June 2, 2025 • 20 mins
Have you ever hidden a self-help book? Closed a browser tab when someone walked by? Downplayed that you’re seeing a therapist or coach?
You’re not alone. That moment of shame isn’t just yours—it’s part of a deeply rooted belief many women carry: If I need help, it means I’m weak or broken. But what if that belief is the very thing keeping you stuck, disconnected, and exhausted?
In this powerful episode of the Your Utmost Life podcast, we explore the hidden cost of this belief—and the path to reclaiming your strength through authentic connection and support.
Inside, you’ll learn:
- Why capable women feel ashamed of seeking support
- How the belief that “I should handle it on my own” fuels isolation, performance, and burnout
- How cultural praise for self-sufficiency created the Identity Eraser Effect—and why it’s time to undo it
- The 3 mindset shifts that change everything:
- Awareness without judgment
- Reframing help as a strategic investment
- Practicing presence over performance
- What it looks like to go from Invisible Mama to Utmost Woman—without walking away from the life you’ve built
You’ll also hear a raw personal story about hiding a book on body dysmorphia and the wave of shame that followed—plus practical steps to build what I call your Growth Résumé and begin seeing support as a sacred strength.
You're not a broken vase needing fixing.
You’re a vessel—designed to both give and receive.
Strength isn’t silence. Healing doesn’t happen in hiding.
Take one small, brave step today—journal about the belief, share this episode, or finally explore that resource you've felt drawn to but hesitant to pursue.
This is your invitation to step out of isolation, into growth, and begin designing a life with truth, intention, and connection at its center.
📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.
🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.
✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I thought that asking for help wasn't a sign of
strength but a huge weakness tobe ashamed of.
I remember standing in theself-help section of the
bookstore.
My heart was racing and I had abook on body dysmorphia tucked
tightly under my arm.
And I was just about to head tothe checkout when I noticed
someone walking toward me andwithout even thinking I panicked
and I slid the book into anearby shelf, like I was hiding
(00:22):
something shameful.
Then I pretended to browse thecookbooks, like that was my real
reason for being in the store.
Once I got back into my car, Isat there quietly.
That familiar wave of shame hitme hard.
Why did I do that?
Why did I feel like I had tohide the fact that I wanted help
, like it was some kind of dirtysecret?
Perhaps you felt it too.
That moment of hesitationbefore mentioning you're seeing
(00:44):
a therapist, the tab you quicklyclose when someone walks into
your office, or the way youvaguely describe that personal
development workshop as just aconference for work.
These are not just yourstruggles.
They are shared by many.
The little white lies we tellto hide the fact that we are
seeking help, guidance orsupport.
Motherhood is a gift, but let'sbe honest, it can also leave you
(01:07):
feeling overwhelmed, invisibleand disconnected from the woman
you once were.
If you ever wondered, who am Ibeyond being a mom, know this
you are not alone.
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
I'm Misty, a mom just like you,who has faced chaos, self-doubt
and the loss of identity,hitting rock bottom and emerging
stronger, with clarity,confidence and purpose.
(01:28):
Each week, we will explorepractical tools and
transformative truths to helpyou reclaim your identity,
rebuild your confidence andrediscover the joy that lights
you up.
On this journey.
Together, you'll break freefrom overwhelm, embrace your
worth and step fully into themost authentic version of
yourself.
Through heartfelt conversationsand actionable strategies, you
(01:48):
will learn how to design a lifethat excites and fulfills you, a
life where you become the womanyou were always meant to be,
because you're not just a mom.
You are so much more, and ifyou're ready to embrace her,
let's get started.
Today, I want to talk about abelief that might be living
beneath the surface of your life, one that whispers if you need
self-help, it means you'rebroken or weak.
(02:09):
This is a belief that we've allencountered at some point.
It's a belief that keeps somany brilliant, capable women
isolated in their struggles,convinced that needing support
somehow diminishes theirstrength or reveals some
fundamental flaw in who they are.
This episode isn't aboutpushing a solution or forcing a
mindset shift.
(02:29):
It's about an invitation topause with me and explore this
terrain together to shine agentle light on a belief that
might be creating unnecessaryshame in your life.
I hope that by the end of ourtime together, you'll feel a
sense of relief, clarity andperhaps permission to honor your
growth journey without theweight of judgment.
I'll also share some strategiesthat have helped me and others
(02:51):
challenge this belief andembrace the support we need.
Let me paint a picture of whatthis belief might look like in
your daily life.
You are the woman who has it alltogether, at least that's what
everyone thinks.
You manage your home, career,children or aging parents.
You show up, things get doneand you keep all the plates
spinning.
But there's this inner worldthat few people see, a world of
(03:11):
doubt, fear and uncertainty thatI've navigated through just
like you.
Maybe you've found yourselfsitting in your car in the
grocery store parking lot,taking just five extra minutes
of solitude before heading home,thinking why can't I just get
it together?
Like everyone else, you lookaround at other women who seem
to navigate life with such ease,and you wonder what secret
manual they received thatsomehow never made it to your
(03:33):
mailbox.
