104. Not Even You Could Be Wrong About "The Empire Strikes Back"

Episode Transcript
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[Give yourself a hand] (00:00):
Hello and welcome to your wrong. Uh, welcome

[the pimps new groove strikes back] (00:04):
Hmm.

back. We have been away for a while because, uh, we like

adulting.

to punish you for listening to our podcast, so this was your fault.

[Boba Fett sucks] (00:13):
Yeah,

Correct.

how dare you.

Shame.

Right. With me as always is Lucien.

Mmm, yes!

Gross. We also have the Pimp's new groove strikes back, AKA Chris
from Parts Unknown.

in Toronto the motherfuckers coming back

Get him!

with a vengeance so

Get him.

take that

Find him.

place I was before and now

Yeah.

I'm

You're

back

in a broom closet. That's what I can see from here. Ha ha

Listen, just because this story

ha.

mirrors Harry Potter and Harry Potter mirrors the original
trilogy is neither here nor there.

Well, spoilers, I haven't said what we're talking about yet. Spencer,
you as our favorite guest have been invited along for the show.
Welcome.

[Jabba the Slut] (00:59):
I'm just so happy to be here. I was waiting for you guys to make a big triumphant
return and it's just so exciting.

Spencer's

Thanks.

Yeah,

been stuck in this

I,

liminal

I just,

space where we record our podcast for the entire

yeah.

time. He hasn't left.

crotch

I...

shots galore.

Is there a world outside of this basement? I'll

Well,

never know.

I'm—Wolfie left you but no, other than that, there's not.

Once

Oh,

there was

I-

a way to get back

Yeah, well, it's good to see humans again.

Mmm.

It's

Where?

good to have you.

Thank you.

And to celebrate the fact you're here, this is going to be the last
podcast we record as the You're

Oh.

Wrong

Whaaaaat?

podcast. Boom.

Are

But

we

not

gonna

Ah.

in

leave

the way you

him?

think.

Are we gonna leave Spencer in the subliminal space after

Yeah.

we're

He's

done with

not

the podcast?

coming with us. He's

Okay, I see.

yeah. He's staying here. Or

Dang.

we're replacing

Somebody

him.

has to mind

Yeah.

the place.

Mind the

If

shit.

The

Yeah.

Titanic's

you

the Titanic

have to, yeah.

protocol.

Um, uh, I'm going to promote you to a host at the end of this podcast.
You can go down with this ship.

but matt, if this

Uh,

show

Spencer.

ends,

Yes.

where

Yeah.

will i go to get my hilarious movie funness?

HUH

That is what they call in the biz an excellent segue. But because
I didn't do it, I don't want to acknowledge it. We

NERF!

are going to talk about the Empire Strikes Back. Just kidding. I will
acknowledge it. We are talking about the Empire Strikes Back, but
Spencer raises a good point. We

Mm-hmm.

are, if you've listened to this podcast over the last few months, you've
noticed that we kind of stuck on movies and tinkering with the format
of movies.

Mm-hmm.

And what we found is we just like talk about movies. Of course you're
going to ask, do we need another podcast about movies? And I mean,
yeah.

Yes.

No one asked you.

Yes. Yes,

Yeah...

you do. You do.

Yeah,

Fuck you!

You

we

probably

don't...

don't. But you could.

Look,

Get

you know,

off

and

my

we

back,

don't...

Dad!

Correct furthermore, like no one writes us in the emails,
therefore no news is good news. We do whatever the app
we would like to do. Hey.

That's what the kids call the class half full.

Mmm.

Yeah.

I don't like it, but we're going to go with it. So we

Mm-hmm.

are moving to a new podcast. You can find

Mm.

it as a listen to this podcast. It is going to be called Popcorn and
Plot Holes. It has a much nicer logo than the current one we have.
It's got different pictures on it. It's blue. You'll find it. You know,
it won't be confusing. But you should subscribe to that because we
will be starting into that soon.

soon.

And I think we talked about, soon TM, we're going to do Morbius as
our first episode

No...

for that podcast.

Yeah,

Finally!

if

Don't want to miss

we're

that.

gonna start something new, we're gonna start way down at the bottom.

in

Yeah,

Work

the

our

trenches.

way up.

finally it's morbid time

Mm-hmm.

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

DUN

I know everyone's really excited for that. So without further ado, we're
gonna dive into the last movie we're doing here and we're going
to go back to the thing we all love to hate. Well, Luciano and I, it's
Star Wars. And as I mentioned before, we're talking about The Empire
Strikes Back. Possibly the best Star Wars movie. There

Definitely.

are some movies that could compete and there are a lot of movies
that are not competing because they are horrible. But we're

Yeah.

talking about The Empire Strikes Back. And what I'd love to do here
is, let's get a ranking for everybody. But our old ranking system was
confusing and I hate it. I just

Which

want you to

one?

tier

We've had

this.

so many.

This is the problem. I just want you to tier this, okay? Give me
this movie. Is it an S tier? Is it A,

Hmm.

B, C? I guess we'll go to D. I mean, put whatever level you want.
Just know that S is number

What's

one.

the Jurassic World tier?

Ehhhhhhhhh

Z tier, I think, is worth

There,

putting that

yeah.

one. We have lots of nuance here. But if you could hear it that
way, because I think everyone's familiar with that system. It's
all over the internet. It's all over the Twitters. Yeah, so let's
go with Luciano. He's going to have a very normal...

very

I actually

normal

am

humanoid

So

take.

I'm the only thing that makes me sad is that the one movie That I would genuinely
give a legendary to now we can't because it's a different ranking system
so to me this is s plus this is one of the best movies ever made in the
entire history of moviemaking It obviously a lot of this is like fond memories

(05:20):
and nostalgia. I don't give a shit. I love this movie. I would watch it
every time it came on. I think I must have watched this movie, I don't
know, 50 times, something like that.

Those are rookie numbers. You gotta pump those

50?

numbers up.

Um,

For how

yeah.

old you are? God.

Well, I stopped watching when the new one came, the ones came in. Cause
I was like, oh, new movies. And then I was sad for

If you

Star

watched

Wars.

it once a year, that's 60 times.

61, the

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

61 last June.

gross.

Yeah. Anyway, it's I just love this movie. It's it has a little bit of
everything. It's the best screenplay of the original trilogy for me out
of the three. It ends on such a like a downer note which I found very

(06:10):
it's not very common for a movie to end even when you know there's gonna
be another one. It's not very usual for a movie to end with like, oh
fuck, that's a bummer. And I'm all about bummers. So,

like this podcast.

yeah,

Wow

exactly.

Yeah.

yikes

And

this is

this

hurtful

movie also has probably the most one-liners that we all know from Star
Wars of all the movies. And

Like

yeah,

it's morbid time.

yes.

Mmm.

This is the first line of the movie, I believe.

every line of the whole movie.

Yeah, I love this movie. It's S-tier easily one of my favorite movies
of all time.

All right, I'm going to move on from you because

Yeah,

you're

get

old and

over

you're starting

it!

to repeat yourself

Fucking...

I

like

stopped,

old people

I stopped,

do.

Just

I

marry

stopped.

it already!

Just.

Oh, by the way, no, I'm kidding.

Oh my God. Spencer.

Yes.

What? You're young. You don't know. You don't love Star

things

Wars like

about

the old people

Star

do

Wars.

because you watched it when you were a child. So tell us what you
think.

Yeah, this movie needs more TikTok.

Hahaha!

Where

Flawstance.

are the meetings? Where are the gifts? No, I'm also old. And I also give
this movie S tier, obviously, I think it is fitting that we were fitting
finishing our final episode before moving on to our new show format with
one of the greatest movies of all time. Yeah, S tier legendary, whatever.

(07:34):
Everybody knows this is movies. Amazing. It is near faultless

Yeah.

till George Lucas got his grubby little hands in there. But that aside,
yeah, perfect movie for the most part. But we'll talk about the misses
as we go through the episode.

The plot holes, let's practice here. We're going

Yeah,

to a new podcast.

we'll go through the popcorn as we get

What?

no, we'll get through the plot. Popcorn, the plot corn.

Plopcorn.

Thanks, nice job. Moving on, Chris, you're the resident person who picks
weird ratings for movies, as I have to find at this point right now.
So, what do you got for us?

Hmm. Yeah. Love the original trilogies. This movie, um,
new hope and, and like they all kind of bleed together
for me

Hahaha!

for some reason. And so it's like, I will rate it, rank
it separately, but it's difficult because I look at them as
one, one story and it's, it's great as a cohesive up,
up and down and so on. So, um,

This is the one

I'll

without

just give it an

Jar

S.

Binks, just to help you.

Yeah, I

Hahaha

know. I'm not... let's not.

And

Jar is

that's

in the...

a detriment. That is one of my complaints.

Jar is in the George Lucas, Joe Rogan cut.

Oh my god.

Wow.

What the

Joe

fuck?

Rogan cut.

This is why

No.

you have to stop the podcast after that reference.

Me's

Yeah.

a wanna leave!

So I'll give it an S. It's the first of its kind in
this genre that yeah, so many other movies, I mean, like
when you think about Avengers, Infinity War ends on
that, that low note and isn't afraid to do so. Like it's
just gut punch after gut punch. And so really appreciate
it. And you don't really see it until it's all laid

(09:38):
out. So yeah, like powerful entry into nerddom, powerho
entry into storytelling and yeah, it's unfortunate. It's
unfortunate. And that's good.

Sorry, what's unfortunate?

I was gonna say, I'm like, what's up with

The

this

beauty

movie is

of

good.

the arc the beauty of the arc is unfortunate Like it
you're sent reeling and you're like, oh no, what the
fuck cliffhanger? What the fuck do we do now someone and you
can't stop talking about it. So s I just give it an s

Okay, I didn't realize that I would have to bring the excitement and
levity to this podcast, but

Yo,

Don't

uh...

tell me what to do, Dad!

let's party.

That's rage. That's

I'd like

fucking

to add,

rage.

I don't think,

Jet Sticks!

I think Star Wars has been living off the hype of this movie

Spit it out, Andrew

for the entire

Tate!

franchise.

Cool.

True, true.

Um,

Yeah.

that was great, uh, commentary sponsor. However, I'm going to go
ahead and give my ranking

I'm

if you

against

don't mind.

that.

Yeah. Who wouldn't be?

All in favor?

I'm gonna say aye. Nay.

S. It's an STR movie. It is one of the first movies that use the
dark low of the surprise, the twist that you never saw coming and did
it well. And didn't spend too much time on setting up the twist.
I'm looking at you. Spider-Verse movie that Spencer and I watched
last

No swear,

night.

Hmm?

but yes.

No

No

spoilers.

spoilers.

Thank you.

And it's great. I love the movie. It's a lot of fun. And I'm not gonna
waste any more time beating around the bush because we're gonna
get through the good parts. We're gonna ask the questions you all
want us to ask. You all know about Star Wars. We're not here to
critique Star Wars. We're here to ask the hard-hitting questions,
understand the movie, the world, where they didn't answer questions.
We're gonna fill in those gaps.

Fill

We're

it.

gonna start with a really easy question for everybody.

sexually.

Wow.

Yes, well, he's on the right path. We're all familiar with the Emperor.

Mm-hmm.

He makes his first appearance of many, many appearances in movies, apparently,

Some say

in

too

this movie.

many.

Yeah.

Everyone would say too many.

