June 6, 2024 • 37 mins
Let's connect, click here to shoot us a text.
In this episode of 'You're Always Fine,' hosts Kristine and Theresa introduce a new segment called 'Unpack That.' Using conversation starter cards, they delve into personal topics such as human superpowers and feeling misunderstood. Theresa reveals her confidence and authenticity as her superpower while maintaining a strong stance on not giving a sh*t about others' opinions. Kristine shares her journey of finding peace and contentment amid life's chaos, indicating how her rare disease became a catalyst for self-acceptance. Both hosts reflect on their vulnerabilities and challenges, exploring themes of forgiveness, self-worth, and parenthood.
Cabana Pods offers a therapeutic experience through immersive reality, focusing on emotional resilience. Research shows that immersive technologies tailored to one’s needs can immediately positively change well-being, mood, stress relief, and mindfulness.
Learn more about Cabana pods at https://www.yourcabana.com/pod
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, or LinkedIn. Click here to check out Cabana.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to
show up for yourself and embracethe mess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I'm your host, christine, and I'm Teresa, so
let's freaking get into it, allright, so Titi, we're doing
something a little different.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I know you love change and we're going to call
this Unpack that, so I went intomy therapist bag of tricks.
Oh boy went into my therapistbag of tricks and picked out my
cards that are like conversationstarters.
I picked four random cards, andso what we're going to do is
I'm going to ask you a questionand you're going to answer oh
(00:58):
boy, and if you are listeningout there, if you would like to
answer the question as well, youcan go ahead and click that
text us in the top of your shownotes and submit your answer.
All right, you're on the hotseat, let's go.
I've got four cards spread outon my desk right now.
I want you to either likenumber or number two.
(01:18):
Okay, what is your?
I call them like humansuperpower, like just something
you're so good at that it shouldjust be considered a superpower
.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Oh man, not giving a shit, okay.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I can buy that the therapist in me though unpack
that.
What else do you want?
I don't know.
You don't like that, answer nono, I like that answer right,
but let's unpack that Not givinga shit.
Ok, so when you say not givinga shit, what goes either into
not giving a shit?
Right, like, how do youdetermine if a shit is given?
(01:56):
And do not use me as an example, because I know all of my shits
are given.
I've gotten so much better, butyes, you have gotten better.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I think in order to not give a shit, you have to be
confident, and I think that is astrong suit of mine.
It's so hard to talk aboutstuff like that, because then
people read into it and are like, oh, you're cocky or you're
this, and it's like, no, no, no,they're two very different
things.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
She's from Philly, Of course.
She's cocky With confidence,though, and not giving a shit.
Is there like a layer ofauthenticity to not like
Definitely?
Can you be, I guess,inauthentic and not give a shit,
or is that just like notself-aware then?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I mean I guess you could.
I mean I guess people could usethat as a way of like hiding
insecurity maybe.
But I think that's kind of hard, because when you don't give a
shit, you basically are like Iam who I am.
Take it or leave it.
If you don't like it, keep itmoving.
So I think it's kind of hard tobe inauthentic that way,
(03:00):
because not everybody likes that.
So, like I am well aware thatI'm not everyone's cup of tea,
Like I'm very aware of that andI'm fine with it, and you talk
with your hands, so that'sprobably why.
I do, and that drives peopleinsane it does drive people
insane.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
The amount of comments on social media I get
about talking with my hands.
It makes me want to do it more.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I was just going to say that is a lie.
The only time that I've everseen you do it and I know
exactly the type of content I'mgetting is where I feel like
you're not in control of yourlimbs.
Yeah, on purpose.
Yes, exactly, purposely flailing.
I was like, oh, I for sure knowwhat type of content that is.
It could be a series on yourTikTok.
Did you start like harnessing,I guess, that superpower of like
(03:45):
not giving a shit?
And what was the turning pointof of that?
Was it born out of insecurity?
Was it born out of acceptance?
Was born out of healing?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
To be honest, I don't really know.
I actually asked my parentsthis because I mean, you know
Owen, my son.
He is very much that way.
I mean he's six and he is justlike he don't care who he is,
who he is.
So I asked my parents that Iwas like, was I always like that
?
Or because Owen has always beenthat way?
And my mom told me that Ialways was just like that.
(04:12):
I marched to the beat of my owndrum.
I didn't really care what otherpeople thought.
So I don't know if part of thatis from being from a big family
and being towards the bottomand kind of like you have to be
that way.
I don't know.
I never really got into likegirl groups or like any of that,
like catty type stuff.
I was friends with a lot ofdifferent groups.
(04:32):
So to be honest, I don't know.
I think it's grown as I'vegotten older, because you learn
lessons and you learn how you'reperceived.
You learn whether things matterto you.
The older I get, I think, themore not giving of a shit I am,
because life is short.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
So Well, I think you've like summarized not
giving a shit with a bunch ofdifferent like things under the
Teresa umbrella of not giving ashit.
I also feel like there's acomponent of values, right.
I think part of not giving ashit has to be rooted in being
authentic and then also true towho you are, so that you can not
(05:11):
give a shit about the rest ofit Absolutely.
As it relates to Owen realquick, I find it fascinating.
Obviously, I got diagnosed withrare disease later than a whole
20, 21 years, like after he did, and he's grown up with this,
and I wonder if there is a link,though, between what you go
through like that and, again,this very bucket umbrella term
(05:33):
of not giving a shit, right?
Because I do believe, as I wasfaced with more challenges, I
had to start weaning away theshits I could give or the spoons
I could give to outside things.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
That's a good point.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I mean, yeah, he's been through so much, which is
also why it's heartbreakingwhenever I know that he's
struggling with being biggerthan the rest of the
kindergartners, or.
But there's also times where,like in that school play picture
you sent me he I wish that ourlisteners could see this photo
because, oh, it's the bestpicture ever he is like in this,
like I don't know snowmanSnowman, yeah, costume and he
(06:09):
just towering over thesekindergartners.
For sure it looks like a fourthgrader in a kindergartner line
and just like the amount of likepride he has in being him in
that space.
Yeah, but we're all human, sothere's going to be that flip of
it, right, and I think it'sgreat that you're helping him.
Give a shit about his emotions,if you will, right, but yeah,
but not give a shit about theoutside influences yeah, and I
(06:31):
think that's a big part of it.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Just because you're someone that doesn't give a shit
, it doesn't mean you don't givea shit about anything.
It just means that you know whoyou are and I don't give a shit
about the outside voices thattry and tell me I'm someone.
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
So here we are, folks , we have unpacked it.
It is while under the umbrellafor Teresa, her superpower is
not giving a shit.
There are so many layersSelf-awareness, values,
authenticity, and so that's atthe root of those things that
you find to be your superpowers,that living in your existence,
oh yeah, Living in yourexistence like purely in a way
(07:08):
that you know works for you,fits in your life and, you know,
stays true to yourself, yeah,and is authentic.
Yes, 100%.
All right, we're down to threecards on my desk One, two or
three.
One You're going to not like me.
What are you still trying toprove to yourself?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I feel like I'm in a job interview.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
If a job is asking you this on an interview, just
walk out.
They have zero boundaries andhave no reason to be this deep
into your mind.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I would say that I can do whatever I put my mind to
, because I mean, you know, mylife has shifted in so many
different directions and so manydifferent career paths and each
time it does that it's usuallyagainst my will, it's usually
not not part of my plan.
So I like sit with that andthen try and tell myself like
(08:05):
okay, this isn't what youplanned, but you can do it.
So I think I'm always trying toprove and I also think
sometimes like I'm doing reallywell in the social media space
right now, but at the end ofthis month I'm like I can do
better next month.
I don't know what that is.
I don't know if that's justlike a constant drive for
wanting to be better in thespace I'm in.
(08:26):
I don't know.
But I think just prove that Ican do it, that I can hit
whatever curveball is thrown myway.
I would say it that way.
All right Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Let's unpack that, okay.
So I heard a lot right there,and one of the things I heard,
though, is I am still trying toprove to myself that, even
without my career, I'm worthy of, maybe, recognition, I'm worthy
of validation, even if thisisn't, you know, as prestigious.
(08:56):
Or using my degree, yeah, Iwould say that makes sense.
I mean, you can push back, I'mno expert.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, it does In your life at least.
