170 - The Giver - 12/14/17

Is this the worst podcast ever? Why does Skeery have crusting stools?!?!? What is a "cheese tour"???

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
Firms Represents Morning Show? All right, the guys again. Yeah,
it's the guys. I'm glad it's just the guys because
all of the girls are so occupied with shopping. Yeah,

(00:26):
I don't care, like yeah, like everyone's like, oh yeah,
I gotta get this for this person is like, but
you don't even ask them. I said, Danielle, how you
doing because Bethany's sick today, said daniel how you feeling.
I've been shopping all last night. I'm exhausted. I gotta
go shopping today. It's so tiring. Mike's been wrong. Did
I take shortcuts and body gift cards for everybody that

(00:46):
you walk into a mall. The staff does the work.
You hand them a credit card. They do the work.
They put in a bag. You walk out the hardest pots.
They're looking for a talking space. That's it. Yeah, Oh,
it was shopping. There was some study I was reading
about this morning. Seven out of ten people, if you
threw out the option of not gift exchanging giving gifts

(01:07):
at the holidays, they would take it. People would forego
giving gifts this year. I'm only getting gifts from my
family and it's the easiest thing ever because I know
exactly what I'm getting them. I'm getting them all one
nice thing and that's it until they dropped the unexpected
present on you. The person that doesn't that you don't
buy for. It's like ship, I thought we weren't exchanging

(01:29):
this year, and then you feel like Nate's right. If
I could work it out, like say my wife and
I exchange gifts. If I could work it out, I said, listen,
we have a hundred dollar budget. Go buy what you want.
I'll go buy what I want because I was. I
was at the mall this weekend and I bought something
that comes in different colors, Like what color do you
want to go? It doesn't matter because whatever color I
pick out, she's going to exchange it for the color
she wants. So put any color that you have in

(01:51):
stock and give me a gift for seat she's coming.
I know what color I want, so I should just
buy my own gift, come home and go thank you
brought myself a watch. Though. Don't you like the excitement
of opening the gift and not knowing what it is? No,
because it doesn't a way the disappointment when they don't like,
what you got them? My biggest problem is I buy

(02:11):
everything I want for myself and then I'm done. I
don't need anything, and I cut people off at the
past when they try, and just when you think that
I need something, Like for instance, my girlfriend thought, oh,
he has these decrepit bar stools he's getting rid of.
I think I'm gonna go out and I am barcetls.
What did I do? I already I was at this
place and I just bought the bar stools and they
were already sitting shiny new in my apartment when she

(02:33):
came over and she goes, hey, I'm like, what I
was brought stools for you? When you got new ones.
That's a fail. You can't buy yourself nice things in
December because somebody else's way. But that was an obvious
gift you need. The old stools are crusting over, okay,
But why are these white swivelly chairs with a cushion?

(02:58):
And I thought I had think that's what are they
from the seventies? I thought I had real lead leather.
That's quite the word. I thought I had real leather.
But they're not. They're fake. They're literally they're chipping off
fake leather is known as plastic. I've never seen somebody
so passionate about it's just painted on and painted on whatever,
and it's chipping off and it's just a sponge cushion.

(03:20):
Is the one that you got real leather? Yeah? Are
you sure you thought that the last time? But it's true.
I thought I I thought I had expensive stools. I
guess I didn't. I don't want to hear about your stools.
But are they made by nerve? Oh my god, okay,
get this. The chair is made of the nerve material.

(03:41):
The actual it feels like a nerve material underneath. So
you got this is nerf white. You know what they
call it. It's a sponge. It's just like a nerf
y spongy and it's oh my, my chairs have dan driff.
They're flaking white paint on the floor. How do you
get a woman over to your apartment? But you trust
the lake they have over the years. By the way,

(04:04):
I want you to, I want you to go on
social media today and tell people you have krusty stools.
What do I do for crust? These two scalvius, what
you do for them? God doesn't want to talking about
scary has crusty stools. What should he do? He was
my favorite clown, authentic leather stools in my apartment. But

(04:29):
apparently I didn't made of the same sponge that that
you make nerf balls with, and and the paint was
crusting over and it's flaking all over my floor like
white danger flakes. So now I needed new stools. But
I thought I had real ones. I thought, this is
the worst podcast ever ever. They're talking about crusty Garrett
here it saved Scary has crusty stools. I thought Nate

(04:50):
would have the rusty stool because the problem to call
you that in high school, you guys are not talking
about anything that's very savory when we're talking about gift
And he started talking about krusty stools that he needed
to replace. So he replaced them, and then somebody had
already purchased him. What does this have to do with
But Nate had a good theory that he would rather
that we just buy ourselves gifts and skip the whole

(05:12):
buying gifts to other people thing. I'm the only one
in the room that likes receiving gifts and not knowing
what I'm getting. No, I love that. I think it's
so exciting as you get older. Though, I don't think
you really want that. I don't. I don't think you
want the unknown. I think I agree with him too
for myself. Like let's say I needed glasses. I want
to get these specific glasses. I don't want you to
go buy me a Paris. He's gonna buy them for you.

