July 31, 2025 • 18 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
I was standing in my kitchen at exactly 6 47 pm on a
Tuesday cleaning up the dishesfrom dinner when it hit me.
My only meal of the day wasdinner and I was still hungry.
I had piled everyone's platespacked lunches with dinner
leftovers, set aside secondhelpings for my husband and my
son and convinced myself thatthe small portion of my plate
(00:22):
was all I needed.
I gotta watch my calories right.
Everyone else was well fed andset for tomorrow, but I was
still hungry.
Oh well, I said to myself, atleast they're taken care of.
I was a woman who used to haveopinions, who read books for
pleasure, who had dreams thatdidn't involve anyone else's
schedule, but somewhere between17 lunches that week
(00:44):
coordinating three differentschedules and keeping everyone
else's schedule.
But somewhere between 17lunches that week, coordinating
three different schedules andkeeping everyone else's world
spinning, I began to believethat my love could be measured
by how much of myself I waswilling to sacrifice.
Sitting at the kitchen, waterrunning and soap dripping from
my hands.
I caught my reflection in thekitchen window and I didn't
recognize that exhausted, emptywoman staring back at me.
(01:04):
When did being a good motherstart meaning becoming an
invisible woman, and when didloving my family mean I had to
disappear?
The realization hit me like awave.
I had made everyone else themain character in my own life
story.
If you have ever felt likeyou're living everyone else's
life while yours is collectingdust in a forgotten corner of
(01:25):
your heart, I want you to knowthis you are not alone and you
are definitely not broken.
The guilt you feel for wantingeven 15 minutes to yourself, the
way you respond to your familytexts within seconds but ignore
your own needs for weeks, it'snot selfish.
It's a signal.
Own needs for weeks it's notselfish.
(01:47):
It's a signal.
What I'm about to share willgently challenge how you think
about love, sacrifice and whatit really means to serve your
family well, because the beliefthat self-sacrifice equals love
isn't just misguided.
It's actually making youinvisible to the very people
that you are trying to love themost.
And by the end of this episode,you will understand why the
most loving thing you can do foryour family has nothing to do
(02:08):
with disappearing.
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing that
woman staring back at you?
That woman who used to havedreams, passions and a sense of
purpose beyond taking care ofeveryone else?
As moms.
We often lose ourselves in thisendless cycle of being
everything to everyone theoverwhelming feeling of
disconnection from who we trulyare, the struggle to find
(02:29):
balance, the deep longing tofeel confident and worthy again.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle.
Welcome to your Utmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering yourself, buildingunshakable confidence and
reconnecting with the joy thatlights you up Through practical
strategies and transformativeinsights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling lost to living
(02:50):
fully, because here's the truthyou are not just someone's
everything, you are someone, andit's time to embrace your
utmost self.
Before I share what I've learnedabout self-sacrifice and love,
I want you to know I've beenexactly where you are.
I have stood in that kitchenhungry and exhausted, convincing
myself that my discomfort wasproof of my love.
(03:12):
I have felt the guilt thatcomes with wanting something for
myself.
I've questioned whether takingcare of my own needs made me
selfish.
So when I share what Idiscovered, please hear it
through a lens of someone whohas walked this path, not
someone judging from thesidelines, because what I
learned changed not just my lifebut my entire family's
understanding of what healthylove actually looks like.
(03:33):
Here's what I've come tounderstand.
When we believe thatself-sacrifice is a measure of
love, we're actually teachingour families that love means
someone has to lose, that reallove requires one person to
become invisible so others canshine.
But that's not love.
That's a recipe for resentmentand an invisible mom.
(03:54):
To completely understand whythis feels like love.
We've been taught that goodmothers put everyone else first,
that our worth is measured byour willingness to go without
and that sacrifice is thehighest form of devotion.
The intentions behind yoursacrifice are beautiful.
You genuinely want to show yourfamily how much you care, and
here's what makes this even morecomplex.
(04:15):
Your heart truly wants toprovide for your family.
The love is real.
The desire to nurture andsupport is beautiful.
But somewhere along the way weconfuse disappearing with love,
sacrifice with service.