Hmm

And we start to see from the beginning, the Emperor seems to have
a type. And you see the type

Oh

because

no.

he loves the young buck jedis. He's like so off of Vader as soon as
he finds out about Luke. And if we trace his story back to the original
trilogies, he is all about that hot piece of ass Anakin Skywalker.
And the question I propose

Jesus

to

Christ.

you is, is the umph-

how you were beating around the bush and they're just like you know what
fuck it I'm gonna dive

I'm gonna dive into this pooch.

Is the Emperor a groomer?

This is

Mm-hmm.

the hard hitting questions that we're here for.

The emperor's hard on these questions. OK. So it's undeniable.
I mean, what angle do you want to take it from? I mean,
like, the Catholic Church took notes from the emperor.
Ezra Miller took notes from the emperor.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

They be grooming in these streets. They be grooming
in Tetchy Tetchy. It's

they'd be

not

grooming.

cool.

So

Baby

Yeah.

Grooming, Baby... Baby Herbert the Perverting. Woohoohoo!

I think, I think the obviously in this movie, cause we're talking about this
movie,

Mm-hmm.

he definitely tries to upgrade to the younger model, as you might

Mm.

say,

Hahaha!

you know, he, Vader, I feel like, I feel like he thinks the relationship,
it just, it's not the same as it used to be, used to be so, so fiery,
there's

The

sparks,

sparks just aren't there.

the electrical sparks from his evil hands are. are faded.

Mmm.

I also think that the emperor thinks that Vader is damaged goods. And he
sees

Yeah,

a news...

cause the Emperor grew dumb.

Yeah,

Vroom.

That'll fuck

Listen,

you

physically

up!

listen.

damaged goods.

What happens in Mustafar stays in Mustafar.

You never

But...

take your shirt off anymore.

Hehehehehehehehehehe

What do I have to do? Go into that egg of yours! But yeah,

You haven't

it's...

been the same since you turned 40. I mean since you fell in that fire.

Uhhhhhh

Yeah, because I think he sees Luke and he goes, oh, he has all his limbs
still.

His

That's

skin

a plus.

is so supple.

Yeah.

You look like you moisturized, Luke. Mmm.

Ha ha ha!

I think,

What do you

I think

use,

Matt,

back?

I think our answer is a resounding yes.

Okay.

Do you, do,

Oh yeah, there's that too,

You

because

can

that's

back

why he

that

calls

ass

him.

up into me.

It's never,

Ha ha!

it's never like...

You can back to that tank ass up to me.

Uh,

That dummy thick tank ass.

All right, well, we have our answer. We'll just move on from that.
That's a perfect segue to skip into

Oh man.

the next question.

yes,

Um,

yes.

so, uh, Vader starts to really lean into his, um, managerial style.
I really honed it in

Oh

and I'm wondering, you know, if you're, you graduate from the Imperial
Academy, you sit down with, um, HR, Imperial HR. And

Hi.

you, and you go to. look at what your career path is, what your
five year plan is.

Mm-hmm.

I just wanted to know what do you think the Imperial Soldier, Naval
Officer, what do you think the career path, you know, Stormtrooper,
what do you think the career paths look like for them?

engineer foot soldier Bridge fodder

That's officer.

That's...

Yeah,

Oh, sorry,

same

oh, sorry.

thing. Same thing.

I was reading the prohibited file. Let me just put that back
into the

I'm sorry,

redacted.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, did you say Bridge Fodder? No, no,

I'm

Officer,

sorry.

No, no,

my mistake.

no.

of imperial

Officer.

officer of the imperial navy you mean

Yeah, yeah,

Ah, yes,

same.

that

Lieutenant

one.

First Order of the Empire.

Left. Left tenant.

Hmm

left in it.

I think they hide what happens in the upper echelons from most of the younger
officers. I think the HR people, this is the empire, right? So the HR
people are like, oh, you know, this is a family.

Oh,

We care

haha.

about our,

I like

we

to think

care

of ourselves

Welcome!

so

as

much

an imperial

about our

family.

recruits

We're so

Yeah.

happy

and...

that you've graduated into the ranks in

Yeah.

your new career. Shiny, new, you know, don't worry about
like, I mean,

We-

our competitors, Starfleet Academy, they've got nothing

Exactly.

Whaaaaaa

on us, okay?

And then you go like,

What

you

you

know,

need

we really,

is...

we really want you to feel like you're part of something bigger than yourself,

Mm-hmm. Ah.

and to really like, you know, put your skin into it and

See

you

you soon.

know, really apply yourself and you can maybe one day get to be an admiral,
maybe even

Limitless

a grand

potential.

moff,

Limitness.

limitless potential.

I have a question,

Yeah.

is that a dead admiral being dragged across the floor behind you?

No,

Listen,

Um

that's Bridgefather, son.

you know, there was a, there was a break. There was a
breach in the hall, minor

Yeah,

skirmish with the rebellion

it's...

and blah, and blah,

Blah, the overbellion.

blah.

Hehehehe

So

But

what's

Mr.

your

HR

s-

person,

yeah.

I just, I just want to know, I mean, like, thanks for
all of that explanation. But I mean, my dream is actually
to be a chef for the

Alright.

empire. So like it'd be great if we could get different
color biscuits. instead of orange, don't you think?

I mean, yeah, a hundred percent. And we do offer a competitive package
in

Hmm.

our chef fodder. Uh, I mean, chef,

What?

uh, stream. No, just chef. I said chef. I

The

don't know

chef

Oh,

the

what

chef

you

okay.

heard.

the chef

I thought she said chef.

it's a chef airlock. I mean

It's,

stream

it's the thing

Hmm.

is, is that, um, it's a working ship. These are all working ships.
And

Yes.

so while some of the time you'll spend as a chef fodder, um, other

It

times

was... Hmm.

you'll spend as stormtrooper

Go on.

fodder. Um,

Oh! What?

it's a, it's a split roll. Um, I, sorry, I keep saying fodder. I
apologize.

Other- So, are you trying to tell me

It's

other

a

duties

tick.

as NEEDED?

Yeah, well it's like, it's like, you know, you rotate, you know,
um, somebody's gotta look

Hmm.

after the mess hall and so you're like, you have like a rotation
where you're on as a stormtrooper and then you rotate off and you
know, you're janitor of the ship, you're cooking the

Oh.

kitchen,

You get

That's

rid of the

not-

bodies.

that doesn't sound clean.

you get shot

But

in the detention center and they

Bye.

take

don't

your

worry.

armor and wear you like a stormtrooper suit, you know, whatever happens
happens.

Don't worry

My

about

man.

it though, because when you have to be a strong trooper, it will give you
the best armor and protection that the Empire can offer.

100%.

I've heard

It's

good

pristine,

things about, yeah. Hmm. Mm-hmm.

clean white. It's very

Let me

well taken care of.

let me

Can

ask

definitely

you this.

stop blaster bolts.

Have you heard of a material called plastic? Everyone's

No.

talking about it. Everyone's

It's

What?

the

talking.

newest,

It's the we're

it's the newest thing.

making everything out of it. It's just

I'm so

it's

used to

unstoppable.

bantha hides. No,

Well good news,

plastic.

you actually wear banthahide underneath,

Underneath,

and the

yeah.

plastic

Oh.

covers just a couple of pieces really. There's lots of open spaces.

Oh.

The most, the vital stuff's covered.

Let me ask you,

Oh... okay.

how's your aim with the blaster?

It's very subpar. My skills

Perfect

lie with chopping carrots,

perfect

All right.

you're gonna

You

be

fit

julienning

great

right in.

fries, and carrots. Okay.

Very rarely will you have to shoot your blaster at someone who's like
infinitely better at it than you. Very

Okay,

rarely.

that's good to know, because

And

I would be useless in a battle,

I

let

understand

me tell you.

that you want to focus on chefing. You're probably not into killing
people, right?

No, just I just

Don't

want to kill

worry.

things

Just make

for

it

food.

look like you're trying real hard

Yeah.

and the blaster will take care of the rest. It knows your intentions.
Yeah.

Oh, wow, that sounds like great technology.

The Imperial Stormtrooper Corps is known as the most peaceful army in
the world,

Absolutely.

in the galaxy even.

That's

Now,

why they wear white. For peace.

Yeah.

side note, do you think your corpse would smell?

Uhhh... this is a very uncomfortable question, but
I mean,

Ha ha!

is this a mandatory question? I mean, I feel like this...
I thought we were in a safe space, I mean... Come on,
HR! Um,

Alright, put him in

no,

the fodder.

it wouldn't.

I mean, you're hired,

What?

chef!

Oh, okay.

Whatever the fuck you said.

Listen.

No, I think he's special. I think he deserves a place in the bridge.

CR217, if this isn't for you, we're sticking

GASP

with CR218 to do it, so it's not really a problem for

Oh,

us.

no, I'm- No, I'm- I'm fully committed.

Weren't you cloned for this?

Hahaha!

Get in fucking line!

Thanks for watching!

Great. Okay. So the other question I have about this is like, if
you were picking, if you're coming out of the academy, what do you
think and let's assume your career goal is to not die, to stay alive
as

I'm

long

gonna

as

go.

possible.

Then you're in the wrong

Mm-hmm.

job, sir.

Yes!

What job would you take? Because we have stormtrooper,

Right.

famously good at not dying. We have

Mm-hmm.

a type like a fighter pilot, type fighter, type obber. The good thing
about those ships is they're really fast. The bad thing is they
have no shields whatsoever. So it's

Oh, they're about as resistant as Stormtrooper armor, so that's good.

a... I think maybe we should cover them with Stormtrooper armor,
making them more safe. I don't know.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

And then we have Deck Officer. It's pretty good unless you're near
Death Vader. Then listen, promotion path, real quick, real easy.

Yeah,

Yeah, so the

I

benefits

moved up 10

are...

positions

very,

in two weeks!

very

Yep.

fluid, high echelon mobility in that job.

Yep.

That's what you need in a competitive career path.

Yeah, stock options, credit

I think.

bonus structure,

equity

I think

great

the

benefits, especially around death and wellness.

Yeah, very good in like life insurance Yeah, no, I think I think the trick
is not to be The person in command of a star destroyer. I think that's
the best. You just be like three tiers below

But then you're

It

the

f-

captain in three weeks.

That's not enough

Three

tears

tears,

below.

Damn it!

yeah, you gotta be

Further down

many,

the line!

many tears down.

Yeah.

I think I've identified the safest, the safest empire
job of all the entire movie,

Okay.

all the movies, right? And it especially makes sense
in this one. Working in the engineering and like propulsion
department because you're the last to know everything.
You just need to keep the ship running. Like you look
at the first one, the torpedoes came through and you're
like, what? Boom, you're dead. So you don't have time to

(23:07):
process. And then when you think about all the Starship
battles, when

I mean...

the large ones

You're

go

still

boom,

dead though.

you're dead, but you're the last to know.

You got the good death. That's

Exactly.

what

HAHAHAHA!

he's saying.

That's the

You

good...

got that.

You mean you don't get choked to

You

death?

get that quick death,

Right.

you know?

The good

I see.

death?

You're saying that the dream position in the Imperial is a quick death.

I think that's what we're

You

getting

could

at. All right.

say that, yes, and that is what I mean.

I think, no, I think we've answered this fully.

Mm-hmm, I would

Yeah,

concur.

No, we did a

okay.

good job.

Does anybody have any Imperial biscuits by the way?

No.

God darn it.

Sorry. Question.

Thank you for it.

We see Darth Vader on Hoth. No, Hoth, sorry, Bespin. And when Han
Solo and the gang run into him, Han immediately pulls out his blaster
and tries to shoot Darth Vader, of course.

Mm-hmm.

