July 21, 2021 • 15 mins
We all judge ourselves in changing ONE thing on our body, what would we change?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
first show? Oh hie minute morning show podcast. Here we
go here, I talk into this and look into that,
not talking to this and look into that the other way,
(00:26):
the other way. It was a joke, I don't anyway.
Everyone's here. There's a Gandhi and Brody and Scary and
he's doing that thing with his chin. And there's Garrett,
and there's there's Nate and Scotty in here. Yeah, I'm
right here and there's Scary. Hey, why do you do
(00:47):
that thing with your chin? He does this? I hate
talk into this line. I hate my angle when I'm
standing up and my my cameras below my chin because
it makes me look like at five chins. No, normally
I'm sitting down this and then just stay down there.
There they're just squats in today. That would be great.
(01:08):
It's hidden chin crouching scary. All right. Well, look I'm
wondering why there's a five behind me. We're still sildering
our fifth year of excellence. That's what you call it?
What n speaking of scary as chin, what is the
one part of your body that you wish you could change? Okay,
(01:30):
what is the number the number one part of your body,
the whole thing, the whole thing. Come on, I'd like
to start with a new with a new head. I
will tell you. I can check. I can give you
a zone from the kneecaps to my tits, okay, and
everything in between. It's a zone. Okay. I would do
(01:50):
from my waist to my inner thighskay, that area five
chins can go, and then below the tits to the
waist to fix that up too. Yeah, I'll leave the
tits alone, that's fine. You know the skin on the
(02:13):
bottom of your feet like that right the bottom of
everything above that. We're always being honest. I hate that
we're shaming our bodies this way. We're canceling ourselves. I've
got this little nick wattle thing. I wish that could
go to how did those get? Like you see those
guys like was it Jared Paddle icky thing guy? Or
(02:35):
he's on Vampire Diaries and he's got that jaw that
is just like right. Yes, I saw a device on
Instagram that supposedly you can buy and it'll turn your
jaw square really really start. It works like charcoal with
like you got a chew on it or whatever. It's like,
I don't know what it is, but they were like,
look at him before, look at him after. I go
(02:57):
see my you know, it's almost time for me to
go back to my two for one. Yeah, my my phacologist.
What are the plastic surgeon? Yeah, well, I tell you,
remember when I had my plastic surgery done, it was
and then now it's all kind of fallen down. I
don't think so it still looks good. Do you remember
when you sent me the pictures and your face was
(03:18):
all swollen and it looked you looked like some sort
of Dick Tracy character. I did, I have another body part?
Can you hear him? I have another body part? Like
to add to the list, my nose. I have a
Roman nose. I'm Italian, yes exactly. But when you do this,
(03:39):
you do a profile, it looks like a big schnoz.
I don't think you have a big Actually I have
a little Wait, I've got a bump on my nose.
This is really not the perfect note. Yeah, because I
(04:01):
paid good money. It's so cute. It's beautiful. That's as
if we all had the I have a deviated septum surgery,
she told everyone. When she's liked septum years of cocaine abuse.
(04:22):
Why is it when people get a nose job they
use that excuse because one of our friends, uh did
the whole deviated septum thing. You're like, you're thirty eight
years old. If it hasn't bothered you by now, it's
not gonna just admit you're getting a nose job. You'll
remember what happened after I got the nose job. I
told you the story. So I was so excited because
I had seen I was doing theater at the time,
and I saw my profile in the newspaper the year before,
(04:44):
and I'm like, oh, I hate it. I'm gonna get
it next to you when I do the theater. I'm
going to have a beautiful profile. I was so excited.
I fucking got cast as Pinocchio. I had to wear
a prosthetic in the newspaper son of a surgery for
deva and cleavage, didn't you? Yes? I did. Hey, you
know I don't hear froggy enough more froggy where I
(05:07):
would just say frog. No. I told you. I just
I want a new head. And I mean, there's a
couple of other things i'd like, but I'd really like
to just start over with a new head. I would
have better hair, I wouldn't have a brain that had
been all jacked around on for two times. I mean,
I would just I want to start there, and I'm
sure there's other things I could use. But what about you,
Scotty B. I would also like to get rid of
my tits and I just want a six pack without
(05:29):
doing anything. Oh yeah, well, Garrett, my ears, your ears,
your ears. It goes back to childhood when I was
called Dumbo and will Smith because my ears didn't form
to my head, like my ears were outweighing my head
at that point, you like your thoughts and stuff? Well, yeah,
that's what that was another joke I heard between that
and Gareth the Carrot, Like I would change my name
(05:49):
too at that point too. My name and my ears.
