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August 13, 2018 16 mins

Back from the Iowa State Fair, we learned that Nate was touched and offered something special.

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(01:04):
sheets ever. These really are the best sheets ever for
what would you talk about on your on your podcast?
Firm Presents Minute Morning Show. One of the things I
love about the fifteen minute Morning Show podcast so we
can actually talk about things that we cannot talk about

(01:26):
on the other show, the big shows. Some stuff we
can some stuff we can't. Like Today, we'll talk to
Nate about the time he went into get a massage
to the massage parlor and the woman and they're tried
to whack him off. Most happened. We'll get into that
today too, um because he got his ask gramp this weekend,
so I forgot about Let's get into that later. Okay,

(01:47):
make a list, but first we start with Danielle. As
we go around the room, though we have Scary and
there's Brody, and there's great Tea, and there's Garrett and
Danielle and straight Nate. So I got dressed in the
dark this morning and Froggie was talking about this the
other day, how he accidentally put on his kids underwear.
I remember, So I put on my son's sock this morning,
but only one sock. So here's my sock, right, and

(02:10):
here's I look alike. But this doesn't even food. You
do not want to put a teenage boys sock on? Well,
guess what it came out of the short It was clean.
But I mean, how do you do that? Or your
son's underwear? The problem? When Froggy put on his son's underwear,
his son was still in them. So how do you
not realize you're putting on two different socks because it's

(02:32):
getting different, You're getting dressed in the dark. Wediculous. We
really have to once again revisit this scheduling problem we
have with this show. I think we should move the
show at least daylight. Yes, that would be good, But
you guys have never done that. Come into work with
two different songs, you know, I've done it with two
different shoes. I've done that too because I was out drinking.

(02:53):
That'll do it. This was actually, this was years ago.
This is a long time ago. I came in with
two different black shoes. Once they were they were the
same color, but one was a totally and the height
of the shoe was different. Like something doesn't feel right.
I was limping to work today. I've worn my underwear backwards.
I've gotten in the dark. I put the underwear on,

(03:14):
and then you go to the bathroom, like, where the
hell's the flow? Where is the flow? You pulled to
the left, pull the right. I realized it's on your
bust shirt inside out T shirts. I've done that. Or
if you still have the little plastic thing that says
m m m m all the way down the shirt,
it's a medium. Sorry, didn't take it off here. He
does that all the time. He always wears that. Yeah,
but scars l L L scary takes the MS off

(03:36):
the mediums and puts him on his shirt so he
can look like he wears the medium. And he comes
to work and he wants us to tell him we'll
take that M off your shirt. What other hazards do
we have with our hours? There are other hazards. Not
remembering how you got in, coming coming to work still
drunk from the paper before. It happens to the best

(03:56):
of us. I know straight and it's been in still
in the Brie walked in. I'm like, oh my god,
you smell awful. That was a booze. Just I've been
there time to time. I think the driving to like
because I realized some some mornings when I'm coming in

(04:16):
at four thirty that I don't realize how I got
from point A to point B, and all of a sudden,
I've already crossed the bridge and I'm about to go
into a tunnel, and I go, I don't remember driving
the route. Yeah, we're not really focused, and they allow
us to drive a car. Have you ever gotten off
the wrong exit too? Like sometimes I'll be I do
Greg Piece pre show in New York, So sometimes I'm

(04:37):
just keep driving and then I realized I missed my
eggs and I have to call them because I totally
just like blanked out and like I don't even know
where I am and like, wait a minute, where the
healthy eggs look. I just think in any profession, a
profession that you you choose to to tackle, doing it
at those hours not always the best idea. Some people
are naturally great at waking up early. I'm not now

(05:00):
were I'm a night guy. My mom always said though
as a kid getting up I was always happy in
the morning, where I would do my hair and I'd
be singing whatever. But are you the first to get
up in your house right now. And I'm cursing everybody
that's sleeping, But do you let him sleep? I do
let him sleep. I get I get yelled at because
I if I'm awake, damnit, everyone's gonna get up. Clan

(05:22):
clan clang trolley. I'll start bashing dishes together. My kids
and my husband must sleep through everything. Because the other day,
in my medicine cabinet, I had put too many things
on one of the shelves. This the entire shelf fell crashed.
It sounded like a china cabinet or something fell over.
Not one person got up to check if I was okay.

