June 26, 2025 • 17 mins
Who You Are Never Disappeared (She's Just Been Waiting) - The Message I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Do you feel invisible in your own life—like you're only seen when someone needs something from you? If you're a mom experiencing that overwhelming sense of being lost in the endless cycle of caring for everyone else, this deeply vulnerable episode will show you that feeling invisible isn't a character flaw but a signal that something needs to change.
Join host Misty Chelley as she shares her most personal story yet: the moment she stood in her kitchen and realized she had become a ghost in her own life. "If I disappeared right now," she wondered, "how long would it take anyone to notice I was gone—not what I do for them, but who I am as a person?" This raw revelation exposed how she'd trained herself to take up as little space as possible, becoming invisible even to herself.
When you feel invisible, it's often because you've lost touch with who you are outside of what you do for other people. Research shows that women who primarily identify through caregiving roles experience "identity foreclosure"—we build our entire sense of self around being needed, then feel lost when that dynamic shifts. But here's the truth: you don't have to stay invisible.
In this transformative episode, you'll discover:
- Why so many moms feel invisible and disconnected from their true selves
- The three devastating lies we tell ourselves that keep us trapped in invisibility
- How "This is just how life is when you're a mom" became the biggest myth stealing women's identities
- Why feeling guilty for wanting more is actually a sign you're ready to change
- The exact moment Misty's journey shifted and how to recognize your own turning point
- A simple but powerful practice for reconnecting with who you are beneath all the roles
- Why it's never too late to step out of invisibility and into your next chapter
Key insights for women who feel invisible:
- Understanding why you feel invisible isn't about being ungrateful or selfish
- How to stop being defined solely by your function as a caregiver
- Breaking free from inherited thoughts that keep you small and unseen
- The difference between performing happiness and actually living it
- Why taking up space in conversations leads to taking up space in your life
- How to challenge the voice that tells you nobody wants to hear what you have to say
This episode is essential listening for any woman who has ever wondered when she became the supporting character in her own story. Whether you feel invisible to your family, your friends, or most importantly, to yourself, this conversation will remind you that the woman you used to be—with dreams, passions, and opinions that matter—never actually disappeared. She's just been waiting patiently for you to remember she exists.
Stop feeling invisible and start reclaiming your identity. Download Misty's free guide, 10 Signs You're Ready to Create Your Next Chapter, at yourutmostself.com/nextchapter and join thousands of women who are learnin
📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.
🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.
✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've been feeling invisible lately, like
your husband doesn't really seeyou anymore, your kids have
moved on without you or yourfriends have been caught up in
their own lives, I want you toknow something.
You're not imagining it, andit's not because you're not
enough.
You're not broken, you'rebecoming.
What if the invisibility isn'tthe problem?
It's the invitation not todisappear but to rediscover.
(00:24):
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing the
(00:46):
woman staring back at?
It's the invitation not tobalance the deep longing to feel
confident and worthy again.
You're not alone in this.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelly.
Welcome to your Utmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering yourself, buildingunshakable confidence and
reconnecting with the joy thatlights you up Through practical
strategies and transformativeinsights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling lost to living
fully, because here's the truth.
(01:08):
You're not just someone'severything.
You are someone, and it's timeto embrace your utmost life.
You're not broken.
You're just in the spacebetween who you've always been
and who you're finally ready tobecome.
So let's talk about it.
I remember standing in my ownkitchen.
I gazed at a life that I hadpoured my heart into.
The meals were cooked, kidswere supported, holidays planned
(01:31):
, tears wiped, dreams paused andI felt like a ghost in my own
home.
Everyone was busy, everyone hadsomewhere to be, and I kept
thinking why doesn't anyonenotice that I'm fading away?
No one had done anything wrong,there wasn't a fight, I wasn't
unloved, but I was doingeverything right and I still
felt like I didn't matter.
I felt invisible, and that wasthe loneliest part being
(01:53):
invisible in a life that I hadlovingly built, like I didn't
exist outside of what I could dofor everyone else.
And for the longest time Ithought that the problem was
them.
I thought that if they justnoticed me more, appreciate me
more, need me differently, thenI'd feel seen again.