You've thought about reachingout, maybe to a therapist, a
coach, or even just picking up abook that addresses what you're
feeling, but somehow somethingstops you.
That something is often thevoice that says I should be able
to figure this out on my own.
Everyone else does.
You might find yourselfwhispering these thoughts in
private moments.
Things like get it together,don't be so dramatic.
You're too sensitive.
(03:54):
Everyone else handles more thanyou without complaining.
You should be past this by now.
The weight of these thoughtsisn't just emotional.
It shows up in your daily lifein ways you might not even
recognize.
In your marriage orrelationships, you might avoid
vulnerability or ask for supportbecause deep down, you fear
being seen as a burden.
When parenting challenges arise, you push through instead of
(04:14):
seeking resources or community,feeling pressure to model
unwavering strength and hidingyour stress.
In your career, you might beoverworking to prove your worth
and reluctant to invest indevelopment opportunities
because that would meanadmitting there's room for
growth.
Your health, especially youremotional health, often takes a
backseat until physical symptomsforce your attention.
This belief creates a particularkind of isolation.
(04:37):
You maintain surface levelrelationships, careful not to
reveal the struggles beneathyour competent exterior.
You've forgotten what bringsyou joy, because there's no
space for it amidst the provingand performing.
If we were to film your dailylife, what would we see?
Perhaps we'd catch you smilingin public but crying privately
in your car, saying I'm finewhen feeling numb or exhausted,
(04:58):
over-functioning and avoidingrest, tensing when someone
offers help, quickly closingself-help books or browser tabs
when someone enters the room.
We might see you makingself-deprecating jokes to beat
others to the punch, orscrolling through infancy,
looking through social media,comparing your messy reality to
others, curated personas.
We might notice how you avoideye contact when conversations
(05:19):
turn to personal challenges orchange the subject when therapy
or personal development ismentioned.
I understand this realitybecause I lived it too that
quiet belief that needing helpmeans something is wrong with
you.
It runs deep and it doesn'tjust show up out of nowhere.
We've been steeped in itthrough a culture that praises
the women, who has it alltogether, who never complains,
who pushes through withoutmeeting anything or anyone.
(05:41):
Maybe it came from well-meaningvoices in your childhood or
your faith community, ones thatpraised you for being so
responsible, so easy, so strong.
Over time it started to soundlike the more capable I am, the
more lovable I am.
The less I need, the moreworthy I become.
No one meant harm, butsomewhere along the way silence
became strength and asking forhelp felt like failure.
(06:02):
This belief persists becausewe're comparing our internal
struggles to others' externalexperiences.
It thrives in environmentswhere we lack visible role
models who openly discuss theirgrowth journeys.
And perhaps the most paralyzingis the paradox at its center.
We need to acknowledge aproblem, to address it, but this
belief frames that veryacknowledgement as failure.
(06:22):
The emotional toll is realShame, inadequacy, isolation,
imposter syndrome, anxiety and asense of fundamental
defectiveness.
These aren't small feelings.
They're exhausting companionson your journey.
Now I want to pause here andacknowledge something important.
If you recognize yourself inwhat I'm describing, it doesn't
(06:43):
mean there's something wrongwith you.
In fact, it means you're partof a vast, unspoken sisterhood
of women navigating the sameterrain.
You are not alone in this.
The fact that you are herelistening means there is a part
of you reaching toward adifferent way of being, and that
reaching is incredibly brave.
You are not defective, you areworthy.
So where do we go from here?
How do we begin to loosen thegrip of a belief that has become
(07:06):
so intertwined with ouridentity and daily experience?
I want to offer you threetangible shifts that have been
transformative in my own journey.
The first step towardtransformation is simply
bringing awareness to thisbelief and recognizing you are
not alone in it.
This isn't about forcingyourself to immediately reject
the belief.
That approach often createsmore resistance.
(07:27):
Instead, it's about gentlynoticing when this belief is
operating in your life.
The moment you begin torecognize that asking for help
is a sign of strength, notweakness, you create space
between yourself and the shamethat's keeping you isolated.
I invite you to try thispractice For the next week.
Carry a small notebook or usethe notes app on your phone.
(07:47):
When you notice thoughts like Ishould be able to handle this
alone, or behaviors like hidingyour growth resources, simply
note it.
No judgment, just awareness.
You might write feltembarrassed when asked what I
was reading self-helpimprovement book or declined to
help with project, even thoughI'm overwhelmed.
This simple practice ofnoticing creates a tiny bit of
space between you and the belief.
(08:09):
It helps you see that thesethoughts and behaviors aren't
random.
They're connected to a specificnarrative, but they're not
random.
You've inherited or developedover time and as you collect
these observations you begin torecognize patterns.
You might notice certaintriggers or situations where
this belief speaks loudest.
It might be around certainpeople or in specific domains of
your life.
(08:29):
This awareness doesn'timmediately change the belief,
but it does something powerfulit transforms unconscious
patterns into conscious choices.
There's another layer to thisfirst shift that we can't ignore
, and that is recognizing thatyou are not the only one.
This belief that needing helpmeans something is wrong with
(08:49):
you.
It feeds off isolation.