Darth Vader just sticks his hand and blocks the blaster bolts.

Mm-hmm.

What? What is? How is he doing this exactly?

What happened there?

Because wouldn't the stormtroopers want some of this technology
if they can get their hands on it?

That's a good

Maybe

question.

they were budget-

Does

I mean,

he,

I'm sure they would

do

like

we know?

not to be using paper as armor, but...

Do we know if his hand blocked the bullet or if he used like a force wall

Home?

to block

No.

the

There

bullet?

Couldn't

are sparks!

tell ya,

There were sparks

but there's

which

sparks,

inferred

yeah.

contact with

contact

something

Yeah.

You would

metallic

think so.

I would assume.
Was

So

that

then

his

it's like,

cut-off

yep.

hand? Do we know? Were both

I think

his hands

so.

cut off?

I think both of his hands are gone, so those

Yeah,

are cybernetic.

I think, I think the lava takes care of a lot of his advantages.

Hahaha!

Sorry!

Oh, a lot, and which explains why

75

the emperor moved

to a hundred

on.

percent of them.

Hahaha!

He's left

Emperor

with one

thought he could

with

turn it

one

into

lens.

a... The Emperor thought he could turn charred marshmallow
Vader into a walking vibrator, but then the thrill was
gone after, you know, a fortnight.

I like this new look, it's very bandage.

Hahaha!

Yeah. Um,

Our

but

safe

yeah.

word

Sorry,

will be...

sorry, what happened to your penis?

The safe word will be... Give me something, Vader. What's
a good safe word?

The safe word is...

I don't like that. I know.

No, the safe word is... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HAHAHA

Hahaha

Hahahaha

Sorry,

Yeah, what

we're

was

off

the question

track here.

again?

So

He blocks

blocking

it with, we

blaster

know he blocks

bolts

it with his

with his

Yes,

fake

hand.

hand.

yes.

Let's

Well both

even call

are

it

fake,

his fake

but yes.

hand.

Sure fake

Um.

hands, stranger.

But

Mmm.

So then

you think

it's made

it's...

of, it's got to be made of something legit.

So, wait Matt, do you

Like

think that

that's where all the budget

this is

meant.

like a feature of his armor? Like of his attire?

Well as

Is that

I

what

ask

you

this

think?

question I start to my brain starts to go into Does a blaster bolt
ever stop? Cause if it hits a body, it goes through or does it
dissipate? And if you don't hit a body, when does it stop? Like does
it hit a wall?

It just

Like

keeps going.

just traveling through every space until...


Like circling the planet. Like you

Yeah.

get hit by a by a stray boat like five weeks later.

You're sitting in Tatooine and just hailing up to your moisture fire.
I'm going to check the

Do do

what's going on. And

Yeah.

just a random laser bolt shrieking through your head and kills
you instantly.


Hahaha!

Uh, um, that's a good question.

It's

Do they

my

move

third

at the

husband.

speed of light? The blasters.

I don't think

They

so,

spit.

we can see it.

Do lazy, yeah,

Yeah,

they don't

they're

go that

just

fast.

lasers.

They're not

Yeah.

light.

It's a laser

Uh,

tag, but

I

deadly.

know the

well,

difference.

Spencer, I don't want to get too far into the physics of it, but
like the light from the laser, it gets to your eyes, but the physical
energy is, it's different. It's

Yeah,

not, it's not

exactly.

light. Yeah.

Obviously I knew all that. But I think that it's not the armor. I think
it's a

Okay.

synthetic hand. It's made out of clearly a better material than the one
that hits Luke's hand in Return of the Jedi, because that

Yeah,

one kind

short

of

it out.

goes through his hand a bit.

Yeah, a little

But

bit,

that's

a lot,

poor

a lot of it.

rebel scum

materials,

engineering.

So Vader's

lesser

got,

materials.

Vader's got the only vibranium in the Star Wars universe.

Basically,

What you're saying.

Hahaha

yes.

Okay.

AAAAAA

Don't they have Vibro Swords that have some something like that? Do they
stop lasers or something like that?

Um...

like lightsabers?

No, they stopped lightsabers, but not lasers.

Well, I mean, if they can stop a lightsaber, we can probably stop a blaster.
Boat.

I mean, I guess, but you're

because

like

a

hoping.

lightsaber cuts

That's like

his

catching arrows. You just hope you get

Maybe,

it done.

well, that's what Vader did, wasn't it? Maybe he has a vibro hand, which
is probably helpful for the Emperor in other ways.

But it

We

doesn't

could

go.

probably use the word Beskar in this case, since that's the vibranium
of Star Wars universe.

Oh yeah,

Oh

that's

yeah,

true.

he's got, but we just, we just that that's going to be

Just.

lore in like two weeks. Like you're going to see it on Wikipedia. It's be
like Lord Vader's hands were made of Vesgar, which made it

No, just the

easy

one.

to

Just

block.

that one with that hand. This

Well,

is Basker.

and it stops

Yeah,

at

it's

the

so

wrist

difficult.

because he gets his arm cut off by a lightsaber. So it's like

Mm-hmm.

a palm,

That's

maybe

true.

it's just a palm cover.

Just

You know, that's, that's hard

in

to get.

special situations, just

Yeah.

It covers

in the palm.

one palm and the groin. And that is all. the best car

Right.

he could afford.

Correct.

Okay. Now that I look, we've answered it guys. Good work everybody.
Great.

There you go.

That's

Um,

a cannon now.

Huzzah.

speaking of the Vader's groin area.

Hahaha!

Mm-hmm.

Favorite topic.

Said no one fucking

Mm-hmm.

ever!

No, just the Emperor.

Okay. This is,

Yeah, yeah.

Speaking

this is,

of the Disgruntled... Wahahaha!

this is, we're here

Mmm.

to ask the hard questions

Hard.

or the easy questions or the

So

gross questions.

hard. Mmm,

So

yes.

Jedi, we hear a lot about the Jedi code, right? The Jedi code is,
you know, you gotta never stray to the dark side. I mean, there's
something about anger and hate leading to suffering and yada, yada.

grooming.

I don't think that leads there. I think that's just... Well, I

That's

guess the dark

the destination.

side does groom.

Ha ha ha.

That's the destination, yeah. Ha ha ha.

We

Hehehehehehe

don't.

Um,

The lawsuit

but...

we must avoid. Mmm.

But the Jedi's have a code and they have lots of rules they must
follow. You know, they're not really supposed to have material possessions
or fall in love with people, you know, like jazz. Um, and yet, Luke
makes out with a mysterious woman, uh, who is definitely not related to
him in any way, shape, or form in this movie. So that's good for him.

She

That's

kissed

not gonna

OOPS!

him,

be

but

awkward.

yeah, sure.

Yeah, nothing. No,

What are you

she

DOING,

gets a kiss.

stepsister?

Ha ha!

Thank you.

That's the first instance of that.

Yeah, that's where it all started.

So,

That way,

so,

it all tracks.

Star

It

Wars

all tracks.

invented grooming and stepsister

And...

form?

Yeah,

Oh my god.

along

Ahhhh.

with a lot of other things.

Great. Um, great, no, I just want to know.

The

So

Empire

like,

Strikes Black.

oh, that's not right. That's

What?

okay. Back on target.

My husband

Hmm.

Target.

That's the

Um,

parody film.

the, I want to know what, what are, if Jedi cannot have material
possessions,

still those.

which is weird because people are material possessions, but that's
the way they frame it. It's not my fault.
What can they do? How far can they go to calm their Jedi nerves in
order to perform their best? Where's the line for them? And can they

(31:01):
use their hands? Their fake hands? Their beskar hands? Maybe it's
just a force? Like where… What are

Mm-mm-mm. Mm.

we talking

The force

about here?

is...

You asking about the secret art of Force Juber?

Ah, listen, if you know about it, please tell us. I wouldn't know.

So,

I'm

I've been

an

working

innocent

on

I

that

mean...

for

soul.

years.

Youngling that is.

I would have to think that at least Vader probably engages in that. Probably
even before

With what?

he became Vader.

Does he have a forced penis too? Like all that shit got charred off
of Mustafar.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I don't know about that. Like the core, the non-appendages

limped.

the balls.

or limbs

It's

The

an

are

appendage.

balls.

preserved, right?

But but

He

Okay.

I

can

mean

hit.

why else... listen, why else would the Emperor keep him if he wasn't?

That's

Let's

a

be

good

real

point.

here.

Okay, you got me there.

So.

The uh, but also the Sith can hook up with people. That was like his
main draw to the dark side.

True.

Passion.

I mean,

He

yeah,

was

all

like,

right.

I don't want to be a Jedi who grooms children. I want to be a Sith who's

I wanna

groomed

be a Sith,

by,

Borgrum's Children!

who grooms,

Hahahaha!

who gets groomed. No, he wanted to, you know, hook up, which is why he wasn't
taught the ways of the Force personal.

Yeah, quite gone was too busy learning how to talk to him as a ghost
and not teaching him the ways of the

how to

force

do his

jibber.

job.

I'm

had a masterpiece.

going to

Yeah.

go out and try it. Qui-Gon was too busy dying, let's be honest

Wow.

here.

Yeah,

Should you die? It's just a whole, that's not this movie.

yeah,

So,

he

Hmm.

had to

so.

learn, he

HAHAHAHA

had to learn the ways of the Jedi from someone else. And he, from Yoda,
he said,

Obie?

well, no, he went to Yoda

be.

and he said,

LDR.

but, but Yoda, I'm not addicted to masturbating. You will be. You will be.

Hmm, Master

Yoda! Y-

Yonah might have

Uh-huh.

a point, but I

Yoda!

mean, I've got a working hand

haha

at this pubescent age. I'm crossing the threshold and
I have sudden urges like Padme. What's

I,

up with her?

is anybody else uncomfortable where

Yeah,

this conversation

Yes.

yeah,

is going?

I don't know.

I'm asking questions, but Chris is just really, really into the lore
in a way that I did not

Think

expect.

there's been a surge in my power converter!

Hahaha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Hahaha!
I mean that's that is maybe the real question here. What Star Wars
reference can you make?

for uh... I think the Death Star has been fired!

Hahaha

Oh no. L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

Yes.

Use the force, no-
Haha

The world is all around us. It's in our bands. Ha ha.

Yep.

What?

in my butt

Sorry, why'd you sound like John Lennon there?

Yes,

No,

yes,

Is

no, that was

it

keep

a bad

it going.

that

sign?

was a very good no, that was a good sir alaguinist

Thank you,

impression

thank

I like

you. It's all around us, man. Just do

Yeah,

it, man.

okay, now it's

It's

John.

gone.

Now it's John.

It's changing.

Now it's John Lennon.

All you've got to do is imagine.

I imagined.

Hahaha!

I hate

imagine

it here.

the four

in Japan.

Back to the movie we watched.

No, but the question

Ugh.

we have to address the question, does Luke masturbate with his old hand or his
new hand?

You gotta think that he does it with his new hands after he gets it, right?
At least once.

At

But it's

least

cold.

once. It's cold.

It's it's caught it's coarse and it's annoying it gets

It's

everywhere

He's

rough

like,

of course, then it gets everywhere.

yeah, that's right.

That's

Ha ha!

the best answer, we're done.

Got him. We're done moving

Well yeah,

Actually,

on.

Hahaha!

there's

yeah.

one more. Size matters not.

Now,

I hate

all

you.

right.

Oh no, judge me by my size,

Chris,

do you?

Okay.

I gotta

There you

ask

go.

you a question since

Yeah, fire

you're Yoda.

it. Hmm.

