What Have You Done for Money?

We have all done it BUT what have we done for money??

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
Firm Elvis Presents Morning Show. Hello, I don't like that.
Oh so I talk first and I get to do it. Yeah,
you should do it. Wait what you like? I don't
like the way Scary handle something. You go talk first?

(00:24):
A right, yeah, I agree with Brodie handle Yeah. But
we were like, who has some thoughts and we're like, oh,
here's an idea. We were talking about examples of that idea.
Oh a girl, I got something. But and he hit
the button. Scary was about to enter like a marathon race,
and he started the marathon while we're all at the
starting line, and he goes, all right, guys, think about

(00:44):
this podcast is not everybody has, you know, contributions for
every topic. But the way this podcast moves so quickly
like lightning, we're gonna be off this topic in no time.
So don't worry, Garrett Broody, everybody can get there. You
guys agree the way on the topic that we're all like, yes,
we all like that topic. We all have something. You're
like that. I got something else didn't hit the button

(01:06):
the same topic though I didn't care about the topic
before that. It wasn't paying attention the topic before the top.
Are you guys on my same topic? I'm on your topic? Girl, Yeah,
and Scary I think was too. Yeah. So that's the problem.
What do you think the topic is? The topic is
the crazy thing you've done for money? But then you said,
oh I got this girl right? Yeah, on topic, So
I'm not trying to change the topic. Okay, what are

(01:29):
we talking about? No? No, Brody thinks I changed the
topic two seconds before we hit the button that says,
what were you talking about in this podcast? I don't
think you did. I don't think changes. I thought we
were all on the same page. He just came up
with something that he was going to contribute, and I
was like, yes, let's go right. I think we're all
on the same page. But Scary as soon as he
had his he's like, okay, ready go right. We were

(01:50):
still going well, I think, and he hit the button.
Even should we wait for the two? I'm good. I
got some from why don't you it up? Stoke? So
around the penis shaped table, we have myself, Hello, Bronie, Hello,
Garrett Nate, he said hello, and Scary. So we were

(02:12):
talking about right before this started, an app that's asking
some of us to do shout outs for money, and
I was like, I don't know if I would do that,
maybe it'll be embarrassing, blah blah. And then it turned
to let's talk about the weird things we've done for money,
which I thought everybody came up with something, and Scary
was very excited about some girl he knew in college. Yeah,
what was my girl that I knew? Was what girl
my friends knew? And then she went to Binghamton and

(02:32):
she would is this an urban legend? This is supposed
to be what did we do for money? It's not
even a girl, you know, it's a girl who knows
the girls. The girl. But I want to hear Allison
what she did for money? What she did. She would
go around to all the dorms and she would give
hand massages. She had a big bottle of jargons and
she can you just say what it was? It was

(02:54):
a hand massages. There was this something else. It was
a hand massage, would massage her hands. She massage your
hands from five dollars. That's not quite what I thought
it was. No, it was he would have made fifty
if it was what I thought. It was board hand
massage and that was what broke college kids did at
that time, and Sunny Sunny Binghamton and all my friends
were recipients of Did she advertise I'll come around and

(03:18):
give you a hand massage? Yes, And then they thought
it was something else and they would very disappointed. I
gotta say, I do like hand massages, so I may
pay five dollars for him, and you get some free
jargons with that. She would squirt jurgons in your in
your palm, do hold it for later, Yes, so he
could do what he wanted a parting game, some jargons,

(03:39):
so you could do what you thought I was gonna
do to you at home game. She would squirt jargons
and everybody lotion just she's dyed me that much. She
can't dry hand massage, so she squirts squirts the lotion
in the hand, right, and then she massages the hand
for a couple of minutes. That's that's not right. Five
bucks in the night, she could make fifty. That's like

(03:59):
saying someone wants to give you oral. They come over
and they talk to you, and that's the idea of
all a hand message. Hey, I'm gonna come over and
do anal with you. Then they come over and organize
all your papers, make all the funny you want. It
falls under the umbrella of this topic, which is the
crazy things you've done. Alison made some money. Did you
ever get a hand massage? I didn't go to I

(04:20):
went to Brooklyn College where they got foot jobs. We
have that, we're gonna have dorms. What about the rest
of you? Though? Everybody seemed like they had a thing
real quick. I never gave hand jobs for money, so
I don't know he did it for free. Yeah, I'm
not going to charge for this. I know I'm not
that good. Come on, Um, did you ever get massages? Okay?