Say that makes sense.
I mean you can push back.
I'm no expert.
No, it does In your life atleast.
It is hard to go Like.
I mean it's interesting becausethe way people perceive social
media and stuff, a lot of peopleperceive it as not a lot of
work, easy, which cracks me upbecause I'm like well, if that
was the case, then why aren'tyou doing it?
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I mean, I will not lie, I think social media, much
like anything, right it's youcan't just put something up and
expect it to do well right.
There's so many components thatgo into a good post consistent
posting, you know.
And I think of when I first,you know, started my business
(09:39):
and stuff.
I really think I had thisdelusional idea that if, like,
if you put it on the Internet,they will come like the Messiah.
Not true, no.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So I mean, when you go from a career like I had, it
is hard to like.
I went from a career of savingpeople's lives and getting
called in in the middle of thenight when they're having a
heart attack and being the onethat helps with the team to save
them, to doing funny stuff onsocial media or sharing my
health journey or stuff likethat.
So it doesn't.
(10:11):
They're very different thingsand to me it's very difficult
sometimes to know that I camefrom this all the way up here
and making such an impact onpeople to like doing something
like this and it it's not.
It's hard to sometimes see thesame impact.
I know that I'm generating thatimpact, especially on the
(10:32):
social media side of sharingabout Owen and connecting with
other families.
So I know in that regard, butit doesn't read the same as the
job that I was doing before.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
A little bit sounds like I'm still proving to myself
that I'm enough.
I'm enough as a mother.
I'm enough as a mother who'snot going to have a big family
right Like I'm enough as a wife.
I'm enough as a person who Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I was so proud to be, like I'm a cardiovascular
specialist.
I loved saying it.
I loved what I did.
I don't when people ask what Ido now.
I'm like I do social media.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Well, like even the way you just said it, but like
just the way you said it, right,I think there is, I think
there's a shame aspect to it,right.
And also, I don't know aboutyou, but sometimes I get
embarrassed before I even get tothe part where I'm like oh yeah
, I have a decent platform.
You know I share about this,whatever have you.
It's just like, oh God, myfirst biggest fear is someone I
(11:30):
know will see it, and then I'vegot to listen to that Like to me
.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
I'm OK with every troll on the Internet.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
What I'm not OK with is the phone call that comes
like so you decided to sharethat in that way, or?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
oh, there's so many people now that see all my stuff
, that know me in real life andand.
But I'm glad that I don't givea shit, because that is what
would make it really hard.
I am the same way.
I will say I'm the same way Iam on social media as I am in
person, and you know that youknow me both social media and in
person.
Yeah, so, like I will say, Ithink that my, I am in person
and you know that you know meboth social media and in person.
Yeah, so, like I will say, Ithink that my, I am the same way
(12:03):
, but it just doesn't to me likewhat I do now doesn't carry
nearly as much significantweight as what I did.
However, many years ago fivenow, five years ago, I guess.
Okay, so, and you know thatboils back to it not being my
choice Right In the, in thebeginning of me starting my
social media stuff.
That was my choice.
I still have my career Right.
(12:24):
It never was supposed to be afull time thing for me.
Ever I never thought it wouldget like this.
I never thought it would throwme into so many different spaces
.
I never, I just never imaginedit.
I never imagined I would makemoney from it and it just you
know.
So it's a blessing.
I'm grateful because I'm notable to do my job before, but
it's.
It was not a choice of mine.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So I also hear I'm still trying to prove to myself
like that I can hit the curveball, that I can be resilient,
and yeah, last little note onthis is don't mistake your
feelings or your lack of beingable to control a shitty
situation for your competencywith it.
(13:06):
Right, don't mix your feelingsand the facts on that.
Right, because you're allowedto have your feelings about it
not being in control and you'reallowed to, just because you
have feelings about thesituation every time, does not
mean right.
That it equates to oh, you'renot, you know you're not moving
forward from it, or you're notRight, right, right.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
So that will be my last little bit on that.
Oh, okay, All right.
So this is my first for peoplethat don't know, ever therapy
session.
I've never even been in therapy.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Oh my Jesus, how are we 20 episodes in?
And I've never, I've neverknown this about you better, yet
never I.
I, oh my gosh like now, are yousurprised?
No, not, not even a little bit.
But I just feel like how, asjust I'm thinking of our journey
, I it's like a flat, you know,in the Barbie movie where she
like has her whole life fleshbefore, kind of thing.
Well, I also didn't see theBarbie movie, so okay, I can't
lie.
I just watched the first, likeno no, I watched on a plane,
(14:00):
okay.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Nope, you would be shocked if I was like Christine.
I just watched the Barbie movie.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I mean, I'd be like so which one of your like uh,
you lost the bet.
Or one of your sons?
One of your sons likes a girland that's why, or something.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yeah, yeah no.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Of our friendship is happening in my head right now.
That was the whole point and Iwas just like, oh my God, like
one, I'm a therapist.
Two, she's 100% right.
Like I'm not surprised andthree in your head.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You're like this chick needs to go see somebody.
Yep, I was just like wait asecond.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
How do I say this nicely?
No, not even nicely.
I'd be like oh, I know I wascrazy when we worked together
back then before I like reallytried to like figure some stuff
out for myself, but damn, ittakes two.
I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
It does.
Well, that's your turn now.
I'm switching it.
I'm out of the hot seat.
I'm not doing it.
No more.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Here is, unpacked, christine's version.
She's been in therapy since 16.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And she doesn't have a therapist on the other end,
she has just me.
So we're just who has alwaysbeen someone who calls me right
out and makes me feel realcomfortable.
All right, I got two questionsfor you.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So pick one or two Odd numbers, so we'll go one and
get it over with.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Do you think you are misunderstood?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Oh God, yes, I think I've been misunderstood my
entire life, which is why Ithink the catalyst for anything
in my life now, that is, peace,contentment and balance, was
chaos in terms of my raredisease, because it finally gave
me that rare label was soincredibly healing for me to be
able to not silo it You're toosensitive, you're too loud,
(15:38):
you're too this, your kindnessis fake.
For so long it was so importantto me that I came off genuine,
that you knew I was genuine,that everything that I value you
knew about me, and I think mybiggest growth moment has been
that it does not matter howpeople choose to perceive you.
(16:01):
That's a them thing, not a youthing.
So let them right.
Let them be wrong about yourskills, let them be wrong about
your struggles, let them bewrong about your kindness.
As long as I like, stick to whoI am, and I know that I put my
head on the pillow knowing I didthe best I could with what I
(16:22):
had at the time.
I'm okay with beingmisunderstood now and I think
it's more of something that Iwear as like a badge of honor.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You know part, that's what I hear.
You know what?
What I hear there?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
It's really true.
Anyone can be a therapist, guys.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
What I hear there is that you are starting to cross
over the bridge and enter intonot giving a shit land.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I would love you as my therapist.
You want to know why?
Because everything would comedown to you know how like some
therapists will go, likemeditation, meditation,
meditation or like all theselike kind of like catchphrase,
like therapist thing.
How does that make you feelYours?
1000% would be like the worldof not giving a shit and all of
its like substrates andeverything.
(17:08):
I love this for you becausewhen we were talking about this
and when that question, I waslike this little shit is going
to get away with everythingfalling under not giving a shit.
Cause I was like ready to pushback, is going to get away with
everything falling under, notgiving a shit.
So I was like ready to pushback on you hard.
And here you are in my questionbringing it back, and I'm like
shit.
That's yes, essentially right,At the most condensed form it's
having a full circle moment afull circle moment of every.
(17:31):
You know all the self-help booksyou read.
People, you need none of them.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
None of them.
But OK, do you think you got tothat, like, do you think you
would have gotten to the momentof really just accepting who you
are and not really allowingpeople to have their perceptions
?
Would you have gotten therewithout your rare disease, or do
you think that is whatpropelled you to get there and
why?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Absolutely not.
I really do believe that myrare disease was the key factor.
I think there's moments in yourlife that honestly change and
put you on the right course.
Right, definitely.
And sometimes they're reallysmall and they're very
reversible.
Right, it's not always a deathor this, and for me it was the
(18:14):
decision to not go to PA schooland to pursue social work, a
field I knew nothing about,coming from a family who for
sure did not believe indepression or any mental health.
