July 20, 2025 • 17 mins
Standing in your kitchen at 6 AM, coffee in hand, staring out the window while everyone else sleeps—and that familiar thought creeps in: "Who am I when no one needs me?"
If you've ever googled "why do I feel empty when I should be grateful" at 2 AM, or caught yourself looking at old photos wondering where that woman with dreams went, this episode is for you.
You love your family deeply, but somewhere along the way, you started feeling like you disappeared. Maybe you've been telling yourself this means you failed, or that the "you" you once were is gone for good.
Here's what I want you to consider: You're not lost—you're buried. And there's a huge difference.
In this episode, we're challenging the belief that feeling confused about your identity means something is wrong with you. Because what if that confusion isn't a warning light that you're broken, but an indicator light pointing you back toward something that matters—you?
I'll share:
- Why the feeling of being "lost" is actually a feature, not a bug
- The difference between being lost and being buried (and why it changes everything)
- Four simple shifts to help you move from confusion to understanding
- What becomes possible when you stop seeing yourself as everyone else's person and start reconnecting with who you are
This isn't about burning down your life or following Eat, Pray, Love to Italy. It's about understanding what's really happening to you right now, so you can reconnect with the woman who's been patiently waiting underneath all the roles you play.
Ready to understand what's really happening in your life? Grab the Reality Check-In at www.yourutmostself.com/checkin and start pinpointing what's actually misaligned—not where you should be, but where you ARE.
You are not broken. You are not lost. You are becoming fully you. And the world needs the woman you're discovering more than it needs the woman you think you should be.
📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.
🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.
✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you're listening to this, I want you to know you
are not alone.
You deeply love your family,but lately you've caught
yourself staring in the mirrorwondering when did I start
looking so exhausted all thetime?
You can't remember the lasttime someone asked you what do
you want and you had animmediate answer that wasn't
about everyone else's needs.
First, you're craving thatmoment of being seen and valued
(00:23):
for you.
Maybe in the quiet of nightyou're Googling things like why
do I feel empty when I should begrateful, hoping that no one
will ever check your searchhistory.
Or maybe you thought I don'teven know who I am anymore.
I love my kids, but I feel likeI've lost myself.
My dreams.
They're nowhere to be found.
Somewhere along the way.
You begin to feel lost, unsureof who you truly are anymore,
(00:47):
and maybe you've begun tobelieve that these feelings mean
that you're failing or that you, the you you once knew, is gone
forever.
Listen, I see you.
You have spent years pouringyourself out for everyone your
family, your spouse, your kidsbecause that's what good moms do
.
Of course, it feels like youfaded.
(01:08):
You've been so busy beingneeded that your own space to
simply be has disappeared.
You've been told that goodmothers must sacrifice
everything.
Meanwhile, you watch otherwomen who seem to have it all
figured out, while you feel likeyou're wandering in the dark,
searching for your way.
Do you ever catch a glimpse ofyourself in the mirror, barely
(01:29):
recognizing the woman staringback at you, the woman who once
dreamed big, burned with passionand who had a purpose beyond
meeting everyone else's needs?
As a mom, do you feel stretchedthin, pulled in a thousand
directions, slowly losing sightof who you truly are?
You know exactly what I'mtalking about if you've said I'm
fine three or four times before10 am, when inside you're
anything but fine.
(01:49):
You introduce yourself as whoyou belong to instead of your
own name.
You respond to every textinstantly, but can't remember
the last time you took fiveminutes just for yourself.
That deep longing to feelconfident again, connected,
truly seen and worthy it's notjust in your head, it's real and
you are absolutely not alone.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle and Icreated your Utmost Life just
(02:13):
for you, the woman who's readyto be seen, connected and
vibrantly alive.
Every week, we dive into real,honest conversations using the
exact tools that transformed mylife from invisible to included.
I'll personally guide you toreconnect with your true self,
build rock-solid confidence andreignite that joy that fuels
your soul.
Beyond being just an amazingmom and wife, you're not just
(02:34):
everything to everyone.
You are a unique, powerfulwoman with dreams that matter,
goals that count and a voicethat deserves to be heard.
Imagine waking up every singleday feeling centered, confident
and truly part of the life thatyou're joyfully building.
If you're ready to claim yourspace fully, include yourself in
your own story and step boldlyinto your utmost self, then
let's begin this incrediblejourney together.