But I want to ask you somethingand I want you to really think
about this.
If your daughter came to youand said, mom, my boyfriend says
(04:35):
if I really loved him, I'd quitmy job, stop seeing my friends
and give up my hobbies, whatwould you tell her?
You'd probably say that that'snot healthy love, right?
Or if your best friend told youthat her husband expects her to
never spend money on herself,never take time for her
interests and always puteveryone else's needs before her
own, as proof of her love.
(04:56):
Would you celebrate thatrelationship?
Of course not.
Here's what I have observedabout the women I admire most
the mothers, the leaders, thewomen who've impacted my life.
They weren't women whosacrificed themselves into
invisibility.
They were women who lovedthemselves enough to take care
of themselves, who had strongvoices, clear boundaries and
(05:17):
full, rich lives that theyshared generously with others.
Think about women like MayaAngelou, who spoke about the
importance of self-respect inrelationships, or Oprah, who has
consistently modeled thattaking care of yourself isn't
selfish it's necessary.
These women understood that youcan't pour from an empty cup.
(05:37):
When we continue to operate fromthe belief that sacrifice
equals love, here's what happens.
We teach our children that lovemeans someone loses.
Our daughters learn that beinga woman means disappearing for
others, and our sons learn thatbeing loved means someone else
gives up what they need.
We become invisible in our ownlives, and our families learn to
(05:58):
expect that invisibility asnormal.
They don't learn how toconsider others' needs, because
they've never seen anyone modelthat their needs matter too.
Here's what I discovered Lovedoesn't ask you to become less.
Love invites you to become more.
When you take care of yourself,when you honor your own needs,
when you model that everyone inthe family matters, including
(06:20):
you, you're teaching your familywhat healthy relationships
actually look like.
Real love operates fromabundance, not scarcity.
When you love from fullnessinstead of emptiness, everyone
wins.
Your family doesn't need yoursacrifice.
They need your example of whatit looks like to value yourself
while caring for others.
So let me ask you gently do youwant to continue measuring your
(06:43):
love by how much of yourselfyou're willing to sacrifice,
teaching your family that loverequires someone to become
invisible?
Or are you ready to discoverthat most loving thing you can
do is show them what a woman whovalues herself actually looks
like?
This hits so deeply because Ilived this story for years and
(07:03):
the real issue wasn't that Iloved my family too much or that
I was loving them wrong.
It was that I had completelylost touch with my own inherent
worth and I wasn't loving meStanding in that kitchen hungry
and exhausted.
I wasn't just sacrificing mydinner, I was sacrificing my
sense of self.
I had made everyone else themain character in my own life
(07:28):
story and I didn't even realizeit was happening Somewhere along
the way I began to believe thatmy worth was earned through my
service, that the more I gave up, the more valuable I became,
that my love could be measuredby my willingness to go without.
I would respond to family textswithin seconds, but ignore my
own needs.
For weeks I felt guilty forwanting even 15 minutes to
(07:51):
myself, while everyone else gothours of their time.
When I looked in the mirror, Ihonestly didn't recognize that
woman staring back at me and,the most heartbreaking part, I
was proud of my exhaustionbecause I felt like proof that I
had given it my all, that I hadconfused depletion with
devotion and visibility withlove.
(08:12):
Here's what I believe with everyfiber of my being.
A mother's transformation is agenerational one.
When you change, you change thetrajectory of your family line
forever.
I believe that you are notbroken.
You're buried Buried underroles, responsibilities and the
lie that your worth is earnedsolely through your service to
(08:34):
others.
But that incredible woman thatyou used to be, she's still
there.
Your family doesn't need her tostay buried.
They need her back.
I believe that self-worth isyour foundation, everything else
, your confidence.
So worth is your foundation,everything else.
Your confidence, your joy, yourability to set boundaries, your
capacity to dream.
It all flows from recognizingyour inherent worth not worth
(08:57):
that you earn by being useful,but worth that you have simply
because you exist.
And here's what breaks my heart.
Somewhere along the way, westarted believing that being a
good mother meant becoming amartyr.
That love requires us to becomesmaller, quieter, less visible.