Yoda also hangs out with a lot of young children. Is Yoda

Wait a minute.

a groomer?

Hey, it's YodaGroomer2.

Hahaha!

Is this

Please?

a whole goddamn

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

society? They are a lot like the Catholic Church.

Pleading the fifth I will.

Hehehehehehe

Listen,

Uh, it's possible.

both, both Yoda

Yep. All

and the emperor only

right.

ever refer to Luke as young Skywalker. That's, I think that's a giveaway
that the young part is very important.

Right.

The old Skywalker

I mean...

is like sliced up

Olden

like sausages

Busted,

and fucked.

Skywalker.

Yeah, exactly.

When you really...

Exactly.

New hot new hotness

This is opening my

Yeah.

eyes to a

Hahaha!

They want

whole new...

that new hot

When you really step back and just look at the entire Jedi order, it's
older

Oh no.

men getting children and then banning those kids from having any sort of
sexual intercourse with other people, and then

Yeah!

only having them around them alone

All that pent up frustration?

with

So

No.

what

one-on-one

you're saying is that the

with their masters, their dom

and we'll be back in a

masters.

week.

That's right. There's only

Thanks for

one,

watching.

one each, right? They only have one person they're training at the
same time. Right? So they can't, sorry, is that a cat?

Hehehehe

They put the cat in here to take a shit.

Oh.

Ah, lovely. Professional podcast.

Which is clearly

Ahem.

how they have the respect for our process.

This is,

This is why this podcast is ending.

Yeah,

yeah, they

dude

respect

on

the

camera.

podcast,

You

totally.

ever wonder how the sausage gets made in podcasting? Enter
the open door dropping ca- AHHHH I MUST TAKE A HIT!
SHIT

Hahaha

I MUST! WAAA

Listen, let's get back to the important topic we're talking

Yes.

about.

Yes.

So

And that is

let

that.

me...

Brooming in Star Wars.

Yeah,

No.

so Spencer, are you saying that the Jedi Order is the Catholic Church?

Yes. With...

Ha ha ha!

But with more... ..than a mordrooming!

grooming.

Which is a bold claim. I...

I see.

I would... yeah, I would...

That cat's really giving her.

..

The cat, the cat, the cat got,

AHHHHHHAH

the cat got notes. Ugh, I can't open

Nice.

the door.

Um,

Yes.

that's great. Chris is currently throwing the cat out of the window.
Um,

Ha

Thanks

ha!

for watching!

no, I, okay.

And

So.

this applies to all the stuff. Just remember, imagine Qui-Gon Jinn going to
that planet with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan's like... Like 20s, he's getting a
bit older, and he sees Anakin, he's like, This one's the best one. He's the

Hehehe

future.

Ha ha

It's

ha!

And they're like, uh, Qui-Gon,

like,

you haven't even finished training your current boy toy.

wait, it's

He's

like,

the

and

future!

they like,

Master

and

Quagga,

he, they're

I

like,

haven't quite finished learning

oh,

how

look,

to flip

it's

burgers.

like, he has his midi-chlorian count is so

Hey!

high. Can we take him? Can we take him away from his mother forever?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Should we take him home with us?

The worst part is that everyone's mad because he's too old.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeah, yeah. That was the

He hasn't... he can't be taught properly

best.

because he's

The whole

too

Jedi

old.

Council,

Eh, eh,

he's

eh.

too

the

old

He's...

for us!

He's set in his ways at 10.

Hehehe

We need

Mm-mm.

to get them younger.

No.

So they can learn our ways properly. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I don't

Well,

like this.

I can't watch Star Wars ever again.

I'm not com- I'm not comfortable with this.

He's too old said the

This is

700

the bad.

year old man

This is the, this is the verbal bad touch.

For 800 years I've been teaching these

Ha ha!

Teaching...

younglings.

I'm sorry.

teaching children!

Listen,

Oh God.

it's too much.

Let's

Put

segue

on this

off of...

robe! Put on this robe and come out!

Oh

And grab this rod!

So wait, that really gives another dimension to show me on the puppet
where

Yes.

he hurts you.

Show me with the force how-

Yeah

how they hurt

I gotta

you.

ask one more question before we segue off this.

Do

I don't think

it.

we

Oh

could

no.

ever segue off this.

Are you sure?

We'll

Do

see.

it. Do it.

There's

Thank

a lot of

you.

focus on lightsabers.

Oh no.

Are those what the laser swords are called?

Yeah?

Are you

Yeah?

sure?

Why

Well,

not?

the... Why, I, would you, yes?

They're not just secretly referring to penises all the time.

Oh

Oh,

So if

I

you,

mean,

so you want us

if,

to reflect, okay, go ahead, go ahead.

wait,

Ahem.

if space balls is anything to go by, then absolutely yes.

they are analogies for the

Let's watch.

wang.

Use the Schwartz.

I'm out.

If

Okay.

you

Ha ha

press

So

ha.

the button,

I think you're onto

it'll

something

grow!

there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, that was my fault. I'm moving off of this.

Too much! It's a

Grow,

lot.

my saber will!

Hahaha!

Back to...

Even this power!

Hehehe

Back to Star Wars. Let's ask a serious question about Star Wars, okay?

Okay,

Okay.

you can try it

On

again.

the Battle of Hoth, we see Luke flying around with his buddy Dax,
and they are going to try to take down an AT-AT walker before it
destroys the shield so everybody can escape, right? At one point,
Luke's ship gets hit by a shot, and it looks like it short circuits
out Dax's ability hook and DAC passes out.

Which planet?

Then on Hoth.

Hoth.

It's the Battle of Hoth.

They should have called it Colth. Thank you.

Keep

Can you

going,

kick him?

just keep

Can

going.

you kick him?

Thank you very much.

Can you kick him?

Have a good day.

You're done.

Mute him! Mute

That was the

him!

best joke of

Mute

this entire

the bastard!

Okay

show.

I hate my life. Um, back to Hoth.

Hahaha!

Um, uh, Dak gets passed out, um, or seems to pass out, or a little
blood in his face, so who knows. And then Luke also then gets hit
by another shot and he can't control a little speeder and they
crash into the snow. Um, my question for you is did Luke murder
Dak by not making any attempt to rescue him whatsoever?

Oh.

I mean, it's

Hehehe.

at least

Oh, that's-

manslaughter.

Yeah, he didn't even check

He

his pulse.

no he goes back in and he's like he gets out and he's like Dax that
he's like you think he's going Oh, he's going back for that. Now.
I just need his lightsaber Sorry, Dak

Yeah.

He's like,

Nah.

help

You gotta

me!

Excuse

eat this.

me,

Help me add in

Dak

my lifesaver.

Dak. Let go of my lightsaber

I'm just laughing.

Wait, are we going back to the last question?

No!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something tells me that this is... I thought Dax must
be dead because his corpse is grooming and groping

Well,

my

he

lightsaber.

The fuck?

but then he gets but then that Dax is a Dax.

I think it's DAX. Or is

Thanks.

it DAX?

Dex.

But Dax surely dies when he gets stepped on by the

Smushed.

AT

The AT&T,

walker,

Yes.

right?

yeah.

Yeah. He's dead.

No

For

remorse.

sure.

No

So.

Sarah

No,

McLaughlin

I think, I think.

playing in the background for Dax.

Nah, we don't care.

I think Matt's question is if it's like, you know, reckless neglect, murder

Yeah.

or something like that.

It's not

war

murder,

time.

he didn't plan on doing it, but he took advantage of it so it's manslaughter.

He's like, Dax, no! He's like, Luke, help me. No, Dax, you're dead!

No you're dead!

Oh god,

You

Heh.

it's

died

so horrible.

so long ago! You died so long ago I can't do anything

It's so

about

sad.

it!

Oh, ADAD coming right here. Oh no! Oh, he squished, oh no. Yeah.

Just

You have to

Look,

using the lightsaber

look

as like a...

uses the force

put

to move the foot.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehe hehehehehe hehehe hehehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

on him. Well, this is awkward.

Oh no! He's just sliding it under the AT-AT. Oh no! He's dead! No, look!
I'm alive! Shut up! You're dead! Nooooo!

This is... I

Right before that,

done

Dax

it.

was like, I'm thinking about asking Leia out. He's like, yeah, good idea,
good idea.

I

Oh no, Dax, you're dead. Nobody

I want to

bangs

know what

my

was

sister

going through

but

the

me.

mind. Yeah, like that's totally the mindset. You just like
opened up the door into Luke's mindset, leading up
to Dax's that he's like, I can't have, I've gone so
far. I can't have, I mean, I'm just gonna have to
add another, another body to my co-pilot tallying. So, I'm

(43:39):
just gonna call it workplace wartime hazard. AT-AT, what
happened?

I'm sure.

Because no one asks about Dax ever

Nobody,

more

nobody

from there,

at

right?

no.

That's

No

true,

one.

nobody asks, they just assume he's dead.

Maybe, so maybe Luke didn't kill him. Maybe like before he goes
out there, the general's like, hey Luke, can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So Dax

Yeah, he

sucks.

needs to go.

He takes

Can you

all

just make sure he doesn't come back from this

there's

mission?

donuts

Know what I'm

in

saying?

the office.

Yeah.

He eats them

Wink,

all. He

wink.

doesn't share any of the donuts.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

He takes them.

You know,

They're hard to

It's

replicate.

a one donut

you know

per

why?

person system and he's going three, four deep. That's a line.

You know why that's very credible as a theory? Because unlike basically
every single other person, he's not like commander Dax or general Dax.
He's just Dax.

Stacks Potter.

So it's like nobody likes him.

Mm-hmm.

Nobody likes him. I think your theory is right, man. Someone called some
general somewhere, because they have like, all of them are generals. Dax
just needs to go. Just make sure he doesn't.

only one he's a Jared

I

of

picture

the

Dax being like,

of the rebellion

in a meeting, he'd be like, but guys, the Imperial has some good points.

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

And I just think

I

we should hear

Hahaha!

them out. And they're like, okay, yeah, for sure, Dax.

Yeah.

You guys tried this jelly donut? No, Dak, you eat them all.

No, we didn't get any.

Yeah.

See, the Death Star's a lot like a jelly donut. Inside,

Hahaha!

the juicy, juicy set.

Oh,

Dax, you're flying with Luke today.

careful that because the

And

last

just

lesson

throw

you

them,

make sure

just throw them, you know what? Stick decks where our 2D2 would go and
just leave them

Yeah,

there.

he always gets shot there.

Hahaha

Wow.

So,

So

short

yes,

answer.

Dirk.

I think he was just following orders, but

Okay.

yes, he

It

did

was a political

definitely

assassination.

murder Dax.

Now that explains why nothing happens to Luke. No

No,

one's

no.

like, hey,

Yeah.

why did Dax die? There's no inquiry into Dax death. It's just like,
it just moves on.

No, no.

He walks back, there's

seconds.

a- if you notice there's like a little wink at one point when he comes back.
And then he offers him a- Yeah. And they have the- And then they go,
Jelly donut? Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Hahaha!

Yeah,

He just gives

you did.

the general the finger guns, he's like

Pew pew yeah!

And then it

There's

fades.

enough for everybody now!

That's

All right.

the director's cut.

That's

It's

great.

the

Now

alternate

I love it.

ending.