It convinces you that everyoneelse is managing just fine, the
other women are stronger, moreput together, more naturally
capable, and that you're theonly one quietly unraveling.
But here's the truth You're notthe outlier, you're just one of
the few brave enough to namewhat's really going on.
And the moment that you beginto challenge that lie that
(09:11):
everyone else has it togetherbut me, you crack open space for
truth to enter.
You begin the shift frominvisible mama, who hides her
needs to keep up appearances, tothe utmost woman who honors her
humanity and dares to connect,even in the mess, because
strength isn't silence andhealing doesn't happen in hiding
.
It happens when you realizeyou're not alone and you never
(09:32):
were.
I encourage you to become agentle observer of the world
around you.
Notice how many podcasts, booksand resources exist for
personal growth.
These wouldn't exist withoutmillions of people seeking them.
Pay attention when someone yourespect mentions therapy,
coaching or a helpful book.
These small observations beginto counter the narrative that
strong, capable people don'tseek support If it feels safe.
(09:55):
Try opening up just a little.
You don't have to unload yourentire story or share your
deepest struggles, but maybe youcasually mention a podcast
that's been speaking to you or abook that's been helping you
rethink a few things.
These little moments oftruth-telling can feel like
oxygen, and often they createspace for other women to exhale
also.
You'll be surprised how manyare quietly navigating the same
(10:17):
identity cracks, just waitingfor someone else to say me too.
This is one way we begin toundo the identity eraser effect,
those quiet, unnoticed wayswe've hiding who we are, what we
need in order to appear strong,capable and low maintenance.
But hiding isn't strength, it'ssurvival, and you were made for
so much more than justsurviving.
(10:38):
So what if seeking help isn'tweakness at all?
What if it's a bold act ofreclaiming?
What if it's the first step inbecoming the utmost woman, the
version of you who knows herworth, lives with intention and
no longer seeks support assomething to be ashamed of, but
as a wise and powerfulinvestment in her future.
(10:58):
Because that's exactly what itis, and she's already in you,
just waiting for the space torise.
And here's the real shift.
What if asking for help wasn'ta sign that you're weak or
broken, but a wise, intentionalinvestment into the life that
you actually want?
In fact, asking for help is asign of strength.
It demonstrates self-awareness,wisdom and courage.
(11:20):
What if it's not about fixingyourself, but choosing to care
for yourself like someone whomatters?
Because you do matter, andlearning to receive support
might just be one of thestrongest things you can do.
Think about it this way.
In what other area of lifewould we consider it a weakness
to learn, grow or seek expertise?
If you wanted to advance inyour career, you wouldn't
(11:40):
hesitate to take a course orfind a mentor.
Working with a trainer ornutritionist is perfectly
reasonable if you want toimprove your physical health.
Yet somehow, when it comes toour emotional health,
relationships or personaldevelopment, we've accepted the
strange idea that seekingguidance reflects poorly on us.
I invite you to try thisreframing exercise.
List three areas where youcurrently face challenges or
(12:03):
would like to grow and for eacharea, ask yourself if this were
a professional skill or physicalability, what would strategic
investment look like Then?
Apply the same thinking to yourpersonal growth.
Let's say you're navigatinganxiety.
Instead of thinking, why can'tI just get it together?
Or I should be able to managemy emotions by now, try shifting
the script.
(12:23):
I'm learning how to regulate myemotions with the support of
someone trained to help me dothat.
Well, see the difference.
It's subtle but powerful.
You're not surrendering yourstrength, you're redirecting it.
This is the shift from shame tostrategy, from thinking I
should be able to do this aloneto I am choosing support because
I value my growth.
It's not about proving yourworth.
(12:45):
It's about honoring it.
It's not that you're asking forhelp because you're weak.
You're seeking it becauseyou're wise, because you're done
with the exhausting hustle ofholding it all together and
ready to build from a strongerfoundation.
Here's one simple way to embodythat shift Create what I call a
growth resume.
Unlike traditional resumes thatlist achievements, your growth
(13:05):
resume tells the story of whoyou're becoming.
Each entry on your growthresume is evidence that asking
for help is a sign of strength.
It documents the courage ittook to reach out, to be
vulnerable, and the growth thathas resulted.
List the books you've read thatopen your eyes, the podcasts
that helped you feel less alone,the brave conversations where
you asked for help, or themoments you paused and chose
(13:27):
growth over guilt.
It is a reminder that everystep, no matter how small, is
part of your transformation.
You're not behind.
You're becoming.
And this, this is exactly whata woman living her utmost life
does.
She doesn't pretend she has itall figured out.
She designs her life withtruthful, step-by-step intention
.
This document shows thatseeking support has been
(13:47):
valuable in your life.
It becomes a resource you canreturn to when that old belief
tries to reassert itself.
The final shift I want to offertoday moves from performing
strength to practicing presence.
At its core, the belief thatneeding help means you're broken
keeps you in a constant stateof performance, trying to
maintain an image of capability,while hiding an evidence to the
(14:08):
contrary.
When we truly understand thatasking for help is a sign of
strength, we can stop performingcapability and start practicing
authentic presence.
This performance is exhausting.