But martyrs don't raiseconfident children.
(09:17):
They raise guilty ones.
When you sacrifice yourselfinto invisibility, you rob your
family of the gift of all yourfull self.
They don't need your sacrifice.
They need your example.
They need to see what it lookslike when a woman loves herself
enough to take care of herself,when she has boundaries, pursues
(09:38):
her dreams and models thateveryone in the family matters,
including her.
Your family doesn't need you tobe their servant.
They need you to be theirleader, and leaders don't lead
from a place of depletion andresentment.
They lead from fullness, joyand strength.
This isn't about becomingselfish.
This is about becoming whole,because only whole people can
(10:02):
give from abundance instead ofobligation.
Only visible women can teachtheir children what healthy
relationships actually look like.
When I started to understandthis, everything changed, not
just for me, but for my entirefamily.
They learned that love doesn'trequire someone to disappear.
They learned that everyone'sneeds matter.
(10:22):
They learned what it looks liketo honor yourself by caring for
others.
If you're ready to stopmeasuring your love by your
sacrifice and start modelingwhat healthy love actually looks
like, here's what needs tohappen.
This isn't about becomingselfish.
It's about becoming visibleagain in your own life.
You know that you have becomeinvisible in your own life.
(10:43):
When you feel guilty forwanting 15 minutes to yourself
while everyone else gets hours,you respond to family texts
within seconds, but ignore yourown needs for weeks.
You look in the mirror andthink I don't recognize that
woman.
You say I'm fine when you'renot, because your feelings don't
feel as important.
You can list everything yourfamily needs, but go blank when
(11:06):
asked what you need.
You make decisions by askingwhat's best for everyone else
without including yourself.
Or you feel proud when you'reexhausted because it means
you've given your all.
Can you see yourself in any ofthese?
This isn't love.
This is learned invisibility,and it's not serving anyone,
especially not your family.
(11:26):
Here's what I want you tounderstand when you become
visible in your own life again.
You're not taking somethingaway from your family.
Here's what I want you tounderstand when you become
visible in your own life again.
You're not taking somethingaway from your family.
You're giving them the greatestgift possible.
You're showing them whathealthy love actually looks like
.
Real love operates fromabundance, not scarcity.
When you love from fullnessinstead of emptiness, everyone
(11:46):
wins.
And when you include yourselfin the equation, you teach your
family that love doesn't requiresomeone to disappear.
Think about it this way whenyou're on an airplane, they tell
you to put your oxygen mask onfirst, not because you're
selfish, but because you can'thelp anyone if you're
unconscious.
Your family needs you conscious.
They need you alive andthriving, not sacrificed into
(12:09):
invisibility.
This transformation happensthrough the same three phases I
teach in your utmost life method, but applied specifically to
reclaiming your visibility.
The discovering phase isexcavating your buried worth.
This is the first step inunderstanding that you are not
broken.
You're buried.
Your sense of worth didn'tdisappear when you became a
mother.
It got covered over by the liethat your value comes from your
(12:31):
willingness to sacrifice.
You need to rediscover who youare, beyond what you do for
others your character, yourpersonality, your inherent worth
that exists simply because youare you.
When you reconnect with thistruth, decisions become easier
because you're not trying toprove your worth through every
choice.
The second phase is designreconstructing your beliefs
(12:53):
about love.
You have to replace thelimiting beliefs that created
the invisibility trap.
Beliefs like good mother,sacrifice everything, my needs
don't matter as much or takingcare of myself is selfish.
They have to be systematicallyreplaced with empowering truths.
This means changing yourinternal dialogue.
Instead of if I really lovethem, I would sacrifice this.
(13:17):
Try, because I love them, I'mgoing to model what healthy
relationships look like.
Instead of I should give thisup for them.
Try.
How can we find a solution thatworks for everyone, including
me?
And instead of I'm beingselfish, try.
I'm teaching my family thateveryone matters.
The third phase is the doingphase Daily systems that keep
(13:41):
you visible.
You need daily systems that aregoing to keep you visible in
your own life.
This isn't about massiveoverhauls.
It's about small, consistentshifts that honor your worth.
