February 20, 2024 • 19 mins
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Welcome to season two of "You're Always Fine". In this episode, Kristine introduces Theresa, who will be her co-host this season. This week we talk about the elephant in February, Resolutions. We discuss the excuses that we all make and the psychology behind why we often fail to keep our resolutions. We challenge the traditional narrative of resolutions, and share stories of progress that value growth over perfection. This episode is filled with laughter, understanding, and moments of insight. Remember, personal growth is a continuous journey, not a destination dictated by a calendar. Join us in our conversation that affirms balance, peace, and growth.
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Self-confidence: a group for growth and development
Date: 2/27/24 Time: 2pm EST
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Cabana content recommendations based on this episode:
This week’s source notes:
Making a new year resolution
Realistic resolutions
https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2020/01/realistic-new-years-resolutions-for-your-mental-health/
Atomic Habits by James Clear
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cabana (00:03):
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to show up
for yourself and embrace themess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Kristine (00:27):
Welcome to season two of You're Always Fine.
The break was way too long, butI'm happy to be back behind the
mic creating space to not befine.
I'm your host, christine, andthis season my co-host is Teresa
Thomas.
Hello, hello.
Are we ready for this adventure?
I'm not sure we are?
Theresa (00:43):
I'm ready.
Is everyone else ready?
Is my question?
Kristine (00:46):
We have a lot of stuff that is going to be packed into
this season for you, but todaywe wanted to start off with
resolutions.
Now you might be saying, whyresolutions?
It's February, but that'sexactly it.
A lot of times we see this hugepush in January and then, come
February, it's like I'll tryagain next year.
Theresa (01:06):
Next year, 2025.
Kristine (01:09):
Actually I was just kidding, I was just joking
around.
I'm curious Did you set aresolution?
Theresa (01:18):
this year, teresa.
So for me I did, and some of myresolutions are going to seem
ridiculous, but for me, as a mom, one of my biggest resolutions
and actually now that we'retalking about it, I'm realizing
I'm failing miserably at it.
If I don't have somewhere to beoutside of my home, and even
sometimes when I do, I don'treally put that much effort into
myself.
(01:38):
If people see a video recordingof this, this really is like I
didn't complete my resolutiontoday, but one of them is to
actually wear the things thatare in my closet because it
seems small, but you do feelbetter about yourself when you
put a little bit of time.
I'm not talking like I mean I'ma mom so I don't have that much
time on my hands, but I'mtalking like an extra 10 minutes
(01:59):
so I don't look like an ogre.
Kristine (02:04):
So that's one of them.
Wait really quick on that one.
I think it's something so funnybecause, I agree, I don't know
if skincare actually doesanything for my skin and or if
I'm even putting on makeupcorrectly.
But I will say it's part of mymorning routine and those
minutes that are truly just forme it kind of sets the whole
tone of my day.
Theresa (02:25):
Yeah, it starts you off , this habit that I always fall
into and I'm still falling intoit.
I'm not perfect is I'll go andI'm like, okay, I have to shower
, so I'll take a shower and thenI will hop right back into
clean sweatpants and cleanpajamas.
But I'm like, what was thepurpose of that?
I still look like I smell, eventhough I don't Put on a pair of
(02:48):
jeans.
Kristine (02:48):
Lady, I will say, though, you at least have a
little bit more on me, becauseyou know I don't like to leave
the house point blank, period,and like COVID leggings, and
like people not being able tosmell me has like completely
changed the game, and I will say, like that's how I started
doing a morning routine.
(03:09):
I was like, because I I can'tlove being home this much and
not change anything.
But okay, give me some of yourother resolutions, because you
know I have a hot take onresolutions that I was coming in
, so go ahead so um, so I wouldsay I am being very good with
the gym, but that is a hard onefor me, because I'm usually good
(03:29):
with that.
Theresa (03:30):
So I didn't want to like make a resolution where I'm
like, oh, I'm like going to dosomething that's easy for me.
So my resolution is like, if Ican't get to the gym, which is
my favorite way to work out isactually getting out of my house
and going I'm committing to atleast moving my body in some way
, shape or form, whether that beat home, like I got a walking
pad.
Kristine (03:49):
I did notice that you finally came and got the walking
pad.
I did.
And because I'm like, I calledmy therapist.
Theresa (03:58):
Well cause I was like no excuses, like if it's cold or
it's snowing and I can't getthere, like I'm committing to
moving my body, so there reallyis no way for me to be like, oh,
I can't work out today, I can'tgo to the gym.
It's like no, pull your walkingpad out and walk on the walking
pad.
So that's another one.
Kristine (04:14):
I love it.
It's so interesting cause Ithink our brains do this thing
where it's like we're reallyhard on ourselves, like negative
self-talk and everything, butalso we are really good at like
creating reasons why potentiallywe could not achieve this and I
wouldn't call it grace becausewe pay for it some other way.
