Post Halloween

The good, bad and who stole candy?!?!?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
Firm Elvis Presents fifteen minute morning Show. All right, how
is everybody's Halloween? Right? Okay, Well I'm a little disappointed

(00:29):
in mine. I think we only had about fifteen kids
show up to the door. That was it. We had
the most kids, and I could not believe there were
hundreds and hundreds of kid who was unreal? Really work
out what you were given away? It was the busiest.
It was the busiest year in years. Well what was
what were you giving away? Well, I mean full size
Eminem's but still now that was texting their friends and

(00:50):
you know, my parents bucket got stolen like a at
seven thirty. My parents came out in the whole bowl
and all the candy were gone. Are little I'll tell you.
Lisa had a terrible idea this year. She posted she
put a sign up because we went to dinner because
it was my birthday, so we went with my parents
and she put a sign up with a bowl of
candy and it said, please only take one piece per kid,

(01:13):
leave something for the others. Do you think that worked
that well? Did you guys see that little video of
someone recorded the other day of a kid walking up
to one of those things with his backpack, dumping the
candy and then flipping off the ring camera a little
piece of ship. We went to my friend's house and
we were watching her house on the ring camera, and
she goes, I put a sign that says take one,

(01:35):
not just the kids, the adult course we're going in
and grabbing hands. Why don't they yell at these kids
through the ring camera, like put it back, cannot leave
candy on supervised. Kid didn't mess with me because mine's
my sign said please take one or two or three,
so they knew that they could take more than one,

(01:56):
and nobody stole my stuff. Well, I'll say this, I
I didn't want to be joining the sign up list
because in my apartment building, we have to sign up voluntarily.
And in years past, some one of you bastards used
to stop by my apartment when I wasn't looking, and
right in Scary Jones apartment, and then I used to
get calls. I used to be in my underwear and

(02:17):
sleeping and the door would that I had no candy.
But this time I was proactive and I made it
clear it's a building management. I took three four cases
of candy, and I dumped it on the lobby desk
and I said, this is from Scary Jones and the
apartment upstairs happy, how will we and everybody I'm going
to bed and this and guess what I will tell

(02:40):
you this everybody day They were so happy. It was
all the full size stuff. I was the hint of
the land. I was the Wizard of Oz though, because
I didn't show my ugly face or head or fucking
open up my door for anybody. It was a faceless transaction.
Did you really write from Scary Jones? Do you use
your radio name at your first I said, from Anthony upstairs,

(03:06):
this happy Halloween to all the kids. Don't come to
my apartment. But and they they actually were really very
cool about giving out you rashing the candy had behind
the desk. They were handing out the bars. Full disclosure.
I talked to your girlfriend yesterday and she talked me
out of it. I was in front of your building
a long a second. I was gonna walk in and
I was going to sign him up for Tricker treaders.

(03:28):
Scarious Scary still busy pressing buttons here. I talked to
Robin yesterday and she talked me out of it. I
was in front of your building. I was about to
do it. I was about you were going to do it,
and she said, don't do it, you son of a bitch.
I would get thank your girlfriend. I was so tempted.
I was. My car was in front of your building.
Do you guys hear this? Yeah? Were you in on

(03:49):
this too? No? No, no, But there is a part
of me that wishes he would have done it. It's
like the time you've been the butt of the jokes
many times when we put your phone number in the
newspaper back in the day that you were selling monkeys
and people were calling you the PI. Can you retell
that story? Go ahead, Scary, go ahead, No, scary, you
go Aheady's monkeys. This was what gotta be like years

(04:16):
ago already it was Greg t put an ad in
the like the local New Jersey whatever paper, and the
headline was monkeys, monkeys, monkeys like pet store closing, have
to get rid of these monkeys. And then put Scary's
phone number in the newspaper when people still read newspapers,
and he got hundreds of calls. So I didn't know this,

(04:37):
but at the time it was a hot maybe he
still is. It's a hot button when you advertise monkeys,
because it's a hot First of all, I didn't know
if you're just figuring out legal or illegal states and
sometimes where you are, it's like that's one of those
pets that you just shouldn't have in your house. So people,
even if it's legal, are going to give me shit
about it. So it was these Capuccian monkeys that they

