March 19, 2024 • 16 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to
show up for yourself and embracethe mess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Micro Stress, those subtle yet impactful daily
hassles that sneak up on youwithout you even realizing.
From minor annoyances to smallfrustrations, these
insignificant stressors can addup over time and affect your
well-being in various ways.
This week, we're uncovering thehitting cost of micro stress.
(00:48):
Welcome to, you're Always Fine,I'm your host.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Christine and I'm Teresa, so let's freaking get
into it.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
This should be good TT.
So I asked you to go ahead andlook up the definition of micro
stress.
Can you tell me what you found?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Sure so.
This is from Harvard BusinessReview.
Micro stressors are smallmoments of stress that seem
manageable on their own.
Think a vague, worrying textfrom your teen flashing on your
phone while you're in a meeting,or the appearance of a
colleague who always wants tovent to you, or having to tell
your team that the projectyou've all been grinding out
(01:22):
extra hours on is no longer apriority.
But these micro stresses aren'tas harmful as they seem.
Because they're so small andbrief, they don't trigger the
normal stress response in ourbrains to help us cope.
Instead, micro stress embedsitself in our minds and accrues
over time.
The long-term impact of thisbuildup is debilitating.
(01:43):
It zaps our energy, damages ourphysical and emotional health
and contributes to a decline inour overall well-being.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Well, that hit Right.
So when you were talking andsaying that, I have no teens,
but I could totally see that Forme like a cluttered desk or
things not being organized in myfridge anytime I get into the
car in general.
(02:11):
Oh, and a huge, huge microstress for me is my cell phone
notifications.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Oh, like if they're up, like if you have 225 emails
like my husband.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Oh, that's cute.
I have 52,000 on my rare email.
Oh stop.
So shout out to Apple for thefocus feature that takes those
red things off.
But that is like 100% sendslike a shockwave through my body
and when I say them out loud itkind of seems silly.
But I think that's exactly whatthe research above was kind of
(02:46):
saying.
Oh yeah, I think that it seemssilly in the moment, but there's
like a lot of high impacts onoverall health.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, yeah, because they build up and they stack on
top of each other without youeven realizing it.
And then, when you do realizeit, it's usually when you freak
the fuck out, like when you justlike lose your shit.
At least for me, that's reallyfunny.
Yeah, like I won't notice thatsomething's bothering me.
Like Mike and I had it out witheach other a couple of weeks
ago and before our argument Iliterally had said to him like
(03:17):
yo, look at me and you, we'redoing so good, like we haven't
argued in the longest time.
And then there was like acouple of things that was going
on with stuff at school withMichael Jr, and they
individually were not that bigof a deal, but they all happened
in January, within a couplelike a week or so of each other.
And so, mike, I started to getstressed out.
(03:41):
I started to email the teachers, the principals, whatever, and
then Mike was getting on me asif I was like being too much.
So we wound up getting a hugeargument and I wound up just
like exploding and he was like Ididn't know that you were this
upset and I was like I didn'teither, just like came out.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Well, and I mean that's why we, when we were like
discussing like titles for this, it's like I thought of like
dominoes, because I thought likeripples were just like I don't
know, but like you know, likethe domino effect, where it's
just like you start at one thingand next thing you know like
the whole thing is to the ground.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh yeah, and there's, there's, you know commonalities
and common buckets of microstress.
Where the sources are from, youcan get it from relationships,
environment, daily routines, andwhen something in that little
bucket is out of whack or youfill it too much, it's going to
spill.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And it's funny, like as my brain is kind of doing,
like the quick self analysis, asI mean I think everybody should
, but as a therapist I feel likethere's just me going like
getting information and thenlike my therapist's brain being
like well, now let's evaluatethat.
Like we're this into your life?
Yeah, but as it's likehappening, I know for me like my
environment and my OCD ticksare so intertwined and it's
(05:01):
amazing to me how physical spacecan affect my entire day or can
affect.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, like if you wake up and you're getting ready
to start work and your desk isa freaking mess.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Exactly so.
