August 25, 2025 • 23 mins
Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and barely recognize the woman staring back? The one who once dreamed big, burned with passion, and had a purpose beyond meeting everyone else's needs? You're not alone. What if you could finally reclaim that vibrant, purposeful woman you've always been? If this resonates with you, then this series is your guide back to yourself.
Welcome to the first episode of our powerful new series, "The Six Major Mom Mistakes and How to Fix Them." Have you ever considered that one of the most dangerous traps mothers fall into isn't what you expect, but rather a subtle habit you probably never even realized you're doing – one that masquerades as noble, pure, and essential for being a 'superwoman,' the perfect mom and a great wife – yet it's silently costing you your joy and sense of self?
In this powerful first episode, we'll uncover the hidden costs of this pattern, revealing how it's fueling your disconnection, invisibility, and those pervasive feelings of being "used up" and past your prime.
We're praised for being selfless and giving, creating a dangerous equation in our minds: more service equals more value. But this fundamentally flawed equation, where you become everything to everyone, is actually the very thing paradoxically moving you further away from the connected, joy-filled family life you desire, and costing you your true self.
The truth is profound yet simple: your worth is non-negotiable. It doesn't fluctuate based on productivity. It's not dependent on others' opinions. Your value exists because you exist - just like Michelangelo's David stands as a masterpiece without doing anything but existing. And if you are ready to begin reclaiming your identity, how could you actively rewire your brain to believe this truth through simple daily practices that affirm your inherent value?
Ready to stop feeling invisible in your own life? What would it be like to transform your marriage from servitude to partnership, raise children who respect boundaries, and most importantly, reclaim the vibrant, purposeful woman you've always been? Subscribe to this podcast series to begin your transformation.
0:00 Welcome to Your Utmost Life
1:55 The First Major Mom Mistake
6:27 The Exhausted Mom's Daily Reality
9:53 The Selfless Service Myth
15:34 Your Worth Is Non-Negotiable
📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.
🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.
✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
This is the very first episode in this brand new
podcast series focused onreclaiming who you are, beyond
just a wife and a mom.
If you are feeling invisible,unseen, undervalued and
disconnected from those you loveand yourself, if you're doing
everything for everyone but feelas though no one sees you, if
you feel disconnected from whoyou are, this series is for you.
In this first episode, we aretalking about something you
(00:23):
probably never realized you'redoing, which is taking pride in
handling it all, puttingeveryone else first and doing
whatever it takes to ensure thatyou are valuable.
How it's causing yourdisconnection, invisibility and,
yes, those feelings of beingused up and past your prime.
I guarantee that if you arelistening to this episode and
you are questioning your purposebeyond being a mom and a wife,
(00:44):
or have broken down in tearswhile showering, and you aren't
feeling valued by your family,despite everything you do for
everyone every day, I'm willingto bet that you might be erasing
yourself from your own life,and we're going to help you fix
that in today's episode.
So keep on listening.
Do you ever catch a glimpse ofyourself in the mirror and
barely recognize that womanstaring back?
The woman who once dreamed big,burned with passion and had a
(01:06):
purpose beyond meeting everyoneelse's needs.
Hi y'all, I'm Missy Chelly, andthis is your Utmost Life the
podcast for moms who feel guiltyfor wanting more or can't
remember the last time theytruly felt like themselves.
If you are tired of feelinginvisible, overwhelmed and
stretched too thin, you've cometo the right place.
Here we'll explore how toreclaim your identity beyond mom
(01:39):
and Thank you.
Move from surviving to thriving, without guilt, overwhelm or
upheaval.
Become an utmost woman whodoesn't just exist.
She designs her life withintention, creates meaningful
impact and shows up as her full,authentic self in every area of
her life.
So stick around, we're justgetting started.
Hello, welcome to anotherepisode of your Utmost Life
Podcast.
(02:00):
Today we are kicking off a newseries I'm calling the six major
mom mistakes and how to fixthem.
These are the most commonmistakes that I see moms make,
and I know that I made myselffor years.
These are the things that justleave us moms feeling invisible,
undervalued, stressed out, wornout and disconnected from those
that we love, from ourselves,and they cause us to go through
(02:21):
life on autopilot and leave usfeeling worn out and used up and
, quite frankly, wantingsomething more, but not really
sure what more actually means.
After talking to some moms andsome other women and really
hearing what they were saying, Irealized that there were
several things that they werestating that I completely
understood, because I too hadexperienced them, and the
struggles they were having, thefeeling that they couldn't shake
(02:44):
, and the response that theywere getting from their family
were all that I too had gonethrough.
And I narrowed it down to thesesix mistakes that kept
reoccurring again and again andreally are those that seem to be
the most detrimental to thelife that we are building, the
family that we love and thewoman that we long to be.
So I wanted to kick this seriesoff with one that sneaks up on
(03:04):
us.
It masquerades as noble, pureand really what we are to do if
we want to be superwoman, theperfect mom and a great wife.
It is the one that leaves usemotionally depleted, waking up,
stressed out and feeling behind.
It causes us to lay awakerunning through our day and our
to-do list.
It causes us to feel inadequateand unappreciated.
And if we're honest withourselves, it's just you and I
(03:26):
here.
So let's be honest.
I'm not judging, because I toohave been there.
We sometimes can feel resentfulof those that we love because we
feel taken for granted, whichin turn, makes us feel like
we're bad moms and a wife, which, in turn, causes us to blame
ourselves and our systems.
