The Foundation You're Missing: Why Self-Worth Comes Before Everything Else

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We challenge the belief that a woman’s worth is earned through performance and being needed, and show how that belief silently shapes a family’s legacy. We share five truths about inherent worth and offer simple steps to model a different script for our kids.

• how earned-worth thinking shows up in daily choices
• the cost of perfectionism, apology, and overdoing
• the breaking point that exposes the faulty equation
• five truths of inherent, unchanging worth
• accepting worth versus merely knowing it
• boundaries, rest, and decisions that honor self
• two legacies to choose between
• one worth-based decision to make today

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Your children are still watching.
They may not live under yourroof anymore.
They may only come home forspecial occasions, but they're
watching how you navigate life.
They're watching what youbelieve about your own worth.
And right now, whether yourealize it or not, you're
teaching them that a woman'sworth comes from her
productivity, from herperformance, from how much she
can do and how well she can doit.

(00:21):
You're teaching that beingneeded equals being valuable,
that rest is selfish, thatsaying no is failure, and that
prioritizing yourself meansyou're not a good mother.
Here's the devastating part.
The value that you assess foryourself right now, the worth
that you claim or deny, iswriting the script for how your
children will value themselvesand the women in their lives for

(00:43):
generations to come.
If you are tired of feeling likeyou don't know who you are
anymore, and when you look inthe mirror, you think, is this
all there is?
Welcome to your MOS LifePodcast.
My name is Misty Chelle, and Iwill help you step into your
highest potential and design thelife that you were meant to
live, one that feels true, rich,and deeply satisfying.

(01:04):
This podcast will give you theprinciples and strategic tools
to see true and lasting successin the areas of health,
relationships, confidence,goals, all the way to topics
like growth, purpose, love,parenting, and more.
This is the place that you startthe process of becoming your
utmost self and living a lifethat you love by design,
non-default.

(01:24):
This is your utmost lifepodcast.
Welcome.
Today we are talking about yourself-worth and how it becomes
your legacy.
Let me be direct with you aboutsomething you probably haven't
even realized.
Every time that you exhaustyourself to make everything
perfect for everyone else, yourchildren are watching.

(01:46):
Every time that you say, I'mfine, when you're clearly not,
they're watching.
And every time that you makeyourself smaller so everyone
else can be comfortable, they'relearning.
And what they're learning isthis a woman's value comes from
what she does.
Being needed equals beingvaluable.

(02:07):
Your needs don't matter as muchas everyone else's.
You think that you're showingthem what love looks like.
You think that you're teachingthem to be generous and giving.
You think that you are being agood mom.
But what you're actuallyteaching them is that your worth
is conditional.
You have to earn it every singleday through performance and
productivity.

(02:28):
And I know that's not what youwant for them.
I know that you don't want yourdaughter to spend her life
apologizing for existing.
You don't want your son to thinkthat women in their life should
exhaust themselves to provetheir value.
You don't want them to hit 40,50, 60 years old and realize
that they have spent theirentire lives trying to earn

(02:49):
something that they already had.
But that's the legacy you'releaving right now.
Not because you're a bad mother,not because you don't love them,
but because you're running on ahidden belief that you don't
even know you're doing.
You're leaving, you're livingwith this belief system that
says, my worth comes from what Ido, how much I do, and how well

(03:10):
I do it.
And that belief is showing up ineverything.
How you host family gatherings,how you respond when someone
needs you, how you prioritize ordon't prioritize yourself, how
you speak about yourself whenyou think no one's listening.
Your children see all of it.
Let me tell you what thisactually looks like in your

(03:31):
daily life, because I've beenthere.
You are saying yes toeverything, every request, every
opportunity to help, everychance to make someone else
happy.
Because saying yes makes youfeel valuable, makes you feel
needed, makes you feel like youmatter.
You work yourself to exhaustion,making sure that every detail is

(03:53):
perfect.
The house is spotless, the mealsare amazing, every event is
flawless, every need isanticipated and met.
Because if you can do itperfectly, then you're valuable.
You apologize constantly forthings that aren't even your
fault.
I am sorry, has become yourdefault response to everything.

(04:16):
Because deep down, you believethat your existence is an
inconvenience that you have tomake up for through constant
service.
You scroll social media at nightcomparing yourself to other
women, women who seem to have itall together, women who seem to
be confident and purposeful, andyou think, what's wrong with me?
Why can't I be like that?