So I kept doing more, trying tobe more important, more
valuable enough for them.
But the more I tried to prove Iwas worthy of being seen, the
(02:15):
more invisible I became.
Not because I wasn't doingenough, but because I had
forgotten I was already enough.
But here's what I slowlystarted to realize I wasn't
actually waiting for my familyto see me.
I was waiting for me to see meagain, and that changed
everything.
Now, if you've been feeling thisway too, like the world moves
(02:36):
around you but never reallyincludes you, it's not because
you're selfish or dramatic.
You're not having a midlifecrisis.
You're having an identitycrisis, and not because you're
weak or lost, but because youfinally created enough space to
notice the parts of you that gotleft behind.
What if midlife isn't the endof who you were, but the
beginning of who you're here tobecome?
(02:57):
Here's the deal.
The real reason so many midlifemoms feel invisible isn't
because no one appreciates them.
It's because they've beentaught to measure their value by
how well they serve, howquietly they sacrifice and how
little space they take up.
There's even research for this.
Harvick calls it identityforeclosure.
It happens when your identitygets locked into one role for so
(03:20):
long, like caregiving, thatwhen the role changes, you don't
know who you are without it,and this isn't some rare case.
It's incredibly common for momsin midlife.
As our kids grow moreindependent, the role that once
gave us purpose starts to shrink, and so does your sense of self
.
But here's the deal this isn't abreakdown.
It's a breakthrough trying tohappen.
(03:40):
You're not falling apart.
You're waking up.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're finally being confrontedwith everything you've been too
busy to feel.
It's not that you've lostyourself.
It's that you were never taughtto build your identity around
being only about being needed.
That ache you feel, thatemptiness.
It's not selfish.
(04:00):
It's your soul calling you backhome and that disorientation
you're feeling right now.
That's not failure.
It's your soul calling you backhome and that disorientation
you're feeling right now.
That's not failure.
It's the first step torediscovery.
You're not broken.
You're just in the spacebetween who you've always been
and who you're finally ready tobecome.
This is a devastating patternthat's destroying lives
everywhere.
You show up for everyone elsewhile you disappear.
(04:22):
You ignore your own needs untilyou've forgotten what it even
means to have them.
You swallow your resentment andstay quiet while you slowly
suffocate.
And every single day you fade alittle more and you wonder why
no one notices you're dyinginside.
This isn't your fault.
You're just doing what theworld tells you to do.
But here's what's at stake.
Your marriage is becoming abusiness partnership because
(04:43):
you've forgotten how to show upas yourself.
Your kids are learning thatwomen don't matter unless
they're useful.
Your friendships are shallowbecause you're too afraid to
take up space and your dreamsthey're being buried alive under
everyone else's needs.
When our family moved from oursmall town in Montana to the
sprawling landscape of Houston,I thought I'd bounce back
quickly, but instead everythingI had used to define myself the
(05:05):
routines, the communityconnection, predictability it
was all stripped away.
And underneath it all I foundsomeone I barely knew.
My kids were growing up andthey didn't need me.
The same way, my marriage feltdistant.
I was surrounded by people, butI felt completely unseen and
for the first time, I couldn'toutrun the question that had
been following me for years whoam I if I'm not mom?
(05:27):
All the time, the world aroundme seemed to say you should be
happy, you've got a good life,but inside I was unraveling.
I felt selfish for wanting more.
I felt guilty for feeling lost,and I didn't know how to talk
about it.
Because what do you say whennothing is technically wrong
except you don't feel likeyourself anymore?
But feelings aren't facts andwanting more isn't ungrateful,
(05:50):
it's human.
Here's what I need you to hear.
You don't need to fix yourself.
You're not broken.
You've just been living by aset of toxic beliefs that were
never yours to begin with,beliefs like good moms, don't
ask for more.
If I'm not needed, I'm notvaluable.
You're being so emotional andgrateful.
(06:10):
Speaking up means rocking theboat.
I have to wait until everyoneelse is okay before I can be
okay, or your needs come aftereveryone else's.
But here's the thing aboutbeliefs they're not facts,
they're just thoughts thatyou've been thinking for so long
that they feel true.
When did you decide that theywere law?