(05:43):
Now one person got up to see anything. They slept
through the entire thing. I just realized I'm the only
person in this room that lives alone, and I'm excited
for it. And the more I hear these stories, I
am just so happy to be there and just I
can make all the noise I want, as little noise
as I want. I can put on all the lights.
Who care? Only when you died off on your body.
Three weeks later, I woke up the whole house last

(06:04):
week because I'm a creature of habit in the morning,
like most of us are. I lay out my clothes
in the in the bathroom in the hallway, and I
lay out the toothpaste and orda. Everything is in the
exact same spot. So I walk in. I turned the
shower on the warm up, I I take, I go,
I pee. I brushed my teeth while the water is
getting warm. I do everything in a routine, and then
when I'm all done, I reached for the hair dryer
to blow dry my hair. Well, the hair dryer wasn't

(06:26):
in the middle drawer, and it threw me off completely,
like your entire day was off trying completely. So I
went running around the house, figuring one of my kids
barred the head dryer, even though they have their own.
So I'm going through their bathroom drawers, their closets, the hallway,
the makeup table, and I'm thumping up and down the
stairs because they're on a different floor. Walk everybody up.
I barred their hair dryer, blew my hair drow whatever.
So I come on. My wife says, yeah, your daughter

(06:48):
left the hair dryer out. I didn't want you to
see it on the counter when you see be upset,
so I put it in the bottom of your three
bathroom drawers. By mistake was that it was that close,
and I didn't because I was so out of it,
I didn't think to look at another drawer. Well that's
the point where also out of it in the morning,
you know, like Great Tea drives a pretty far distance,
probably the furthest on the show. I have the shortest commute,

(07:08):
so I'm still asleep. Like an hour into the show,
I wake up live on the air. Remember when Great
Tea crashed his car into his other car, Yes, that
was a good morning. He was awake for that, though
he was awake after that, that's for sure. So have
you ever accidentally gone for a massage and the wrong
kind of massage? Partner? Straight night we turned here. Yes,
there was this massage parlor in where the hell was that?

(07:29):
Somewhere in California, in this little city, and it was
one of these massage parlors where they heard you get
really good massages and it was really cheap um but
you walk in there and you kind of got a
weird CD vibe when you walked into the place. So
I go, and it was a cheap massage. It was
like twenty bucks or something. So I go and I'm
laying down, face down and getting the massage, and then
I turn over under the sheet and as I'm doing so,

(07:52):
the woman like, my eyes are closed because I was
embarrassed that I was kind of naked. So she taps
my shoulder and I opened my eyes and she makes
up and down motion with her hands weight the shake
weight motion, and I'm like, uh no, I didn't to say,
maybe she's rolling dice. So then she just went, you know,
kind of made this expression like okay, and then did

(08:14):
the massage on my shoulders and my legs and stuff
like that. So then I told this story to someone
and they said, well, what did you do? What do
you mean what I was? I put my money and
my stuff on the counter and or on the little
table there. He goes, was there cash out? And I said, yeah,
I had cash in my py. Apparently that's code if

(08:35):
you want a handy, you put cash out visibly on
the table. Now we know, Danielle, Now you know if
I want a handy, I'm gonna a great tea. You're
gonna try. I would not have said no. I would
have I would have said, have you gone to a
place and done none. I've always wanted to. I have not,
you know, you know, our studios are right up the
street from Chinatown. There's a lot of those available. I

(08:56):
have walked around and I've always thought like, is that
one of those places, that one of those places is
I would love to go in there? Is this one
of those places? He's going to walk into one of
those places and not be one of those places, and
it's gonna be very awkward. It's kind of like, you know, Colm,
and it's kind of like part of what you do.
You know when you go there, you know, like it's
part of you. You can go to place that don't
do it and that's fine. When when I was a

(09:18):
waiter at a wedding events hall on a Saturday night,
that was like a ritual for some of these guys,
like come on, let's go to the rubb and tug.
I'm like, what, No, I don't. I'm not getting a
massage and then getting this done. But I would be mose.
Guys used to go after work just to take take
you know, uh, you know, get a rest. I guess
our do it yourself. It's just not as fun though.

(09:38):
Hands I'm gonna put cash out on my counter and
just doak that, and they also got his ask okay,
who grabs? So we were we I go to this
boutique every time I'm in Iowa. I I go there
once a year um or you know, whenever we go
back to the Iowa say fair, and I buy a

(09:58):
couple of things because I love it. I'm not would
say the name of it. I absolutely love it. So
we all went in there and I bought some stuff
and Nate want some the first girlfriend and he walked
out with a little extra. She one of the ladies
there grabbed his butt. Yeah, she grabbed my butt, and
I was who else? I thought was Danielle for a second,
but then it was like a long, firm, like meaty grip.