We say things like we just needto manage our time better,
organize our life better.
We just need to be better.
(03:48):
And here's the thing.
I know that you love yourfamily.
I know, as a mom and a wife,that you feel grateful and just
want to be your absolute bestand give them everything.
You want your husband to lookat you and tell you that you are
his superwoman.
You want your kids to thinkthat you are the best mom in the
world.
You want your husband to lookat you and tell you that you are
his superwoman.
You want your kids to thinkthat you are the best mom in the
world.
You want to feel valued,appreciated and like you are
(04:10):
rocking your job as a wife and amom.
I believe all great moms andwives do.
Can we agree?
There is nothing wrong withwanting that.
We know that we are proud ofour role as a mom.
We are thankful for our husband.
We love our family.
We stepped into these roleswith the full intention of
living out our life together asa family, making memories,
(04:31):
laughing together, watching ourchildren turn into amazing
adults, and the life we wouldbuild was a beautiful dream we
had together.
But here's the problem thosekids we love, that husband we
adore and that life that we arebuilding.
When we saw the life unfoldingin that beautiful dream, we
didn't see that we would have apacked schedule but feel empty.
A relationship with yourhusband that feels more like
(04:53):
coexisting than a deeplyintimate relationship between
two best friends.
You didn't envision time foreveryone else's needs but your
own.
A relationship with your kidsthat feels a bit like a service
provider, less like theyappreciate you.
As moms desiring to love ourfamily with all of our heart, we
(05:16):
became the ultimate giver, thefamily's foundation, the
selfless servant.
We show our gratitude for awonderful life and ensure that
each one in our family knows howmuch they are loved.
By operating from asubconscious belief, we slip
into a subconscious operatingsystem, from an understanding
that we need to do everythingfor everyone or we are failing
as a mom, wife and daughter.
So you wake up at 5.30 with yourmind racing through the day's
(05:37):
demands.
You have coffee made, laundrystarted, dishwasher empty and
thinking about dinner, all by6.30 am.
Then the morning sprint beginsensuring that doctor's
appointments are scheduled,texts are sent out to remind
your son about his prescriptionhe needs to pick up,
coordinating with your husbandwho will pick up groceries, and
mentally calculating if there isenough in checking to cover the
(05:58):
textbooks your daughter needs.
Wait, what are you going to eattoday?
Coffee in a breakfast bar, itis, and string cheese for lunch.
And off to work.
You go.
Work is no different.
You're pulled in differentdirections and texts from your
family don't stop.
What's for dinner?
Can you schedule my dentistappointment?
Do you know where my birthcertificate is?
Oh, mental note, need to findout if the dorm covers renter's
(06:19):
insurance.
Reality is, you've spent yourday responding to family related
needs on top of your work andhousehold responsibilities, and
it's not even the evening, whichitself has a long list of to
do's.
So when you arrive home, youput away groceries, start dinner
prep and put laundry in thedryer.
Your husband arrives home andhe claps on the couch.
And has this been a long day?
(06:39):
Sigh At 730, dinner is servedand questions ensue.
Did you call about financialaid?
Your dentist called aboutrescheduling.
How does Tuesday at three work?
What did your boss say abouthaving to go out of town in a
couple weeks.
8.15 dinner wraps up.
Kitchen cleaning begins alonebecause your family disperses
immediately after eating.
8.45 bills are paid, foldedlaundry, tidying up the house.
(07:02):
You take the keys you found inthe couch to your son.
Remind your daughter that sheneeds to speak to her advisor.
Ask your husband if he needsthose papers he left in the
chair.
9.30, finally, time for ashower.
Worn out, you stand therementally exhausted.
As you remember, you forgot toschedule the appointment for the
AC company.
Mental note made tears rolldown your face.
Another day passing and thatsame reoccurring thought pops in
(07:24):
your head.
I feel so exhausted, worn outand, honestly, used up.
You really wanted to get tothat book that you heard
everyone raving about and youbought months ago but haven't
even opened.
And as you stand there brushingyour teeth, you glance at
yourself in the mirror and youthink when did I get so old
looking?
And you quickly look away.
1130, laying in bed, frustrated,exhausted, and hoping and
(07:46):
praying you'd go to sleep, butyour mind won't shut off,
replaying the day, what you needto do tomorrow, planning out
how you can improve yourschedule so that you can finally
have a moment to rest.
I'm frustrated why you can'tseem to figure it out.
It seems like everyone else has.
What we fail to see is that weare sabotaging our dream.
You doing everything foreveryone is the most adverse way
(08:09):
to love your family and be thebest mom and wife.
Now let me explain.
We are not failing when wedon't do everything for everyone
.
We are actually failing, as awife and a mom, when we do
subscribe to doing everythingfor everyone.
Honestly, I get this 100%.
I know why you think that, andit's okay.
(08:31):
There is a systematic culturalprogramming that states worth
comes from service, especiallyfor women.
Society reinforces this beliefwhen we become mothers by
praising us for being so givingand selfless.
But how does selflessness equalsuccess?
How does successful parentingcome from carrying the load for
everyone?
How does doing everything foreveryone prove that you are not
(08:55):
failing to raise well-adjusted,self-respecting and whole
children?
How does managing everyoneelse's life create intimacy with
your spouse?
How much do you have to do forthose you love before you feel
you've done enough for them andcan be seen by them as a great
mom and an amazing wife?
I guarantee in their eyes it isa whole lot less than what
(09:17):
you've been doing.