This morning, for example, thepodcast station felt off, or was
you know?
there was things on top of thedesk and I came downstairs and,
rather than just jumping into myjournaling or whatever, this it
was just I couldn't unsee it.
I hyperfix it, I becameobsessive, which then led to
compulsions of you know mefixing it and once it was over,
I didn't feel that stressanymore.
(05:37):
Right, I was ready to go forthis but it had, you know, a
domino effect and, likeenvironment, specifically like
this is going to sound silly,but my drawers, if I open my
drawer, and it's You're what Iknow, the drawer, I can't say
that word Drawer, drawer, youknow you sound like Harry now
the drawer.
You sound like Harry, you knowwhat I'm going to say
(05:58):
Congratulations, you sound likemy wife now.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
How have I known you as long as I have and not ever
knew that you said drawer asdrawer?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Because I try never to say the word ever.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
All right, tell me about your drawer.
Okay, I need to know.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So, mind you, everywhere in my house, in my
perfect world, would look likethis, but it's got the perfect
organizers and all of it is.
Think of a good ASMR likerestock video.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
That's all these two things on my nightstand.
They're what.
Oh my God, and I'm going topost a photo on social so
everyone can see what I'mtalking about.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
But when I guarantee you it's nicely organized.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh, it's insane and, like I said in, every single
thing is like filled to the brimand I have like a thing to
restock it and the amount oflike peace that brings me is.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Oh, I bet.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, and so when we're sitting here talking about
, like micro stress, I'm justlike, wow, like I get that.
I get that so so deeply in theenvironment, oh yeah.
And then also it's environmentslike energy, right, so if you
walk into a place and the energyis not good or you know, you
can tell there's just likepeople are tense and everything
and God has such an impact, likelittle bit has nothing to do
(07:13):
with me, can quite literallycause my rare disease to flare.
It's nuts.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yeah, it's crazy.
I mean even something like weall know that you and I are so
different and I, like you woulddie if you saw my cabinets, my
draws.
Like you would die because noneof that is organized at all.
And it's not that I like itthat way, it's just being a mom
and working and doing all thethings I do, you kind of have to
prioritize what you're going toallow to annoy you or stress
(07:41):
you out, and so those things Ijust I'm like, okay, I can't be
annoyed by them, but the dishesand it's my own fault Like I'll
leave them in there.
And I'm like I'm going to bestressed out if I wake up and
see them in the morning but Idon't feel like doing them right
now.
Or if I wake up late and now Iam rushing to get the kids to
school and so then everything'slike off, and then if I have to
(08:04):
skip the gym, it just adds onand all of a sudden I'm like,
okay, this day is ruined.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Done Well right.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
So hard.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
And again, because of the fact that it's not out or
at least still causing stress,or it's not exactly the same as
a stress cycle, right, becausethese micro-sresses aren't
initiating that same fight orfight cycle, so you don't have a
stressful day or something'sstressful in your life, but it
initiates a system within yourbody.
These micro-sresses aren'tdoing that.
However, your body remembers,your body absorbs it, and cell
(08:34):
memory is a thing, and so when Iwas doing the research for this
episode and I saw theenvironment, I felt so validated
in being like wow, it's notjust.
You know, christina has OCD,which she does, but there's just
no, in fact, that whateverthose triggers are for you, and
they don't have to be the samefor two people, right, you and
me are great examples of that.
We can walk into the same spaceand I could completely go into
(08:55):
fight or fight mode or whatever,and you would not be faced.
I just I did not realize.
I was shocked when I saw thebucket of environment in the
research but I was like, oh no,I gotta take the environment one
when we go over the points,because I'm like this is me to a
T.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Oh yeah, 100% yeah, and even things like a daily
routine, even for the kids.
Okay, they're getting to theage where I'm like I should not
have to hover over you for youto get your stuff done.
