August 7, 2025 • 67 mins
What do you do when the person who’s supposed to love you the most becomes your loudest bully?
In this episode, Ivette and I dive headfirst into the betrayal, the shame, and the silence that followed. We talk about what it means to grow up misunderstood, to be mocked for your mental health, and to finally say, “I’m done.”
If you’ve ever had to protect your peace at the cost of a relationship or felt that sick gut-drop when someone weaponizes your vulnerability this one’s for you. It’s raw. It’s painful. And it might be the most honest we’ve ever gotten.
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Get the book!
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
In this episode, Ivette and I dive headfirst into the betrayal, the shame, and the silence that followed. We talk about what it means to grow up misunderstood, to be mocked for your mental health, and to finally say, “I’m done.”
If you’ve ever had to protect your peace at the cost of a relationship or felt that sick gut-drop when someone weaponizes your vulnerability this one’s for you. It’s raw. It’s painful. And it might be the most honest we’ve ever gotten.
My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Get the book!
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
-
Blood on the Wedding Dress
Christa shares a surreal moment at her dress fitting involving actual blood and the wild way it was handled. -
Private Tears vs. Public Panic
Ivette chooses where she'd rather break down on wedding day, sparking a convo about emotional safety and stage fright. -
Therapy or Voice Notes?
A lighthearted but revealing take on whether pre-wedding therapy trumps endless best friend venting. -
The Dress Fitting Breakdown
Christa unexpectedly spirals while recalling her fitting fiasco and finally tells the story in full. -
Boundaries, Brides, and Breakdown Moments
The duo unpacks what it really takes to stay sane and self-respecting in the pressure cooker of wedding culture. -
The Speech That Cut Deep
At the rehearsal dinner, her sister mocked her mental health journey in front of everyone—with a cruel “joke” about her depression that left the room stunned. -
Golden Child Gone Rogue
The submitter opens up about growing up in her sister’s shadow—the loud, confident sibling who never took her mental health seriously and finally crossed the line. -
Depression Isn't a Punchline
Christa and Ivette get real about how damaging it is when mental illness becomes a family joke—and why staying silent is no longer an option.
About Ivette:
Ivette is a mommy, a wife, and a psychotherapist in training. She loves girl talk and giving unsolicited advice. She's all about conversations that matter because she believes people matter. She was also Christa’s Maid of Honor in her wedding.
*This conversation is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Please seek a licensed professional for your specific situation.
Join the Drama with Christa Innis:
- Website
- Tiktok
- YouTube
- Get ‘Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris & Sloan Story’ on Amazon
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Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Your stories make Here Comes the Drama what it is! Share your unforgettable wedding tales, hilarious mishaps, or unbelievable moments with us. Whether it’s a wild confession or a story worth a skit, we can’t wait to hear it.
Submit your story today: Story Submission Form
Follow us on social media for updates and sneak peeks at upcoming episodes. Your stories inspire the drama, the laughs, and the lessons we love to share!
A Team Dklutr Production
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I just feel like we need to just start
talking because I would feel like we don't
really need to introduce it because I feel
like that's so informal for us, for me
to be like, Hey, y welcome to the class.
Tell everyone about yourself.
Yeah.
It does feel weird for me to be like,
Hey, I'm so and so, 'cause I'm, Yvette.
And that's more than enough.
Like we're not gonna introduce
(00:20):
ourselves and then we're just doing it.
I just wanna be more
casual on these podcasts.
I feel like because of where I came
from with doing like, the podcast
before, I don't know if people listening
know, like, I used to work for like a
mommy brand and so I did a podcast and
so it was very formal 'cause it was
for like a brand that I worked for.
And so I'm so used to like doing that
now and I'm like, I just wanna hang out
with people when they come on, you know?
(00:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Could have been recording
the whole time.
I know we talked about so many things.
We'll see if they come up again.
I'm sure they will, but I was just like,
oh, it's getting late and we're chatting.
We should probably just start.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming back on.
Thanks for having me again.
I'm excited.
that was on, I don't even know.
What month are we?
It's July now.
Yeah.
This doesn't come out until
(01:00):
August or September, but,
yeah, it was last fall I think.
Definitely.
Right.
Last fall.
No, this is Jan.
Nevermind.
This has only been a year in the
making.
Not even.
yeah, I think I started
this podcast in January.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You got me so confused.
My, it's my brain.
I know my husband and I always say my
(01:22):
husband, don't even talk to you like that.
My husband Zach and I, I
don't know who that is.
I know you're like, no idea what that is.
Zach and I are always
like, time is so weird.
'cause like, we'll look at
pictures of my daughter.
I just, her privacy stuff.
and she was a full on baby last year.
Like now she's like a kid.
Mm-hmm.
I know you sent Well Matt, my husband sent
(01:44):
the picture of her and I was like, what?
Who is that?
She's
like a kid.
She's a kid.
I know.
She's like full on thoughts and stuff.
It's so weird how they
just grow up so fast.
I love that she's into Spider-Man though.
'cause definitely went through her
Spider-Man phase and they were so excited
when we went to go see the exhibit.
Yeah.
So they loved it.
(02:05):
Good stuff.
I love that.
It feels like just yesterday you were
pregnant at my wedding with Bria.
Yeah.
It was cute.
We were at the exhibit and she's
like, mom, I was taking a picture.
She's like, mom, I, can't do it.
And she's like, trying to figure it out.
She's like, holier
with those fingers.
Yeah, with her other
hand.
It's like, whew.
Like, you got it girl.
You got it.
We'll have to teach the baby.
(02:28):
Yeah.
I'm like weird.
Like, it doesn't even like
matter if people know her name.
I'm just like, I think what I'm afraid
of, and this is me being vulnerable,
I never want people to say negative
comment about her in any way.
You know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm.
I don't know, I just feel very
like, protective about it.
'cause I've seen people like post about
like, oh, these are my kids or something.
And someone will be like,
that's a weird name.
(02:48):
Or that's, oh, why would you let
your kid wear that or do that?
And I'm like.
I know I'm sensitive and if
anyone had say anything about
my child, they'd be like, wow.
Like, mm-hmm.
So props to like all the
moms out there that just
I remember like, when Paris Hilton had her
baby and people were being so mean about
her son, and I was like, that is awful.
Mm-hmm.
(03:08):
And I feel like it happens all the time.
Yeah.
Oh, I think it's terrible.
Yeah.
And I think one of the things too that you
keep seeing is now with like, I wonder if
in your profession too, it's like, because
there's so much more awareness of like.
special needs or autism
or, you different things.
I feel like people are so quick
to like diagnose other people.
I've seen it online.
someone will post their child and
(03:29):
they're like, oh, have you got them
checked for this, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like, don't say that
out someone else's child.
Like, don't label 'em.
Yeah, don't label.
Like obviously if you see like
a spot on their back and you're
like, that might be melanoma.
Yeah.
Let's like, maybe have them look in.
I've heard of that happening
where people get checked then.
I don't know.
I guess that's why I'm
the way I am about stuff.
I don't even know what
(03:49):
we're talking about.
we're just talking to just start talking.
I was telling Yvette before we started
that I was recording with, this girl
Katie, that was on my podcast and we were
talking, she's like, just start recording.
Mm-hmm.
And I still felt so weird doing
it 'cause I was like, I felt like
I still need to introduce her.
And she's like, let's
just see what happens.
And I was like.
Yeah, so we were talking about this
(04:10):
and like, I feel like outta sorts,
like the planner in me is like,
oh my gosh,
but
do I have to do this?
I have to do that.
Where do we go next?
Yeah.
It's so weird.
I don't know,
it's good to be like authentic
in it and just go for it.
Yeah.
That's true.
Mm-hmm.
Which I could just like turn
off the part of my brain
that's like, it doesn't matter.
Just be you girl.
I dunno.
Okay, last time you were here,
(04:31):
we did something similar.
We were kind of doing like crazy stories.
Mm-hmm.
And we're gonna react to one
of course, like we always do.
But I was thinking too, I'm like, I
feel like we could tell so much more.
I don't even know what
I'm saying right now.
Did you plan for this?
No, I have my talking
points and that's it.
Okay.
I just went on a walk and so I
(04:52):
feel like my allergies are so bad.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't have that problem.
I'm sorry.
I can't relate, but my husband
has that problem and he's,
I'm always like, are you okay?
He's like, oh, my allergies are so bad.
I'm like, I don't, get it.
I'm fine.
I know.
I usually don't have 'em.
This is the first year.
Oh,
really?
Yeah.
So they could still be coming.
You're young.
Just wait.
(05:12):
I used to have 'em when I was
like in middle school for like
two years and then never again.
Really?
So fingers crossed it stays that way.
It'll stay that way.
You'll get lucky.
no, I know what I was gonna say, but I was
trying to like protect myself, you know?
That's when I was like, when you start
talking with someone, you're like,
okay, wait, should I say that or not?
Mm. With Zach.
He was on a Patreon episode and we
(05:34):
were talking about groomsmen stories.
Mm. after we like finished recording
recently, I was like, Zach, you
have crazy groomsmen stories,
that like you didn't talk about.
And then I was like, thinking
about when you were on, I'm
like, you are my maid of honor.
I was like, I wonder if you
have any like crazy stories or
about you?
(05:54):
No, I can just, Krista,
she comes off really sweet.
But she was the biggest bridezilla ever.
No, actually, literally
quite the opposite.
You were like, oh yeah, I don't care if
you wear white at my bachelorette party.
I'm like, what?
No, they cannot wear white.
Like, that's for you.
I feel like at that point I was
just like, everybody's here.
(06:15):
why does it matter what people wear?
Yeah.
Also it's so awkward, maybe this is me
too, but you like think of that moment
of like, oh, cool, it's my bachelorette.
It's like my party.
But then when you're the one in white
and everyone's wearing black, you're
like, for the attention please.
Like, yeah.
It's fun to kind of like
notice oh, you're the bride.
(06:35):
But then it's like, also
please look at my friends.
they're awesome.
Yeah.
For my bachelorette party, we went
to, a drag show they were calling me
out because I was a bride, but they
didn't quite know who was a bride
and they're all like, it's this one.
And I was wearing white and I was like,
okay, not your typical, full on, you know?
Yeah.
So fun.
(06:56):
Yeah.
Part of me wishes.
I think the second day of my
bachelorette, I was feeling really
tired I feel so old right now.
I don't know if I was hungover or
what, but I remember we were doing
the, like, the pedal bus oh yeah.
I was like, girl, wake up.
I didn't know that.
Gosh, I thought you were just like
(07:16):
having the
best time ever.
I was having the best time ever, it was
like one of those where I was like, I
feel like I'm in my thirties right now.
Yeah.
you said like if I had any crazy stories,
this is not like I just had a friend
over who I grew up with, but she's
currently living in Texas, so she stopped
by, the other day and she's planning,
(07:36):
so her sister's getting married she
was planning kind of like a surprise
bachelorette party kind of thing.
Well, part of it was all planned out.
It was just like her cousins and really
good friends and like the bridal party,
but they were at this beach and then all
of a sudden all of these women, so her
aunts, her mom, her grandma, they all
came in their original wedding dress,
(07:59):
their wedding dresses, with the big poofy
sleeves and everything and the veils.
And they all surprised her.
And then they went out to all these and
all the women were like in their wedding
gowns.
And I'm like, that is so funny.
I love that.
Did you see that trend a while back?
That was like, you go to Goodwill
and you buy like an old lady dress?
(08:19):
No, but I've always wanted to do
that.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Why didn't we do that for this podcast?
I don't
know.
We just like wearing
eighties wedding dresses.
Oh my gosh.
That would've been so funny.
It's funny you say that actually,
because right before I was getting
ready to come on, I was like, oh, we
should have done a theme and like.
Or something, but I was
like, you literally see like
(08:39):
this far up in my head, so
yeah.
That's so funny.
I know.
That would've been really funny if we
just like, we like didn't talk about it.
we just came out and
like acted like, yeah.
Like it was totally normal.
Next time I might need
some wine if we do that.
Speaking of, I don't think
I'm a wine person anymore.
I don't know.
I bought a bottle of wine.
(08:59):
Yeah.
and my husband Zach was somewhere last
night, he was at a friend's house and
I like poured a glass I texted him,
I was like, I'm pouring this out.
This is like this.
I just can't,
is it the sugar free
wine.
Oh, okay.
Is it because like, do
you drink other stuff or?
No,
I honestly couldn't tell you
the last time I had a drink.
Wow.
I am so.
(09:20):
I'm just proud of you guys
because Zach doesn't drink
and now you are not drinking.
And I'm,
it's not like that.
I'm not, like, if I was at a social
event, I would maybe have a drink.
I'm trying to think.
Have I been anywhere now?
I can't remember.
I feel like there was somewhere I
was at recently and I had a drink.
Anyways, we're getting off topic again.
I don't even know if there is a topic.
Okay.
(09:41):
I feel like I always think of crazy
stories that I wanna tell later.
So if as it comes up, it, maybe it'll,
We're gonna switch things up this
week and we are gonna do rapid fire.
Mm-hmm.
So this is gonna be a this or that.
So some wedding chaos addition.
So, just like for different,
like wedding things.
Okay.
Would you rather cry in the bridal
suite over a seating chart or cry on
(10:02):
the dance floor in front of everybody?
Cry in private.
Is it my wedding?
if it's my wedding, I can cry.
I don't care if it's not my wedding.
I'm not crying and making it about me.
This is about them.
Yeah.
I think these are for your wedding.
I don't know.
Hmm.
I
mean, whatever, whatever you're thinking.
Yeah.
would you rather have one therapy session
(10:22):
before your wedding planning starts?
