Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
As we get into the fifteen minute morning show, let's
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(00:20):
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fifteen because it's the fifteen minute morning show Blue Apron
(00:41):
dot com slash fifteen. What would you talk about on
your on your podcast firm show? I got that peep
after Chaste going on right now. It's so good. Danielle
(01:05):
had a bunch of peeps hidden under her death. The
chocolate Moose ones. There are these chocolate bottom peeped with
the chocolate with but do you know how many different
peeps there are. It's it's crazy for they have so
many different flavors of peeps now with chocolate, and they're
(01:25):
so good that chicken palm peeps. They do not have
chicken fings. I was never a peep fan, but the
second they introduced dark dark chocolate bottom shell to peep.
Now you got chocolate and marshmallows, I'm in, what about you, guys?
I love every peep, you know, but I prefer peeps
when you leave them out overnight and they're a little harder. Well,
the ones that the whatever the peep pop that they
(01:48):
had all the peeps on it, they were a little stale.
They were good yet. But I do have a problem
with this place because those were my peeps and I
was given the basket. And what happened anytime you leave
ship out of right here it's going. It was at
my desk work and I went there today and there's
open boxes. Daniel goes, I can't. I don't know where
all my peeps one. I said, well here, there's some
right there. It was like half of was my reaction
(02:10):
what the fund is wrong with you? Here? Is there?
Is there a hip hop song when my peeps at
were not girls, like a song about someone's peeps. People
steal stuff? What you know? Stuff gets stolen? Oh, I know.
Usually it's scary. Know you came in this morning, you
said you left your charge on the counter. What did
I tell you? But it was over there, but it's
(02:30):
going to be gone. But most of the time you
can't leave anything. I had an Egyptian statue of an
Egyptian cat and it was beautiful that I got from
like the Museum of Natural whatever whatever, and um, someone
took it. I walked out with my cat statue from
my desk. Yeah, I thought you were actually gonna say
that in Egyptian at your desk, like an Egyptian story
(02:52):
about that Egyptian cat. She stole that from the museum.
Daniel does steal from place. I'm the first one, though.
You steal from supermarket stuff on the bottom shot and
quote unquote forget it's a long time ago and it
was a banana banaa. I know you're serious because you
have your bronx accent right now when you're very serious
about something admitted you had a case of water under
(03:13):
your cart once, so you didn't know that was Elvis.
That was soda. Wasn't it soda? He had a case
under his cart and he totally forgot it had a
TV set cosc haven't. I don't even shop at Costco now,
have you? Security is too good? Have you guys ever
done to weight it and eat it at the salad bar?
But fill it up halfway, then you weigh it and
then you put some more. You said at the candy store.
(03:34):
Because at the candy store, I eat while I'm online
waiting to pay. You pay for what you eat. I'll
tell you that when you do the way and eat food,
it's like at the at the bar, you scoop stuff in. Yeah.
First of all, I only eat the food that doesn't
weigh a lot. If you put mashed potatoes in there,
you're paying like ten dollars a pound for me mashed potatoes,
because it's like lead. I go for the most expensive food, yeah, expensive,
(03:57):
or like the lightweight like the black and cheese let
loaded up. But if you get like the Chinese food
like General Chose chicken that's bite size, you can pop
one of two of those right in your mouth, as
you're walking around, so you want to find the lightest food,
that's the most expensive, that's edible. As you're walking around,
you do the old I'm just gonna see if this
is if it's fresh, Yeah, sorry, they take make sure
there's two of them fresh anyway. Don't get the mashed
(04:21):
potatoes that you watch they put stuff in there. They
no ways a lot because they because you weigh it,
you have to like that's like one of those tricks
playing on us. Don't buy the mashed potatoes in the
way and need it. I don't sometimes that you don't
know what's in those things. People put their fingers in it,
and you don't. You don't go to the self served
not usually. I was at the place yesterday that was
(04:41):
serving at the counter different desserts and I was looking
at three brownies. I have to guess those brownies were
there since the inception of brownies, because they were supposed
to look like football's and they look like they look
like they were already. Uh someone took a bite out
of them already. And so I'm looking at go, how
fresh do you think these are? They? They? I mean,
(05:03):
I think you can get away with it for like
maybe a week. But after that, there's two places that
I do like to go to the to the buffet.
One is on a cruise ship because there's so many
different things to choose from and have a specific cruise ship.
Do you like to go we will talk Norwegian. But
the other one is a water park like the kids
when I'm when I go to like Camelback or something,
(05:25):
they have the most amazing and especially the desserts. They
have a dessert like they have a dessert chef that
they bring up for these things and they make it.
You left out, you left out. First of all, Chinese
buffet always always always great. You look casino, a good
casino buffet. Chinese probably Chinese buffet is an assault in
the mystery and there to kill elephants. That's fine, Okay,
that's for the I don't mind Chinese food. You get
(05:46):
pepperoni pizza and French fries and chicken wings next to
the By the way, speaking of Chinese food, have you
ever gone to one of those buffets that I don't
know if all around the country, but if you go
to these uh grocery stores have the buffets and you
get to like eight o'clock at night and looks like
the end of a time lapse video. Like, so you
remember the low man used to be thick and plump,
but by the time you got there, it looks like,
(06:07):
uh like hair. It's so dried out and thin, like
it's the after picture in the before and after and
it crunches. Yeah, you can't eat it. You can only
get those all right. Now, this is one for Brody.