(05:34):
That's something you buy for yourself. There are there are
things that you need to like for yourself, very personal things.
No one's ever going to buy me the sweater that
I wanted. I don't hear the sweater they like, but
not the one I wanted. Now I understand, Yeah, no, no, no,
Scary needs to buy his own bar stools. I can't
just go and buy I would buy really nice bar
stools for you, you know I would, And would you

(05:54):
accept Elvis's bar stools, And then with the bar stools
I would buy for your apartments, they would be that
any other friend nitre you have and may look like crap. Well,
on round two, I bought myself better bar stools than
what I had. I'm just saying. But now his girlfriend's
mad because she was about to buy in barstools and
he brought himself a gift in December. You can't do that.
Barstools aren't a gift. Barstools are barstools. Yeah, but they

(06:14):
had conversations how he needed new ones, so she went
and picked out ones, and he went and bought them,
and then they showed up in my living room and
she's like, I got a side. Was scary on this?
Barstools are very personal, all right. Well, Nate's girlfriend went
out and bought the thing that he was going to
get her. Yeah, a wallet. I wanted to get her
a wallet, and she bought herself, and she bought it herself.
What did she need it? Immediately? Was wallet a falling?

(06:36):
She bought it within the window of time that you're
not supposed to buy yourself a kid. Yeah, there is
a window of time. You can't. We determine what that is.
I'd say two months personally, two months starting Thanksgiving or
even before. I'd say the beginning of November, right after Halloween,
at least mid November, because Black Friday comes, you're gonna
start shopping exactly. I feel like everybody in here has
something in common that we buy the things that we want,

(06:58):
and we all have penises who yes, no, it's not
like we wait for somebody to buy us something like
if you, I feel like everybody in this room, if
you if you know you want something, you're gonna get it.
So other people getting you things, they should know that,
and especially get something as you get older, Like you're
the only person that likes to get a surprise gift.
But we're all older and Elvis, for instance, You're like,

(07:21):
there is nothing that I could possibly think of to
buy you that you don't already have. That's the thing, now, Okay,
in the true true spirit of gift giving, the best
gift you can give is one that will move them
and one that they haven't asked for and maybe didn't
even think about getting themselves. Buying me a wallet because
you see my wallet is starting to fall apart. That's
nice of you, and that's great, But buying me something,

(07:44):
presenting me with a gift a total surprise, like wow,
I love that. I never thought of that. That's the
ultimate gift. An experience, an experience. That's why experiences are
so much fun. Yeah that I like, my wife got
me a last two years ago for Father's Day at
chance to drive a race car, like on a race
track and did you ask did you ask for? I
wouldn't even thought of it? It was it something you needed? No,

(08:06):
that's the kind of gift you don't think to buy
yourself exactly. But like a sweater, I don't need sweater.
Have you driven it yet? Um? No? Three years ago?
What are you waiting for? It's a long story. I'm
gonna do it. I had surgeries. I couldn't you know?
I had arm surgeries. I have so many of those
gifts of experiences from like ten years ago. I've yet.
I have backrupt coupons that I haven't used yet. I

(08:27):
don't know I'm supposed to go to like a tour
of Murray's. Murray Cheese is Remember when you got Murray's Cheese,
a famous cheese store in Griwitch Village. They have a
cave and you get a special private tour. Fifteen years
ago someone gay that to me. I've yet to go
into the cave in the city. It's a cheese cave
that smell Mellie cave. Well, no, they you know you

(08:51):
put cheeses and caves. Why do I have to explain?
I don't know how cheese caves were Walking through the
holes of Swiss No, the point is that made of cheat.
The point is this, And also three Christmases ago, four
Christmases ago, Alex gave me a gift of being able
to take off and land an airplane. I have that one.

(09:15):
How many years ago? Did you get it? About four
years ago? For? Because we I don't know when you
give or get the experience gift, you got to understand
that it may not be experienced. It didn't come the
biggest proponent for experienced gifts, but you haven't used one
of them. We're supposed to go to some Germany to
drink beer. I supposed to go in a beer drinking excursion.