(02:57):
So there you are, standing inthe kitchen at 6 am, coffee in
hand, staring out the window Upagain, because for years, this
was your time to put togetherlunches.
The house is quiet, no oneneeds you, no one is asking for
anything, and in that stillness,a thought sneaks in, tightening
your chest who am I when no oneneeds me?
Maybe you have found yourselfscrolling through old photos on
(03:20):
your phone, staring at the womanyou used to be, the one with
dreams, plans and a clear senseof direction.
She was the woman who knew whatshe wanted and chased it
fiercely.
And you wonder where did she go?
When did I stop being me andstart being everyone else's
person, if you have ever caughtyourself thinking I don't know
(03:40):
who I am anymore.
You're far from alone.
I found a research article thatshows that, while only 10 to
20% of people experience aclinically defined midlife
crisis, nearly everyone faces aprolonged period of unease and
questioning about the lifebetween the age of 40 and 60, no
matter who they are.
You love your kids, your family, your life, but somewhere along
(04:05):
the way you felt like youvanished and maybe, deep down,
you began to believe thatfeeling lost means you failed,
or that the woman you once wereis gone forever.
But here's what I want tochallenge today the idea that
feeling confused about youridentity means there's something
wrong with you.
(04:25):
Because what if I told you thatyou're not lost at all?
What if I told you thisconfusion isn't a sign of
failure, but proof that you areready to discover what's truly
going on inside you?
Let's start with a hard truththe feeling of being lost that
you're experiencing.
It's not a bug in your system,it's a feature.
(04:46):
Let me explain what I mean.
For years, you've been operatingunder the cultural programming
that good mothers sacrificeeverything for their families.
You've been told thatselflessness is the highest
virtue and that wanting morethan an organized calendar, a
clean house, a happy, healthyfamily makes you ungrateful.
(05:07):
But here's where that beliefstarts to crumble.
Starts to crumble.
If feeling lost about youridentity meant something was
wrong with you, then every womannavigating major life
transitions would befundamentally flawed.
So are we really saying thatmotherhood, marriage and
personal growth inevitablydamage women?
(05:28):
Think about every woman youadmire who seems whole,
authentic and alive.
These women didn't avoid theconfusion.
They moved through it.
They didn't have it all figuredout from the beginning.
They grew in to theirbrilliance.
Here's what I want you toconsider Isn't it more important
to understand what you'reexperiencing than to judge
(05:51):
yourself for experiencing it?
And isn't raising children whosee their mother as a whole
person more valuable thanraising children who see their
mother only as a caretaker?
When do you feel most lost?
Is it in the quiet momentsalone with your thoughts, or
when you're constantly servingothers?
Because feeling unclear andoverwhelmed is very different
(06:14):
from feeling truly disconnectedfrom yourself.
I want to propose a radicalreframe.
You're not lost, you're buried,and there is a huge difference.
Let's explore what thisdistinction matters.
So lost means that you don'tknow where you are.
Buried means that you knowexactly where you are, but you
(06:38):
need to dig yourself out.
It's like being in a dark room.
You're not lost, you just can'tsee yet.
But the room hasn't changed.
You just need to flip on thelight.
Would you expect a caterpillarin its cocoon to know it's going
to become a butterfly?
The caterpillar doesn't feellost during metamorphosis.
(06:59):
It is in the process ofbecoming the confusion, the not
knowing, the feeling likeeverything is changing.
That's not evidence of beinglost.
That's evidence oftransformation.
What if your confusion isn't aflashing warning light like
(07:19):
something is wrong, but aflashing indicator light to try
to direct you back towardssomething that matters you?
Let me share something personalwith you, as a mom who's been
exactly where you are.
Several years ago, I foundmyself sitting in my own version
of this story.
I was successful by everyexternal measure.
(07:39):
I had a good marriage, I hadhealthy children and I had a
great career.
But I kept catching myselfstaring in the mirror wondering
when did I start looking sotired all the time?
I couldn't remember the lasttime that I had an answer to the
question what do you want?
That my mind didn'tautomatically answer with what I
(08:02):
thought would make everyoneelse happy.
One evening, my husband madethis offhand comment about
missing the woman he married andsomething in me just broke.
Not because he was being cruelhe wasn't but because I realized
I missed her too.
That night I cried myself tosleep, not the stress crying of
(08:23):
overwhelm, but that deep, deepsoul level crying of grief.
I was grieving a woman Ithought I had lost, but here's
what I discovered she wasn'tlost.