You know, that was just not not.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, that was the time too.
Yeah, exactly A hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
So that is like one small moment right that, I think
, put me on this path ofrealizing one.
Just how scary it is in my ownbrain and it was not a therapist
or whatever it was the easiestway in my opinion, right, when
you're passively consuminginformation for another reason,
right.
So I was in school trying toget this degree.
It was enough degrees awaywhere I'm like, oh my gosh, we
(18:49):
have an enmeshed family.
Oh my gosh, not every singlething, but enough things started
to open up the doors.
So that was the first one.
I think the next moment I wouldcall out in this whole journey
would be choosing to marryCarrie.
Unfortunately, I don't believethat would have been enough,
though I think it would have putme in the space of breaking the
(19:10):
quote, unquote rules or, youknow, living more authentically,
but I think there would havebeen so much shame and lack of
that acceptance.
So it's like awareness andacceptance and then tools and
stuff Just deciding to marryCarrie while an act of rebellion
in my Catholic Republicanfamily and to what my internal
structures and narrative were,it wouldn't have been enough.
(19:31):
I think I would have lived justunder the radar, if that makes
sense, as opposed to steppinginto my power.
I think I would have shrunkmyself, and so I think, while I
think would have been very happy, within my marriage, it would
have been a very closed space.
So, without a doubt, I don't seehow I get here without being
sick, and, in true Christinefashion, I like to control
(19:53):
everything and whatever, and Ifeel like the universe sometimes
puts things in your way orgives you something because
you're not going where you'resupposed to go.
Right, it's like okay, well,you're clearly not getting the
message.
So here we are, we're going toliterally make it so that your
body stops.
We're going to get this messageto you and so, yeah, that's my
(20:15):
unpacked misunderstood, whichwould have been very different
if you probably asked me maybe ayear and a half ago.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, I think that also segues us a little bit to
my next question, because I knowwith being misunderstood, it
depends on how someonemisunderstands you, but there
can be a lot of hurt theredepending on how people perceive
you misunderstand you.
So do you, with yourexperiences of feeling
(20:42):
misunderstood and all of that,do you consider anything
absolutely unforgivable?
Speaker 3 (20:47):
The rigid part of me, the part that lives by rules
right, lives by rules so youdon't get hurt.
Lives by rules because youdon't know how to make healthy
boundaries, you know, cutsyourself out.
I mean, you know, you know howI just retreat and stuff, and so
I think for so long, theunforgivable thing really had to
(21:08):
do with, like loyalty andconsistent.
You know what I mean.
All these things internally,that, yes, they mean so much to
me, right, but you can't expectyourself and every single other
person, you can't expect peopleto mind read and I have become a
better communicator aboutcertain things, I'm a great
communicator.
If everything is in the land ofyou, you, you, in terms of like
, I will give to you, I willpour you, I will listen to you
(21:31):
and I will even listen to yourcomplaints and I will try to fix
.
You know that type of stuff.
But when it comes, oh, I have anissue with you or I bring
something up and I can't, I feelmisunderstood.
Immediate anxiety comes likerushing in and therefore I just
want to retreat Like nope, let'sjust stop the conversation,
because I don't, I don't knowhow to get this out, and all of
this is a long way to say that Ithink where I stand on
(21:53):
unforgivable is you never knowwhat you're going to decide when
your back's against the wall.
You never know what you'regoing to decide when your back's
against the wall.
You never know what you'regoing to do with the cards
you're given in that very moment, with what you know at that
very moment, right, not a futureversion of you or a past
version of you, just that verymoment.
But I think, when it comes tounforgivable, because of that
confrontation stuff and how muchI hated it I gave forgiveness
(22:14):
for every single thing so easily, and now I think that I don't
believe anything is unforgivable.
I think it's the relationshipreally matters, right, and I
think forgiveness is something Ido for you and I care less
about that.
So, no, nothing is notforgivable because I have been
(22:38):
working on channeling my energyinternally.
So what do I need to forgivemyself for, right?
So what do I need to also do?
To respond appropriately andeither let go or work through.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Think that in situations, because what I hear
there?
I'm never that something mightbe done to you that's possibly
unforgivable and you're lookingat how you can respond in an
approach.
Do you think that, like there'sinstances where you should not
have to check yourself and youshould be able to respond how
(23:16):
you feel?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
so when I say check myself, I mean not so much like
in terms of appropriate or forthe other person, but more so,
how will my response put meforward vulnerably, like because
I know about myself that I'mtoo forgiving.
I know that.
Like if you have done somethingthat really hurt me or you
ghosted me.
Or, for instance, if you reachout to me and maybe you haven't
(23:38):
done right, maybe you know youghosted me.
Or, for instance, if you reachout to me and maybe you haven't
done right, maybe you know youghosted, maybe you weren't, you
didn't show up when I needed youto around something.
And then you, you come into mylife, right, I, and you know
this.
You yell at me all the time.
I have a tendency, right Ofjust to like, accept whatever
that is and just and accept thatlow bar.
And so now what I found is foragain, forgiveness is for you.
(24:00):
You need me to forgive you sothat you feel better.
Right, but what am?
What do I need for me to let goof it?
So I'm not carrying it, and howdo I safeguard myself?
So recently my mom, my sister,went to a baby shower and there
were people there that we werevery close to at one point.
And then there were.
We had our first hiccup when Igot in and like a lot of feeling
(24:21):
like they were entitled toinformation and just kind of
like treating me really poorly,and I forgave that right.
When they came around, Iforgave that and then my sister
got married in 2020 with apandemic, her wedding got
canceled and she really cut allof her wedding stuff, like
slimmed it out, and they werevery hurt about being part of
that slimmed out thing, but itwas really just whatever,
(24:43):
despite that having nothing todo with me, right, like that has
nothing to do with me.
They like stopped talking to mebecause of the choice my sister
made, the point being they wentthere and my mom, my sister, are
very good about like.
They can say like hi and becordial and truly, and that be
it.
But if they said hi to me, Ifeel like I would have then been
like how are you?
Is every like?
You know?
I would have like extended thatand I think that would have
(25:06):
left me in a vulnerable placeand not that I don't want to
forgive, but like me not goingto that shower saved me that
energy in the future or saved methat negative residual thing of
cleaning, you know up orextending forgiveness so you can
forgive?
Yeah, you can forgive, but besmart about it Exactly and I and
(25:29):
it sounds weird, but Igenuinely believe forgiveness,
right, is for you, right?
Or it's for me, because ifwe're working through it
together, right, I don't thinkthen that's an unforgivable
situation.
I can honestly say there'snothing that Carrie can do, and
I've really, me and my mom, havehad like long hour long talks
(25:51):
on like nothing she can do.
That I can truly believe isunforgivable.
You know, as long as we come tothe table, as long as we show
up for each other, and she'slike, even if you cheat, if,
even if she cheats and I wasjust like, yeah, I think that
I'd want to first dissect, youknow what got her to that point.
I miss, like, were you trying toget my attention?
I think we use cheating as like, oh my God, the ultimate sin,
(26:12):
or abortions or this, or youknow, like we use these things
as like, oh my God, like we'regoing to chastise people.
But you know, again, I thinkwhen you're back against the
wall, you you do the best youcan with your emotional I don't
know.
And so, yeah, obviously I havea complicated relationship with
forgiveness.
That's what I got.
I'm glad I'm not the only onethat got complicated today.
Man, and when you first said itI was like, oh, I've got a great
(26:33):
answer to this.
And you know, three minutesinto this answer, I'm like I
don't even know what I said.
You got flustered, I feel.
Yeah, I got to bring that backto the journal.
All right, titi, we've got twoquestions left.
How about this?
Ready, we will, you'll pick oneand then we'll answer the last
one together.
Okay, two.
In what ways have you changedin this recent era of your life
(26:57):
that you do not like?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It's a little bit harder for me to be satisfied in
terms of what I accomplish, andI think that stems back to what
we talked about about my careerchange and stuff like that.
Back to what we talked aboutabout my career change and stuff
like that.
I don't like that.
I'm constantly feeling like Ineed to do more, like I felt way
(27:20):
more satisfied in my priorcareer than I do in this one,
and I don't know why, but Ithink I don't really like that
because I'm also someone thatreally likes to chill and to
relax.