What if that voice isn't yourtruth at all?
(06:33):
And what if it's actually thevoice that's been stealing your
life?
One quiet sacrifice at a time,because here's what these lies
are costing you right now.
You're teaching your daughterthat women are servants, not
human beings.
You're showing your son thatlove means putting yourself
aside, and your marriage issuffering because your husband
fell in love with a whole person, not a shadow one.
(06:54):
And every day you stayinvisible.
You bury the whole woman youwere meant to be in the life you
were meant to have.
The lie says your silence isstrength, but the truth, that
silence, is what's stealing yourstory.
And until you name the lie, youcan't reclaim the life that's
been robbed from you.
I don't mean to sound harsh,but it's so vital.
Here's the honest truth.
(07:15):
You've been asking why doesn'tanyone see me?
But maybe the better questionis what would change if I saw
myself again first?
Your visibility starts themoment that you decide to unlock
those chains and be seen.
You're not invisible, you'renot insignificant.
You are a woman of worth, andyour journey to reclaim your
(07:35):
identity and self-worth itbegins with a single decision to
stop accepting less than whatyou deserve.
The feeling of invisibility inmidlife isn't actually about
getting older.
It's about finally having thespace to ask who am I when I'm
not performing for everyone else?
That hit me like a ton ofbricks.
When I felt most invisible, Istarted asking myself if no one
(07:57):
needed me today, who would I be?
It was terrifying at firstbecause I didn't have an answer,
but slowly I started to digunderneath the roles that I had
played for decades, underneaththe titles, the labels, the
expectations.
And no, I found a whole womanunder there, a passionate,
opinionated, creative, deeplyspiritual woman who had just
(08:18):
gotten quiet for too long.
I didn't have to become someonenew.
I had to come home to who Ialready was that woman.
She was never lost.
She was just buried under yearsof roles, expectations and a
quiet self eraser.
And as I peeled those layersback, something unexpected
happened.
I started to see a pattern, aprocess, a pathway.
(08:40):
That's when I begin developingwhat I now call your utmost
method a framework forrealignment.
Not about adding more to youralready full life, not about
hustling your way into healing,but about remembering who you
always were meant to be andrebuilding from that foundation.
It's like this For years, youridentity has been painted over
(09:00):
by what the world needed you tobe A mom, wife, helper,
peacekeeper.
But underneath all of thatthere's still a masterpiece, and
the process isn't aboutrepainting.
It's about gently removing whatnever belonged until you
finally see the original again.
That's what the your UtmostMethod does.
It helps you uncover.
Finally see the original again.
That's what the your utmostmethod does.
It helps you uncover her, thereal you, and give her space to
(09:24):
breathe again.
So maybe this is you.
You feel unappreciated, but whensomeone offers you help, you
say I got it no big deal, I'mfine.
You want more from life, butevery time you try to focus on
yourself, you feel like you'rebeing selfish.
You crave purpose, but you'reterrified of what it might cost
to change.
I see these patterns notbecause I read them in a
textbook, but because I livedthem, and breaking free didn't
(09:47):
start with a to-do list.
It started with truth, shocking, as I do love my to-do lists.
But here's what I discoveredFeeling invisible is actually
your soul screaming.
Come find me again.
You're not just a mom, a wife,a helper, a keeper of the peace.
You are a whole human being.
You matter even when you're notneeded.
Your dreams are notdistractions.
(10:09):
Your voice isn't too loud.
And your worth.
It's not something you need towork for or prove.
You know what I learned afteryears of living it, researching
it and walking through it?
Most of us are chasing surfacelevel solutions for soul deep
exhaustion.
We try morning routines,gratitude journals, positive
affirmations.
These are beautiful tools butused like band-aids on a deeper
(10:33):
wound, not because we're broken,but because we've been taught
to bypass the root for the sakeof staying functional.
But here's the truth Exhaustionisn't always solved by sleep.
Sometimes it's the weight of alife that no longer fits.
That's why I created yourutmost method because we don't
need more tasks, we need moretruth.
We go to the root your identity, your beliefs, your vision.
(10:56):
We identify what's misaligned,we release what was never yours
to carry and we rebuild from afoundation of self-worth.
