May 12, 2025 • 15 mins
Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's story? That strange limbo where you've given so much of yourself away that you barely recognize what's left? You're not alone.
Somewhere along the way, many of us adopted the belief that clarity must come before action—that we need to have everything figured out before taking even the first step toward change. This seemingly logical approach is actually what keeps us trapped in confusion, endlessly searching for answers yet never moving forward.
The truth is revolutionary yet simple: clarity doesn't precede movement; movement creates clarity. Just like driving at night, your headlights only illuminate the next hundred feet, but that's enough to keep going. Each step reveals the next, and transformation happens not in the planning but in the doing.
Through the Your Utmost Life Method's three phases—Discovery, Design, and Do—we learn that becoming unstuck doesn't require a five-year plan or perfect understanding. It begins with awareness, not answers. It continues with gentle shifts in direction guided by our core values. And it flourishes when we finally give ourselves permission to take small, aligned actions without requiring complete certainty first.
Research shows that 70% of women spend an average of 2.5 years feeling stuck before making transformative changes. That's nearly a thousand days of waiting for permission to begin. What might happen if you stopped requiring yourself to have it all figured out and instead took one brave step today?
Download the free Your Utmost Alignment Check-In at https://yourutmostself.com/alignment-checkin/ and discover what small shift might create the momentum—and clarity—you've been waiting for. Your path forward isn't waiting for you to understand it fully. It's waiting for you to begin walking.
📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to know she’s not broken—just buried. Let her know she’s not alone.
🔗 Follow along on Instagram for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are.
✨ Continue your journey at Your Utmost Self - free resources, articles, and more.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Misty Celli (00:00):
You know something needs to change, but you don't
even know what page you're onanymore.
The life you've built starts tofeel unfamiliar, like you're
living in a story that used tobe yours but no longer fits.
And what if that sign you'vebeen waiting for isn't a
breakdown or a burning bush, butthe quiet restlessness you've
been carrying for weeks, haveyou been whispering to yourself?
I know something needs tochange, but I don't know what.
(00:22):
I don't know who I am.
You're at that invisiblecrossroads where you've given so
much of yourself away that youbarely recognize what's left.
This isn't just mom fatigue,it's not a midlife slump.
It's a waking up at 2 am withyour heart racing, wondering
where is everybody?
Are they safe?
Did they turn in that paper?
And as you lay there, your mindshifts to the day ahead, the
(00:44):
to-do list already growingbefore the sun even rises.
You're exhausted, longing forjust a little more sleep.
But instead you reach for yourphone and start scrolling
through old photos.
You see your kids, those sweetbaby faces, and a wave of
nostalgia hits.
Where did the time go?
And then it creeps in.
You start to wonder who you'llbe now.
(01:05):
What will life look like?
When exactly did you disappearfrom your own story.
And when did you start to feelso old, so used up?
You've tried the self-caresolutions, the bubble baths, the
girls' nights, the meditationapps, but somehow they leave you
feeling even more hollow, youwonder.
Maybe I'm just doing it wrongor worse, maybe those things
were never meant for women inthis season of life?
(01:27):
Because, let's be honest, theyfeel like they're designed for
20-somethings who are burned outfrom too many brunches and
deadlines, not for the womanwho's carried a family, a
history and the weight of beingneeded.
For so long she forgot how toneed herself.
Because, deep down, you knowthis isn't about needing a break
from your life.
It's about needing to findyourself within it.
(01:47):
You're terrified to admit whatwhispers in the quiet moments
that loving your family fiercelyand wanting more for yourself
can coexist in the same heart.
You become fluent in meetingeveryone else's needs, while
your own voice has gone silent.
You move through your days,checking boxes, laundry load one
is in, the colors are folded,emails answered, groceries
(02:07):
ordered, while carrying theinvisible weight of a question
you can barely put to words Isthis all there is?
The day is full, but your soulfeels empty.
And in those rare moments ofstillness, when the house is
finally quiet, when you'redriving alone, when you catch a
reflection and barely recognizethe woman looking back,
something rises in you,something that feels like grief
(02:28):
and possibility.