It's not like self-compassionI'm talking about here.
(04:35):
I'm talking about like, theways in which we trick ourselves
to like.
Theresa (04:38):
Oh yeah, we convince ourselves like no, this is
totally acceptable.
And in the back of your mindyou're like no, you're like
flaking on your resolution.
What are you doing?
Kristine (04:46):
Which is why I have a big problem with resolutions,
and here it is people.
I hate them.
I hate them because I thinkthat while they're great and I
know there's like an intention,when I've done the one word
intentions, I'm just like Idon't even know what to do with
this word.
This isn't even a goal or atask.
What do I do with that word?
So that didn't work for me.
Then it's like set resolutionsand you know me, I'm pretty
(05:10):
black and white, like I like todo something, and then it's like
I either did it or I didn't doit, and like that black and
white does not really lenditself, I'd say, to like healthy
habits or like goal changing.
You know what I mean.
Theresa (05:24):
Yeah, definitely, and I create a lot of pressure.
Kristine (05:26):
Yes, and I think that's why we see this February
like slump of like try againnext year, right, because it's
like, if you first of all anyoneelse feel like January was a
whole year itself, because I do.
Theresa (05:35):
Um, yeah, we're just going to act like January wasn't
around.
I don't know what happened inJanuary.
My life was just.
I don't know what that was.
Kristine (05:43):
There was 12 months in just this January 2024.
I don't, I don't really know,but so that is why this year I
did something different and Icannot we're going to have to
wait until next January for thesuccess.
However, I do believe it haschanged some of my mindset
around resolution because, also,I feel I don't know about you,
(06:04):
but like I sit down, you know,on New Year's or the week of New
Year's, whatever, coming up toit, off of that Christmas high
and um, I can't think of asingle thing like I did that I'm
like proud of, or a singlething right, like I lost 40
pounds last year and like it wasnot in my radar of like wins or
this right, because like I,never that wasn't my goal my
resolution, you know what I mean.
(06:25):
Like it just, yeah, it's soeasy to forget the wins, I guess
.
So this is why this year I mademyself a bingo board.
Of course you did, and what Idid was I sat and I was like,
okay, in a year from now, likewho do I want to be?
What do I want to actually seechange?
I wanted like tangible things.
I wanted to be in control of myhealth, because, you know me,
(06:46):
I'm a very passive participantin my health.
Oh, yeah, okay, what.
What does that look like?
And then I broke that into like24 different squares, and what
is any bingo board withoutincentives?
Let's be real, that's all.
Oh my God, you and I are sodifferent.
We couldn't be more different.
I know this probably stressesyou out, and this is keeping me
sane, right now, yeah, that'swild and so, like, I have a
(07:08):
bunch of things on it here, like, for instance, create a night
routine, then maintain a nightroutine, because, rather than
like trying to figure out whythe routine wasn't working, it's
like, nope, guess I just shouldstay up all night.
Night routines don't work forme, only have my morning routine
, and I know for my morningroutine, that's like not, that's
not it.
And so I'm going on thisventure with this and, like, one
of the huge things I'm tryingto take from it is that 12
(07:29):
months in a year, right, 24things that I would like to see
happen in this year Like it'sone that's very doable, but also
it feels wow, you don't have torush to do everything the first
month.
You know like, and I do havetime.
Yes, it's a whole year, and Idon't think I realized it until
bingo, you're bingo board.
Theresa (07:49):
Well, I think a lot of people too, like they'll give
themselves resolutions that arelike either like completely
unattainable and unrealistic andyou almost, like, without even
realizing it, set yourself up tofail.
Like for me, I have a lifewhere I'm all over the place
I've got two kids.
Like if my expectation formyself this year was to get to
(08:10):
the gym every single day andthen I miss one day, I'm going
to feel like I failed.
But if I say to myself, okay, Iam working in like buffers for
when I have a day that I can'tControl, if I have a day where I
wake up and I don't feel welland I'm like you know what my
body hurts, so bad I can't do myroutine, I can still get up and
(08:32):
walk on the walking pad.
Or like I think people need torealize that, like you can't
control every aspect of life andso when you're making
resolutions, you need to havebuilt in buffers so that you're
still Obtaining, like, the goalthat you're setting for yourself
, but in a different way.
Like it doesn't have to be sorigid and it doesn't have to be
so like this is what I said I'mgoing to do, there's no
(08:54):
compromise.
Like you have to give yourselfa realistic goal with everything
else you have going on.
Kristine (08:59):
I love that.
I don't know if you've everread Atomic Habits by James
Clear.
Honestly, I read the firstchapter.
I'm not even sure I've everfinished a book because I get so
much out of the first chapter.
Then he kicks my butt that I'mlike I can't read anymore.
That's on my bingo board.
People, just if you'rewondering, finish the whole book
.
Anyway, in the first he saysyou don't fail, your system
failed.