(04:46):
What are you raising your hand for? Oh? No, I
was gonna say, um to the fellas in this room.
Have you ever paid for a hand massage elsewhere? But
that was totally off topic. On my body, I don't
need to pay for that. Okay, I can do it
for free. Oh this is another question, totally off topic.
But do you guys even like hand jobs anymore? Is
that like eighth grade? Ninth grade? I couldn't tell you

(05:08):
the last time I had one, right, because you do
what the best yourself, and why would you have somebody
else why would I I'm far away from that. Now.
That's not fun. No one likes hand jobs. I don't
like them, but it's just it's it's been a wild
since you've gotten one, and it's like, what is it like?
Having a debate with my friend about it, because I
was like, I don't think girls like the equivalent, and
I don't think guys like the hand shop because nobody

(05:30):
can do it like you can do it to yourself.
It's just the way, see what girls, you get a
different angle? Completely? Are you telling me what I'm talking about? Girls,
I'm saying the angles you can get that you can't get.
That's true. No, it's not. I don't think. I don't
think that's true. You guys are over valuing. I'm not

(05:52):
saying it's better. I'm saying his angles. I'm saying. I'm saying,
I don't think you know about the toys that exist
in today's I'm not saying that stand hands only, equivalence whatever.
I don't think that that's you. Guys get toys, women
get toys everything. It's so lucky. What are we going

(06:12):
to use? The flesh light the couch. The fleshlight is
the thing. They also have like the mold of your girlfriend.
If you want, you did a melonan a microwaves melon?
Did they do that in the American Pie? That was
the movie wasn't called American Melon? You idiot? Hey? In
the movie Jaws that was about attack. All these years
the movie has been out, you've been thinking that an

(06:35):
American pie? The title was some clue he banged a
warm apple pie d in his kitchen. Scotty b who
did the melon? I'm getting its confused? And this is
the road we go down. Actually, my old my old
boss in uh many many years ago, I would tell
stories when he got drunk about he would do a melon.

(06:57):
You've done melons? Have you ever had sex with the fruit? Go? Well,
that's a different that's a different question. And I and
I could confirm not not fruit but a stuffed animal. What. Yeah,
A lot of questions on. My dad opened a youth
account for me at Bank Loomi when I was a kid,

(07:18):
and they gave it when you when you opened an account,
you got a ted E bear. It was it was
a bear with the top hand in a bow tie
and was like a year later and had a hold
of it. I love you, do you go to build
a bear to sleep with them over the microwave. Did
not me. I warned him up to blow them up.
I never did them about this. This is the point

(07:42):
in the podcast, right go. Should we start over? Done
for money? You probably have something actually said we were
talking about this earlier, that he likes to collect all
the carts from the parking the the parking lot and
get a quarterback. And then I was like, I'm just
gonna throw a roll of quarters at you, and he said, oh,
that happened at an appearance One time someone started pegging

(08:02):
on me with quarters and then I just picked them
all up and kept him. He got like four dollars.
We did a Green Day show a long to remember
when back in the day Zy when hundred was alternative,
and so we used to go to all these alternative
shows with our hummer and all the kids would be
like posers. We used to And so I was at
a Green Day show at Nasau Colisseum and all these
kids were throwing quarters at me, like you posers. You
guys suck, And I was like, all right, keep them coming,

(08:24):
you know. So I just kept getting hit quarters. I
had marks welts all over my started cursing them, so
they throw money, and I just I made about seven
or eight books that night, eight dollars. My won't say
exactly who it was. A guy that I dated put
tape on the bottom of his shoe and would go
to the strip club and just like squirrel away some
of the dollars that were on the ground. That's shady,

(08:47):
thank you, that's what I said. I was like, you
don't tell people that, my girl. Those ladies work hard
for that money. What did you say, Scotty, I'll get
I'll go to the bottle return machines and people that
get frustrated because the bottles don't go through, they just
throw them in a bit on the side. I'm like,
I'll take that. I get Nichols that way too. I
don't care, man, I make no money in this place.

(09:07):
I got to do whatever I can, That's right. Scotty's
wife texted me while we were talking about this on
the Big Show and she said, Yep, my hobby, the
cheap skates, shopping carts, scammer, he said. She said that
he even returns the bottles and she can't believe that
he's getting her hair done right now, somebody has to
pay for that, so bottles shopping carts. It doesn't matter

(09:28):
her own job. Well, you know, she asked me for money. Whatever, Danielle,
have you ever done anything weird for money? Oh? Gosh,
Scary gave hair massages. No, Scary gave him all. He
won't buy the name of Allison. You did a girl
when you're in college. She would go around with the
Jergon's bottle squirts and for five dollars for ten minutes,

(09:50):
she go around to all the dorms and make like
fifty a night. My husband did. My husband made a
lot of money doing weird things. He gave haircuts with
slow bees, you know, the flow being get He gave
haircuts with it. In college. He also somehow managed to
gets americanditioners. I don't know how, just saying, and he
sold them to people in the door. They fell off
a truck. They fell off a truck. He used to