Or unlimited venting voice
notes from your best friend?
I would see a therapy session
every week leading up to a
marriage, and then after, no,
yeah, I have to say therapy.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Would you rather have a mother-in-law
who overs, shares everything, or
(10:43):
one who silently judges everything.
Oh, overshare, please.
I wanna be comfortable.
And
you want someone that overs, shares
like my stuff?
Yeah.
Mm. I don't care.
I'm pretty vulnerable.
what would she share?
Like let's say If I was pregnant and she
was like telling people I'd be pissed.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
(11:04):
Oh yeah, no.
Or like maybe you've been having really
bad pain and you've been going to
see the doctor and she's like telling
everybody at church or something.
Oh, and what was my other option?
Or silently judges you.
I think everyone judges, right?
Yeah.
So
I'm sure everyone like
has, I guess that's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now that you say it that way, like
I'd rather her just be like, Ugh.
(11:24):
And she's not sharing with
people, so that's fine.
Yeah.
Keep it an all to ourselves.
Yeah.
would you rather forget your
vows or say them perfectly while
having a visible panic sweat?
I would forget my vows.
Because I would be able to say great
things about my partner either way.
Mm-hmm.
(11:45):
Yeah.
There you go.
I'll get you so well spoken.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I agree with that Would you rather
lose your cool during a dress fitting
or during your rehearsal dinner speech?
Wait, I'm laughing because I just realized
we never talked about my dress fitting.
Should we talk about it?
I, I just thought about that.
Yes.
Tell the story please.
(12:05):
Because I immediately thought about that.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So I can believe I've never
like, shared this before.
was it my first dress fitting?
No, I think it was your second.
So it was to try it on.
So I went into my dress fitting
and I think for that one it was
no 'cause you had already been
there before.
(12:26):
Yeah, this was,
yeah.
So this is your second time.
So I must have gone, did I go by myself?
I think Jordan went with you
the first time, didn't she?
And then I went with you the second time.
Okay.
Jordan and my mother-in-law, I
think went the first time maybe.
Yeah, pretty sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I go and first okay me,
(12:46):
you and my mom pull up, or no, you
are maybe behind us or something.
We pull up and I called the
woman and she was like, I don't
have any appointments today.
And I'm like, yeah, you
have an appointment.
Like, we're outside.
and she's like, Nope,
I'm looking at the books.
I don't have anything.
She's like, can you come back?
And I was like, well, my maid
of honor and my mom or are here
and they live an hour away.
(13:06):
Like, we can't really
just reschedule today.
And she's like, oh, okay, I'll,
be there in like 30 minutes.
Can you just go to the local coffee shop?
Which ended up being really cool.
That's a great experience.
It was really great 'cause it was friends
theme and we're big fans of friends
around here, so that was really cute.
But we go back and she's
like, still not there.
And then she like.
Quickly comes around the front lets us in.
(13:26):
No, she doesn't even let us in.
I think we let ourselves in.
She's in the back, doesn't
even come out to say anything.
And you can just like hear
her back there and she's like,
yeah, I'll, be out in a second.
And I was like, okay.
It was like another, what, 20 minutes?
Yeah.
We were waiting for a while.
Yeah.
she was a grandma, right?
Mm-hmm.
So she had, was it one grand baby or two?
Just the one, I think one was there and
(13:48):
she was like, toddler, she was a toddler.
this woman is stressed out, sweating.
I can hear like, like in the back,
things falling down, being knocked over.
I mean, I feel
the
tense, like tension?
Yes.
And the kid's like grandma or
I don't even know what it was.
And here I am like playing, I
think, the little kid had like
Easter eggs, like little eggs with
(14:09):
like stuff in it or something.
That's what I remember.
Oh wow.
I don't even remember that.
I was just trying to like, yeah, I don't
know, make the situation a little bit
better and entertain the kid, but yes.
So keep going.
So then she was like, what was your name?
I was like, Krista.
And like, she was like flipping through
pages back there in this room in the back.
And she's like, yeah,
(14:29):
okay, we've got your dress.
we'll get it on.
And she comes rushing out
and puts it in the room.
And I like go in there by myself.
I like, shut the door or
did I go in there by myself?
No, I can't remember.
And then I like slowly
open it or something.
And I was like, Eva, come here.
And you're like, what?
And like, so you and my mom
came in and I was like, there's
blood all over the dress.
(14:50):
Mm-hmm.
it wasn't just like a couple spots, it
was all over, underneath the layers.
Like a trail of everywhere she
was touching, which is the whole.
Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.
Yes.
And I feel like she like overheard me
say that and then like kind of came back
and she's like, oh, it's just a spot.
And then just quickly sprayed and wiped.
(15:10):
And I was like, internally panicking
because like in that point of course,
sure most things can come out, but it's
just like a kind of a weird thing to be
like there's someone else's blood on your
dress when you're like here to try it on.
Yeah.
I think she was like
panicked doing it fast.
Like really fast.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, okay, you know what?
They said something's gonna happen
wrong during your wedding planning.
(15:31):
And I said, this is the thing.
And I'm just glad it's
my dress and it's early.
And I think I was internally panicking,
but I think at that point you kind
of took the lead and you were just
like, okay, what's going on here?
Like mm-hmm.
And you were like, just, kind, but
you were very like, firm with her.
Like, okay, what are we doing here?
And she's like, I don't know.
And then she held her hands up and her
hands had cuts all over them, almost
(15:52):
like she was just moving really fast.
So I think what happened is she
had me down for the wrong date.
And then when I called and said I
was outside, she panicked and was
like, I have to do this right now.
Which if she just said, I forgot,
I would've been like, don't worry.
Yes.
If we
would've known, like it wasn't just,
oh, I don't have, anything booked,
but like, it's actually not done.
(16:13):
even after that, you are so understanding.
I was shocked.
I saw everything happen.
Like, okay, late stress is going up.
she's.
In the bath, you can feel the tension.
Your stress level's going up.
Oh my gosh.
Your dress, your wedding dress is covered
in blood stress is like up at the top.
But then once I like talked
(16:34):
to her, you talked to her.
I think your mom too maybe.
I can't really remember, but I feel like
your stress level was going down and
then I feel like at the end of it, did
you hug her or is that my imagination?
Yeah.
So you hugged
her?
I could tell she was so like embarrassed
cause I feel like there's people on
(16:54):
the internet that like here, like, oh,
you're an empath, blah, blah, blah.
But like I can sense, and some
people out there might agree, they
might call me weird, whatever.
But when there's tension or I can
tell someone's trying to hold in.
Like if they're upset, I can sense it.
I swear to God it's like a sixth sense.
I just felt like I believe that.
Yeah.
So even when she got like the spots,
(17:15):
she got most of the spots out.
She was spraying it and then
I finally tried it on, right?
So I'm staying in the mirror and
she's doing her normal thing.
But you can tell like
she's holding back tears.
Like I could tell and this
poor woman, like you could tell
she does not do this normally.
She kept saying, I've
never done this before.
I've been in business for this
long, I've never done this before.
I'm so sorry.
Kept saying sorry.
And like, we've all been in shitty
(17:35):
positions where like we either
forget something or we mess up
something, we're late to something.
we've all done that.
And so like I could tell even when she was
looking at the dress and I was standing on
the podium or whatever, whatever you wanna
call it, she was like holding back tears.
And I think she felt so embarrassed.
And so then when we were booking the
next appointment, she was like shaking.
I remember seeing her hand shake
'cause she was so embarrassed.
(17:55):
And I go, Hey, it's okay.
I was like, it's fine.
we are good.
You did a great job.
And I was like, can I hug you?
And I was like, I remember that.
I don't even know what she
said, I was like teary-eyed
I feel like the tears coming right
now because no bride does that.
just says so much about your character
and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.
But no, seriously, like.
(18:17):
It's your wedding dress.
Every little girl dreams about getting
married and like having the perfect
dress and you have a situation and at
the end of it, instead of, taking your
dress, going somewhere else, you're
being like, I better get this for free.
none of that.
It was, Hey, you did a great job.
And I remember you asked her
for a hug and she was like, yes.
And I saw you guys hugging and I
(18:38):
remember looking at your mom and we
were both like, just so moved by that.
And it was just so sweet to
see and yeah, such a good story.
And when we left, there was
still blood on the dress.
Like you said that she cleaned it all up.
She didn't get it all off.
there was still blood on the dress.
Do you remember that?
A lot of spots, I think.
Yes.
Yeah, I think 'cause I was just like.
Why, and I don't know where
(18:59):
this comes from, but I'm like,
why make someone feel worse?
she probably feels terrible right now
that she like messed up or forgot or,
you know, she's so embarrassed because I
read these stories with these bridezillas
and honestly, most stories that get
sent to me aren't bridezilla stories.
They're mostly like
family related, whatever.
but you read them and you're like,
(19:19):
why make someone feel bad for like
a mistake or an accident or I've
worked in the restaurant industry,
I know you have two and it's like
you've seed stuff like that too.
People are terrible to people
in the service industry.
People are terrible to anyone
that's just trying to help them out.
And I'm like, I would feel awful
leaving knowing that she was
crying because of that situation.
I want her to be like, no.
(19:40):
I'm still your customer.
you're busy.
You do a great job.
I obviously came to you because
you were recommended by me.
I'm not gonna leave like
a bad review or anything.
The dress ended up looking gorgeous.
Like, I loved that dress.
I still love it.
there's so many heightened emotions
around weddings and I feel like
it's so easy to lose your cool.
Of course, like you hear about it all
the time, but you to remember like the
(20:01):
people you're working with are human too.
Like they're allowed to make this.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
I'll never forget it.
Yeah, I knew, I was
like, no, she hugged her.
I remember she asked for a hug,
and honestly, that's kind of, I
shouldn't say out of my character to
ask someone for a hug, like a stranger.
I know Something came over
me and I was just like, she
really needs a hug right now.
And I just felt, 'cause I just, I
(20:22):
remember just seeing her handshake
as she was like writing the next
appointment and I go, Hey, it's okay.
We're fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Wedding day will be great.
Like, honestly.
And she was like so sweet and
she was like, send me pictures
of the dress and, all that.
yeah, I don't know.
I just, she probably went home that
day to like tell her family and then
she probably said how great you were.
And like, I can't believe it.
(20:43):
She hugged me at the end, I felt so bad.
And, thank God she was a good
bride, like a sweet person.
yeah,
I don't know.
she was great.
and then I recommended, I feel like
there's a few groomsmen in her wedding
that went to her and Bridesmaids.
'cause I was like, go to her.
She's great.
She's local for some of us
and yeah, she was awesome.
Yeah, like you said, she was a
(21:04):
grandmother, so she's very grandmother
like, motherly, like very sweet.
Like that.
And I was like, I'm not about to
make someone feel bad for that.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I've like really never talked
about it just 'cause like.
I never would want it to get back to her
like I was like talking about a mistake.
Mm-hmm.
But obviously I'm not gonna say
the name or anything, but that.
She was amazing
Yeah.
I remember that.
Mm-hmm.
(21:31):
Okay.
Would you rather relive wedding planning
with your current emotional tools?
Or do it all again with
zero coping skills?
These are so wild.
No.
Why?
Yeah.
Do it now.
I would do things so differently now.
What would you do different?
I try to set myself up for like
successful marriage, but a part of me.
(21:53):
I feel like I did like 80% of the
things that I wanted, but I feel like I
could have fought a little bit harder,
like stood my ground on like, the
20% of the things that I really was
like, I need to make sure I do this.
Like, I wish I would've incorporated,
more like family in our ceremony.
or, like more, cultural traditions,
(22:13):
although I did have those kind of
elements, but even more of that and
like embraced it and took pride in it.
but it's all like a growth process.
Like you're growing, right?
You get married at some people,
20 some people, thirties, but
you're gonna be different in
your twenties from your thirties.
So yeah.
Great.
Obviously.
Yeah, I think about that
too every once in a while.
Like, what would I change?
(22:34):
Honestly, I think most everything
I'm still pretty happy with,
but I feel like I was really.
Not concerned is the wrong word,
but with like the guest lists and
stuff, like where I made cuts, I'm
proud of how we were with some of it.
'cause I'm like, oh, if Zach and I had
gotten married, like when we first started
dating, let's say 23, 24, it would've
been a completely different guest list.
(22:55):
I think way bigger.
I was gonna say your guest
list would've been huge.
Yeah.
I just feel like, 'cause at that point
it's like everyone's your best friend.
I feel like wedding party
would've been way different.
I feel like more of a yes girl.
okay, yeah, yeah, let's do that.
We probably would've had a, rely more on
parents for help or for, different things.
(23:16):
And I just feel like that
changes as you get older.
If you're like, you've been
to more weddings, so you're
like, okay, I like that.
I don't like that.
This is my style.
That's not, but there were still
outside of that, there were still like
people that we invited and then we
were like, never talk to them again.
Yeah.
And we were like.
Just, we invited them 'cause they
were like friends of a friend.
And then looking back, so I was
(23:36):
like really strict with like,
other than our nieces and nephews,
I didn't invite anyone under 21.
And I had some cousins that
were like middle teens.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm like, I wish I
would've invited them.
I don't know if a lot of them
would've come 'cause they, like,
they would've had a fly and stuff.
Yeah.
But I'm just like, I kind of wish
I invited like all my cousins.
Sure.
That makes sense to
(23:57):
me.
Again, like yeah.
Different, if they lived all here,
I then, they would've all come, but
Yeah.
I definitely wish I would've had more
of like my cousins in our wedding party.
I have a little brother who's way
younger than me, but all of Matt's
siblings, they were in the wedding party.