It disconnects you fromyourself and from others.
It prevents the very connectionand support that helps you
thrive.
The alternative is practicingpresence, being honest about
(14:29):
where you are, what you need andwhat you're experiencing.
This doesn't mean oversharingor drama dumping on everyone
that you meet.
It means developing a healthyrelationship with your humanity
and allowing yourself to be seenappropriately, authentically by
others.
Here is a simple practice tobegin this shift Set a timer for
three minutes each morning.
During that time, check in withyourself without judgment.
(14:53):
Ask how am I really doing today?
What do I need?
Write down your answers withcompassion as if you were
writing to a dear friend.
This practice builds yourcapacity to be present with
yourself first, which isessential before you can
authentically share yourselfwith others.
It helps you develop avocabulary for your experiences
and needs, something many of usweren't taught growing up.
From this place ofself-awareness and presence, you
can start to experiment withsmall, honest moments of sharing
(15:16):
.
It doesn't have to be a bigemotional reveal.
Sometimes it's just choosingnot to say I'm fine when you're
clearly not.
Maybe it's telling your spousetoday was hard and I just need a
moment to breathe, or admittingto a close friend Parenting has
been really heavy lately.
Can I run something by you,these small, brave acts of
(15:38):
honesty.
They create cracks in theisolation and let connection
flow in.
You don't need to have theperfect words or polished story.
You just need a moment of truth.
That's how we start reclaimingthe parts of ourselves we've
tucked away to keep the peace orplay the part.
Let me give you an image to holdon to, especially in the
moments when those old beliefswhisper.
You should be able to do thison your own.
You're not a broken vase thatneeds fixing.
You're a vessel created onpurpose for purpose, designed
(16:01):
not just to give endlessly butto receive deeply.
You were never meant to run onempty.
The utmost woman doesn't becomewho she is by pushing through
alone.
She becomes her by learning howto receive support, truth,
grace, wisdom.
She lets herself be poured intoso she can pour out from a
place of strength and alignment,not depletion.
So the next time you feelyourself slipping into old
(16:23):
patterns, the over-functioning,the guilt, the silence, I want
you to pause and I want you topicture this you standing tall
and open, allowing yourself toreceive, not because you're
failing, but because you arebecoming.
This is what the shift frominvisible mama to utmost woman
looks like in real life.
It's not loud, it's not perfect, but it's real and it is
(16:43):
powerful.
As we begin to wrap up our timetogether, I am offering some
gentle permission for what'spossible when we release this
belief that seeking help meanswe're broken or weak.
Imagine for a moment what yourlife might look like if seeking
support felt as natural asbreathing neither shameful nor
remarkable just part of beinghuman.
Picture the emotional safetyyou might feel, no longer hiding
(17:06):
behind parts of yourself oryour journey.
Consider the deeper connectionsthat might form when you allow
yourself to be authenticallyseen.
This shift isn't about becomingsomeone new.
It's about returning to whoyou've always been, beneath the
layers of performance andprotection.
It's about reclaiming thewisdom that has always lived
within you the knowing thatinterdependence isn't weakness,
(17:27):
it's the most natural state ofbeing.
When this belief begins toloosen its grip, many women
discover a surprising paradoxthey actually become more
resilient, not less, by allowingthemselves to receive support.
Their internal resources expand.
They develop a toolkit ofpersonalized strategies for
life's challenges.
They experience more energybecause they're no longer
exhausting themselves with thework of hiding and proving In
(17:50):
relationships.
This shift creates space fordeeper intimacy and honesty In
parenting.
It allows you to model healthyvulnerability and emotional
intelligence for your children,perhaps breaking
intergenerational patterns.
It might mean being willing todelegate, seek coaching or
release over identification withachievement in your career.
Your health, both physical andemotional, often improves as you
(18:12):
address needs earlier, ratherthan waiting for a crisis.
Your sense of spiritualconnection may deepen as you
release the need to appearperfect and embrace your full
humanity.
I want to invite you into amoment of stillness, envisioning
.
Take a deep breath with me Now.
To invite you into a moment ofstillness, envisioning.
Take a deep breath with me Now.
Imagine yourself six months fromnow having taken small,
consistent steps towardembracing support as strength.
(18:33):
What feels different in yourbody?
What new possibilities are opento you?
What relationships havedeepened?
Let yourself fully inhabit thisvision for a moment.
This future isn't a fantasy.
It's available to you throughsmall, courageous choices made
day by day.
Each time you notice the oldbelief and choose a different
response, you create neuralpathways toward this new reality
(18:56):
.
Each time you allow yourself toreceive support, you're
practicing a new way of being inthe world.
Remember, this journey isn'tabout fixing something broken in
you.
It's about returning to a morenatural, connected way of being
human, one that cultures ofindividualism and perfectionism
have taught us to forget.
As we close our time together, Iwant to leave you with this
(19:17):
thought Perhaps the mostsignificant strength isn't found
in isolated self-sufficiency,but in the courage to be seen,
to reach out and to receive.
Asking for help is a sign ofstrength, perhaps the most
profound strength there is.
