May 27, 2025 • 47 mins
Does it matter how a couple first meet? The Debate Team breaks down what to look for in longevity, the perils of partnership, the questions the matter, the circumstances that don't, where friendship belongs on the must-haves, the qualities to look for, and much, much more. Plus, why you should never mix red and white wine!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is pod popular podcast for the People, the Great
Love Debate.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Hi again everyone, It's Brian how We welcome to The
Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship
podcast since twenty fifteen. We are back here in the
lovely studios of Pod Populi Podcasts for the people. My
guests say who I'm going to bring in for in
a minute. She just looked outside and I said, I
forgot somebody's name, and she said, he looks like a
(00:39):
Richard And I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I don't know if that's a compliment.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I don't know if somebody would want to look at
me and say I look like a certain thing.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
But before I bring her in, we like to raise
a lot of questions here at The Great Love Debate.
We are curious people. Everything we do here is driven
by curiosity. And I noticed that when people meet another couple,
or when they meet somebody who's newly in a relationship
or who've been in a relationship for a while, the
first question that people always tend to ask is how
(01:09):
did you guys meet? And I always thought that that
was that was not a question that I would ever ask,
because I don't care how they met. But people seem
to think that their answer is somehow going to trigger a.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Light bulb in them to be.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Like, that's how people meet, or they're looking for something very,
very exotic. I mean, if I'm going to ask that question,
I want something like we fought over a parking space
and you know, something happened. I always want a cute
meat or I want an angry meat or whatever. And
so as we get into it, more and more relationships
are starting with well, we met online, which isn't a
(01:42):
bad thing. It's just as it seems kind of dull.
Even in the New York Times Vows section, they always
have a very hopefully cute meat story, but every once
in a while they'll they'll throw one in there. It's
just like we met through friends. And I always want
a little bit more than that. I want a little
bit more out of my couples. I want more or detail.
I want more information. So somebody who shares this curiosity.
(02:05):
She started a podcast called Elevate Love. It is I
think one woman's quest to get to the bottom of
all things happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And she's here today. I lured her into the great
love universe? Are you eleven? How are you hi?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Good? What a very smooth introduction.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I what do you think we do around here? Yeah,
it's very smooth introduction.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
What what's a nice guy girl like you doing in
a in a tawdry business of love and relationships?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
What sparked this curiosity one day?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
One day? Well? I do love that like how you
met story? Right?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I like to know, And yes, it is becoming more
and more online and it's kind of like, oh, I
thought he was cute.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
But do you get disappointed if you get a they
were my next door neighbor?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Like you're wanting a better answer, right, I.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Mean, I don't know what what.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Are you hoping for when you ask that question?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
I like the interesting story is like I slapped him
across the face and then it was like you noticed
me and it was like, I don't know, we started
making out after.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Us or something.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Good public service announcement. That's not the way people meet.
That's not the right road to go down. I don't
know what kind of bars you're going to or kind
of parties could happen?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Something like really crazy happened, but right, yeah, I want
something crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
We all do, and that's why there's there's a level
of disappointment when that story.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
You know, we're almost being.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Judged on the how versus all of the other questions
why what, and how did you get to fall in love?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Like those really rarely have anything to do with how
people met, but we always think we got to start
at A and see how we got to Z.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So should we start at Z?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
No? I don't know. I'm not saying you're wrong to
ask that, and we've just been doing it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
It's I don't know if it's habit or laziness or
it's it's a non offensive question. It's not like when
are you guys gonna have kids, which could be an
affectious question.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
So it's a question that.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
You've been to one of my live shows, I ask
everybody where they went to high school. It's a question
that most people have an answer to. How you guys
met is an answer that all couples have an answer to.
So it is a starting point for a conversation. Was
that the starting point for a podcast? So you started
a podcast wanting to know the how?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Yeah, well it started off podcast because a couple different reasons.