The truth is, you've beenworking your butt off and feel
disconnected from your husband,like a service provider to your
children, and unsure of who youare outside of a mom and a wife.
And if you continue taking careof everyone and everything,
being everything to everyone, itwill continue to take you
further and further from thatdream.
You had that vision you setwith your husband the day you
(09:40):
two talked about your future.
Where do you think you will bein another five, 10 years from
now?
I know what it feels like tocompletely lose yourself in
motherhood because I lived it.
I once lived my life based onmy relationships, what I
perceived to be to others.
I believed that my value toothers came from what I was able
(10:00):
to give or do for them.
There was a time when Iliterally couldn't tell who I
was outside of being a taxidriver for my kids, the cleaning
crew who took care of the houseor a daughter who was never
calling enough.
I had been so erased by myroles that I had no identity
left.
But here's what I learned Justbecause you become a mother
(10:21):
doesn't mean you have to giveyourself away to others and
their love, respect and yourworth to them doesn't increase
with the more that you give ofyourself.
We try to please our spouse, thechildren, our boss, our parents
, our friends, our neighbors,etc.
Our ability to do so is kind oflike a bank.
In the mornings, when we wakeup, we are full of love and then
(10:43):
, as the day goes on, our loveaccount becomes more and more
depleted Every couple of months.
My love account would becomecompletely severely negative and
the bank would close my accountuntil I made a deposit.
I would literally shut down, Iwould run out of everything in
me and I would collapse and justhave to go rest for several
days.
(11:04):
I am pretty sure your intentionas a wife was to be married to
your best friend, to makememories, to raise your children
in a loving home and live alife full of passion, joy and
purpose.
But you find yourself in aposition that feels more like
his coworker, your childrenundervalued assistant, and you
no longer feel like the womanwho had dreams and passions.
(11:24):
You now feel like an invisiblemama.
So what do thriving, fulfilledwomen with passionate marriages
and respectful, deeply connectedrelationships do?
Well, they know they're valuedfor who they are, not for what
they do.
Can you think of one person whois thriving that doesn't
believe in themselves?
No, as Beyonce once said, justbecause you become a mom, it
(11:44):
doesn't mean you lose who youare.
Motherhood is an addition towho you are, not a replacement
of who you are.
So how do you shift yourperspective and start to
understand that you are valuableto your family, not for what
you do, but for who you are?
First, we must start with afoundational truth.
I say foundational because Ibelieve that all good things
(12:05):
flow from our understanding ofour worth.
Think about it.
If something holds value inyour eyes, how do you treat it?
You give it care, you guard it.
You look at it with admiration,you talk about it with joy and
pride.
Notice the question I justasked If something holds value
in your eyes, you must be honestwith how much value you see in
(12:29):
yourself.
Outside of your functionability, how you see yourself is vital.
The value that you place on youas a person is the seed from
which everything flows and growsout of.
Think about the David sculptureby Michelangelo.
Some saw the block of marble asnothing but a rock, but
Michelangelo saw the masterpiecehidden inside.
(12:49):
Some people today still look atthat masterpiece as nothing but
a rock.
But those who see it as themasterpiece it is revel in its
magnificence and believe it tobe priceless.
Let's take it even further.
That priceless sculpture doesnothing.
It stands housed in an Italiangallery, it doesn't do laundry,
(13:10):
it doesn't clean the house, itdoesn't ensure that every
appointment is made, every billis paid, every person who is
around has every want and need.
He isn't serving anyone outsideof just existing.
Yet he provides joy, wondermentand value to those around him.
You are a masterpiece.
You are priceless, but you haveto choose to see yourself as
(13:35):
such.
Wayne Dwyer says it best.
He says that self-worth cannotbe verified by others.
You are worthy because you sayso.
If you depend on others foryour value, it's other worth.
The truth is, you don't have toaccept that you are a priceless
masterpiece.
You can continue to live asthough your value only exists
(13:58):
through service.
But even machines need to bemaintained, otherwise they wear
out fast, break down andeventually just get used up.
However, just like Michelangelosaw the masterpiece hidden
inside the marble block, otherscan see you hidden underneath
the performance.
When you met your husband, didyou laugh together?
Did you dream together?
Did you share in each other'sachievements, joys and enjoy the
(14:20):
company of each other.
You saw him as worth your time,energy, your affection.
You valued him for simply beinghim, just as he saw your value
as a person, as the woman hewanted to marry and spend his
life with.
He didn't see you as ahousekeeper, a banker, a cook,
an Uber driver to his futurechildren.
He saw you as a valuablepartner, a beautiful woman, a
(14:44):
masterpiece.
Here's the truth.
Your worth is non-negotiable.
Your worth isn't earned throughperformance.
It doesn't fluctuate based onproductivity.
It's not dependent on others'opinions.
It exists because you exist.
Your children are valuable toyou, but let's be honest, it
isn't because they're doingeverything for you, ensuring
(15:06):
that your every want and need ishandled before you even know
that it exists.
You value and love them becausethey exist.
Period.
You loved and valued thembefore you even laid eyes on
them.
You, too, have the same value.
So how do you embrace yourinherent value and see yourself
as the masterpiece that you arewhen, for more than a decade,
(15:26):
you've saw your value based onyour service to others?
It's simple you will never feellike a masterpiece if you're not
treated like one, and thatincludes the way that you treat
yourself.
In fact, it starts with you.
You have to establish yourfoundation.
Remember, all things flow fromthe seed of self-worth.
