November 15, 2024 • 7 mins
THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE STRESSFUL And I've got a guest on today that has a strategy to help you manage that stress. Dr. Helen McKibben's book Drop: Making Great Decisions is full of strategies based in neuroscience to help you get through the holidays without being buried by the stress of it all. Find the book and more about her by clicking here.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't need to tell you guys this, but I
think it's like forty one days till Christmas or forty
days until Christmas, and we all know that it goes
like this Labor Day happens, and then all of a
sudden it's New Year's and we're.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Like, what happened for the last six months.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Joining me now is a clinical psychologist, doctor Helen McKinnon,
to talk about how to get through the holidays without
losing your mind from the stress of it all. She
has a book out called Drop Making Great Decisions.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Doctor McKinnon, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So let's talk.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
About just overall, how the holidays get so overwhelming. I
mean it just for kids, it's great, but for adults
maybe not so much.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
How does that stress all start?
Speaker 4 (00:44):
That stress starts because whenever we're anticipating a holiday or
buying a gift or travel or expenses for the holidays,
what the brain does is it triggers memories of every
time we've been through that before, what worked for us,
what did.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Not work for us, what the finances were.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
And if your listeners don't take the time to notice
their stress, and that means they light up and sit
back with themselves long enough to use those prior memories
to decide what to say.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Or do differently.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Then the stress just builds and overwhelms us, and you
make reactive decisions and are miserable during the holidays. But if,
for example, your puge, you're triggered and you pause with
yourself and say, well, next time, I'm not going to
say or do this with Uncle Harry, or next time
(01:44):
I'm not going to go over my budget, and then
be there and worry about money the entire holiday season,
using prior memory and experience to read decide what to
say or do differently.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And why is that so important, Mandy?
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Because if you make a decision about something you're worrying
about about the holiday's relative money finances, if you make
a decision of what you'll say or do differently, or
say or do in general, it resolves that worry for
the brain, and the brain stops bringing up the memories
that triggered you in the first place.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So are you talking about being sort of using preventive
decision making, for lack of a better way to put it, Like,
you know that you're going to see a relative that
drinks too much or says the wrong thing, or you've
already so you have to like sort of catch yourself
before you even go to this event and say how
(02:43):
am I going to respond differently?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
And the brain is designed to catch it for us
by every time we're triggered thinking about a person or
a situation, every time we felt that way before, naturally
jumps on board. If you miss the queue by lighting
up that those memories are.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
There from the previous.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
People who don't pause with themselves and listen to those
prior memories keep doing the same thing over and over again,
and they feel miserable. If you catch yourself when you're
having a memory and sit back with yourself long enough
to get that memory and decide what you'll say or
do differently, it resolves the stressor and you don't keep
(03:25):
stressing yourself out physically or emotionally, and you make good decisions.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
What about people who are naturally hot reactors, you know,
and they have a difficult time catching themselves Because for me,
I've been in situations where I am able to manage
my own emotional and I can regulate my emotions, But
then there's other people that I'm around on occasion that
it's more challenging because they know exactly the right buttons
(03:50):
to push. They know exactly how to be the most
irritating person on the planet. So how do you make
sure that even in those situations where it's definitely a
more a tense situation to begin with, how do you
catch yourself and not be a hot reactor.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
It's a wonderful question. You're going to be surprised at
what I say.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
We have no control over other people, but we can
have memory recall about what it felt like before interacting
with them, and be sure that we predecide what we're
going to say or do or not say or do
again with them. And there's one more variable with people
who overreact. They are trying to control us because they're
(04:33):
running from their out of control feelings or memories of
the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
They're not attending to themselves.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
So if you take your time and pause before you
respond to them or initiate that idea that you made,
you know, three months ago, and it comes up and
you said, oh, that's right, I'm going to do this.
If you say or do it, they see that they
can't push your button and knock you out balance, because
(05:02):
if you light up physically and you drop till you're
a neutral and.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Then make a decision. They don't see the cues that
they're used to. They know who they can disrupt and
who they can't. And that's even people we love relatives.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Situation, someone who's drinking too much, and we make decisions
based on what we've been through before with family dynamics
to maybe leave the room if someone's drinking too much,
or you know, go ahead and take a walk. But
you make decisions prior and then you don't worry about
it and stress about it and have that build up.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I think that this is a great strategy for people
who are going into a politically divided home, especially for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I think it would.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think it would probably be a good idea. I'm
just going to give people my little dime store analysis here.
I think that if you're going into a politically divided house,
you should make the choice to be the person who
doesn't bring up politics, and when someone does bring up politics,
have an answer that is non political, to say, this
is not why we're here, but go ahead and work
(06:06):
through that with exactly what doctor mckimnon is saying. Because
I think that's going to be the biggest problem at
this Thanksgiving is you're going to have tables that are
going to have people that are unhappy versus people who
are very happy.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I mean, is am I on the right track here?
Speaker 3 (06:22):
You are absolutely on their right track.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
And for your listeners, I'm going to give you one
more clue that will be really helpful. If someone's triggering
you and they start talking about politics, you may have
previously decided what to say or not say, but be
sure that when you speak with them that you sit
back with yourself. And when you respond, if you sit
back with yourself through the stress, your voice is very strong.
(06:46):
And be sure that you use the words you hear
in yourself, not react to anything.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
They're saying right right, then they know that you are
in control.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
They aren't.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Doctor Helen McKinnon is my guest.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
She's got a new book called Drop Making Great Decisions.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
You can find it online.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I linked to her website as well, so if you
want more information or you'd like to try some of
this stuff in your life, you can find it there.