One is, my parents have a really great relationship and
their communication is amazing and on all that stuff, they've
been married like thirty seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
It's it's awesome.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Well, I realized, like when I started getting into relationships, like,
not all communication is that way, and not all relationships
are what you see on TV either or all these
other things.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Right, So I was like, oh, this is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
No one gives you a manual on how to date
and how to have a relationship and you just do that, and.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Your parents might set an unreasonable standard for these fine
young fellows.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
High standards yr Yeah, yeah, very It's.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Like yeah, you're chasing that, yeah, which is hard or
like in my house, Oh my god, I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
You know, the example that you see every day could
go a bunch of different ways. But you're like, Okay,
I know their story. You want to see how many
other stories are similar?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Well, so I wanted to Like so then I was like,
they have a really beautiful one. I've been around a
lot of couples that have beautiful, loving relationships, and then
I started realizing that not all couples have beautiful everything
loving relationships. That's like a tongue twister, right, And I
realized that there's like some couples that just yell and
scream at each other, and I'm like, why are you
in a relationship? Like is this really enjoyable for you?
(05:33):
So that's kind of where this all has.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Like they don't ask themselves that question. A lot too enjoyable,
is like.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Isn't our relationship so just to be enjoyable.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You would think, I mean I or working towards enjoyable
or at least enjoyable adjacent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Yeah, I think a lot of people don't. And we
talked about that. I think on the last podcast or
podcast ago. I don't think it's question. A lot of
people ask themselves. A lot of people like can it
get to this? Or it's this, but it's not that,
And they don't look at is this enjoyable?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Am I happy? You know?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Is this something that fulfills me? Is my life better
because this person is in it?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah? Yeah it should be.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean you should both be enhancing each other, you
should both be having fun every day together. I mean,
obviously you have some downs and then you get pass
those downs to get to the other side.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
The up, which is amazing.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Are most people happy to share about their relationship or
does it depend on how strongly they feel about the relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
This is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Actually, when I ask a couple, hey, like, you guys
would be a great couple to have on the podcast,
Like I really like to know where about your story,
the wife's always like.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, let's do it. I'm in like let's go.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And then a few days later I'll get a text
message from them like, oh, you know what, my husband's
just not comfortable sharing about the story.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Yeah, I'm most guys, Yeah, I don't know why that is.
That's an interesting So the question that they're afraid to
be asked is what are these married people.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Married couples that are happily have really.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Maybe they don't want to share the secret sauce because
then somebody could duplicate it and steal their wife away.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Is it in security? Is it shyness? What is it?
Speaker 4 (07:15):
It's almost like they don't want to get too personal.
They don't want to share like their private it's.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
A little too vulnerable with a really bad one, they
might be they might be afraid.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
You know, the men when you go to a wedding, I.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Love the dudes who are super ballsy with the vows
and they they love to say it, they're so excited whatever.
A lot of guys aren't like that. My cousin just
fainted on the altar. He just passed out, part dehydration
from being hung over from the night before and part nervousness.
It was like he was not comfortable being loving and
eloquent in front of an audience. That might be a
(07:54):
little bit that that women tend to talk more, not
to be stereotypical, but so what we do around here,
our whole business is built on stereotypes.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
About talking about emotion.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Because her friends are going to ask her the feelings
and the stuff a lot more than his friends. His
friends are pretty much gonna be like, is she hot,
does she have any friends?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
So this might be one of the first times he's
ever had to express how he feels and why and
what made them get to this place.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
So it's interesting.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
I just had this conversation actually today with somebody about
the ego and a guy's ego, Like guys, girls, everybody's ego, right,
we all have this ego, and for guys it's just
like that they don't want to express it too much
because they don't want to be called something that they
don't want to be called.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What what don't they want to be called? And you
can say whatever you want. What's the word.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
They're trying to refriend pussy.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
They don't want to be called a pussy because they
have feelings for her. Yeah, they need to fucking get
over that.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah. No, but I'm saying, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Bride over pussy fellas.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, I think that could be it like just but
I think you would grow out of that.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I think your joy is something people would envious and
if they call you a bussy, fuck them, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I mean I agree with you. Yeah, I'm not disagreeing.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
I think right, if you have the feelings, express them,
don't try to guess, don't try to like sugarcoat anything.