And I feel like that's exactlywhat you were talking to.
(09:20):
And you know me, I'm very rigidand so like having different
things that I can do in a nightroutine to put in right, or like
I can pick it up here, feels sogood and that's why I love my
morning routine so much.
Honestly, because I don'tpunish myself for the things I
don't do, or if it looksdifferent than the way I want it
to and you know me, that's abig character for me is that
(09:43):
like if it's not exactly the wayI see it.
I ended up crying on the floor.
Which true life story.
Theresa (09:51):
Yeah, that is very true .
Yeah, it's just like you haveto.
You have to have the buffersbuilt in.
And you know, even when I didthat for myself, I was able to
translate that to my kidsbecause, like, michael Jr is
nine now and he's so seriouswhen it comes to like, like has
to be this way, and I don't knowwhere he gets that from,
because he doesn't get that fromme, and he definitely doesn't
get it from Mike.
(10:11):
I'm like who's child are you?
Like?
What are you doing?
But like we just went on a tripand we came home and he's super
overwhelmed that he has allthis stuff he has to catch up on
and I was like you don't haveto do it the way that it's like
he's like no, I have to do itthis way.
I'm like no, you don't.
Like your teacher is building abuffer for you and we can do a
couple things at a time.
(10:31):
So I'm glad that I starteddoing this with myself, because
I was recognizing in him like ohmy gosh, he's stressing himself
out because he knows he has anunattainable goal, and so now I
have to like break it up for himand give him buffers to make
him realize like yo, cold, yourjets will get it done.
Kristine (10:52):
Well, it's so interesting too because, right,
I would say, on paper, you'reone of the most relaxed, like
kind of go with the flow people.
However, because your life isvery busy with, like being a mom
and content creator, podcastingall the different like hats you
wear, I find that, like you do,you like to check things off
the list, like complete aproject and then just like ship
(11:12):
it off.
And for nine years, michael Jrhas literally like watched you
model that and so it's.
I think it's so important tocall out you model what it is
like for your kids and you alsocan, as you learn and evolve,
teach them like there's a betterway to handle this Rather than,
like, staying up.
I'm still learning this, butI'm trying staying up all night
to like get quote unquote caughtup like there's not been caught
(11:33):
up in life.
You know Whether you took thattrip and loved it or you didn't
take that trip, you weren'tgonna be caught up in.
Like that's a hard life.
I feel like that's a reallyhard one, yeah.
Theresa (11:42):
It is because you, you give yourself an expectation and
you don't necessarily meet it.
So you have to adjust yourexpectations and I actually it.
I consider this like aparenting, when, like we've been
Telling Michael, because hegets so caught up in life and he
gets so busy where I'm like,okay, one of the things he
forgets is like his basic needsof like eating, and like all the
(12:04):
sun will be falling apart.
I'm like, are you hungry?
So, like I had a wholeconversation with him and I'm
like you need to really like youneed to focus on that, like
that's like your basic need.
And the other day in the car,like we were talking about it,
and he was like I did rememberlike that I started to get
hungry and I remember to eattoday and he like was sitting
there, his hands fold it and helooks so cute and he was like
(12:24):
I'm at least I'm trying, atleast I'm working on it, and I
was like that's it, that's all Iwant.
Like before, yeah, like beforehe would be so stressed out like
, oh my gosh, like I know that,like he'd be so overwhelmed, but
instead he was able to shifthis mindset and be like I'm
trying and I think withresolutions that's really all
that matters, like if you canget to the next year and sit
(12:47):
there and say, okay, I might nothave gotten to all my goals,
but I got to the buffers of mygoals and I.
Cabana (12:53):
Did better and better.
Kristine (12:54):
I'm one, but you know, and I love, I love that and
it's making sure that when youget to the Like, then like 20,
25, let's say right, when we'rein the same position, it's like
not about what you did on thepaper, right, it's like not
about the thing, it's also aboutjust like Remembering all the
things a lot happens in a year.
Being so present with like thatthere's 12 months in a year has
(13:16):
also helped me to slow down.
Hey, this happy moment happenedtoday.
Like I want to remember it nextyear, put it in the jar or,
like you know, just do somethingthat we're not clumping
everything based on, like theemotion right, because we talked
about this in the beginninglike the emotional high of the
holidays, whether that's ahigher or low for you, or like
something that's right there canlike kind of influence, right,
like, oh, I want to make thesebig changes and yeah and, like I
(13:38):
said, I think you're right.
It's like it's good to havegoals or resolutions, but how
you put them in your brain is soimportant.
Yeah, like you don't want to.
Theresa (13:47):
You don't want to focus so hard on your resolutions
that you don't recognize yourprogress.
Oh Ooh, like you know, like ityou might not have gotten there,
but you might have gottenhalfway there.
You might have gotten threefourths of the way there, which
you wouldn't have gotten thereif you didn't make the
resolution in the first place.