But I grew up with my cousins
who were like my siblings.
So had one of my cousins in there,
(24:19):
but I wish I would've had the
other three siblings 'cause they're
like my brothers and sisters.
And that's something that
I'm always like, Ugh.
I asked actually my cousin last
minute, I was like, please.
He's like, okay, what
do I need to bring Eva?
what do I have to wear to
match your bridal party?
And so we made it work, but I
wish I would've done it like
the right way from the beginning
so that they felt like special.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(24:39):
How does it's like relationships
change or you visualize it a certain
way or, I feel like we get this idea
in our head and then we're like,
why am I making it such a big deal?
just come in the wedding or, yeah.
It's like, I totally agree with that.
I think too, like, we had our nieces and
nephews in the wedding and I'm like, our
one niece that I think at the time was 13.
I wish I would've like.
(24:59):
Had her stand the whole time like,
with all the bridesmaids and done
something special like for her.
And then I wish our nephews
that weren't in the wedding had
a special role or something.
Yeah.
yeah, I think it's interesting, but
we always think about those things.
I think too, it probably changes
out that we're moms and like family.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like family.
I dunno.
Yeah.
Maybe that's it too.
(25:20):
I still am very like firm on, ' cause
this is one of those most controversial
things, and this is a hot take.
I shouldn't say a hot take from my end,
but like what people, anytime I post
a video about kids at weddings mm-hmm.
It's so like controversial.
Mm-hmm.
There are people that say it's
not a wedding if kids are not
invited and there's people saying,
don't invite your kids or don't.
(25:42):
Bring your kids to my wedding
because I don't want them there.
You know?
So they're just like polar opposites.
I've been to weddings with no kids.
They've been fun.
I've been to weddings with tons
of kids and they've been fun.
Sure.
Neither of them are going to affect,
I feel like how the wedding is.
It's just like if the bride and
groom want them there, but I stand
is you don't need your bosses kids
(26:02):
there that you've never Right.
But if it's kids that are like in your
life and they're important to you, then
yeah, I feel like they should be there.
I feel like it should
be a relationship thing.
That's where I'm at.
' cause some people are like, well if their
kids are there, then mine should be there.
And it's like, well,
do they know your kids?
Have you brought them around?
Just because there are some
kids there doesn't mean that
everyone's kids should be there.
Yeah.
I get that.
(26:23):
Yeah.
That's my 2 cents on that, so.
Oh, yeah.
I agree a hundred percent.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
But I like, remember when my sister got
married, she didn't invite any kids,
so no one, like under 18, I think.
And there were like certain family members
that like, called my grandma, not even
like my mom, but called like my grandma.
And we're like, why aren't kids invited?
(26:43):
and we're talking like distant
family members, we're talking
like my mom's cousin mm-hmm.
Talking about their kids
who like, we barely saw.
Right.
And they were like, well, when
are the kids getting invited?
And we're like, when's the last
time they like talked to my sister?
You things like that were
kind of weird, but, yeah.
I don't know.
It's interesting how people,
yeah, you just gotta respect what
the brain groom want, I guess.
(27:04):
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Before we get too far into this,
let me read, don't worry, this,
story is not as long as last ones.
I know Last time our story
was so long, so, so long.
Here we go.
We almost, it was so long.
You're like, should we stop now
and record the other half later?
No, I was like, do we need a part two?
Because so much happened.
That was with that one.
(27:24):
Oh gosh.
If you guys haven't listened all
last episode with Eva, I don't
even remember what number it was.
I should look it up.
But it was the craziest story.
it was like about a wedding influencer.
Mm-hmm.
And it was like she was using
everything for her content.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
That was an insane story.
So guys, go back and listen to episode 12.
(27:46):
If you haven't.
cause it's wild.
Okay.
This week's story, this is about
my sister, the bride, and how
one joke she made and did with
me not showing up to her wedding.
Ooh, ooh, this is getting spicy.
Okay.
I've never heard it from this perspective.
It's always interesting hearing from a
different perspective because, so many
(28:07):
times I post stories and people are like,
you're only getting one side of things.
I'm like, yeah, well, it's
usually how stories work, right?
You only get one side.
So I just have to take what I can.
So it's interesting to kind
of hear from another person.
Honestly, I've gone back and forth
about whether to even share this,
but I've been sitting heavy on it.
And I just need to get it out.
I've been dealing with
depression for years, a therapy
meds, good days and bad days.
(28:28):
The whole thing my family knows,
especially my parents, but I don't
really talk about it too much.
It's just a lot.
Anyway, my older sister
got married recently.
She's always been the golden child,
super loud, super confident, always
the fun one at family gatherings.
I've always been more
low key, kind of quiet.
She doesn't really understand
mental health stuff.
Never really tried to, but I
(28:49):
didn't expect her to be cruel.
A few weeks before the wedding, we had
the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant.
Why is the rehearsals
dinner a few weeks before?
That's interesting to me.
Or the week of, just close friends,
family and her fiance's family.
She got out to do a test run of her
thank you speech, trying to be funny.
(29:11):
I don't know.
Then she said this.
Huge thanks to my sister
for showing up tonight.
We were starting to think they'd
never crawl out of their sad little
dungeon depression Boss level.
Finally defeated.
What?
No.
What?
No.
That is terrible.
(29:32):
Yeah.
That's so many different.
That's so bad.
They dungeon depression.
Yeah.
so she's basically calling
you out in front of everybody.
Mm-hmm.
And especially the fact that she
never even tried to understand your
depression or talk to you about
it or like be a sister to you.
Yeah.
And instead is just
trying to embarrass you.
(29:53):
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Everyone left.
Full on left and I just sat there frozen,
literally didn't know what to say.
After dinner.
I pulled her aside and told her
straight up, Hey, that wasn't okay.
That joke hurt.
And she goes, oh my God,
are you serious right now?
It's just a joke.
Get over it.
You act like you're the
only one with problems.
I didn't even reply.
(30:13):
I just left.
Okay.
There's like a lot, but that's that
kind of attitude of like, get over it.
Mental health's not real.
You're fine.
We all have issues.
You know, it's like
I
just
feel like all of her sister's hard work.
If you already know, like if you know
that, okay, I can't believe you're here.
I'm shocked that you left
your dungeon, whatever.
(30:34):
I'm shocked you left your bedroom.
What makes you think that saying that
is gonna make her come out again like
that probably took so much courage
and shows, oh, I love you, so I'm
coming to support you, my sister.
And that's how you repay
her by making fun of it.
So what?
So you can get a couple laughs in at your
wedding and make you look funny, make
(30:55):
you look good on your wedding day and now
look at that now your sister's not there.
Yeah.
So I know it's like they say your, friends
are sometimes your, like first bullies.
I've never heard that, but
that makes a lot of sense.
I see that all the time
because maybe I made up that.
Tell me if I took that from somebody
I would always say my friends were
my first bullies friends, that
(31:16):
I had in like elementary school,
specifically one in high school.
We can get to that because she
always pretended to care about me.
but she was the first one
to put me down in a group.
She was the first one to make fun
of me, first one to leave me out.
First one I remember being at a friend's
house and they were all drinking and I
wasn't, and she literally made fun of me
(31:36):
and then went back to school and said that
I was an like a narc for not drinking.
Yeah, as therapist, being in that world
and having adolescents come to me, I hear
that all the time, makes perfect sense.
Like, your closest friends
are your first bullies or like
your friends are your, bullies.
And it's like, it's almost more dangerous.
because some people don't recognize
(31:58):
it because it's like, oh, they're my
friend they're obviously not actually
bullying me, but yes, a hundred percent.
So it sounds like, yeah, the sister's
definitely the bully in the situation
and yeah, she has to pay the price.
no, I was just say because yeah, I feel
like you said, it is more dangerous
because that's striving to be liked,
especially depending on the age.
Like you're striving so hard to be liked
(32:19):
and you want that relationship, right?
And so you see the good times
with this person, or they're
including you in things, right?
So you're unable to see like, oh,
they're including me because I'm the
butt of the joke, or, you know, right.
Is it's like if you're in a bad
relationship with someone you can
see the good moments and you're
like, push past the bad moments,
like toxic or abusive or something.
(32:41):
You're like, oh, but he brought
me flowers the next day.
So it's like a friend like that,
that friend I had in high school,
it when I was the only one, oh my
gosh, there's Krista, oh hey girl.
Oh, you wanna go shopping tonight?
Oh yeah.
But then if there was other people around,
I was like pushed aside, I was made fun
of, I was talked about behind my back.
I mean, she doesn't say that she has
any kind of relationship with her.
(33:01):
Right.
So it sounds like they just are
completely different personalities.
okay, so she says.
I didn't even reply.
I just left a couple
days before the wedding.
I texted her and said
I wouldn't be coming.
Kept it short.
Told her I wasn't feeling well,
and wished her a beautiful day.
She called me immediately flipping out.
See, it's like now she wants her there.
(33:22):
She wants that body there.
Yeah, because it looks bad if
she doesn't have her sister.
Like why doesn't she mm-hmm.
Have that person?
She said I was being selfish
making her wedding about me, and
that I ruined everything over.
One little comment.
Now my parents are mad too.
Apparently I'm the bad guy.
The fact that her parents didn't even
(33:43):
back her up or be like, Hey, maybe
don't, say that about your sister.
yeah, it's problematic because
it sounds like this other sister
gets her way quite a bit like.
she's like the life of
the party kind of thing.
And she probably like, not sneaky here
and there, but she just like makes light
of all the situations to get a laugh.
the parents are probably
like, oh, it's fine.
Like, you know, your sister,
but that doesn't make it okay.
(34:04):
because you're used to certain
patterns or someone's behavior
does not mean that it is okay.
poor girl.
Yeah.
I think too, if the other
sister's the golden child, 'cause
she's like, well liked quote
unquote, and like very outgoing.
Maybe she's more friends
and gets out and does stuff.
They kind of put her on
this pedestal, right?
So like whatever she does can go, but
(34:24):
I'm like, can't you see your other
daughter is like suffering right now?
And like mm-hmm.
I
don't
know.
That would be
really, and it's funny that you
said what the sister said was.
Oh, I can't believe, like,
did you say she's making it
about herself or something?
Like you would think she would apologize?
Mm-hmm.
Like, I'm sorry, but I didn't
hear an apology at all.
It was all about like,
yeah,
yeah,
no.
(34:45):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, because she doesn't care.
I keep replaying it all
like maybe, did I overreact?
I don't know.
But also I was already struggling,
and then to be laughed at like
that in front of everyone, it
just broke something in me.
I couldn't fake it.
I couldn't go and pretend
everything was fine just to
protect her perfect day, honestly.
I always talk about protecting your
peace and if someone's gonna bully you
(35:07):
and say something like that to you.
Yeah.
It's like you have to.
I feel like she was doing
the opposite, honestly.
Mm-hmm.
She wasn't making it about herself.
She's like, I'm gonna excuse myself
from this because if I go, I risk
the chance of being humiliated again.
Maybe someone comes up to me
and says, Hey, that speech was
really funny from your sister.
Mm-hmm.
Or, Hey, how's that whole you
(35:27):
know, like there, it gives people
permission then to keep going.
Yeah.
I'm proud of her.
Good for you for standing
your ground lady.
Yeah.
I agree.
And it's like, complicated,
all this stuff.
Again, we're only seeing and hearing
one side, if the sister were to write
in, I'm sure she would say, right.
I did, I did apologize.
It was just a joke.
Mm-hmm.
And anyone that, even if it was just
(35:49):
a joke, right, if someone's calling
to you and saying, your joke hurt
my feelings and you can't apologize.
You're the problem That is a problem.
Mm-hmm.
Because like even if I were to be like,
make a joke to you right now, and I
could tell it hurt your feelings, I'd
be like, oh, I'm sorry I was Yeah.
Joking at me in that way.
Like, I would never want to hurt
someone's feelings that I care about.
Mm-hmm.
my thing is something that I've learned
(36:09):
to do for, just in general, when someone
does make a joke that to me is not funny.
instead of standing my ground
or like defending myself,
I'm like, why is it funny?
tell me why that's funny.
And then they're like, oh, and then they
feel because they realize like, oh, I
was actually being an asshole, or I was
kinda being a bitch about the situation.
No, I've actually heard that a lot and
I've had to do that a couple times.
(36:30):
When people say sexist or racist
things, I go, I don't understand.
Tell me why.
That's funny.
Oh, yeah, that's what I mean all the time.
I'm like, oh, why is that funny?
Tell it's funny.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I actually had do that not that long ago.
Someone was making a joke and
I was like, I don't understand.
And then they like didn't know
what to say because then when
they have to break it down, they
realize how d offensive, ignorant.
(36:52):
Yeah.
Whatever.
Yeah.
and I think people learn then not
to say stuff around me and like, I
just don't put up with it anymore.
Yeah.
Good for you.
The world's full of enough
hate, like I need to make it
clear where I stand and I, yes.
Joke like that.
Chris is a girl's girl,
everyone, so always love.
Yeah.
we don't make sexist or
racist jokes around here.
(37:14):
Yeah.
Is that how the kids do it now?
Yeah.
Wait, how is it this?
No.
Oh gosh.
Wait.
Oh, this.
I can't even do that.
Yeah.
If you guys are just listening,
we're trying to do this.
Girl.
I'm just gonna stick the T Swift part.
I know
my
daughter, she does this because T
Swift,
so she, I love
it.
It's funny, like the thing about
(37:35):
ask your kids to hold up a phone.
Mm-hmm.
my daughter started playing with,
like pretending to do phone calls.
She has a fake phone.
Yeah.
Phone.
She goes like this.