It's not about having all theanswers yourself, but about
knowing how to gather the wisdomand support you need for each
season of your journey.
(19:37):
If today's conversation hasstirred something in you, I
invite you to take one smallstep.
It might be journaling aboutwhere this belief came from in
your life.
It might be sharing thisepisode with someone who would
benefit from this conversation,or it might be allowing yourself
to explore a resource you'vebeen drawn to, but hesitate to
pursue.
Whatever that step is, knowthat you are not walking it
alone.
(19:57):
There's a community of womenright alongside you, learning to
embrace support, not as a signof weakness, but as an act of
profound self-honor.
So until next time, please movethrough your week with
gentleness toward yourself andmore openness to the support
that surrounds you.
You are worthy of growth,worthy of healing and worthy of
help, not because you're broken,but because you're brilliantly
(20:18):
beautiful human.
I thought that asking for help wasn't a sign of
strength but a huge weakness tobe ashamed of.
I remember standing in theself-help section of the
bookstore.
My heart was racing and I had abook on body dysmorphia tucked
tightly under my arm.
And I was just about to head tothe checkout when I noticed
someone walking toward me andwithout even thinking I panicked
and I slid the book into anearby shelf, like I was hiding
(00:22):
something shameful.
Then I pretended to browse thecookbooks, like that was my real
reason for being in the store.
Once I got back into my car, Isat there quietly.
That familiar wave of shame hitme hard.
Why did I do that?
Why did I feel like I had tohide the fact that I wanted help
, like it was some kind of dirtysecret?
Perhaps you felt it too.
That moment of hesitationbefore mentioning you're seeing
(00:44):
a therapist, the tab you quicklyclose when someone walks into
your office, or the way youvaguely describe that personal
development workshop as just aconference for work.
These are not just yourstruggles.
They are shared by many.
The little white lies we tellto hide the fact that we are
seeking help, guidance orsupport.
Motherhood is a gift, but let'sbe honest, it can also leave you
(01:07):
feeling overwhelmed, invisibleand disconnected from the woman
you once were.
If you ever wondered, who am Ibeyond being a mom, know this
you are not alone.
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
I'm Misty, a mom just like you,who has faced chaos, self-doubt
and the loss of identity,hitting rock bottom and emerging
stronger, with clarity,confidence and purpose.
(01:28):
Each week, we will explorepractical tools and
transformative truths to helpyou reclaim your identity,
rebuild your confidence andrediscover the joy that lights
you up.
On this journey.
Together, you'll break freefrom overwhelm, embrace your
worth and step fully into themost authentic version of
yourself.
Through heartfelt conversationsand actionable strategies, you
(01:48):
will learn how to design a lifethat excites and fulfills you, a
life where you become the womanyou were always meant to be,
because you're not just a mom.
You are so much more, and ifyou're ready to embrace her,
let's get started.
Today, I want to talk about abelief that might be living
beneath the surface of your life, one that whispers if you need
self-help, it means you'rebroken or weak.
(02:09):
This is a belief that we've allencountered at some point.
It's a belief that keeps somany brilliant, capable women
isolated in their struggles,convinced that needing support
somehow diminishes theirstrength or reveals some
fundamental flaw in who they are.
This episode isn't aboutpushing a solution or forcing a
mindset shift.
(02:29):
It's about an invitation topause with me and explore this
terrain together to shine agentle light on a belief that
might be creating unnecessaryshame in your life.
I hope that by the end of ourtime together, you'll feel a
sense of relief, clarity andperhaps permission to honor your
growth journey without theweight of judgment.
I'll also share some strategiesthat have helped me and others
(02:51):
challenge this belief andembrace the support we need.
Let me paint a picture of whatthis belief might look like in
your daily life.
You are the woman who has it alltogether, at least that's what
everyone thinks.
You manage your home, career,children or aging parents.
You show up, things get doneand you keep all the plates
spinning.
But there's this inner worldthat few people see, a world of
(03:11):
doubt, fear and uncertainty thatI've navigated through just
like you.
Maybe you've found yourselfsitting in your car in the
grocery store parking lot,taking just five extra minutes
of solitude before heading home,thinking why can't I just get
it together?
Like everyone else, you lookaround at other women who seem
to navigate life with such ease,and you wonder what secret
manual they received thatsomehow never made it to your
(03:33):
mailbox.
You've thought about reachingout, maybe to a therapist, a
coach, or even just picking up abook that addresses what you're
feeling, but somehow somethingstops you.
That something is often thevoice that says I should be able
to figure this out on my own.
Everyone else does.
You might find yourselfwhispering these thoughts in
private moments.
Things like get it together,don't be so dramatic.
You're too sensitive.
(03:54):
Everyone else handles more thanyou without complaining.
You should be past this by now.
The weight of these thoughtsisn't just emotional.
It shows up in your daily lifein ways you might not even
recognize.
In your marriage orrelationships, you might avoid
vulnerability or ask for supportbecause deep down, you fear
being seen as a burden.
When parenting challenges arise, you push through instead of
(04:14):
seeking resources or community,feeling pressure to model
unwavering strength and hidingyour stress.