You must declare your basicrights.
(15:48):
You have the right to feelworthy.
You have the right to expressyour needs and wants.
You have the right to see therewards of your labor.
After years of your braintelling yourself you don't have
those rights, you don't deservethose things, you have to tell
yourself a different story.
You must get your brain tobelieve the truth.
(16:09):
You are worthy because youexist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a masterpiece by design.
For the next week, I want you totake 15 seconds a few times
throughout your day.
Yes, you can spend a wholeminute on yourself without being
selfish.
I want you to remind yourselfof those truths.
(16:31):
I want you to look in themirror and look yourself
directly in the eye and tellyourself you are worthy because
you exist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a beautiful masterpieceby design.
And say it with the samedetermination, smile and love as
(16:51):
you would to your daughter,your son, to your best friend.
I know what you are probablythinking, what this is
ridiculous, but here's the truth.
Your brain is amazing, but itis also simple, and the fact
that if someone you loved kepttelling you those same truths
over and over, you would beginto feel that they were true,
correct.
(17:11):
So the fact is, you canactively rewire your brain to
cultivate a positive mindset.
Dr Daniel Amen is quoted sayingyou are not stuck.
With the brain you have, youcan make it better.
We all have a dialoguesubconsciously going through our
heads all day long.
Some of those thoughts arebeneficial and some are holding
us back.
The words we say to ourselvescan help us, improve or harm the
(17:36):
way we think about ourselves.
Think about this for a second.
Imagine if you said those samewords.
You and your husband said thosesame words that I'm asking you
to say to your daughter over andover and over again.
How do you think she would feelabout herself?
The success of this practicecomes from repetition, which is
why you need to pause for 15seconds.
You need to look yourself in themirror in the morning when you
(17:58):
are getting ready, pull out acompact in your office at work,
flip down your visor in the carat a red light and tell yourself
you are worthy because youexist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a beautiful masterpieceby design.
Remind yourself one more timeat night after brushing your
teeth.
Remember those are inherenttruths.
(18:20):
They exist just as the air youbreathe.
You just needed to be remindedthat you are worth it.
Remember you are valuable andvaluables are treated with love,
and that includes the way thatyou treat yourself.
You are worthy because you sayit, so the women who are
(18:47):
thriving are those whose livesare aligned with her true
identity.
You are worthy because you sayit's so.
She knows her inherent worthisn't based on productivity.
She creates purposeful impactfrom her authentic self and
makes intentional choices as thearchitect of her own life.
I know that this is differentthan what you've been taught,
what you've been believing, andfar from what you've been doing.
(19:09):
I understand completely.
If you have listened to some ofmy other podcast episodes or
read any of my articles orfollowed me on social, you might
know by now that my why behindthis podcast and your most self
is because of the time in mylife where my story was dark and
I could not see any light.
I had a marriage that wascoming to an end, relationships
(19:30):
with my kids that I thought werebroken, and I lived in a new
environment that seemed to havestolen all the dreams I had made
, and I had a boat full of liesthat I was believing as to
honest-to-God gospel.
That time in my life all camefrom one root belief my worth,
their love.
My purpose was to serve, doeverything for everyone, or I
(19:51):
was failing in my duty as a wifeand a mom.
If someone was upset, it was myfault.
I needed to fix it, no matterhow big, how small or if it had
absolutely nothing to do with me.
I needed to anticipate oncebefore they existed, and every
need must be met with precision.
Otherwise I wasn't theattentive, loving mother and
(20:11):
wife I needed to be.
I became the invisibleinfrastructure of everyone
else's life, while my own lifequietly disappeared.
One day, one decision, one yes,at a time.
You know the worst part.
Looking back on that period inmy life, it still brings tears
to my eyes, but what I canhonestly say is it was me who
(20:33):
imposed those lies into my wayof operating, not my husband,
not my kids, but me.
I misunderstood what being agreat wife and mother meant.
Not self-sacrifice beyondself-care, not servitude as
proof of value and love.
Yes, life does require action.
(20:53):
Love is selfless but notself-destructive, and doing
everything for everyone is notloving your family.
Well, a loving family respectseach other's boundaries.
It lifts each other up.
It works together as a team toaccomplish life's daily demands.
They support each other, valueeach other, value each other's
(21:14):
input and opinion.
When things were at rock bottomin my life, I had two choices
Keep doing what I've been doingor make a change and try
something new.
I knew that the day I marriedmy husband, I didn't have dreams
of it being on the brink ofdivorce.
I knew that all the distance Ifelt between my children and
myself wasn't at all what Iwanted, and I knew that the way
(21:37):
I felt about myself, my life, myfuture, was not one that I
wanted to keep heading toward.
So let me ask you do you wantto continue to prove your worth
through service?
Teach your children that loveis to diminish oneself for
others, and shift your marriagefrom one of love to one of
drudgery.
Do you want to keepexperiencing constant exhaustion
(21:57):
that rest does not fix feelingunappreciated and resentful,
despite doing everything right,and feeling every moment with
tasks and busyness, taking pridein handling it all without
asking for help or saying yes toevery request from every family
member, staying busy fromwake-up time to bedtime,
over-functioning in allrelationships?
(22:18):
Or would you rather focus onembracing your inherent worth so
you can live as an utmost woman?
Live aligned with your trueidentity, with confidence,
clarity and joy, not justfulfilling your roles, but
leading a life designed with youincluded.
Know that your inherent worthisn't based on productivity.
Create purposeful impact fromyour authentic self.