You're not ungrateful for thelife you've built.
You couldn't imagine havingtaken a different path.
You are so full of love andgratitude, which makes the guilt
even more confusing.
Maybe the guilt isn't just yourheart checking in on itself, or
maybe maybe you're just nowbecoming aware with growing
certainty that you were meant tobe more than a supporting
(02:50):
character in your own story andthe guilt.
Maybe it's just the fear oftalking, because for over 18
years you've pushed yourselfaside and now the thought of
including you again.
Well, it's a little scary.
Do you feel invisible,overwhelmed or disconnected from
the woman you once were?
Beyond your roles as a mom?
You're not alone.
Many women struggle withmaintaining self-worth, finding
balance and rediscovering joywhile taking care of everyone
(03:13):
else.
I'm Misty Chelley, founder ofyour Upmost Life Method, a mom
of two and a woman who knowsfirsthand that identity shifts
of motherhood don't have to leadto identity crisis.
They can become the gateway toyour most authentic, powerful
season yet.
Welcome to your Upmost LifePodcast.
I am so glad you're here,because you're not just a mom.
You are a woman with untappedpotential, ready to live your
(03:33):
utmost life.
Today, we're going to challengeone of the most persistent lies
that keeps women stuck in thatstrange limbo between who they
were and who they're becoming.
This is the belief that youneed perfect clarity before you
can take the first step towardchange.
I'll show you why waiting forclarity actually keeps you
spinning in confusion, and howtaking aligned action, even
small steps, creates the clarityyou've been craving.
(03:55):
I've lived in this limbo myself, that strange space where you
know you can't keep going onlike this, but you're terrified
to move without certainty.
I remember lying awake.
It was 3 am on a Tuesday andeveryone was asleep everyone but
me.
There I was scrolling throughGoogle, searching for how to
find purpose outside ofmotherhood and feeling more lost
with every click.
That moment felt like rockbottom, but looking back, I was
(04:19):
actually the first tiny spark ofmy awakening.
I was beginning to name theinvisible ache.
I was acknowledging thatsomething needed to change, even
if I didn't know what thatchange would look like.
Maybe you're in that placeright now.
Perhaps you're thinking I justneed to figure out what I want,
and then I'll be ready to start.
But what if that approach isprecisely what's keeping you
(04:39):
stuck?
If something in you resonateswith what I'm saying, I would
love for you to screenshot thisepisode right now and share it
in your stories with the phraseclarity isn't a prerequisite,
it's a result, and tag me atyour utmost self and let's make
this our new mantra for movingforward.
On the surface, what you'reexperiencing might feel like
simple indecision or confusion.
(05:00):
You're craving a new chapter,but you feel stuck because you
don't know exactly who you areoutside of your roles as a
mother, partner, professionaldaughter and friend.
The constant mental loop soundslike I need to figure out who I
am and what I want first, andthen I can make changes.
But let's go deeper Somewherealong the way you adopted the
idea that clarity must comebefore action.
This belief says you need tohave everything figured out who
(05:23):
you are, what you want, whereyou're going before you can take
even the first step.
It tells you that you'll wastetime, make mistakes or look
foolish if you start movingwithout absolute certainty.
This belief is so powerfulbecause it masquerades as wisdom
.
It feels logical andresponsible, like careful
planning, but in reality it's aform of perfectionism and a fear
in disguise.
(05:44):
And here's the real cost.
While you wait for perfectclarity to arrive like a
lightning bolt of inspiration,your life stays paused.
Research from the University ofPennsylvania found that 70% of
women in midlife reportedfeeling stuck for an average of
two and a half years beforemaking a change they later
described as transformative.
That's nearly a thousand daysof waiting for permission to
(06:06):
begin.
So you wait.
You wait for a sign, abreakdown or someone else's
permission.
You keep collecting moreinformation, take more
personality tests and readingmore self-help books, all while
the restlessness grows and yourauthentic self remains buried
beneath the weight.
Crush it and you hold it down.
You keep living a half-life.
According to a 2023 study inthe Journal of Women's Health,
(06:30):
this state of prolonged limboactually creates more anxiety
and indecision, not less.