We

This

all

is

missed.

great investigative journalism here.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, next question. The Rebellion appears to... or they make the
Rebellion out to not have money, not have funds, like they're going
planet to planet, running from the Empire, have not enough resources
to get things done. Yet, you know, they're dishing out X-Wings,

(46:27):
Luke just shows up, give him a brand new X-Wing. Don't ask for
credentials, don't ask any questions. They've got this planet Hoth,
like they've got like a complete underground bunker. They've got
all these defenses set up. I just want to know like, how is, what
is the rebellion doing to fund this? Like are they, they're selling
NFTs? Um, how are they,

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh no!

how are they getting this done?

No

Mmhmm.

one's cheering for them now. NFTs for everyone when we take over

Hahaha.

the galaxy.

Huzzah!

Yeah.

You'll have all the JPEGs you'll dream of. We're

Oh, we're

FINALLY!

gonna make bank! We're gonna make bank!

going to the moon, baby.

And this is why

That's

Dax,

a good question.

yeah, it's

Because

why

like, every, like all of their technology is garbage, right? There's
nothing ever new. Like the Empire, everything is like pristine and nice
and like polished and everything the rebellion has seems like it went through
at least a couple of garbage dumps. Somebody wiped their asses

Yeah, it's

with

like six.

some

It's

parts.

like six generation ships. You know, it's like the old

Yeah.

iPhones. Like

Hmm...

they're rocking iPhone 13's and they have like iPhone

Yeah...

twos. They're just

They're

making

Yeah.

not

it work.

that sleek. And like, especially when you think about...
Hmm?

Is it just a matter of there being a lot of half-useful garbage that they...
Because remember when the Millennium Falcon is hiding

Mm-hmm.

a bug on the star? They're so incompetent, those fuckers. But anyway,
when it goes like, oh, if they follow Imperial standard procedure, they're
going to dump their garbage before jumping to light speed. Maybe... that
garbage is stuff that they can actually use. And that's how like the rebellion
just goes around towing garbage around,

Yeah,

trying to find


useful shit.

it's a good point. It's a very wasteful galaxy. I

Yeah.

don't see a lot of recycling. I don't the dump that they hide in the first

posting.

movie. It's just a bunch of metal and shit.

Composting.

done.

They literally just piss all like the metal shit from the starstras.
There's like get out of here to space get

Yes.

fucked

Yeah, just leave it there. Like, can you imagine how fucking, like, it's
just a trash dump in space. Like, you take off from a planet, you will
run into like toilets and shit floating

Mm-hmm.

Just

in

going

space.

light

I don't

speed

know.

in like a little stray

Hehehehe,

bolt,

Turd.

yeah!

like a little

Yeah.

screw in space just right through your head.

Yeah.

Well, it's

or

a good

like

point

turds.

Spencer. They make a big deal over like plotting hyperspace points.
It's like dangerous You can't just like fly through a moon or something
But like there's some trash ever in space that floats

Yeah.

around can't go through a moon But can go through a space turn blow
up your ship

But

Yes! Sir,

bricks.

another one down from the space turds!

Sif Lord

Yeah.

butt bricks. Oh

Yeah,

my God.

I think it's safe to say their ships are made of Imperial garbage. And

Face turds.

Yeah.

yeah, it's just, it's just, and also like a lot of the planets they go
to, there's just trash everywhere and the trash

Yeah,

is all metal.

everything is like, yeah, it's like scrap metal everywhere. There's always
some junker doing something.

And I feel like you take down

Yeah.

one of those Star Destroyers. You got enough material to make like 10, not
even 10. It would be like 20 X-Wings.

Oh, much more,

Yeah, those

much

things are

more.

gigantic, so there you go.

Yeah. They're like a kilometer, like in length, the small ones.

actually.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

BLEH

Well, yeah. I mean, I had to at one point, right?

They, uh, yeah. So there's your answer, sir. You're welcome.

Thank you. Let's segue to a bit of a lighter topic. Does Luke deserve
to get his hand cut off?

I'm going to go ahead and

and

close the video.

Is it a lighter topic because he lost the way of his of the hands

Maybe.

that way? Okay

So the question is, does Luke deserve to have his hand sliced off by the
end

Yeah,

by

so

his

spoiler

father?

alerts if you haven't watched this, what is this? It came out in
like early 80s, so it's like a ffff...

No, it's literally our age, man.

That's

Yeah,

not a

so

spoiler

it's

1980.

a 40-

alert.

spoiler alert if you haven't watched this 42 year old movie.

Yeah,

Luke gets

fail.

his hand cut off at the end of the movie. And I'm just wondering
if like he deserves it, because he's like, he goes to Yoda to get
groomed and...

Runs away

He runs away,

wisely.

which is smart,

Also,

but as-

I

Yeah.

think Yoda also says he's too old.

He

If

does.

I'm not mistaken.

Oh yeah, 100%.

Anyways, he goes and leaves Yoda and he doesn't finish his training,
right? He's like, and then I was like, oh, if he, if you don't finish
your training, you're going to die or save them and blah. Anyways,
but he goes and gets his hand chopped off because he's ill prepared
to like face Vader. So like, does he deserve it? Like did he get
what he deserves?

Did that accomplish

I think

anything?

so.

Does him going there accomplish anything?

No.

He was impetuous and didn't have

Yeah.

any sort of plan whatsoever but to go and see

Well,

what happens. Like,

I mean,

it's classic,

it.

I'll close, but it's like this. Luke fucked around and
so he found

Yeah,

out.

you did.

Found out, yeah,

You just fuck around

for

and find

sure.

out.

Because like the whole point, like being half serious for a second, the whole
point is that Yoda said, yeah, let your friends die because it's for
the best for

if you believe

like

in what

you

they're fighting

and the galaxy.

for.

You want him to have any

Yeah,

connections to the outside

yeah,

world?

of course, of course. But then Luke is like, fuck this, I'm not gonna
let my friends die even if I suffer in the process. So that's kind of
the reason why he goes. But to answer your question, he wasn't prepared,
so I think he got what he deserved, you know, to Chris's point. Fucking
around happened and then finding out happened.


Yeah.

Yeah, um,

It just follows.

he

He

did,

did.

he did deserve it after what he did to Dax.

Yeah. Yeah,

see,

it's karma.

Cava.

it's

Yeah.

the will

That was just

of the

karma.

force, you might say. Balance.

Yeah, and then

But

that's when

we

Vader

just said

said,

Dak

is

deserved to die.

Ah, ah,

that

ah.

Hahaha!

true?

People

That

need

Vader's

jelly

like,

donuts.

Vader's like, that was for Dax.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

How do you know?

You never leave a wingman behind,

As

son.

as he was as he was pelting Luke With in slow motion

Yeah.

with like boxes. This is for Dax and

Yes.

this is for Dax

And that's for Dax. And that's

Yep.

for Dax.

Okay.

And you should leave because I don't want my son near the Emperor!

Ha ha.

No, he wants him. He's gotten into the grooming thing

That's

too.

true.

That's how DP's in. He's just like off ramp as kids.

He's... Yeah, he's

Hahaha!

deep in the

is

grooming

fucked.

cult.

And also remember when Luke decides to actually go and then Obi-Wan says,
oh, he's our only hope. And Yola's like, no, there is one more. It's like,
so he's like, ah, one leaves, we have another kid. It's going

There

to be fine.

is another.

Plenty of kids to

There's

groom

another

here.

child.

I mean, train here.

Mm-mm.

Anyway.

Moving on! Uh, where are we at? Oh, hey, um, everybody knows Lobot,
right? The dude with

Yeah.

like

No.

the, the headphones on, on Bespin.

Everybody knows Lobot.

Yeah!

Cloud City's

David

number...

Lopan? From Big Trouble Little China?

Uh, no?

Okay.

The

Cloud

cloud

It's.

City's

cities.

number one DJ, bringing you all your favorite rebellious,
I mean all of your cloud

HAHAHAHAHAHA

farming manufacturing hits.

He's a drive

One station.

time shock rock DJ, Lobot.

little button sounds like a Decepticon.

I've got you covered.

Lobot doesn't talk to anybody ever.

Does he

except

not?

for when he's on

Right.

the radio. He's on- when he's on the radio,

Yeah,

he's

when

in

he's on

the-

the radio, but when he's not on the radio, he's just hanging out
with Lando.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

He doesn't

Mm-hmm.

really talk or say much.

Hahaha!

So,

LOL

Lobot,

Yeah

Ha!

he doesn't talk to people. He barely acknowledges Lando. He's like around,
but kind of stares through him at times and like once in a while acknowledges
him. I assume he can't hear Lando at all. Because he's a DJ, he's
always looking for the next hits to play for his fans. I just want
to know what is he listening to on his headphones, that thing that's wrapped
around his head that keeps him distracted from doing his actual

(55:06):
job, whatever it was.

What's he listening to on his beats by Dre?

Yeah.

Yeah, K-I-I-S, easy listening FM. That's what it's listening to. It's easy
listening all the time.

I think he's just

Oh, haha, the Benny Hill theme song! That's just in loop. Ha ha ha!

I think he's just listening to

What are you listening to, little bot? You wouldn't
know it.

You wouldn't

Yeah.

understand

you.

it

Yeah, you wouldn't get it. It's it's an on the on the down. Let's see.

Yeah Do you think that's why he's just always glaring

Yeah.

because he's pretending to listen but he's like actually just listening
to his beats

So is he listening to the guys in the Mos Eisley Cantina or is he

Yeah.

listening to Max Rebo, the blue elephant from Jabba the Hutz Palace?

Oh God. The one with the guy who's like

I think

DABA

he's

DOOBIE

listening

DABA DOOBIE DABADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOBADOOB

to... Yeah.

I'm gonna get

Oh

it

the

I think

George

he's listening.

Lucas edition?

Ha ha

Oh.

ha.

I'm sorry.

And then there was an

his

alien woman as well. I think they added her

That's

in

the one

one

he's

of the...

Yeah,

talking about.

Oh,

yeah,

I thought there

no,

was a...

He's listening

Okay,

to

there's

yeah.

the

a woman and like a

music

very gay

from that band of the first episode of Star Wars Visions. He has bad

Oh

taste,

god.

basically.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

That's a deep cut, but it's

This

terrible.

I know.

guy, this guy, you know what? We're done with this question. Luciano
ruined

I was

it.

gonna say

You...

chill-

My work

you... you

here

ruined

is done!

it so

I was

much.

gonna say sped up chill hop, but those answers were so
much better.

The worst. Okay, next question.

Sped up jobs.

I'm gonna go.

Fucking hell. Ha ha.

Think about that.

You're all familiar

Let

with

it

the

marinate.

back to tank, correct? The back to tank shows up at the end of this
movie. They, they stuff Luke into it. Actually beginning movie.

Yeah!

They stuff him into it when he comes in from, from being frozen
on Hoth.

Right.

Um, and he's bobbing around and twitching out and shit. Um, we also
see the back to tank used in other movies heavily in the Boba Fett
series. He like lives in there and Boba

Obi-Wan.

has a, just a ton of like, we're calling the memories, but maybe
stripping out. We don't know, but I want to know like what. The back
to is healing you but like what is the back to doing to you on a
mental level while you float around that goo?

First

There's

of

gotta

all, it's not

be.

goo, it's essential oils.

Oh no.

Mixed

Okay?

with

It's frankincense,

psychosobin

it's frankincense.

or whatever the fuck is in mushrooms. So

Hmm.

what's it called? Psychosobin? Psych...

Silo so, silo so, silo so good,

Oh, I

It's

yeah.

thought

that.

it was the Vagina candle from Goop. My bad.

That's


melted

Oh my

and

god.

poured in there too. That's to enhance the

That's when you're really

experience.

hurt. That's the only time they use that.