And you know, so you don't wantto time, you know, like not.
Yeah, you just might haveneeded more time.
Kristine (14:07):
Like who says that the time that you're giving
yourself one year is enough,like it might not be enough and
I mean I think, right, I've oneof the skills I'm really trying
to get better at is like justtime estimation, like how long
does something me?
And then like add time to itbecause, like life, but I love
that I would love to know likewe should look this up, like
Like who decide on resolutionsand why they come in new year,
(14:30):
why don't they come on yourbirthday, right?
Theresa (14:31):
Like I think, yeah, I actually want to know who it was
and if they made all theirresolutions.
Kristine (14:36):
That's what I want to know who came up with Resolution
.
I know, the HM Babylonians aresaid to have been the first
people to make New Year'sresolutions, some 4,000 years
ago.
Theresa (14:47):
I want to know.
The progress is what I want toknow.
Maybe I don't.
Actually we'll get all thisinformation about all these
things they accomplished andI'll be like shit you know we're
just gonna take it that like4,000 years ago and there's
still work in progress.
Like I can live with that.
Yeah, definitely 100%, becauseI think we all are a 100%.
(15:07):
We're never, we're never at ourend goal.
Kristine (15:10):
I feel like yes, and I think the hardest part is
realizing that there's no suchthing as being healed, there's
no such thing as Happy as adestination or you know, I've
been through therapy right Likethe reality of it is is it's
just like one big loop.
Theresa (15:26):
Go as I work in progress with, with everything,
and if you, once you acknowledgethat, I think you can let go a
lot of the burden and a lot ofthe stress because, like, even
like, just real quick when itcomes to like the boys and their
sports right, like they're veryathletic, they're very good at
what they do.
But, like as a parent, I'mnever gonna sit there and I'm
(15:47):
gonna praise them for the goodthings that they do, but I'm
never going to act like theycan't improve anymore.
I and that's a balance Like youwant them to recognize like you
are talented, but at the sametime, I'm like there is always
room for growth, always.
You can always practice more,you can always improve certain
aspects of your game and that'snot a bad thing.
It doesn't mean you didn'taccomplish anything.
(16:09):
It just means you can grow moreif you want to.
Kristine (16:12):
I knew that would get you fired up, but I completely
agree just on your comment thatwhere you are going, there's
always especially, I think, inthis like exploring your inner
self and really understandinglike what makes you tick and
understanding like how emotionsprocess through, and all that.
I think it's so important torealize like we're constantly
taking so much in in a way thatwe've never really had before,
(16:34):
like prior to like right Sevensecond videos and like internet
access in, and there's going tobe some changes right that we
like allow in for the wrongreasons and ones that like are
there because it's like hey,like you know, like I really
want to be able to do this,because I see the value for my
life and I think that's a goodthing to be constantly evolving
(16:54):
right, like definitely I wouldagree.
So do you have any last tipsfor anyone who maybe fell off
the resolution or potentiallydidn't even make a resolution?
Theresa (17:09):
Yeah, so, if you didn't make any.
That was me.
I didn't make mine right awaybecause I honestly didn't even
think about it.
If you didn't make any, justtake five minutes.
It doesn't take long.
Take five minutes and sit thereand think of things that you
want to accomplish and then lookat your life and give yourself
realistic expectations.
Do not set yourself up for someunattainable goal.
(17:33):
Set your goal small and then Ifeel like once you achieve a
small goal, you're more likelyto reach further.
Like, instead of saying thisyear I'm going to lose, let's
say, his weight loss, I'm goingto lose a hundred pounds.
That's a big number.
So say I'm going to lose 10.
Like, if you have a morerealistic goal for yourself that
(17:53):
you feel like you could get toin a quicker timeframe, once you
lose 10 pounds you're going tobe like holy crap, that really
was not that hard.
Let me shoot for 10 more.
Kristine (18:04):
So like whether you Good habits, like things like
that they stack up on top ofeach other just as easily as
negative things, right, but likeso much easier to like go down
the rabbit hole or like be inthe doghouse with something and
like be all the way in fact, andwe are to be like, wow, like
this one little thing stacked onwith this one little thing.
Next thing, I know I'm pastthat hundred, right.
Theresa (18:25):
And my last piece of advice is give yourself the
fricking cookie Like.
Give yourself the cookie Likeif you and what I mean by that
is like if you achieved yourgoal.
Like I always tease my husbandlike if he's home and he'll be
like I did the dishes today andI'm always like, do you want a
cookie?
Like I do that every day.
But like, seriously, if, likethat's what you need, give
(18:46):
yourself the cookie.
Like.
Give yourself the past on theback and be like I did that.
Like there's no shame inrecognizing what you did, what
you accomplished.
There's no shame in braggingabout yourself for a second and
being like I, fricking, did thatand I'm proud of myself for it.