(10:11):
do weird things all the time to get money in college.
My my friend Chris Schwartz in I think it was
eighth grade, he had two VCRs in his closet that
he would dupe porns, so he would record porns and
then he would sell the porn that he recorded duplicate,
So he would duplicate the porns on the VCRs in

(10:32):
his close and then sell him at school for fifteen bucks.
I did that. You did that well? I did it
with um new movies, like I would get new releases
from people. Um. Yeah. But there were kids that would trade,
like I would trade Empire Strikes back for porn like
that kind of thing. There would be trades, like you
wanted to Star Wars for porn, you would trade, but
you'd have, you'd have. So I had a friend who

(10:52):
had like ten VCRs in his basement and he would
just run off copies of Star Wars movies and porn. Yeah,
it's a big business. It was back in the day. Yeah.
I used to sell rocks when I was a kid.
Did you think I picture on. I set up a
little stand in front of my house and I found
rocks and I and you know, one of them I painted,
I remember, and my neighbor came and he bought it,

(11:14):
and then he threw it over the fence as soon
as he bought it, and I cried for hours. I
was so sad. I worked a lot on it and hard,
and he threw my rock away. Yeah, but I painted
a flower or something. I don't know. I had a
smoke shop too, in front of my house when I
was a kid. Yeah, next time, I had scott smoke
shop and I rolled out this little cart. Remember those

(11:35):
punks that you know, like the incense things, but we
called the punks when we were kids, you know. So
I had those, and I had smoke bombs and the
little snakes that would grow on the sidewalk when you
light them on fire. And I hadn't had a little
business in front of my house. I sold smoke things. Rising. Oh,
tell everybody what used to do with cigarettes at school?
Oh man, that's how I didn't get beat up when
I was in high school. I used to work in
a store and I would steal the cartons of cigarettes

(11:57):
and I'd give them to all the tough kids. That
was my protection, so I didn't get bullied in school
because I gave all the tough kids, Well you should
have just told him you're the guys stealing cigarettes and
the story that stuff in this. But then I also
used to take like hubb abubble and bubble yum, and
I would give it to all the cute girls so
they would be my friends, so I need say blow.
I'm sorry, but you better be careful that hubble bubble

(12:18):
bubble um. That's the Aaron Hernandez story. Can get erry.
I never took raspberry, that's right. Yeah. Well, and I
used to actually pay people in high school to do
things too, which is weird that I paid people. Like
my social studies teacher used to call me Rockefeller because
I would walk around to hand people money, like quick
break this or blow that up, or do something, and

(12:40):
and I got to spend it one time for it.
I had um. I used to keep like old jars
of mayo and rotten fruit and vinegar and like. In
between periods, I would say, quick, go break this in
the hallway, and some would throw a big gallon of
vinegar down the steps. This is what Scotty didn't set
of playing sports. Ladies and gentlemen, make sure your kids

(13:01):
play sports. I cannot believe you, of all people did that,
he did it. At work when we used to wear
used to wat the promotions used to pay Biggie to
eat butter and bottles of Tabasco videos night. We would
watch the videos of them throwing bottles and stuff. That's
such a good how much that tub of butter. The

(13:23):
butter was Ronnie. We gave him twenty bucks. Yeah. By
the way, it's a front. It's all the front. The
nice guy thing. I don't want to hear his his
little judge things about people anymore. Now. I don't judge people.
Doesn't like people with tattoos. I never said that doesn't
like people has a tattoo. Well there you go for
the tattoos are dirty and little jazz hands. You specifically

(13:44):
told me work so sure about my boyfriend he's covered
in them? Was good on him? It does. He was like, no,
that's just dirty. I like a cute little tattoo, but
you know, the whole body thing, I don't know. And
then he said, people who smoke weed, he just judges them,
that's what he said. I do. I'm not. I'm not
a weak guy all after everything you just told us
you cannot you can't judge anybody. He has morals. I

(14:06):
just stall cigarettes. Yes, melon off the roof of the building.
That's right. That was fun. Remember our old radio station
building in Secaucus. We went out there at noon lunchtime
wearing the masks and we throw watermelons off the roof
of the building secretary sitting there typing away, and all
of a sudden a watermelon would come flying by the window.

(14:27):
What's going on? But you know what, he did not
have sex with a melon. I did not. I should have.
I don't know why I ever thought of that. You
should have done the melon before. He threw off the
tubes of Sally Hanson cream back over the back, over
it with the truck, and then so they all start squirting.
I don't know why. I never never make that, never again.

(14:50):
I don't know why I thought that was funny. Me like,
and we were in high school. We'd go for lunch
at Taco Bell and we would take the packets and
put it under people's cart tires so would explode. On
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