Because becoming who you'retruly meant to be isn't about
doing more.
It's about becoming more of whoyou already are and, honestly.
That's the only way I know toescape the invisible life that
slowly suffocated so many women,one self-den denial at a time.
(11:19):
In all my research and personalexperience, I've identified 10
unmistakable signs that a womanis ready to step out of
invisibility and into her nextchapter.
Things like you long for more,but can't quite name what more
actually is.
You feel like a stranger inyour own life.
You wonder if your best yearsare behind you and you crave
(11:39):
conversations that go deeperthan roles and responsibilities.
And maybe the mostheartbreaking one.
You're not even sure when youstopped feeling like you.
But hear me, these aren't signsof brokenness.
They're signals, invitations,wake-up calls.
They don't mean something'swrong with you.
They mean something beautifulis ready to begin.
(12:01):
You're not dying quietly.
You're being called to liveboldly, honestly and fully as
the woman you were always meantto be.
And here's the part that gave meso much hope.
I came across this researchfrom Harvard that stopped me in
my tracks.
They found that women who gothrough this kind of identity
questioning in midlife the exactthing that you might be walking
(12:22):
through right now isn't crisis.
They're actually prime for whatpsychologists call generative
growth.
Basically, what it means isthat you're ready to create
something deeply meaningful andlasting in your relationships,
your purpose, your impact inyour life.
That flipped the script for me,because for so long I thought
that my restlessness was awarning sign, but now I see it
(12:45):
was a green light.
You're not falling apart,you're being prepared to build
something beautiful, and if thatgave me hope, I hope that it
gives you permission to stopdoubting the stirrings in your
soul and start trusting them.
Here's what I want you to walkaway believing today.
You don't have to wait forsomeone to see you before you're
allowed to take up space.
(13:05):
You don't need a crisis tostart a new chapter.
You don't need anyone else'spermission to value your own
life and your feelings ofinvisibility.
They're not a dead end.
They are a doorway, a doorwayback to the woman who's been
suffocating inside you, the onewho has opinions, dreams,
(13:28):
passions and something importantto say.
I stopped trying to find myselfand started reclaiming myself.
I wasn't lost.
I was buried alive.
And once I realized that Icould finally stop waiting for
someone else to give mepermission to come back to the
life, everything changed.
I rebuilt my beliefs about whatI deserve.
I reframed my identity beyondjust roles.
I designed a new chapter, notby walking away from my life,
(13:49):
but by stepping fully into it.
That process became my healing.
That healing became the methodI've been working with and now I
get to guide other womenthrough the very journey I
walked from invisible to seen,from soul tired to soul lit,
from self-sacrificing toself-led.
Not to fix them, not to helpthem escape motherhood, but to
(14:11):
help them remember there aremore than the roles they've been
playing.
But here's what changes when youstop believing these lies.
You show up in your marriage asa whole person, not just to
help her.
Your kids see a mom who valuesherself and they learn to value
themselves.
Your friendships deepen becauseyou're finally present, not
performing.
Your dreams come alive againbecause you've stopped
(14:32):
suffocating them, and your lifebecomes yours again.
Being seen starts with youseeing yourself again.
If today's conversation hasstirred something inside of you,
if you're recognizing yourselfin some of the ways I've shared,
I created something that mighthelp you.
It's called 10 signs.
You're ready to create yournext chapter.
It's a free, guided experiencethat will help you identify
(14:54):
exactly where you are in thisjourney and what your next small
step might decide.
You'll find not just the 10signs, but gentle reflections
and a simple map to help youstart reconnecting with who you
are, beyond all the roles andexpectations.
You can grab it for free atyou'reatmoselfcom forward slash
next chapter or just check theshow notes, because here's what
(15:15):
I believe with everything in meyou don't need to start over,
you don't need to prove yourworth.
You just need to rediscoverwhat's already inside you your
self-worth, your identity, yourpurpose.
Your next beautiful chapterbeing visible isn't about
demanding attention or making ascene.
It's about remembering that youmatter, not because of what you
(15:36):
do, but because of who you are.
It's about taking up the spaceyou were always meant to occupy.
Listen, being visible doesn'tmean being loud.
It means being present.