She goes, and she'll be
like, she's like, hi, spidey.
Hi.
It's me.
Bye.
I love that.
I'm like, oh my gosh, what happened?
(37:56):
This,
I'm still
like, like the rotary?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
My parents had a rotary in their room
growing up and I'd be like, oh my gosh.
Those
things were so
fun to play with.
I know.
They were fun.
I kind of wish we still
had house phones, to be
honest.
I keep telling Matt, my husband
that we need a house phone back.
Yeah, there's like pros and cons.
(38:16):
Like, I like being able to have a phone,
like when we go on a walk or I don't know.
We are driving somewhere.
Right, sure.
It's like safety reasons, I think
I've told you this before too, 'cause
like you've apologized like, oh sorry.
And I'm like, Yvette, you
never have to apologize.
You're busy.
I get it.
Like I never want someone to think
that like this is a walkie talkie
and that like when I text you,
you have to respond right away.
Like, I'm not summoning you.
(38:37):
But I feel like there's like
this, power phones have over
us where we feel like, ah.
Someone texts me like, I
need to get back to them.
And like, Zach has that where he's
like, if I don't text them back,
I feel like I'm letting them down.
I'm like, people will live.
if it's not an urgent request,
you can give it a day or two.
And isn't that crazy how
that seems long for a text?
yeah, for me it takes me
ages, so I'm like, whatever.
(38:59):
But yeah, I hate my phone.
I feel like we just need to like, put
our phones away as soon as we get home.
don't use 'em at the same time.
I'm addicted to them, I
hate texting because I like.
Connection with people and texting is so
impersonal that I'm like, I don't like it.
I would much rather do this FaceTime
you call you, even like hear your voice.
(39:20):
I would much rather prefer that I'm
like old school when it comes to that.
Yeah, I agree.
I don't wanna tell big news
or hear big news via text.
And so I feel like, especially
like with you, I feel like we'll
catch up sometimes I'd rather like
really catch up like in person and
like have our, deep one-on-ones.
'cause I'm like, texting.
How's it going?
Is for like acquaintances?
Yes.
(39:41):
Like, hey, how's it going?
Oh, how's everything?
Okay, great.
It feels so not real.
And I'm like, wait.
Yeah.
I wanna talk to you.
I wanna see you.
I miss you.
Yeah,
yeah, exactly.
Let's go beyond the surface.
yeah, yeah.
Okay.
There's a little bit more of the story.
okay.
It says, now she isn't talking to me.
It's been a few weeks.
No apology, nothing.
(40:02):
Just silence.
I keep wondering if I should have just
sucked it up and gone for the sake
of family peace or avoid the drama.
But at the same time, I know how
low I felt after that dinner.
I know how hard I worked to just
show up that night, like you were
saying, and then to have her turn me
into a punchline, like my pain was
entertainment and the worst part,
I'm the one everyone's upset with.
(40:23):
My parents say I embarrassed the
family that I should have put my
feelings aside for one day, but
no one's asking how I felt being
laughed at in a room full of people.
No one's asking how hard
it was to just be there.
I don't know what's gonna happen with us.
Maybe we'll talk
eventually, maybe we won't.
That makes me really sad.
It's so hard
because I see both sides a little
(40:44):
bit now because it is your big day.
You want your sister, but like,
if that would've been the case,
then you would've apologized and
you would've been like, I'm sorry.
You would've said, I'm sorry.
And try to mend the relationship so that
your sister could go to the wedding.
But I'm on her side, you
should not feel bad about this.
(41:05):
I'm so proud of you again,
for standing your ground.
And like you said, they no longer
have any ammo to keep doing this
to you because now everyone can
recognize like, oh no, she's serious.
and good for you.
there's this thing, the Let Them theory
or like the book, let them, yeah.
And it's a little like,
just let them, that's okay.
And they'll live.
You'll live.
And hopefully in the future, if it's
(41:27):
supposed to be fixed, it will be fixed.
And I hope that you get your
apology, but you might not.
But what I hope for most is that
you can forgive your sister which
takes a of work, but you don't
need an apology to forgive someone.
But if you don't forgive someone.
It's gonna be eating at eu, that
other person's gonna be living their
(41:49):
life not even thinking about it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And that's why you're the professional.
Yeah.
I'm just here to chat.
And you like guys, Yvette
is, an official, like you
are official.
I got my certificate in the mail.
I'm like, yay.
Yes.
What's your like, official title
for everyone that's listening?
Licensed professional counselor.
(42:10):
So she can give actual advice.
I mean, I'm sure like there's
stipulations that you can't give.
Yes.
You're right.
Like this is general.
I
actually can't give advice.
I'm more like, you go
girl, what are we doing?
What are you In general?
Yeah.
they're not your client.
You're just giving your professional.
Yeah.
I love that.
Because I can listen to this story, right.
And I can be like, I know what I
would do in certain situations, right?
(42:32):
Well, one, I wanna be the
little sister that would bully.
I would never call someone out like that.
Yeah.
but yeah, I get what you're saying too.
It's like I've been the people
pleaser before too, where you
just suck it up and you attend.
It is more complicated when
it's a sister versus a friend.
Like, yeah, 100%.
If a friend treated me like
that, I'd be like, I don't
think I can go to the wedding.
I mean, everything's so complicated.
It's like Right.
(42:52):
The whole story.
We don't know the details.
We're not her.
And the fact is that she
made the best choice for her.
And right now it's gonna be hard looking
back and being like, did I overreact?
Why do they all act like
I'm the villain now?
Because I didn't show up.
But in reality, she stuck it to
like, I mean, she really held
from on her boundaries, which
not a lot of people can say.
(43:13):
I don't think I would've been that strong.
Yeah.
Someone did that to me.
I'm like, trying to think if, only taking
this information right here, I probably
still would've gone to the wedding.
And I would've probably gone.
That's the people pleaser coming out.
And I am, that way too.
And it's funny that I say that 'cause I
don't think, I really don't, I feel like
you say, oh, I used to be such a people
(43:33):
pleaser, but I've seen you work so hard on
your boundaries, like setting boundaries
and being like, I know your boundaries.
So I know like, I don't wanna say like
what I can get away with or what I
not, but like I know what's acceptable
and what's not acceptable, around you.
And I respect it even more for that.
What
boundaries do I have that
you
can't do around me?
Um, oh no.
Uh, I feel like with, not really with me.
(43:55):
I just
Respect your privacy, respect that
you're protective over your daughter
and it makes me respect you more, but
also with like, family dynamics or
like friend, you know what I mean?
Like different kind of things.
Like you're firm in that and
I'm like, I love you for that.
So that's, yeah.
Yeah.
I always try to say like, I'm a recovering
people pleaser, I'm better saying like,
no to things or like, I know right off
(44:17):
the bat, if Zach's like, oh, we were
invited to this and this, and I'll be
like, that doesn't sound like something
that would interest me, or I wanna spend
my time doing, like, we were talking
today about valuable friendships or
like where we wanna spend our time.
Right?
and this is not to sound in a certain
way, but like, if it's, let's say
it's like an old friend of Zach's
that I never met from years ago.
It's like, let's catch up and get dinner.
(44:38):
I'm like, you go have fun.
Like you take all night.
Do your thing, I'll stay home.
for me, that's just, I'd rather be home.
But if it's like, let's catch up with our
good friends and like have a date night.
Yeah.
I'm in.
Yeah.
So it's like really like spending time
of what's gonna bring you joy cause I
feel like a lot of times in my twenties,
I would just say yes to things because
someone would invite us and we'd go Yeah.
(44:59):
And I'd be like, I wanted to stay
home and I didn't listen to myself.
Yeah.
And now I'm just like,
no, I wanna do this.
Or yeah.
I feel like it's just we have
to listen to those gut feelings
'cause they're there for a reason.
yeah.
That's good.
Yeah.
I think I say something else.
You were saying something else and I
was like, oh yeah, that's a good point.
I think too well, yeah, about
like boundaries and stuff.
(45:20):
Like, so many times people think like if
you have a boundary, you're like rude.
And I think that's what I
told myself this whole life.
When I was younger, like I
didn't know what boundaries were.
Right?
And I thought, like if people
said no, like you're rude, like
they're gonna talk bad about you.
But in reality, like if you just say
things respectfully or you just carry
yourself in a certain way, people then
just kind of like learn is okay with
(45:41):
this person or just don't, say this
around this person or that kind of thing.
Like,
back to what I said, I think when
you start to implement boundaries in
your life, it equals respect because
people recognize like, oh, they respect
themselves enough to like stand up
for themselves, that it makes them.
Hopefully respect them, and if
not, like, then they're cut off.
(46:01):
You know what I mean?
But essentially, like what
it does is it builds respect
Because yeah, I think if this happened
to me in my twenties or something,
whether it was like my sister or a
friend of mine or something, right.
I think I would've gone, and then I
would've like let it eat at me and
I would've just held onto this, like
you said, it would just affect you.
Like you would just hold onto it.
(46:21):
And then like every little thing they
would do would probably make me mad
or I would just hold onto this grudge
and it would probably just be bigger.
and yeah.
'cause there were friendships I
held onto for a long time that
were like, they were awful to me.
I can still think about
all the things I did.
And then literally, it was like one
day in my like mid twenties, I was just
like, I'm not gonna call that person.
And then they didn't call me and it was
just kind of just like, yeah, hard time.
(46:43):
after her kind of describing
how she all felt after it.
I don't blame her one bitch.
She knew what she needed to do to
protect her peace in that moment, and if
I were her, I won't expect An apology.
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't sound like the
sisters want to apologize if she
can't see why you're hurt now.
Unless she grows a lot
over the next, year or so.
Maybe
it'll happen, you know, that there's
(47:04):
gonna be some kind of conversation in
the future about this, your sisters,
yeah.
Yeah.
It's not
happen.
It's complicated.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
That was a crazy story, and that was sad.
Sometimes they end and they're sad, and
I'm just like, I make these skits online
and they're so like, drama filled and
they're entertainment, but like, deep
down, a lot of these stories, there's
(47:25):
so much like heartbreak and hurt.
Like I make them in an entertaining
way that's like goofy characters.
Right, right.
But there's so much heartbreak and
hurt in a, all of these stories that
it's just like to go through this.
Like, I don't know how some
of these people go through
these things and just move on.
Like how family members are
terrible to them and they have
to like show a brave face.
I don't know how they do it because
(47:45):
I feel very lucky that I've never
had to deal with something like
super intense, like these stories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same.
I don't think I've had anything
too crazy like that either.
I can sit here and at my life
and complain about this, this,
and that, but in reality, no.
Like.
My parents, my extended family, my
immediate family, my husband, my in-laws,
(48:06):
they're actually really good to me.
really lucky.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's awesome.
All right, let's end on some
weekly confessions here.
I've been on a high note.
I mean, we'll say these confessions
(48:26):
go, but we can, I know you're fine.
Okay.
my husband's mom walked around,
I'm guessing at their wedding,
telling everyone she wasn't
taking pictures with me.
I
Why?
What bit, why deliberately do that though?
You just want someone to ask questions.
Like, why, why don't you like her?
Yes.
She's evil.
(48:47):
what is it?
Momzilla?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm. Monster in-law.
Monster.
That's what it is.
why are they like that?
this one says, I wish I'd had the guts to
tell my bestie not to bring his attention.
Seeking girlfriend.
Oof.
That's complicated.
That's complicated.
Complicated.
We'll leave it at that.
Yeah.
(49:08):
I just read a story.
I think it's coming out in a well, by
the time your episode comes out, it'll
already be out, but it's a similar story.
Well, I mean, this one's really short, but
where it's like a guy, girl best friend.
They like say best friends for years
through marriage and like kids.
Mm-hmm.
on her side, marriage and kids.
And then when he goes to get married,
it's like a girl that like hates her
(49:28):
and it's like this weird relationship.
And so like, I feel like that's
complicated and it's like, hmm.
Okay.
Last confession.
My flower girl was absolutely
out of control at my wedding.
Her parents did nothing.
Watch your kids.
Ugh.
I get that.
Like a kid's gonna be a kid.
Sure, but you gotta watch your kids.
(49:50):
a kid's gonna be a kid, but
the parent has to be a parent.
Like you wanted a kid,
you gotta parent the kid.
That's one of the biggest things I see
is like the kids aren't the problem.
It's when the parents don't
watch the kids at the wedding.
That's the problem.
all circumstances, right?
It's like.
I could go to a restaurant with my
child and she could pick up like a box
of creams and just throw it all over.
(50:11):
And I just look at them.
I'm like, whatever.
She's a kid.
Or I'm like, no, we're
gonna get on the floor.
We're gonna pick 'em up.
Right, right.
And so it's like showing her, was just
telling my husband, like, we were at
the library and like I don't want this
to come off like I'm judging because
we've all been in situations where
like, we've left a place and we're just
like, wait, did I pick up whatever?
But like, we were at the library
and this little boy's just throwing
(50:31):
stuff, like literally throwing
there's like a crate of toys.
He's in there throwing it.
The mom's like kind of
around, kind of on her phone.
Phone, yeah.
Walking around.
and then she finally sees him and I'm
there with like my friend and our, kids
and we're like reading a book to them.
And he's throwing stuff.
It's like hitting the girls and
I'm like just kind of grabbing it.
I'm like, oh, ha ha.
Like trying to make light of it.
She walks over, finally sees him and
(50:53):
she's like, oh, you made a mess over here.
So I'm thinking she's gonna sit there
and be like, this is how we clean up.
All of a sudden they're just gone
they're on the other side of the
library, so they're still there.
Like, Hey, you got this, or
Thank you.
Literally it was like, you're fine.