Oh I know somebody who had their ears pinned back
as a child because their ears were sticking out, so
they had surgery to pin them back. Or ready to
play a game called the best Bob's in history? Yeah
history generous haircut. Oh no, that's not a bob, it's
(06:14):
more of a pixie, all right. He had what's called
the best reggae album of all time. Bob Marley Scary
don't look over his shoulder and guess, okay you did,
I suppose your eyes legendary hosts of prices, right, he
had a painting show. Yes, the kids are still obsessed
(06:38):
with him. He's like, this is born. I don't like
this game anymore. Don't worry, be happy coming your eyes
popped out your head right there? Make a partisan friend
of ours considered scandalous as a haircut in the early
Why you're popping up like a gopher. What's happening over there?
(06:59):
School flindfold? Where in the butt Bob? You bank in
the wh that list? Why are you looking for a blindfold?
I was looking for a blindfold because you accuse me
of cheating? So that's why? What is this in the trash? Can?
Hold on? It's it's a pile of I don't know
(07:20):
if you can see this. It's like from Trail makes
it Uneaten Trail makes because Scary picked out all the
eminem's and left everything else in the garbage. We look,
we all love we all love m and m's. I
get that, but you just do out like thousands of
pounds of trail MAXs to get eminem's. Yeah, because I figured,
(07:40):
you know what, I don't want to eat several different
types of chemicals and things, so I just want to
stick to my eminem's. At least you threw it away
this time. You remember when you gave me the bag
of rejected nuts, and you're like, hey, this reminds me
when my friend Andy Burkhardt used to come over to
my house and he would fucking hand jam all of
(08:01):
our cereal and take all the ship that came in
the free cereal and then leave the boxes open in
the pantry. And I wanted my mom wanted to kill him.
She hated because I've always come and see. I have
to tell you something about scary. When he eats snacks,
he eats like a squirrel. Yeah, you do it. Then
(08:24):
he stores it in his cheek for later. And he
eats one eminem at a time. No, I'd just like
to savor it. I don't know why some skittles I
eat one skittle at a time, or only the same
color skittles together. I was talking earlier about cut Back Coach.
(08:49):
It's not an app, but it's it's a texting program
where you share with it your how many drinks you have,
and and it tries to give you, tries to give
you a plan for the week. Okay, like on Saturday,
Saturday and Sunday Funday, it gives you more drinks and
then like Tuesdays, you're supposed to be drinkless days. Of course,
we went out for dinner last night and I had
three drinks. So, hey, Alvis, how did it go yesterday?
(09:11):
REPLA zero if you stuck to your target. Okay, I'm
just put three because I had three online drink magnumbers. Okay,
had three total drinks. But the thing is that he
keeps an eye on you. It attracts you, so you
attract your drinks. Drink So this week today, my target
supposed to be one drink on Tomorrow too, and then
(09:34):
Friday three and then three and then four on next Monday.
They love, they know I like to drink on Monday.
So how would you like? Do you know what it's
like to have a friend who goes h so you're
gonna have another drink? Oh? So annoying. I almost did
it to Nate today because he keeps saying that he
gave up sugar. And then I looked over and he
had a twigs and he had a snickers, and I
was waiting for him to open the twigs because I
was going to run over and smack it out of
(09:54):
his hand. He was just it. I know he didn't
we used to work with. I was counting his drinks
on night we were out and he goes, are you counting?
I'm like no, He goes, no, you're counting. He goes,
I got an idea. What you pulled your phone and
count how many miles it is to walk home? If
you count how many drinks I have? I goes, okay,
never mind, drink as much as you want. I don't
know it is gonna be your TAINE didn't have a friend.