And in the morning they havecertain things that they need to
get done before school, andtoday they're watching TV I'm
assuming all their stuff is doneand then we're in the car and
(09:33):
I'm going over it and I'm likewait, I didn't see them do this,
I didn't see them do that.
And so I'm asking them did youdo this, did you do that?
And they're like no, and I'minstantly annoyed because is it
a big deal, the things that theymissed?
No, but the reason why I wantedto get them done was because I
had a plan for them after schoolthat they don't know about.
So I'm like, oh, now that isgetting pushed back.
So it is true, you try and seta daily routine for yourself in
(09:57):
order to make your day gosmoothly, but then, when things
don't get finished the way theyshould, even though it's not a
huge deal, it gives you awrinkle Like I would call it a
little wrinkle in your day.
That kind of just gives you alittle bump that you got to step
over, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, and when you were just talking about that,
the first thing in my head was Ithink kids are just macro,
micro, every bit of stress.
They're great, but right Likethey're a beast, they're yes.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
I work but you know, I love them dearly, but oh my.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Well, you know, because a lot of times micro
stresses are created because anexpectation wasn't met.
Yes and right, and thinkingabout it, like in all these
different sets like work right,or even you and me, we have
gotten into it how many timesbecause there was an expectation
set and one of us didn't meetit and no, it wasn't the end of
the world, no, we were able tobounce back.
The outcome of it wascompletely fine, but it had an
(10:54):
impact, an overall impact, onExactly Our days.
Are the person who took on themicro stress right?
Cause that's the thing about itis that if it wasn't something
that triggered your micro stressor didn't hit that way, you
just kind of go about your dayand wait for your micro stresses
to hit you, I guess.
So I just think that'sinteresting.
And also, when you talked aboutthe teen texting, I thought
(11:15):
about in general just how myphone can do that insta-stress
like insta-stress or a microstress where it's like I see
something and I'm just likeannoyed and I've texted you
before.
I've been like did you see thison social media?
Yeah, yeah.
Like so like.
To me, that's a perfect exampleof a micro stress that was only
in a brief moment in time inwhich something was annoying,
but it still was just annoyinglike lost time and energy to
(11:38):
that.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Oh yeah, 100%.
Even though they're smallthings, they add up.
I mean they really do.
Just think about it in avisually conceptual way.
You have a bucket, you havewater, the water is your micro
stress, right?
You pour a little bit in thebucket, not a big deal.
Little bit in the bucket,little bit in the bucket, little
bit in the bucket.
Eventually you're gonnaoverflow.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
No, eventually you take the bucket and you throw it
on someone.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, you just chalk it on someone and whoever annoys
the shit out of you.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
No, you don't even know.
It never ends on the rightsomeone but-.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
It never ends on the right someone.
That is so true.
You're always exploding andlooking like a psycho on the
wrong person.
And um, and then you have arelationship to fix and it's a
mess.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Right, and that's exactly where I wanted, because
the relationship bucket isactually exploding my mind right
now, because when you thinkabout relationships as a whole
family, friends, you know,partners and coworkers they are
so complex and they each requirethis individualized thing to
keep that healthy and maintainit right.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Or just to survive them because you have to and
depending on the situation.
Those are micro-stresses perrelationship that all go into
the bucket of micro-stress thatis relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
We're fucked.
Okay, so we established thatwe're royally fucked, but
there's got to be something wecan do about it.
So what do we do about it?
You're the therapist.
I've got no clue in thatdepartment.
So what the hell do we do?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, it's funny because I was thinking about,
like, what is going to be theactionable tool I have for this
thing that I feel like I'm justself-discovering here, but I
came up with the idea that youknow these micro-stresses.
To me, the biggest thing theydo is they deplete the reserves
you have emotionally andmentally and physically,
(13:22):
definitely.
And so I think, to tackle these,you have to identify them, you
have to know what you're upagainst.
