November 7, 2025 • 10 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses how to spot narcissism in a friendship or relationship. Do you often walk away from a conversation feeling like somehow everything is your fault? Maybe you feel super drained or like you just can’t do anything right. Well, you might be dealing with a narcissist and not even realize it. In this episode we are diving into how to spot a narcissist in your relationships and friendships, and how you can protect yourself from allowing these types of people to fully infiltrate your life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. Today's topic is a
it's a it's a spicy one, and that topic is
are you friends with or are you dating a narcissist? Hm? Wow, Okay,
we hear this word being thrown around like crazy now right.
I feel like narcissism and narcissist is a word that
(00:25):
has kind of surfaced over the last few years, where
you know, self help and more of these gurus out
there have come to the forefront to talk about what
this means. So it's interesting because it really does get
tossed around a lot, but I feel like it gets
tossed around in a very flippant kind of way, and
people are kind of like, well, what really, at the
(00:47):
core does that mean? And what really are the things
I should be looking for, Like somebody being mean or
having an off day, or saying a rude or mark
that's out of character. That's not necessarily a narcissist, that's
just someone being a day. But the narcissist is somebody
at the core who really makes you feel a certain way.
(01:07):
And there are like a lot of warning signs that
you should look for when it comes to narcissism, And
I talk a lot about friendships and relationships on this
podcast because they're so important. They're so important in our lives,
and as we continue to go through life, and as
we continue to get older, we see things that unfortunately
can be very disappointing. We also see things that can
(01:30):
be so incredibly heartwarming and positive and amazing, and I'm
here for all of that. But those things are easier
to spot and easier to find, whereas sometimes the more difficult,
you know, negativity in our lives can be disguised or
a masked as somebody that's positive and wonderful, but in
(01:50):
reality they're not. So I'm trying to make your lives
a little easier through things I've gone through, to spot
a narcissist in your relationship or in your friendship, and
like the real death nission of one, not a word
that's thrown around on social media or Instagram or in
a song. Like, it's a very real thing. You deserve
friendships and relationships when you feel seen and you feel heard,
(02:14):
and you feel validated and you feel worthy and you
feel wrapped up in love. And if you're not getting that,
then we need to figure it out. I am like
your little friendship relationship warrior, I am here to smack
somebody in line that is not making you feel like
a million dollars, because if they're not making you feel
like a million dollars, thank you. Next, I'm not here
(02:37):
to play because you need to feel like a million
dollars on a regular basis. So there are warning signs
that you should definitely look out for when it comes
to your relationships and friendships to make sure you are
not getting involved in a narcissist because at the bottom,
the bottom line here is that doesn't make you feel
great and it actually can quite quite often put you
(02:59):
in a really really bad position where you're not able
to be your best version of yourself and succeed in
life and sore in life. So number one, who the
number one thing to look out for is you feel
like you're constantly walking on eggshells. If you have that
feeling in your friendship or your relationship, that's a red flag.
(03:21):
That is a red flag. And let me tell you
I was in a relationship in my twenties where I
described it quite often as I felt like I was
walking on eggshells because the littlest thing would set this
person off I'll never forget one time I was in
the kitchen and I dropped a pepper grinder and like
the you know pepper grinds, I guess you called them,
flew all over the kitchen floor. Not a big deal.
(03:43):
Had a little dustbuster that I could zip it all
up in. But it was literally a three day fight
because I dropped a pepper grinder and I made the
home dirty, and I was not paying attention and I
was sloppy and I was fast and I was quick,
and it's like, dude, chill out. It's not that deep, right,
Like walking on eggshells is the worst feeling in the
(04:06):
world because you feel like you can't be your true self.
You feel like at any moment you're gonna jump out
of your skin because you're on such edge. So you
want to make sure that if you feel that way
in your friendships or relationships, you get take a note
because that's not normal. That is not a normal way
to live. It's also a very unhealthy way to live,
so you don't want to be doing that. I think
that for narcissists there's also zero accountability ever for anything
(04:29):
that maybe they do wrong, and that's where that phrase
gas lighting comes in, which is also a very overuse phrase,
which is unfortunate because I feel like it's lost it's
appeal and it's a lowre because it's actually a great word.
But when somebody can't own their mistakes, that's a problem.
And then even worse, it can make you feel like
you're the one that messed up when you didn't. So
you need somebody who's able to just, you know, take
(04:53):
that accountability for any problems that come up. Problems are
gonna come up, You're gonna mess up, I'm gonna mess up.