When making family decisions,literally ask what works for
everyone, including me.
Schedule your personal timefirst, then fit family
activities around it.
Practice saying that doesn'twork for me without detailed
(14:04):
justification.
Set one small boundary thisweek that protects your energy,
and stop apologizing for havingneeds and preferences.
Here's what I've learned youcannot sustain visibility
through willpower alone.
If you only work on recognizingyour worth without changing
your beliefs, you will know youmatter but still feel guilty for
(14:25):
acting like it.
If you only change your beliefswithout daily systems, you'll
understand intellectually thatyou should matter but still
default to old patterns.
The invisibility trap isactually a self-worth issue
dressed up as a love problem,and until you understand your
inherent worth, rebuild yourbelief foundation around that
worth and create daily systemsto maintain your visibility, you
(14:48):
will keep defaulting back toproving your value through
sacrifice.
That is exactly why your utmostlife method was created.
All other solutions that Ifound left out either one if not
two of the essential phases.
There has to be a complete andsystematic approach to moving
from invisible to seen, withoutcompromising your love for your
(15:09):
family, because the truth is,your family doesn't need you to
disappear from them.
They need you to model what itlooks like to be a whole,
visible, thriving woman.
Listen, here's the bottom lineSelf-sacrifice isn't love, it's
fear.
Fear that if you matter toomuch, you won't matter at all.
But the truth is, when youhonor your worth and reclaim
(15:30):
your visibility, you teacheveryone around you how to honor
it too.
Your family doesn't need yoursacrifice.
They need your example.
They need to see what it lookslike when someone values
themselves enough to includethemselves in the equation.
They need to learn that lovedoesn't require anyone to
disappear.
The most generous thing you cando for your family is to stop
(15:53):
teaching them that love lookslike someone becoming invisible.
Start teaching them that lovelooks like everyone, including
you, being seen, valued andwhole.
When you do this work,something beautiful happens you
become the woman who breaks thecycle of inherited visibility.
Your daughter learns that womencan love deeply without
(16:13):
disappearing.
Your son learns that women arecomplete people worthy of
consideration and care, and ourchildren learn what healthy
relationships look like Twovisible people choosing to love
each other, not one persondisappearing for another.
You become the generation thatsays in our family, we love each
other and we see each other.
(16:34):
In our family, everyone mattersand in our family, love doesn't
require anyone to becomeinvisible.
If you're nodding along andyou've recognized yourself in
this story, I want to help youtake the next step.
If you feel guilty for wanting15 minutes to yourself, if you
respond to family texts withinseconds but ignore your own
needs for weeks, or if you lookin the mirror and don't
(16:56):
recognize that woman.
If you're feeling invisiblebecause you've made everyone
else the main character in yourown life, I've created something
specifically for you theInvisible to Scene.
It's a seven-day reset for moms.
Now, this isn't another take abubble bath guide.
This is a seven days of gentlereality checks that will help
you feel alive, focused andpurposeful again, without adding
(17:19):
more to your already full plate.
These seven days of gentleshifts will help you start
reclaiming your visibility inyour own life.
You'll learn how to includeyourself in the equation and how
to recognize your inherentworth and how to take the first
steps toward becoming seen again, without guilt, burnout or
overwhelm.
Please do this one thing foryourself Visit yourupmostselfcom
(17:40):
.
Forward, slash, reset and grabyour copy of the Invisible to
Seen 7-Day Reset for Moms.
Your family is waiting for thefullness of who you are.
They don't need you to beinvisible.
They need you to be seen,valued and whole.
Remember, you're not broken.
You're buried.
You're not selfish for wantingto be invisible.
They need you to be seen,valued and whole.
Remember, you're not broken.
You're buried.
You're not selfish for wantingto be seen.
You're human and you're nottaking anything away from your
(18:03):
family.
By reclaiming your visibility,you're giving them the greatest
gift possible the example of awoman who knows her worth.
The woman you were before kidsisn't gone.
She's just been waiting for youto remember that she matters
too.
It's time to excavate theincredible, visible woman you
always have been.
Here's the truth.
You're not just someone'severything.
(18:25):
You are someone, and it's timeto embrace your utmost self.
