Slow Down Time

The show tries to figure out how to slow down time. Scotty B wants to know are you a  'stashhole' ?? 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast?
Firm Elvis to represents fifteen minute morning show. So it's
a fifteen minute morning show podcast and it's hot as hell. Yeah,

(00:23):
we're expecting debilitating temperatures today. It's gonna be feeling like
a hundred and five year Oh please, scary, put that
down anyway, fifteen minute morning showtime. Excuse me? And there's
pardon me, Gandhi, Dave Brody, I see Froggy lingering in
the background. Scotty Bus. We went to the bathroom. There's Danielle,

(00:48):
there's Nate and uh, you know me. Anyway, So here
we go. We now have fifteen minutes to fill up
with quality content. Go, daniel you're all I think we
should just bitch about the weather because this ship ain't funny.
Make sure you check on your pets and your grandma today,
That's what I will. Yeah, you could be in his apartment, scary,

(01:09):
trying to find a pool to go in again every day.
We're all like, and pay attention to your grandfather. Also, Well,
when you say grandma, I kind of mean grandma and Grandpa. Grandma.
Just as Grandpa dies in the corner from the Gampa
is not dying in the corner. Why does she meet
an old man? It's just really too hot to do

(01:32):
a podcast. I agree. This is when my mom would say,
all right, I'm not starting the stove or turning on
the oven. It's ice cream for dinner. So I say
no podcast Today's If we don't post a podcast, there'll
be no place for people. Podcast it's three minutes. There'll
be no place for people ask uh non secretary questions

(01:54):
like they'll post on that go what was that book
I was talked about three days ago? And they'll put
it on the page for the podcast, and then no
one responds to them. Yeah, you know what when you
refer when you post on posts, it should be on topic.
My favorite is the guy that keeps posting how he
can make us like millionaires. He's like, guys, I know
how to make you a millionaire. All you have to
do is give me. That's my favorite. First person a

(02:18):
d me gets five dollars. Yes they do. I just
write back, you're an asshole on all the posts. What's
your cash APT tag? What's your cashop tag? Yeah? Yeah? Oh. Also,
have you guys been asked to be the official endorser
or um influencer for products. Yes, and you're hidden usually
it's your hidden requests. So I got a line of

(02:38):
like death metal jewelry. They want me to Sunglass company.
You want me to be their influence. You should do it.
You can make some cash. Absolutely, we have the death
metal guy to cat dragged. Scotty finally joins us, look
at you? Where have you been? There was a sale
on cookies. Can we all tell what Scotty you did earlier?
Scotty laugh hearted, Andrew made me laugh so hard that

(03:00):
I farted by mistake. What did I tell you? It
was so funny because I want to fart. He it's
not that he told me something, but he does this
voice that pretends to be me, and it makes me
laugh really hard until you fart, until I fart something
about that's very satisfying. But the best part to me
was that apparently it was a very teeny fart. It

(03:21):
was like it was just a squeaker squeaker. I tell you,
I don't think I've ever farted in the studio ever,
and all the time I've been here because I'm always
nervous that someone's gonna walk in, so I don't do
it in here. Ever, so that would just snuck out.
He usually go into the hallway to take a fart.
I'd go to the bathroom. Yeah, well, Elvius, you know
my theory. Remember what my theory is. They could have

(03:41):
They could have solved the whole movie um with Tom
Hanks and the Wilson what was it called. They could
have soft casting. I'll have to do is fart on
that island? Seven people would have showed up. An everybody
shows up, you could be alone and nobody within a
thousand miles. So I must have farted. Nate came back Elvis.
I have a confession. Nit, are you farting? Why don't

(04:07):
you turn your ass towards Elvis? What requested that sound
I made that day? Remember that? What was that before?
Didn't we go on vacation and didn't make a sound? Yeahthing? Yeah,
something happened, Something happened to you requested that. It was
like it was something like that, Yeah, what were you doing?

(04:29):
What are you doing? Where you going try to have
a meeting? What is that You're going to a meeting
that requires a key? Well, yeah, well I gotta do
a three two four two. And I figured while I
was up there, I just go to the office. You're
gonna go to two and then go to a meeting. Yeah,
well assume me. We've talked about zoom from the Elvis
can zoom from the crap. I have a fart confession

(04:51):
to make it. We don't farts. Fart fesshion. Yeah. A
couple of days ago after the show, I took my
laptop of my headphones and I'm walking back to our office. Now,
to get to the office, you have to go a
straight line and make a left down a long hallway,
so I kind of needed to. I felt like coming on.
So I was going down the hall and then Garrett
popped out of his studio, so I'm like, I dodged him.
Then Sam popped out of her studio, and I dodged her,

(05:13):
and I just made it into the morning show Bullpen
as I was walking and I got a little too
and I thought it was alone in the room, and
then Diana was over by her table and I tried
to make noise at my desk to cover it up,
like it wasn't that what she heard. I was like,
Diana and I like had a topper world with me,
so I was like, I popped open the top of rod.
I tried to make my shoe my sneak. Did you
hear me, Dianna? Well, thank god? But I felt like

(05:35):
she I standing right there. I felt like because she
smiled when you told the fart story, I'm like, she
heard it. You told the stories. If you you had
the ball, you're running for the end zone. Yeah, that's
what it was. I was like, if I could just
make it to the back office, here's the fart inducer.
Now there's fart inducer. It was a lart. He learned.
It was a laugh art. He said, you used some

(05:56):
voice that you always used and it made him laugh.
What voice is he talking about, Elvis? It's this one.
I'm doing anything for you, Scotty. Yes, oh Elvis, do
you want to watch me eat this banana? Oh? It's
on camera New Wivies. Well, I don't know if this