Don't you think that the price should go down as
the day goes on because the food is deteriorating. But
don't they put out fresh I'm sorry. The cook goes home.
(06:32):
He works four to twelve and at twelve o'clock he
goes home. Okay, but they keep it on the stove
in the back, right, it's the candy store. They don't
have a kitchen in the I think the price should
go down by the half hour priced. No, it really should,
because the stuff is getting the cand Lope's brown. I
should get it for half composing. It depends on the price. Yeah,
(06:52):
if the price is good in the bargain's a bargain?
That did me gray shrimp a dollar a pound? Oh god, gross?
Dipping in something. No, it's still not good. I got
money for the doctor though, what is wrong with us?
So there's a lot wrong with us. So scary. You
(07:15):
know how you ran into my friend at Target the
other day? Oh yeah, but I had to defend you.
So you were at Target buying stuff for your nieces
and nephews. Right, yes, Now, when people hear you and
see your dating lifestyle, you're assumed to always date younger, right, right,
So you're a Target buying Easter eggs and candy, diapers
(07:35):
and baskets and baskets, and then he gets to do
his white vantage my friend. My friend goes, oh, so
scary does date younger people? And I go. Then I
had to go out and explain myself that it wasn't
for a potential date. It was actually for your nieces
and nephews. But it's just funny to easter. He was
trolling the schools when he left tet. I guess, listen,
(07:57):
you cannot judge me by what I put my shopping cart.
Yeah you can't. Yeah, I know, you can't tell you
you don't judge people of the grocery store by what
they have in there. And they're not scary if you're
walking around with with plastic Easter eggs and candy and
coloring book. Twist tie. You're not going to judge that
(08:19):
I had hot wheels. I had three hot wheels. I
did Oh my god, Oh the giant asked Easter bunnies,
the chocolate Easter bunnies with the long ears, and then
tranquilize the pills. I'm just doing something nice. He's a
great uncle. But don't jump to conclusion exactly. That's the problem.
Bunny jumped to clue jumped too a big conclusion. Dude.
(08:40):
The cash she has always look at you. There was
two times I remember that the cashier looked at me weird.
One time there was a sale on soda and I
think I bought like twenty bottles of soda, and then
she looks, well, you hate yeah, because my dad they
used to like when I was a kid. I remember
they put like a coupon in the paper where you
would get like if for every ten cases you get excess,
(09:01):
my dad would take for per order. My mom would
go through the line. My dad went to the line.
We looked like a cheap bastard, like just just paid
for this ship. Back in the day, when I was
a kid, my mom would buy whatever because it was
like one per order, right, so I would buy one,
we'd have a friend with us. The woman behind us
wasn't buying one, so we give it a heart of Budy.
Do you think the cashier doesn't know? Of course the
(09:22):
cases but the but the register doesn't can't bring it up.
So I had the twenty bottle of so and she goes,
we're having a party. No, I'm just just trying to
save money. And then one time talk One time, my
wife says to me, can you go get a couple
of bags of baby carrots. I was like, okay, and
I needed light bulbs, so I got light bulbs and
baby carrots. The woman goes, that's all you're getting. So
I was like, yeah, I have really bad eyesight. And
(09:45):
he looked at me. It's just a really you know, man,
I'm just try making a joke. But but they but
they try to figure out, like, what's your what's going on?
So you should do that? Make weird combinations up, or
go to the grocery store and drop random ship and
people carts when they're not looking in to see if
they buy it. Because they buy a case of beans
and then a case of toilet paper. They do that
(10:06):
on the practical jokers. But if you have kids, I unpacked,
I unpacked the cart, and I go, who bought this?
And I'll see my one of my daughters go, I
don't know. Come on, no one bought these smartest cookies
like it was you. No, I didn't. My worst buying
combo was I had to get, you know, pacifiers for
our daughter, and we're also out of garbage bags. So
(10:29):
going up to the counter with pacifiers and garbage bags,
I'm only left to assume that people think that I'm
I'm putting a child in a garbage bag with a pacifier.
Or you're having one of those parties where kids dress
up like uh, adults dressed up like babies, and you
have to pacifier with drugs, right, But think about it.
You walk up to with the cash register, you have
garbage bags, the heavy duty like construction ones, and a
(10:51):
bunch of pacifiers. What else are you supposed to do?
You guys a scary garrett. You guys have all bought
condoms at a drugs star at one point You're like,
of course, so so you either have to buy them
with you. I've never never, never have that practice safe sex.
I always have, but in college, you know, they would
just have them like they're by the droves. And then
(11:12):
when I started dating my my now wife Ali, she
just said, you know she she bought them. Dude, that's cool.