I think because social mediacan be whenever you want to do
it.
You're always feeling like well,I could be making content right
(27:42):
now and I could be changing mycourse of like where I'm going,
but because I'm taking time andrelaxing, I'm missing out on
that, whereas like when you havea standard job, like I had
before, it was like OK, clock in, clock out, unless you're me.
Yeah, I mean like I don't.
(28:04):
So I don't like that aboutmyself is that it's harder for
me to relax because I feel likeI'm not being lazy but I'm not
taking every opportunity, andwith social media and stuff like
that, it's like everyopportunity is 24 hours a day,
and that's just sustainable.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
It's really interesting that you say that,
because back in oh my God, it'scrazy it's been two years, may
of 22.
You came to me after two yearsof working together and you were
just like I don't want you tohate me, but I need to step away
because I'm not present for youand and rare and where we want
to build, and I'm not presentfor my family and I don't.
(28:35):
I don't like that about myself,I don't like this place that
I'm in and you know, I think Ithink the internet wanted some
like villainous, like story line.
Um, but I think in general again, like there was you approaching
me and wanting out, like to methat was a great strength and
(28:56):
brave, you know, a bravery, andto also do it in a way, in my
opinion, that was honest andvulnerable and not just like
ghosting, or you didn't justacknowledge, I guess.
Also, you acknowledged, I think, that you weren't being present
anywhere, right, yeah, I wasn't.
And so I'm bringing this upbecause when you said that, it
(29:17):
sounded a little bit like thisidentity, like this figuring it
out is like taking you away fromthe present, or I think that's
always been your problem withsocials.
You know, blog writing.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Because everything is right at your fingertips and so
you know you could be missingout on something by not
responding to a comment orwhatever.
And it's like it's easier tobalance because both the kids
are in school but they're aboutto be home for the summer and in
my kids' minds you'reaccessible because you're home,
like if you're at an actual jobIn your kids' minds.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
screw that In my wife's mind.
I hate school breaks now thatI'm not working in the school,
because when she has off shegenuinely just has no
comprehension of like work beingquiet.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Like you can record anything.
Yeah, mike's the same way.
It's like, well, you're here.
I'm like, well, I work here.
So, yeah, I think it's hard andI think this summer is going to
be, you know, a balancing actfor me, but I'm going to do it
because that's how I've alwaysbeen.
I just I figure it out, butit's, I want to be able to be
like no, I can put my phone downat work all the time because I
(30:23):
don't need to questions.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
So I think it's so funny that therapeutic process,
or when you start to unpackthings, you see all these links
right.
What seemingly seems far apartare all these links Cause we we
talked in the beginning aboutthat enoughness, right, feeling
enough, feeling content, thatstate of peace it's.
It's crazy we're all upsetabout control, but that state of
peace is something we can giveourselves.
Yeah, but there's a ton ofmental work that has to go into
(30:51):
it, right, and you're not goingto like me saying this, but of
course you'll always figure itout Like of course you're always
fine.
Those are different thanprocess your emotions.
I feel like, since I've knownyou, I've been like stop
minimizing your emotions everysingle time you approach them,
especially around your career.
I think, right, when you go outwith friends and you feel sad
like you're, like I feel guiltythat I feel sad so many like
(31:14):
beliefs and judgments on yourown feelings.
Don't worry folks, she's alsoprobably judging you on your
feelings, but not harsher thanshe's judging herself on her
feelings.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I will say I am rough on myself in that department.
But I think, because I know I'mrough on myself in that
department, I make a consciouseffort with the boys, especially
because they're boys andthere's this narrative like oh,
boys don't cry, they do.
So I try and make a reallystrong effort with them to let
(31:46):
them know that it's okay to feelhow they feel, it's okay to be
angry.
Obviously, when you're angry,you got to curb.
Curb that and not like act outon it.
I tell Owen that all the timebut I know that I lack in that
area for myself.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
So, with the boys mom's trauma, dad's trauma, all
their values and everythinggrowing up and then you get
there and you're like what am Inot going to do to you that was
done to me?
What am I going to do extra foryou?
(32:18):
Right, and it's like you haveto balancing that all out.
I always feel that parentsdon't do this enough, because
our focus is always on the kids.
But the best thing you can dois figure out yourself, know
yourself, know what thoseemotions are, what they're
signaling for you, and processit on your own, so that you're
not putting that on your kids.
But thank you for coming to myTED talk.
All right, I think this is agood last question.
(32:39):
Before you do the question,though, give me the age when,
growing up, that you felt mostvulnerable.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
I would say maybe like seven.
Okay, I would say seven, andthe only reason why that sticks
in my mind is because I got areally bad haircut from my
sister when I was seven.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Seven how old?
Like you're, second grade,right, you are like first or
second.
When I was in the first grade,I got a really freaking bad
haircut from.
We called her I don't know MimaTilly.
I don't know what the hell hername was.
I can't remember which one washer name and which one was the
my, my grandpa's second wife.
(33:21):
Anyway, she wanted to be ahairdresser and my mom thought
it was a great idea to give hermy hair.
I just feel like we like unlocksomething, though TT.
Both of us have really reallyreally long hair that we don't
let anyone touch, and I don'tknow.
I feel like we're having a veryshared experience here.
But go ahead Tell me about thishair.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Well, that's why I feel like I was the most
vulnerable, because and I don'tknow maybe that's where I had to
like buck up my confidence,because I mean, I had this long,
beautiful hair and she cut itup to my eyeballs Like I had a
bowl cut.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I just can't believe you had a bowl cut.
Ok, just so you know what we'regoing to do in this episode.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
We're going to find a picture.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I'm going to find a picture.
You're going to find a picturewe're doing side by side.
I kid you not Horrible Bowl cut, it was just like weird, like
yeah, don't touch it as adults.
And again, another one of thosemoments where you can spend so
much time with someone and allthis right, but like not know
these things.
We've always known, weconnected and stuff, but like oh
(34:17):
my gosh.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Yeah, no, chopped it all off and I got made fun of so
bad.
I was called a boy and then, ontop of that, I had a horrible
like.
Instead of a rolly school bagbecause they were in, my grandma
got me a rolly suitcase but Iwas like, whatever, I'll use it.
So I got made fun of that.
I made fun of my hair okay.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Well, are you ready for the question?
What I know, you thought thatwas the question, but I'm gonna,
I'm gonna.
If you could go back and tellthat seven-year-old girl
something, what would you tellher?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
to get through to her that hair grows back and that
if someone is making fun of youit's only a reflection of
themselves.
Because I don't think kidsrealize that.
I mean I realize that obviouslyas an adult, because if you
internally feel the need to bemean to someone else, you're
lacking something, you'resomething's missing within you
(35:08):
or you've got some scars thereor whatever, because you know we
all make mistakes and we allmay do things that are nice, but
actually making fun of someonetakes a conscious effort to be
like malicious, and I think thatif you were like I could never
purposely be malicious tosomeone, like it would not, like
I wouldn't do it out ofintention, and I think when
people do do that it's becausethey have some deep wound.
(35:30):
But kids don't understand thatand so I would tell myself as a
kid, like if they're making funof you it's a reflection of
themselves.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I really love that because I'm sure my mom said
that my whole life.
But I was 26 when my mom saidto me you know, what people say
about you is none of yourbusiness, and I was like really
taken back by that.
But essentially I was likereally taken back by that, but
essentially I feel like that itwas the way that it clicked for
me that what you're just saying,right, like it's not about you,
(36:02):
right, and it's none of yourbusiness to know someone's
opinion about you, because mostlikely, if it's an opinion
that's behind your back or it'san opinion that's nasty and mean
, it has nothing to do with youand for sure has nothing to do
with that person wanting yourbest interest or wanting your
growth right, because then theycome to you.
That's feedback, right, and youdon't have to take everybody's
feedback.
It depends on who's coming from.
All that good stuff.
But I love that.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Okay, so that is all for my first and last therapy
session.
We did it for everyone else toexperience, but I think that is
enough for me today oh my gosh,I love that so much.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Tell us what you thought about this type of
unpack episode.
Do you want to see more of it?
Would you like to have itreleased as bonuses?
Because I think it could besuper helpful.
You can submit your questions.
We can answer them along withyou.
Well, I think it could be a newsegment tt I think so too.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I too.