Go oh, so you're gonna have another one of those.
(10:15):
Remember when I was really really large and I'd start
to eat something and Daniel ago, you don't want that,
because you would tell us if I eat something, make
sure you tell me. So. I was telling you you as,
but you're saying in an insulting way. Well that's even
does it to me? At home? All the time, He'll
come up behind me, creeps up on me, goes was
(10:38):
that I go, it's a piece chocolate, okay, and then
he walks away. I learned my lesson with Elvis when
we had this Remembther's cornbread crisps we had and I
opened a bag and I was eating one. He goes,
give me a cornbread chrisp No, he goes, why, he
I go, you told me to not give you any
Give me one. I go, No, you said, did not
(10:58):
give you any. Then he fingered gunned me like this,
and then he says, verbatim, give me a motherfucking They're
so good. I have never like, there's only like three
other times I've seen you as serious and angry as
you were at that moment. Give me a motherfucking corn bread,
(11:20):
Chris check, you fingered. The first place to diet is
Froggy's house because Lisa has candy bowls, I'm not even
kidding you everywhere and you're just standing there having a
conversation at like, you know, the counter and your hand
jam and everything, because she's got it all there. Why
(11:42):
does she do that what I did the other day?
I told her that I have put on some weight
and I'm trying to lose a little weight. Can you
do me a favor? Can you not bring home anymore chocolate?
She brings home a bag of her She's kisses, a
bag of chocolate covered almonds Reese's Cups. I took every
single one of them and I dumped them in the toilet.
A monster because because you know why, Because if we don't,
(12:09):
I do not know how to eat her She's kisses
in moderation. I eat four or five at a time.
I can do it. I can't do it, and so
I count the rappers at the end. The kisses make
sense in the toilet, but not the Reese's cups. Froggy
nobody again. Why does Lisa do? Is that something just
(12:29):
her family did. I don't understand. I don't know what
she does it for every holiday? I'm not sure Valentine's
Day there's little bowls of little candy hearts all over
the place. It's hospitality. She basically decorating with candies. Okay,
and you eat to decorate with Lisa. I love you,
but come on killing me. I just realized something changed.
(12:51):
Somebody with two seconds change it forever. Way the way,
I'm sitting in the studio, and if you're watching this,
you can see over my right shoulder is Froggy in
my little window here right you can see the camera. Well,
you keep looking over here, like you want me to
say something you like, and then you go Froggy's like,
damn it, he's not talking about right over your head,
right right, so it looks like you're talking to me.
I'm like, he wants me to say something that he doesn't.
(13:12):
We gotta move Froggy's monitor over here. Yeah, so here.
I like hearing Froggy too, But you keep going and
I go, no, okay, loves your chins. I was just
doing a call back the board room like a prick,
(13:38):
you know. I think he's getting back at you for
all the pisness. Thank you, Daniel, because you are looks lovely,
You're prey. Thank you. I'm not gonna say anying else.
I'm gonna just check my text. I think we're plus right. Yeah.
(13:59):
I actually if someone actually enjoyed this podcast, I want
to hear from you because I don't even know what
the funk we just did, and I don't think it
was a funny one today. I think feel the ship.
We're not really done. Great idea, let's let the listeners
tell us which body parts they want us to fix.
They do that to me all the time anyway, watching
(14:19):
comments they pick on Gandhi all the time. I'm like, alone,
you have graves disease. You should get that fixed to
a doctor. I've done it. They're just big. I have
big eyes. The other day I posted a picture and
(14:40):
you know, sometimes I'll put in contacts. You guys also
know me. I don't have really anything fake going on,
but I like the contact. Sometimes they had a color
of color. These people are like, how dare you be
ashamed of your face and try to change the color
of your eyes? Why would you do that? I'm like,
are you really sliding in here with that? Because leaches
her hair and in comments on your always it's always
(15:02):
that your fake boobs are over there. But I can't
put contacts in. Look, I can move them right now.
It's great. Tell us why we leave a comment below? Please? Please?
Don't you really? How much time do we have left?