(10:20):
And then I turned around and she goes, you don't mind,
do you? I'm like, what the So what did you
say to her? I guess not, you know, I didn't
know what to say, Like, what are you saying with
something like that? Yeah, thank you? Porn got off in
a rubbin tug and Chipotle this pu where he goes.
I didn't know what to say. I mean, I was
kind of taken aback by it. She took your back backside? Well,

(10:44):
so I didn't even get a discount on the earrings. No,
but we didn't meet. We did meet. It's going to
give it a wife, I said, I don't want to
say anyway. So I do think that if someone grabs
your butt, then you know, if you're offended, you should
say something. You should say. Look, you don't. I don't
want to cause a scene now, I know, but they
shouldn't do that. It's my butt. Hey, how would you

(11:09):
have reacted if someone grabbed Joe? But I would have said,
let's go to more. I just you know, but I
do want to okay you. Oh. I wanted to say
something about the massage, but not a massage. You know.
The other day I was walking up the street and
I saw massage Pollard, but I didn't see anything on
the menu for back scratching. And I think that we've

(11:31):
forgotten about the art of back scratching exactly. And I
just don't receive enough backscratching. And I think that everybody,
if you asked Scotty b is the anytime because I
always know when Scotty's behind me because he'll scratch my
back and I'm like, oh, Scotty even scratch my back

(11:51):
for you Scotty be can we bring him in here.
He's in the middle of working in the other room.
I'm fascinated by what happened to him over the weekend.
So over the weekend there was there big storms and everything,
and Scotty lives in this beautiful area that has very tall,
tall trees. Well, he got out of his wife's car
to go do something and eds as he was walking away,
and I think the stories I was I was coming

(12:12):
back to the car. I was picking up my neighbors
for dinner. And as I was walking back to the
car and I was about to pull on the door handle,
this huge tree fell. I heard cracking like you would
hear in the forest, you know, like timber or that
cracking sound. And I looked up and in my head,
I'm like, I don't know what to do right now.
Do I move the car or do I run away?
And uh, I guess my feet told me to run away,

(12:33):
and I did, thankfully, because it was less than three
seconds before the thing totaled both of our cars. So
if you had been sitting in that car, you would
be dead. At the very least I would have lost
my legs because it sheered off the steering wheel. The
steering will is completely off, so wanty to be here?
And he screams like a little child too. This time

(12:53):
I screamed like a man. Yes, normally I screeched like
a girl. Ah, but this time it was very It
was a deep yell. So the question was God forbid?
If we had lost Scottie on what Friday? Yes, would
we have done a show today? I hope not. The
answers we would not have done a show today. I
would want you to go on, I don't. I don't

(13:14):
think I could. I think the next time we did
a show, we would have talked about you and talk
about how much you meant to us. But I don't
think right after we would have done a show. How
long do you take well, I don't know. Well when
we're upset? Okay, so you're Jewish and we'd be sitting
sitting shiva on let's see if you died on Friday
and Brody help here because it's a better ju than I.
Because they can't have the funeral on Saturday because it's
shop us, so he could have the funeral on Sunday,

(13:36):
but it's hard to get a place to book on
a Sunday so fig a funeral on Monday, sitting shiva
for a week on the following Monday. But here's the thing, though,
when you sit shiva, you have to cover up the
mirrors because you're not supposed to think about your own appearance,
your own vanity. Nate would be screwed. You couldn't you
have to bring your own mirror. Why is Nate lucked

(13:57):
in the bathroom the whole time? Well, so I'm just
I saw pictures. If you look at Scotty's Instagram page,
you'll see what happened to the car. And when you
see this, you'll go, holy shit, that could have killed him.
And what's your on on Instagram? You ze Scotty b
z Scotty b go look at it. Kind of crazy,

(14:18):
it's insane. Give me a hug. So I asked Scotty
this morning, go, oh, you're getting a rental car, And
this is what he told me. Well, probably about a
year or two ago, I dropped the rental car carverage.
I said, it's like a hundred fifty dollars a year.
I got z one hundred trucks I can drive. I
don't need to get rental car insurance. Your neighbor's tree
fall in your car, it's your neighbor's responsibility to cover
your car and shape. The problem is the problem is

(14:47):
I know it's so fucking rude anyway. So the problem
is he's got one of these fly by night insurance
companies that no one's ever heard of before, that wasn't
even open until today. And when he called, he was like, no,
his insurance company is gonna take care of that. Don't
have Farmers, They definitely don't. They don't have anything you've
ever heard of before in your life. I love Farmers,
so I I called my insurance company and they'll hash

(15:07):
it out with them. But you see, I think I
would move to Farmers because they have that jingle. I
love the Farmers so typically, you know, I say, oh
that's a cute commercial. It doesn't mean I'm gonna start
using their product, but I like their product. But back
to you, Scotty, Yes, yeah, if I prefer the like
a good neighbor's thing, what about life from Progressive? We'll see.

(15:28):
My insurance company is called Chubb, which reminds me of
an erect penis Chubb Insurance. I've got Chubb. I got
Chubb Insurance. But anyway, Scotty, we don't have a second here.
We're so happy that you're okay. And I know it's
going to be an inconvenience because you know, trying to
figure out the car situation with your wife and everything,
but uh yeah, if you look at that picture Instagram,

(15:48):
Z Scotty, B go look at that. And we went
out for dinner twenty minutes later. I couldn't miss dinner,
had a reservation. Why not you have the I would
own his neighbor's house at this boy would free dessert,
not free house. We love He's got it. The fifteen
Minute Morning Show

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