(06:17):
is it's explicit the noise and then that's a laughing gas. Oh,
well you know what. He also when he eats bananas
when specifically when you're around, they just go a little
too deep where he's almost like, Elvis, I just get
every time certain things that you say, like you like

(06:41):
the doors closed, Scott likes the doors open. You came
in once and you were like, why are these doors open?
I like them clothes. You're like, I like them too, Elvis,
I like the cloes. You are some spirits? What can
I say? I hear the voices and we do the
show on the banana sound again, just real quick? Do

(07:02):
you see how I don't gag? It's all you know?
So is that a brown do's attempt as well? I
love people that say they can't yeh, Actually you can't
because you are I can't. Well, yeah you can't. Don't

(07:23):
you see how I could fart from that? Yeah? I
think I almost did. That would be my favorite this week,
Bana almost. You should go in tomorrow and say you
love the doors closed and see if Scotty then agrees
that you as well. Well, here Kimes, Garrett, Garrett, we're

(07:45):
almost done. Where have you been fixing problems? Can you share? No? No, no,
it's no. We'll lose a lot of revenue day, dude.
You know what. We have the magic of editing here.
We make things all work. We love a little snip
snip here, snip snip this, snip snip everywhere in the show.

(08:08):
It's us all right, Now, what I don't know. I
don't know, Gret. You know, we came up with all
the content for the first half. Now you have to
carry this half, all right, it's about it, you know what.
I was thinking it might be a little bit too
serious right now though, and with your birthday tomorrow. I've
been looking at life and things have been going super
fast for me over the last like three weeks. The
older you get, the faster they go. Well, but it

(08:29):
almost feels like that movie with Adam Sandler Click, where
I've been trying to figure out how do I how
do I slow things? Don't? Honestly, it feels like yesterday
was four weeks ago, you know what I mean? Like it.
I don't know what to do like it's you know
what I've found waking up earlier and going to bed later,
make your days longer, and do things in between the

(08:50):
two that are meaningful, and don't sit there and just
fall in a hole on these stupid fucking phones. Don't
binge watch things, do things that are more meaningful. I'll
try it. Make your life guarantees, make your life crappier.
Sit in the couch with no TV, no lights on
in the house, and it'll seem like an eternity that
I got COVID the first night of COVID, laying on

(09:10):
the air mattress in the basement with all the lights off,
with that headache. And this is the longest day ever.
It's never going in. Yeah, it always goes slower when
you're miserable, or you know what, you want to make
your days seem longer. Sit in this fucking room for
four hours. Everything. God, I feel like we've been here
all day. So far, we have been so far, we've

(09:30):
been here. So he's going slowly for you and quickly
for you. Yeah, one quickly for me. Hey, Can I
ask a question? Or do we done? Are any of
you stash holes? Like so? I was at the supermarket
and you know, like you have something in your car
and then all of a sudden you don't want it
and you just put it wherever you are. I saw
a hungry man dinner in the rack of candy by

(09:52):
the register the other day. You can't do that with
frozen food. Just put him back. I think that Froggy's
about to say the same. It tries to be crazy.
I put stuff back if I see it, just pick
it up. I'll move it no, I'll go I'll put
If I don't want something, I'll go all the way
back too and put it right. It depends because if
I'm already in the line waiting to pay and I

(10:12):
decide I don't want it, I'll usually give it to
the lady you don't. I would never stick it into
the wrong shelf, but I would give it to the
people cash. Like I've seen, like, you know, sushi on
top of the paper towels. That's terrible, and then they'll
go put that back in the You know, there's nothing
worse than someone who someone who goes to the butcher
and they get like three steaks wrapped up and then

(10:34):
they put in the cereal want I like the people
who grabbed for a box is something and in like
six boxes fall on the floor and they walk away.
You know, I feel like I have to pick them up.
But when I say something to them first, like you
should pick them up, but you don't leave them there.
Do you like if somebody would right front, would like
someone else knocks it down, I pick it up, you

(10:55):
feel Daniel would laugh. The old lady in the little
Rascal get around thing will knock into the shaking big
display on the end cap and the the whole thing will
go over at a hundred bucks. Let's go everywhere. That's funny. Well,
she's on that machine, so you don't want And there
before people who don't put the carts back in the
cart the corral. I saw this lady right next to

(11:17):
me did that. She just put the car up on
like the little median, and I said, there are I'll
get that for you. I was at Wegman's and the
guy was parked two cars from the cart wreck, and
he put there. He put the cart behind the other car,
like to the right, which is one car away from
the thing. I said, I said, excuse me, you know

(11:39):
the cart wrecks right there. He said, fuck, you missed
the officer guy. She said, okay, at that point that's
usually what I said. Yeah, you know what, You're right,
fuck me, Fuck me. I'm the guy that's trying to
be nice. Yeah, you know what, I'm the asshole. Not yeah,
here trying to teach you a lesson. He the Wegman's park.
Had he not been larger than me, he would have,

(12:00):
but froggy, he was a big man. All right, are
we done? I think too hot? How long I been
on almost twelve minutes. Garrett. Garrett would say two seconds
because his life's flying. That's right, Wow, Garrett, maybe we
should just leave it like Garrett finish up. Yeah you can.
I mean, if you want, it'll feel like the longest
three minutes of your life. That's right. We'll slow your
life down. Let's get out of here. It's too hot

(12:24):
to go to fifteen minutes. You guys, have a beautiful day. Sorry.
The fifteen Minute Morning Show