Drunk @ 9am

Nate hosts the podcast after 2 cocktails. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast?
Firm Elvis represent fifteen minute morning show? Do we really
have to do this? Who votes? We just don't do

(00:24):
the amen? Brother? Who votes? Who votes? That? Nat? I
couldn't that great idea? Yeah, oh god, I couldn't host
m I don't know what I'm trying to say. Uh,
this is gonna be a long fifteen I pounded three

(00:46):
drinks in this span and what was that break? Seven
minut Yeah? Everyone, you're you're putting it on. You're not
just drunk. I'm pretty drunk right now. Like I can focus,
pretend you're not drunk, so you can pretend not to
be drunk. That's how the that's the true test of
when someone is drunk, is them pretending to be drunk.

(01:07):
I'm fine, I'm fine, Okay, you pound them so quickly.
They were so good. That was the best. Um. I've
never had a run old fashioned before, but that was fantastic.
It was good. Even I liked it's probably a little tipsy, right,
I would not drive right now, and I had one.
I had three. I am not driving anytime soon, just
so y'alls know. But no, they were great. They were great.

(01:32):
See that's the difference. Like you go to a bar
and you're like, oh, the vodka seven or whatever. What
a garbage, what a waste of a drink? You know
what I mean? Like, don't get a cocktail. Go get
something somebody put like effort into and like they made
banana fair. Maybe you don't want to like a full

(01:52):
blown cocktail every single time. Those are like special occasion contain.
I don't just want here's the thing. I don't just
want to get drunk. I want to enjoy getting drunk.
That makes sense. But getting drunk that quickly though, it
doesn't seem like it's fun. It was so good, gandhi,
why don't you drink yours? Because I didn't want this
to happen to day today. I could not start off
getting hammered out. Well, here's the thing. When you get honestly,

(02:15):
getting drunk in the morning way better than getting drunk
at night, right, because then you have all that time
to sober up, relax. You're chilled out for the day.
Time goes by much faster than your life. During the day.
You may have stuff you need to get done. I
do have stuff I need you, because once you get drunk,
you turn the sign around it says closed. You know.
I'm yeah. I know. You can't drive, you can't get

(02:37):
shipped done. I'll be by noon. I'll be fine. Yeah,
what what is it? Your body process is one cocktail
an hour? It's three hours from now a quarter. I
have a question, So, Nate, you said people should put
more effort into the drink ordering. Yes, what else in

(02:57):
the world should people put more effort into? It was
up to you. God, maybe it stakes sober you get
work done? Am I that? I'll remember when French Montana
came in and he get us all trash. See, I
got pretty good. I get paid to do whatever, including
drinking on the job. Yeah, you know you've got astration.
I'll be fine. I have a question, Nate, what things

(03:20):
should people put more effort into? Did we just talk
about Oh, oh, here's a good one. Uh? Are you?
Are you having like a miniature stroke? What? It's kind

(03:40):
of like? Okay, so when you do have a stroke,
it's kind of like being drunk. Yeah, by the way, yeah,
I'm fine. How many times encourage you to drink? If
you're a stroke, if you survive what I have you
need to drink? A follow up question Nate, what's people
put see? I remember you're asking it a second time.

(04:04):
I don't know. All right, well that's not going anywhere.
Maybe we'll come back, We'll reach around and ask that
question again. I'm so bring up. It's been an hour,
oh forty minutes, but it's been like enough time that
I feel like I'm so bring up. But you're not
doing anything to absorb the alcohol. I had cereal. By
the way, Scotty gave me the shittiest cereal. Purpose would

(04:25):
you give him? I gave him this bubblegum cereal. It's
why did you give him? People like a champion at
this point, Wait, can I just tell you this bubblegum
cereal that we have has a cancer warning on it.
So the box it's from Mexico. Well, what does what
does canceress in this cereal? You know how California has

(04:45):
to put like cancer warnings on everything, even like a
couch and whatever, because basically, at the end of the
day everything, so it just says the cereal may contain
blah blah blah, it could cause cancer and whatever, So
just be careful. Yeah, did sell pat cancer for eating
a mouthful? We don't know yet. First he opened up
Scotty's whole puncher and ate the little white the holes.

