Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
firm Elvis Presents Morning Show. That's write the podcast that
we talked about this morning on the Big Show. This
is the little show or is this a little big show?
(00:22):
I don't know what's the little big show? The melt?
This is a little show that could this is this
is a makeup on Yeah, I got tons of makeup
on right now because we shut up over there because
we're getting ready to do After Elvis. So after we
do this, we shoot After Elvis, which is on Facebook.
Watch right, that's food. This is audio. I'm scary by
(00:46):
the way this. You are Sam over here, and David
Brodie's over there. Good morning, and hello and Nate. You
don't need makeup, Daniel, You're very kind. I'm not even kidding.
Don't don't give me that pent. I think women without
makeup look way better than I'll tell you. On the weekend,
(01:07):
all I wear is a little tinted moisturizer and some
myscare And that's how I'm running around all weekend. That's
really all like. But why do you not believe us
when we say we like you without makeup? I know,
but for camera, I don't care about camera. I'm talking
about inforcement. Also, there's two things that I usually get
when I say that. Number One, um, you say that
there's four women never see me without makeup, so when
(01:29):
you see me with little makeup, you think that's no makeup.
And Two, I wear makeup for me. I don't wear
makeup to appeal to you for everybody. Yeah, I believe me.
I wouldn't wear any if I could, I would, I wouldn't.
I would wear this is how I would dress every day.
And I go to brunch with my girlfriend on a
Sunday morning, She'll be like, taking like an hour and
a half to get ready, and I'm like, what taking
(01:51):
on makeup? I'm like, the less makeup, the better. You
don't look any better than the best you look is
when you're waking up in the morning with branch on
the Sunday to me, is honestly putting on maybe ms Garam,
maybe a baseball hat, sweatpants and you know, and a
little sweatshirt and let's go all my girlfriend's phone call
that please. I just don't get it. I think I
(02:13):
don't know. Are you doing it for for other people?
You're doing it for women? Who are you trying to impress.
For me, it really depends on the day. Like I'm
not going to sit here and be like I just
wear it for me, No, but whom I do wear
it for four points from day to day. But Nate
in particular wouldn't understand because you have this weird genetic
something where you don't have dark circles under your eyes
(02:34):
and you really don't have lines or bags. So if
you were a woman, you'd be that woman that every
other woman hates. And I have dark circles on our eyes. Well,
you have a little more than Nathan. Yeah, I mean
circles eyes. I don't know. But you have more lines
than Nate doesn't. I don't even we're saying that Nate
(02:56):
for some reason doesn't have any most people have them.
That's the worst I I got him. She's got got him.
So maybe he should wear makeup with draws lines onto
his face. Maybe he looks like you don't. Here's a secret.
Maybe I do wear makeup grocery store I have. I
have friends who are getting filler injections and you know,
(03:19):
and like a botox now, and they're in their twenties.
I am forty five and I haven't had that done yet.
I'm not saying I wouldn't if I felt I needed it,
But I'm not there yet. But I don't understand. Like
I know people as angle it's for prevention, but what
are you preventing when you don't have anything yet? Like
I don't get work. You don't see a difference. Also,
like my cousin made fill us at a young age
(03:39):
and we've never seen her gets you're trying to say
that once because now once your wrinkles set in, if
you get on people noticing something you don't want very
Mantlow effect, where he waited until he was in his
what sixties to get something done, and all of a
sudden you're like, oh my god, is that guy going
eat million? I need to go get something done. There's
(03:59):
at exercise heary, Why don't you do something the work
that we should have on our bodies ready, Like I'm
getting this done when I hit forty, I'm getting what
do they call it a necklift or facelif facelift, that's
a neckliftb yeah, the gobble gobble, because I don't have
(04:22):
much of a gobble gobble now, but looking at my dad,
I know about fifteen years it's gonna be epic. So
I'm like, you know what, I'll just get it done
now preventatively, like fifteen years. People will be like, oh
my god, it's great. If I can get anything done,
it would be my underwriyed. Like supposedly, if you get
a little filler in there, it kind of fills in
the little wrinklies. I like to get rid of my
crow's feet. Is that why you walk that way? Right
(04:47):
there and right there in between? That's not a crow.
For the record, I don't love this topic. Just feel
like yourself. We're going around saying things we need to
change about ourselves. Everybody has something. You're the one we
vote for. The other person ever, all that, I don't
think pretty should get anything done. He looks good the
(05:08):
way he is, specially especially especially when he puts his
glasses on. When his glasses on, no, I love them.