(04:59):
actually I don't think that's how you pronounced capuchin monkeys,
monkeys whatever. It was the Carpaccio monkeys. And next thing
you know, I'm getting call. I'm getting bombarded, bombarded, and
then and then they had another phone. It said there

(05:21):
was a secret line to leave a voicemail, a separate line.
So they collected all the voicemails and played them on
the end. We still have a we have a montage
of all the voicemails that came in. So, did you
have any clue? We're like, the first time that the
first call that came through, did you have any idea? What?
It took me a good fifteen minutes, because I guess
as soon as people opened up the paper, they started
because this is back when people read newspapers. They were

(05:44):
eating at breakfast and I was making my breakfast, and
all of a sudden, calls just started started a little trickle,
and then they started coming fast and furious, and all
day it was monkeys, monkeys, monkeys, monkeys, calls, people wanting
to buy these Capriccio monkeys experience. It was their Italian
What about the time that we let a homeless man

(06:04):
in your apartment and he got sleep in your bed
and wear your clothes. That was another great tea prank.
Can people hear it? If I play it? Or you
have to play it? You want to play it? You
could play you can play it. A hold on a second,
I have to hit another button. In one minute, I'm
doing three things. That was basically we have screwed with
Scary a hundred times and he takes the joke better
than anybody. Well, we should do it again. Seriously, guys.

(06:25):
Nothing we let a homeless person to take a bath
and take a shower and eat food out of my refrigerator.
When I was in a ruba with my girlfriend and
my favorite was at one point I was checking into
the morning show and Alvis had me on one line.
It's like, oh, how's your vacation Scary, and I'm like,
it's just so beautiful. I'm relaxing, the sun is out,

(06:46):
it's already eight degrees. I can't wait to jump into
the into the water. It's like, okay, you have a
good time now. Scary hangs up on me and then
goes to Great Team Life. From my apartment with the
homeless person wearing my clothes in my bed, added your bathtub,
and that was the one time Scary he got the
garg t got the doorman to let him in your apartment,

(07:08):
and he went to the bathroom and he left it
there so that when you came home, your whole apartment.
So he left it married. Oh well, speaking of bathroom issues,
so this past weekend, I must have eaten a lot
of fiber or something. I don't know. It was a
very you know how we've talked about the poop knife
on the show. If there was ever an instance where

(07:28):
I needed a poop knife. It was Saturday morning. So
so I tried to flush repeatedly. It would not go down.
What you eat, I don't it's it's the silium. It
would not go down. So who do I call? I'm
I like in a panic? You know when you. I'm
sure this doesn't happen you all the time, ladies, but

(07:49):
like the water started to rise in the toilet and
the sweat just instantly appears on your brow. So it
happened for like thirty minutes. The water would recede and
then go back up again when I tried to flush,
nothing doing. So who do I call in that moment
of panic, Scotty B Because I figured if anybody's gonna

(08:09):
know what to do, it's Scotty. I thought it would
be froggy, more froggy than Scott. And I called you
back not long after that. You didn't answer, because you
shipped up my whole day because like an hour after that,
my daughter was running out the door and she's like, hey, dad,
toilets clogged and she ran out and it was and
it was a murder scene in there. And then an

(08:30):
hour after that my dog went outside and rolled and ship.
You set my day up for Ship. Sorry for setting
you up for a shitty day. You did have some
good advice. Yeah, Uh, Scotty, let go all the way down.
It was almost dry, Like the water goes away and
then you gotta plunge the hell out of it. But
also you had one of those crappy like gas station

(08:50):
plungers that's just like the half a cup and doesn't
have the bottom. It's gotta have the bottom hole on it.
You need the extra lip yep I gets you or
like ps I going down there more pressure. So anyway,
like we go through all that to get to this.
Have you ever googled how to get a large poo
to go down this? Google you get all sorts of