And so go ahead, grab yourjournal and you're going to
create either like if you're abullet journal or a micro-stress
page, or if you are just aregular journal, or if you just
need to grab a piece of paperwhatever is your sense of
journaling and take a fewminutes each day for about a
(13:44):
week and jot down any minorstresses you encounter and
reflect on how they made youfeel and then the ripple impact
of it.
The primary, the tertiary andthen the last thing I want you
to do is record the ripplingimpact, like where that led to,
like the dominoes that fell, andthen what over of the three
(14:05):
buckets that falls in.
And why that part is soimportant is because it is so
much easier to think of threetools to use than it is to be
trying to deploy coping skillsfor every single individualized
micro-stress.
You would quite literallyprobably spend your lifetime
doing that, and so by kind ofthe last step putting into a
(14:27):
bucket, you can then say, okay,most of my micro-stresses are in
my relationships.
Let's target this first.
I'm going to prioritize gettingsome two to three coping skills
for this bucket.
So that's where I think weshould start.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I think that's good, because if you can't identify
which bucket your micro-stressand stress is stemming from,
like for me, I might havemicro-stresses in terms of
parenting and with my kids andif they're listening or whatever
, but if I'm not able toidentify that I might be picking
a fight with my husband for noreason just because he looked at
me the wrong way.
Well, right, and then you mighthave this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
If you deploy a coping skill to fix how I bite
Mike's head off, you're notfixing the root of the problem.
So you're going to be targetingand that's going to be great.
I'm sure something positivewill come out of it, but you're
going to see the after effectscontinue to happen because
you're not getting to the rootcause of what is the
micro-stress.
So yes, exactly.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Mike, if you're listening, we're trying to
employ the coping skills.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Okay, we're working on it.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It's a work in progress.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Oh, progress over perfection, that's it.
That is it for this week'sepisode of You're Always Fine.
Remember to tune in Thursdayfor our weekly snack size
therapy sesh.
Until then, mind your help.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck orright at the palm of your hand
to help check out our show notesfor this week's source list,
recommended content and cabanalive group schedule, we'll catch
you next week for a brand newepisode of You're Always Fine.
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to
show up for yourself and embracethe mess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Micro Stress, those subtle yet impactful daily
hassles that sneak up on youwithout you even realizing.
From minor annoyances to smallfrustrations, these
insignificant stressors can addup over time and affect your
well-being in various ways.
This week, we're uncovering thehitting cost of micro stress.
(00:48):
Welcome to, you're Always Fine,I'm your host.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Christine and I'm Teresa, so let's freaking get
into it.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
This should be good TT.
So I asked you to go ahead andlook up the definition of micro
stress.
Can you tell me what you found?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Sure so.
This is from Harvard BusinessReview.
Micro stressors are smallmoments of stress that seem
manageable on their own.
Think a vague, worrying textfrom your teen flashing on your
phone while you're in a meeting,or the appearance of a
colleague who always wants tovent to you, or having to tell
your team that the projectyou've all been grinding out
(01:22):
extra hours on is no longer apriority.
But these micro stresses aren'tas harmful as they seem.
Because they're so small andbrief, they don't trigger the
normal stress response in ourbrains to help us cope.
Instead, micro stress embedsitself in our minds and accrues
over time.
The long-term impact of thisbuildup is debilitating.
(01:43):
It zaps our energy, damages ourphysical and emotional health
and contributes to a decline inour overall well-being.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Well, that hit Right.
So when you were talking andsaying that, I have no teens,
but I could totally see that Forme like a cluttered desk or
things not being organized in myfridge anytime I get into the
car in general.
(02:11):
Oh, and a huge, huge microstress for me is my cell phone
notifications.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Oh, like if they're up, like if you have 225 emails
like my husband.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Oh, that's cute.
I have 52,000 on my rare email.
Oh stop.
So shout out to Apple for thefocus feature that takes those
red things off.
But that is like 100% sendslike a shockwave through my body
and when I say them out loud itkind of seems silly.
But I think that's exactly whatthe research above was kind of
(02:46):
saying.