It's all good, but you gotta own it. Can that
makes someone feel like they're always the problem when they're not,
that's narcissism, So take note of that in your relationships
as well. I think that kind of piggybacking off of that,
if your mates to feel guilty for something you didn't do,
(05:15):
that's another example. It's like, why are you making me
feel bad for literally something I had nothing to do with.
It's again somebody not being able to have that accountability,
and it's not a good feeling. You shouldn't have to
deal with that ever in your relationships. I think that
there's also a control aspect with narcissism, When someone's trying
to control you, it can quite often be masked in
(05:36):
a different emotion like oh, no, I'm doing this to
help you or you know, heal you, or be your
cheerleader or you're champion. But it's not always the case.
It's like a level of control that some people want.
And when you're being told how to act, what to say,
what not to say, what to eat, what not to eat,
(05:57):
what to wear, what not to wear, what jobs you
should do, what jobs you shouldn't do, who you should
hang out with, you shouldn't hang out with. It's not good.
Someone shouldn't be trying to ice out your friends, your family,
people like that. You know, the same person I referred
to earlier would quite often make awful remarks about friends
in my life and I'm like, bro, like this is
(06:19):
like my sister like why are you talking about them
like that? And meanwhile their friends were no walks in
a park. Like I was like, oh my god, it's
torture hanging out with your friends. But like I never
made a thing about it. I wasn't like, you can't
talk to this person. So when you're when someone's trying
to do that to you for no apparent reason. That's
a problem. That's a problem. So I really hope that
(06:42):
you take note of that too, because I hate when
people put wedges between people that you love. It's not cool.
And friends, we'll try to do that too. Friends will
get jealous of other friends and try to have you
turn your back on a friend, and that's not cool either.
So it's not just relationships. Another thing is when your
needs don't matter, because we all have needs, and baby,
our needs need to be met and you need to
(07:03):
be heard and you need to be listened to and
you need to be respected. So when you're made to
feel like your needs don't matter, like what do you
need that for, it's like, come on, because I do.
You don't need to know why I need this for
or why I don't need this. It's something I need.
I'm telling you I need this, So help me out,
make me feel good, make me feel seen. That's a really,
really really big one. And also like if somebody doesn't
(07:23):
accept lame, it's kind of going back to the not
ever saying sorry, not ever owning their shit. Like that's
also a problem. That's narcissism. One oh one. So there
are very real, world, real things that I want you
to look out for and pay attention to when it
comes to your relationships, because it's not fair to you
(07:44):
and life is way too short to be involved with
people like that. It's draining, It completes your battery. As
I like to say, it sucks your soul out of
your body. And I spent many years with somebody who
exhibited a lot of these characteristics and it's not worth it.
It's like for what, for what? And then you beat
yourself up, like, oh man, why did I waste so
(08:05):
much time in my life doing that? But I do
believe everything teaches you a reason, and you wouldn't be
able to be where you are today if you don't
go through that stuff. And I so appreciate my friends
and my marriage more than ever because I know what
I've dealt with in the past. So I think it
does teach you something. So don't beat yourself up if
you have gone through that or you are going through that,
(08:26):
but just know like you don't deserve to deal with
that on a regular basis. And it's something that I
truly believe is it's hard to spot when you're in
the moment because if you're anything like me, you want
to see the good in everybody and you want to
believe the good in everybody. But there comes a certain
point where you got to say, oh, hell no, I
(08:49):
see what's going on here. I'm not okay with it.
This isn't gonna fly. This is my life and we're
not gonna work with whatever. This is so peace out
like out. It's exhausting to be around those types of people.
And the good news is it's never too late. It's
never too late to identify those people, to read and
(09:12):
see the warning signs and realize I'm possibly friends with
or dating a narcissistic person, and it's okay to get
out of it. And I'm very passionate you guys about
this because I am so gung ho on this idea
that we have one life to live and I've made
mistakes in my past, and that's why I talk about
(09:33):
this stuff quite a lot. On my Tommy talks things
that can possibly help you and you know, maybe make
you make less of a mistake than I've made, or
make you get through something a little quicker than I
got through something. Because things have taken time for me
in my life longer than I have wanted them to
last for and when I look back at it, and
I just want everybody to have the life that they deserve,
(09:56):
being surrounded by people that they deserve, to be surrounded
by fear, feel like they are the king and queen
of their own life. And no one is trying to
knock that crown off your head because you don't deserve that.
So I want you to hold that crown up high.