So we're done? Now? Okay, we really done. We're actually
everyone could bye bye bye. The fifteen Minute Morning Show
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
first show? Oh hie minute morning show podcast. Here we
go here, I talk into this and look into that,
not talking to this and look into that the other way,
(00:26):
the other way. It was a joke, I don't anyway.
Everyone's here. There's a Gandhi and Brody and Scary and
he's doing that thing with his chin. And there's Garrett,
and there's there's Nate and Scotty in here. Yeah, I'm
right here and there's Scary. Hey, why do you do
(00:47):
that thing with your chin? He does this? I hate
talk into this line. I hate my angle when I'm
standing up and my my cameras below my chin because
it makes me look like at five chins. No, normally
I'm sitting down this and then just stay down there.
There they're just squats in today. That would be great.
(01:08):
It's hidden chin crouching scary. All right. Well, look I'm
wondering why there's a five behind me. We're still sildering
our fifth year of excellence. That's what you call it?
What n speaking of scary as chin, what is the
one part of your body that you wish you could change? Okay,
(01:30):
what is the number the number one part of your body,
the whole thing, the whole thing. Come on, I'd like
to start with a new with a new head. I
will tell you. I can check. I can give you
a zone from the kneecaps to my tits, okay, and
everything in between. It's a zone. Okay. I would do
(01:50):
from my waist to my inner thighskay, that area five
chins can go, and then below the tits to the
waist to fix that up too. Yeah, I'll leave the
tits alone, that's fine. You know the skin on the
(02:13):
bottom of your feet like that right the bottom of
everything above that. We're always being honest. I hate that
we're shaming our bodies this way. We're canceling ourselves. I've
got this little nick wattle thing. I wish that could
go to how did those get? Like you see those
guys like was it Jared Paddle icky thing guy? Or
(02:35):
he's on Vampire Diaries and he's got that jaw that
is just like right. Yes, I saw a device on
Instagram that supposedly you can buy and it'll turn your
jaw square really really start. It works like charcoal with
like you got a chew on it or whatever. It's like,
I don't know what it is, but they were like,
look at him before, look at him after. I go
(02:57):
see my you know, it's almost time for me to
go back to my two for one. Yeah, my my phacologist.
What are the plastic surgeon? Yeah, well, I tell you,
remember when I had my plastic surgery done, it was
and then now it's all kind of fallen down. I
don't think so it still looks good. Do you remember
when you sent me the pictures and your face was
(03:18):
all swollen and it looked you looked like some sort
of Dick Tracy character. I did, I have another body part?
Can you hear him? I have another body part? Like
to add to the list, my nose. I have a
Roman nose. I'm Italian, yes exactly. But when you do this,
(03:39):
you do a profile, it looks like a big schnoz.
I don't think you have a big Actually I have
a little Wait, I've got a bump on my nose.
This is really not the perfect note. Yeah, because I
(04:01):
paid good money. It's so cute. It's beautiful. That's as
if we all had the I have a deviated septum surgery,
she told everyone. When she's liked septum years of cocaine abuse.
(04:22):
Why is it when people get a nose job they
use that excuse because one of our friends, uh did
the whole deviated septum thing. You're like, you're thirty eight
years old. If it hasn't bothered you by now, it's
not gonna just admit you're getting a nose job. You'll
remember what happened after I got the nose job. I
told you the story. So I was so excited because
I had seen I was doing theater at the time,
and I saw my profile in the newspaper the year before,
(04:44):
and I'm like, oh, I hate it. I'm gonna get
it next to you when I do the theater. I'm
going to have a beautiful profile. I was so excited.
I fucking got cast as Pinocchio. I had to wear
a prosthetic in the newspaper son of a surgery for
deva and cleavage, didn't you? Yes? I did. Hey, you
know I don't hear froggy enough more froggy where I
(05:07):
would just say frog. No. I told you. I just
I want a new head. And I mean, there's a
couple of other things i'd like, but I'd really like
to just start over with a new head. I would
have better hair, I wouldn't have a brain that had
been all jacked around on for two times. I mean,
I would just I want to start there, and I'm
sure there's other things I could use. But what about you,
Scotty B. I would also like to get rid of
my tits and I just want a six pack without
(05:29):
doing anything. Oh yeah, well, Garrett, my ears, your ears,
your ears. It goes back to childhood when I was
called Dumbo and will Smith because my ears didn't form
to my head, like my ears were outweighing my head
at that point, you like your thoughts and stuff? Well, yeah,
that's what that was another joke I heard between that
and Gareth the Carrot, Like I would change my name
(05:49):
too at that point too. My name and my ears.