So give yourself the frickingcookie, absolutely you aren't
good.
Kristine (19:05):
Check out our show notes for content and live
groups related to this topic.
We'll be back in your feedThursday for our first bite of
balance of season two.
Until then, mind your health.
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck,we're right at the palm of your
hand to help.
Check out our show notes forthis week's source list,
(19:29):
recommended content and cabanalive group schedule.
We'll catch you next week for abrand new episode of You're
Always Fine.
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to show up
for yourself and embrace themess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Kristine (00:27):
Welcome to season two of You're Always Fine.
The break was way too long, butI'm happy to be back behind the
mic creating space to not befine.
I'm your host, christine, andthis season my co-host is Teresa
Thomas.
Hello, hello.
Are we ready for this adventure?
I'm not sure we are?
Theresa (00:43):
I'm ready.
Is everyone else ready?
Is my question?
Kristine (00:46):
We have a lot of stuff that is going to be packed into
this season for you, but todaywe wanted to start off with
resolutions.
Now you might be saying, whyresolutions?
It's February, but that'sexactly it.
A lot of times we see this hugepush in January and then, come
February, it's like I'll tryagain next year.
Theresa (01:06):
Next year, 2025.
Kristine (01:09):
Actually I was just kidding, I was just joking
around.
I'm curious Did you set aresolution?
Theresa (01:18):
this year, teresa.
So for me I did, and some of myresolutions are going to seem
ridiculous, but for me, as a mom, one of my biggest resolutions
and actually now that we'retalking about it, I'm realizing
I'm failing miserably at it.
If I don't have somewhere to beoutside of my home, and even
sometimes when I do, I don'treally put that much effort into
myself.
(01:38):
If people see a video recordingof this, this really is like I
didn't complete my resolutiontoday, but one of them is to
actually wear the things thatare in my closet because it
seems small, but you do feelbetter about yourself when you
put a little bit of time.
I'm not talking like I mean I'ma mom so I don't have that much
time on my hands, but I'mtalking like an extra 10 minutes
(01:59):
so I don't look like an ogre.
Kristine (02:04):
So that's one of them.
Wait really quick on that one.
I think it's something so funnybecause, I agree, I don't know
if skincare actually doesanything for my skin and or if
I'm even putting on makeupcorrectly.
But I will say it's part of mymorning routine and those
minutes that are truly just forme it kind of sets the whole
tone of my day.
Theresa (02:25):
Yeah, it starts you off , this habit that I always fall
into and I'm still falling intoit.
I'm not perfect is I'll go andI'm like, okay, I have to shower
, so I'll take a shower and thenI will hop right back into
clean sweatpants and cleanpajamas.
But I'm like, what was thepurpose of that?
I still look like I smell, eventhough I don't Put on a pair of
(02:48):
jeans.
Kristine (02:48):
Lady, I will say, though, you at least have a
little bit more on me, becauseyou know I don't like to leave
the house point blank, period,and like COVID leggings, and
like people not being able tosmell me has like completely
changed the game, and I will say, like that's how I started
doing a morning routine.
(03:09):
I was like, because I I can'tlove being home this much and
not change anything.
But okay, give me some of yourother resolutions, because you
know I have a hot take onresolutions that I was coming in
, so go ahead so um, so I wouldsay I am being very good with
the gym, but that is a hard onefor me, because I'm usually good
(03:29):
with that.
Theresa (03:30):
So I didn't want to like make a resolution where I'm
like, oh, I'm like going to dosomething that's easy for me.
So my resolution is like, if Ican't get to the gym, which is
my favorite way to work out isactually getting out of my house
and going I'm committing to atleast moving my body in some way
, shape or form, whether that beat home, like I got a walking
pad.
Kristine (03:49):
I did notice that you finally came and got the walking
pad.
I did.
And because I'm like, I calledmy therapist.
Theresa (03:58):
Well cause I was like no excuses, like if it's cold or
it's snowing and I can't getthere, like I'm committing to
moving my body, so there reallyis no way for me to be like, oh,
I can't work out today, I can'tgo to the gym.
It's like no, pull your walkingpad out and walk on the walking
pad.
So that's another one.
Kristine (04:14):
I love it.
It's so interesting cause Ithink our brains do this thing
where it's like we're reallyhard on ourselves, like negative
self-talk and everything, butalso we are really good at like
creating reasons why potentiallywe could not achieve this and I
wouldn't call it grace becausewe pay for it some other way.
It's not like self-compassionI'm talking about here.
(04:35):
I'm talking about like, theways in which we trick ourselves
to like.
Theresa (04:38):
Oh yeah, we convince ourselves like no, this is
totally acceptable.
And in the back of your mindyou're like no, you're like
flaking on your resolution.
What are you doing?
Kristine (04:46):
Which is why I have a big problem with resolutions,
and here it is people.
I hate them.