You shine the hell out of that crown, and don't
let anyone try to dull it. Okay, the point of
this talk is to let you know to not let
(10:17):
anyone try to dull it. So I hope this helps
you today. Keep shining that crown, baby, And here's to
having people in our lives that truly, truly make us
feel good. I've Never Said This Before is hosted by
Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced by Andrew
(10:38):
Piglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with editing by
Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part of
the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
like
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. Today's topic is a
it's a it's a spicy one, and that topic is
are you friends with or are you dating a narcissist? Hm? Wow, Okay,
we hear this word being thrown around like crazy now right.
I feel like narcissism and narcissist is a word that
(00:25):
has kind of surfaced over the last few years, where
you know, self help and more of these gurus out
there have come to the forefront to talk about what
this means. So it's interesting because it really does get
tossed around a lot, but I feel like it gets
tossed around in a very flippant kind of way, and
people are kind of like, well, what really, at the
(00:47):
core does that mean? And what really are the things
I should be looking for, Like somebody being mean or
having an off day, or saying a rude or mark
that's out of character. That's not necessarily a narcissist, that's
just someone being a day. But the narcissist is somebody
at the core who really makes you feel a certain way.
(01:07):
And there are like a lot of warning signs that
you should look for when it comes to narcissism, And
I talk a lot about friendships and relationships on this
podcast because they're so important. They're so important in our lives,
and as we continue to go through life, and as
we continue to get older, we see things that unfortunately
can be very disappointing. We also see things that can
(01:30):
be so incredibly heartwarming and positive and amazing, and I'm
here for all of that. But those things are easier
to spot and easier to find, whereas sometimes the more difficult,
you know, negativity in our lives can be disguised or
a masked as somebody that's positive and wonderful, but in
(01:50):
reality they're not. So I'm trying to make your lives
a little easier through things I've gone through, to spot
a narcissist in your relationship or in your friendship, and
like the real death nission of one, not a word
that's thrown around on social media or Instagram or in
a song. Like, it's a very real thing. You deserve
friendships and relationships when you feel seen and you feel heard,
(02:14):
and you feel validated and you feel worthy and you
feel wrapped up in love. And if you're not getting that,
then we need to figure it out. I am like
your little friendship relationship warrior, I am here to smack
somebody in line that is not making you feel like
a million dollars, because if they're not making you feel
like a million dollars, thank you. Next, I'm not here
(02:37):
to play because you need to feel like a million
dollars on a regular basis. So there are warning signs
that you should definitely look out for when it comes
to your relationships and friendships to make sure you are
not getting involved in a narcissist because at the bottom,
the bottom line here is that doesn't make you feel
great and it actually can quite quite often put you
(02:59):
in a really really bad position where you're not able
to be your best version of yourself and succeed in
life and sore in life. So number one, who the
number one thing to look out for is you feel
like you're constantly walking on eggshells. If you have that
feeling in your friendship or your relationship, that's a red flag.
(03:21):
That is a red flag. And let me tell you
I was in a relationship in my twenties where I
described it quite often as I felt like I was
walking on eggshells because the littlest thing would set this
person off I'll never forget one time I was in
the kitchen and I dropped a pepper grinder and like
the you know pepper grinds, I guess you called them,
flew all over the kitchen floor. Not a big deal.
(03:43):
Had a little dustbuster that I could zip it all
up in. But it was literally a three day fight
because I dropped a pepper grinder and I made the
home dirty, and I was not paying attention and I
was sloppy and I was fast and I was quick,
and it's like, dude, chill out. It's not that deep, right,
Like walking on eggshells is the worst feeling in the
(04:06):
world because you feel like you can't be your true self.
You feel like at any moment you're gonna jump out
of your skin because you're on such edge. So you
want to make sure that if you feel that way
in your friendships or relationships, you get take a note
because that's not normal. That is not a normal way
to live. It's also a very unhealthy way to live,
so you don't want to be doing that. I think
that for narcissists there's also zero accountability ever for anything
(04:29):
that maybe they do wrong, and that's where that phrase
gas lighting comes in, which is also a very overuse phrase,
which is unfortunate because I feel like it's lost it's
appeal and it's a lowre because it's actually a great word.
But when somebody can't own their mistakes, that's a problem.
And then even worse, it can make you feel like
you're the one that messed up when you didn't. So
you need somebody who's able to just, you know, take
(04:53):
that accountability for any problems that come up. Problems are
gonna come up, You're gonna mess up, I'm gonna mess up.
It's all good, but you gotta own it. Can that
makes someone feel like they're always the problem when they're not,
that's narcissism, So take note of that in your relationships
as well. I think that kind of piggybacking off of that,
if your mates to feel guilty for something you didn't do,
(05:15):
that's another example. It's like, why are you making me
feel bad for literally something I had nothing to do with.