The longer we wait for claritybefore action, the more
paralyzed we become.
Here's a truth that transformedmy own journey Clarity doesn't
precede movement.
Movement creates clarity.
Let me repeat that Clarity doesnot come before movement.
(06:50):
It's movement that createsclarity.
Think about it like driving atnight your headlights only
illuminate the next what?
100 feet of road in front ofyou.
You can't see the entirejourney from start to finish,
but you can see just enough tokeep rolling, and as you move
forward, more of the path isrevealed.
That's exactly where thecreation of your utmost life
method came from.
Not because I had it allfigured out, but because I
(07:12):
needed a way forward when Ididn't know who I was or what I
wanted.
I needed a path that didn'trequire perfect clarity Just the
curve should take one step, andthe trust that movement itself
would bring the next piece ofrevelation, or, at the very
least, my next right step.
The your utmost life methodbreaks down into three essential
phases that work together tocreate a path forward.
(07:33):
When you feel lost, discoverythis isn't about having answers,
but simply about becoming aware.
You begin by naming where youare right now, without judgment.
What feels misaligned?
What are you saying yes to, outof obligation rather than
desire?
What is the small voice insideyou trying to say that you've
been too busy, too tired or tooafraid to hear?
The second phase is design.
(07:55):
You don't need a full-blownplan, you just need a hazy
vision so that you can begin agentle shift in direction.
In this phase, you beginclarifying your core values and
begin to imagine a life thataligns with them, even if you
can't see every detail yet.
And the third phase is do.
This is where most women getstuck, because they think they
need to be ready before theybegin.
(08:15):
This is the phase where we'renot waiting for readiness.
It's about taking small,aligned actions that create
momentum and clarity, notwaiting until you have it all
figured out.
Let me share how this playedout in my own life.
After that night of desperateGoogling, I didn't suddenly
receive a five-year plan,downloaded from heaven.
There was no blueprint.
(08:35):
Instead, I made one tinydecision Next time I was in the
car running errands, I wouldturn off the radio so that my
mind could have a small momentof silence.
Maybe, just maybe, I could hearthat small voice inside and
spend that time reconnectingwith myself.
I had no idea what would comefrom it.
I didn't have a grand vision.
I just knew I needed space.
That was mine.
Those silent drives eventuallybecame the foundation of a
(08:59):
journal practice which led torediscovering my appreciation
for my own thoughts and innerworld.
That time in silence sparked theidea of your utmost self.
I realized I wasn't the onlywoman who felt like I was and,
as Google hadn't helped me,maybe, just maybe I could be the
voice that let another mom knowshe wasn't alone.
This in turn led from onesimple idea to ultimately
(09:20):
becoming this podcast, and thenthe entire, your utmost life
movement.
But none of this was visible tome when I made that first small
decision.
I couldn't see the entire path.
I could only see the next step,and each step I took revealed
the one after that.
I used to think I had to findmyself before I could make
changes, but the truth is, everystep I took toward the life I
(09:41):
wanted helped reveal the woman Iwas becoming.
She was part of me all along,woven into my DNA.
Part of her became from theexperiences that I had in my
youth, part from the lessons Ilearned over decades of being a
mom and a wife, and part fromthe woman I'm still becoming.
You don't get clarity andstillness alone.
You find it in motion.
Studies in neuropsychologyconfirm this approach.
(10:03):
Research published in theJournal of Personality and
Social Psychology found thattaking action actually changes
our brain chemistry, activatingneural pathways that cannot be
accessed through thought alone.
Dr Marge Worrell, a leadershipexpert, calls this the courage
paradox the recognition thatcourage doesn't come from
feeling confident, but ratherconfidence comes from taking
(10:24):
courageous action.
In other words, the feelingswe're waiting for are actually
generated by the very actionswe're hesitant to take.
A Harvard doctor found thatmost successful transitions
don't start with perfect clarity, but rather with what he calls
hunch following making smallmoves based on what feels
intuitively right, thenadjusting course based on the
feedback those actions generate.