It means being honest, it meansbeing whole.
That's what your familyactually needs, not your
perfection, your presence.
It's about writing a story thatincludes you as the main
(15:57):
character, not just thesupporting cast.
Invisibility isn't caused byyour actions.
It's caused by the beliefs thatyour presence only matters when
it's meeting someone else'sneeds.
But y'all, your presence is theneed and it's time to meet it.
But here's the beautiful truthyou get to change that story.
You get to step back into yourown life.
(16:18):
You get to be seen, startingwith seeing yourself.
I started this conversation inmy kitchen feeling like a ghost
in my own home, and maybe todayyour story starts right where
you are too, not with somethingbig, but with a quiet decision
to stop fading and startreturning to yourself.
Your next chapter is waiting,my friend, and I cannot wait to
(16:39):
see what you create.
Remember, your visibilitydoesn't begin when others notice
you.
It begins the moment that youdecide to see what you create.
Remember, your visibilitydoesn't begin when others notice
you.
It begins the moment that youdecide to see yourself again.
So here's your gentle reminderfrom my heart to yours you don't
need to do more to be worthy.
You don't need to be needed tomatter.
You are not just someone'severything, you are someone, and
(16:59):
it's time to live like it.
If you've been feeling invisible lately, like
your husband doesn't really seeyou anymore, your kids have
moved on without you or yourfriends have been caught up in
their own lives, I want you toknow something.
You're not imagining it, andit's not because you're not
enough.
You're not broken, you'rebecoming.
What if the invisibility isn'tthe problem?
It's the invitation not todisappear but to rediscover.
(00:24):
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing the
(00:46):
woman staring back at?
It's the invitation not tobalance the deep longing to feel
confident and worthy again.
You're not alone in this.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelly.
Welcome to your Utmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering yourself, buildingunshakable confidence and
reconnecting with the joy thatlights you up Through practical
strategies and transformativeinsights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling lost to living
fully, because here's the truth.
(01:08):
You're not just someone'severything.
You are someone, and it's timeto embrace your utmost life.
You're not broken.
You're just in the spacebetween who you've always been
and who you're finally ready tobecome.
So let's talk about it.
I remember standing in my ownkitchen.
I gazed at a life that I hadpoured my heart into.
The meals were cooked, kidswere supported, holidays planned
(01:31):
, tears wiped, dreams paused andI felt like a ghost in my own
home.
Everyone was busy, everyone hadsomewhere to be, and I kept
thinking why doesn't anyonenotice that I'm fading away?
No one had done anything wrong,there wasn't a fight, I wasn't
unloved, but I was doingeverything right and I still
felt like I didn't matter.
I felt invisible, and that wasthe loneliest part being
(01:53):
invisible in a life that I hadlovingly built, like I didn't
exist outside of what I could dofor everyone else.
And for the longest time Ithought that the problem was
them.
I thought that if they justnoticed me more, appreciate me
more, need me differently, thenI'd feel seen again.
So I kept doing more, trying tobe more important, more
valuable enough for them.
But the more I tried to prove Iwas worthy of being seen, the
(02:15):
more invisible I became.
Not because I wasn't doingenough, but because I had
forgotten I was already enough.
But here's what I slowlystarted to realize I wasn't
actually waiting for my familyto see me.
I was waiting for me to see meagain, and that changed
everything.
Now, if you've been feeling thisway too, like the world moves
(02:36):
around you but never reallyincludes you, it's not because
you're selfish or dramatic.
You're not having a midlifecrisis.
You're having an identitycrisis, and not because you're
weak or lost, but because youfinally created enough space to
notice the parts of you that gotleft behind.
What if midlife isn't the endof who you were, but the
beginning of who you're here tobecome?
(02:57):
Here's the deal.
The real reason so many midlifemoms feel invisible isn't
because no one appreciates them.
It's because they've beentaught to measure their value by
how well they serve, howquietly they sacrifice and how
little space they take up.
There's even research for this.
Harvick calls it identityforeclosure.
It happens when your identitygets locked into one role for so
(03:20):
long, like caregiving, thatwhen the role changes, you don't
know who you are without it,and this isn't some rare case.
It's incredibly common for momsin midlife.