So when you buy them, you either have to buy
a lot of things so they get like it gets
mixed and you don't notice it, or like if you
if you just bind them, You've got to figure out
that one other thing that doesn't look suspicious, like like
(11:33):
like you can't buy like uh like baby oil and
condoms or like because it's like so I usually buy
like likes. I try to figure out, like what's gonna
look like not inappropriate. I wouldn't buy steak knives and
duct tape. Condoms in oios don't go together, like flu medicine,
like like like like night quill, you buy night coil
(11:55):
and condoms, it looks like you're trying to knock out
your partner. Like you have to be careful. I forgot
who I was with and they were buying how many
guys have you been with? No? No, no, they were
buying condoms. I'm just saying it wasn't somebody that I
was dating and he was in the other aisle. And
I yelled to him, you want the extra small ones.
He was like, Danielle, that's not even a joke, Like
you don't mend with somebody. Was not scary, but it
(12:17):
was funny. It was funny at the time. It's not funny.
You'll have the extra small ones. I got your row
gain right here. I mean, just any insult you can
possibly I got your yeast infection medication. Danielle, my god,
cell right here? Oh god, shut up? Went away to
(12:39):
begin with jackasses. Gosh by the way, speaking of vag
selling vaginas, Danielle says to me, she's cleaning out her
desk right. No, no, it came in the mail, yester,
I came in the mail, Danielle. So she gets this
product and she goes, I don't need this, Brody, Do
you need this? Because I have a life and three daughters.
(13:01):
And I go, I can't bring that home. How offensive
would that be? If? What was the product? Daniell? Okay,
I got a picture and hold on. It was called
Vanicure Essentials. So I'm thinking, always a new line of
beauty products manicure, manicure, and maybe it's for my face
two looks your skincare for the v gentle wash, cleanse
(13:23):
and refresh a gentle exfoliator. Now, let me tell you something.
I am not exfoliating down there. That is going to
be painful. It says revitalize and refine vv vv cream
to moisturize and rejuvenate. And then there's all this other
stuff serum luminizer. Who needs to luminize down there? You're
supposed to luminate. What is luminizing? What does that do?
I don't know. If the shin of light down there,
(13:44):
then that illuminated. So you imagine you go home to
Lisa and you're like, hey, I got you this product
so you can clean up down there and exfoliate yourself.
It's almost like an insult. Yeah, you can't bring it home.
They came to me about doing advertising for like tightening
up down there, and I said, I'm going to go
(14:04):
sit in the meeting. I need to see them. So
we think that there's a way we can make this
come across on the air. I go, I'm not talking
about my vagina in a commercial, Thank you very much.
If you hold on saying for how much money would you?
It was a lot of money. You know what if
you're w who was like sleeve of wizard you'd want
(14:24):
to do that? The hell is sleeve of wizards? That Danielle,
he's hearing Bortliness never said no to a dollar? Would
you do penis enlargement commercials? Depends on the price. Okay, no,
not penis enlargement, not penis? Would you do like ball
(14:47):
sack tightening for like I rectile this function? Commercial? Would
you do that for a thousand dollars? No? No, what's
your price? Not a thousand? What's your price? But there's
a price, there's a price that we could pay ten
grands to say that you have a limp. I'm not
gonna lie because I don't lie in my endorsement spots.
I'll be honest about it. I can talk about ship
(15:07):
but if just fine, But if yours doesn't, you can
take these pills? Yeah, you would do that. How did
you know those pills work? Though? Well, then what if
they made you watch guys and work? We don't. I
don't lie on commercials. I tell the truth of commercials.
So I'm not having that problem, not going to say that. So,
so then that's why we have to talk about an
enlargement one. So if so a doctor comes to you
(15:28):
and says, we want to enlarge your penis. He said
he doesn't need an enlargement. How much, how much? How much?
How much lecture? How much do a large? Ten grand?
Ten grand? To question? Have you ever said no to
an endorsement? Ever? Yes, I did just recently. What I'll
tell you what. I just recently said no to a
vaping place. I just I don't do it. I don't
(15:49):
like it, I don't support it. So I said no,
I'm not doing it, and they got and it was
a considered about of money. People in the sales department.
We're very upset with me, and I said, I'm sorry,
I'm just not I'm not interested in I don't want
to do it. You really said no because you did
a Pamper's diaper commercial. Because I could talk about my
other people in my life. What have I said to
I gotta think about it was something controversial. Actually, I'm like,
(16:10):
I ain't going near that. I remember the political. It
was political. You did Fox Fox News because it was
just saying, hey, here's here's a show that's on Fox News.
It wasn't like, hey, I watched this show and I
love this. So for ten grand, you will do a
penis larger in commercials? Yeah, and get the surgery, not
get the surgery, but talk about it. How much for
(16:32):
the surgery? Here's my question to doctors that want to
advertise but yet you've never used them, or you don't
know anyone who has used them. What if something happens
and then something goes wrong, you're kind of I would
think you'd be responsible because you're not endorsing it, you're
just telling the story. To cut this short, this conversation,
but the fifteen minut at morning show