Oh yeah, I think that it seemssilly in the moment, but there's
like a lot of high impacts onoverall health.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Well, yeah, because they build up and they stack on
top of each other without youeven realizing it.
And then, when you do realizeit, it's usually when you freak
the fuck out, like when you justlike lose your shit.
At least for me, that's reallyfunny.
Yeah, like I won't notice thatsomething's bothering me.
Like Mike and I had it out witheach other a couple of weeks
ago and before our argument Iliterally had said to him like
(03:17):
yo, look at me and you, we'redoing so good, like we haven't
argued in the longest time.
And then there was like acouple of things that was going
on with stuff at school withMichael Jr, and they
individually were not that bigof a deal, but they all happened
in January, within a couplelike a week or so of each other.
And so, mike, I started to getstressed out.
(03:41):
I started to email the teachers, the principals, whatever, and
then Mike was getting on me asif I was like being too much.
So we wound up getting a hugeargument and I wound up just
like exploding and he was like Ididn't know that you were this
upset and I was like I didn'teither, just like came out.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Well, and I mean that's why we, when we were like
discussing like titles for this, it's like I thought of like
dominoes, because I thought likeripples were just like I don't
know, but like you know, likethe domino effect, where it's
just like you start at one thingand next thing you know like
the whole thing is to the ground.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh yeah, and there's, there's, you know commonalities
and common buckets of microstress.
Where the sources are from, youcan get it from relationships,
environment, daily routines, andwhen something in that little
bucket is out of whack or youfill it too much, it's going to
spill.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And it's funny, like as my brain is kind of doing,
like the quick self analysis, asI mean I think everybody should
, but as a therapist I feel likethere's just me going like
getting information and thenlike my therapist's brain being
like well, now let's evaluatethat.
Like we're this into your life?
Yeah, but as it's likehappening, I know for me like my
environment and my OCD ticksare so intertwined and it's
(05:01):
amazing to me how physical spacecan affect my entire day or can
affect.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, like if you wake up and you're getting ready
to start work and your desk isa freaking mess.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Exactly so.
This morning, for example, thepodcast station felt off, or was
you know?
there was things on top of thedesk and I came downstairs and,
rather than just jumping into myjournaling or whatever, this it
was just I couldn't unsee it.
I hyperfix it, I becameobsessive, which then led to
compulsions of you know mefixing it and once it was over,
I didn't feel that stressanymore.
(05:37):
Right, I was ready to go forthis but it had, you know, a
domino effect and, likeenvironment, specifically like
this is going to sound silly,but my drawers, if I open my
drawer, and it's You're what Iknow, the drawer, I can't say
that word Drawer, drawer, youknow you sound like Harry now
the drawer.
You sound like Harry, you knowwhat I'm going to say
(05:58):
Congratulations, you sound likemy wife now.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
How have I known you as long as I have and not ever
knew that you said drawer asdrawer?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Because I try never to say the word ever.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
All right, tell me about your drawer.
Okay, I need to know.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So, mind you, everywhere in my house, in my
perfect world, would look likethis, but it's got the perfect
organizers and all of it is.
Think of a good ASMR likerestock video.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
That's all these two things on my nightstand.
They're what.
Oh my God, and I'm going topost a photo on social so
everyone can see what I'mtalking about.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
But when I guarantee you it's nicely organized.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh, it's insane and, like I said in, every single
thing is like filled to the brimand I have like a thing to
restock it and the amount oflike peace that brings me is.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Oh, I bet.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, and so when we're sitting here talking about
, like micro stress, I'm justlike, wow, like I get that.
I get that so so deeply in theenvironment, oh yeah.
And then also it's environmentslike energy, right, so if you
walk into a place and the energyis not good or you know, you
can tell there's just likepeople are tense and everything
and God has such an impact, likelittle bit has nothing to do
(07:13):
with me, can quite literallycause my rare disease to flare.
It's nuts.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yeah, it's crazy.
I mean even something like weall know that you and I are so
different and I, like you woulddie if you saw my cabinets, my
draws.