Jelly

Yeah.

donut jam and Boston cream donut cream.

That's,

That's what Dax

So

was

that's,

doing with all those donuts.

that's in your mind. That's just floating in your mind.

I think

It's inceptioned.

the one thing we can say that is for sure that happens to you while
you're in there is you're having aggressive psychosexual hallucinations
for sure.

Judge Dredd level?

like

I

it

mean,

like

Oh

no,

god.

like a demolition man. Like put these on!

Demolition man.

AHH!

Yeah, exactly.

I just picture in Boba Fett it's like

It's Andrew Bullock.

put on your diaper and strap in go for a ride

That's why he needs a diaper, because all kinds of shit happened

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

there. Literally.

don't go in a back to tank without your diaper you never know what's

Yeah,

gonna happen in there

haha

you think it's

You don't

underwear,

know what's gonna

it's

come

just

out.

like, it's all made of plastic so it can hold the fluids.

Uh, um, yeah, it's a, it's, it's a drug tank and they're tripping balls
much like

some

a,

sped up. Yeah, yeah.

much like Luke on that planet when he saw himself. He's like, what am I back
in the back to take? This

the

is trippy

Wow,

shit.

I don't know, sooner than I thought. And then there's
like, there's a, cause it's a somewhat of a harrowing process,
like having accelerated healing going on, right? So

A

like

heroin process?

harrowing.

I know, I know.

And like, don't forget, like, what are people, what do
people hear when they're, they're in all five senses,
right? We covered a number of them, but what do you

Spat

hear?

up,

It was a bit...

Sped

spat

up enya,

up psycho pup.

sped up enya.

Now

I'm so

I wanna

happy

be with

that

you!

I'm

Oh

still

my

with you,

God.

and I'm so happy that I'm with you.

That sounds like torture.

I actually think that just hear what all three of you did at the
same time.

Yeah, yeah!

Yeah.

Hahaha!

truer words were never spoken.

How, so like, is there, you think there's that, like if that's happening,
do you think there's a max amount of back to tank time you can get
before you're just like, you come out crazy?

[Jabba the Slut] (01:00:00):
Oh yeah,

[Boba Fett sucks] (01:00:01):
Yeah,

it's like the Joe

yeah,

Rogan

look up.

sensory deprivation tank.

[Give yourself a hand] (01:00:04):
Yeah.

[the pimps new groove strikes back] (01:00:04):
Mm-hmm.

You go in there too long and what

You

happened

go

to him

full

will happen

Joe

What?

to

Rogan.

you. You go full Joe Rogan.

Why

Yeah,

do

exactly.

you? Why do you think Boba Fett looks like he does in his series? It's
just

He's like, dude,

too much back

I've

to

been

think.

just fucking going hard on elk meat.

hahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Fucking Magic Monster's man. And I've seen the world through another lens,
bro. You know,

Okay

have you ever seen a bear fight a wolf? Just never

Hahaha!

go full Joe Rogan.

I just want to ask you

the

something. I just want to ask you something boba like
based on The amount of time you spent in this in back
to tanks. Tell me have you ever craved placenta?

Dude, don't even talk about

Jesus

placenta

Christ.

like it's like it's a weird thing. OK, OK. Have you ever

Oi oi

if you've seen that video of like a Neanderthal,

Uh...

like the one that was like the missing link, it's out there,

Yeah.

man. It's out there, man. And I'm just I don't know for sure. I'm just
asking questions. Just

Uh-huh.

ask me questions.

Why did Boba turn fully into Joe Rogan now?

Hmm

because

Because he

he

spent too much time in the back

was

of the tank.

in the den of

Ah,

sensory

See?

deprivation,

okay,

I think.

You come

I

out,

see.

you come out Joe Roganed.

Yeah, that's bad.

It's the Rogan effect.

Oh no.

I'm

experience

not saying the earth

effect.

is flat, but I'm just putting the question out there.

I

Yeah.

mean like if you just rub placenta juice over your lower
half of your face

What the fuck is up with you and Placenta,

Blitz-blitz.

dude?

Because

I know.

he had a guest. He had a guest who showed up like

Oh no.

Yeah Hey,

Don't knock it till you try it, man.

so that's boba, you know

Yeah,

Why

that's...

do you think

That's...

I'm sipping?

It's not Clamado

Oh!

So

Hahahaha!

that's happened.

God, that's so gross.

Oh my

Three

god.

guesses!

Take, take,

It's...

take us away,

Bloody

man.

Cl-

Mary on the table!

It's...

Get us

Clam

outta here.

placenta juice.

I want to ask you a question about the movie we watched.

One

Ha

movie?

ha!

The Empire Strikes Back.

What now?

Empire,

Please!

the Emperor's new groomers.

Hahaha

Ezra Miller,

Why,

you sly dog.

why, so in the movie, Luke goes missing and

Mm-hmm.

there's a big to-do

I'm

made

sorry.

around the blast doors. Like you gotta close the blast doors overnight.
What, like, what's the deal with the blast doors? Cause once the doors
are closed, it's like you die is the impression they give you. Like
you can't open them for anything. Like, I just don't understand
why it's such a big deal. Like what if Han Solo or what if Luke

(01:02:43):
came back 1 a.m. and he's like, hey guys, I'm here. They're gonna
be like, oh, sorry, dude. Doors are closed for the night. Hope
you have a good time dying.

Guess

Ha

you're

ha ha.

dexed now!

I'm going to go to

Hello?

sleep.

I took a wrong turn at that one or

You know

two

the rules.

weeks. Damn it.

You know the rules and so do I.

Uh... That's a good question

I

though.

think that the, if I'm not mistaken at night there, it's so cold. You
just die. Right. That's

Mm-hmm.

why he had to go inside the, uh, Tom

bantha

Tom.

Tom

or so tonton

Tom.

yeah but if that's true hansolo should've died cause hansolo just dug
a snow pit and he survived so like i don't think he'd die that badly if
he can get in some snow and bunker down

Hmm, that is a good point. I think

Hmm.

they, um, they just have a strict, uh, no policy, you know, rules are
rules and policy is policy. You don't want to deal with the fallout of
a lawsuit. That's my answer.

Wait, who's gonna? Who's gonna sue who?

Fucking Daxwood.

No, he's dead, it's fine.

He's

I

not

asked

dead

you

yet.

where they got their funds from, we came up with nothing, so I don't
know what you're suing for.

Yeah, well, it's not nothing. It's just that they're in

Space

a

junk.

trade

Listen,

business

if we're being

in

serious.

a bent in a barter business

They get their funds from people who are undercover within the Empire.
We learned this in the show and or which you would know if you.

Oh, the

Yeah,

woke

we did.

liberal elite.

Yeah,

Literally,

wake up

literally,

people.

the

that's literally

Literally,

what it is.

that is 100%

I gotta

accurate.

say guys, these Empire biscuits are not all they're cracked
up to be. Have you ever tried rebellion wafers? I mean,

Get him!

they're...

Shut

What the

up,

fuck

Dex!

are you talking about?

No, no, I was talking, I was someone on the Empire
side talking.

Fuck you, Dax.

It's always tags.

So there's the Dax on

I

every

don't know.

side. Yeah. Okay.

So Matt, I think what the problem is, is because it's so cold, the heating
is very expensive

Mhm.

inside that

and they're

base.

poor.

Hydrobills.

If you keep opening the blast doors

Don't

when it's

let

cold,

my heat

then

out!

Yeah

No.

your heating

Don't

bill

let

goes

out

up.

all

That's

my

it.

heat!

There's a bond security guard that's like, what are you raised in a barn?
Close

I'm sorry.

that damn

hahahaha

door!

the

Jared, god damn it for the fifth time!

Yeah, is

Yeah.

it?

So it's basically that Noah wants to deal with Jerry,

Yeah,

yelling

yeah,

about

Yeah.

the heat loss. So

it's

they made

the

a strict

angry dad.

ball shit closing the door.

Listen, it's the Jerry, it's the J protocol, okay?
He's fucking, he's the next Dax, I tell you. Dax ate all

I'm

the jelly donuts.

hahahaha

Jerry won't shut the fuck up about the heat and he keeps
hogging all the blankets, okay? We're ass out. Could

Hey

someone?

Jerry, Luke needs a new wingman!

the

I knew what?

New

I knew

wingman!

wig bed.

And your wingman.

Wink!

Oh really? Okay, well I'll make sure I lock it down and
make sure everything is totally insulated. Look at it,

We'll

space is

even

cold!

make sure that there's a heated blanket up there

Space

for you.

is cold!

So it can short out really quickly. I mean, it can get really warm really
quickly.

Luke, have you ever thought of using a hot water bottle
between your groin when you fly?

Jesus I think I yeah, I think look we just kill

Oh,

him

quit.

before taking

Yeah.

off

I tell ya!

Shut the shut the fuck up Jerry

I was

Jesus

I was

Christ

I was on I was on and best been one time and this nice
fellow There was easy just put the hot bottles on
my groin inside a canteen at first I thought this is
not what I was expecting, but you know what I Warmed
up to it

Uh, Jerry, uh... BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


Yeah

movie.

Yeah, there's too many, you can't, hydro is no joke in these

Yeah.

streets.

Okay,

And the rebellion,

Jerry.

In half.

a not, for not, I'm not, I'm not Jerry anymore. Not
being

You sound

a not-for-profit.

like him. You sound like him. That's all I'm saying. You sound like him.
That's

You know

all I'm saying.

what? You, go sit down and, go sit over there in the corner
and drink your not-climato.

That's what Jerry would say, is all I'm

No, no,

saying.

no.

It is. Yeah.

Um, all right, I think we've nailed most of this

Jelly!

question. I

Donuts.

think I have one, I have

I want

one more.

one.

Uh, it's a quick one. What

I'll

is

get

the

it

appropriate?

tomorrow.

So like the, the empire figures out that the rebellion is hiding out
on Hoth. Uh, cause they sent a little weird like droid that makes noises.

The probe.

The probe.

The most hated enemy in any Star Wars game ever.

Yeah.

You

Yeah, the one that C-3PO can't understand what he's fucking saying

They

even

were

though C-3PO

too big,

knows

but they were

four

as big

million

as the

different

other. I

times

don't know.

of communication. But whatever, fuck you C-3PO. You should

I'm

get

out.

daxed too.

Yes, fuck you C3PO.

But I want to know because they show up and the Imperial Navy's, the advancement
system goes into overdrive after Vader kills Admiral or whatever and promotes

Ha ha

Captain

ha!

Piet, I don't know why I remember his name, into being the Admiral.
I can use math because they popped out of hyperspace too close to
the planet. What's the right distance to show up to a planet before
you assault it to destroy a rebel base?

10.

10.

Yes, 10, just 10.

You know you know. So I'm playing.

No,

I

I

don't

think...

know that's why I asked the question.

Well, 10.

Well, quite

Uh

scientifically, when you fuck around, you find out.

Oh my God.

Here we go.

Okay, I'm gonna

That's not

try

a measurement.

to answer your actual question, Matt. I'm gonna attempt

All right.

it.

Let's talk to Jerry.

10,

Oh,

no, I'm

10?

kidding.

10 parsecs?

I think the problem was that the star destroyers are too big so they can
see them like from anywhere in the planet. But like... I think Vader was
just hankering for someone to kill. That's it. Like, if it wasn't, you
know, oh you got in too close, it would say you got in too far and then they

(01:09:03):
had time to escape or the Star Destroyer is sideways and I don't like
it or you know, it like makes all the goo inside my egg drip. I don't

Mmhmm.

know. He was just looking for someone to kill.