Oh I know somebody who had their ears pinned back
as a child because their ears were sticking out, so
they had surgery to pin them back. Or ready to
play a game called the best Bob's in history? Yeah
history generous haircut. Oh no, that's not a bob, it's
(06:14):
more of a pixie, all right. He had what's called
the best reggae album of all time. Bob Marley Scary
don't look over his shoulder and guess, okay you did,
I suppose your eyes legendary hosts of prices, right, he
had a painting show. Yes, the kids are still obsessed
(06:38):
with him. He's like, this is born. I don't like
this game anymore. Don't worry, be happy coming your eyes
popped out your head right there? Make a partisan friend
of ours considered scandalous as a haircut in the early
Why you're popping up like a gopher. What's happening over there?
(06:59):
School flindfold? Where in the butt Bob? You bank in
the wh that list? Why are you looking for a blindfold?
I was looking for a blindfold because you accuse me
of cheating? So that's why? What is this in the trash? Can?
Hold on? It's it's a pile of I don't know
(07:20):
if you can see this. It's like from Trail makes
it Uneaten Trail makes because Scary picked out all the
eminem's and left everything else in the garbage. We look,
we all love we all love m and m's. I
get that, but you just do out like thousands of
pounds of trail MAXs to get eminem's. Yeah, because I figured,
(07:40):
you know what, I don't want to eat several different
types of chemicals and things, so I just want to
stick to my eminem's. At least you threw it away
this time. You remember when you gave me the bag
of rejected nuts, and you're like, hey, this reminds me
when my friend Andy Burkhardt used to come over to
my house and he would fucking hand jam all of
(08:01):
our cereal and take all the ship that came in
the free cereal and then leave the boxes open in
the pantry. And I wanted my mom wanted to kill him.
She hated because I've always come and see. I have
to tell you something about scary. When he eats snacks,
he eats like a squirrel. Yeah, you do it. Then
(08:24):
he stores it in his cheek for later. And he
eats one eminem at a time. No, I'd just like
to savor it. I don't know why some skittles I
eat one skittle at a time, or only the same
color skittles together. I was talking earlier about cut Back Coach.
(08:49):
It's not an app, but it's it's a texting program
where you share with it your how many drinks you have,
and and it tries to give you, tries to give
you a plan for the week. Okay, like on Saturday,
Saturday and Sunday Funday, it gives you more drinks and
then like Tuesdays, you're supposed to be drinkless days. Of course,
we went out for dinner last night and I had
three drinks. So, hey, Alvis, how did it go yesterday?
(09:11):
REPLA zero if you stuck to your target. Okay, I'm
just put three because I had three online drink magnumbers. Okay,
had three total drinks. But the thing is that he
keeps an eye on you. It attracts you, so you
attract your drinks. Drink So this week today, my target
supposed to be one drink on Tomorrow too, and then
(09:34):
Friday three and then three and then four on next Monday.
They love, they know I like to drink on Monday.
So how would you like? Do you know what it's
like to have a friend who goes h so you're
gonna have another drink? Oh? So annoying. I almost did
it to Nate today because he keeps saying that he
gave up sugar. And then I looked over and he
had a twigs and he had a snickers, and I
was waiting for him to open the twigs because I
was going to run over and smack it out of
(09:54):
his hand. He was just it. I know he didn't
we used to work with. I was counting his drinks
on night we were out and he goes, are you counting?
I'm like no, He goes, no, you're counting. He goes,
I got an idea. What you pulled your phone and
count how many miles it is to walk home? If
you count how many drinks I have? I goes, okay,
never mind, drink as much as you want. I don't
know it is gonna be your TAINE didn't have a friend.
Go oh, so you're gonna have another one of those.