I think it's fun, it'sunexpected and I think it's real
raw and rare Until next timeyou're always fine.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck,we're right at the palm of your
hand to help.
Check out our show notes forthis week's Sourceless
Recommended Content and CabanaLive Group Schedule.
We'll catch you next week for abrand new episode of You're
(37:22):
Always Fine.
Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to
show up for yourself and embracethe mess that lives underneath.
Because, let's be real, it'sexhausting always being fine.
So grab your headphones andallow yourself to listen, laugh
and even cry, because you arenot alone.
And we aren't always fine, andthat's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I'm your host, christine, and I'm Teresa, so
let's freaking get into it, allright, so Titi, we're doing
something a little different.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I know you love change and we're going to call
this Unpack that, so I went intomy therapist bag of tricks.
Oh boy went into my therapistbag of tricks and picked out my
cards that are like conversationstarters.
I picked four random cards, andso what we're going to do is
I'm going to ask you a questionand you're going to answer oh
(00:58):
boy, and if you are listeningout there, if you would like to
answer the question as well, youcan go ahead and click that
text us in the top of your shownotes and submit your answer.
All right, you're on the hotseat, let's go.
I've got four cards spread outon my desk right now.
I want you to either likenumber or number two.
(01:18):
Okay, what is your?
I call them like humansuperpower, like just something
you're so good at that it shouldjust be considered a superpower
.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Oh man, not giving a shit, okay.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I can buy that the therapist in me though unpack
that.
What else do you want?
I don't know.
You don't like that, answer nono, I like that answer right,
but let's unpack that Not givinga shit.
Ok, so when you say not givinga shit, what goes either into
not giving a shit?
Right, like, how do youdetermine if a shit is given?
(01:56):
And do not use me as an example, because I know all of my shits
are given.
I've gotten so much better, butyes, you have gotten better.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I think in order to not give a shit, you have to be
confident, and I think that is astrong suit of mine.
It's so hard to talk aboutstuff like that, because then
people read into it and are like, oh, you're cocky or you're
this, and it's like, no, no, no,they're two very different
things.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
She's from Philly, Of course.
She's cocky With confidence,though, and not giving a shit.
Is there like a layer ofauthenticity to not like
Definitely?
Can you be, I guess,inauthentic and not give a shit,
or is that just like notself-aware then?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I mean I guess you could.
I mean I guess people could usethat as a way of like hiding
insecurity maybe.
But I think that's kind of hard, because when you don't give a
shit, you basically are like Iam who I am.
Take it or leave it.
If you don't like it, keep itmoving.
So I think it's kind of hard tobe inauthentic that way,
(03:00):
because not everybody likes that.
So, like I am well aware thatI'm not everyone's cup of tea,
Like I'm very aware of that andI'm fine with it, and you talk
with your hands, so that'sprobably why.
I do, and that drives peopleinsane it does drive people
insane.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
The amount of comments on social media I get
about talking with my hands.
It makes me want to do it more.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I was just going to say that is a lie.
The only time that I've everseen you do it and I know
exactly the type of content I'mgetting is where I feel like
you're not in control of yourlimbs.
Yeah, on purpose.
Yes, exactly, purposely flailing.
I was like, oh, I for sure knowwhat type of content that is.
It could be a series on yourTikTok.
Did you start like harnessing,I guess, that superpower of like
(03:45):
not giving a shit?
And what was the turning pointof of that?
Was it born out of insecurity?
Was it born out of acceptance?
Was born out of healing?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
To be honest, I don't really know.
I actually asked my parentsthis because I mean, you know
Owen, my son.
He is very much that way.
I mean he's six and he is justlike he don't care who he is,
who he is.
So I asked my parents that Iwas like, was I always like that
?
Or because Owen has always beenthat way?
And my mom told me that Ialways was just like that.
(04:12):
I marched to the beat of my owndrum.
I didn't really care what otherpeople thought.
So I don't know if part of thatis from being from a big family
and being towards the bottomand kind of like you have to be
that way.
I don't know.
I never really got into likegirl groups or like any of that,
like catty type stuff.
I was friends with a lot ofdifferent groups.
(04:32):
So to be honest, I don't know.
I think it's grown as I'vegotten older, because you learn
lessons and you learn how you'reperceived.
You learn whether things matterto you.
The older I get, I think, themore not giving of a shit I am,
because life is short.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
So Well, I think you've like summarized not
giving a shit with a bunch ofdifferent like things under the
Teresa umbrella of not giving ashit.
I also feel like there's acomponent of values, right.
I think part of not giving ashit has to be rooted in being
authentic and then also true towho you are, so that you can not
(05:11):
give a shit about the rest ofit Absolutely.
As it relates to Owen realquick, I find it fascinating.
Obviously, I got diagnosed withrare disease later than a whole
20, 21 years, like after he did, and he's grown up with this,
and I wonder if there is a link,though, between what you go
through like that and, again,this very bucket umbrella term
(05:33):
of not giving a shit, right?
Because I do believe, as I wasfaced with more challenges, I
had to start weaning away theshits I could give or the spoons
I could give to outside things.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
That's a good point.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I mean, yeah, he's been through so much, which is
also why it's heartbreakingwhenever I know that he's
struggling with being biggerthan the rest of the
kindergartners, or.
But there's also times where,like in that school play picture
you sent me he I wish that ourlisteners could see this photo
because, oh, it's the bestpicture ever he is like in this,
like I don't know snowmanSnowman, yeah, costume and he
(06:09):
just towering over thesekindergartners.
For sure it looks like a fourthgrader in a kindergartner line
and just like the amount of likepride he has in being him in
that space.
Yeah, but we're all human, sothere's going to be that flip of
it, right, and I think it'sgreat that you're helping him.
Give a shit about his emotions,if you will, right, but yeah,
but not give a shit about theoutside influences yeah, and I
(06:31):
think that's a big part of it.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Just because you're someone that doesn't give a shit
, it doesn't mean you don't givea shit about anything.
It just means that you know whoyou are and I don't give a shit
about the outside voices thattry and tell me I'm someone.
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
So here we are, folks , we have unpacked it.
It is while under the umbrellafor Teresa, her superpower is
not giving a shit.
There are so many layersSelf-awareness, values,
authenticity, and so that's atthe root of those things that
you find to be your superpowers,that living in your existence,
oh yeah, Living in yourexistence like purely in a way
(07:08):
that you know works for you,fits in your life and, you know,
stays true to yourself, yeah,and is authentic.
Yes, 100%.
All right, we're down to threecards on my desk One, two or
three.
One You're going to not like me.
What are you still trying toprove to yourself?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I feel like I'm in a job interview.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
If a job is asking you this on an interview, just
walk out.
They have zero boundaries andhave no reason to be this deep
into your mind.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I would say that I can do whatever I put my mind to
, because I mean, you know, mylife has shifted in so many
different directions and so manydifferent career paths and each
time it does that it's usuallyagainst my will, it's usually
not not part of my plan.
So I like sit with that andthen try and tell myself like
(08:05):
okay, this isn't what youplanned, but you can do it.
So I think I'm always trying toprove and I also think
sometimes like I'm doing reallywell in the social media space
right now, but at the end ofthis month I'm like I can do
better next month.
I don't know what that is.
I don't know if that's justlike a constant drive for
wanting to be better in thespace I'm in.
(08:26):
I don't know.
But I think just prove that Ican do it, that I can hit
whatever curveball is thrown myway.
I would say it that way.
All right Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Let's unpack that, okay.
So I heard a lot right there,and one of the things I heard,
though, is I am still trying toprove to myself that, even
without my career, I'm worthy of, maybe, recognition, I'm worthy
of validation, even if thisisn't, you know, as prestigious.
(08:56):
Or using my degree, yeah, Iwould say that makes sense.
I mean, you can push back, I'mno expert.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, it does In your life at least.
Say that makes sense.
I mean you can push back.
I'm no expert.
No, it does In your life atleast.
It is hard to go Like.
I mean it's interesting becausethe way people perceive social
media and stuff, a lot of peopleperceive it as not a lot of
work, easy, which cracks me upbecause I'm like well, if that
was the case, then why aren'tyou doing it?
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I mean, I will not lie, I think social media, much
like anything, right it's youcan't just put something up and
expect it to do well right.