In your career, you might beoverworking to prove your worth
and reluctant to invest indevelopment opportunities
because that would meanadmitting there's room for
growth.
Your health, especially youremotional health, often takes a
backseat until physical symptomsforce your attention.
This belief creates a particularkind of isolation.
(04:37):
You maintain surface levelrelationships, careful not to
reveal the struggles beneathyour competent exterior.
You've forgotten what bringsyou joy, because there's no
space for it amidst the provingand performing.
If we were to film your dailylife, what would we see?
Perhaps we'd catch you smilingin public but crying privately
in your car, saying I'm finewhen feeling numb or exhausted,
(04:58):
over-functioning and avoidingrest, tensing when someone
offers help, quickly closingself-help books or browser tabs
when someone enters the room.
We might see you makingself-deprecating jokes to beat
others to the punch, orscrolling through infancy,
looking through social media,comparing your messy reality to
others, curated personas.
We might notice how you avoideye contact when conversations
(05:19):
turn to personal challenges orchange the subject when therapy
or personal development ismentioned.
I understand this realitybecause I lived it too that
quiet belief that needing helpmeans something is wrong with
you.
It runs deep and it doesn'tjust show up out of nowhere.
We've been steeped in itthrough a culture that praises
the women, who has it alltogether, who never complains,
who pushes through withoutmeeting anything or anyone.
(05:41):
Maybe it came from well-meaningvoices in your childhood or
your faith community, ones thatpraised you for being so
responsible, so easy, so strong.
Over time it started to soundlike the more capable I am, the
more lovable I am.
The less I need, the moreworthy I become.
No one meant harm, butsomewhere along the way silence
became strength and asking forhelp felt like failure.
(06:02):
This belief persists becausewe're comparing our internal
struggles to others' externalexperiences.
It thrives in environmentswhere we lack visible role
models who openly discuss theirgrowth journeys.
And perhaps the most paralyzingis the paradox at its center.
We need to acknowledge aproblem, to address it, but this
belief frames that veryacknowledgement as failure.
(06:22):
The emotional toll is realShame, inadequacy, isolation,
imposter syndrome, anxiety and asense of fundamental
defectiveness.
These aren't small feelings.
They're exhausting companionson your journey.
Now I want to pause here andacknowledge something important.
If you recognize yourself inwhat I'm describing, it doesn't
(06:43):
mean there's something wrongwith you.
In fact, it means you're partof a vast, unspoken sisterhood
of women navigating the sameterrain.
You are not alone in this.
The fact that you are herelistening means there is a part
of you reaching toward adifferent way of being, and that
reaching is incredibly brave.
You are not defective, you areworthy.
So where do we go from here?
How do we begin to loosen thegrip of a belief that has become
(07:06):
so intertwined with ouridentity and daily experience?
I want to offer you threetangible shifts that have been
transformative in my own journey.
The first step towardtransformation is simply
bringing awareness to thisbelief and recognizing you are
not alone in it.
This isn't about forcingyourself to immediately reject
the belief.
That approach often createsmore resistance.
(07:27):
Instead, it's about gentlynoticing when this belief is
operating in your life.
The moment you begin torecognize that asking for help
is a sign of strength, notweakness, you create space
between yourself and the shamethat's keeping you isolated.
I invite you to try thispractice For the next week.
Carry a small notebook or usethe notes app on your phone.
(07:47):
When you notice thoughts like Ishould be able to handle this
alone, or behaviors like hidingyour growth resources, simply
note it.
No judgment, just awareness.
You might write feltembarrassed when asked what I
was reading self-helpimprovement book or declined to
help with project, even thoughI'm overwhelmed.
This simple practice ofnoticing creates a tiny bit of
space between you and the belief.
(08:09):
It helps you see that thesethoughts and behaviors aren't
random.
They're connected to a specificnarrative, but they're not
random.
You've inherited or developedover time and as you collect
these observations you begin torecognize patterns.
You might notice certaintriggers or situations where
this belief speaks loudest.
It might be around certainpeople or in specific domains of
your life.
(08:29):
This awareness doesn'timmediately change the belief,
but it does something powerfulit transforms unconscious
patterns into conscious choices.
There's another layer to thisfirst shift that we can't ignore
, and that is recognizing thatyou are not the only one.
This belief that needing helpmeans something is wrong with
(08:49):
you.
It feeds off isolation.
It convinces you that everyoneelse is managing just fine, the
other women are stronger, moreput together, more naturally
capable, and that you're theonly one quietly unraveling.
But here's the truth You're notthe outlier, you're just one of
the few brave enough to namewhat's really going on.
And the moment that you beginto challenge that lie that
(09:11):
everyone else has it togetherbut me, you crack open space for
truth to enter.
You begin the shift frominvisible mama, who hides her
needs to keep up appearances, tothe utmost woman who honors her
humanity and dares to connect,even in the mess, because
strength isn't silence andhealing doesn't happen in hiding
.
It happens when you realizeyou're not alone and you never
(09:32):
were.
I encourage you to become agentle observer of the world
around you.
Notice how many podcasts, booksand resources exist for
personal growth.
These wouldn't exist withoutmillions of people seeking them.