And then like a minute later, then he's
like pulling books off the shelves and
he was like old enough to know better.
Like it wasn't like a one or 2-year-old.
Yeah, and so it was one of
those things where I'm just
like, kids are gonna be kids.
(51:14):
Absolutely.
Like I would never fault a kid for like
throwing stuff or like pulling books
off, but it's like, take that risk step.
So that is kind of the risk you
have with having a flower girl, but
also like the parents are there.
Yeah.
Step in a little bit.
Yeah.
And moving forward your next wedding.
No, but like, just a tip for other people
is like having guidelines for the parents.
(51:35):
Like, Hey, she's a little young.
could you, like, if you see her maybe
like doing this or that, could you
kind of redirect her and help her out?
That would be like a good
conversation to have.
Yeah.
Definitely.
All right.
Well that is all we have for this week.
what exciting things do you want to share?
what's going on?
I'm going to Norway.
(51:55):
I'm so excited for you.
You knew that.
Yeah.
If you didn't know that, I did know that.
That'd be really bad.
Thank you so much for coming on.
It's always so funny.
You know, it's fun.
this was like three months
Oh, you came on last fall.
Remember?
Yes.
Before you even
had a podcast.
Yeah, we
got this last year.
We like did it in the future.
(52:16):
all right, well, I guess this is it.
Thanks for having me.
How do we say goodbye?
I'll see you soon in person.
Can't wait.
Oh, yeah.
I'll see you next weekend.
I just feel like we need to just start
talking because I would feel like we don't
really need to introduce it because I feel
like that's so informal for us, for me
to be like, Hey, y welcome to the class.
Tell everyone about yourself.
Yeah.
It does feel weird for me to be like,
Hey, I'm so and so, 'cause I'm, Yvette.
And that's more than enough.
Like we're not gonna introduce
(00:20):
ourselves and then we're just doing it.
I just wanna be more
casual on these podcasts.
I feel like because of where I came
from with doing like, the podcast
before, I don't know if people listening
know, like, I used to work for like a
mommy brand and so I did a podcast and
so it was very formal 'cause it was
for like a brand that I worked for.
And so I'm so used to like doing that
now and I'm like, I just wanna hang out
with people when they come on, you know?
(00:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Could have been recording
the whole time.
I know we talked about so many things.
We'll see if they come up again.
I'm sure they will, but I was just like,
oh, it's getting late and we're chatting.
We should probably just start.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming back on.
Thanks for having me again.
I'm excited.
that was on, I don't even know.
What month are we?
It's July now.
Yeah.
This doesn't come out until
(01:00):
August or September, but,
yeah, it was last fall I think.
Definitely.
Right.
Last fall.
No, this is Jan.
Nevermind.
This has only been a year in the
making.
Not even.
yeah, I think I started
this podcast in January.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You got me so confused.
My, it's my brain.
I know my husband and I always say my
(01:22):
husband, don't even talk to you like that.
My husband Zach and I, I
don't know who that is.
I know you're like, no idea what that is.
Zach and I are always
like, time is so weird.
'cause like, we'll look at
pictures of my daughter.
I just, her privacy stuff.
and she was a full on baby last year.
Like now she's like a kid.
Mm-hmm.
I know you sent Well Matt, my husband sent
(01:44):
the picture of her and I was like, what?
Who is that?
She's
like a kid.
She's a kid.
I know.
She's like full on thoughts and stuff.
It's so weird how they
just grow up so fast.
I love that she's into Spider-Man though.
'cause definitely went through her
Spider-Man phase and they were so excited
when we went to go see the exhibit.
Yeah.
So they loved it.
(02:05):
Good stuff.
I love that.
It feels like just yesterday you were
pregnant at my wedding with Bria.
Yeah.
It was cute.
We were at the exhibit and she's
like, mom, I was taking a picture.
She's like, mom, I, can't do it.
And she's like, trying to figure it out.
She's like, holier
with those fingers.
Yeah, with her other
hand.
It's like, whew.
Like, you got it girl.
You got it.
We'll have to teach the baby.
(02:28):
Yeah.
I'm like weird.
Like, it doesn't even like
matter if people know her name.
I'm just like, I think what I'm afraid
of, and this is me being vulnerable,
I never want people to say negative
comment about her in any way.
You know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm.
I don't know, I just feel very
like, protective about it.
'cause I've seen people like post about
like, oh, these are my kids or something.
And someone will be like,
that's a weird name.
(02:48):
Or that's, oh, why would you let
your kid wear that or do that?
And I'm like.
I know I'm sensitive and if
anyone had say anything about
my child, they'd be like, wow.
Like, mm-hmm.
So props to like all the
moms out there that just
I remember like, when Paris Hilton had her
baby and people were being so mean about
her son, and I was like, that is awful.
Mm-hmm.
(03:08):
And I feel like it happens all the time.
Yeah.
Oh, I think it's terrible.
Yeah.
And I think one of the things too that you
keep seeing is now with like, I wonder if
in your profession too, it's like, because
there's so much more awareness of like.
special needs or autism
or, you different things.
I feel like people are so quick
to like diagnose other people.
I've seen it online.
someone will post their child and
(03:29):
they're like, oh, have you got them
checked for this, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like, don't say that
out someone else's child.
Like, don't label 'em.
Yeah, don't label.
Like obviously if you see like
a spot on their back and you're
like, that might be melanoma.
Yeah.
Let's like, maybe have them look in.
I've heard of that happening
where people get checked then.
I don't know.
I guess that's why I'm
the way I am about stuff.
I don't even know what
(03:49):
we're talking about.
we're just talking to just start talking.
I was telling Yvette before we started
that I was recording with, this girl
Katie, that was on my podcast and we were
talking, she's like, just start recording.
Mm-hmm.
And I still felt so weird doing
it 'cause I was like, I felt like
I still need to introduce her.
And she's like, let's
just see what happens.
And I was like.
Yeah, so we were talking about this
(04:10):
and like, I feel like outta sorts,
like the planner in me is like,
oh my gosh,
but
do I have to do this?
I have to do that.
Where do we go next?
Yeah.
It's so weird.
I don't know,
it's good to be like authentic
in it and just go for it.
Yeah.
That's true.
Mm-hmm.
Which I could just like turn
off the part of my brain
that's like, it doesn't matter.
Just be you girl.
I dunno.
Okay, last time you were here,
(04:31):
we did something similar.
We were kind of doing like crazy stories.
Mm-hmm.
And we're gonna react to one
of course, like we always do.
But I was thinking too, I'm like, I
feel like we could tell so much more.
I don't even know what
I'm saying right now.
Did you plan for this?
No, I have my talking
points and that's it.
Okay.
I just went on a walk and so I
(04:52):
feel like my allergies are so bad.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't have that problem.
I'm sorry.
I can't relate, but my husband
has that problem and he's,
I'm always like, are you okay?
He's like, oh, my allergies are so bad.
I'm like, I don't, get it.
I'm fine.
I know.
I usually don't have 'em.
This is the first year.
Oh,
really?
Yeah.
So they could still be coming.
You're young.
Just wait.
(05:12):
I used to have 'em when I was
like in middle school for like
two years and then never again.
Really?
So fingers crossed it stays that way.
It'll stay that way.
You'll get lucky.
no, I know what I was gonna say, but I was
trying to like protect myself, you know?
That's when I was like, when you start
talking with someone, you're like,
okay, wait, should I say that or not?
Mm. With Zach.
He was on a Patreon episode and we
(05:34):
were talking about groomsmen stories.
Mm. after we like finished recording
recently, I was like, Zach, you
have crazy groomsmen stories,
that like you didn't talk about.
And then I was like, thinking
about when you were on, I'm
like, you are my maid of honor.
I was like, I wonder if you
have any like crazy stories or
about you?
(05:54):
No, I can just, Krista,
she comes off really sweet.
But she was the biggest bridezilla ever.
No, actually, literally
quite the opposite.
You were like, oh yeah, I don't care if
you wear white at my bachelorette party.
I'm like, what?
No, they cannot wear white.
Like, that's for you.
I feel like at that point I was
just like, everybody's here.
(06:15):
why does it matter what people wear?
Yeah.
Also it's so awkward, maybe this is me
too, but you like think of that moment
of like, oh, cool, it's my bachelorette.
It's like my party.
But then when you're the one in white
and everyone's wearing black, you're
like, for the attention please.
Like, yeah.
It's fun to kind of like
notice oh, you're the bride.
(06:35):
But then it's like, also
please look at my friends.
they're awesome.
Yeah.
For my bachelorette party, we went
to, a drag show they were calling me
out because I was a bride, but they
didn't quite know who was a bride
and they're all like, it's this one.
And I was wearing white and I was like,
okay, not your typical, full on, you know?
Yeah.
So fun.
(06:56):
Yeah.
Part of me wishes.
I think the second day of my
bachelorette, I was feeling really
tired I feel so old right now.
I don't know if I was hungover or
what, but I remember we were doing
the, like, the pedal bus oh yeah.
I was like, girl, wake up.
I didn't know that.
Gosh, I thought you were just like
(07:16):
having the
best time ever.
I was having the best time ever, it was
like one of those where I was like, I
feel like I'm in my thirties right now.
Yeah.
you said like if I had any crazy stories,
this is not like I just had a friend
over who I grew up with, but she's
currently living in Texas, so she stopped
by, the other day and she's planning,
(07:36):
so her sister's getting married she
was planning kind of like a surprise
bachelorette party kind of thing.
Well, part of it was all planned out.
It was just like her cousins and really
good friends and like the bridal party,
but they were at this beach and then all
of a sudden all of these women, so her
aunts, her mom, her grandma, they all
came in their original wedding dress,
(07:59):
their wedding dresses, with the big poofy
sleeves and everything and the veils.
And they all surprised her.
And then they went out to all these and
all the women were like in their wedding
gowns.
And I'm like, that is so funny.
I love that.
Did you see that trend a while back?
That was like, you go to Goodwill
and you buy like an old lady dress?
(08:19):
No, but I've always wanted to do
that.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Why didn't we do that for this podcast?
I don't
know.
We just like wearing
eighties wedding dresses.
Oh my gosh.
That would've been so funny.
It's funny you say that actually,
because right before I was getting
ready to come on, I was like, oh, we
should have done a theme and like.
Or something, but I was
like, you literally see like
(08:39):
this far up in my head, so
yeah.
That's so funny.
I know.
That would've been really funny if we
just like, we like didn't talk about it.
we just came out and
like acted like, yeah.
Like it was totally normal.
Next time I might need
some wine if we do that.
Speaking of, I don't think
I'm a wine person anymore.
I don't know.
I bought a bottle of wine.
(08:59):
Yeah.
and my husband Zach was somewhere last
night, he was at a friend's house and
I like poured a glass I texted him,
I was like, I'm pouring this out.
This is like this.
I just can't,
is it the sugar free
wine.
Oh, okay.
Is it because like, do
you drink other stuff or?
No,
I honestly couldn't tell you
the last time I had a drink.
Wow.
I am so.
(09:20):
I'm just proud of you guys
because Zach doesn't drink
and now you are not drinking.
And I'm,
it's not like that.
I'm not, like, if I was at a social
event, I would maybe have a drink.
I'm trying to think.
Have I been anywhere now?
I can't remember.
I feel like there was somewhere I
was at recently and I had a drink.
Anyways, we're getting off topic again.
I don't even know if there is a topic.
Okay.
(09:41):
I feel like I always think of crazy
stories that I wanna tell later.
So if as it comes up, it, maybe it'll,
We're gonna switch things up this
week and we are gonna do rapid fire.
Mm-hmm.
So this is gonna be a this or that.
So some wedding chaos addition.
So, just like for different,
like wedding things.
Okay.
Would you rather cry in the bridal
suite over a seating chart or cry on
(10:02):
the dance floor in front of everybody?
Cry in private.
Is it my wedding?
if it's my wedding, I can cry.
I don't care if it's not my wedding.
I'm not crying and making it about me.
This is about them.
Yeah.
I think these are for your wedding.
I don't know.
Hmm.
I
mean, whatever, whatever you're thinking.
Yeah.
would you rather have one therapy session
(10:22):
before your wedding planning starts?
Or unlimited venting voice
notes from your best friend?
I would see a therapy session
every week leading up to a
marriage, and then after, no,
yeah, I have to say therapy.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Would you rather have a mother-in-law
who overs, shares everything, or
(10:43):
one who silently judges everything.
Oh, overshare, please.
I wanna be comfortable.
And
you want someone that overs, shares
like my stuff?
Yeah.
Mm. I don't care.
I'm pretty vulnerable.
what would she share?
Like let's say If I was pregnant and she
was like telling people I'd be pissed.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
(11:04):
Oh yeah, no.
Or like maybe you've been having really
bad pain and you've been going to
see the doctor and she's like telling
everybody at church or something.
Oh, and what was my other option?
Or silently judges you.
I think everyone judges, right?
Yeah.
So
I'm sure everyone like
has, I guess that's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now that you say it that way, like
I'd rather her just be like, Ugh.
(11:24):
And she's not sharing with
people, so that's fine.
Yeah.
Keep it an all to ourselves.
Yeah.
would you rather forget your
vows or say them perfectly while
having a visible panic sweat?
I would forget my vows.
Because I would be able to say great
things about my partner either way.
Mm-hmm.
(11:45):
Yeah.
There you go.
I'll get you so well spoken.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I agree with that Would you rather
lose your cool during a dress fitting
or during your rehearsal dinner speech?
Wait, I'm laughing because I just realized
we never talked about my dress fitting.
Should we talk about it?
I, I just thought about that.
Yes.
Tell the story please.