I was standing in my kitchen at exactly 6 47 pm on a
Tuesday cleaning up the dishesfrom dinner when it hit me.
My only meal of the day wasdinner and I was still hungry.
I had piled everyone's platespacked lunches with dinner
leftovers, set aside secondhelpings for my husband and my
son and convinced myself thatthe small portion of my plate
(00:22):
was all I needed.
I gotta watch my calories right.
Everyone else was well fed andset for tomorrow, but I was
still hungry.
Oh well, I said to myself, atleast they're taken care of.
I was a woman who used to haveopinions, who read books for
pleasure, who had dreams thatdidn't involve anyone else's
schedule, but somewhere between17 lunches that week
(00:44):
coordinating three differentschedules and keeping everyone
else's schedule.
But somewhere between 17lunches that week, coordinating
three different schedules andkeeping everyone else's world
spinning, I began to believethat my love could be measured
by how much of myself I waswilling to sacrifice.
Sitting at the kitchen, waterrunning and soap dripping from
my hands.
I caught my reflection in thekitchen window and I didn't
recognize that exhausted, emptywoman staring back at me.
(01:04):
When did being a good motherstart meaning becoming an
invisible woman, and when didloving my family mean I had to
disappear?
The realization hit me like awave.
I had made everyone else themain character in my own life
story.
If you have ever felt likeyou're living everyone else's
life while yours is collectingdust in a forgotten corner of
(01:25):
your heart, I want you to knowthis you are not alone and you
are definitely not broken.
The guilt you feel for wantingeven 15 minutes to yourself, the
way you respond to your familytexts within seconds but ignore
your own needs for weeks, it'snot selfish.
It's a signal.
Own needs for weeks it's notselfish.
(01:47):
It's a signal.
What I'm about to share willgently challenge how you think
about love, sacrifice and whatit really means to serve your
family well, because the beliefthat self-sacrifice equals love
isn't just misguided.
It's actually making youinvisible to the very people
that you are trying to love themost.
And by the end of this episode,you will understand why the
most loving thing you can do foryour family has nothing to do
(02:08):
with disappearing.
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing that
woman staring back at you?
That woman who used to havedreams, passions and a sense of
purpose beyond taking care ofeveryone else?
As moms.
We often lose ourselves in thisendless cycle of being
everything to everyone theoverwhelming feeling of
disconnection from who we trulyare, the struggle to find
(02:29):
balance, the deep longing tofeel confident and worthy again.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle.
Welcome to your Utmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering yourself, buildingunshakable confidence and
reconnecting with the joy thatlights you up Through practical
strategies and transformativeinsights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling lost to living
(02:50):
fully, because here's the truthyou are not just someone's
everything, you are someone, andit's time to embrace your
utmost self.
Before I share what I've learnedabout self-sacrifice and love,
I want you to know I've beenexactly where you are.
I have stood in that kitchenhungry and exhausted, convincing
myself that my discomfort wasproof of my love.
(03:12):
I have felt the guilt thatcomes with wanting something for
myself.
I've questioned whether takingcare of my own needs made me
selfish.
So when I share what Idiscovered, please hear it
through a lens of someone whohas walked this path, not
someone judging from thesidelines, because what I
learned changed not just my lifebut my entire family's
understanding of what healthylove actually looks like.
(03:33):
Here's what I've come tounderstand.
When we believe thatself-sacrifice is a measure of
love, we're actually teachingour families that love means
someone has to lose, that reallove requires one person to
become invisible so others canshine.
But that's not love.
That's a recipe for resentmentand an invisible mom.
(03:54):
To completely understand whythis feels like love.
We've been taught that goodmothers put everyone else first,
that our worth is measured byour willingness to go without
and that sacrifice is thehighest form of devotion.
The intentions behind yoursacrifice are beautiful.
You genuinely want to show yourfamily how much you care, and
here's what makes this even morecomplex.
(04:15):
Your heart truly wants toprovide for your family.
The love is real.
The desire to nurture andsupport is beautiful.
But somewhere along the way weconfuse disappearing with love,
sacrifice with service.
