Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. “Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”

Episodes

299: You're No Good

April 30, 2025 • 101 mins
Pat had another dream about Crystal, shopping with Carolyn is always fun, the impending doom of having something to do and sometimes our bodies are against us. Do you believe in reincarnation? The only cool thing about a Tesla, no white shoes and an update on piss over ice. 

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298: Wiener Reset

April 23, 2025 • 103 mins
Pat’s had a hard week, Mark is keeping secrets, doctors don’t know everything and we curl our twos. Elvis was carrying a child, chew your coconut oil, interesting medical devices and only fake moan for people you love. 

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297: I Know Better Than You

April 16, 2025 • 111 mins
Crystal has lips, Pata Fria had a lonely weekend, Tahoe was turnt and merch is on the way. Surgery is coming up, Pata Fria wants an old school, catch our live streams on Patreon and Elephants are really amazing.

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296: Use It Or Lose It

April 9, 2025 • 137 mins
The cats are in big trouble, Pata Fria is being humbled, Crystal made a medical device and all our kids are unique. Ghosts are acting up, our government is starting a lot of problems, men shouldn’t be gynecologists and don’t date violent people.

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295: Never Knew A F*ck

April 3, 2025 • 131 mins
We’re redecorating the set, Crystal finally dissolved her lips, medication adjustments are still happening and influenza is around again. Crystal had a kind exchange, Pata Fria is planning a vacation, the raccoons are getting too comfortable and Jimbo will always do the most. 

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294: Vaginal Water Gun

March 26, 2025 • 104 mins
Abrupt weather changes are frustrating, Target is feeling the boycott, Aunt Flo is mean and we want Crystal back to herself. Sweet Potatoes are helping, new merch is available, some people can shoot water and don’t leave subs unattended!!

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293: Where's My Provider Lesbian?

March 19, 2025 • 94 mins
Itsnotreal is a terrorist state, Home Depot was not welcoming to Pat, don’t trust raggedy dentist offices and Crystal had a really close call. Going to sleep is embarrassing, sometimes you have to parent the parents, Crystal is in the Mandela effect and do not play about your credit. 

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292: Agent of Chaos

March 14, 2025 • 84 mins
Crystal is sick, it’s raining again, make sure you subscribe on your web browser and Pat embarrassed herself once again. Don’t sniff salts, we love green flags, daylight savings is causing harm and don’t snitch on your co-workers.

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291: Shut Up & Square Dance

February 26, 2025 • 80 mins
We were rollie pollies, everyone should have exotic animals at work, Pat is a pool shark and may have got dosed. It’s time to find Uncle Crissss, women gotta do better, square dancing has an ugly history and Luigi might be coming home.

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290: I Have To Use My Mouth

February 20, 2025 • 96 mins
Don’t drink a whole pot of coffee, Pat needs her glasses, all-star is finally over and watch out for red flags. Crystal was back at the hospital, tv used to be brutal, sometimes karma is on time and onions are good suckers.

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289: Ladies of the Night

February 12, 2025 • 97 mins
Crystal is adjusting to a new medication, be your own valentine, Pat is working toward her independent goals and Stevi had a hospital visit. Trump is so petty, Kendrick did a great job, hoes get your heels ready and emergency responders are hot.

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288: Amen To Jesus

February 5, 2025 • 92 mins
It’s been storming out, Mondays are for doctors appts, Pat is starting new meds and we learned a gross fact about our eyes. It’s Black History Month, practice good waxing etiquette, Peez is a supermodel and we’re just not very lady-like. 

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287: Indian Sex Chat

January 29, 2025 • 86 mins
It’s Groundhog Day, dementia is not for the weak, Peez is punching people and Bunny went on a date. Mark needs to grow his hair out, jail dating can be lucrative, cure for hot flashes and Pat does not offer massage.

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286: Rest In Piss

January 22, 2025 • 117 mins
We’re back!
Happy Birthday Stinkers, Peez loves Sugawolf, Nyah finally got a good doctor and you might still be carrying your baby daddy’s DNA. We live in North Korea, Pat helps a neighbor sneak out, classical is medicine and don’t steal from dead people.

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285: Do You Have Lover?

January 5, 2025 • 114 mins
Crystal had some major dental work, RIP Cat Woman, we need a shed and car stuff can be overwhelming. Carolyn won’t listen and Jimbo might be her roommate, Pat’s phone is full of mysteries, Crystal discovered a disgusting way to get high and we love a thrifting score.

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284: Is He A Capricorn?

December 27, 2024 • 93 mins
Co-sleeping is amazing, a few cigs are good as a treat, the 90s had the best shoes and stockings are Crystal’s jam. Peez loves Jesus, women are magic, don’t be a mood killer and corporations are GREEDY.

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283: Disgusting Gender

December 22, 2024 • 91 mins
Cults are fascinating, Carolyn’s chemical warfare, billionaires are scum and we’ve made some mistakes. Older kids are a different kind of stress, sometimes you just gotta explode, pigs contain human and nature provides everything we need. 

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282: Mark's Favorite Episode

December 14, 2024 • 91 mins
Crystal had food poisoning and deleted our texts, Pat loves Home Depot and has been locked in with the DIYs. Playing 432hz at night might relax you OR terrorize your dreams, having kids later in life comes with a price. 

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281: Poor People Ornaments

December 6, 2024 • 114 mins
1970 was 30yrs ago, Pat started a new tattoo, Crystal is researching classified CIA docs and CEOs should be worried. Humans aren’t meant to be this busy, we miss a well loved bear, inspect your butthole and old people do not want technology. 

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280: Sponge On a Stick

November 30, 2024 • 80 mins
It’s nice seeing family, salt might be causing migraines, Crystal was on a hunt for “Crisssssss” and we’re getting back in the gym. Experiences are better than toys for Xmas, Peez is thankful she’s beautiful, Grenandine is a lie and we want a rage room. 

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