I hate them because I thinkthat while they're great and I
know there's like an intention,when I've done the one word
intentions, I'm just like Idon't even know what to do with
this word.
This isn't even a goal or atask.
What do I do with that word?
So that didn't work for me.
Then it's like set resolutionsand you know me, I'm pretty
(05:10):
black and white, like I like todo something, and then it's like
I either did it or I didn't doit, and like that black and
white does not really lenditself, I'd say, to like healthy
habits or like goal changing.
You know what I mean.
Theresa (05:24):
Yeah, definitely, and I create a lot of pressure.
Kristine (05:26):
Yes, and I think that's why we see this February
like slump of like try againnext year, right, because it's
like, if you first of all anyoneelse feel like January was a
whole year itself, because I do.
Theresa (05:35):
Um, yeah, we're just going to act like January wasn't
around.
I don't know what happened inJanuary.
My life was just.
I don't know what that was.
Kristine (05:43):
There was 12 months in just this January 2024.
I don't, I don't really know,but so that is why this year I
did something different and Icannot we're going to have to
wait until next January for thesuccess.
However, I do believe it haschanged some of my mindset
around resolution because, also,I feel I don't know about you,
(06:04):
but like I sit down, you know,on New Year's or the week of New
Year's, whatever, coming up toit, off of that Christmas high
and um, I can't think of asingle thing like I did that I'm
like proud of, or a singlething right, like I lost 40
pounds last year and like it wasnot in my radar of like wins or
this right, because like I,never that wasn't my goal my
resolution, you know what I mean.
(06:25):
Like it just, yeah, it's soeasy to forget the wins, I guess
.
So this is why this year I mademyself a bingo board.
Of course you did, and what Idid was I sat and I was like,
okay, in a year from now, likewho do I want to be?
What do I want to actually seechange?
I wanted like tangible things.
I wanted to be in control of myhealth, because, you know me,
(06:46):
I'm a very passive participantin my health.
Oh, yeah, okay, what.
What does that look like?
And then I broke that into like24 different squares, and what
is any bingo board withoutincentives?
Let's be real, that's all.
Oh my God, you and I are sodifferent.
We couldn't be more different.
I know this probably stressesyou out, and this is keeping me
sane, right now, yeah, that'swild and so, like, I have a
(07:08):
bunch of things on it here, like, for instance, create a night
routine, then maintain a nightroutine, because, rather than
like trying to figure out whythe routine wasn't working, it's
like, nope, guess I just shouldstay up all night.
Night routines don't work forme, only have my morning routine
, and I know for my morningroutine, that's like not, that's
not it.
And so I'm going on thisventure with this and, like, one
of the huge things I'm tryingto take from it is that 12
(07:29):
months in a year, right, 24things that I would like to see
happen in this year Like it'sone that's very doable, but also
it feels wow, you don't have torush to do everything the first
month.
You know like, and I do havetime.
Yes, it's a whole year, and Idon't think I realized it until
bingo, you're bingo board.
Theresa (07:49):
Well, I think a lot of people too, like they'll give
themselves resolutions that arelike either like completely
unattainable and unrealistic andyou almost, like, without even
realizing it, set yourself up tofail.
Like for me, I have a lifewhere I'm all over the place
I've got two kids.
Like if my expectation formyself this year was to get to
(08:10):
the gym every single day andthen I miss one day, I'm going
to feel like I failed.
But if I say to myself, okay, Iam working in like buffers for
when I have a day that I can'tControl, if I have a day where I
wake up and I don't feel welland I'm like you know what my
body hurts, so bad I can't do myroutine, I can still get up and
(08:32):
walk on the walking pad.
Or like I think people need torealize that, like you can't
control every aspect of life andso when you're making
resolutions, you need to havebuilt in buffers so that you're
still Obtaining, like, the goalthat you're setting for yourself
, but in a different way.
Like it doesn't have to be sorigid and it doesn't have to be
so like this is what I said I'mgoing to do, there's no
(08:54):
compromise.
Like you have to give yourselfa realistic goal with everything
else you have going on.
Kristine (08:59):
I love that.
I don't know if you've everread Atomic Habits by James
Clear.
Honestly, I read the firstchapter.
I'm not even sure I've everfinished a book because I get so
much out of the first chapter.
Then he kicks my butt that I'mlike I can't read anymore.
That's on my bingo board.
People, just if you'rewondering, finish the whole book
.
Anyway, in the first he saysyou don't fail, your system
failed.
And I feel like that's exactlywhat you were talking to.
(09:20):
And you know me, I'm very rigidand so like having different
things that I can do in a nightroutine to put in right, or like
I can pick it up here, feels sogood and that's why I love my
morning routine so much.
Honestly, because I don'tpunish myself for the things I
don't do, or if it looksdifferent than the way I want it
to and you know me, that's abig character for me is that
(09:43):
like if it's not exactly the wayI see it.