Pay attention when someone yourespect mentions therapy,
coaching or a helpful book.
These small observations beginto counter the narrative that
strong, capable people don'tseek support If it feels safe.
(09:55):
Try opening up just a little.
You don't have to unload yourentire story or share your
deepest struggles, but maybe youcasually mention a podcast
that's been speaking to you or abook that's been helping you
rethink a few things.
These little moments oftruth-telling can feel like
oxygen, and often they createspace for other women to exhale
also.
You'll be surprised how manyare quietly navigating the same
(10:17):
identity cracks, just waitingfor someone else to say me too.
This is one way we begin toundo the identity eraser effect,
those quiet, unnoticed wayswe've hiding who we are, what we
need in order to appear strong,capable and low maintenance.
But hiding isn't strength, it'ssurvival, and you were made for
so much more than justsurviving.
(10:38):
So what if seeking help isn'tweakness at all?
What if it's a bold act ofreclaiming?
What if it's the first step inbecoming the utmost woman, the
version of you who knows herworth, lives with intention and
no longer seeks support assomething to be ashamed of, but
as a wise and powerfulinvestment in her future.
(10:58):
Because that's exactly what itis, and she's already in you,
just waiting for the space torise.
And here's the real shift.
What if asking for help wasn'ta sign that you're weak or
broken, but a wise, intentionalinvestment into the life that
you actually want?
In fact, asking for help is asign of strength.
It demonstrates self-awareness,wisdom and courage.
(11:20):
What if it's not about fixingyourself, but choosing to care
for yourself like someone whomatters?
Because you do matter, andlearning to receive support
might just be one of thestrongest things you can do.
Think about it this way.
In what other area of lifewould we consider it a weakness
to learn, grow or seek expertise?
If you wanted to advance inyour career, you wouldn't
(11:40):
hesitate to take a course orfind a mentor.
Working with a trainer ornutritionist is perfectly
reasonable if you want toimprove your physical health.
Yet somehow, when it comes toour emotional health,
relationships or personaldevelopment, we've accepted the
strange idea that seekingguidance reflects poorly on us.
I invite you to try thisreframing exercise.
List three areas where youcurrently face challenges or
(12:03):
would like to grow and for eacharea, ask yourself if this were
a professional skill or physicalability, what would strategic
investment look like Then?
Apply the same thinking to yourpersonal growth.
Let's say you're navigatinganxiety.
Instead of thinking, why can'tI just get it together?
Or I should be able to managemy emotions by now, try shifting
the script.
(12:23):
I'm learning how to regulate myemotions with the support of
someone trained to help me dothat.
Well, see the difference.
It's subtle but powerful.
You're not surrendering yourstrength, you're redirecting it.
This is the shift from shame tostrategy, from thinking I
should be able to do this aloneto I am choosing support because
I value my growth.
It's not about proving yourworth.
(12:45):
It's about honoring it.
It's not that you're asking forhelp because you're weak.
You're seeking it becauseyou're wise, because you're done
with the exhausting hustle ofholding it all together and
ready to build from a strongerfoundation.
Here's one simple way to embodythat shift Create what I call a
growth resume.
Unlike traditional resumes thatlist achievements, your growth
(13:05):
resume tells the story of whoyou're becoming.
Each entry on your growthresume is evidence that asking
for help is a sign of strength.
It documents the courage ittook to reach out, to be
vulnerable, and the growth thathas resulted.
List the books you've read thatopen your eyes, the podcasts
that helped you feel less alone,the brave conversations where
you asked for help, or themoments you paused and chose
(13:27):
growth over guilt.
It is a reminder that everystep, no matter how small, is
part of your transformation.
You're not behind.
You're becoming.
And this, this is exactly whata woman living her utmost life
does.
She doesn't pretend she has itall figured out.
She designs her life withtruthful, step-by-step intention
.
This document shows thatseeking support has been
(13:47):
valuable in your life.
It becomes a resource you canreturn to when that old belief
tries to reassert itself.
The final shift I want to offertoday moves from performing
strength to practicing presence.
At its core, the belief thatneeding help means you're broken
keeps you in a constant stateof performance, trying to
maintain an image of capability,while hiding an evidence to the
(14:08):
contrary.
When we truly understand thatasking for help is a sign of
strength, we can stop performingcapability and start practicing
authentic presence.
This performance is exhausting.
It disconnects you fromyourself and from others.
It prevents the very connectionand support that helps you
thrive.
The alternative is practicingpresence, being honest about
(14:29):
where you are, what you need andwhat you're experiencing.
This doesn't mean oversharingor drama dumping on everyone
that you meet.
It means developing a healthyrelationship with your humanity
and allowing yourself to be seenappropriately, authentically by
others.
Here is a simple practice tobegin this shift Set a timer for
three minutes each morning.
During that time, check in withyourself without judgment.
(14:53):
Ask how am I really doing today?
What do I need?
Write down your answers withcompassion as if you were
writing to a dear friend.
This practice builds yourcapacity to be present with
yourself first, which isessential before you can
authentically share yourselfwith others.
It helps you develop avocabulary for your experiences
and needs, something many of usweren't taught growing up.