(10:45):
What if that nagging feeling wasactually a sign urging you to
take action and step into theunknown?
What if it was an invitation toembrace the journey rather than
waiting for the perfect time orcomplete understanding?
Imagine what would happen if,instead of waiting for
permission, you gave it toyourself.
What if you trusted that thepath would unfold, not before
you started walking, but becauseyou started walking?
But maybe you're asking how?
(11:05):
Because you started walking?
But maybe you're asking how doI know if I'm unclear or just
afraid of making a mistake?
This is a great question.
Clarity blocks usually feelfoggy, like confusion, but fear
of mistakes feel sharp andanxious.
It often sounds like what if Imess up?
What if I disrupt everything?
If you look deeper, many timesit's not that you don't know,
(11:26):
it's that you're afraid to trustwhat you already sense.
So ask yourself am I trulyunclear.
Or am I afraid of what claritymight require from me?
Because sometimes the truth iswe're already have a flicker of
clarity.
We just don't want it.
Because it is asking somethingof us.
It asks us to be honest, toadmit what's no longer working,
to risk disappointing someone,to choose ourselves, even if
(11:48):
only in small ways, and that'svulnerable.
But that's also where the shiftbegins.
Clarity doesn't come all at once.
It arrives in layers, throughsmall, honest steps that begin
to reveal what you've alreadyknown deep down.
So what do you actually do next?
Start with one question what'sone area of your life that feels
out of alignment with whoyou're becoming?
Journal a possibility, describewhat it looks like if you shift
(12:10):
to that area without pressureto figure it all out.
Choose one aligned step, say no, take the walk.
Block 30 minutes for silence,one brave move.
Aligned action can be subtle.
It looks like wearing theoutfit that feels like you,
saying no without guilt orexplanation, sitting quietly
with your coffee before the daybegins, or taking the scenic
(12:30):
route because beauty nourishesyou, decluttering a drawer
because it feels like a metaphor, or driving in silence and
letting your inner voice speakto you.
These are not luxuries, they'redeclarations.
They whisper to your nervoussystem, I matter.
Those who finally stoppedwaiting for perfect clarity
often describe the same feeling,not that they suddenly have all
the answers, but that they'refinally asking the right
(12:52):
questions.
They speak of a profound senseof groundedness, as though they
are reconnecting with along-lost friend, even as
they're still discovering whothat truly is.
Mary Oliver, the Pulitzer Prizewinning American poet, asks in
her beloved poem the Summer Day.
She says tell me, what is itthat you plan to do with your
(13:14):
one wild and precious life?
She doesn't say tell me whatyou've figured out.
It's not about certainty, it'sabout doing the living, the
moving forward.
There's a special kind ofliving, a full life that begins
when you stop requiring yourselfto have it all figured out
before you begin.
It's the difference betweensitting in the car with it in
park, waiting for perfectdirection, and putting the car
in gear, trusting that you willbe capable of choosing the turns
when you need them, as theyappear.
(13:35):
You won't find true fulfillmentin plotting every move in
advance.
You find it by showing up, mileby mile, moment by moment,
because the richest kind of lifeisn't mapped out in certainty.
It's discovered in motion, thescenic routes you didn't plan to
take, the spontaneous pit stops, the moments for a great photo,
the laughter over a roadsidepicnic, the creek you didn't
(13:57):
expect to find but pulled overto enjoy anyway.
It's those beautiful unplannedmoments that life offers us when
we finally stop trying tocontrol the journey and start
being present for it.
So where do you start when youdon't know where to start, with
awareness, not answers.
That's why I created the yourUpmost Life Alignment Check-In a
quick, powerful tool to helpyou identify where you are and
(14:19):
what your next step might be.
This isn't about having afive-year plan.
It's about identifying whatfeels misaligned right now and
taking one small step towardgreater alignment.
You can download it for free atyouramoselfcom forward slash
alignment check-in.
As we wrap up, I want to leaveyou with one question what's one
thing you've been waiting to dountil you have it all figured
(14:41):
out, and what might happen ifyou shift it from?
Stop waiting for perfectclarity and instead took one
small step today?