I ended up crying on the floor.
Which true life story.
Theresa (09:51):
Yeah, that is very true .
Yeah, it's just like you haveto.
You have to have the buffersbuilt in.
And you know, even when I didthat for myself, I was able to
translate that to my kidsbecause, like, michael Jr is
nine now and he's so seriouswhen it comes to like, like has
to be this way, and I don't knowwhere he gets that from,
because he doesn't get that fromme, and he definitely doesn't
get it from Mike.
(10:11):
I'm like who's child are you?
Like?
What are you doing?
But like we just went on a tripand we came home and he's super
overwhelmed that he has allthis stuff he has to catch up on
and I was like you don't haveto do it the way that it's like
he's like no, I have to do itthis way.
I'm like no, you don't.
Like your teacher is building abuffer for you and we can do a
couple things at a time.
(10:31):
So I'm glad that I starteddoing this with myself, because
I was recognizing in him like ohmy gosh, he's stressing himself
out because he knows he has anunattainable goal, and so now I
have to like break it up for himand give him buffers to make
him realize like yo, cold, yourjets will get it done.
Kristine (10:52):
Well, it's so interesting too because, right,
I would say, on paper, you'reone of the most relaxed, like
kind of go with the flow people.
However, because your life isvery busy with, like being a mom
and content creator, podcastingall the different like hats you
wear, I find that, like you do,you like to check things off
the list, like complete aproject and then just like ship
(11:12):
it off.
And for nine years, michael Jrhas literally like watched you
model that and so it's.
I think it's so important tocall out you model what it is
like for your kids and you alsocan, as you learn and evolve,
teach them like there's a betterway to handle this Rather than,
like, staying up.
I'm still learning this, butI'm trying staying up all night
to like get quote unquote caughtup like there's not been caught
(11:33):
up in life.
You know Whether you took thattrip and loved it or you didn't
take that trip, you weren'tgonna be caught up in.
Like that's a hard life.
I feel like that's a reallyhard one, yeah.
Theresa (11:42):
It is because you, you give yourself an expectation and
you don't necessarily meet it.
So you have to adjust yourexpectations and I actually it.
I consider this like aparenting, when, like we've been
Telling Michael, because hegets so caught up in life and he
gets so busy where I'm like,okay, one of the things he
forgets is like his basic needsof like eating, and like all the
(12:04):
sun will be falling apart.
I'm like, are you hungry?
So, like I had a wholeconversation with him and I'm
like you need to really like youneed to focus on that, like
that's like your basic need.
And the other day in the car,like we were talking about it,
and he was like I did rememberlike that I started to get
hungry and I remember to eattoday and he like was sitting
there, his hands fold it and helooks so cute and he was like
(12:24):
I'm at least I'm trying, atleast I'm working on it, and I
was like that's it, that's all Iwant.
Like before, yeah, like beforehe would be so stressed out like
, oh my gosh, like I know that,like he'd be so overwhelmed, but
instead he was able to shifthis mindset and be like I'm
trying and I think withresolutions that's really all
that matters, like if you canget to the next year and sit
(12:47):
there and say, okay, I might nothave gotten to all my goals,
but I got to the buffers of mygoals and I.
Cabana (12:53):
Did better and better.
Kristine (12:54):
I'm one, but you know, and I love, I love that and
it's making sure that when youget to the Like, then like 20,
25, let's say right, when we'rein the same position, it's like
not about what you did on thepaper, right, it's like not
about the thing, it's also aboutjust like Remembering all the
things a lot happens in a year.
Being so present with like thatthere's 12 months in a year has
(13:16):
also helped me to slow down.
Hey, this happy moment happenedtoday.
Like I want to remember it nextyear, put it in the jar or,
like you know, just do somethingthat we're not clumping
everything based on, like theemotion right, because we talked
about this in the beginninglike the emotional high of the
holidays, whether that's ahigher or low for you, or like
something that's right there canlike kind of influence, right,
like, oh, I want to make thesebig changes and yeah and, like I
(13:38):
said, I think you're right.
It's like it's good to havegoals or resolutions, but how
you put them in your brain is soimportant.
Yeah, like you don't want to.
Theresa (13:47):
You don't want to focus so hard on your resolutions
that you don't recognize yourprogress.
Oh Ooh, like you know, like ityou might not have gotten there,
but you might have gottenhalfway there.
You might have gotten threefourths of the way there, which
you wouldn't have gotten thereif you didn't make the
resolution in the first place.
And you know, so you don't wantto time, you know, like not.
Yeah, you just might haveneeded more time.
Kristine (14:07):
Like who says that the time that you're giving
yourself one year is enough,like it might not be enough and
I mean I think, right, I've oneof the skills I'm really trying
to get better at is like justtime estimation, like how long
does something me?