There's so many components thatgo into a good post consistent
posting, you know.
And I think of when I first,you know, started my business
(09:39):
and stuff.
I really think I had thisdelusional idea that if, like,
if you put it on the Internet,they will come like the Messiah.
Not true, no.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So I mean, when you go from a career like I had, it
is hard to like.
I went from a career of savingpeople's lives and getting
called in in the middle of thenight when they're having a
heart attack and being the onethat helps with the team to save
them, to doing funny stuff onsocial media or sharing my
health journey or stuff likethat.
So it doesn't.
(10:11):
They're very different thingsand to me it's very difficult
sometimes to know that I camefrom this all the way up here
and making such an impact onpeople to like doing something
like this and it it's not.
It's hard to sometimes see thesame impact.
I know that I'm generating thatimpact, especially on the
(10:32):
social media side of sharingabout Owen and connecting with
other families.
So I know in that regard, butit doesn't read the same as the
job that I was doing before.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
A little bit sounds like I'm still proving to myself
that I'm enough.
I'm enough as a mother.
I'm enough as a mother who'snot going to have a big family
right Like I'm enough as a wife.
I'm enough as a person who Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I was so proud to be, like I'm a cardiovascular
specialist.
I loved saying it.
I loved what I did.
I don't when people ask what Ido now.
I'm like I do social media.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Well, like even the way you just said it, but like
just the way you said it, right,I think there is, I think
there's a shame aspect to it,right.
And also, I don't know aboutyou, but sometimes I get
embarrassed before I even get tothe part where I'm like oh yeah
, I have a decent platform.
You know I share about this,whatever have you.
It's just like, oh God, myfirst biggest fear is someone I
(11:30):
know will see it, and then I'vegot to listen to that Like to me
.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
I'm OK with every troll on the Internet.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
What I'm not OK with is the phone call that comes
like so you decided to sharethat in that way, or?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
oh, there's so many people now that see all my stuff
, that know me in real life andand.
But I'm glad that I don't givea shit, because that is what
would make it really hard.
I am the same way.
I will say I'm the same way Iam on social media as I am in
person, and you know that youknow me both social media and in
person.
Yeah, so, like I will say, Ithink that my, I am in person
and you know that you know meboth social media and in person.
Yeah, so, like I will say, Ithink that my, I am the same way
(12:03):
, but it just doesn't to me likewhat I do now doesn't carry
nearly as much significantweight as what I did.
However, many years ago fivenow, five years ago, I guess.
Okay, so, and you know thatboils back to it not being my
choice Right In the, in thebeginning of me starting my
social media stuff.
That was my choice.
I still have my career Right.
(12:24):
It never was supposed to be afull time thing for me.
Ever I never thought it wouldget like this.
I never thought it would throwme into so many different spaces
.
I never, I just never imaginedit.
I never imagined I would makemoney from it and it just you
know.
So it's a blessing.
I'm grateful because I'm notable to do my job before, but
it's.
It was not a choice of mine.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So I also hear I'm still trying to prove to myself
like that I can hit the curveball, that I can be resilient,
and yeah, last little note onthis is don't mistake your
feelings or your lack of beingable to control a shitty
situation for your competencywith it.
(13:06):
Right, don't mix your feelingsand the facts on that.
Right, because you're allowedto have your feelings about it
not being in control and you'reallowed to, just because you
have feelings about thesituation every time, does not
mean right.
That it equates to oh, you'renot, you know you're not moving
forward from it, or you're notRight, right, right.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
So that will be my last little bit on that.
Oh, okay, All right.
So this is my first for peoplethat don't know, ever therapy
session.
I've never even been in therapy.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Oh my Jesus, how are we 20 episodes in?
And I've never, I've neverknown this about you better, yet
never I.
I, oh my gosh like now, are yousurprised?
No, not, not even a little bit.
But I just feel like how, asjust I'm thinking of our journey
, I it's like a flat, you know,in the Barbie movie where she
like has her whole life fleshbefore, kind of thing.
Well, I also didn't see theBarbie movie, so okay, I can't
lie.
I just watched the first, likeno no, I watched on a plane,
(14:00):
okay.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Nope, you would be shocked if I was like Christine.
I just watched the Barbie movie.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I mean, I'd be like so which one of your like uh,
you lost the bet.
Or one of your sons?
One of your sons likes a girland that's why, or something.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yeah, yeah no.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Of our friendship is happening in my head right now.
That was the whole point and Iwas just like, oh my God, like
one, I'm a therapist.
Two, she's 100% right.
Like I'm not surprised andthree in your head.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
You're like this chick needs to go see somebody.
Yep, I was just like wait asecond.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
How do I say this nicely?
No, not even nicely.
I'd be like oh, I know I wascrazy when we worked together
back then before I like reallytried to like figure some stuff
out for myself, but damn, ittakes two.
I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
It does.
Well, that's your turn now.
I'm switching it.
I'm out of the hot seat.
I'm not doing it.
No more.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Here is, unpacked, christine's version.
She's been in therapy since 16.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And she doesn't have a therapist on the other end,
she has just me.
So we're just who has alwaysbeen someone who calls me right
out and makes me feel realcomfortable.
All right, I got two questionsfor you.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So pick one or two Odd numbers, so we'll go one and
get it over with.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Do you think you are misunderstood?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Oh God, yes, I think I've been misunderstood my
entire life, which is why Ithink the catalyst for anything
in my life now, that is, peace,contentment and balance, was
chaos in terms of my raredisease, because it finally gave
me that rare label was soincredibly healing for me to be
able to not silo it You're toosensitive, you're too loud,
(15:38):
you're too this, your kindnessis fake.
For so long it was so importantto me that I came off genuine,
that you knew I was genuine,that everything that I value you
knew about me, and I think mybiggest growth moment has been
that it does not matter howpeople choose to perceive you.
(16:01):
That's a them thing, not a youthing.
So let them right.
Let them be wrong about yourskills, let them be wrong about
your struggles, let them bewrong about your kindness.
As long as I like, stick to whoI am, and I know that I put my
head on the pillow knowing I didthe best I could with what I
(16:22):
had at the time.
I'm okay with beingmisunderstood now and I think
it's more of something that Iwear as like a badge of honor.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You know part, that's what I hear.
You know what?
What I hear there?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
It's really true.
Anyone can be a therapist, guys.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
What I hear there is that you are starting to cross
over the bridge and enter intonot giving a shit land.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I would love you as my therapist.
You want to know why?
Because everything would comedown to you know how like some
therapists will go, likemeditation, meditation,
meditation or like all theselike kind of like catchphrase,
like therapist thing.
How does that make you feelYours?
1000% would be like the worldof not giving a shit and all of
its like substrates andeverything.
(17:08):
I love this for you becausewhen we were talking about this
and when that question, I waslike this little shit is going
to get away with everythingfalling under not giving a shit.
Cause I was like ready to pushback, is going to get away with
everything falling under, notgiving a shit.
So I was like ready to pushback on you hard.
And here you are in my questionbringing it back, and I'm like
shit.
That's yes, essentially right,At the most condensed form it's
having a full circle moment afull circle moment of every.
(17:31):
You know all the self-help booksyou read.
People, you need none of them.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
None of them.
But OK, do you think you got tothat, like, do you think you
would have gotten to the momentof really just accepting who you
are and not really allowingpeople to have their perceptions
?
Would you have gotten therewithout your rare disease, or do
you think that is whatpropelled you to get there and
why?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Absolutely not.
I really do believe that myrare disease was the key factor.
I think there's moments in yourlife that honestly change and
put you on the right course.
Right, definitely.
And sometimes they're reallysmall and they're very
reversible.
Right, it's not always a deathor this, and for me it was the
(18:14):
decision to not go to PA schooland to pursue social work, a
field I knew nothing about,coming from a family who for
sure did not believe indepression or any mental health.
You know, that was just not not.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, that was the time too.
Yeah, exactly A hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
So that is like one small moment right that, I think
, put me on this path ofrealizing one.
Just how scary it is in my ownbrain and it was not a therapist
or whatever it was the easiestway in my opinion, right, when
you're passively consuminginformation for another reason,
right.
So I was in school trying toget this degree.
It was enough degrees awaywhere I'm like, oh my gosh, we
(18:49):
have an enmeshed family.