This is who I am, This is what I would
like to do for you and show it to you.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
See, I would think if I went up to any
because I've wanted to do this. We're recording this in Florida,
and I always imagine Florida to be riddled with old people.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Out having breakfast. Well, I don't know where the old
people are not coming out anymore. Where are they there?
Speaker 3 (09:35):
DELI around here where there's much and just go up
to them and start an interviewer. I've been trying to
do this podcast for like two years. I don't see this.
What do old people travel in?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
A gaggle? Is that what's called a gaggle of old people?
A flock?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
A gaggle?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I like, like, I've heard you know where.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I tried to go into a senior community and they're like, Nope, COVID,
you can't come in. So and find out where, because
I'm curious about that too. The ones who have been
married for forty fIF fifty sixty years, those couples though,
they really didn't know any other way because of the expectations,
so they made it work.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It's almost like the the the.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Arranged marriage couples. They're they're not like what else could
I have? They're like, this is it, and we're going
to figure out a way to make it work.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
So originally I started my podcast out that way. I
wanted to interview the couples that have been together the
longest because I thought, oh my gosh, these beautiful, loving relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, well they're together out of habit a lot of time.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, a lot of people or they've been together since
they were eighteen, so like why to get divorced at like,
you know, sixty, you know, like at that point whatever,
they're like, I know this person so well. But so
I started noticing that it's not always about like the
longevity of the relationship, it's about how strong that relationship is.
(10:50):
So it might be just like two years, but you
might have this incredible two year relationship with somebody, but.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Then you got to be careful of what I call
roman candle relationships where they go hard and fast early
and then they.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Burn out after two years.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yes, So the sweet spot is getting into that sort
of when you're still a boyfriend, girlfriend or husband wife
before you've segued to mom and dad, because that's a
different thing. And that's more of the ones who've been
together three to five years. So they're definitely serious enough,
they're definitely committed. There's no question there each other's wedding
(11:26):
dates and holidays and all that kind of thing, and
where they're at, how they got to this point, how
their relationship works. Those aren't always as easy to find though,
because they're now like wearing a sign walking around at
Costco and like, we've been together four years.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
There's no clock on the head. You assume the old
couple's been together for a while.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, no, for sure, I would hope or maybe.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
He's like, nah, it's my third wife.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
It could be no judgment. Yeah, yeah no.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
But I've also noticed, like some couples that have also
been together like four years or whatever, they might have
like really good communication and you can see that that
relationship is going to have longevity, that they are not
going to mess this up.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
They are going to be together forever.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
We should be better communicators now, because we talk about
communication more.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm not sure we are. I'm saying we should be.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
There's a hump that I think couples get over where
they have learned how to communicate and again, guys, you're
gonna piss her off and she's gonna flip and you
have to learn how to ride that wave. But there
is sort of this sweet spot in a relationship that's
I don't know, in the five to eight year range,
three to five in there where you learn each other's
rhythms and you learn the expectation, and you learn their
(12:43):
triggers and you learn all those things that should be
the point where our relationship should be. We have a
pretty good handle on who we are and who we
want to be as a couple, but I don't know
how we I mean, how do you go about finding
couples that you want to talk to?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Is it just you cast a big net and whoever
you can reel in.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's so weird.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
It just maybe coming up in conversation or somebody will
just reach out to me and like, hey, I have
this really great couple.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Can you talk to them? And yeah, it's it. They
just I don't know they've been finding me lately.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Have you talked to ones that you're like, oh my god,
they should be divorced.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
They think it's so good.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Not yet, but that would be a very awkward conversation
to have.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Well, I mean, I you know, I know some.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Marriage counselors and I know some other professions that are like,
I can't believe these STU people are the last two
people to find out they shouldn't be together, you know,
like this will not work out and she does not
see it and he doesn't recognize it, and oh my god,
what is wrong with these two?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
So it's working out? Yeah, And it also don't see
that it's not working.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Blind leading the blind. Yeah, I guess so. I think
that's fine as long as you as like you do it.