And then like add time to itbecause, like life, but I love
that I would love to know likewe should look this up, like
Like who decide on resolutionsand why they come in new year,
(14:30):
why don't they come on yourbirthday, right?
Theresa (14:31):
Like I think, yeah, I actually want to know who it was
and if they made all theirresolutions.
Kristine (14:36):
That's what I want to know who came up with Resolution
.
I know, the HM Babylonians aresaid to have been the first
people to make New Year'sresolutions, some 4,000 years
ago.
Theresa (14:47):
I want to know.
The progress is what I want toknow.
Maybe I don't.
Actually we'll get all thisinformation about all these
things they accomplished andI'll be like shit you know we're
just gonna take it that like4,000 years ago and there's
still work in progress.
Like I can live with that.
Yeah, definitely 100%, becauseI think we all are a 100%.
(15:07):
We're never, we're never at ourend goal.
Kristine (15:10):
I feel like yes, and I think the hardest part is
realizing that there's no suchthing as being healed, there's
no such thing as Happy as adestination or you know, I've
been through therapy right Likethe reality of it is is it's
just like one big loop.
Theresa (15:26):
Go as I work in progress with, with everything,
and if you, once you acknowledgethat, I think you can let go a
lot of the burden and a lot ofthe stress because, like, even
like, just real quick when itcomes to like the boys and their
sports right, like they're veryathletic, they're very good at
what they do.
But, like as a parent, I'mnever gonna sit there and I'm
(15:47):
gonna praise them for the goodthings that they do, but I'm
never going to act like theycan't improve anymore.
I and that's a balance Like youwant them to recognize like you
are talented, but at the sametime, I'm like there is always
room for growth, always.
You can always practice more,you can always improve certain
aspects of your game and that'snot a bad thing.
It doesn't mean you didn'taccomplish anything.
(16:09):
It just means you can grow moreif you want to.
Kristine (16:12):
I knew that would get you fired up, but I completely
agree just on your comment thatwhere you are going, there's
always especially, I think, inthis like exploring your inner
self and really understandinglike what makes you tick and
understanding like how emotionsprocess through, and all that.
I think it's so important torealize like we're constantly
taking so much in in a way thatwe've never really had before,
(16:34):
like prior to like right Sevensecond videos and like internet
access in, and there's going tobe some changes right that we
like allow in for the wrongreasons and ones that like are
there because it's like hey,like you know, like I really
want to be able to do this,because I see the value for my
life and I think that's a goodthing to be constantly evolving
(16:54):
right, like definitely I wouldagree.
So do you have any last tipsfor anyone who maybe fell off
the resolution or potentiallydidn't even make a resolution?
Theresa (17:09):
Yeah, so, if you didn't make any.
That was me.
I didn't make mine right awaybecause I honestly didn't even
think about it.
If you didn't make any, justtake five minutes.
It doesn't take long.
Take five minutes and sit thereand think of things that you
want to accomplish and then lookat your life and give yourself
realistic expectations.
Do not set yourself up for someunattainable goal.
(17:33):
Set your goal small and then Ifeel like once you achieve a
small goal, you're more likelyto reach further.
Like, instead of saying thisyear I'm going to lose, let's
say, his weight loss, I'm goingto lose a hundred pounds.
That's a big number.
So say I'm going to lose 10.
Like, if you have a morerealistic goal for yourself that
(17:53):
you feel like you could get toin a quicker timeframe, once you
lose 10 pounds you're going tobe like holy crap, that really
was not that hard.
Let me shoot for 10 more.
Kristine (18:04):
So like whether you Good habits, like things like
that they stack up on top ofeach other just as easily as
negative things, right, but likeso much easier to like go down
the rabbit hole or like be inthe doghouse with something and
like be all the way in fact, andwe are to be like, wow, like
this one little thing stacked onwith this one little thing.
Next thing, I know I'm pastthat hundred, right.
Theresa (18:25):
And my last piece of advice is give yourself the
fricking cookie Like.
Give yourself the cookie Likeif you and what I mean by that
is like if you achieved yourgoal.
Like I always tease my husbandlike if he's home and he'll be
like I did the dishes today andI'm always like, do you want a
cookie?
Like I do that every day.
But like, seriously, if, likethat's what you need, give
(18:46):
yourself the cookie.
Like.
Give yourself the past on theback and be like I did that.
Like there's no shame inrecognizing what you did, what
you accomplished.
There's no shame in braggingabout yourself for a second and
being like I, fricking, did thatand I'm proud of myself for it.
So give yourself the frickingcookie, absolutely you aren't
good.
Kristine (19:05):
Check out our show notes for content and live
groups related to this topic.
We'll be back in your feedThursday for our first bite of
balance of season two.
Until then, mind your health.
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck,we're right at the palm of your
hand to help.
Check out our show notes forthis week's source list,
(19:29):
recommended content and cabanalive group schedule.
We'll catch you next week for abrand new episode of You're
Always Fine.
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