Like you would die because noneof that is organized at all.
And it's not that I like itthat way, it's just being a mom
and working and doing all thethings I do, you kind of have to
prioritize what you're going toallow to annoy you or stress
(07:41):
you out, and so those things Ijust I'm like, okay, I can't be
annoyed by them, but the dishesand it's my own fault Like I'll
leave them in there.
And I'm like I'm going to bestressed out if I wake up and
see them in the morning but Idon't feel like doing them right
now.
Or if I wake up late and now Iam rushing to get the kids to
school and so then everything'slike off, and then if I have to
(08:04):
skip the gym, it just adds onand all of a sudden I'm like,
okay, this day is ruined.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Done Well right.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
So hard.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
And again, because of the fact that it's not out or
at least still causing stress,or it's not exactly the same as
a stress cycle, right, becausethese micro-sresses aren't
initiating that same fight orfight cycle, so you don't have a
stressful day or something'sstressful in your life, but it
initiates a system within yourbody.
These micro-sresses aren'tdoing that.
However, your body remembers,your body absorbs it, and cell
(08:34):
memory is a thing, and so when Iwas doing the research for this
episode and I saw theenvironment, I felt so validated
in being like wow, it's notjust.
You know, christina has OCD,which she does, but there's just
no, in fact, that whateverthose triggers are for you, and
they don't have to be the samefor two people, right, you and
me are great examples of that.
We can walk into the same spaceand I could completely go into
(08:55):
fight or fight mode or whatever,and you would not be faced.
I just I did not realize.
I was shocked when I saw thebucket of environment in the
research but I was like, oh no,I gotta take the environment one
when we go over the points,because I'm like this is me to a
T.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Oh yeah, 100% yeah, and even things like a daily
routine, even for the kids.
Okay, they're getting to theage where I'm like I should not
have to hover over you for youto get your stuff done.
And in the morning they havecertain things that they need to
get done before school, andtoday they're watching TV I'm
assuming all their stuff is doneand then we're in the car and
(09:33):
I'm going over it and I'm likewait, I didn't see them do this,
I didn't see them do that.
And so I'm asking them did youdo this, did you do that?
And they're like no, and I'minstantly annoyed because is it
a big deal, the things that theymissed?
No, but the reason why I wantedto get them done was because I
had a plan for them after schoolthat they don't know about.
So I'm like, oh, now that isgetting pushed back.
So it is true, you try and seta daily routine for yourself in
(09:57):
order to make your day gosmoothly, but then, when things
don't get finished the way theyshould, even though it's not a
huge deal, it gives you awrinkle Like I would call it a
little wrinkle in your day.
That kind of just gives you alittle bump that you got to step
over, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, and when you were just talking about that,
the first thing in my head was Ithink kids are just macro,
micro, every bit of stress.
They're great, but right Likethey're a beast, they're yes.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
I work but you know, I love them dearly, but oh my.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Well, you know, because a lot of times micro
stresses are created because anexpectation wasn't met.
Yes and right, and thinkingabout it, like in all these
different sets like work right,or even you and me, we have
gotten into it how many timesbecause there was an expectation
set and one of us didn't meetit and no, it wasn't the end of
the world, no, we were able tobounce back.
The outcome of it wascompletely fine, but it had an
(10:54):
impact, an overall impact, onExactly Our days.
Are the person who took on themicro stress right?
Cause that's the thing about itis that if it wasn't something
that triggered your micro stressor didn't hit that way, you
just kind of go about your dayand wait for your micro stresses
to hit you, I guess.
So I just think that'sinteresting.
And also, when you talked aboutthe teen texting, I thought
(11:15):
about in general just how myphone can do that insta-stress
like insta-stress or a microstress where it's like I see
something and I'm just likeannoyed and I've texted you
before.
I've been like did you see thison social media?
Yeah, yeah.
Like so like.