She was buried buried underyears of expectations and
shoulds and the belief thatgrowing into my role as a mother
and a partner meant thatshrinking in my role as an
(08:47):
individual woman.
Research has identified the mostchallenging aspects of midlife
as changing family relationships, rebalancing work and personal
life, and rediscovering oneself.
What I experienced wasn'tunique.
It was a part of a documentedpattern that researchers have
(09:07):
been studying for decades.
The researchers have found thatmidlife is often a time of
reflection and reassessment, butthis is not always accompanied
by the psychological upheavalpopularly associated with a
midlife crisis.
The confusion wasn't a sign ofgoing backwards.
It was a sign of getting readyto understand what was really
(09:29):
happening.
Here's what's really happeningwhen you feel like you don't
know who you are anymore.
You've been operating from sucha narrow definition of yourself
for so long that when lifecreates space for you to be more
, it feels foreign.
You've been told that identityis fixed and that you should
know who you are by now.
But identity isn't adestination.
(09:51):
It's a continuous process ofunderstanding who you are in a
whole life, and right now you'rein the sacred space between who
you've been and who you'rediscovering yourself to be.
The women who feel most lostare often the ones who are most
ready to understand what'sreally happening, not by someone
(10:12):
else, but by themselves.
So how do you move from buriedto understanding?
How do you stop believing thatconfusion means failure and
start seeing it as information?
Let me share with you fourspecific shifts that can make a
difference.
First, let's change yourlanguage, because language
(10:33):
literally rewires your brain.
So the next time you catchyourself thinking I don't know
who I am, I want you to trysomething, one tiny word added
to the end of the sentence Idon't know who I am yet.
Do you feel that that shift?
Lost implies you've made amistake, yet means you're
(10:53):
gathering information.
The one word creates space forunderstanding instead of shame.
Second, I want you to go on atreasure hunt for yourself.
So tomorrow, grab a notebook andwrite down every role you
currently play Mother, partner,employee, daughter, friend, all
of them.
Then, beside each role, I wantyou to write one thing about
(11:17):
yourself that existed beforethat role ever did so.
Maybe next to mother, you writeI love to write poetry.
Next to partner, you mightwrite I'm naturally curious
about architectural design.
Next to employee, maybe it's Ihave strong organizational
skills that make me feel capableand confident.
Here's what I want you tounderstand.
(11:39):
These aren't things you've lost.
They're things that have beenburied under the weight of
responsibility, but they'restill there.
They're waiting for you toremember them.
The third thing is startpracticing what I call
micro-rediscovery.
You don't need to quit your jobor follow eat, pray, love to
Italy to reconnect with yourself.
(12:00):
Start with five minutes a day,just five, doing something that
feels like you, not you as amother, not you as a partner or
employee, but you as anindividual human being.
Here's exactly what this lookslike.
Tomorrow morning, before anyoneelse wakes up, spend exactly
five minutes doing somethingthat existed before you became
(12:23):
everyone else's everything.
Maybe it's putting onheadphones and listening to
music that makes your soul comealive.
Maybe it's writing three pagesof whatever comes to mind.
Maybe it's dancing in yourkitchen or stepping outside to
feel the sun on your face.
The goal isn't to find yourselfall at once.
It's simply a reminder that youexist independently of your
(12:46):
roles.
And finally, I want you tocompletely redefine your
relationship with confusion.
So, instead of seeing confusionas evidence that something is
wrong with you, I want you tostart seeing it as evidence that
you are gathering information.
When you feel unclear oruncertain, get curious, ask
yourself what is this confusiontrying to show me what wants to
(13:10):
be understood?
Because here's the truth.
Confusion isn't comfortable,but it's not dangerous.
It's actually the space wherenew understanding lives.
It's the cocoon before thebutterfly.
Now let's talk about whatbecomes possible when you shift
the belief.
When you stop seeing confusionas failure and start seeing it
(13:32):
as information about who you'rebecoming.
Everything changes when youmodel wholeness instead of
sacrifice.
Your children learn that theydon't have to disappear into
their roles to be valuable.
They learn that being humanmeans being complex,
multifaceted and continuouslygrowing.
When you show up as a completeperson in your relationships,
(13:55):
your connections deepen.
Your partner doesn't fall inlove with your perfect
performance.
They fall in love with yourauthentic humanity.
When you honor your own processof understanding yourself, you
give permission to every womanin your life to do the same, you
become part of the solution toa cultural problem that has been
crushing women for generations.