As our kids grow moreindependent, the role that once
gave us purpose starts to shrink, and so does your sense of self
.
But here's the deal this isn't abreakdown.
It's a breakthrough trying tohappen.
(03:40):
You're not falling apart.
You're waking up.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're finally being confrontedwith everything you've been too
busy to feel.
It's not that you've lostyourself.
It's that you were never taughtto build your identity around
being only about being needed.
That ache you feel, thatemptiness.
It's not selfish.
(04:00):
It's your soul calling you backhome and that disorientation
you're feeling right now.
That's not failure.
It's your soul calling you backhome and that disorientation
you're feeling right now.
That's not failure.
It's the first step torediscovery.
You're not broken.
You're just in the spacebetween who you've always been
and who you're finally ready tobecome.
This is a devastating patternthat's destroying lives
everywhere.
You show up for everyone elsewhile you disappear.
(04:22):
You ignore your own needs untilyou've forgotten what it even
means to have them.
You swallow your resentment andstay quiet while you slowly
suffocate.
And every single day you fade alittle more and you wonder why
no one notices you're dyinginside.
This isn't your fault.
You're just doing what theworld tells you to do.
But here's what's at stake.
Your marriage is becoming abusiness partnership because
(04:43):
you've forgotten how to show upas yourself.
Your kids are learning thatwomen don't matter unless
they're useful.
Your friendships are shallowbecause you're too afraid to
take up space and your dreamsthey're being buried alive under
everyone else's needs.
When our family moved from oursmall town in Montana to the
sprawling landscape of Houston,I thought I'd bounce back
quickly, but instead everythingI had used to define myself the
(05:05):
routines, the communityconnection, predictability it
was all stripped away.
And underneath it all I foundsomeone I barely knew.
My kids were growing up andthey didn't need me.
The same way, my marriage feltdistant.
I was surrounded by people, butI felt completely unseen and
for the first time, I couldn'toutrun the question that had
been following me for years whoam I if I'm not mom?
(05:27):
All the time, the world aroundme seemed to say you should be
happy, you've got a good life,but inside I was unraveling.
I felt selfish for wanting more.
I felt guilty for feeling lost,and I didn't know how to talk
about it.
Because what do you say whennothing is technically wrong
except you don't feel likeyourself anymore?
But feelings aren't facts andwanting more isn't ungrateful,
(05:50):
it's human.
Here's what I need you to hear.
You don't need to fix yourself.
You're not broken.
You've just been living by aset of toxic beliefs that were
never yours to begin with,beliefs like good moms, don't
ask for more.
If I'm not needed, I'm notvaluable.
You're being so emotional andgrateful.
(06:10):
Speaking up means rocking theboat.
I have to wait until everyoneelse is okay before I can be
okay, or your needs come aftereveryone else's.
But here's the thing aboutbeliefs they're not facts,
they're just thoughts thatyou've been thinking for so long
that they feel true.
When did you decide that theywere law?
What if that voice isn't yourtruth at all?
(06:33):
And what if it's actually thevoice that's been stealing your
life?
One quiet sacrifice at a time,because here's what these lies
are costing you right now.
You're teaching your daughterthat women are servants, not
human beings.
You're showing your son thatlove means putting yourself
aside, and your marriage issuffering because your husband
fell in love with a whole person, not a shadow one.
(06:54):
And every day you stayinvisible.
You bury the whole woman youwere meant to be in the life you
were meant to have.
The lie says your silence isstrength, but the truth, that
silence, is what's stealing yourstory.
And until you name the lie, youcan't reclaim the life that's
been robbed from you.
I don't mean to sound harsh,but it's so vital.
Here's the honest truth.
(07:15):
You've been asking why doesn'tanyone see me?
But maybe the better questionis what would change if I saw
myself again first?
Your visibility starts themoment that you decide to unlock
those chains and be seen.
You're not invisible, you'renot insignificant.
You are a woman of worth, andyour journey to reclaim your
(07:35):
identity and self-worth itbegins with a single decision to
stop accepting less than whatyou deserve.
The feeling of invisibility inmidlife isn't actually about
getting older.
It's about finally having thespace to ask who am I when I'm
not performing for everyone else?
