Stop Setting Yourself on Fire to Keep Others Warm

In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, boundaries coach and licensed therapist Torie Wiksell unpacks one of the most damaging cycles cycle breakers face: being scapegoated by toxic parents.

Here’s how the pattern works: your boundaries are violated again and again until you finally react—crying, yelling, or shutting down. That’s when your family points at you as “the problem.” This toxic blame-shifting convinces you that your needs are unreasonable, leading you to overextend yourself at work, in relationships, and even in friendships.

We’ll cover:

• The scapegoat cycle: why you’re labeled “too sensitive” when the truth is the opposite.
• How overfunctioning shows up in adulthood—as the fixer, the peacemaker, or the one who sacrifices everything to avoid conflict.
• Why it feels easier to burn yourself out than to ask others to step up.
• Steps to reclaim your capacity by setting boundaries around your emotional, physical, and financial energy.

Torie also shares her own story of overgiving in her career—and how healing meant learning to stop “lighting herself on fire to keep others warm.”

If you’ve ever wondered why relationships leave you drained, or why you carry responsibility that isn’t yours, this episode will help you see the truth: it’s not you.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

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