To me, that's a perfect exampleof a micro stress that was only
in a brief moment in time inwhich something was annoying,
but it still was just annoyinglike lost time and energy to
(11:38):
that.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Oh yeah, 100%.
Even though they're smallthings, they add up.
I mean they really do.
Just think about it in avisually conceptual way.
You have a bucket, you havewater, the water is your micro
stress, right?
You pour a little bit in thebucket, not a big deal.
Little bit in the bucket,little bit in the bucket, little
bit in the bucket.
Eventually you're gonnaoverflow.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
No, eventually you take the bucket and you throw it
on someone.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, you just chalk it on someone and whoever annoys
the shit out of you.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
No, you don't even know.
It never ends on the rightsomeone but-.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
It never ends on the right someone.
That is so true.
You're always exploding andlooking like a psycho on the
wrong person.
And um, and then you have arelationship to fix and it's a
mess.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Right, and that's exactly where I wanted, because
the relationship bucket isactually exploding my mind right
now, because when you thinkabout relationships as a whole
family, friends, you know,partners and coworkers they are
so complex and they each requirethis individualized thing to
keep that healthy and maintainit right.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Or just to survive them because you have to and
depending on the situation.
Those are micro-stresses perrelationship that all go into
the bucket of micro-stress thatis relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
We're fucked.
Okay, so we established thatwe're royally fucked, but
there's got to be something wecan do about it.
So what do we do about it?
You're the therapist.
I've got no clue in thatdepartment.
So what the hell do we do?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, it's funny because I was thinking about,
like, what is going to be theactionable tool I have for this
thing that I feel like I'm justself-discovering here, but I
came up with the idea that youknow these micro-stresses.
To me, the biggest thing theydo is they deplete the reserves
you have emotionally andmentally and physically,
(13:22):
definitely.
And so I think, to tackle these,you have to identify them, you
have to know what you're upagainst.
And so go ahead, grab yourjournal and you're going to
create either like if you're abullet journal or a micro-stress
page, or if you are just aregular journal, or if you just
need to grab a piece of paperwhatever is your sense of
journaling and take a fewminutes each day for about a
(13:44):
week and jot down any minorstresses you encounter and
reflect on how they made youfeel and then the ripple impact
of it.
The primary, the tertiary andthen the last thing I want you
to do is record the ripplingimpact, like where that led to,
like the dominoes that fell, andthen what over of the three
(14:05):
buckets that falls in.
And why that part is soimportant is because it is so
much easier to think of threetools to use than it is to be
trying to deploy coping skillsfor every single individualized
micro-stress.
You would quite literallyprobably spend your lifetime
doing that, and so by kind ofthe last step putting into a
(14:27):
bucket, you can then say, okay,most of my micro-stresses are in
my relationships.
Let's target this first.
I'm going to prioritize gettingsome two to three coping skills
for this bucket.
So that's where I think weshould start.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I think that's good, because if you can't identify
which bucket your micro-stressand stress is stemming from,
like for me, I might havemicro-stresses in terms of
parenting and with my kids andif they're listening or whatever
, but if I'm not able toidentify that I might be picking
a fight with my husband for noreason just because he looked at
me the wrong way.
Well, right, and then you mighthave this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
If you deploy a coping skill to fix how I bite
Mike's head off, you're notfixing the root of the problem.
So you're going to be targetingand that's going to be great.
I'm sure something positivewill come out of it, but you're
going to see the after effectscontinue to happen because
you're not getting to the rootcause of what is the
micro-stress.
So yes, exactly.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Mike, if you're listening, we're trying to
employ the coping skills.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Okay, we're working on it.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It's a work in progress.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Oh, progress over perfection, that's it.
That is it for this week'sepisode of You're Always Fine.
Remember to tune in Thursdayfor our weekly snack size
therapy sesh.
Until then, mind your help.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck orright at the palm of your hand
to help check out our show notesfor this week's source list,
recommended content and cabanalive group schedule, we'll catch
you next week for a brand newepisode of You're Always Fine.
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