Make intentional choices as thearchitect of your own life so
(22:41):
that you can feel valuable forwho you are, not what you do.
No longer feel invisible inyour own life.
Experience fulfillment beyondfamily obligations.
Have marriage based onpartnership, not servitude.
Raise your children who respectboundaries and appreciate
efforts.
Build friendships based onmutual interest, not just
convenience.
Make choices based on your ownvalues, not guilt.
(23:04):
Model fulfilled womanhood foryour daughter.
Show your son what to look forin a strong partner and leave a
legacy of purpose, not justsacrifice.
If you are ready to embraceyour inherent worth and start
living as the masterpiece thatyou are, then subscribe to my
podcast, because you won't wantto miss this series and you
don't want to miss this brandnew three-day reclaiming who you
(23:25):
are beyond mom and wife eventthat's coming soon.
So stay tuned because, remember, you are more than a service
provider or everything toeveryone.
You are someone.
You are a priceless masterpiece.
This is the very first episode in this brand new
podcast series focused onreclaiming who you are, beyond
just a wife and a mom.
If you are feeling invisible,unseen, undervalued and
disconnected from those you loveand yourself, if you're doing
everything for everyone but feelas though no one sees you, if
you feel disconnected from whoyou are, this series is for you.
In this first episode, we aretalking about something you
(00:23):
probably never realized you'redoing, which is taking pride in
handling it all, puttingeveryone else first and doing
whatever it takes to ensure thatyou are valuable.
How it's causing yourdisconnection, invisibility and,
yes, those feelings of beingused up and past your prime.
I guarantee that if you arelistening to this episode and
you are questioning your purposebeyond being a mom and a wife,
(00:44):
or have broken down in tearswhile showering, and you aren't
feeling valued by your family,despite everything you do for
everyone every day, I'm willingto bet that you might be erasing
yourself from your own life,and we're going to help you fix
that in today's episode.
So keep on listening.
Do you ever catch a glimpse ofyourself in the mirror and
barely recognize that womanstaring back?
The woman who once dreamed big,burned with passion and had a
(01:06):
purpose beyond meeting everyoneelse's needs.
Hi y'all, I'm Missy Chelly, andthis is your Utmost Life the
podcast for moms who feel guiltyfor wanting more or can't
remember the last time theytruly felt like themselves.
If you are tired of feelinginvisible, overwhelmed and
stretched too thin, you've cometo the right place.
Here we'll explore how toreclaim your identity beyond mom
(01:39):
and Thank you.
Move from surviving to thriving, without guilt, overwhelm or
upheaval.
Become an utmost woman whodoesn't just exist.
She designs her life withintention, creates meaningful
impact and shows up as her full,authentic self in every area of
her life.
So stick around, we're justgetting started.
Hello, welcome to anotherepisode of your Utmost Life
Podcast.
(02:00):
Today we are kicking off a newseries I'm calling the six major
mom mistakes and how to fixthem.
These are the most commonmistakes that I see moms make,
and I know that I made myselffor years.
These are the things that justleave us moms feeling invisible,
undervalued, stressed out, wornout and disconnected from those
that we love, from ourselves,and they cause us to go through
(02:21):
life on autopilot and leave usfeeling worn out and used up and
, quite frankly, wantingsomething more, but not really
sure what more actually means.
After talking to some moms andsome other women and really
hearing what they were saying, Irealized that there were
several things that they werestating that I completely
understood, because I too hadexperienced them, and the
struggles they were having, thefeeling that they couldn't shake
(02:44):
, and the response that theywere getting from their family
were all that I too had gonethrough.
And I narrowed it down to thesesix mistakes that kept
reoccurring again and again andreally are those that seem to be
the most detrimental to thelife that we are building, the
family that we love and thewoman that we long to be.
So I wanted to kick this seriesoff with one that sneaks up on
(03:04):
us.
It masquerades as noble, pureand really what we are to do if
we want to be superwoman, theperfect mom and a great wife.
It is the one that leaves usemotionally depleted, waking up,
stressed out and feeling behind.
It causes us to lay awakerunning through our day and our
to-do list.
It causes us to feel inadequateand unappreciated.
And if we're honest withourselves, it's just you and I
(03:26):
here.
So let's be honest.
I'm not judging, because I toohave been there.
We sometimes can feel resentfulof those that we love because we
feel taken for granted, whichin turn, makes us feel like
we're bad moms and a wife, which, in turn, causes us to blame
ourselves and our systems.
We say things like we just needto manage our time better,
organize our life better.
We just need to be better.
(03:48):
And here's the thing.
I know that you love yourfamily.
I know, as a mom and a wife,that you feel grateful and just
want to be your absolute bestand give them everything.
You want your husband to lookat you and tell you that you are
his superwoman.
You want your kids to thinkthat you are the best mom in the
world.
You want your husband to lookat you and tell you that you are
his superwoman.
You want your kids to thinkthat you are the best mom in the
world.
You want to feel valued,appreciated and like you are
(04:10):
rocking your job as a wife and amom.
I believe all great moms andwives do.
Can we agree?
There is nothing wrong withwanting that.
We know that we are proud ofour role as a mom.
We are thankful for our husband.
We love our family.
We stepped into these roleswith the full intention of
living out our life together asa family, making memories,
(04:31):
laughing together, watching ourchildren turn into amazing
adults, and the life we wouldbuild was a beautiful dream we
had together.
But here's the problem thosekids we love, that husband we
adore and that life that we arebuilding.