(04:37):
You're never re you neverrealize that they're probably
doing the exact same thing.
You feel guilty whenever you cando anything for yourself.
Take time to read, it's selfish.
Going for a walk alone, it'sselfish.
Resting and recharging, it'sselfish because if you are not
doing something for someoneelse, you are wasting your

(04:57):
value.
And after every familygathering, after every special
occasion, after every time youpour yourself out for everyone
else, you feel that hollow ache,that emptiness, that sense of I
did everything right.
So why do I feel so wrong?
But you never stop to ask whyyou feel that way.
You just assume something iswrong with you.

(05:18):
Here's what I need you tounderstand.
You have been running on thisequation your entire life
without even knowing it.
My worth equals what I do andhow well I do it, plus how much
I'm needed.
And that equation is killingyou.
But worse than that, it's thelegacy that you're leaving.
I know this because I lived it.

(05:39):
When I became pregnant with myfirst child, something shifted
in me.
I felt whole in a way I'd neverfelt before.
I felt like I finally had apurpose, I had a reason to
exist, and I had a role thatmattered.
And for the next 20 years, Ithrew myself into that role with
everything I had.
I became the mom, the caretaker,the one who made everything

(06:01):
happen, the one who kepteveryone's lives running
smoothly.
Well, mine, well, mine sort ofjust kind of disappeared into
the background.
But I didn't see it that way atthe time.
I thought I was doing exactlywhat I was supposed to be doing.
I thought that's what lovelooked like.
I thought that's what goodmothers did.
I thought that my worth camefrom how much I could do for

(06:23):
everyone else.
For years I believed that, andfor years it worked.
Or at least I thought that itdid.
Because as long as I was needed,as long as I was doing, as long
as everyone else was happy, Ifelt valuable, I felt important,

(06:43):
I felt like I mattered, but Ihad built my entire sense of
worth on a foundation that wasgoing to crumble.
And it did.
My husband and I moved ourfamily across the country from
Montana to Houston.
It was a new state, it was a newcity, there was no support
system, no one to carry the loadthat I had been carrying alone

(07:04):
for years.
And within months of that move,everything fell apart.
My marriage was on the brink ofdivorce.
We were all struggling with thetransition, and I felt like the
entire success or failure ofthat move was my responsibility
to control.
I did what I had always done.
I tried to fix it, I tried to domore, I tried to be more, work

(07:26):
harder, sacrifice more, controlmore.
If I could just make the houseperfect, maybe my husband would
be happy.
If I could just manage the kids'emotions better, maybe they
would adjust.
If I could just do enough, maybeeverything would be okay.
But it wasn't working.
One day, I will never forgetthis.

(07:47):
I was sitting on my couch aftereveryone had left for the day.
The house was clean, the laundrywas done, the meals were
prepped, and the doing was done.
And then I just broke.
I sat there crying, askingmyself a question I had never
let myself ask before.

(08:07):
Does my value get used up?
Did I use it up?
Did I have any value left tooffer?
And had I given everything Ihad, which is why now everything
was falling apart.
It was a terrifying question.
That day on the couch, Irealized something that had
changed that changed everything.
I realized that this empty,hollow feeling wasn't because of

(08:31):
the move or the marriage crisisor the transition.
It was a feeling that had beenthere for years.
Every special occasion, I'd feelit, after the preparation, after
the perfect meal, after everyonewent back to their lives, I'd
stand in my clean kitchen andfeel empty, like I'd missed
something, like I'd beenperforming in a play instead of
actually living my life.

(08:52):
I had been running on thisbelief my entire adult life
without even knowing it.
And then, kneeling on thebathroom floor, scrubbing the
tub with tears streaming down myface, another realization hit me
like a freak train.
I was teaching my children theexact same equation.
Without meaning to, withoutrealizing it, without wanting

(09:12):
to.
I was showing them that awoman's value comes from what
she does, that being neededequals being valuable, that rest
is selfish, that your needsdon't matter as much as everyone
else's.
Oh my goodness, what was Idoing?
As I sat there on the edge ofthe tub, five truths hit me all
at once.