Oh my gosh, not every singlething, but enough things started
to open up the doors.
So that was the first one.
I think the next moment I wouldcall out in this whole journey
would be choosing to marryCarrie.
Unfortunately, I don't believethat would have been enough,
though I think it would have putme in the space of breaking the
(19:10):
quote, unquote rules or, youknow, living more authentically,
but I think there would havebeen so much shame and lack of
that acceptance.
So it's like awareness andacceptance and then tools and
stuff Just deciding to marryCarrie while an act of rebellion
in my Catholic Republicanfamily and to what my internal
structures and narrative were,it wouldn't have been enough.
(19:31):
I think I would have lived justunder the radar, if that makes
sense, as opposed to steppinginto my power.
I think I would have shrunkmyself, and so I think, while I
think would have been very happy, within my marriage, it would
have been a very closed space.
So, without a doubt, I don't seehow I get here without being
sick, and, in true Christinefashion, I like to control
(19:53):
everything and whatever, and Ifeel like the universe sometimes
puts things in your way orgives you something because
you're not going where you'resupposed to go.
Right, it's like okay, well,you're clearly not getting the
message.
So here we are, we're going toliterally make it so that your
body stops.
We're going to get this messageto you and so, yeah, that's my
(20:15):
unpacked misunderstood, whichwould have been very different
if you probably asked me maybe ayear and a half ago.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, I think that also segues us a little bit to
my next question, because I knowwith being misunderstood, it
depends on how someonemisunderstands you, but there
can be a lot of hurt theredepending on how people perceive
you misunderstand you.
So do you, with yourexperiences of feeling
(20:42):
misunderstood and all of that,do you consider anything
absolutely unforgivable?
Speaker 3 (20:47):
The rigid part of me, the part that lives by rules
right, lives by rules so youdon't get hurt.
Lives by rules because youdon't know how to make healthy
boundaries, you know, cutsyourself out.
I mean, you know, you know howI just retreat and stuff, and so
I think for so long, theunforgivable thing really had to
(21:08):
do with, like loyalty andconsistent.
You know what I mean.
All these things internally,that, yes, they mean so much to
me, right, but you can't expectyourself and every single other
person, you can't expect peopleto mind read and I have become a
better communicator aboutcertain things, I'm a great
communicator.
If everything is in the land ofyou, you, you, in terms of like
, I will give to you, I willpour you, I will listen to you
(21:31):
and I will even listen to yourcomplaints and I will try to fix
.
You know that type of stuff.
But when it comes, oh, I have anissue with you or I bring
something up and I can't, I feelmisunderstood.
Immediate anxiety comes likerushing in and therefore I just
want to retreat Like nope, let'sjust stop the conversation,
because I don't, I don't knowhow to get this out, and all of
this is a long way to say that Ithink where I stand on
(21:53):
unforgivable is you never knowwhat you're going to decide when
your back's against the wall.
You never know what you'regoing to decide when your back's
against the wall.
You never know what you'regoing to do with the cards
you're given in that very moment, with what you know at that
very moment, right, not a futureversion of you or a past
version of you, just that verymoment.
But I think, when it comes tounforgivable, because of that
confrontation stuff and how muchI hated it I gave forgiveness
(22:14):
for every single thing so easily, and now I think that I don't
believe anything is unforgivable.
I think it's the relationshipreally matters, right, and I
think forgiveness is something Ido for you and I care less
about that.
So, no, nothing is notforgivable because I have been
(22:38):
working on channeling my energyinternally.
So what do I need to forgivemyself for, right?
So what do I need to also do?
To respond appropriately andeither let go or work through.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Think that in situations, because what I hear
there?
I'm never that something mightbe done to you that's possibly
unforgivable and you're lookingat how you can respond in an
approach.
Do you think that, like there'sinstances where you should not
have to check yourself and youshould be able to respond how
(23:16):
you feel?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
so when I say check myself, I mean not so much like
in terms of appropriate or forthe other person, but more so,
how will my response put meforward vulnerably, like because
I know about myself that I'mtoo forgiving.
I know that.
Like if you have done somethingthat really hurt me or you
ghosted me.
Or, for instance, if you reachout to me and maybe you haven't
(23:38):
done right, maybe you know youghosted me.
Or, for instance, if you reachout to me and maybe you haven't
done right, maybe you know youghosted, maybe you weren't, you
didn't show up when I needed youto around something.
And then you, you come into mylife, right, I, and you know
this.
You yell at me all the time.
I have a tendency, right Ofjust to like, accept whatever
that is and just and accept thatlow bar.
And so now what I found is foragain, forgiveness is for you.
(24:00):
You need me to forgive you sothat you feel better.
Right, but what am?
What do I need for me to let goof it?
So I'm not carrying it, and howdo I safeguard myself?
So recently my mom, my sister,went to a baby shower and there
were people there that we werevery close to at one point.
And then there were.
We had our first hiccup when Igot in and like a lot of feeling
(24:21):
like they were entitled toinformation and just kind of
like treating me really poorly,and I forgave that right.
When they came around, Iforgave that and then my sister
got married in 2020 with apandemic, her wedding got
canceled and she really cut allof her wedding stuff, like
slimmed it out, and they werevery hurt about being part of
that slimmed out thing, but itwas really just whatever,
(24:43):
despite that having nothing todo with me, right, like that has
nothing to do with me.
They like stopped talking to mebecause of the choice my sister
made, the point being they wentthere and my mom, my sister, are
very good about like.
They can say like hi and becordial and truly, and that be
it.
But if they said hi to me, Ifeel like I would have then been
like how are you?
Is every like?
You know?
I would have like extended thatand I think that would have
(25:06):
left me in a vulnerable placeand not that I don't want to
forgive, but like me not goingto that shower saved me that
energy in the future or saved methat negative residual thing of
cleaning, you know up orextending forgiveness so you can
forgive?
Yeah, you can forgive, but besmart about it Exactly and I and
(25:29):
it sounds weird, but Igenuinely believe forgiveness,
right, is for you, right?
Or it's for me, because ifwe're working through it
together, right, I don't thinkthen that's an unforgivable
situation.
I can honestly say there'snothing that Carrie can do, and
I've really, me and my mom, havehad like long hour long talks
(25:51):
on like nothing she can do.
That I can truly believe isunforgivable.
You know, as long as we come tothe table, as long as we show
up for each other, and she'slike, even if you cheat, if,
even if she cheats and I wasjust like, yeah, I think that
I'd want to first dissect, youknow what got her to that point.
I miss, like, were you trying toget my attention?
I think we use cheating as like, oh my God, the ultimate sin,
(26:12):
or abortions or this, or youknow, like we use these things
as like, oh my God, like we'regoing to chastise people.
But you know, again, I thinkwhen you're back against the
wall, you you do the best youcan with your emotional I don't
know.
And so, yeah, obviously I havea complicated relationship with
forgiveness.
That's what I got.
I'm glad I'm not the only onethat got complicated today.
Man, and when you first said itI was like, oh, I've got a great
(26:33):
answer to this.
And you know, three minutesinto this answer, I'm like I
don't even know what I said.
You got flustered, I feel.
Yeah, I got to bring that backto the journal.
All right, titi, we've got twoquestions left.
How about this?
Ready, we will, you'll pick oneand then we'll answer the last
one together.
Okay, two.
In what ways have you changedin this recent era of your life
(26:57):
that you do not like?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It's a little bit harder for me to be satisfied in
terms of what I accomplish, andI think that stems back to what
we talked about about my careerchange and stuff like that.
Back to what we talked aboutabout my career change and stuff
like that.
I don't like that.
I'm constantly feeling like Ineed to do more, like I felt way
(27:20):
more satisfied in my priorcareer than I do in this one,
and I don't know why, but Ithink I don't really like that
because I'm also someone thatreally likes to chill and to
relax.
I think because social mediacan be whenever you want to do
it.
You're always feeling like well,I could be making content right
(27:42):
now and I could be changing mycourse of like where I'm going,
but because I'm taking time andrelaxing, I'm missing out on
that, whereas like when you havea standard job, like I had
before, it was like OK, clock in, clock out, unless you're me.
Yeah, I mean like I don't.