When we saw the life unfoldingin that beautiful dream, we
didn't see that we would have apacked schedule but feel empty.
A relationship with yourhusband that feels more like
(04:53):
coexisting than a deeplyintimate relationship between
two best friends.
You didn't envision time foreveryone else's needs but your
own.
A relationship with your kidsthat feels a bit like a service
provider, less like theyappreciate you.
As moms desiring to love ourfamily with all of our heart, we
(05:16):
became the ultimate giver, thefamily's foundation, the
selfless servant.
We show our gratitude for awonderful life and ensure that
each one in our family knows howmuch they are loved.
By operating from asubconscious belief, we slip
into a subconscious operatingsystem, from an understanding
that we need to do everythingfor everyone or we are failing
as a mom, wife and daughter.
So you wake up at 5.30 with yourmind racing through the day's
(05:37):
demands.
You have coffee made, laundrystarted, dishwasher empty and
thinking about dinner, all by6.30 am.
Then the morning sprint beginsensuring that doctor's
appointments are scheduled,texts are sent out to remind
your son about his prescriptionhe needs to pick up,
coordinating with your husbandwho will pick up groceries, and
mentally calculating if there isenough in checking to cover the
(05:58):
textbooks your daughter needs.
Wait, what are you going to eattoday?
Coffee in a breakfast bar, itis, and string cheese for lunch.
And off to work.
You go.
Work is no different.
You're pulled in differentdirections and texts from your
family don't stop.
What's for dinner?
Can you schedule my dentistappointment?
Do you know where my birthcertificate is?
Oh, mental note, need to findout if the dorm covers renter's
(06:19):
insurance.
Reality is, you've spent yourday responding to family related
needs on top of your work andhousehold responsibilities, and
it's not even the evening, whichitself has a long list of to
do's.
So when you arrive home, youput away groceries, start dinner
prep and put laundry in thedryer.
Your husband arrives home andhe claps on the couch.
And has this been a long day?
(06:39):
Sigh At 730, dinner is servedand questions ensue.
Did you call about financialaid?
Your dentist called aboutrescheduling.
How does Tuesday at three work?
What did your boss say abouthaving to go out of town in a
couple weeks.
8.15 dinner wraps up.
Kitchen cleaning begins alonebecause your family disperses
immediately after eating.
8.45 bills are paid, foldedlaundry, tidying up the house.
(07:02):
You take the keys you found inthe couch to your son.
Remind your daughter that sheneeds to speak to her advisor.
Ask your husband if he needsthose papers he left in the
chair.
9.30, finally, time for ashower.
Worn out, you stand therementally exhausted.
As you remember, you forgot toschedule the appointment for the
AC company.
Mental note made tears rolldown your face.
Another day passing and thatsame reoccurring thought pops in
(07:24):
your head.
I feel so exhausted, worn outand, honestly, used up.
You really wanted to get tothat book that you heard
everyone raving about and youbought months ago but haven't
even opened.
And as you stand there brushingyour teeth, you glance at
yourself in the mirror and youthink when did I get so old
looking?
And you quickly look away.
1130, laying in bed, frustrated,exhausted, and hoping and
(07:46):
praying you'd go to sleep, butyour mind won't shut off,
replaying the day, what you needto do tomorrow, planning out
how you can improve yourschedule so that you can finally
have a moment to rest.
I'm frustrated why you can'tseem to figure it out.
It seems like everyone else has.
What we fail to see is that weare sabotaging our dream.
You doing everything foreveryone is the most adverse way
(08:09):
to love your family and be thebest mom and wife.
Now let me explain.
We are not failing when wedon't do everything for everyone
.
We are actually failing, as awife and a mom, when we do
subscribe to doing everythingfor everyone.
Honestly, I get this 100%.
I know why you think that, andit's okay.
(08:31):
There is a systematic culturalprogramming that states worth
comes from service, especiallyfor women.
Society reinforces this beliefwhen we become mothers by
praising us for being so givingand selfless.
But how does selflessness equalsuccess?
How does successful parentingcome from carrying the load for
everyone?
How does doing everything foreveryone prove that you are not
(08:55):
failing to raise well-adjusted,self-respecting and whole
children?
How does managing everyoneelse's life create intimacy with
your spouse?
How much do you have to do forthose you love before you feel
you've done enough for them andcan be seen by them as a great
mom and an amazing wife?
I guarantee in their eyes it isa whole lot less than what
(09:17):
you've been doing.
The truth is, you've beenworking your butt off and feel
disconnected from your husband,like a service provider to your
children, and unsure of who youare outside of a mom and a wife.
And if you continue taking careof everyone and everything,
being everything to everyone, itwill continue to take you
further and further from thatdream.
You had that vision you setwith your husband the day you
(09:40):
two talked about your future.
Where do you think you will bein another five, 10 years from
now?
I know what it feels like tocompletely lose yourself in
motherhood because I lived it.
I once lived my life based onmy relationships, what I
perceived to be to others.
I believed that my value toothers came from what I was able
(10:00):
to give or do for them.
There was a time when Iliterally couldn't tell who I
was outside of being a taxidriver for my kids, the cleaning
crew who took care of the houseor a daughter who was never
calling enough.
I had been so erased by myroles that I had no identity
left.
But here's what I learned Justbecause you become a mother
(10:21):
doesn't mean you have to giveyourself away to others and
their love, respect and yourworth to them doesn't increase
with the more that you give ofyourself.