(09:33):
Truths that I'd intellectuallyknown but had never really fully
accepted, didn't think about.
The first truth is my worthisn't earned.
It's inherent.
I was born with value.
I didn't have to do anything todeserve it.
I didn't have to prove it.
I didn't have to earn it.
My existence alone makes mevaluable.
That was revolutionary because Ihad spent decades believing I

(09:57):
had to earn my right to take upspace on this planet.
The second truth, my worthdoesn't waver.
It doesn't go up when I achievesomething, it doesn't go down
when I fail.
It doesn't increase when I'mproductive, it doesn't decrease
when I'm resting.
My value is constant,unchanging, unshakable.
Even if I feel worthless, myworth doesn't actually change.

(10:22):
It's always there, whether Iaccept it or not.
The third truth even though myworth is inherent and
unchanging, I still have toconsciously accept it.
This was huge because my worthexists when I believe it or not.
But if I don't accept it, Ican't access it.

(10:43):
It's like having a milliondollars in your bank account,
but living like you're brokebecause you don't believe the
money is really yours.
My worth was always there.
I've been living like my worth,I was worthless because I never
accepted that my value wasinherent.
And the fourth belief, thefourth truth, I get to choose
the value I assign to myself.

(11:04):
The world doesn't get to assignmy value.
My past doesn't get to assign myvalue.
My mistakes don't get to assignmy value.
My achievements don't get toassign my value.
I decide, I assess, I claim.
I have been letting everyone andeverything else tell me what I
was worth.
And I had been accepting anassessment that said, you are

(11:28):
valuable when you're useful,when you're needed, when you're
performing.
But that was never true.
I just believed it was.
And the fifth truth, my childrenare learning about self-worth by
watching me.
They're not learning it by whatI'm telling them.
They're learning it by what I amshowing them.

(11:49):
They're watching how I treatmyself.
They're watching how I speak tomyself.
They're watching what I accept.
They're watching what Itolerate.
They're watching what I believeabout my own worth and whatever
I am demonstrating right now,whether I realize it or not, is
a legacy I'm leaving behind.
That day became the turningpoint.

(12:10):
I started asking myself somedifferent questions.
Instead of how can I do more?
How can I be better?
How can I be more valuable?
I started asking, what would mylife look like if I actually
believed I was inherentlyvaluable?
And that question terrified mebecause it meant that everything

(12:31):
would have to change.
If I truly am inherentlyvaluable, I couldn't keep saying
yes to everything.
If I was truly inherentlyvaluable, I couldn't keep
apologizing for existing.
If I was truly inherentlyvaluable, I couldn't keep
finding my worth and beingneeded.
And if I was truly inherentlyvaluable, I would have to start

(12:56):
living like I mattered.
Not because of what I did, butbecause of who I was.
And that's when I began thejourney.
The journey from my worth beingdoing to accepting my worth as
just for being.
And here's something thatbeautiful that happened.
Something I truly neverexpected.

(13:18):
When I started valuing myself atthe highest level, when I
stopped trying to earn my worthand started accepting it as
already complete, somethingshifted.
Life changed.
Not because my circumstancesmagically improved, not because
people suddenly treated mebetter, but because I changed
the way that I interacted withmy life.

(13:39):
When I valued myself, I startedtreating myself at a higher
quality.
I started making decisions thathonored me.
I started setting boundariesthat protected me.
I started pursuing things thatfulfilled me.
And the outcome of those actionswas an improved life.
I became genuinely grateful.
Not the forced, I should begrateful kind of gratitude, but

(14:01):
a deep, overflowing, can'tcontain it kind of gratitude
that comes from finally seeingyour life clearly, from finally
seeing yourself clearly.
The world looked different.
It wasn't happening to meanymore.
It was happening for me.
And I was so valuable that everyday was another gift.

(14:23):
So let me bring this together.
And right now, in this moment,you get to choose.
You can keep operating from thebelief that you need to earn
your worth, that your value isconditional, that you should be

(14:45):
smaller, quieter, less visible,that love means sacrifice, not
inclusion.
And if you choose that path,that's the legacy you'll leave.
Your children will learn thatworth is earned, that women
should sacrifice themselves,that needs don't matter, that
exhaustion is virtue, thatinvisibility is love.

(15:10):
They will watch you disappearinto your roles.
They'll see you apologize fortaking up space.
They'll notice when you skipmeals so everyone else can eat
first.
They'll hear you say, I'm finewhen you're drowning.
And they will learn that is whatwomen do.
That is what love looks like.