(05:08):
They were delicious. Um, yeah, what else you're hosting? Oh uh?
Do you guys get prostate checked? Yes? I remember, but
but a year ago I went expecting it. He didn't
do it, and this because it was a barbershop he didn't.

(05:30):
He didn't do it again. Scott gets so disappointed when
they don't do it. He's like, I prepped for this,
I was ready for it. I just want to go
to a urologist for that. They're supposed to do it
during your physical I've become a customer having a finger
up my butt every year at the regular doctor, and
for the last two years he hasn't done it. Maybe
he thinks you're dirty. No, I question up Scotty, knowing

(05:51):
you how you scream at anything when the doctor is
doing the exam. Do you scream no? Because I know
what to expect and I'm ready for it. Do you say,
oh yeah, no? Now he screams when they don't do it.
He's so disappointed. Do you ask him out to go
see a movie? Yes? Hey, look, you know the prostate examines.
It's such a quid. Don't even need to do it anymore.
They do that the A P thing and they set

(06:13):
to the P s A thing, right, they check your urins. No,
not for prostate. You you're supposed to crap in a
bowl and send mail it off. I didn't do that yet.
I have it in my close or something else. It's awful. Yeah. Yeah,
what's the one where you crap on the square box?

(06:33):
That's the colon cancer? All right, let's go. Yeah, that's
colon cancer. You're right, you're crapping a ball and mail
it off for calon cans. You mail it? Yeah, you
put it, you put your box. Do you remember that
opened thing? The box? The box actually says what it
is on. And I don't want to bring that to ups.
Remember I used to work for that other host and

(06:53):
he's famous and so Claudine, Oh, I shouldn't say your name,
get that out. But the assistant out, the assistant got
this box. Hold on, okay, okay, at it, there's no
The assistant got this box in the mail and she

(07:15):
would have to open his mail. So she opened the
box and I hear from her office and I run
in there. Somebody sent him a pile of poop, like
they actually pooped in a box and mail was it?
Was it the ratings company? You know you can order that.
There's a company that you can order poop for people,

(07:36):
and you sorder all kinds of poop. You can order
small like rabbit poop, or you can order elephant. It
was a human Like, did you inform him of this?
I don't know if we ever told he knew about it?
Oh he didn't. Yeah, how did they mail that without
its smelling in the mail? In a bag? No, it
was in a box on a paper plate. Howle alone?

(07:59):
I don't know it was. I don't listen. My memories
a little foggy. This podcast all roads lead to the act.
Oh no, if it wasn't, why are we even talking about.
Somebody brought up prostate exams. Yes, and then you said
crapping a box and mail it, and then it just
jogged the memory. By the way, if you're hosting, you're

(08:21):
responsible for every single piece of content and done. Yet
do you want to be done? I can't go anymore?
Like seven minutes left. By the way, it was a
solid eight minutes. It was a good eight minutes, Like
this is better than it was solid Actually, speaking of

(08:43):
a prostate exams. You have you have any butt heard cards?
We could use? Oh, we could read. We were almost done.
Want to him read? Isn't this the game we were calling?
Close second? Brody? Yes? Are you want to play? Oh?
It's always close second? All right, you're ready. No, the
blue ones are the nice ones. The red ones are
the nasty ones. By the way, the red ones are

(09:04):
the red ones are the ones that are red the
red ones, Brody cards? Who gives the worst I can't
see this? Well, we'll edit it out after ely, we've
just said you can't say something. Who's the worst oral sex?
You know what? Elmus I needed to raise? I tried

(09:25):
my best second, I'm a scary had a girl full?
Who is the last person you'd want with you on
a desserted island? Who has the worst attitude towards life?
Who is the last person you'd want to see naked? Likewise,

(09:46):
by the way, who is the most full of bullshit?
Bro you're just sad on the car? Yes, I read one.
It's not me. I put a finger on your butt

(10:09):
and your show. We're done, Edit out, edit out, un
The fifteen minute Morning Show