(10:15):
Remember when I was really really large and I'd start
to eat something and Daniel ago, you don't want that,
because you would tell us if I eat something, make
sure you tell me. So. I was telling you you as,
but you're saying in an insulting way. Well that's even
does it to me? At home? All the time, He'll
come up behind me, creeps up on me, goes was
(10:38):
that I go, it's a piece chocolate, okay, and then
he walks away. I learned my lesson with Elvis when
we had this Remembther's cornbread crisps we had and I
opened a bag and I was eating one. He goes,
give me a cornbread chrisp No, he goes, why, he
I go, you told me to not give you any
Give me one. I go, No, you said, did not
(10:58):
give you any. Then he fingered gunned me like this,
and then he says, verbatim, give me a motherfucking They're
so good. I have never like, there's only like three
other times I've seen you as serious and angry as
you were at that moment. Give me a motherfucking corn bread,
(11:20):
Chris check, you fingered. The first place to diet is
Froggy's house because Lisa has candy bowls, I'm not even
kidding you everywhere and you're just standing there having a
conversation at like, you know, the counter and your hand
jam and everything, because she's got it all there. Why
(11:42):
does she do that what I did the other day?
I told her that I have put on some weight
and I'm trying to lose a little weight. Can you
do me a favor? Can you not bring home anymore chocolate?
She brings home a bag of her She's kisses, a
bag of chocolate covered almonds Reese's Cups. I took every
single one of them and I dumped them in the toilet.
A monster because because you know why, Because if we don't,
(12:09):
I do not know how to eat her She's kisses
in moderation. I eat four or five at a time.
I can do it. I can't do it, and so
I count the rappers at the end. The kisses make
sense in the toilet, but not the Reese's cups. Froggy
nobody again. Why does Lisa do? Is that something just
(12:29):
her family did. I don't understand. I don't know what
she does it for every holiday? I'm not sure Valentine's
Day there's little bowls of little candy hearts all over
the place. It's hospitality. She basically decorating with candies. Okay,
and you eat to decorate with Lisa. I love you,
but come on killing me. I just realized something changed.
(12:51):
Somebody with two seconds change it forever. Way the way,
I'm sitting in the studio, and if you're watching this,
you can see over my right shoulder is Froggy in
my little window here right you can see the camera. Well,
you keep looking over here, like you want me to
say something you like, and then you go Froggy's like,
damn it, he's not talking about right over your head,
right right, so it looks like you're talking to me.
I'm like, he wants me to say something that he doesn't.
(13:12):
We gotta move Froggy's monitor over here. Yeah, so here.
I like hearing Froggy too, But you keep going and
I go, no, okay, loves your chins. I was just
doing a call back the board room like a prick,
(13:38):
you know. I think he's getting back at you for
all the pisness. Thank you, Daniel, because you are looks lovely,
You're prey. Thank you. I'm not gonna say anying else.
I'm gonna just check my text. I think we're plus right. Yeah.
(13:59):
I actually if someone actually enjoyed this podcast, I want
to hear from you because I don't even know what
the funk we just did, and I don't think it
was a funny one today. I think feel the ship.
We're not really done. Great idea, let's let the listeners
tell us which body parts they want us to fix.
They do that to me all the time anyway, watching
(14:19):
comments they pick on Gandhi all the time. I'm like, alone,
you have graves disease. You should get that fixed to
a doctor. I've done it. They're just big. I have
big eyes. The other day I posted a picture and
(14:40):
you know, sometimes I'll put in contacts. You guys also
know me. I don't have really anything fake going on,
but I like the contact. Sometimes they had a color
of color. These people are like, how dare you be
ashamed of your face and try to change the color
of your eyes? Why would you do that? I'm like,
are you really sliding in here with that? Because leaches
her hair and in comments on your always it's always
(15:02):
that your fake boobs are over there. But I can't
put contacts in. Look, I can move them right now.
It's great. Tell us why we leave a comment below? Please? Please?
Don't you really? How much time do we have left?
So we're done? Now? Okay, we really done. We're actually
everyone could bye bye bye. The fifteen Minute Morning Show
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