1: THE PILOT - Can we turn Fesshole into a podcast?

Turning the Fesshole Twitter account into other things is apparently what I do now. So far there's been two books and several live shows - so why not a podcast? The Fesshole novelty keyring is coming soon.

At the simplest level, let's just pick some funny confessions and read them out and react to them. So that's what we've done here, a top ten in reverse order:

10. "My wife is a police officer. Her name is Nina. She can never find out how obviously hilarious I find this."

9. "After my husband cheated and left me his emails still popped up on my laptop. One day up popped a holiday he'd booked for him and her. I clicked on the link and it took me straight to the booking, whereupon I canceled the trip. He would have had no idea it was me."

8. "Once I took a shower at a friend's house hoping his hot mum would walk in on me. Instead his dad did and not only did he not know I was in the shower but took a shit, stunk the bathroom out and then his hot mum found me walking out of the stinking bathroom."

7. "I bought my house from a musician. Last Xmas, a package arrived for him. I don't have his contact info, so I sent him a Facebook message. Nada. I finally opened it & found a box of chocolates from Ringo Starr. They were exquisite, so this year, I didn't hesitate. Thanks, Ringo."

6. "My husband's best friend is female. If we're having a fight, he tries to get her to back him but she always takes my side. I really like her."

5. "Been running at the gym to lose weight. Last week, an athletic young woman was running next to me, 2 mph faster. Stupidly, I upped mine to 2 mph more than her thinking in my chimp brain it might have impressed her. It didn't. My Airpod fell out, and I tripped and broke my wrist."

4. "This term, i've told my 5 yr old boy a joke to tell his friends at school every morning. It's become a big deal, with kids crowding around hear it. Realised after drop off today I'm craving the validation of 5 yr olds, and now I need to keep finding jokes for him to tell."

3. "I manage a bar & I had enough of customers being rude while waiting for drinks.  So I decided to create a 'cunt' button on the till where it adds £2.50 to their bill. Proceeds made from that button went to our Xmas do. Last year's button got us £12k."

2. "Smoking is a dirty, disgusting, and expensive habit. I "helped" my girlfriend to quit smoking a few years ago by training her parrot to say "phewee! Smells like cancer," followed by a fake cough, every time she lit up a cancer stick. Thank you Jellybean the parrot, you legend."

1. "Got invited to lunch with the "big boss" last year. I told him how 80% of the work was done by 20% of the people and we'd be better off without most of the team. He agreed, and 6 months later I was one of the many, many layoffs as part of an efficiency drive. Fair play."

Having recorded this, my gut feeling is a top ten isn't the way to do it, but the chat was enjoyable, so tune in next time to see what we've come up with - we're on a journey to nail this format, and you're all invited. 

Producer: Will Fitzpatrick
tempotalker.com