(15:31):
That is what it means to begood.
Or you can choose a differentpath.
You can accept that you areinherently, unchangeably,
undeniably valuable.
You can step into that worth.
You can treat yourselfaccordingly.
You can make decisions thathonor you.
You can create a life thatenergizes you instead of drains

(15:54):
you.
You can show your children whata woman who knows her worth
looks like.
And if you choose that path,that's the legacy you will
leave.
Your children will learn thatworth is inherent, that women
should honor themselves, thatneeds matter immensely, that
rest is productive, thatboundaries are healthy, that

(16:16):
taking up space is powerful.
They will watch you includeyourself in your own life
equation.
They'll see you make decisionsthat honor your needs alongside
everyone else's.
They will notice when you say nowithout apologizing.
They'll hear you speak kindly toyourself, and they will learn

(16:37):
this is what women deserve.
This is what real love lookslike.
This is what it means to bewhole.
The choice is yours.
But here's what you need tounderstand.
Every single day you wait isanother day your children are
watching you operate fromworthlessness instead of worth.

(16:59):
Every family gathering where youexhaust yourself is another data
point in their understanding ofa woman's value.
Every time you apologize forexisting is another lesson in
self-erasure.
And every moment you delayclaiming your worth is another
moment the wrong legacy is beingwritten.

(17:20):
So here's what I want you to do.
Not tomorrow, not next week, notwhen things calm down, right
now.
I want you to ask yourself thisquestion.
What would change if I actuallybelieved that I was inherently
valuable?
Not what I have to do to becomevaluable, but what would change
if I already am valuable rightnow as I sit here?

(17:41):
How would you treat yourself?
How would you speak to yourself?
What decisions would you make?
What would you say yes to andwhat would you say no to?
What kind of energy would youhave with your family?
What legacy would you be leavingfor your children?
And then, here's the criticalpart: make one decision
differently today.

(18:02):
Just one.
One decision made from worthinstead of from worthlessness.
Maybe you ask someone else tohelp you with something instead
of doing it yourself.
Maybe you take a walk alonebecause you want to, not because
you should.
But maybe you say no to arequest without apologizing or
over-explaining.
Maybe you just sit down andactually enjoy time with your

(18:24):
family instead of hovering andserving.
Maybe you speak kindly toyourself when you make a mistake
instead of spiraling intoself-criticism.
Just one decision made from thetruth that you are inherently
valuable.
Because that's wheretransformation starts.
Not with a massive overhaul, butwith one decision and then

(18:44):
another and then another.
Small decisions madeconsistently from worth instead
of from worthlessness.
That's what changes your life,and that's what changes your
legacy.
Because here's what I need youto hear.
The fact that you were listeningto this right now tells me that
you are ready.
You are ready to stop running onthe equation that's been
exhausting you.
You're ready to excavateyourself from the beliefs that

(19:08):
buried you.
You are ready to claim yourworth.
You are ready to leave adifferent legacy.
So don't wait.
Don't tell yourself, I'll startwhen things calm down or I'll
work on this when I have moretime.
Your children are watching now.
The legacy is being written now.
You get to decide right now whatthat legacy will be.

(19:28):
Will it be a legacy of women whobelieved that she had to earn
her worth through endlessperformance?
Or will it be the legacy of awoman who knew her worth and
lived accordingly?
The choice is yours, but youhave to make it today.
You are not invisible to me.
You are not too much or notenough.
You are valuable, you areworthy, you are enough, not

(19:52):
because of what you do, butbecause of you, who you are.
And once you accept that,everything changes.
Your life changes, yourrelationships change, your
energy changes, and mostimportantly, your legacy
changes.
If this episode resonates withyou, I would love to continue

(20:12):
serving you.
Please subscribe to this podcastso you don't miss an episode.
Every week we're excavatinglimiting beliefs, redesigning
our lives from worth, andcreating the legacy we actually
want to lead.
And if you know another womanwho needs to hear this message,
another mom who feels invisible,another woman who's questioning
her worth, another person whobelieves they need to earn their

(20:33):
value, please share this episodewith them.
Because the more women who stepinto their worth, the more
children who grow up with adifferent blueprint for what
worth looks like.
And that changes everything.
So until next time, remember youare not just everything's
everyone.
You are someone, someone trulyinherently worthy.