We try to please our spouse, thechildren, our boss, our parents
, our friends, our neighbors,etc.
Our ability to do so is kind oflike a bank.
In the mornings, when we wakeup, we are full of love and then
(10:43):
, as the day goes on, our loveaccount becomes more and more
depleted Every couple of months.
My love account would becomecompletely severely negative and
the bank would close my accountuntil I made a deposit.
I would literally shut down, Iwould run out of everything in
me and I would collapse and justhave to go rest for several
days.
(11:04):
I am pretty sure your intentionas a wife was to be married to
your best friend, to makememories, to raise your children
in a loving home and live alife full of passion, joy and
purpose.
But you find yourself in aposition that feels more like
his coworker, your childrenundervalued assistant, and you
no longer feel like the womanwho had dreams and passions.
(11:24):
You now feel like an invisiblemama.
So what do thriving, fulfilledwomen with passionate marriages
and respectful, deeply connectedrelationships do?
Well, they know they're valuedfor who they are, not for what
they do.
Can you think of one person whois thriving that doesn't
believe in themselves?
No, as Beyonce once said, justbecause you become a mom, it
(11:44):
doesn't mean you lose who youare.
Motherhood is an addition towho you are, not a replacement
of who you are.
So how do you shift yourperspective and start to
understand that you are valuableto your family, not for what
you do, but for who you are?
First, we must start with afoundational truth.
I say foundational because Ibelieve that all good things
(12:05):
flow from our understanding ofour worth.
Think about it.
If something holds value inyour eyes, how do you treat it?
You give it care, you guard it.
You look at it with admiration,you talk about it with joy and
pride.
Notice the question I justasked If something holds value
in your eyes, you must be honestwith how much value you see in
(12:29):
yourself.
Outside of your functionability, how you see yourself is vital.
The value that you place on youas a person is the seed from
which everything flows and growsout of.
Think about the David sculptureby Michelangelo.
Some saw the block of marble asnothing but a rock, but
Michelangelo saw the masterpiecehidden inside.
(12:49):
Some people today still look atthat masterpiece as nothing but
a rock.
But those who see it as themasterpiece it is revel in its
magnificence and believe it tobe priceless.
Let's take it even further.
That priceless sculpture doesnothing.
It stands housed in an Italiangallery, it doesn't do laundry,
(13:10):
it doesn't clean the house, itdoesn't ensure that every
appointment is made, every billis paid, every person who is
around has every want and need.
He isn't serving anyone outsideof just existing.
Yet he provides joy, wondermentand value to those around him.
You are a masterpiece.
You are priceless, but you haveto choose to see yourself as
(13:35):
such.
Wayne Dwyer says it best.
He says that self-worth cannotbe verified by others.
You are worthy because you sayso.
If you depend on others foryour value, it's other worth.
The truth is, you don't have toaccept that you are a priceless
masterpiece.
You can continue to live asthough your value only exists
(13:58):
through service.
But even machines need to bemaintained, otherwise they wear
out fast, break down andeventually just get used up.
However, just like Michelangelosaw the masterpiece hidden
inside the marble block, otherscan see you hidden underneath
the performance.
When you met your husband, didyou laugh together?
Did you dream together?
Did you share in each other'sachievements, joys and enjoy the
(14:20):
company of each other.
You saw him as worth your time,energy, your affection.
You valued him for simply beinghim, just as he saw your value
as a person, as the woman hewanted to marry and spend his
life with.
He didn't see you as ahousekeeper, a banker, a cook,
an Uber driver to his futurechildren.
He saw you as a valuablepartner, a beautiful woman, a
(14:44):
masterpiece.
Here's the truth.
Your worth is non-negotiable.
Your worth isn't earned throughperformance.
It doesn't fluctuate based onproductivity.
It's not dependent on others'opinions.
It exists because you exist.
Your children are valuable toyou, but let's be honest, it
isn't because they're doingeverything for you, ensuring
(15:06):
that your every want and need ishandled before you even know
that it exists.
You value and love them becausethey exist.
Period.
You loved and valued thembefore you even laid eyes on
them.
You, too, have the same value.
So how do you embrace yourinherent value and see yourself
as the masterpiece that you arewhen, for more than a decade,
(15:26):
you've saw your value based onyour service to others?
It's simple you will never feellike a masterpiece if you're not
treated like one, and thatincludes the way that you treat
yourself.
In fact, it starts with you.
You have to establish yourfoundation.
Remember, all things flow fromthe seed of self-worth.
You must declare your basicrights.
(15:48):
You have the right to feelworthy.
You have the right to expressyour needs and wants.
You have the right to see therewards of your labor.
After years of your braintelling yourself you don't have
those rights, you don't deservethose things, you have to tell
yourself a different story.
You must get your brain tobelieve the truth.
(16:09):
You are worthy because youexist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a masterpiece by design.
For the next week, I want you totake 15 seconds a few times
throughout your day.
Yes, you can spend a wholeminute on yourself without being
selfish.
I want you to remind yourselfof those truths.
(16:31):
I want you to look in themirror and look yourself
directly in the eye and tellyourself you are worthy because
you exist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a beautiful masterpieceby design.
And say it with the samedetermination, smile and love as
(16:51):
you would to your daughter,your son, to your best friend.
I know what you are probablythinking, what this is
ridiculous, but here's the truth.
Your brain is amazing, but itis also simple, and the fact
that if someone you loved kepttelling you those same truths
over and over, you would beginto feel that they were true,
correct.