(12:05):
Because I immediately thought about that.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So I can believe I've never
like, shared this before.
was it my first dress fitting?
No, I think it was your second.
So it was to try it on.
So I went into my dress fitting
and I think for that one it was
no 'cause you had already been
there before.
(12:26):
Yeah, this was,
yeah.
So this is your second time.
So I must have gone, did I go by myself?
I think Jordan went with you
the first time, didn't she?
And then I went with you the second time.
Okay.
Jordan and my mother-in-law, I
think went the first time maybe.
Yeah, pretty sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I go and first okay me,
(12:46):
you and my mom pull up, or no, you
are maybe behind us or something.
We pull up and I called the
woman and she was like, I don't
have any appointments today.
And I'm like, yeah, you
have an appointment.
Like, we're outside.
and she's like, Nope,
I'm looking at the books.
I don't have anything.
She's like, can you come back?
And I was like, well, my maid
of honor and my mom or are here
and they live an hour away.
(13:06):
Like, we can't really
just reschedule today.
And she's like, oh, okay, I'll,
be there in like 30 minutes.
Can you just go to the local coffee shop?
Which ended up being really cool.
That's a great experience.
It was really great 'cause it was friends
theme and we're big fans of friends
around here, so that was really cute.
But we go back and she's
like, still not there.
And then she like.
Quickly comes around the front lets us in.
(13:26):
No, she doesn't even let us in.
I think we let ourselves in.
She's in the back, doesn't
even come out to say anything.
And you can just like hear
her back there and she's like,
yeah, I'll, be out in a second.
And I was like, okay.
It was like another, what, 20 minutes?
Yeah.
We were waiting for a while.
Yeah.
she was a grandma, right?
Mm-hmm.
So she had, was it one grand baby or two?
Just the one, I think one was there and
(13:48):
she was like, toddler, she was a toddler.
this woman is stressed out, sweating.
I can hear like, like in the back,
things falling down, being knocked over.
I mean, I feel
the
tense, like tension?
Yes.
And the kid's like grandma or
I don't even know what it was.
And here I am like playing, I
think, the little kid had like
Easter eggs, like little eggs with
(14:09):
like stuff in it or something.
That's what I remember.
Oh wow.
I don't even remember that.
I was just trying to like, yeah, I don't
know, make the situation a little bit
better and entertain the kid, but yes.
So keep going.
So then she was like, what was your name?
I was like, Krista.
And like, she was like flipping through
pages back there in this room in the back.
And she's like, yeah,
(14:29):
okay, we've got your dress.
we'll get it on.
And she comes rushing out
and puts it in the room.
And I like go in there by myself.
I like, shut the door or
did I go in there by myself?
No, I can't remember.
And then I like slowly
open it or something.
And I was like, Eva, come here.
And you're like, what?
And like, so you and my mom
came in and I was like, there's
blood all over the dress.
(14:50):
Mm-hmm.
it wasn't just like a couple spots, it
was all over, underneath the layers.
Like a trail of everywhere she
was touching, which is the whole.
Dress, she was leaving blood everywhere.
Yes.
And I feel like she like overheard me
say that and then like kind of came back
and she's like, oh, it's just a spot.
And then just quickly sprayed and wiped.
(15:10):
And I was like, internally panicking
because like in that point of course,
sure most things can come out, but it's
just like a kind of a weird thing to be
like there's someone else's blood on your
dress when you're like here to try it on.
Yeah.
I think she was like
panicked doing it fast.
Like really fast.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, okay, you know what?
They said something's gonna happen
wrong during your wedding planning.
(15:31):
And I said, this is the thing.
And I'm just glad it's
my dress and it's early.
And I think I was internally panicking,
but I think at that point you kind
of took the lead and you were just
like, okay, what's going on here?
Like mm-hmm.
And you were like, just, kind, but
you were very like, firm with her.
Like, okay, what are we doing here?
And she's like, I don't know.
And then she held her hands up and her
hands had cuts all over them, almost
(15:52):
like she was just moving really fast.
So I think what happened is she
had me down for the wrong date.
And then when I called and said I
was outside, she panicked and was
like, I have to do this right now.
Which if she just said, I forgot,
I would've been like, don't worry.
Yes.
If we
would've known, like it wasn't just,
oh, I don't have, anything booked,
but like, it's actually not done.
(16:13):
even after that, you are so understanding.
I was shocked.
I saw everything happen.
Like, okay, late stress is going up.
she's.
In the bath, you can feel the tension.
Your stress level's going up.
Oh my gosh.
Your dress, your wedding dress is covered
in blood stress is like up at the top.
But then once I like talked
(16:34):
to her, you talked to her.
I think your mom too maybe.
I can't really remember, but I feel like
your stress level was going down and
then I feel like at the end of it, did
you hug her or is that my imagination?
Yeah.
So you hugged
her?
I could tell she was so like embarrassed
cause I feel like there's people on
(16:54):
the internet that like here, like, oh,
you're an empath, blah, blah, blah.
But like I can sense, and some
people out there might agree, they
might call me weird, whatever.
But when there's tension or I can
tell someone's trying to hold in.
Like if they're upset, I can sense it.
I swear to God it's like a sixth sense.
I just felt like I believe that.
Yeah.
So even when she got like the spots,
(17:15):
she got most of the spots out.
She was spraying it and then
I finally tried it on, right?
So I'm staying in the mirror and
she's doing her normal thing.
But you can tell like
she's holding back tears.
Like I could tell and this
poor woman, like you could tell
she does not do this normally.
She kept saying, I've
never done this before.
I've been in business for this
long, I've never done this before.
I'm so sorry.
Kept saying sorry.
And like, we've all been in shitty
(17:35):
positions where like we either
forget something or we mess up
something, we're late to something.
we've all done that.
And so like I could tell even when she was
looking at the dress and I was standing on
the podium or whatever, whatever you wanna
call it, she was like holding back tears.
And I think she felt so embarrassed.
And so then when we were booking the
next appointment, she was like shaking.
I remember seeing her hand shake
'cause she was so embarrassed.
(17:55):
And I go, Hey, it's okay.
I was like, it's fine.
we are good.
You did a great job.
And I was like, can I hug you?
And I was like, I remember that.
I don't even know what she
said, I was like teary-eyed
I feel like the tears coming right
now because no bride does that.
just says so much about your character
and not to like, whatever, kiss your butt.
But no, seriously, like.
(18:17):
It's your wedding dress.
Every little girl dreams about getting
married and like having the perfect
dress and you have a situation and at
the end of it, instead of, taking your
dress, going somewhere else, you're
being like, I better get this for free.
none of that.
It was, Hey, you did a great job.
And I remember you asked her
for a hug and she was like, yes.
And I saw you guys hugging and I
(18:38):
remember looking at your mom and we
were both like, just so moved by that.
And it was just so sweet to
see and yeah, such a good story.
And when we left, there was
still blood on the dress.
Like you said that she cleaned it all up.
She didn't get it all off.
there was still blood on the dress.
Do you remember that?
A lot of spots, I think.
Yes.
Yeah, I think 'cause I was just like.
Why, and I don't know where
(18:59):
this comes from, but I'm like,
why make someone feel worse?
she probably feels terrible right now
that she like messed up or forgot or,
you know, she's so embarrassed because I
read these stories with these bridezillas
and honestly, most stories that get
sent to me aren't bridezilla stories.
They're mostly like
family related, whatever.
but you read them and you're like,
(19:19):
why make someone feel bad for like
a mistake or an accident or I've
worked in the restaurant industry,
I know you have two and it's like
you've seed stuff like that too.
People are terrible to people
in the service industry.
People are terrible to anyone
that's just trying to help them out.
And I'm like, I would feel awful
leaving knowing that she was
crying because of that situation.
I want her to be like, no.
(19:40):
I'm still your customer.
you're busy.
You do a great job.
I obviously came to you because
you were recommended by me.
I'm not gonna leave like
a bad review or anything.
The dress ended up looking gorgeous.
Like, I loved that dress.
I still love it.
there's so many heightened emotions
around weddings and I feel like
it's so easy to lose your cool.
Of course, like you hear about it all
the time, but you to remember like the
(20:01):
people you're working with are human too.
Like they're allowed to make this.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
I'll never forget it.
Yeah, I knew, I was
like, no, she hugged her.
I remember she asked for a hug,
and honestly, that's kind of, I
shouldn't say out of my character to
ask someone for a hug, like a stranger.
I know Something came over
me and I was just like, she
really needs a hug right now.
And I just felt, 'cause I just, I
(20:22):
remember just seeing her handshake
as she was like writing the next
appointment and I go, Hey, it's okay.
We're fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Wedding day will be great.
Like, honestly.
And she was like so sweet and
she was like, send me pictures
of the dress and, all that.
yeah, I don't know.
I just, she probably went home that
day to like tell her family and then
she probably said how great you were.
And like, I can't believe it.
(20:43):
She hugged me at the end, I felt so bad.
And, thank God she was a good
bride, like a sweet person.
yeah,
I don't know.
she was great.
and then I recommended, I feel like
there's a few groomsmen in her wedding
that went to her and Bridesmaids.
'cause I was like, go to her.
She's great.
She's local for some of us
and yeah, she was awesome.
Yeah, like you said, she was a
(21:04):
grandmother, so she's very grandmother
like, motherly, like very sweet.
Like that.
And I was like, I'm not about to
make someone feel bad for that.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I've like really never talked
about it just 'cause like.
I never would want it to get back to her
like I was like talking about a mistake.
Mm-hmm.
But obviously I'm not gonna say
the name or anything, but that.
She was amazing
Yeah.
I remember that.
Mm-hmm.
(21:31):
Okay.
Would you rather relive wedding planning
with your current emotional tools?
Or do it all again with
zero coping skills?
These are so wild.
No.
Why?
Yeah.
Do it now.
I would do things so differently now.
What would you do different?
I try to set myself up for like
successful marriage, but a part of me.
(21:53):
I feel like I did like 80% of the
things that I wanted, but I feel like I
could have fought a little bit harder,
like stood my ground on like, the
20% of the things that I really was
like, I need to make sure I do this.
Like, I wish I would've incorporated,
more like family in our ceremony.
or, like more, cultural traditions,
(22:13):
although I did have those kind of
elements, but even more of that and
like embraced it and took pride in it.
but it's all like a growth process.
Like you're growing, right?
You get married at some people,
20 some people, thirties, but
you're gonna be different in
your twenties from your thirties.
So yeah.
Great.
Obviously.
Yeah, I think about that
too every once in a while.
Like, what would I change?
(22:34):
Honestly, I think most everything
I'm still pretty happy with,
but I feel like I was really.
Not concerned is the wrong word,
but with like the guest lists and
stuff, like where I made cuts, I'm
proud of how we were with some of it.
'cause I'm like, oh, if Zach and I had
gotten married, like when we first started
dating, let's say 23, 24, it would've
been a completely different guest list.
(22:55):
I think way bigger.
I was gonna say your guest
list would've been huge.
Yeah.
I just feel like, 'cause at that point
it's like everyone's your best friend.
I feel like wedding party
would've been way different.
I feel like more of a yes girl.
okay, yeah, yeah, let's do that.
We probably would've had a, rely more on
parents for help or for, different things.
(23:16):
And I just feel like that
changes as you get older.
If you're like, you've been
to more weddings, so you're
like, okay, I like that.
I don't like that.
This is my style.
That's not, but there were still
outside of that, there were still like
people that we invited and then we
were like, never talk to them again.
Yeah.
And we were like.
Just, we invited them 'cause they
were like friends of a friend.
And then looking back, so I was
(23:36):
like really strict with like,
other than our nieces and nephews,
I didn't invite anyone under 21.
And I had some cousins that
were like middle teens.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm like, I wish I
would've invited them.
I don't know if a lot of them
would've come 'cause they, like,
they would've had a fly and stuff.
Yeah.
But I'm just like, I kind of wish
I invited like all my cousins.
Sure.
That makes sense to
(23:57):
me.
Again, like yeah.
Different, if they lived all here,
I then, they would've all come, but
Yeah.
I definitely wish I would've had more
of like my cousins in our wedding party.
I have a little brother who's way
younger than me, but all of Matt's
siblings, they were in the wedding party.
But I grew up with my cousins
who were like my siblings.
So had one of my cousins in there,
(24:19):
but I wish I would've had the
other three siblings 'cause they're
like my brothers and sisters.
And that's something that
I'm always like, Ugh.
I asked actually my cousin last
minute, I was like, please.
He's like, okay, what
do I need to bring Eva?
what do I have to wear to
match your bridal party?
And so we made it work, but I
wish I would've done it like
the right way from the beginning
so that they felt like special.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(24:39):
How does it's like relationships
change or you visualize it a certain
way or, I feel like we get this idea
in our head and then we're like,
why am I making it such a big deal?
just come in the wedding or, yeah.
It's like, I totally agree with that.
I think too, like, we had our nieces and
nephews in the wedding and I'm like, our
one niece that I think at the time was 13.
I wish I would've like.
(24:59):
Had her stand the whole time like,
with all the bridesmaids and done
something special like for her.
And then I wish our nephews
that weren't in the wedding had
a special role or something.
Yeah.
yeah, I think it's interesting, but
we always think about those things.
I think too, it probably changes
out that we're moms and like family.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like family.
I dunno.
Yeah.
Maybe that's it too.
(25:20):
I still am very like firm on, ' cause
this is one of those most controversial
things, and this is a hot take.
I shouldn't say a hot take from my end,
but like what people, anytime I post
a video about kids at weddings mm-hmm.
It's so like controversial.
Mm-hmm.