But I want to ask you somethingand I want you to really think
about this.
If your daughter came to youand said, mom, my boyfriend says
(04:35):
if I really loved him, I'd quitmy job, stop seeing my friends
and give up my hobbies, whatwould you tell her?
You'd probably say that that'snot healthy love, right?
Or if your best friend told youthat her husband expects her to
never spend money on herself,never take time for her
interests and always puteveryone else's needs before her
own, as proof of her love.
(04:56):
Would you celebrate thatrelationship?
Of course not.
Here's what I have observedabout the women I admire most
the mothers, the leaders, thewomen who've impacted my life.
They weren't women whosacrificed themselves into
invisibility.
They were women who lovedthemselves enough to take care
of themselves, who had strongvoices, clear boundaries and
(05:17):
full, rich lives that theyshared generously with others.
Think about women like MayaAngelou, who spoke about the
importance of self-respect inrelationships, or Oprah, who has
consistently modeled thattaking care of yourself isn't
selfish it's necessary.
These women understood that youcan't pour from an empty cup.
(05:37):
When we continue to operate fromthe belief that sacrifice
equals love, here's what happens.
We teach our children that lovemeans someone loses.
Our daughters learn that beinga woman means disappearing for
others, and our sons learn thatbeing loved means someone else
gives up what they need.
We become invisible in our ownlives, and our families learn to
(05:58):
expect that invisibility asnormal.
They don't learn how toconsider others' needs, because
they've never seen anyone modelthat their needs matter too.
Here's what I discovered Lovedoesn't ask you to become less.
Love invites you to become more.
When you take care of yourself,when you honor your own needs,
when you model that everyone inthe family matters, including
(06:20):
you, you're teaching your familywhat healthy relationships
actually look like.
Real love operates fromabundance, not scarcity.
When you love from fullnessinstead of emptiness, everyone
wins.
Your family doesn't need yoursacrifice.
They need your example of whatit looks like to value yourself
while caring for others.
So let me ask you gently do youwant to continue measuring your
(06:43):
love by how much of yourselfyou're willing to sacrifice,
teaching your family that loverequires someone to become
invisible?
Or are you ready to discoverthat most loving thing you can
do is show them what a woman whovalues herself actually looks
like?
This hits so deeply because Ilived this story for years and
(07:03):
the real issue wasn't that Iloved my family too much or that
I was loving them wrong.
It was that I had completelylost touch with my own inherent
worth and I wasn't loving meStanding in that kitchen hungry
and exhausted.
I wasn't just sacrificing mydinner, I was sacrificing my
sense of self.
I had made everyone else themain character in my own life
(07:28):
story and I didn't even realizeit was happening Somewhere along
the way I began to believe thatmy worth was earned through my
service, that the more I gave up, the more valuable I became,
that my love could be measuredby my willingness to go without.
I would respond to family textswithin seconds, but ignore my
own needs.
For weeks I felt guilty forwanting even 15 minutes to
(07:51):
myself, while everyone else gothours of their time.
When I looked in the mirror, Ihonestly didn't recognize that
woman staring back at me and,the most heartbreaking part, I
was proud of my exhaustionbecause I felt like proof that I
had given it my all, that I hadconfused depletion with
devotion and visibility withlove.
(08:12):
Here's what I believe with everyfiber of my being.
A mother's transformation is agenerational one.
When you change, you change thetrajectory of your family line
forever.
I believe that you are notbroken.
You're buried Buried underroles, responsibilities and the
lie that your worth is earnedsolely through your service to
(08:34):
others.
But that incredible woman thatyou used to be, she's still
there.
Your family doesn't need her tostay buried.
They need her back.
I believe that self-worth isyour foundation, everything else
, your confidence.
So worth is your foundation,everything else.
Your confidence, your joy, yourability to set boundaries, your
capacity to dream.
It all flows from recognizingyour inherent worth not worth
(08:57):
that you earn by being useful,but worth that you have simply
because you exist.
And here's what breaks my heart.
Somewhere along the way, westarted believing that being a
good mother meant becoming amartyr.
That love requires us to becomesmaller, quieter, less visible.
But martyrs don't raiseconfident children.