(17:11):
So the fact is, you canactively rewire your brain to
cultivate a positive mindset.
Dr Daniel Amen is quoted sayingyou are not stuck.
With the brain you have, youcan make it better.
We all have a dialoguesubconsciously going through our
heads all day long.
Some of those thoughts arebeneficial and some are holding
us back.
The words we say to ourselvescan help us, improve or harm the
(17:36):
way we think about ourselves.
Think about this for a second.
Imagine if you said those samewords.
You and your husband said thosesame words that I'm asking you
to say to your daughter over andover and over again.
How do you think she would feelabout herself?
The success of this practicecomes from repetition, which is
why you need to pause for 15seconds.
You need to look yourself in themirror in the morning when you
(17:58):
are getting ready, pull out acompact in your office at work,
flip down your visor in the carat a red light and tell yourself
you are worthy because youexist.
You are valuable because youare human.
You are a beautiful masterpieceby design.
Remind yourself one more timeat night after brushing your
teeth.
Remember those are inherenttruths.
(18:20):
They exist just as the air youbreathe.
You just needed to be remindedthat you are worth it.
Remember you are valuable andvaluables are treated with love,
and that includes the way thatyou treat yourself.
You are worthy because you sayit, so the women who are
(18:47):
thriving are those whose livesare aligned with her true
identity.
You are worthy because you sayit's so.
She knows her inherent worthisn't based on productivity.
She creates purposeful impactfrom her authentic self and
makes intentional choices as thearchitect of her own life.
I know that this is differentthan what you've been taught,
what you've been believing, andfar from what you've been doing.
(19:09):
I understand completely.
If you have listened to some ofmy other podcast episodes or
read any of my articles orfollowed me on social, you might
know by now that my why behindthis podcast and your most self
is because of the time in mylife where my story was dark and
I could not see any light.
I had a marriage that wascoming to an end, relationships
(19:30):
with my kids that I thought werebroken, and I lived in a new
environment that seemed to havestolen all the dreams I had made
, and I had a boat full of liesthat I was believing as to
honest-to-God gospel.
That time in my life all camefrom one root belief my worth,
their love.
My purpose was to serve, doeverything for everyone, or I
(19:51):
was failing in my duty as a wifeand a mom.
If someone was upset, it was myfault.
I needed to fix it, no matterhow big, how small or if it had
absolutely nothing to do with me.
I needed to anticipate oncebefore they existed, and every
need must be met with precision.
Otherwise I wasn't theattentive, loving mother and
(20:11):
wife I needed to be.
I became the invisibleinfrastructure of everyone
else's life, while my own lifequietly disappeared.
One day, one decision, one yes,at a time.
You know the worst part.
Looking back on that period inmy life, it still brings tears
to my eyes, but what I canhonestly say is it was me who
(20:33):
imposed those lies into my wayof operating, not my husband,
not my kids, but me.
I misunderstood what being agreat wife and mother meant.
Not self-sacrifice beyondself-care, not servitude as
proof of value and love.
Yes, life does require action.
(20:53):
Love is selfless but notself-destructive, and doing
everything for everyone is notloving your family.
Well, a loving family respectseach other's boundaries.
It lifts each other up.
It works together as a team toaccomplish life's daily demands.
They support each other, valueeach other, value each other's
(21:14):
input and opinion.
When things were at rock bottomin my life, I had two choices
Keep doing what I've been doingor make a change and try
something new.
I knew that the day I marriedmy husband, I didn't have dreams
of it being on the brink ofdivorce.
I knew that all the distance Ifelt between my children and
myself wasn't at all what Iwanted, and I knew that the way
(21:37):
I felt about myself, my life, myfuture, was not one that I
wanted to keep heading toward.
So let me ask you do you wantto continue to prove your worth
through service?
Teach your children that loveis to diminish oneself for
others, and shift your marriagefrom one of love to one of
drudgery.
Do you want to keepexperiencing constant exhaustion
(21:57):
that rest does not fix feelingunappreciated and resentful,
despite doing everything right,and feeling every moment with
tasks and busyness, taking pridein handling it all without
asking for help or saying yes toevery request from every family
member, staying busy fromwake-up time to bedtime,
over-functioning in allrelationships?
(22:18):
Or would you rather focus onembracing your inherent worth so
you can live as an utmost woman?
Live aligned with your trueidentity, with confidence,
clarity and joy, not justfulfilling your roles, but
leading a life designed with youincluded.
Know that your inherent worthisn't based on productivity.
Create purposeful impact fromyour authentic self.
Make intentional choices as thearchitect of your own life so
(22:41):
that you can feel valuable forwho you are, not what you do.
No longer feel invisible inyour own life.
Experience fulfillment beyondfamily obligations.
Have marriage based onpartnership, not servitude.
Raise your children who respectboundaries and appreciate
efforts.
Build friendships based onmutual interest, not just
convenience.
Make choices based on your ownvalues, not guilt.
(23:04):
Model fulfilled womanhood foryour daughter.
Show your son what to look forin a strong partner and leave a
legacy of purpose, not justsacrifice.
If you are ready to embraceyour inherent worth and start
living as the masterpiece thatyou are, then subscribe to my
podcast, because you won't wantto miss this series and you
don't want to miss this brandnew three-day reclaiming who you
(23:25):
are beyond mom and wife eventthat's coming soon.
So stay tuned because, remember, you are more than a service
provider or everything toeveryone.
You are someone.
You are a priceless masterpiece.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.