(14:18):
But what happens if you don'tmake this shift?
What if you keep believing thatfeeling confused means you're
broken?
Research from the MassachusettsGeneral Hospital Center for
Women's Mental Health found thatby the time women reach midlife
, approximately 23% haveexperienced at least one episode
(14:38):
of major depression and 30%have been diagnosed with an
anxiety disorder.
Even more concerning is thatwomen with a history of both
depression and anxiety disorderswere twice as likely to report
lower level of quality of lifeduring midlife compared to women
with neither disorder.
The data shows that women whosuppress their individual
(14:59):
identity in a service of familyroles are more vulnerable to
these mental health challengesas they age, and their children
often struggle with their ownidentity formation because they
never saw their mother as anindividual separate from her
roles.
But here's what I really wantyou to understand this isn't
just about you feeling better.
This is about changing thenarrative for generations of
(15:23):
women who come after us.
As a mom who believes that weneed to model wholeness, not
just sacrifice, I want you toknow when you choose to see
confusion as information insteadof failure, you're not just
healing your own relationshipwith yourself.
You're healing the culturalwound that tells women that they
must choose between being goodmothers and being whole humans.
(15:45):
You're proving that it'spossible to love your family
deeply and have a rich, complexinner life.
You're demonstrating thatservice to others doesn't
require self-abandonment.
So let me leave you with thisthe woman you're looking for
isn't lost.
She's not gone.
She's not broken.
She's been patiently waitingfor you to remember that she was
(16:08):
never supposed to fit into thesmall boxes that others created
for her.
Your confusion isn't evidence offailure.
It's evidence of readiness.
You're ready to stop judgingyourself for feeling
disconnected and startunderstanding what's really
happening to you.
You're ready to understand thatyour identity isn't something
(16:29):
you find once and keep forever.
It's something you discover andrediscover as you grow, change
and become more of who you'vealways been, underneath the
rules.
If any of what I shared todayhas resonated with you, if
you're thinking she gets whatI'm going through, I have
something that might help youidentify what's actually
happening in your life right now.
It's called the realitycheck-in and it's designed to
(16:52):
help you pinpoint what'smisaligned in your current life
and identity, not where youshould be, but where you are,
because once you understandwhat's really happening,
everything starts to make sense.
It's not about fixing yourselfor transforming your life.
It's about understanding yourlife so you can reconnect with
who you are underneath all theroles you play your life.
(17:16):
So you can reconnect with whoyou are underneath all the roles
you play.
You can grab it atwwwyourutmostselfcom.
Forward slash, check in nohyphen or click the link in the
show notes.
For today.
I want you to remember this youare not lost, you are not
broken.
You are gathering informationabout who you are becoming, and
the world needs the woman thatyou're discovering more than it
(17:37):
needs the woman you think youshould be.
The confusion you feel it's nota problem to solve.
It's information, to understandabout your whole authentic life
, because you are more thaneveryone's, everything.
You are someone.
If you're listening to this, I want you to know you
are not alone.
You deeply love your family,but lately you've caught
yourself staring in the mirrorwondering when did I start
looking so exhausted all thetime?
You can't remember the lasttime someone asked you what do
you want and you had animmediate answer that wasn't
about everyone else's needs.
First, you're craving thatmoment of being seen and valued
(00:23):
for you.
Maybe in the quiet of nightyou're Googling things like why
do I feel empty when I should begrateful, hoping that no one
will ever check your searchhistory.
Or maybe you thought I don'teven know who I am anymore.
I love my kids, but I feel likeI've lost myself.
My dreams.
They're nowhere to be found.
Somewhere along the way.
You begin to feel lost, unsureof who you truly are anymore,
(00:47):
and maybe you've begun tobelieve that these feelings mean
that you're failing or that you, the you you once knew, is gone
forever.
Listen, I see you.
You have spent years pouringyourself out for everyone your
family, your spouse, your kidsbecause that's what good moms do
.
Of course, it feels like youfaded.
(01:08):
You've been so busy beingneeded that your own space to
simply be has disappeared.
You've been told that goodmothers must sacrifice
everything.
Meanwhile, you watch otherwomen who seem to have it all
figured out, while you feel likeyou're wandering in the dark,
searching for your way.
Do you ever catch a glimpse ofyourself in the mirror, barely
(01:29):
recognizing the woman staringback at you, the woman who once
dreamed big, burned with passionand who had a purpose beyond
meeting everyone else's needs?