(09:14):
like I got a Champion four man. You know what
the Champion four is advertised for doing swallowing an entire
bucket of golf balls in one gulf? When but when
have you ever eaten golf balls that you needed to
down the toilet? You we see what he eats it.
It doesn't matter. Golf balls are not. The man eats
more than golf balls. So anyway, one of the home

(09:36):
remedies was baking soda and white vinegar. And if you
thought it ship smelled bad and having that brew bubbling
away and your toilet for thirty minutes funny, then in
the name of it. A friend of mine that owns
a hardware store, I told him I was having an
issue with my pipes, and he gave me the stuff.
When you poured down the pipes, it's so powerful that

(09:57):
it smokes. The smoke comes out and it smells so bad,
but it works. Yeah, it's like it's thick brown liquid coke.
It's funny that that Scotty's your poop guy. Like, for example,
if you remember yesterday, I told the story how I
had a vodka question and I called Elvis because he's
my vodka. He's my drinking or cooking expert. It's weird

(10:17):
how when it comes to the poop, Scotty is your expert.
Like he's the person that you call if you guys encountered,
like Gandhi, if you encounter not that you ever would,
but if you encounter that situation where the toilet wouldn't flush,
who in this little zoom room are you gonna call? Oh,
in the zoom room, what would I call with a
non flushing toilet? Probably Froggy first. If Elvis were here.

(10:40):
I think Elvis would be a solid he he knows
a lot of weird things that go on in his home. See,
I feel like I wants somebody to do it. Yeah, yeah,
I see. I would call Froggy because any technical anything
my husband. Other than my husband, I call Froggy, but
then I might take a moment and go it has
to do poop maybe Scott. Yeah, that's right because initially

(11:03):
when I'm like, okay, this is a serious problem in
my head, I'm like, okay, Froggy will know how to
fix this. But then the problem was pooh. So I'm like,
I got nervous when you called me on a Saturday morning.
I'm like, what was something's wrong? Oh? It was? It
was category five like that, why are you can you
can answer that, well, why are there two before? As well?

(11:27):
It's okay, so you know silium husk does it kind
of binds it together? You never have to wipe, like
you will never use toilet paper ever again when you
use silium husk. But the problem is it's very compacted
so that it's it's basically a brick, you know, like
that's how they used to make up bricks back in
the days they had hay and mud, and that's what

(11:49):
he and I would have done what you did, though,
I would have I would have definitely youtubed it first
to try and see, like, can I figure this out
with no shame and why? Because that that the what
ads are now showing up in your Instagram feeding Google search.
I don't want to think about it. I've got all
sorts of Rhodo router. I've got the toilet snakes popping

(12:10):
up now. I mean, the worst part about is when
you plunge and a little spray comes out, because it does.
This was and I don't know if you get like Danielle,
do you have like a powder room that is for guests? Okay,
so we have a powder room that Heather wanted. How
much money do you have the have a powder room

(12:30):
for getting Well, it's just the bathroom on the first
floor because we have two full bathrooms upstairs. So this
is just like the toilet and the sink. But she
wanted it to look fancy, so they put wall she
put wallpaper up. I'm like, I can't plunge too hard
because I got wallpaper up here. Yeah, you can't do that.
It's it's just a mess. And it was the weekend,
so if you called the plumber on the weekend and

(12:52):
you probably wouldn't get the until the end of the night. Well, anyways,
two hours later, finally got it down, So good for you.
We need to start collecting a list of like handy people,
so that when we're in these situations we have a
friend of the show who we can call an unclogged
your toilet or deliver a vaccine to your house. Whatever
we have, Like we have the cop on the show,
like we needed something, we need for everything something Well,

(13:15):
I think I think our cop, the one that we
all used to go to all the time. I think
you retired you need Yes, he's a cop again up north. Yeah,
but he's part time. He can't help us with. I
got guys for everything. Garrett does have a guy for
I got toilet guys I got I got dentist guys

(13:35):
and women. I got whatever you need. I'm like the
Mary Poppins of guys. Do you have an exotic animal, guy?
I got a dog animal guy. If you need animal,
I have an exotic animal A month ago. I got
a guy a month ago. Carpaccio monkeys that note by

(13:55):
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