You look cute with your glasses. Thanks. I don't wear
my glasses enough, because you want to know why. Because
they're those bifocal ones. So I don't really need them
(05:29):
with the chain. You don't really need them for anything
but reading right now. But she gave me a tiny
bit for distance. But I don't need it, so I
it's it hurts kind of when I'm when I'm looking
at elvis and wearing them, so I have to take
them off, put them on, take them off, put them on.
It's so annoying. I forget to even put them on now,
(05:52):
just like those those really people wear them on the
tip of their nose and then look over their glasses
a monocle when you show your kids, like when you're
giving your kids taile at all, say they have a fever,
I have to put them on because I'll give them
the wrong dose because I can't read the bottle. It's
oh my god, you don't wear glasses that necessarily that
(06:14):
your vision becomes worse because your eyes start depending on them.
And then said, no, but I think so, and if
you make faces it'll stay that way. That too, Okay.
By the way, Danielle, if that time you invited me
to your hotel room during the snows, if i'd come
over wearing my glasses, that is actually my kryptonite. So
(06:41):
my girlfriend wears glasses, but she doesn't wear them all
the time. So when she does wear what's going on,
Oh my god? She does that and then she because
she dresses up for the office. It's not around here
where we wish it off the office. But yeah, when
she comes home and she's got her hair in a
bun with the glasses on, yeah, oh my god, that's
my krypton. I want to get my glasses changed from
(07:02):
the bifocals to just the just the reading, so that
I don't know just by reading glasses I should I
can't get those at cvs. Are people moving back to
glasses from contacts because contacts were so big for so long?
I don't know. I have I think glasses are Yeah,
people glasses have increased. Yeah. I wanted a new pair
(07:27):
just for funzies, Like I'm the same exact prescription. I
was with my old ones and they said no, because
I've it's been too long since I visited. I told him, no,
it hasn't changed. I can use it, and they said, no,
you have to commit. I think they just want money
from me. Yeah, but they do have to check your eyes.
I can't believe the way the world has changed. He
wants glasses for funzies. When I was in school, the
(07:47):
kids with glasses got punched. Yeah, I mean I didn't
do the punch. Pay four eyes cold bottle glasses. Glasses
are a fun accessory graduation. And then we went to
that period where people wearing frames with no lenses just
walk around frames. Yeah. Yeah, Elvish Elic came in with
like a fashionable pair just once. I'm like, well, you're
wearing glasses, you need them. He was, No, there's no
prescription on this or anything. It's just clear. It's funny.
(08:09):
There is, you know, it's it's basically a disability, right,
not being able to see. So the comedian Jim Gaffick,
and he's got this bit about you don't go up
to a handicapped person to say, can I sit your
wheelchair for a second. You know, it's not fun to
be in a wheel fair. I got this prescription wheelchair.
It's a Chrysler. It's the funziest Yeah, funzies. Oh my gosh,
(08:29):
my word. I like hearing aid pretend hearing. In the nineties,
people were going through people were walking around with canes
like that was like it was a big wait wait, wait,
wait wait. I don't know about this rappers, but they
were very intricate, like they were really fancy canes. Yeah,
and they were walking around like, hey, what's up son?
(08:50):
People would walk with a cane. I'm talking about year
old kre just HARKing back to our Brooklyn Boys podcast,
who was walking around saying, what's up son? Those people?
But I'm telling you urban It was an urban thing,
was Urban Voice specifically. But I'm not just I'm not no,
I'm talking about I'm talking about everyone, whites and blacks
(09:13):
and Hispanics alike. I'm told it was a city thing
like Chicago, Detroit, New York, Miami. Anything with a cosmopolitan city.
Does it not happen in Erie, Pennsylvania, If that's what
you're asking. He didn't have Also, no Asians, pimps and hose. Yeah,
they used to walk around with kanes and then walk
(09:33):
around with canes and bring him to school and everything.