It's again somebody not being able to have that accountability,
and it's not a good feeling. You shouldn't have to
deal with that ever in your relationships. I think that
there's also a control aspect with narcissism, When someone's trying
to control you, it can quite often be masked in
(05:36):
a different emotion like oh, no, I'm doing this to
help you or you know, heal you, or be your
cheerleader or you're champion. But it's not always the case.
It's like a level of control that some people want.
And when you're being told how to act, what to say,
what not to say, what to eat, what not to eat,
(05:57):
what to wear, what not to wear, what jobs you
should do, what jobs you shouldn't do, who you should
hang out with, you shouldn't hang out with. It's not good.
Someone shouldn't be trying to ice out your friends, your family,
people like that. You know, the same person I referred
to earlier would quite often make awful remarks about friends
in my life and I'm like, bro, like this is
(06:19):
like my sister like why are you talking about them
like that? And meanwhile their friends were no walks in
a park. Like I was like, oh my god, it's
torture hanging out with your friends. But like I never
made a thing about it. I wasn't like, you can't
talk to this person. So when you're when someone's trying
to do that to you for no apparent reason. That's
a problem. That's a problem. So I really hope that
(06:42):
you take note of that too, because I hate when
people put wedges between people that you love. It's not cool.
And friends, we'll try to do that too. Friends will
get jealous of other friends and try to have you
turn your back on a friend, and that's not cool either.
So it's not just relationships. Another thing is when your
needs don't matter, because we all have needs, and baby,
our needs need to be met and you need to
(07:03):
be heard and you need to be listened to and
you need to be respected. So when you're made to
feel like your needs don't matter, like what do you
need that for, it's like, come on, because I do.
You don't need to know why I need this for
or why I don't need this. It's something I need.
I'm telling you I need this, So help me out,
make me feel good, make me feel seen. That's a really,
really really big one. And also like if somebody doesn't
(07:23):
accept lame, it's kind of going back to the not
ever saying sorry, not ever owning their shit. Like that's
also a problem. That's narcissism. One oh one. So there
are very real, world, real things that I want you
to look out for and pay attention to when it
comes to your relationships, because it's not fair to you
(07:44):
and life is way too short to be involved with
people like that. It's draining, It completes your battery. As
I like to say, it sucks your soul out of
your body. And I spent many years with somebody who
exhibited a lot of these characteristics and it's not worth it.
It's like for what, for what? And then you beat
yourself up, like, oh man, why did I waste so
(08:05):
much time in my life doing that? But I do
believe everything teaches you a reason, and you wouldn't be
able to be where you are today if you don't
go through that stuff. And I so appreciate my friends
and my marriage more than ever because I know what
I've dealt with in the past. So I think it
does teach you something. So don't beat yourself up if
you have gone through that or you are going through that,
(08:26):
but just know like you don't deserve to deal with
that on a regular basis. And it's something that I
truly believe is it's hard to spot when you're in
the moment because if you're anything like me, you want
to see the good in everybody and you want to
believe the good in everybody. But there comes a certain
point where you got to say, oh, hell no, I
(08:49):
see what's going on here. I'm not okay with it.
This isn't gonna fly. This is my life and we're
not gonna work with whatever. This is so peace out
like out. It's exhausting to be around those types of people.
And the good news is it's never too late. It's
never too late to identify those people, to read and
(09:12):
see the warning signs and realize I'm possibly friends with
or dating a narcissistic person, and it's okay to get
out of it. And I'm very passionate you guys about
this because I am so gung ho on this idea
that we have one life to live and I've made
mistakes in my past, and that's why I talk about
(09:33):
this stuff quite a lot. On my Tommy talks things
that can possibly help you and you know, maybe make
you make less of a mistake than I've made, or
make you get through something a little quicker than I
got through something. Because things have taken time for me
in my life longer than I have wanted them to
last for and when I look back at it, and
I just want everybody to have the life that they deserve,
(09:56):
being surrounded by people that they deserve, to be surrounded
by fear, feel like they are the king and queen
of their own life. And no one is trying to
knock that crown off your head because you don't deserve that.
So I want you to hold that crown up high.
You shine the hell out of that crown, and don't
let anyone try to dull it. Okay, the point of
this talk is to let you know to not let
(10:17):
anyone try to dull it. So I hope this helps
you today. Keep shining that crown, baby, And here's to
having people in our lives that truly, truly make us
feel good. I've Never Said This Before is hosted by
Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced by Andrew
(10:38):
Piglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with editing by
Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part of
the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
like
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