Remember the woman who movedbeyond the invisibility of
motherhood into lives of meaningand purpose?
Aren't the ones who've neverfelt confused or uncertain?
They're the ones who learned tomove forward alongside their
uncertainty, trusting thatclarity would emerge from action
(15:02):
, not before it.
Before you go, three ways totake your next steps.
One, download the utmost lifealignment check-in at your
utmost selfcom forward slashalignment check-in.
Second, leave a review.
Your words help this messagereach the women who need it most
.
And third, share this episodein your stories and tag me at
your utmost self with yourbiggest takeaway.
Remember, you weren't meant tosit in limbo waiting for perfect
(15:25):
clarity.
You were meant to rise, onesmall brave step at a time,
until next time.
I'm Misty Chili and this is theyour Upmost Life Podcast.
You know something needs to change, but you don't
even know what page you're onanymore.
The life you've built starts tofeel unfamiliar, like you're
living in a story that used tobe yours but no longer fits.
And what if that sign you'vebeen waiting for isn't a
breakdown or a burning bush, butthe quiet restlessness you've
been carrying for weeks, haveyou been whispering to yourself?
I know something needs tochange, but I don't know what.
(00:22):
I don't know who I am.
You're at that invisiblecrossroads where you've given so
much of yourself away that youbarely recognize what's left.
This isn't just mom fatigue,it's not a midlife slump.
It's a waking up at 2 am withyour heart racing, wondering
where is everybody?
Are they safe?
Did they turn in that paper?
And as you lay there, your mindshifts to the day ahead, the
(00:44):
to-do list already growingbefore the sun even rises.
You're exhausted, longing forjust a little more sleep.
But instead you reach for yourphone and start scrolling
through old photos.
You see your kids, those sweetbaby faces, and a wave of
nostalgia hits.
Where did the time go?
And then it creeps in.
You start to wonder who you'llbe now.
(01:05):
What will life look like?
When exactly did you disappearfrom your own story.
And when did you start to feelso old, so used up?
You've tried the self-caresolutions, the bubble baths, the
girls' nights, the meditationapps, but somehow they leave you
feeling even more hollow, youwonder.
Maybe I'm just doing it wrongor worse, maybe those things
were never meant for women inthis season of life?
(01:27):
Because, let's be honest, theyfeel like they're designed for
20-somethings who are burned outfrom too many brunches and
deadlines, not for the womanwho's carried a family, a
history and the weight of beingneeded.
For so long she forgot how toneed herself.
Because, deep down, you knowthis isn't about needing a break
from your life.
It's about needing to findyourself within it.
(01:47):
You're terrified to admit whatwhispers in the quiet moments
that loving your family fiercelyand wanting more for yourself
can coexist in the same heart.
You become fluent in meetingeveryone else's needs, while
your own voice has gone silent.
You move through your days,checking boxes, laundry load one
is in, the colors are folded,emails answered, groceries
(02:07):
ordered, while carrying theinvisible weight of a question
you can barely put to words Isthis all there is?
The day is full, but your soulfeels empty.
And in those rare moments ofstillness, when the house is
finally quiet, when you'redriving alone, when you catch a
reflection and barely recognizethe woman looking back,
something rises in you,something that feels like grief
(02:28):
and possibility.
You're not ungrateful for thelife you've built.
You couldn't imagine havingtaken a different path.
You are so full of love andgratitude, which makes the guilt
even more confusing.
Maybe the guilt isn't just yourheart checking in on itself, or
maybe maybe you're just nowbecoming aware with growing
certainty that you were meant tobe more than a supporting
(02:50):
character in your own story andthe guilt.
Maybe it's just the fear oftalking, because for over 18
years you've pushed yourselfaside and now the thought of
including you again.
Well, it's a little scary.
Do you feel invisible,overwhelmed or disconnected from
the woman you once were?
Beyond your roles as a mom?
You're not alone.
Many women struggle withmaintaining self-worth, finding
balance and rediscovering joywhile taking care of everyone
(03:13):
else.