Doctor mcammon, thank you so much for your time today.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Mandy, all right, thank you
I don't need to tell you guys this, but I
think it's like forty one days till Christmas or forty
days until Christmas, and we all know that it goes
like this Labor Day happens, and then all of a
sudden it's New Year's and we're.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Like, what happened for the last six months.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Joining me now is a clinical psychologist, doctor Helen McKinnon,
to talk about how to get through the holidays without
losing your mind from the stress of it all. She
has a book out called Drop Making Great Decisions.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Doctor McKinnon, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So let's talk.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
About just overall, how the holidays get so overwhelming. I
mean it just for kids, it's great, but for adults
maybe not so much.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
How does that stress all start?
Speaker 4 (00:44):
That stress starts because whenever we're anticipating a holiday or
buying a gift or travel or expenses for the holidays,
what the brain does is it triggers memories of every
time we've been through that before, what worked for us,
what did.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Not work for us, what the finances were.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
And if your listeners don't take the time to notice
their stress, and that means they light up and sit
back with themselves long enough to use those prior memories
to decide what to say.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Or do differently.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Then the stress just builds and overwhelms us, and you
make reactive decisions and are miserable during the holidays. But if,
for example, your puge, you're triggered and you pause with
yourself and say, well, next time, I'm not going to
say or do this with Uncle Harry, or next time
(01:44):
I'm not going to go over my budget, and then
be there and worry about money the entire holiday season,
using prior memory and experience to read decide what to
say or do differently.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And why is that so important, Mandy?
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Because if you make a decision about something you're worrying
about about the holiday's relative money finances, if you make
a decision of what you'll say or do differently, or
say or do in general, it resolves that worry for
the brain, and the brain stops bringing up the memories
that triggered you in the first place.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So are you talking about being sort of using preventive
decision making, for lack of a better way to put it, Like,
you know that you're going to see a relative that
drinks too much or says the wrong thing, or you've
already so you have to like sort of catch yourself
before you even go to this event and say how
(02:43):
am I going to respond differently?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
And the brain is designed to catch it for us
by every time we're triggered thinking about a person or
a situation, every time we felt that way before, naturally
jumps on board. If you miss the queue by lighting
up that those memories are.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
There from the previous.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
People who don't pause with themselves and listen to those
prior memories keep doing the same thing over and over again,
and they feel miserable. If you catch yourself when you're
having a memory and sit back with yourself long enough
to get that memory and decide what you'll say or
do differently, it resolves the stressor and you don't keep
(03:25):
stressing yourself out physically or emotionally, and you make good decisions.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
What about people who are naturally hot reactors, you know,
and they have a difficult time catching themselves Because for me,
I've been in situations where I am able to manage
my own emotional and I can regulate my emotions, But
then there's other people that I'm around on occasion that
it's more challenging because they know exactly the right buttons
(03:50):
to push. They know exactly how to be the most
irritating person on the planet. So how do you make
sure that even in those situations where it's definitely a
more a tense situation to begin with, how do you
catch yourself and not be a hot reactor.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
It's a wonderful question. You're going to be surprised at
what I say.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
We have no control over other people, but we can
have memory recall about what it felt like before interacting
with them, and be sure that we predecide what we're
going to say or do or not say or do
again with them. And there's one more variable with people
who overreact. They are trying to control us because they're
(04:33):
running from their out of control feelings or memories of
the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
They're not attending to themselves.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
So if you take your time and pause before you
respond to them or initiate that idea that you made,
you know, three months ago, and it comes up and
you said, oh, that's right, I'm going to do this.
If you say or do it, they see that they
can't push your button and knock you out balance, because
(05:02):
if you light up physically and you drop till you're
a neutral and.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Then make a decision. They don't see the cues that
they're used to. They know who they can disrupt and
who they can't. And that's even people we love relatives.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Situation, someone who's drinking too much, and we make decisions
based on what we've been through before with family dynamics
to maybe leave the room if someone's drinking too much,
or you know, go ahead and take a walk. But
you make decisions prior and then you don't worry about
it and stress about it and have that build up.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I think that this is a great strategy for people
who are going into a politically divided home, especially for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I think it would.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think it would probably be a good idea. I'm
just going to give people my little dime store analysis here.
I think that if you're going into a politically divided house,
you should make the choice to be the person who
doesn't bring up politics, and when someone does bring up politics,
have an answer that is non political, to say, this
is not why we're here, but go ahead and work
(06:06):
through that with exactly what doctor mckimnon is saying. Because
I think that's going to be the biggest problem at
this Thanksgiving is you're going to have tables that are
going to have people that are unhappy versus people who
are very happy.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I mean, is am I on the right track here?
Speaker 3 (06:22):
You are absolutely on their right track.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
And for your listeners, I'm going to give you one
more clue that will be really helpful. If someone's triggering
you and they start talking about politics, you may have
previously decided what to say or not say, but be
sure that when you speak with them that you sit
back with yourself. And when you respond, if you sit
back with yourself through the stress, your voice is very strong.
(06:46):
And be sure that you use the words you hear
in yourself, not react to anything.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
They're saying right right, then they know that you are
in control.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
They aren't.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Doctor Helen McKinnon is my guest.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
She's got a new book called Drop Making Great Decisions.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
You can find it online.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I linked to her website as well, so if you
want more information or you'd like to try some of
this stuff in your life, you can find it there.
Doctor mcammon, thank you so much for your time today.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Mandy, all right, thank you
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