There are people that say it's
not a wedding if kids are not
invited and there's people saying,
don't invite your kids or don't.
(25:42):
Bring your kids to my wedding
because I don't want them there.
You know?
So they're just like polar opposites.
I've been to weddings with no kids.
They've been fun.
I've been to weddings with tons
of kids and they've been fun.
Sure.
Neither of them are going to affect,
I feel like how the wedding is.
It's just like if the bride and
groom want them there, but I stand
is you don't need your bosses kids
(26:02):
there that you've never Right.
But if it's kids that are like in your
life and they're important to you, then
yeah, I feel like they should be there.
I feel like it should
be a relationship thing.
That's where I'm at.
' cause some people are like, well if their
kids are there, then mine should be there.
And it's like, well,
do they know your kids?
Have you brought them around?
Just because there are some
kids there doesn't mean that
everyone's kids should be there.
Yeah.
I get that.
(26:23):
Yeah.
That's my 2 cents on that, so.
Oh, yeah.
I agree a hundred percent.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
But I like, remember when my sister got
married, she didn't invite any kids,
so no one, like under 18, I think.
And there were like certain family members
that like, called my grandma, not even
like my mom, but called like my grandma.
And we're like, why aren't kids invited?
(26:43):
and we're talking like distant
family members, we're talking
like my mom's cousin mm-hmm.
Talking about their kids
who like, we barely saw.
Right.
And they were like, well, when
are the kids getting invited?
And we're like, when's the last
time they like talked to my sister?
You things like that were
kind of weird, but, yeah.
I don't know.
It's interesting how people,
yeah, you just gotta respect what
the brain groom want, I guess.
(27:04):
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Before we get too far into this,
let me read, don't worry, this,
story is not as long as last ones.
I know Last time our story
was so long, so, so long.
Here we go.
We almost, it was so long.
You're like, should we stop now
and record the other half later?
No, I was like, do we need a part two?
Because so much happened.
That was with that one.
(27:24):
Oh gosh.
If you guys haven't listened all
last episode with Eva, I don't
even remember what number it was.
I should look it up.
But it was the craziest story.
it was like about a wedding influencer.
Mm-hmm.
And it was like she was using
everything for her content.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
That was an insane story.
So guys, go back and listen to episode 12.
(27:46):
If you haven't.
cause it's wild.
Okay.
This week's story, this is about
my sister, the bride, and how
one joke she made and did with
me not showing up to her wedding.
Ooh, ooh, this is getting spicy.
Okay.
I've never heard it from this perspective.
It's always interesting hearing from a
different perspective because, so many
(28:07):
times I post stories and people are like,
you're only getting one side of things.
I'm like, yeah, well, it's
usually how stories work, right?
You only get one side.
So I just have to take what I can.
So it's interesting to kind
of hear from another person.
Honestly, I've gone back and forth
about whether to even share this,
but I've been sitting heavy on it.
And I just need to get it out.
I've been dealing with
depression for years, a therapy
meds, good days and bad days.
(28:28):
The whole thing my family knows,
especially my parents, but I don't
really talk about it too much.
It's just a lot.
Anyway, my older sister
got married recently.
She's always been the golden child,
super loud, super confident, always
the fun one at family gatherings.
I've always been more
low key, kind of quiet.
She doesn't really understand
mental health stuff.
Never really tried to, but I
(28:49):
didn't expect her to be cruel.
A few weeks before the wedding, we had
the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant.
Why is the rehearsals
dinner a few weeks before?
That's interesting to me.
Or the week of, just close friends,
family and her fiance's family.
She got out to do a test run of her
thank you speech, trying to be funny.
(29:11):
I don't know.
Then she said this.
Huge thanks to my sister
for showing up tonight.
We were starting to think they'd
never crawl out of their sad little
dungeon depression Boss level.
Finally defeated.
What?
No.
What?
No.
That is terrible.
(29:32):
Yeah.
That's so many different.
That's so bad.
They dungeon depression.
Yeah.
so she's basically calling
you out in front of everybody.
Mm-hmm.
And especially the fact that she
never even tried to understand your
depression or talk to you about
it or like be a sister to you.
Yeah.
And instead is just
trying to embarrass you.
(29:53):
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Everyone left.
Full on left and I just sat there frozen,
literally didn't know what to say.
After dinner.
I pulled her aside and told her
straight up, Hey, that wasn't okay.
That joke hurt.
And she goes, oh my God,
are you serious right now?
It's just a joke.
Get over it.
You act like you're the
only one with problems.
I didn't even reply.
(30:13):
I just left.
Okay.
There's like a lot, but that's that
kind of attitude of like, get over it.
Mental health's not real.
You're fine.
We all have issues.
You know, it's like
I
just
feel like all of her sister's hard work.
If you already know, like if you know
that, okay, I can't believe you're here.
I'm shocked that you left
your dungeon, whatever.
(30:34):
I'm shocked you left your bedroom.
What makes you think that saying that
is gonna make her come out again like
that probably took so much courage
and shows, oh, I love you, so I'm
coming to support you, my sister.
And that's how you repay
her by making fun of it.
So what?
So you can get a couple laughs in at your
wedding and make you look funny, make
(30:55):
you look good on your wedding day and now
look at that now your sister's not there.
Yeah.
So I know it's like they say your, friends
are sometimes your, like first bullies.
I've never heard that, but
that makes a lot of sense.
I see that all the time
because maybe I made up that.
Tell me if I took that from somebody
I would always say my friends were
my first bullies friends, that
(31:16):
I had in like elementary school,
specifically one in high school.
We can get to that because she
always pretended to care about me.
but she was the first one
to put me down in a group.
She was the first one to make fun
of me, first one to leave me out.
First one I remember being at a friend's
house and they were all drinking and I
wasn't, and she literally made fun of me
(31:36):
and then went back to school and said that
I was an like a narc for not drinking.
Yeah, as therapist, being in that world
and having adolescents come to me, I hear
that all the time, makes perfect sense.
Like, your closest friends
are your first bullies or like
your friends are your, bullies.
And it's like, it's almost more dangerous.
because some people don't recognize
(31:58):
it because it's like, oh, they're my
friend they're obviously not actually
bullying me, but yes, a hundred percent.
So it sounds like, yeah, the sister's
definitely the bully in the situation
and yeah, she has to pay the price.
no, I was just say because yeah, I feel
like you said, it is more dangerous
because that's striving to be liked,
especially depending on the age.
Like you're striving so hard to be liked
(32:19):
and you want that relationship, right?
And so you see the good times
with this person, or they're
including you in things, right?
So you're unable to see like, oh,
they're including me because I'm the
butt of the joke, or, you know, right.
Is it's like if you're in a bad
relationship with someone you can
see the good moments and you're
like, push past the bad moments,
like toxic or abusive or something.
(32:41):
You're like, oh, but he brought
me flowers the next day.
So it's like a friend like that,
that friend I had in high school,
it when I was the only one, oh my
gosh, there's Krista, oh hey girl.
Oh, you wanna go shopping tonight?
Oh yeah.
But then if there was other people around,
I was like pushed aside, I was made fun
of, I was talked about behind my back.
I mean, she doesn't say that she has
any kind of relationship with her.
(33:01):
Right.
So it sounds like they just are
completely different personalities.
okay, so she says.
I didn't even reply.
I just left a couple
days before the wedding.
I texted her and said
I wouldn't be coming.
Kept it short.
Told her I wasn't feeling well,
and wished her a beautiful day.
She called me immediately flipping out.
See, it's like now she wants her there.
(33:22):
She wants that body there.
Yeah, because it looks bad if
she doesn't have her sister.
Like why doesn't she mm-hmm.
Have that person?
She said I was being selfish
making her wedding about me, and
that I ruined everything over.
One little comment.
Now my parents are mad too.
Apparently I'm the bad guy.
The fact that her parents didn't even
(33:43):
back her up or be like, Hey, maybe
don't, say that about your sister.
yeah, it's problematic because
it sounds like this other sister
gets her way quite a bit like.
she's like the life of
the party kind of thing.
And she probably like, not sneaky here
and there, but she just like makes light
of all the situations to get a laugh.
the parents are probably
like, oh, it's fine.
Like, you know, your sister,
but that doesn't make it okay.
(34:04):
because you're used to certain
patterns or someone's behavior
does not mean that it is okay.
poor girl.
Yeah.
I think too, if the other
sister's the golden child, 'cause
she's like, well liked quote
unquote, and like very outgoing.
Maybe she's more friends
and gets out and does stuff.
They kind of put her on
this pedestal, right?
So like whatever she does can go, but
(34:24):
I'm like, can't you see your other
daughter is like suffering right now?
And like mm-hmm.
I
don't
know.
That would be
really, and it's funny that you
said what the sister said was.
Oh, I can't believe, like,
did you say she's making it
about herself or something?
Like you would think she would apologize?
Mm-hmm.
Like, I'm sorry, but I didn't
hear an apology at all.
It was all about like,
yeah,
yeah,
no.
(34:45):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, because she doesn't care.
I keep replaying it all
like maybe, did I overreact?
I don't know.
But also I was already struggling,
and then to be laughed at like
that in front of everyone, it
just broke something in me.
I couldn't fake it.
I couldn't go and pretend
everything was fine just to
protect her perfect day, honestly.
I always talk about protecting your
peace and if someone's gonna bully you
(35:07):
and say something like that to you.
Yeah.
It's like you have to.
I feel like she was doing
the opposite, honestly.
Mm-hmm.
She wasn't making it about herself.
She's like, I'm gonna excuse myself
from this because if I go, I risk
the chance of being humiliated again.
Maybe someone comes up to me
and says, Hey, that speech was
really funny from your sister.
Mm-hmm.
Or, Hey, how's that whole you
(35:27):
know, like there, it gives people
permission then to keep going.
Yeah.
I'm proud of her.
Good for you for standing
your ground lady.
Yeah.
I agree.
And it's like, complicated,
all this stuff.
Again, we're only seeing and hearing
one side, if the sister were to write
in, I'm sure she would say, right.
I did, I did apologize.
It was just a joke.
Mm-hmm.
And anyone that, even if it was just
(35:49):
a joke, right, if someone's calling
to you and saying, your joke hurt
my feelings and you can't apologize.
You're the problem That is a problem.
Mm-hmm.
Because like even if I were to be like,
make a joke to you right now, and I
could tell it hurt your feelings, I'd
be like, oh, I'm sorry I was Yeah.
Joking at me in that way.
Like, I would never want to hurt
someone's feelings that I care about.
Mm-hmm.
my thing is something that I've learned
(36:09):
to do for, just in general, when someone
does make a joke that to me is not funny.
instead of standing my ground
or like defending myself,
I'm like, why is it funny?
tell me why that's funny.
And then they're like, oh, and then they
feel because they realize like, oh, I
was actually being an asshole, or I was
kinda being a bitch about the situation.
No, I've actually heard that a lot and
I've had to do that a couple times.
(36:30):
When people say sexist or racist
things, I go, I don't understand.
Tell me why.
That's funny.
Oh, yeah, that's what I mean all the time.
I'm like, oh, why is that funny?
Tell it's funny.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I actually had do that not that long ago.
Someone was making a joke and
I was like, I don't understand.
And then they like didn't know
what to say because then when
they have to break it down, they
realize how d offensive, ignorant.
(36:52):
Yeah.
Whatever.
Yeah.
and I think people learn then not
to say stuff around me and like, I
just don't put up with it anymore.
Yeah.
Good for you.
The world's full of enough
hate, like I need to make it
clear where I stand and I, yes.
Joke like that.
Chris is a girl's girl,
everyone, so always love.
Yeah.
we don't make sexist or
racist jokes around here.
(37:14):
Yeah.
Is that how the kids do it now?
Yeah.
Wait, how is it this?
No.
Oh gosh.
Wait.
Oh, this.
I can't even do that.
Yeah.
If you guys are just listening,
we're trying to do this.
Girl.
I'm just gonna stick the T Swift part.
I know
my
daughter, she does this because T
Swift,
so she, I love
it.
It's funny, like the thing about
(37:35):
ask your kids to hold up a phone.
Mm-hmm.
my daughter started playing with,
like pretending to do phone calls.
She has a fake phone.
Yeah.
Phone.
She goes like this.
She goes, and she'll be
like, she's like, hi, spidey.
Hi.
It's me.
Bye.
I love that.
I'm like, oh my gosh, what happened?
(37:56):
This,
I'm still
like, like the rotary?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
My parents had a rotary in their room
growing up and I'd be like, oh my gosh.
Those
things were so
fun to play with.
I know.
They were fun.
I kind of wish we still
had house phones, to be
honest.
I keep telling Matt, my husband
that we need a house phone back.
Yeah, there's like pros and cons.
(38:16):
Like, I like being able to have a phone,
like when we go on a walk or I don't know.
We are driving somewhere.
Right, sure.
It's like safety reasons, I think
I've told you this before too, 'cause
like you've apologized like, oh sorry.
And I'm like, Yvette, you
never have to apologize.
You're busy.
I get it.
Like I never want someone to think
that like this is a walkie talkie
and that like when I text you,
you have to respond right away.
Like, I'm not summoning you.
(38:37):
But I feel like there's like
this, power phones have over
us where we feel like, ah.
Someone texts me like, I
need to get back to them.
And like, Zach has that where he's
like, if I don't text them back,
I feel like I'm letting them down.
I'm like, people will live.
if it's not an urgent request,
you can give it a day or two.
And isn't that crazy how
that seems long for a text?
yeah, for me it takes me
ages, so I'm like, whatever.
(38:59):
But yeah, I hate my phone.
I feel like we just need to like, put
our phones away as soon as we get home.
don't use 'em at the same time.