So

True.

you're saying that the bridges of Imperial Starter Strives are like
prison yards. Invaders comes in and sets the tone real quick with
whatever reason. Murders

Exactly.

the guy and then everyone

Find

works.

the biggest guy

Yeah,

and knock him out.

Yeah.

exactly.

Then you're gonna know who's in charge.

Yeah.

It's essentially

Yeah,

like

that's

a

it.

Kobayashi Maru, is that the correct enunciation?

That is the worst

Oh,

Yeah, you got

oh

analogy

my

it.

god.

though.

Yeah.

No, you can't. There is no perfect distance because
Vader is still coming to kill you.

that analogy is not apt

Yeah.

and I just regret

Arrrr

You know what's

it.

not

Also,

ass?

why?

Your face.

It's not apt.

that ass.

The dummy thick

Why did

ass.

he not kill the next captain at the end when the Millennium Falcon actually
runs away? He just walks away.

He's like, I've killed enough today. I mean, takes a lot
of...

I've met

Yeah,

the quota!

I've met

I mean...

the quota and like, you know, the force is... I do a
lot of good stuff with the force, but I mean like
that kinder egg is calling and I got a lot of pent-up

Kinder eggs are

Sith

calling.

frustration. Whoa!

I want to sit in some amniotic

Hahaha!

fluid if you know what I mean

Oh no.

Gross.

Stir it up!

I do like the idea that you always gotta keep them guessing, right,
you can't just kill everybody all the time.

Yeah,

So

because

you're like,

then

you

Ah,

they're

kill,

gonna

yeah.

be like, I quit.

yeah,

It'd

Oh,

be comical too.

I see. It's like mind games. It's mind games.

yeah.

He's got

Yeah,

to kill

okay.

enough people that people underneath they're like I'm gonna get moved
up pretty quick But not too many where they're like, but when I get there,
I'm gonna just die too

Yeah.

You know, so they got there's gonna be an incentive But also

You gotta

realistically

think that as long as you don't fuck up too badly,

Yeah,

you'll survive.

and maybe sometime you'll fuck up and he won't kill you because he's
just you know, and then maybe you like to get choked a little

So

Oh yeah, there's that too.

this is a question I've

lol

been curious about, but I've been scared to ask because

Oh, you've

of

been panting

how

out,

poorly

you just...

Hahaha!

this...

..jumping

It's the last

at

podcast,

the bit.

so we can't get canceled. We're already doing it to ourselves.

Oh my.

Can someone, Lucy, do you know roughly how many people are on the
standard Imperial Star Destroyer?

10.

166.

It's, I think it's 30,000 or 13,000,

13,000?

something like that.

Okay, let's just go with that

Yeah.

number. We'll look it up to be accurate here. Of the 13,000 people
that is on this ship, you hear Vader is coming to your Star Destroyer
because he's doing something. He's gonna be there for a week. What percentage
of people on the Star Destroyer are clamoring to get on that bridge

(01:11:57):
because they just wanna be for sure. A little bit by Vader Daddy. Just
a touch.

My baby, my daddy Vader.

Daddy Vader. Think, like, I don't think everyone wants to go so
far as to get the Inexcess death. Was it Michael Hutchinson? Is that right?
Michael Hutchins? The

Yes.

lead singer of Inexcess

Is it?

where he autoreacted, asphyxiated

Oh,

himself?

yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Or like David

David

Carradine.

Carradine.

Let's go with that.

Yeah.

I don't think anybody wants to go so far as a David Carradine, but

Hmm.

you know Just a little a little something like you don't know how
far he's gonna go. Is he gonna is he gonna?

Oh, I

Choke

see.

him

Is

to

he gonna

death.

finish you

You're

off or

Harder...

gonna

is he

finish

just gonna

you

teach

off

you?

Harder

Mm-hmm.

Vatty. I mean, uh, I won't do that again, sir. Uh... uh...

Yeah, yeah and like

don't stop.

and if he really likes you does he also help you in other places as
he chokes you

Oh no.

It's just.

The force works in mysterious ways.

You are weak.

The force works in mysterious ways.

You gotta think

Actually.

that there's a good chunk of those people who are like, gluttonous for
punishment that way, I think.

Stenomaticus.

Like a good 30%, I

30%,

would say.

wow.

30%? What

Yeah.

the fuck?

Yes.

That's so

It's space

many people.

will do. Listen.

How many people

That's

is that

a lot

of 13,000?

of people.

That's like... That's like 4,000 people.
4,000 people like to get choked by

Yeah.

Lord Vader for sexual

Hey you know

pleasure.

what, I just googled this because I hate my search history. The
Guardian,

Yeah.

as of December 7th, says that a survey reports that 21% of women
and 20% of men reported choking during sex. So Luciano is

There

not

you go.

as crazy.

Wow,

I'm not that

that

far.

is,

No,

I mean, there's a speech getting

yeah,

like,

because...

like choking during sex and being force choked by the Sith Lord of the
Imperial.

You mean

I

Daddy.

mean, yeah, that's

Daddy Vader.
Very.

There's a reason.

Ehh!

There's a reason for the season. And if we've learned
anything from our many storied episodes on this podcast,
there, they think things happen. Okay. Things happen
when you indulge too much and 30% in space tells me
that too many people have been, too many people have

(01:14:23):
been taken pages out of Lieutenant Barclay's hollow deck.

Oh God, in space no one can

Hahaha

hear you scream if you know what I mean.

Hehehe

Everyone wear a sammoh

Yeah.

you know what I'm saying man? Oh boo. Oop oop oop.

More!

Because I think people would sort of flock to, you know, it was like, ooh,
maybe today is the day when Daddy Vady

Oops,

is going to do

uh, Vader,

something to me.

I spilled a coffee, I'm so silly!

Oh, oops

Yeah.

lord Vader the millennium falcon got away.

The military fog

Yes,

got away

yeah.

again!

Oh Dear

That one's on

Yeah.

me, guys. That one's on me. And then 30% of the crew... No, no, it was

Yeah.

my bad! No, no, that was actually

Me,

my bad.

It was me,

I told

it was me.

him it was

I

actually,

drove too fast.

listen.

I drove too fast.

I am

That's

Spartacus!

why we

I see a booger,

We

I've been

jumped

seeing

out

the

of hyperspace

same

too

booger

close cuz of me

on your helmet, Lord Vader, and no one wanted to tell
you about it, but listen, I'm glad it's there.

Shut up

It makes you look

or I'll

better.

choke all of you! Oh, oh, oh!

Can I volunteer?

Oh no,

I volunteer,

we wouldn't want that!

I volunteer as tribute,

the

Batty. I mean, Lord Vader.

Hahaha, very!

Reginald Reg Barkley effect.

You know

I keep

what?

choking

Uh...

them but they're not learning their lesson!

the

Emperor's like, Well then joke me, Vanny. I mean,

the

uh... Teach them a

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

lesson!

VADDI!

I haven't seen you this worked up in years.

Yeah.

Vanny have you tried just old fashioned spanking? It works for me!

Meh.

Yeah, my crew listens to me very well. Wanna give a little spanking.

Callback,

Okay.

the answer to the previous question around how many people
are staffed, right? On an Imperial class Star Destroyer,
92... 9,235 officers, 27,850 enlisted personnel, and 275
gunners. So

That's

it's

pretty

close

close,

to...

you

Oh.

were really close.

So it was 30,000 then,

No.

Yeah,

not 13,

but...

it was like 30,000.

and realistically only the 9,000 can get themselves choked.

Realistically, yeah.

Because they are

Hmm.

like...

True.

They're

Fetters...

the officers.

Yeah.

Fetters not going

Vader's

around.

not gonna choke some janitor? Yeah, yeah.

Although he might

Nah,

like

he

him.

wants it to mean something.

You gotta

To

choke

count.

a gunner every once in a while, you know?

put your hands on my gun right that's what he is that's
what the gunners

I'm

are

just

going

gonna

for

cut everything from what I said

Yeah,

to here.

yeah,

listen

that's smart.

So listen, I think

Reg Reggie

we've talked too much about Star Wars, I mean Star Trek for some
reason. Trish just really wants to get Star Trek in here.

That's not the same.

Is it a callback

Callback.

or was it just a different show entirely?

It's not

Ha

a callback

ha ha.

to when you reference Reggie from fuckin'

Think

Don't

it's

In-

call it

the

a comeback.

latter more than

We've

the former.

been here for years.

I guess it's a callback to the time before when he referenced Reg.

Yeah,

He's setting

Ha

himself

ha!

up for

I'm

callbacks.

still making the film.

That's right.

He might be a genius, but we're just not on his level. I don't know.
But, you know, I think we did

A

it.

genius

We've asked all the

like...

questions.

Berkeley... Go back!

Go

Hahaha,

ahead,

Peace.

get nailed it.

Yes.

yeah,

See you're getting it. Um,

it's a callback just cause I want it to be a callback.

but listen, I'm trying to end the fucking show, you monsters. We're
done.

We don't

Forever.

want to let it you do it. We don't

Well,

want to let it go.

we're gonna keep going. We're doing an entirely new show, focused

You will?

just

Good.

Hehehe

on movies,

I'm

because

good.

we're only gonna focus on questions like this for the next podcast.
We're gonna really dive into these movies and understand and unpack
them. Because listen, lots of people can review a movie and tell
you if it's good or not. I mean, we do that, but you don't listen
to us. We don't know about filming, lighting, lens flare,

Nah.

story,

Dolly's. Booming.

CGI.

Boomworks. Gaffer's tape. I'm gonna go ahead and put this
in the video. I'm gonna put this in the video.

Step sisters, step brothers, step moms.

Fluffers,

What the?

yeah.

What we do know is how to figure out the pieces that are missing.

Wow

Listen,

wow,

without

this

us, would you have

is

known

so cool!

that Star Wars is just an allegory for grooming? You're

Mmm.

I

welcome.

think we're

Hahaha!

really on something. There's going to be a fucking article written by like
BuzzFeed in the next a couple of weeks.

The Atlantic,

Nah,

no, the Atlantic.

it's gonna be on top 10.

Yeah.

Top 10 groomers in the Star Wars universe.

New York

HAHA

Times.

Do we need to make that list?

Maybe.

We might, and then make sure that 477847 Taclamato Juice

I hate you.

comes into.

Jesus Christ.

Well, listen,

I

call

hate

Joe

you.

back.

Rogan.

Callback.

Call back.

Come

Number

back!

one

Callback.

on the list is Reg Barkley!

So callback,

Callback!

Christmas cookies, what's the best cookie, and all the
lists that we went through and

Callback.

the different

It's

weirdos that put

just the

up stuff.

one

Yeah,

whose name escapes me.

that was good.

Anyways,

Fuck

before

that guy.

we leave,

Yeah.

let's, I just want to, I want to know what you guys thought about
our, what did we get to like a hundred and thirty

Oh

odd episodes?

More?

More. Yeah. Cause I

Yeah.

didn't even count

DO

like

IT!

the seasons and stuff. Like we did like 150

Yeah.

episodes. We've ranged from topics such as grooming to, listen, we
probably covered a couple other times as well.

Just that.

grooming

Hey, call back,

and

hand

hand

He's

gibbers.

gibbers.

anti-russian. Callback, nice, yeah. We talked a lot of nerd stuff.
I just, you know, what

Are

do

you

you,

getting

what do

teary-eyed,

you,

Matt?

no, fuck you.

No, it's allergies.

It's allergies.