That hit me like a ton ofbricks.
When I felt most invisible, Istarted asking myself if no one
(07:57):
needed me today, who would I be?
It was terrifying at firstbecause I didn't have an answer,
but slowly I started to digunderneath the roles that I had
played for decades, underneaththe titles, the labels, the
expectations.
And no, I found a whole womanunder there, a passionate,
opinionated, creative, deeplyspiritual woman who had just
(08:18):
gotten quiet for too long.
I didn't have to become someonenew.
I had to come home to who Ialready was that woman.
She was never lost.
She was just buried under yearsof roles, expectations and a
quiet self eraser.
And as I peeled those layersback, something unexpected
happened.
I started to see a pattern, aprocess, a pathway.
(08:40):
That's when I begin developingwhat I now call your utmost
method a framework forrealignment.
Not about adding more to youralready full life, not about
hustling your way into healing,but about remembering who you
always were meant to be andrebuilding from that foundation.
It's like this For years, youridentity has been painted over
(09:00):
by what the world needed you tobe A mom, wife, helper,
peacekeeper.
But underneath all of thatthere's still a masterpiece, and
the process isn't aboutrepainting.
It's about gently removing whatnever belonged until you
finally see the original again.
That's what the your UtmostMethod does.
It helps you uncover.
Finally see the original again.
That's what the your utmostmethod does.
It helps you uncover her, thereal you, and give her space to
(09:24):
breathe again.
So maybe this is you.
You feel unappreciated, but whensomeone offers you help, you
say I got it no big deal, I'mfine.
You want more from life, butevery time you try to focus on
yourself, you feel like you'rebeing selfish.
You crave purpose, but you'reterrified of what it might cost
to change.
I see these patterns notbecause I read them in a
textbook, but because I livedthem, and breaking free didn't
(09:47):
start with a to-do list.
It started with truth, shocking, as I do love my to-do lists.
But here's what I discoveredFeeling invisible is actually
your soul screaming.
Come find me again.
You're not just a mom, a wife,a helper, a keeper of the peace.
You are a whole human being.
You matter even when you're notneeded.
Your dreams are notdistractions.
(10:09):
Your voice isn't too loud.
And your worth.
It's not something you need towork for or prove.
You know what I learned afteryears of living it, researching
it and walking through it?
Most of us are chasing surfacelevel solutions for soul deep
exhaustion.
We try morning routines,gratitude journals, positive
affirmations.
These are beautiful tools butused like band-aids on a deeper
(10:33):
wound, not because we're broken,but because we've been taught
to bypass the root for the sakeof staying functional.
But here's the truth Exhaustionisn't always solved by sleep.
Sometimes it's the weight of alife that no longer fits.
That's why I created yourutmost method because we don't
need more tasks, we need moretruth.
We go to the root your identity, your beliefs, your vision.
(10:56):
We identify what's misaligned,we release what was never yours
to carry and we rebuild from afoundation of self-worth.
Because becoming who you'retruly meant to be isn't about
doing more.
It's about becoming more of whoyou already are and, honestly.
That's the only way I know toescape the invisible life that
slowly suffocated so many women,one self-den denial at a time.
(11:19):
In all my research and personalexperience, I've identified 10
unmistakable signs that a womanis ready to step out of
invisibility and into her nextchapter.
Things like you long for more,but can't quite name what more
actually is.
You feel like a stranger inyour own life.
You wonder if your best yearsare behind you and you crave
(11:39):
conversations that go deeperthan roles and responsibilities.
And maybe the mostheartbreaking one.
You're not even sure when youstopped feeling like you.
But hear me, these aren't signsof brokenness.
They're signals, invitations,wake-up calls.
They don't mean something'swrong with you.
They mean something beautifulis ready to begin.
(12:01):
You're not dying quietly.
You're being called to liveboldly, honestly and fully as
the woman you were always meantto be.
And here's the part that gave meso much hope.
I came across this researchfrom Harvard that stopped me in
my tracks.
They found that women who gothrough this kind of identity
questioning in midlife the exactthing that you might be walking
(12:22):
through right now isn't crisis.
They're actually prime for whatpsychologists call generative
growth.