As a mom, do you feel stretchedthin, pulled in a thousand
directions, slowly losing sightof who you truly are?
You know exactly what I'mtalking about if you've said I'm
fine three or four times before10 am, when inside you're
anything but fine.
(01:49):
You introduce yourself as whoyou belong to instead of your
own name.
You respond to every textinstantly, but can't remember
the last time you took fiveminutes just for yourself.
That deep longing to feelconfident again, connected,
truly seen and worthy it's notjust in your head, it's real and
you are absolutely not alone.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle and Icreated your Utmost Life just
(02:13):
for you, the woman who's readyto be seen, connected and
vibrantly alive.
Every week, we dive into real,honest conversations using the
exact tools that transformed mylife from invisible to included.
I'll personally guide you toreconnect with your true self,
build rock-solid confidence andreignite that joy that fuels
your soul.
Beyond being just an amazingmom and wife, you're not just
(02:34):
everything to everyone.
You are a unique, powerfulwoman with dreams that matter,
goals that count and a voicethat deserves to be heard.
Imagine waking up every singleday feeling centered, confident
and truly part of the life thatyou're joyfully building.
If you're ready to claim yourspace fully, include yourself in
your own story and step boldlyinto your utmost self, then
let's begin this incrediblejourney together.
(02:57):
So there you are, standing inthe kitchen at 6 am, coffee in
hand, staring out the window Upagain, because for years, this
was your time to put togetherlunches.
The house is quiet, no oneneeds you, no one is asking for
anything, and in that stillness,a thought sneaks in, tightening
your chest who am I when no oneneeds me?
Maybe you have found yourselfscrolling through old photos on
(03:20):
your phone, staring at the womanyou used to be, the one with
dreams, plans and a clear senseof direction.
She was the woman who knew whatshe wanted and chased it
fiercely.
And you wonder where did she go?
When did I stop being me andstart being everyone else's
person, if you have ever caughtyourself thinking I don't know
(03:40):
who I am anymore.
You're far from alone.
I found a research article thatshows that, while only 10 to
20% of people experience aclinically defined midlife
crisis, nearly everyone faces aprolonged period of unease and
questioning about the lifebetween the age of 40 and 60, no
matter who they are.
You love your kids, your family, your life, but somewhere along
(04:05):
the way you felt like youvanished and maybe, deep down,
you began to believe thatfeeling lost means you failed,
or that the woman you once wereis gone forever.
But here's what I want tochallenge today the idea that
feeling confused about youridentity means there's something
wrong with you.
(04:25):
Because what if I told you thatyou're not lost at all?
What if I told you thisconfusion isn't a sign of
failure, but proof that you areready to discover what's truly
going on inside you?
Let's start with a hard truththe feeling of being lost that
you're experiencing.
It's not a bug in your system,it's a feature.
(04:46):
Let me explain what I mean.
For years, you've been operatingunder the cultural programming
that good mothers sacrificeeverything for their families.
You've been told thatselflessness is the highest
virtue and that wanting morethan an organized calendar, a
clean house, a happy, healthyfamily makes you ungrateful.
(05:07):
But here's where that beliefstarts to crumble.
Starts to crumble.
If feeling lost about youridentity meant something was
wrong with you, then every womannavigating major life
transitions would befundamentally flawed.
So are we really saying thatmotherhood, marriage and
personal growth inevitablydamage women?
(05:28):
Think about every woman youadmire who seems whole,
authentic and alive.
These women didn't avoid theconfusion.
They moved through it.
They didn't have it all figuredout from the beginning.
They grew in to theirbrilliance.
Here's what I want you toconsider Isn't it more important
to understand what you'reexperiencing than to judge
(05:51):
yourself for experiencing it?
And isn't raising children whosee their mother as a whole
person more valuable thanraising children who see their
mother only as a caretaker?
When do you feel most lost?
Is it in the quiet momentsalone with your thoughts, or
when you're constantly servingothers?
Because feeling unclear andoverwhelmed is very different
(06:14):
from feeling truly disconnectedfrom yourself.
I want to propose a radicalreframe.
You're not lost, you're buried,and there is a huge difference.
Let's explore what thisdistinction matters.
So lost means that you don'tknow where you are.
Buried means that you knowexactly where you are, but you
(06:38):
need to dig yourself out.
It's like being in a dark room.