My high school had a whole problem. They had an
outlaw came. Really you had to prove that you needed one. Yeah,
my school had a tamagotchi problem. Remember those tamagotchis. Like
people would bring them to school and not concentrate on
their what they were doing those virtual pants, and they
got taken away from everybody. Not that, but I mean,
(09:54):
you're not gonna use something like that mass disrespect to
like people who actually need I feel the same way
with glasses. What are we gonna start feeling funzies glasses
should be offensive? Okay, what about crutches? I think it's
funzies crutches. Um When you would take someone else's culture
appropriate culture appropriate, I think your culturally appropriating glasses. I'm
(10:15):
gonna wear glasses for funzies. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
go buy a panel. Think Stevie Wonder would find that funny.
You wanted to see you doing it, but still, oh
my god, this is wait scary. For the record, I
went with you to get our eyes checked, and I
know for a fact you need glasses to read a slightly. Yeah,
but you refused to wear them, and you got a
(10:36):
really cute pair when we were there. Yeah, no idea.
And you have you ever put them on your face
for funzies? Hobout Funzies? Walker, I'm gonna buy you know what,
I'm gonna get a retainer for funzies. Gonna walk around
with headgear strapped in my head. It upsets me when
people go to like these amusement parks and they pretend
(10:56):
that they're in a wheelchair and they pretend whatever, so
that they can get to the front of the line
because they want to have more fun to not invite
my friend I was diabetic all the time. He knew
why you get you can get ahead and cut the
line with diabetes because he the length of the line,
like he might need to pay attention to his food
and drink more often. He had one of the insulin packs,
so he would get to go right to the front
of the line. Are just I'm just not being funny,
(11:18):
just curious. Couldn't he bring with him the appropriate food
and stuff he needed. I don't know that. They don't
usually let you bring food in Okay, So that whole
time I was a child, I wasn't asthmatic, had allergies,
heart condition. I couldn't cut the line. I didn't ask
for it. You don't have crow's feet, though, so even
(11:39):
I'm not scary, Thank God for that. You should have
been able to cut the line, have taken advantag Why
did that whole thing start like in the nineties. It
had to have. Yeah, because I was a teenager, not
a time the urban people had canes. Can I cut
the line? I'm a man, a man? Can I cut
(12:00):
through mine? Where do you put your cane on a
rollers fun crutches. Why don't we do for Thursday for funzies,
let's wear neck prices. That's fan fantastic casteah funzies, iron lung.
I think that'd be great. I want one of those
arm casts that where the metal rod goes from your
(12:22):
elbow to your shoulder to keep it in place. I've
always wanted a cast. I could I try one on?
If anyone yes, I love this. We could start new
fashion trends right here. Make sure you tweet all of
us and what you've worn for funzies. What debilitating to
never have dialysis for funzies? Give us a call an
(12:44):
Amesis Basin just gonna have that. Give yourself a cathea
the funzies. Yeah, stick that right up here, aure, just
to see how it feels for fun. That's no fun man.
Do you ever have a catheterization? Yes? What is heard
about it? But I don't know. I was cube. Yeah,
it was after surgery, so I was unconscious when it
(13:06):
went in. But I can assure you I wish I
was unconscious when it was coming back out. You woke
up and I woke like three days later. They go okay,
it's time to take it out. For so long, Well,
they don't want you. You You can't get out of bed
sometimes you after surgery, so you just pee that way
about like google Catha. Don't just words to cathin. Google it.
Google it. How do you spell it a google it?
(13:27):
It sounds horrible. It's not fun. Okay, pull that thing out.
Do you see the commercials like during cable news, Yeah,
they call it. I used to cath and it was painful.
Now it's not pay Do they go up your eureth
for Franklin? Okay, Franklin do they? Yeah? Oh, now I
(13:47):
know what it is. I can just imagine as supposed
to you imagine having a baby out of that, because
because you think about it, sketch on the weekend, ten
centimeters dilated an hour is ready to go that in
your That was that was the Tulips the first male pregnancy. Yeah,
(14:11):
by the way, and they said that the baby is
born and the guy scheduled c section, and then at
the press conference they're like, well, it turns out there's
a complication has to be born of the urethra and
the guy who's pregnant's face, by the way, an hour
and a half with three good sketches on the show.
Most of them were terrible. Really, Black Jeopardy was great,
it was good, but the Fireman sketch that was terrible.
(14:34):
And the and the singing complaints to the waiter at
the end, oh so much. It was at the end,
but the way they unveiled Cardi B's pregnancy by we knew,
but it was very cool how they did incredible. Yeah.
She coasted with yeah, I didn't want to turn the
(14:55):
fifteen minute morning show