Basically, what it means isthat you're ready to create
something deeply meaningful andlasting in your relationships,
your purpose, your impact inyour life.
That flipped the script for me,because for so long I thought
that my restlessness was awarning sign, but now I see it
(12:45):
was a green light.
You're not falling apart,you're being prepared to build
something beautiful, and if thatgave me hope, I hope that it
gives you permission to stopdoubting the stirrings in your
soul and start trusting them.
Here's what I want you to walkaway believing today.
You don't have to wait forsomeone to see you before you're
allowed to take up space.
(13:05):
You don't need a crisis tostart a new chapter.
You don't need anyone else'spermission to value your own
life and your feelings ofinvisibility.
They're not a dead end.
They are a doorway, a doorwayback to the woman who's been
suffocating inside you, the onewho has opinions, dreams,
(13:28):
passions and something importantto say.
I stopped trying to find myselfand started reclaiming myself.
I wasn't lost.
I was buried alive.
And once I realized that Icould finally stop waiting for
someone else to give mepermission to come back to the
life, everything changed.
I rebuilt my beliefs about whatI deserve.
I reframed my identity beyondjust roles.
I designed a new chapter, notby walking away from my life,
(13:49):
but by stepping fully into it.
That process became my healing.
That healing became the methodI've been working with and now I
get to guide other womenthrough the very journey I
walked from invisible to seen,from soul tired to soul lit,
from self-sacrificing toself-led.
Not to fix them, not to helpthem escape motherhood, but to
(14:11):
help them remember there aremore than the roles they've been
playing.
But here's what changes when youstop believing these lies.
You show up in your marriage asa whole person, not just to
help her.
Your kids see a mom who valuesherself and they learn to value
themselves.
Your friendships deepen becauseyou're finally present, not
performing.
Your dreams come alive againbecause you've stopped
(14:32):
suffocating them, and your lifebecomes yours again.
Being seen starts with youseeing yourself again.
If today's conversation hasstirred something inside of you,
if you're recognizing yourselfin some of the ways I've shared,
I created something that mighthelp you.
It's called 10 signs.
You're ready to create yournext chapter.
It's a free, guided experiencethat will help you identify
(14:54):
exactly where you are in thisjourney and what your next small
step might decide.
You'll find not just the 10signs, but gentle reflections
and a simple map to help youstart reconnecting with who you
are, beyond all the roles andexpectations.
You can grab it for free atyou'reatmoselfcom forward slash
next chapter or just check theshow notes, because here's what
(15:15):
I believe with everything in meyou don't need to start over,
you don't need to prove yourworth.
You just need to rediscoverwhat's already inside you your
self-worth, your identity, yourpurpose.
Your next beautiful chapterbeing visible isn't about
demanding attention or making ascene.
It's about remembering that youmatter, not because of what you
(15:36):
do, but because of who you are.
It's about taking up the spaceyou were always meant to occupy.
Listen, being visible doesn'tmean being loud.
It means being present.
It means being honest, it meansbeing whole.
That's what your familyactually needs, not your
perfection, your presence.
It's about writing a story thatincludes you as the main
(15:57):
character, not just thesupporting cast.
Invisibility isn't caused byyour actions.
It's caused by the beliefs thatyour presence only matters when
it's meeting someone else'sneeds.
But y'all, your presence is theneed and it's time to meet it.
But here's the beautiful truthyou get to change that story.
You get to step back into yourown life.
(16:18):
You get to be seen, startingwith seeing yourself.
I started this conversation inmy kitchen feeling like a ghost
in my own home, and maybe todayyour story starts right where
you are too, not with somethingbig, but with a quiet decision
to stop fading and startreturning to yourself.
Your next chapter is waiting,my friend, and I cannot wait to
(16:39):
see what you create.
Remember, your visibilitydoesn't begin when others notice
you.
It begins the moment that youdecide to see what you create.
Remember, your visibilitydoesn't begin when others notice
you.
It begins the moment that youdecide to see yourself again.
So here's your gentle reminderfrom my heart to yours you don't
need to do more to be worthy.
You don't need to be needed tomatter.
You are not just someone'severything, you are someone, and
(16:59):
it's time to live like it.
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