(09:17):
They raise guilty ones.
When you sacrifice yourselfinto invisibility, you rob your
family of the gift of all yourfull self.
They don't need your sacrifice.
They need your example.
They need to see what it lookslike when a woman loves herself
enough to take care of herself,when she has boundaries, pursues
(09:38):
her dreams and models thateveryone in the family matters,
including her.
Your family doesn't need you tobe their servant.
They need you to be theirleader, and leaders don't lead
from a place of depletion andresentment.
They lead from fullness, joyand strength.
This isn't about becomingselfish.
This is about becoming whole,because only whole people can
(10:02):
give from abundance instead ofobligation.
Only visible women can teachtheir children what healthy
relationships actually look like.
When I started to understandthis, everything changed, not
just for me, but for my entirefamily.
They learned that love doesn'trequire someone to disappear.
They learned that everyone'sneeds matter.
(10:22):
They learned what it looks liketo honor yourself by caring for
others.
If you're ready to stopmeasuring your love by your
sacrifice and start modelingwhat healthy love actually looks
like, here's what needs tohappen.
This isn't about becomingselfish.
It's about becoming visibleagain in your own life.
You know that you have becomeinvisible in your own life.
(10:43):
When you feel guilty forwanting 15 minutes to yourself
while everyone else gets hours,you respond to family texts
within seconds, but ignore yourown needs for weeks.
You look in the mirror andthink I don't recognize that
woman.
You say I'm fine when you'renot, because your feelings don't
feel as important.
You can list everything yourfamily needs, but go blank when
(11:06):
asked what you need.
You make decisions by askingwhat's best for everyone else
without including yourself.
Or you feel proud when you'reexhausted because it means
you've given your all.
Can you see yourself in any ofthese?
This isn't love.
This is learned invisibility,and it's not serving anyone,
especially not your family.
(11:26):
Here's what I want you tounderstand when you become
visible in your own life again.
You're not taking somethingaway from your family.
Here's what I want you tounderstand when you become
visible in your own life again.
You're not taking somethingaway from your family.
You're giving them the greatestgift possible.
You're showing them whathealthy love actually looks like
.
Real love operates fromabundance, not scarcity.
When you love from fullnessinstead of emptiness, everyone
(11:46):
wins.
And when you include yourselfin the equation, you teach your
family that love doesn't requiresomeone to disappear.
Think about it this way whenyou're on an airplane, they tell
you to put your oxygen mask onfirst, not because you're
selfish, but because you can'thelp anyone if you're
unconscious.
Your family needs you conscious.
They need you alive andthriving, not sacrificed into
(12:09):
invisibility.
This transformation happensthrough the same three phases I
teach in your utmost life method, but applied specifically to
reclaiming your visibility.
The discovering phase isexcavating your buried worth.
This is the first step inunderstanding that you are not
broken.
You're buried.
Your sense of worth didn'tdisappear when you became a
mother.
It got covered over by the liethat your value comes from your
(12:31):
willingness to sacrifice.
You need to rediscover who youare, beyond what you do for
others your character, yourpersonality, your inherent worth
that exists simply because youare you.
When you reconnect with thistruth, decisions become easier
because you're not trying toprove your worth through every
choice.
The second phase is designreconstructing your beliefs
(12:53):
about love.
You have to replace thelimiting beliefs that created
the invisibility trap.
Beliefs like good mother,sacrifice everything, my needs
don't matter as much or takingcare of myself is selfish.
They have to be systematicallyreplaced with empowering truths.
This means changing yourinternal dialogue.
Instead of if I really lovethem, I would sacrifice this.
(13:17):
Try, because I love them, I'mgoing to model what healthy
relationships look like.
Instead of I should give thisup for them.
Try.
How can we find a solution thatworks for everyone, including
me?
And instead of I'm beingselfish, try.
I'm teaching my family thateveryone matters.
The third phase is the doingphase Daily systems that keep
(13:41):
you visible.
You need daily systems that aregoing to keep you visible in
your own life.
This isn't about massiveoverhauls.
It's about small, consistentshifts that honor your worth.
When making family decisions,literally ask what works for
everyone, including me.