I'm Misty Chelley, founder ofyour Upmost Life Method, a mom
of two and a woman who knowsfirsthand that identity shifts
of motherhood don't have to leadto identity crisis.
They can become the gateway toyour most authentic, powerful
season yet.
Welcome to your Upmost LifePodcast.
I am so glad you're here,because you're not just a mom.
You are a woman with untappedpotential, ready to live your
(03:33):
utmost life.
Today, we're going to challengeone of the most persistent lies
that keeps women stuck in thatstrange limbo between who they
were and who they're becoming.
This is the belief that youneed perfect clarity before you
can take the first step towardchange.
I'll show you why waiting forclarity actually keeps you
spinning in confusion, and howtaking aligned action, even
small steps, creates the clarityyou've been craving.
(03:55):
I've lived in this limbo myself, that strange space where you
know you can't keep going onlike this, but you're terrified
to move without certainty.
I remember lying awake.
It was 3 am on a Tuesday andeveryone was asleep everyone but
me.
There I was scrolling throughGoogle, searching for how to
find purpose outside ofmotherhood and feeling more lost
with every click.
That moment felt like rockbottom, but looking back, I was
(04:19):
actually the first tiny spark ofmy awakening.
I was beginning to name theinvisible ache.
I was acknowledging thatsomething needed to change, even
if I didn't know what thatchange would look like.
Maybe you're in that placeright now.
Perhaps you're thinking I justneed to figure out what I want,
and then I'll be ready to start.
But what if that approach isprecisely what's keeping you
(04:39):
stuck?
If something in you resonateswith what I'm saying, I would
love for you to screenshot thisepisode right now and share it
in your stories with the phraseclarity isn't a prerequisite,
it's a result, and tag me atyour utmost self and let's make
this our new mantra for movingforward.
On the surface, what you'reexperiencing might feel like
simple indecision or confusion.
(05:00):
You're craving a new chapter,but you feel stuck because you
don't know exactly who you areoutside of your roles as a
mother, partner, professionaldaughter and friend.
The constant mental loop soundslike I need to figure out who I
am and what I want first, andthen I can make changes.
But let's go deeper Somewherealong the way you adopted the
idea that clarity must comebefore action.
This belief says you need tohave everything figured out who
(05:23):
you are, what you want, whereyou're going before you can take
even the first step.
It tells you that you'll wastetime, make mistakes or look
foolish if you start movingwithout absolute certainty.
This belief is so powerfulbecause it masquerades as wisdom
.
It feels logical andresponsible, like careful
planning, but in reality it's aform of perfectionism and a fear
in disguise.
(05:44):
And here's the real cost.
While you wait for perfectclarity to arrive like a
lightning bolt of inspiration,your life stays paused.
Research from the University ofPennsylvania found that 70% of
women in midlife reportedfeeling stuck for an average of
two and a half years beforemaking a change they later
described as transformative.
That's nearly a thousand daysof waiting for permission to
(06:06):
begin.
So you wait.
You wait for a sign, abreakdown or someone else's
permission.
You keep collecting moreinformation, take more
personality tests and readingmore self-help books, all while
the restlessness grows and yourauthentic self remains buried
beneath the weight.
Crush it and you hold it down.
You keep living a half-life.
According to a 2023 study inthe Journal of Women's Health,
(06:30):
this state of prolonged limboactually creates more anxiety
and indecision, not less.
The longer we wait for claritybefore action, the more
paralyzed we become.
Here's a truth that transformedmy own journey Clarity doesn't
precede movement.
Movement creates clarity.
Let me repeat that Clarity doesnot come before movement.
(06:50):
It's movement that createsclarity.
Think about it like driving atnight your headlights only
illuminate the next what?
100 feet of road in front ofyou.
You can't see the entirejourney from start to finish,
but you can see just enough tokeep rolling, and as you move
forward, more of the path isrevealed.
That's exactly where thecreation of your utmost life
method came from.
Not because I had it allfigured out, but because I
(07:12):
needed a way forward when Ididn't know who I was or what I
wanted.