You're not lost, you just can'tsee yet.
But the room hasn't changed.
You just need to flip on thelight.
Would you expect a caterpillarin its cocoon to know it's going
to become a butterfly?
The caterpillar doesn't feellost during metamorphosis.
(06:59):
It is in the process ofbecoming the confusion, the not
knowing, the feeling likeeverything is changing.
That's not evidence of beinglost.
That's evidence oftransformation.
What if your confusion isn't aflashing warning light like
(07:19):
something is wrong, but aflashing indicator light to try
to direct you back towardssomething that matters you?
Let me share something personalwith you, as a mom who's been
exactly where you are.
Several years ago, I foundmyself sitting in my own version
of this story.
I was successful by everyexternal measure.
(07:39):
I had a good marriage, I hadhealthy children and I had a
great career.
But I kept catching myselfstaring in the mirror wondering
when did I start looking sotired all the time?
I couldn't remember the lasttime that I had an answer to the
question what do you want?
That my mind didn'tautomatically answer with what I
(08:02):
thought would make everyoneelse happy.
One evening, my husband madethis offhand comment about
missing the woman he married andsomething in me just broke.
Not because he was being cruelhe wasn't but because I realized
I missed her too.
That night I cried myself tosleep, not the stress crying of
(08:23):
overwhelm, but that deep, deepsoul level crying of grief.
I was grieving a woman Ithought I had lost, but here's
what I discovered she wasn'tlost.
She was buried buried underyears of expectations and
shoulds and the belief thatgrowing into my role as a mother
and a partner meant thatshrinking in my role as an
(08:47):
individual woman.
Research has identified the mostchallenging aspects of midlife
as changing family relationships, rebalancing work and personal
life, and rediscovering oneself.
What I experienced wasn'tunique.
It was a part of a documentedpattern that researchers have
(09:07):
been studying for decades.
The researchers have found thatmidlife is often a time of
reflection and reassessment, butthis is not always accompanied
by the psychological upheavalpopularly associated with a
midlife crisis.
The confusion wasn't a sign ofgoing backwards.
It was a sign of getting readyto understand what was really
(09:29):
happening.
Here's what's really happeningwhen you feel like you don't
know who you are anymore.
You've been operating from sucha narrow definition of yourself
for so long that when lifecreates space for you to be more
, it feels foreign.
You've been told that identityis fixed and that you should
know who you are by now.
But identity isn't adestination.
(09:51):
It's a continuous process ofunderstanding who you are in a
whole life, and right now you'rein the sacred space between who
you've been and who you'rediscovering yourself to be.
The women who feel most lostare often the ones who are most
ready to understand what'sreally happening, not by someone
(10:12):
else, but by themselves.
So how do you move from buriedto understanding?
How do you stop believing thatconfusion means failure and
start seeing it as information?
Let me share with you fourspecific shifts that can make a
difference.
First, let's change yourlanguage, because language
(10:33):
literally rewires your brain.
So the next time you catchyourself thinking I don't know
who I am, I want you to trysomething, one tiny word added
to the end of the sentence Idon't know who I am yet.
Do you feel that that shift?
Lost implies you've made amistake, yet means you're
(10:53):
gathering information.
The one word creates space forunderstanding instead of shame.
Second, I want you to go on atreasure hunt for yourself.
So tomorrow, grab a notebook andwrite down every role you
currently play Mother, partner,employee, daughter, friend, all
of them.
Then, beside each role, I wantyou to write one thing about
(11:17):
yourself that existed beforethat role ever did so.
Maybe next to mother, you writeI love to write poetry.
Next to partner, you mightwrite I'm naturally curious
about architectural design.
Next to employee, maybe it's Ihave strong organizational
skills that make me feel capableand confident.
Here's what I want you tounderstand.
(11:39):
These aren't things you've lost.
They're things that have beenburied under the weight of
responsibility, but they'restill there.
They're waiting for you toremember them.
The third thing is startpracticing what I call
micro-rediscovery.
You don't need to quit your jobor follow eat, pray, love to
Italy to reconnect with yourself.
(12:00):
Start with five minutes a day,just five, doing something that
feels like you, not you as amother, not you as a partner or
employee, but you as anindividual human being.
Here's exactly what this lookslike.
Tomorrow morning, before anyoneelse wakes up, spend exactly
five minutes doing somethingthat existed before you became
(12:23):
everyone else's everything.
