Check your empathy

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Have you ever felt like you're speaking a different emotional language when sharing your struggles with someone? That's the heartache of empathy misses, and we've all been there. Welcome to this week's Bite of Balance, where I, Theresa, peel back the layers on why those misses sting and how we can avoid making them in our own interactions. With a blend of personal stories and listener experiences, we navigate the fine line between empathy and sympathy and why recognizing that distinction matters in every conversation we have. 

This episode dishes out some real talk on the art of truly being there for someone — it's more than just offering a shoulder to cry on. I introduce you to an empathy meter, a simple yet powerful tool that can help you measure your depth of engagement when someone entrusts you with their feelings. You'll leave this discussion with actionable tips to become a more present listener and a guide to fostering those deep, authentic connections we crave. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Bite of Balance, your weekly snack-sized
therapy sesh.
I'm your host, teresa, and thisweek, on the podcast, we took a
look at empathy misses.
Have you ever poured your heartout to someone, only to feel
like they just didn't get it?
Well, you're not alone, andthat happens actually quite
often.
So today we're unpacking theconcept of empathy misses, how

(00:22):
they feel on the receiving end,and maybe even bringing to your
awareness some that you might beguilty of.
So grab your favorite beverage,get cozy and let's freaking get
into it.
Okay, so the first thing thatwe really need to do when we're
dissecting empathy misses andfiguring out how to receive them

(00:44):
, how to handle them, isunderstanding the difference
between empathy and sympathy.
First things first, let's clearup the confusion.
Empathy isn't just about feelingsorry for someone.
Honestly, people that aresearching for empathy, they
don't want you to feel sorry forthem.
It's actually about trulyunderstanding and connecting
with their emotions.

(01:04):
Empathy is about being able tounderstand what someone else is
going through, feel what they'refeeling and understand why they
feel that way.
It's all about the connectionof a feeling, not the connection
of the exact experience.
Now, with all that said, it'snot always easy to do that,
especially since when we connectwith other people, a lot of

(01:26):
times we try and draw from ourexperiences.
So when you don't have an exactexperience, empathy takes some
work and practice.
So here's an example.
Imagine a friend confides inyou about feeling overwhelmed at
work.
Instead of immediately offeringsolutions such as maybe you
should talk to your boss or youshould try time management
techniques, instead you respondwith empathy by saying I hear

(01:50):
you.
It sounds like work has beenreally challenging lately.
How are you holding up?
Give them the opportunity totalk more with you about their
situation.
Empathy misses can be extremelydamaging in relationships.
They invalidate someone's livedexperience and block authentic
connection.
I mean, imagine you're pouringyour heart out to someone, only

(02:11):
to be met with minimization orattempts to fix your problems.
It's like swinging and missingin a game of emotional baseball.
When you start to be able torecognize the empathy misses you
experience with people, you'llthen be able to recognize where
you lack in the empathydepartment.
And let's be real, we all missin the empathy department at
some point in our life, whetherwe minimize someone else's

(02:34):
struggle by offering solutionsinstead of listening.
I am super guilty of this one.
Or maybe we compare ourstruggles to theirs and let them
know that what they're goingthrough just really isn't that
bad.
Or my favorite term, it couldbe worse.
Literally, that term drives meinsane.
Cultivating empathy is a journey, not a destination.

(02:56):
It starts with self-awarenessand acceptance.
Trust me, I had to do a lot ofthat in the empathy department.
I really needed to take a stepback and realize, wow, I am not
good here in this department andI don't like it when people
don't give me empathy, so Ireally need to work on this.
You need to recognize whenyou're falling into the trap of
an empathy miss and coursecorrect.

(03:17):
You can do this by practicingactive listening, validate
others' emotions and resist theurge to one-up or fix their
problems.
The fixing of the problems,again, something I totally
struggle with.
I am a fixer and alwaysremember that empathy is a
two-way street.
Be open to receiving empathy asmuch as you give it.

(03:40):
So, with all that said, thisbrings me to our take-home tool
for the day.
We are going to call this theempathy meter.
Take a moment to assess yourlevel of empathy in
conversations.
Are you truly listening andunderstanding, or are you
jumping to solutions orcomparisons?
Aim to keep your empathy meterin check and strive for genuine

(04:03):
connection in every interaction.
If you do that and keep thosethings in mind, you not only are
going to be able to recognizewhen you are lacking and missing
in the empathy department, butyou're also going to be able to
recognize when someone else ismissing in the empathy
department with you, and thentogether you can correct and get
on a better journey of empathy.

(04:24):
So that is all I have for youtoday.
If you missed this week's fullepisode on empathy misses, go
check it out on the you'realways fine podcast.
Until next time I am out.