From this place ofself-awareness and presence, you
can start to experiment withsmall, honest moments of sharing
(15:16):
.
It doesn't have to be a bigemotional reveal.
Sometimes it's just choosingnot to say I'm fine when you're
clearly not.
Maybe it's telling your spousetoday was hard and I just need a
moment to breathe, or admittingto a close friend Parenting has
been really heavy lately.
Can I run something by you,these small, brave acts of
(15:38):
honesty.
They create cracks in theisolation and let connection
flow in.
You don't need to have theperfect words or polished story.
You just need a moment of truth.
That's how we start reclaimingthe parts of ourselves we've
tucked away to keep the peace orplay the part.
Let me give you an image to holdon to, especially in the
moments when those old beliefswhisper.
You should be able to do thison your own.
You're not a broken vase thatneeds fixing.
You're a vessel created onpurpose for purpose, designed
(16:01):
not just to give endlessly butto receive deeply.
You were never meant to run onempty.
The utmost woman doesn't becomewho she is by pushing through
alone.
She becomes her by learning howto receive support, truth,
grace, wisdom.
She lets herself be poured intoso she can pour out from a
place of strength and alignment,not depletion.
So the next time you feelyourself slipping into old
(16:23):
patterns, the over-functioning,the guilt, the silence, I want
you to pause and I want you topicture this you standing tall
and open, allowing yourself toreceive, not because you're
failing, but because you arebecoming.
This is what the shift frominvisible mama to utmost woman
looks like in real life.
It's not loud, it's not perfect, but it's real and it is
(16:43):
powerful.
As we begin to wrap up our timetogether, I am offering some
gentle permission for what'spossible when we release this
belief that seeking help meanswe're broken or weak.
Imagine for a moment what yourlife might look like if seeking
support felt as natural asbreathing neither shameful nor
remarkable just part of beinghuman.
Picture the emotional safetyyou might feel, no longer hiding
(17:06):
behind parts of yourself oryour journey.
Consider the deeper connectionsthat might form when you allow
yourself to be authenticallyseen.
This shift isn't about becomingsomeone new.
It's about returning to whoyou've always been, beneath the
layers of performance andprotection.
It's about reclaiming thewisdom that has always lived
within you the knowing thatinterdependence isn't weakness,
(17:27):
it's the most natural state ofbeing.
When this belief begins toloosen its grip, many women
discover a surprising paradoxthey actually become more
resilient, not less, by allowingthemselves to receive support.
Their internal resources expand.
They develop a toolkit ofpersonalized strategies for
life's challenges.
They experience more energybecause they're no longer
exhausting themselves with thework of hiding and proving In
(17:50):
relationships.
This shift creates space fordeeper intimacy and honesty In
parenting.
It allows you to model healthyvulnerability and emotional
intelligence for your children,perhaps breaking
intergenerational patterns.
It might mean being willing todelegate, seek coaching or
release over identification withachievement in your career.
Your health, both physical andemotional, often improves as you
(18:12):
address needs earlier, ratherthan waiting for a crisis.
Your sense of spiritualconnection may deepen as you
release the need to appearperfect and embrace your full
humanity.
I want to invite you into amoment of stillness, envisioning
.
Take a deep breath with me Now.
To invite you into a moment ofstillness, envisioning.
Take a deep breath with me Now.
Imagine yourself six months fromnow having taken small,
consistent steps towardembracing support as strength.
(18:33):
What feels different in yourbody?
What new possibilities are opento you?
What relationships havedeepened?
Let yourself fully inhabit thisvision for a moment.
This future isn't a fantasy.
It's available to you throughsmall, courageous choices made
day by day.
Each time you notice the oldbelief and choose a different
response, you create neuralpathways toward this new reality
(18:56):
.
Each time you allow yourself toreceive support, you're
practicing a new way of being inthe world.
Remember, this journey isn'tabout fixing something broken in
you.
It's about returning to a morenatural, connected way of being
human, one that cultures ofindividualism and perfectionism
have taught us to forget.
As we close our time together, Iwant to leave you with this
(19:17):
thought Perhaps the mostsignificant strength isn't found
in isolated self-sufficiency,but in the courage to be seen,
to reach out and to receive.
Asking for help is a sign ofstrength, perhaps the most
profound strength there is.
It's not about having all theanswers yourself, but about
knowing how to gather the wisdomand support you need for each
season of your journey.
(19:37):
If today's conversation hasstirred something in you, I
invite you to take one smallstep.
It might be journaling aboutwhere this belief came from in
your life.
It might be sharing thisepisode with someone who would
benefit from this conversation,or it might be allowing yourself
to explore a resource you'vebeen drawn to, but hesitate to
pursue.
Whatever that step is, knowthat you are not walking it
alone.
(19:57):
There's a community of womenright alongside you, learning to
embrace support, not as a signof weakness, but as an act of
profound self-honor.
So until next time, please movethrough your week with
gentleness toward yourself andmore openness to the support
that surrounds you.
You are worthy of growth,worthy of healing and worthy of
help, not because you're broken,but because you're brilliantly
(20:18):
beautiful human.
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