I'm addicted to them, I
hate texting because I like.
Connection with people and texting is so
impersonal that I'm like, I don't like it.
I would much rather do this FaceTime
you call you, even like hear your voice.
(39:20):
I would much rather prefer that I'm
like old school when it comes to that.
Yeah, I agree.
I don't wanna tell big news
or hear big news via text.
And so I feel like, especially
like with you, I feel like we'll
catch up sometimes I'd rather like
really catch up like in person and
like have our, deep one-on-ones.
'cause I'm like, texting.
How's it going?
Is for like acquaintances?
Yes.
(39:41):
Like, hey, how's it going?
Oh, how's everything?
Okay, great.
It feels so not real.
And I'm like, wait.
Yeah.
I wanna talk to you.
I wanna see you.
I miss you.
Yeah,
yeah, exactly.
Let's go beyond the surface.
yeah, yeah.
Okay.
There's a little bit more of the story.
okay.
It says, now she isn't talking to me.
It's been a few weeks.
No apology, nothing.
(40:02):
Just silence.
I keep wondering if I should have just
sucked it up and gone for the sake
of family peace or avoid the drama.
But at the same time, I know how
low I felt after that dinner.
I know how hard I worked to just
show up that night, like you were
saying, and then to have her turn me
into a punchline, like my pain was
entertainment and the worst part,
I'm the one everyone's upset with.
(40:23):
My parents say I embarrassed the
family that I should have put my
feelings aside for one day, but
no one's asking how I felt being
laughed at in a room full of people.
No one's asking how hard
it was to just be there.
I don't know what's gonna happen with us.
Maybe we'll talk
eventually, maybe we won't.
That makes me really sad.
It's so hard
because I see both sides a little
(40:44):
bit now because it is your big day.
You want your sister, but like,
if that would've been the case,
then you would've apologized and
you would've been like, I'm sorry.
You would've said, I'm sorry.
And try to mend the relationship so that
your sister could go to the wedding.
But I'm on her side, you
should not feel bad about this.
(41:05):
I'm so proud of you again,
for standing your ground.
And like you said, they no longer
have any ammo to keep doing this
to you because now everyone can
recognize like, oh no, she's serious.
and good for you.
there's this thing, the Let Them theory
or like the book, let them, yeah.
And it's a little like,
just let them, that's okay.
And they'll live.
You'll live.
And hopefully in the future, if it's
(41:27):
supposed to be fixed, it will be fixed.
And I hope that you get your
apology, but you might not.
But what I hope for most is that
you can forgive your sister which
takes a of work, but you don't
need an apology to forgive someone.
But if you don't forgive someone.
It's gonna be eating at eu, that
other person's gonna be living their
(41:49):
life not even thinking about it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And that's why you're the professional.
Yeah.
I'm just here to chat.
And you like guys, Yvette
is, an official, like you
are official.
I got my certificate in the mail.
I'm like, yay.
Yes.
What's your like, official title
for everyone that's listening?
Licensed professional counselor.
(42:10):
So she can give actual advice.
I mean, I'm sure like there's
stipulations that you can't give.
Yes.
You're right.
Like this is general.
I
actually can't give advice.
I'm more like, you go
girl, what are we doing?
What are you In general?
Yeah.
they're not your client.
You're just giving your professional.
Yeah.
I love that.
Because I can listen to this story, right.
And I can be like, I know what I
would do in certain situations, right?
(42:32):
Well, one, I wanna be the
little sister that would bully.
I would never call someone out like that.
Yeah.
but yeah, I get what you're saying too.
It's like I've been the people
pleaser before too, where you
just suck it up and you attend.
It is more complicated when
it's a sister versus a friend.
Like, yeah, 100%.
If a friend treated me like
that, I'd be like, I don't
think I can go to the wedding.
I mean, everything's so complicated.
It's like Right.
(42:52):
The whole story.
We don't know the details.
We're not her.
And the fact is that she
made the best choice for her.
And right now it's gonna be hard looking
back and being like, did I overreact?
Why do they all act like
I'm the villain now?
Because I didn't show up.
But in reality, she stuck it to
like, I mean, she really held
from on her boundaries, which
not a lot of people can say.
(43:13):
I don't think I would've been that strong.
Yeah.
Someone did that to me.
I'm like, trying to think if, only taking
this information right here, I probably
still would've gone to the wedding.
And I would've probably gone.
That's the people pleaser coming out.
And I am, that way too.
And it's funny that I say that 'cause I
don't think, I really don't, I feel like
you say, oh, I used to be such a people
(43:33):
pleaser, but I've seen you work so hard on
your boundaries, like setting boundaries
and being like, I know your boundaries.
So I know like, I don't wanna say like
what I can get away with or what I
not, but like I know what's acceptable
and what's not acceptable, around you.
And I respect it even more for that.
What
boundaries do I have that
you
can't do around me?
Um, oh no.
Uh, I feel like with, not really with me.
(43:55):
I just
Respect your privacy, respect that
you're protective over your daughter
and it makes me respect you more, but
also with like, family dynamics or
like friend, you know what I mean?
Like different kind of things.
Like you're firm in that and
I'm like, I love you for that.
So that's, yeah.
Yeah.
I always try to say like, I'm a recovering
people pleaser, I'm better saying like,
no to things or like, I know right off
(44:17):
the bat, if Zach's like, oh, we were
invited to this and this, and I'll be
like, that doesn't sound like something
that would interest me, or I wanna spend
my time doing, like, we were talking
today about valuable friendships or
like where we wanna spend our time.
Right?
and this is not to sound in a certain
way, but like, if it's, let's say
it's like an old friend of Zach's
that I never met from years ago.
It's like, let's catch up and get dinner.
(44:38):
I'm like, you go have fun.
Like you take all night.
Do your thing, I'll stay home.
for me, that's just, I'd rather be home.
But if it's like, let's catch up with our
good friends and like have a date night.
Yeah.
I'm in.
Yeah.
So it's like really like spending time
of what's gonna bring you joy cause I
feel like a lot of times in my twenties,
I would just say yes to things because
someone would invite us and we'd go Yeah.
(44:59):
And I'd be like, I wanted to stay
home and I didn't listen to myself.
Yeah.
And now I'm just like,
no, I wanna do this.
Or yeah.
I feel like it's just we have
to listen to those gut feelings
'cause they're there for a reason.
yeah.
That's good.
Yeah.
I think I say something else.
You were saying something else and I
was like, oh yeah, that's a good point.
I think too well, yeah, about
like boundaries and stuff.
(45:20):
Like, so many times people think like if
you have a boundary, you're like rude.
And I think that's what I
told myself this whole life.
When I was younger, like I
didn't know what boundaries were.
Right?
And I thought, like if people
said no, like you're rude, like
they're gonna talk bad about you.
But in reality, like if you just say
things respectfully or you just carry
yourself in a certain way, people then
just kind of like learn is okay with
(45:41):
this person or just don't, say this
around this person or that kind of thing.
Like,
back to what I said, I think when
you start to implement boundaries in
your life, it equals respect because
people recognize like, oh, they respect
themselves enough to like stand up
for themselves, that it makes them.
Hopefully respect them, and if
not, like, then they're cut off.
(46:01):
You know what I mean?
But essentially, like what
it does is it builds respect
Because yeah, I think if this happened
to me in my twenties or something,
whether it was like my sister or a
friend of mine or something, right.
I think I would've gone, and then I
would've like let it eat at me and
I would've just held onto this, like
you said, it would just affect you.
Like you would just hold onto it.
(46:21):
And then like every little thing they
would do would probably make me mad
or I would just hold onto this grudge
and it would probably just be bigger.
and yeah.
'cause there were friendships I
held onto for a long time that
were like, they were awful to me.
I can still think about
all the things I did.
And then literally, it was like one
day in my like mid twenties, I was just
like, I'm not gonna call that person.
And then they didn't call me and it was
just kind of just like, yeah, hard time.
(46:43):
after her kind of describing
how she all felt after it.
I don't blame her one bitch.
She knew what she needed to do to
protect her peace in that moment, and if
I were her, I won't expect An apology.
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't sound like the
sisters want to apologize if she
can't see why you're hurt now.
Unless she grows a lot
over the next, year or so.
Maybe
it'll happen, you know, that there's
(47:04):
gonna be some kind of conversation in
the future about this, your sisters,
yeah.
Yeah.
It's not
happen.
It's complicated.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
That was a crazy story, and that was sad.
Sometimes they end and they're sad, and
I'm just like, I make these skits online
and they're so like, drama filled and
they're entertainment, but like, deep
down, a lot of these stories, there's
(47:25):
so much like heartbreak and hurt.
Like I make them in an entertaining
way that's like goofy characters.
Right, right.
But there's so much heartbreak and
hurt in a, all of these stories that
it's just like to go through this.
Like, I don't know how some
of these people go through
these things and just move on.
Like how family members are
terrible to them and they have
to like show a brave face.
I don't know how they do it because
(47:45):
I feel very lucky that I've never
had to deal with something like
super intense, like these stories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same.
I don't think I've had anything
too crazy like that either.
I can sit here and at my life
and complain about this, this,
and that, but in reality, no.
Like.
My parents, my extended family, my
immediate family, my husband, my in-laws,
(48:06):
they're actually really good to me.
really lucky.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's awesome.
All right, let's end on some
weekly confessions here.
I've been on a high note.
I mean, we'll say these confessions
(48:26):
go, but we can, I know you're fine.
Okay.
my husband's mom walked around,
I'm guessing at their wedding,
telling everyone she wasn't
taking pictures with me.
I
Why?
What bit, why deliberately do that though?
You just want someone to ask questions.
Like, why, why don't you like her?
Yes.
She's evil.
(48:47):
what is it?
Momzilla?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm. Monster in-law.
Monster.
That's what it is.
why are they like that?
this one says, I wish I'd had the guts to
tell my bestie not to bring his attention.
Seeking girlfriend.
Oof.
That's complicated.
That's complicated.
Complicated.
We'll leave it at that.
Yeah.
(49:08):
I just read a story.
I think it's coming out in a well, by
the time your episode comes out, it'll
already be out, but it's a similar story.
Well, I mean, this one's really short, but
where it's like a guy, girl best friend.
They like say best friends for years
through marriage and like kids.
Mm-hmm.
on her side, marriage and kids.
And then when he goes to get married,
it's like a girl that like hates her
(49:28):
and it's like this weird relationship.
And so like, I feel like that's
complicated and it's like, hmm.
Okay.
Last confession.
My flower girl was absolutely
out of control at my wedding.
Her parents did nothing.
Watch your kids.
Ugh.
I get that.
Like a kid's gonna be a kid.
Sure, but you gotta watch your kids.
(49:50):
a kid's gonna be a kid, but
the parent has to be a parent.
Like you wanted a kid,
you gotta parent the kid.
That's one of the biggest things I see
is like the kids aren't the problem.
It's when the parents don't
watch the kids at the wedding.
That's the problem.
all circumstances, right?
It's like.
I could go to a restaurant with my
child and she could pick up like a box
of creams and just throw it all over.
(50:11):
And I just look at them.
I'm like, whatever.
She's a kid.
Or I'm like, no, we're
gonna get on the floor.
We're gonna pick 'em up.
Right, right.
And so it's like showing her, was just
telling my husband, like, we were at
the library and like I don't want this
to come off like I'm judging because
we've all been in situations where
like, we've left a place and we're just
like, wait, did I pick up whatever?
But like, we were at the library
and this little boy's just throwing
(50:31):
stuff, like literally throwing
there's like a crate of toys.
He's in there throwing it.
The mom's like kind of
around, kind of on her phone.
Phone, yeah.
Walking around.
and then she finally sees him and I'm
there with like my friend and our, kids
and we're like reading a book to them.
And he's throwing stuff.
It's like hitting the girls and
I'm like just kind of grabbing it.
I'm like, oh, ha ha.
Like trying to make light of it.
She walks over, finally sees him and
(50:53):
she's like, oh, you made a mess over here.
So I'm thinking she's gonna sit there
and be like, this is how we clean up.
All of a sudden they're just gone
they're on the other side of the
library, so they're still there.
Like, Hey, you got this, or
Thank you.
Literally it was like, you're fine.
And then like a minute later, then he's
like pulling books off the shelves and
he was like old enough to know better.
Like it wasn't like a one or 2-year-old.
Yeah, and so it was one of
those things where I'm just
like, kids are gonna be kids.
(51:14):
Absolutely.
Like I would never fault a kid for like
throwing stuff or like pulling books
off, but it's like, take that risk step.
So that is kind of the risk you
have with having a flower girl, but
also like the parents are there.
Yeah.
Step in a little bit.
Yeah.
And moving forward your next wedding.
No, but like, just a tip for other people
is like having guidelines for the parents.
(51:35):
Like, Hey, she's a little young.
could you, like, if you see her maybe
like doing this or that, could you
kind of redirect her and help her out?
That would be like a good
conversation to have.
Yeah.
Definitely.
All right.
Well that is all we have for this week.
what exciting things do you want to share?
what's going on?
I'm going to Norway.
(51:55):
I'm so excited for you.
You knew that.
Yeah.
If you didn't know that, I did know that.
That'd be really bad.
Thank you so much for coming on.
It's always so funny.
You know, it's fun.
this was like three months
Oh, you came on last fall.
Remember?
Yes.
Before you even
had a podcast.
Yeah, we
got this last year.
We like did it in the future.
(52:16):
all right, well, I guess this is it.
Thanks for having me.
How do we say goodbye?
I'll see you soon in person.
Can't wait.
Oh, yeah.
I'll see you next weekend.
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