I needed a path that didn'trequire perfect clarity Just the
curve should take one step, andthe trust that movement itself
would bring the next piece ofrevelation, or, at the very
least, my next right step.
The your utmost life methodbreaks down into three essential
phases that work together tocreate a path forward.
(07:33):
When you feel lost, discoverythis isn't about having answers,
but simply about becoming aware.
You begin by naming where youare right now, without judgment.
What feels misaligned?
What are you saying yes to, outof obligation rather than
desire?
What is the small voice insideyou trying to say that you've
been too busy, too tired or tooafraid to hear?
The second phase is design.
(07:55):
You don't need a full-blownplan, you just need a hazy
vision so that you can begin agentle shift in direction.
In this phase, you beginclarifying your core values and
begin to imagine a life thataligns with them, even if you
can't see every detail yet.
And the third phase is do.
This is where most women getstuck, because they think they
need to be ready before theybegin.
(08:15):
This is the phase where we'renot waiting for readiness.
It's about taking small,aligned actions that create
momentum and clarity, notwaiting until you have it all
figured out.
Let me share how this playedout in my own life.
After that night of desperateGoogling, I didn't suddenly
receive a five-year plan,downloaded from heaven.
There was no blueprint.
(08:35):
Instead, I made one tinydecision Next time I was in the
car running errands, I wouldturn off the radio so that my
mind could have a small momentof silence.
Maybe, just maybe, I could hearthat small voice inside and
spend that time reconnectingwith myself.
I had no idea what would comefrom it.
I didn't have a grand vision.
I just knew I needed space.
That was mine.
Those silent drives eventuallybecame the foundation of a
(08:59):
journal practice which led torediscovering my appreciation
for my own thoughts and innerworld.
That time in silence sparked theidea of your utmost self.
I realized I wasn't the onlywoman who felt like I was and,
as Google hadn't helped me,maybe, just maybe I could be the
voice that let another mom knowshe wasn't alone.
This in turn led from onesimple idea to ultimately
(09:20):
becoming this podcast, and thenthe entire, your utmost life
movement.
But none of this was visible tome when I made that first small
decision.
I couldn't see the entire path.
I could only see the next step,and each step I took revealed
the one after that.
I used to think I had to findmyself before I could make
changes, but the truth is, everystep I took toward the life I
(09:41):
wanted helped reveal the woman Iwas becoming.
She was part of me all along,woven into my DNA.
Part of her became from theexperiences that I had in my
youth, part from the lessons Ilearned over decades of being a
mom and a wife, and part fromthe woman I'm still becoming.
You don't get clarity andstillness alone.
You find it in motion.
Studies in neuropsychologyconfirm this approach.
(10:03):
Research published in theJournal of Personality and
Social Psychology found thattaking action actually changes
our brain chemistry, activatingneural pathways that cannot be
accessed through thought alone.
Dr Marge Worrell, a leadershipexpert, calls this the courage
paradox the recognition thatcourage doesn't come from
feeling confident, but ratherconfidence comes from taking
(10:24):
courageous action.
In other words, the feelingswe're waiting for are actually
generated by the very actionswe're hesitant to take.
A Harvard doctor found thatmost successful transitions
don't start with perfect clarity, but rather with what he calls
hunch following making smallmoves based on what feels
intuitively right, thenadjusting course based on the
feedback those actions generate.
(10:45):
What if that nagging feeling wasactually a sign urging you to
take action and step into theunknown?
What if it was an invitation toembrace the journey rather than
waiting for the perfect time orcomplete understanding?
Imagine what would happen if,instead of waiting for
permission, you gave it toyourself.
What if you trusted that thepath would unfold, not before
you started walking, but becauseyou started walking?
But maybe you're asking how?
(11:05):
Because you started walking?
But maybe you're asking how doI know if I'm unclear or just
afraid of making a mistake?
This is a great question.
Clarity blocks usually feelfoggy, like confusion, but fear
of mistakes feel sharp andanxious.
It often sounds like what if Imess up?
What if I disrupt everything?
If you look deeper, many timesit's not that you don't know,
(11:26):
it's that you're afraid to trustwhat you already sense.
So ask yourself am I trulyunclear.