Schedule your personal timefirst, then fit family
activities around it.
Practice saying that doesn'twork for me without detailed
(14:04):
justification.
Set one small boundary thisweek that protects your energy,
and stop apologizing for havingneeds and preferences.
Here's what I've learned youcannot sustain visibility
through willpower alone.
If you only work on recognizingyour worth without changing
your beliefs, you will know youmatter but still feel guilty for
(14:25):
acting like it.
If you only change your beliefswithout daily systems, you'll
understand intellectually thatyou should matter but still
default to old patterns.
The invisibility trap isactually a self-worth issue
dressed up as a love problem,and until you understand your
inherent worth, rebuild yourbelief foundation around that
worth and create daily systemsto maintain your visibility, you
(14:48):
will keep defaulting back toproving your value through
sacrifice.
That is exactly why your utmostlife method was created.
All other solutions that Ifound left out either one if not
two of the essential phases.
There has to be a complete andsystematic approach to moving
from invisible to seen, withoutcompromising your love for your
(15:09):
family, because the truth is,your family doesn't need you to
disappear from them.
They need you to model what itlooks like to be a whole,
visible, thriving woman.
Listen, here's the bottom lineSelf-sacrifice isn't love, it's
fear.
Fear that if you matter toomuch, you won't matter at all.
But the truth is, when youhonor your worth and reclaim
(15:30):
your visibility, you teacheveryone around you how to honor
it too.
Your family doesn't need yoursacrifice.
They need your example.
They need to see what it lookslike when someone values
themselves enough to includethemselves in the equation.
They need to learn that lovedoesn't require anyone to
disappear.
The most generous thing you cando for your family is to stop
(15:53):
teaching them that love lookslike someone becoming invisible.
Start teaching them that lovelooks like everyone, including
you, being seen, valued andwhole.
When you do this work,something beautiful happens you
become the woman who breaks thecycle of inherited visibility.
Your daughter learns that womencan love deeply without
(16:13):
disappearing.
Your son learns that women arecomplete people worthy of
consideration and care, and ourchildren learn what healthy
relationships look like Twovisible people choosing to love
each other, not one persondisappearing for another.
You become the generation thatsays in our family, we love each
other and we see each other.
(16:34):
In our family, everyone mattersand in our family, love doesn't
require anyone to becomeinvisible.
If you're nodding along andyou've recognized yourself in
this story, I want to help youtake the next step.
If you feel guilty for wanting15 minutes to yourself, if you
respond to family texts withinseconds but ignore your own
needs for weeks, or if you lookin the mirror and don't
(16:56):
recognize that woman.
If you're feeling invisiblebecause you've made everyone
else the main character in yourown life, I've created something
specifically for you theInvisible to Scene.
It's a seven-day reset for moms.
Now, this isn't another take abubble bath guide.
This is a seven days of gentlereality checks that will help
you feel alive, focused andpurposeful again, without adding
(17:19):
more to your already full plate.
These seven days of gentleshifts will help you start
reclaiming your visibility inyour own life.
You'll learn how to includeyourself in the equation and how
to recognize your inherentworth and how to take the first
steps toward becoming seen again, without guilt, burnout or
overwhelm.
Please do this one thing foryourself Visit yourupmostselfcom
(17:40):
.
Forward, slash, reset and grabyour copy of the Invisible to
Seen 7-Day Reset for Moms.
Your family is waiting for thefullness of who you are.
They don't need you to beinvisible.
They need you to be seen,valued and whole.
Remember, you're not broken.
You're buried.
You're not selfish for wantingto be invisible.
They need you to be seen,valued and whole.
Remember, you're not broken.
You're buried.
You're not selfish for wantingto be seen.
You're human and you're nottaking anything away from your
(18:03):
family.
By reclaiming your visibility,you're giving them the greatest
gift possible the example of awoman who knows her worth.
The woman you were before kidsisn't gone.
She's just been waiting for youto remember that she matters
too.
It's time to excavate theincredible, visible woman you
always have been.
Here's the truth.
You're not just someone'severything.
(18:25):
You are someone, and it's timeto embrace your utmost self.
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