(28:04):
So I don't like that aboutmyself is that it's harder for
me to relax because I feel likeI'm not being lazy but I'm not
taking every opportunity, andwith social media and stuff like
that, it's like everyopportunity is 24 hours a day,
and that's just sustainable.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
It's really interesting that you say that,
because back in oh my God, it'scrazy it's been two years, may
of 22.
You came to me after two yearsof working together and you were
just like I don't want you tohate me, but I need to step away
because I'm not present for youand and rare and where we want
to build, and I'm not presentfor my family and I don't.
(28:35):
I don't like that about myself,I don't like this place that
I'm in and you know, I think Ithink the internet wanted some
like villainous, like story line.
Um, but I think in general again, like there was you approaching
me and wanting out, like to methat was a great strength and
(28:56):
brave, you know, a bravery, andto also do it in a way, in my
opinion, that was honest andvulnerable and not just like
ghosting, or you didn't justacknowledge, I guess.
Also, you acknowledged, I think, that you weren't being present
anywhere, right, yeah, I wasn't.
And so I'm bringing this upbecause when you said that, it
(29:17):
sounded a little bit like thisidentity, like this figuring it
out is like taking you away fromthe present, or I think that's
always been your problem withsocials.
You know, blog writing.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Because everything is right at your fingertips and so
you know you could be missingout on something by not
responding to a comment orwhatever.
And it's like it's easier tobalance because both the kids
are in school but they're aboutto be home for the summer and in
my kids' minds you'reaccessible because you're home,
like if you're at an actual jobIn your kids' minds.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
screw that In my wife's mind.
I hate school breaks now thatI'm not working in the school,
because when she has off shegenuinely just has no
comprehension of like work beingquiet.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Like you can record anything.
Yeah, mike's the same way.
It's like, well, you're here.
I'm like, well, I work here.
So, yeah, I think it's hard andI think this summer is going to
be, you know, a balancing actfor me, but I'm going to do it
because that's how I've alwaysbeen.
I just I figure it out, butit's, I want to be able to be
like no, I can put my phone downat work all the time because I
(30:23):
don't need to questions.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
So I think it's so funny that therapeutic process,
or when you start to unpackthings, you see all these links
right.
What seemingly seems far apartare all these links Cause we we
talked in the beginning aboutthat enoughness, right, feeling
enough, feeling content, thatstate of peace it's.
It's crazy we're all upsetabout control, but that state of
peace is something we can giveourselves.
Yeah, but there's a ton ofmental work that has to go into
(30:51):
it, right, and you're not goingto like me saying this, but of
course you'll always figure itout Like of course you're always
fine.
Those are different thanprocess your emotions.
I feel like, since I've knownyou, I've been like stop
minimizing your emotions everysingle time you approach them,
especially around your career.
I think, right, when you go outwith friends and you feel sad
like you're, like I feel guiltythat I feel sad so many like
(31:14):
beliefs and judgments on yourown feelings.
Don't worry folks, she's alsoprobably judging you on your
feelings, but not harsher thanshe's judging herself on her
feelings.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I will say I am rough on myself in that department.
But I think, because I know I'mrough on myself in that
department, I make a consciouseffort with the boys, especially
because they're boys andthere's this narrative like oh,
boys don't cry, they do.
So I try and make a reallystrong effort with them to let
(31:46):
them know that it's okay to feelhow they feel, it's okay to be
angry.
Obviously, when you're angry,you got to curb.
Curb that and not like act outon it.
I tell Owen that all the timebut I know that I lack in that
area for myself.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
So, with the boys mom's trauma, dad's trauma, all
their values and everythinggrowing up and then you get
there and you're like what am Inot going to do to you that was
done to me?
What am I going to do extra foryou?
(32:18):
Right, and it's like you haveto balancing that all out.
I always feel that parentsdon't do this enough, because
our focus is always on the kids.
But the best thing you can dois figure out yourself, know
yourself, know what thoseemotions are, what they're
signaling for you, and processit on your own, so that you're
not putting that on your kids.
But thank you for coming to myTED talk.
All right, I think this is agood last question.
(32:39):
Before you do the question,though, give me the age when,
growing up, that you felt mostvulnerable.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
I would say maybe like seven.
Okay, I would say seven, andthe only reason why that sticks
in my mind is because I got areally bad haircut from my
sister when I was seven.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Seven how old?
Like you're, second grade,right, you are like first or
second.
When I was in the first grade,I got a really freaking bad
haircut from.
We called her I don't know MimaTilly.
I don't know what the hell hername was.
I can't remember which one washer name and which one was the
my, my grandpa's second wife.
(33:21):
Anyway, she wanted to be ahairdresser and my mom thought
it was a great idea to give hermy hair.
I just feel like we like unlocksomething, though TT.
Both of us have really reallyreally long hair that we don't
let anyone touch, and I don'tknow.
I feel like we're having a veryshared experience here.
But go ahead Tell me about thishair.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Well, that's why I feel like I was the most
vulnerable, because and I don'tknow maybe that's where I had to
like buck up my confidence,because I mean, I had this long,
beautiful hair and she cut itup to my eyeballs Like I had a
bowl cut.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I just can't believe you had a bowl cut.
Ok, just so you know what we'regoing to do in this episode.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
We're going to find a picture.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I'm going to find a picture.
You're going to find a picturewe're doing side by side.
I kid you not Horrible Bowl cut, it was just like weird, like
yeah, don't touch it as adults.
And again, another one of thosemoments where you can spend so
much time with someone and allthis right, but like not know
these things.
We've always known, weconnected and stuff, but like oh
(34:17):
my gosh.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Yeah, no, chopped it all off and I got made fun of so
bad.
I was called a boy and then, ontop of that, I had a horrible
like.
Instead of a rolly school bagbecause they were in, my grandma
got me a rolly suitcase but Iwas like, whatever, I'll use it.
So I got made fun of that.
I made fun of my hair okay.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Well, are you ready for the question?
What I know, you thought thatwas the question, but I'm gonna,
I'm gonna.
If you could go back and tellthat seven-year-old girl
something, what would you tellher?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
to get through to her that hair grows back and that
if someone is making fun of youit's only a reflection of
themselves.
Because I don't think kidsrealize that.
I mean I realize that obviouslyas an adult, because if you
internally feel the need to bemean to someone else, you're
lacking something, you'resomething's missing within you
(35:08):
or you've got some scars thereor whatever, because you know we
all make mistakes and we allmay do things that are nice, but
actually making fun of someonetakes a conscious effort to be
like malicious, and I think thatif you were like I could never
purposely be malicious tosomeone, like it would not, like
I wouldn't do it out ofintention, and I think when
people do do that it's becausethey have some deep wound.
(35:30):
But kids don't understand thatand so I would tell myself as a
kid, like if they're making funof you it's a reflection of
themselves.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I really love that because I'm sure my mom said
that my whole life.
But I was 26 when my mom saidto me you know, what people say
about you is none of yourbusiness, and I was like really
taken back by that.
But essentially I was likereally taken back by that, but
essentially I feel like that itwas the way that it clicked for
me that what you're just saying,right, like it's not about you,
(36:02):
right, and it's none of yourbusiness to know someone's
opinion about you, because mostlikely, if it's an opinion
that's behind your back or it'san opinion that's nasty and mean
, it has nothing to do with youand for sure has nothing to do
with that person wanting yourbest interest or wanting your
growth right, because then theycome to you.
That's feedback, right, and youdon't have to take everybody's
feedback.
It depends on who's coming from.
All that good stuff.
But I love that.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Okay, so that is all for my first and last therapy
session.
We did it for everyone else toexperience, but I think that is
enough for me today oh my gosh,I love that so much.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Tell us what you thought about this type of
unpack episode.
Do you want to see more of it?
Would you like to have itreleased as bonuses?
Because I think it could besuper helpful.
You can submit your questions.
We can answer them along withyou.
Well, I think it could be a newsegment tt I think so too.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I too.
I think it's fun, it'sunexpected and I think it's real
raw and rare Until next timeyou're always fine.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Seriously, you're fine.
You're fine because you havethe power to access your place
of peace anytime you need it.
However, if you get stuck,we're right at the palm of your
hand to help.
Check out our show notes forthis week's Sourceless
Recommended Content and CabanaLive Group Schedule.
We'll catch you next week for abrand new episode of You're
(37:22):
Always Fine.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!