Maybe it's putting onheadphones and listening to
music that makes your soul comealive.
Maybe it's writing three pagesof whatever comes to mind.
Maybe it's dancing in yourkitchen or stepping outside to
feel the sun on your face.
The goal isn't to find yourselfall at once.
It's simply a reminder that youexist independently of your
(12:46):
roles.
And finally, I want you tocompletely redefine your
relationship with confusion.
So, instead of seeing confusionas evidence that something is
wrong with you, I want you tostart seeing it as evidence that
you are gathering information.
When you feel unclear oruncertain, get curious, ask
yourself what is this confusiontrying to show me what wants to
(13:10):
be understood?
Because here's the truth.
Confusion isn't comfortable,but it's not dangerous.
It's actually the space wherenew understanding lives.
It's the cocoon before thebutterfly.
Now let's talk about whatbecomes possible when you shift
the belief.
When you stop seeing confusionas failure and start seeing it
(13:32):
as information about who you'rebecoming.
Everything changes when youmodel wholeness instead of
sacrifice.
Your children learn that theydon't have to disappear into
their roles to be valuable.
They learn that being humanmeans being complex,
multifaceted and continuouslygrowing.
When you show up as a completeperson in your relationships,
(13:55):
your connections deepen.
Your partner doesn't fall inlove with your perfect
performance.
They fall in love with yourauthentic humanity.
When you honor your own processof understanding yourself, you
give permission to every womanin your life to do the same, you
become part of the solution toa cultural problem that has been
crushing women for generations.
(14:18):
But what happens if you don'tmake this shift?
What if you keep believing thatfeeling confused means you're
broken?
Research from the MassachusettsGeneral Hospital Center for
Women's Mental Health found thatby the time women reach midlife
, approximately 23% haveexperienced at least one episode
(14:38):
of major depression and 30%have been diagnosed with an
anxiety disorder.
Even more concerning is thatwomen with a history of both
depression and anxiety disorderswere twice as likely to report
lower level of quality of lifeduring midlife compared to women
with neither disorder.
The data shows that women whosuppress their individual
(14:59):
identity in a service of familyroles are more vulnerable to
these mental health challengesas they age, and their children
often struggle with their ownidentity formation because they
never saw their mother as anindividual separate from her
roles.
But here's what I really wantyou to understand this isn't
just about you feeling better.
This is about changing thenarrative for generations of
(15:23):
women who come after us.
As a mom who believes that weneed to model wholeness, not
just sacrifice, I want you toknow when you choose to see
confusion as information insteadof failure, you're not just
healing your own relationshipwith yourself.
You're healing the culturalwound that tells women that they
must choose between being goodmothers and being whole humans.
(15:45):
You're proving that it'spossible to love your family
deeply and have a rich, complexinner life.
You're demonstrating thatservice to others doesn't
require self-abandonment.
So let me leave you with thisthe woman you're looking for
isn't lost.
She's not gone.
She's not broken.
She's been patiently waitingfor you to remember that she was
(16:08):
never supposed to fit into thesmall boxes that others created
for her.
Your confusion isn't evidence offailure.
It's evidence of readiness.
You're ready to stop judgingyourself for feeling
disconnected and startunderstanding what's really
happening to you.
You're ready to understand thatyour identity isn't something
(16:29):
you find once and keep forever.
It's something you discover andrediscover as you grow, change
and become more of who you'vealways been, underneath the
rules.
If any of what I shared todayhas resonated with you, if
you're thinking she gets whatI'm going through, I have
something that might help youidentify what's actually
happening in your life right now.
It's called the realitycheck-in and it's designed to
(16:52):
help you pinpoint what'smisaligned in your current life
and identity, not where youshould be, but where you are,
because once you understandwhat's really happening,
everything starts to make sense.
It's not about fixing yourselfor transforming your life.
It's about understanding yourlife so you can reconnect with
who you are underneath all theroles you play your life.
(17:16):
So you can reconnect with whoyou are underneath all the roles
you play.
You can grab it atwwwyourutmostselfcom.
Forward slash, check in nohyphen or click the link in the
show notes.
For today.
I want you to remember this youare not lost, you are not
broken.
You are gathering informationabout who you are becoming, and
the world needs the woman thatyou're discovering more than it
(17:37):
needs the woman you think youshould be.
The confusion you feel it's nota problem to solve.
It's information, to understandabout your whole authentic life
, because you are more thaneveryone's, everything.
You are someone.
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