Oh,

No,

okay.

it's what I know, like you have a favorite, favorite like callback.

Yes, I do have a favorite callback. It's one of our,
it's what, callback. Do you guys remember Battle Royales?
When

Yeah.

we had, we had

Yeah.

a favorite, uh, best starship? And then I said that Dr.
Who's TARDIS would go back. And I can't, I, oh, that's the
callback. I can't remember it perfectly, but there was
a zinger in, um, in one of those answers. And I don't
really want to say it because I think it's problematic.

We just talked about grooming in Star Wars for about an hour and
a half.

Yeah, I think we're safe with any... well...

out.

I don't want to butcher it. I think it had something
to do with either Nero or Romulus. Oh no, Caesar, Julia
Caesar. And like you're gonna betray me too

Whaaat? That

We may

never

think

happens.

sexualizing sounds like this.

This is,

I remember, all I

yeah.

remember from the episode is that there was a tuxedo made of asphalt
and someone was wearing

Hehehehe

That

it

was a separate episode,

and...

I think.

Yeah.

But that was

Oh, we

one,

did

that

No,

many.

was really

that's...

fun. Callbacks,

Yeah.

man, callbacks. Spencer, anything come to mind?

Um,

Pr-

I think one of my favorites was, uh, Gilbert Godfrey is a Gambit.

I'm sorry.

And the Gilbert Godfrey,

Yeah.

them to you universe.

We're geniuses! We're

Um,

legends in our own time!

that was a classic.

Should have happened.

Um,

Hehehe

If.

I- one that I remember from Spencer is, Hello, I'm Kratos!

Yeah,

It

Ha

was

ha

Yes.

like,

ha!

that gets a lot.

it was so fucking random.

Our

Hehehe

high school characters.

Yeah.

Spencer's dude and my chick.

Brody,

Brody.

Brody

Brody

and

Brody's

and

a classic.

Branagh

Jenna, Jenna.

Jenna.

and Steve AKA Jace. Yeah. Ha

Yeah.

ha ha.

Yeah.

Yes. And we played

Thank you.

Fiasco Holiday Office Santa Claus edition, that

Oh

heist

my

one, that one was fun

god. Yup.

too.

That went terribly.

I also

Yeah.

like the horror one that we did where we were playing

That went

horror

terribly.

characters.

We played it so wrong.

Yeah, we got better.

But that, you're wrong, you're wrong

Yeah.

sir.

Not anymore.

It was very,

No, now

Matt,

we're just.

any

I

comments?

honestly,

Oh, go ahead.

I, I liked it and it was kind of like, like Matt said in the beginning,
it sort of drifted into movies more because that's the stuff that the far
of us all like. But I remember like the earlier episodes and how like, shitty
we were at doing the intros. If you remember, Matt, it was so

Oh,

good

I forgot

and

every time.

hello Matt, what is it that everybody is wrong about today?

That's

Like,

that's

that

what

was

you should

I've

very

always

gotten

bad.

talk

much better.

Yeah, well, all

I've

of

improved

us did, but

completely.

like.

Hello. Welcome to your wrong.

I'm

I'm your

gonna

host.

go.

Well,

Uh,

yeah, it's

Yeah,

not

yeah,

just

yeah.

today

you.

we're going to.

It's just the lack of energy. It's not wooden lack of energy.

Isn't it?

No,

Well,

You're welcome.

it's not.

I would

But,

like to

but

take

I...

the one opportunity to thank our listeners. We couldn't be here without
you.

All three

Uh.

of

I

you.

thought you were gonna say we wanna thank our listeners
who couldn't be here for

who

this!

couldn't be here today.

Hahaha!

Yeah.

Um, that's what I should

Why

have

don't

said.

you

Nope. I

show up?

So we'll just accept your... on your behalf.

want to thank our listeners who couldn't be here today. Um, but seriously,
uh, if you do listen to the show, thank you. And, uh, follow us to our
next show, which will be bigger and bolder and it is called popcorn and plot
holes, which is more apt to what we talk about.

Just so we're

Just

clear,

to give...

I'm still the host and it'll never be Spencer.

that

Hahahaha

as

Just

it should

to

be.

give it... Yeah, just to give it as us moving from one
house to another house. And it's going to be a nicer
house.

We're just thinking about this.

It's gonna be spookier.

Instead of being groomed by Obi-Wan Kenobi, we're being groomed

Oh my god.

by Palpatine.

I would like to

Ha!

be, no, I don't wanna be groomed by Palutena. I would
rather be groomed by Kenobi, thank you.

I mean, got a Hugh and McGregor. Uh,

come on

yeah.

four days

Ford.

four days

What does that

call

mean?

uh

What?

call for room for days callback star wars visions that
mini series we really went in on that mini series that
was a lot of fun

We

too

missed the grooming. I go back and watch for all the grooming to
make sure.

Yeah, we got a

Goddamnit!

different filter.

Hahaha! It's there! It's gotta

Yo,

be

it's

there!

there.

We have one job! Damnit!

Look at it. I'm

Handjivers!

glad we're educating the internet. Yeah, no, I think I enjoyed the
one battle royale where we just started stabbing everybody with the
knife at the end of it.

Yes!

and then he comes back

Yeah.

and

We got

then

behind

he comes

him

back

and

That

I

stood

was

his

the

throat.

Yeah.

solution for all of the problems were

hear

stabbing

you

people.

oh man

Yeah.

dang

We

it

stabbed Batman and Robin even in

Yeah,

that

Batman

way.

that was...

was

oh

the one

wait

doing the stabbing. He

Yeah,

was the first

Batman

one to

was

slit

stabbing

someone's

everybody.

throat.

We

I'm out.

also had a battle royale with like epic duos and I think
I had Troy and Abed and then Matt asked a question about
how would your duo approach a ocean's 11 bank heist and
we had to like walk through it. And that was a lot
of

Yeah,

fun. And

that's

I think,

the one.

oh

That's

is it?

the one.

Okay.

Yep.

Great.

Yeah.

Wicked.

That's why, bye.

Yeah,

Yep.

that's that episode.

Love it.

Also, one of my favorite episodes that we did about movies was The Green
Night.

Oh

Oh

yeah.

When we came up with a lot of the format that

Thanks

we have,

Spencer,

like we evolved

you

it.

son of a

But

bitch.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah,

you're welcome guys.

the fucking the fucking shit trilogy that

we can

the

say this

trilogy

now,

that Spencer.

every time spencer

Yeah.

selected a movie for us, it laid the groundwork

Yeah.

for what would sort of become, yeah, plot holes and

Yeah, but

you fucked

we

us

got

up

there

in the

through

right direction.

pain and

I

suffering.

think I made three movie picks, and the movie picks were The Green

Yes.

Knight, which although well reviewed we all hated, Jurassic World Dominion,

Yeah.

and

Yup.

Matrix

Ha!

Resurrections.

And Matrix 4. Yeah, exactly.

This is the

Oh

worst

my god.

three movies of all time.

No, no, no. There was one more. There was one more, Eternals,

and eternal.

which also sucked.

You

Yeah.

really nailed that

Got

one.

a good track record.

That was the best one?

That was the best, best one.

Best

Of these?

one for what?

Yeah.

Best one

Yeah, exactly.

of those

for fodder?

four.

I believe

To

Spencer said it

dissect?

best when he said, it's 10.

Hahaha

Dead.

Jurassic World Dominion was a doozy.

Now, Matt, do

Yes.

we have a date for the new launch?

No. Yeah.

OK. Another question.

I'm just kidding.

Yep.

We're

We know

professional podcasters

if people are

here.

going to

Just stay tuned.

well, this channel become popcorn plotholes or people

No,

have to re subscribe.

you will need to go subscribe to Popcorn and Potholes on all of
your favorite podcatchers, wherever you need to be. It'll be listed there.
We listened to this episode. You can go and find it and add it,
but we need to put out a new feed to change the art and push everything
over in a nice clean way. So these podcasts will disappear at some

(01:26:55):
point in the future. So

Uhhhhhh

I have them saved in a hard drive that I'm going to...

into the sun.

I was going to say...

Seto, I'm gonna set on fire and put in a trash compactor.

I was going to say I'm going to dax them, but yeah,

Hehehehehehe

whatever you guys


want to say. Yeah.

We're on the same page. Yeah.

Yeah, these are

Damn.

all collectors items for your ears. You're welcome.

This is all future blackmail material.

That's a-

Oh yeah, 100%.

No,

This

no, no.

is mutually assured destruction

Yeah.

at its best.

Yes. The only thing I'm sad...

Exhibit A. You talked about Star Wars being about grooming children for
two hours.

Hahaha

The only thing I'm sad about is we

I

won't,

STAND BY THAT!

maybe we'll have to do a podcast where we got to review our predictions
for this year, because we're not going to know the results of our
predictions. I nailed the Dungeons and Dragons one. I'm very proud
of myself and I just want recognitions

We haven't

for

reviewed

that.

that. We can bring it over. So let's.

Yeah, maybe we will.

I did say that

I

I haven't

was right.

seen it.

I

Or

said

maybe

Dungeon

we'll

Dragons

forget

would

entirely

bomb.

about it and we'll never know.

except for

And no one

Gilbert

will care.

Godfrey as Gambit.

Yeah,

That's in the history

There's still

books.

that's

time.

sad.

Unfortunately didn't pan out,

There's

but

still time.

the year hasn't ended.

Listen, if they could bring Tupac back as a hologram,
we could get Gilbert in his gambit.

DuPoC's not dead, it's very different.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, listen.

Yeah, true.

Listen.

That's why we're getting canceled. Truth.

HAHAHAHA

I said it. I said the thing that he wants to say.

Uh oh.

Yo, yo.

Well.

Yeah.

I bumped the table.

good

Well,

times,

that is all the time we have

good

for

times

today

boys.

This time.

and forever on the

Not

Your Wrong

exactly.

Podcast.

There you go. Unless we get funding

Do you

and

want

decide

to let

to resurrect

me just do

it.

my job

We can't even,

or? Hey,

even on the last one, we

why?

can't finish it properly. Ha ha!

That's what she said.

You think when we go to the new podcast, you guys always let me
host in peace or

Nah,

No,

cool.

There's

of

I'm

course

looking

a good

not.

forward

chance

to.

that doesn't happen.

it's how we express our love languages. Go on.

That's all the time we have for today on the Your Wrong Podcast
forever. I'm not going to share the socials because who cares? Fuck

Fuck

them.

em.

But sign up for the new podcast, Popcorn and Plot Holes. If you
don't know how to spell those,

Fuck

fuck

you.

you. You go dachshund yourself,

Is this why we have so many

Is there

listeners?

an

go

apostrophe

dachshund yourself.

in plot holes?

Go dex yourself. Go dex yourself you fucking

An apostrophe?

dex. Oh yeah.

Well.

Don't be a reg.

Hey, for now,

Anyway,

I'm Matt.

not for now, forever.

Forever! Hey, you know what? I'm the fuck you, for now. I'm

Hahaha!

Matt.

There you go.

Luciana.

I'm Spencer and I will see you guys at Popcorn and Plot holes. Love you
guys.

That just, why did you, why did you, why did you bookend
it?

Yeah,

Like I can't, I can't.

yeah,

You just, you

that

just.

was that was terrible. This is this is why we're keeping you in the subliminal
space of

What's

this

wrong

podcast

with that?

And

Error.

also

I

Spencer.

was...

Chris.

Increase.

What? I still can't, I still can't sign off. Okay,
thanks. Yeah, I'm Chris. Thanks. Fuck. God.

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