Or am I afraid of what claritymight require from me?
Because sometimes the truth iswe're already have a flicker of
clarity.
We just don't want it.
Because it is asking somethingof us.
It asks us to be honest, toadmit what's no longer working,
to risk disappointing someone,to choose ourselves, even if
(11:48):
only in small ways, and that'svulnerable.
But that's also where the shiftbegins.
Clarity doesn't come all at once.
It arrives in layers, throughsmall, honest steps that begin
to reveal what you've alreadyknown deep down.
So what do you actually do next?
Start with one question what'sone area of your life that feels
out of alignment with whoyou're becoming?
Journal a possibility, describewhat it looks like if you shift
(12:10):
to that area without pressureto figure it all out.
Choose one aligned step, say no, take the walk.
Block 30 minutes for silence,one brave move.
Aligned action can be subtle.
It looks like wearing theoutfit that feels like you,
saying no without guilt orexplanation, sitting quietly
with your coffee before the daybegins, or taking the scenic
(12:30):
route because beauty nourishesyou, decluttering a drawer
because it feels like a metaphor, or driving in silence and
letting your inner voice speakto you.
These are not luxuries, they'redeclarations.
They whisper to your nervoussystem, I matter.
Those who finally stoppedwaiting for perfect clarity
often describe the same feeling,not that they suddenly have all
the answers, but that they'refinally asking the right
(12:52):
questions.
They speak of a profound senseof groundedness, as though they
are reconnecting with along-lost friend, even as
they're still discovering whothat truly is.
Mary Oliver, the Pulitzer Prizewinning American poet, asks in
her beloved poem the Summer Day.
She says tell me, what is itthat you plan to do with your
(13:14):
one wild and precious life?
She doesn't say tell me whatyou've figured out.
It's not about certainty, it'sabout doing the living, the
moving forward.
There's a special kind ofliving, a full life that begins
when you stop requiring yourselfto have it all figured out
before you begin.
It's the difference betweensitting in the car with it in
park, waiting for perfectdirection, and putting the car
in gear, trusting that you willbe capable of choosing the turns
when you need them, as theyappear.
(13:35):
You won't find true fulfillmentin plotting every move in
advance.
You find it by showing up, mileby mile, moment by moment,
because the richest kind of lifeisn't mapped out in certainty.
It's discovered in motion, thescenic routes you didn't plan to
take, the spontaneous pit stops, the moments for a great photo,
the laughter over a roadsidepicnic, the creek you didn't
(13:57):
expect to find but pulled overto enjoy anyway.
It's those beautiful unplannedmoments that life offers us when
we finally stop trying tocontrol the journey and start
being present for it.
So where do you start when youdon't know where to start, with
awareness, not answers.
That's why I created the yourUpmost Life Alignment Check-In a
quick, powerful tool to helpyou identify where you are and
(14:19):
what your next step might be.
This isn't about having afive-year plan.
It's about identifying whatfeels misaligned right now and
taking one small step towardgreater alignment.
You can download it for free atyouramoselfcom forward slash
alignment check-in.
As we wrap up, I want to leaveyou with one question what's one
thing you've been waiting to dountil you have it all figured
(14:41):
out, and what might happen ifyou shift it from?
Stop waiting for perfectclarity and instead took one
small step today?
Remember the woman who movedbeyond the invisibility of
motherhood into lives of meaningand purpose?
Aren't the ones who've neverfelt confused or uncertain?
They're the ones who learned tomove forward alongside their
uncertainty, trusting thatclarity would emerge from action
(15:02):
, not before it.
Before you go, three ways totake your next steps.
One, download the utmost lifealignment check-in at your
utmost selfcom forward slashalignment check-in.
Second, leave a review.
Your words help this messagereach the women who need it most
.
And third, share this episodein your stories and tag me at
your utmost self with yourbiggest takeaway.
Remember, you weren't meant tosit in limbo waiting for perfect
(15:25):
clarity.
You were meant to rise, onesmall brave step at a time,
until next time.
I'm Misty Chili and this is theyour Upmost Life Podcast.
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