(09:36):
I can't even drink beer anymore. Going to Germany is
like a big deal flying a plane. You all you
need is an afternoon to go. Do you know though
the plane one I think you might be holding up
because there's a very good chance you may not survive it.
Here's a one way ticket to another experience I got
was a walking a walking food tour of Chinatown. Well,
any one can do that. Yesterday? Yeah, I got to

(10:00):
walk the mall. You get to go with people who
have the ends at these incredible Chinese restaurant and you
go have a dish, everybody. The point is this, when
you give the gift of experiences, sometimes they won't be
cashed in. It's a good thing. Man, This year, you're
gonna get a tour of the Elvis Strand morning show studios.
Chip in, you're not going to use it. But the

(10:21):
best experience to give is when you have to go
with them. For here's two concert tickets. We're gonna go.
But that's but that's like half a gift. That's not
even scammy. That's good because I want to share it
with you. You know. That's like buying someone like you
live with an Xbox, but it has to play, if
it has to be a band, a like right, well,
I'm not gonna daniel don't commitce. The worst podcast ever

(10:43):
might not on Danielle. That's why. So here's the thing.
When you give the gift of experiences, like a tour
of a cheese cave or something, there's a chance there's
a chance you'll never ever cash it in. So you've
got to be careful. I have a stacks and stacks
of experiences I've never gotten. I could take some of
those off. That's what I was gonna say. There was
one day where we all cleaned out our desks and

(11:04):
we put all the crap that we don't want on
the table. If you have these experiences that you don't want,
you're more than welcome to give them to me. I
will use them. Put the crap on the table. I
just cleaned out my closet of gift cards and old
Duncan donuts, free coffees, and Scottie Be said, I'll take
all of these right now. You gave them all your
gift cards. Yeah, old old you know, like a free Baskin,
Robbin's ice cream cone, frea cassettes. I don't go an yeah,

(11:27):
or you know David Busters the video game place? Would
they have tickets from ten years? I had the tickets
and I had these power cards, like my kids love that. Hello.
I gave it to Scotty Be. What is it the
only one here? What am I gonna go to David Busters?
I'm a grown ashman, his adults to David Busters. It's

(11:50):
an adult entertainment. Play myself to scary just because there's
laws keeping you from going there, and you're in there,
so yeah, you just walked into the worst podcast every Yeah.
Cooking something in the oven today. Can I just tell
you what happened? If someone burns something? Somebody left the
oven on and there's nothing in it. So I walked
past and I go what is going on? And I'm like,

(12:13):
there's nothing in this and I opened it up and
we had to turn it off. Somebody's trying to burn
down the radio station for the second day in a row.
The other day Bethany lit the micro river. Yeah, I
got to go on board. Okay, Daniell would be guilty
of this. We were talking about whether or not you
would give up buying other people's gifts if you could
just buy yourself gifts, Like if everyone for the holidays
bought themselves gifts, wouldn't you be better off? You get

(12:34):
what you want now because you buy yourself stuff anyway.
I do, and I love watching people's faces when they
opened gifts up too much? What about getting gifts? What
did you rather just buy your own shoes because they're
exactly what you want? No? I want? No? Okay, yeah,
but don't you hate? Don't send hints? Don't you hate
when you go, oh, it's nice that, so go with

(12:56):
the code. I don't wear extra what's your sided voice?
When you get to open up a box. Oh my gosh,
thank you so much. So that's fake. Yeah, what's your
I like it, but not really. Oh this is great.
That really sounds like, oh this is a well we
know what not to get Elvis, uh anything, any anything? Hey,

(13:16):
I don't need anything, but I like experiences, but I'm
not gonna go to them. So here's what we do.
We print up like fake experiences. Oh my god, Like
here's a trip like around like the Tri State area
to Vityards and like hiking and shock hunting, all kinds
of crazy stuff. He's never gonna come, but we get
the credit. But Brodie's damn look, you know he's going
to use them and then try to cash him in

(13:38):
and I'll go, son of a pitch, it must have
been fake, damn it. And then Bernie will get a
free experience at it after you can play let's get
him like like diving with the shocks. He'll never go to.
Last Christmas is I got. I got a gift card
and I don't have the heart to tell the person
that when I went to go spend it there was
nothing on. I'm like, you know what, family friends, Okay,

(14:00):
but you and I talked about this I told you
a year ago. I think it's a brilliant scam. They
get fifty dollar credit. You think they got ripped off,
and they still get the credit for it. They did
it on purpose. If I have an expired gift card,
I'll give it to you. Yeah, well I'll try. I
will say a lot of these cards, if you hold
on for them too long, they go to zero. The
Steak and Shake card that I gave Scotty Beat don't work.

(14:21):
It don't work. Don't work like like whatever you paid for,
uh your Grammar lessons, ten dollars Blackbuster video. It doesn't work. Yeah.
The Steak and Shake gift card don't work. Didn't work,
it don't work. I went there and there's no money
on it. Okay, Yeah, you did the same thing. I

(14:42):
ordered food and they put it in and they said, okay,
it's seven ways, so I had to I had to
pay for it. You went to Steak in Jake s
all the way over there? Am I the only one
who doesn't know what fifteen minute morning show off