But once you get this pool of answers that will
somehow trickle down to your own life, you think you
will more learn what to do or more learn what
not to do.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
So for myself, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm trying to learn
more of like what not to do, I guess, or
what to do I don't know, a little bit of both.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Couple share that more. They're like, we learn to not
do this.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I learned what she does not like because that's probably
or he does not like. I think that is the key.
We spend a lot of time thinking about what the
other person likes. I think you got to learn how
to avoid the potholes and the land mines.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Well, isn't there a lot of things that people don't like?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I mean, there's a lot of things, but there's also
a lot of things that people didn't like previously, and
they might this might not bother them anymore because it
might be absorbed into a bigger tapestry of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
I got to bring this back up to your your
thing where you talk about the dating profiles, right, and
you don't list about things that you don't like or
you don't so why are you we going to the negative?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Why don't we stand that I'm saying no, that is
to get into the relationship. Once you're in the relationship,
gay positive, you should learn pretty quickly what are they doing?
And I'm again they do notts and the and the cannot.
That might change.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Over time, so let me just grow out of that,
or it might make different.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
But yeah, you shouldn't lead with that, but it's still
an important formula. If somebody's like, oh my god, I
hate fireworks because of you know, they bother my ear drums,
or I think they're stupid, Like I think they're stupid.
They look exactly the same as they did twenty years ago,
they're fifty years ago. They're all the same. You've seen all,
you've all. You drag your lawn chair out in a
(15:30):
buggy field on the fourth of July.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
It's not that fun.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You don't want fireworks on my engagement. I'm just scaled
to you.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I wouldn't want fireworks on engagement. They're mean to dogs anyway.
I don't know how I've got it.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
I think though, that carefully you find out where these
land mines are in a relationship. You don't bring them
up on the first date. You don't focus on the negative.
But I think you got to know because it would
be it would be amazing to be.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Traveling with somebody somewhere and they, you know, can't stay
on the same all of fondue, I don't know, yeah,
or something like, I think you got I think it's
part of a conversation, would you like what he don't like?
As you get deeper in a relationships, so again, don't
lead with it, don't lead.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
With this bag of things.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
But once you're in a relationship, I think what makes
a good relationship is learning to avoid situations that are
going to cause conflict or strife or anxiety or and
I think a lot of good couples know how to
stay out of the ditch, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, why would you want to put
yourself into that into the ditch?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
A lot of times you don't know till you're lying
in the ditch though, you're like, I don't know what
happened there, she's really mad.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yeah, I want to stay out of the ditch, you.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Know, And a lot of things are triggers of prior
relationships that don't work.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, you know, that didn't work well.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
And a lot of people bring their old baggage into
other relationships.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And they doing at the front door. Is jealousy a
factor in relationships?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
When two people are comfortable and happy with each other,
that shouldn't come up.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Jealousy should not be an issue. It should be such
the person one hundred.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Per and you trust how they feel about you.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yes, right, Jealousy should never be an issue.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
It should never be an issue. And I think happy
couples don't have that.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
Yeah, and that's what all of my couples have said.
They trust the other person. Now it's not even trust,
but it's their best friend. They could tell anything to.
They could tell them if somebody was you know, like
if they were flirting with another or if this guy
was flirting with them at a you know, like a
dinner party or whatever. They would tell the couple that,
like the spouse, you know, I like it. You share
(17:29):
that with your best friend and then you laugh about it,
or you're like, hey, my wife is hot, damn good,
I'm glad she was getting some flirting action over there.
I'm going to now flirt with her more at home, right,
Or you don't get jealous of the other guy, or
you don't get jealous of the situation.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Right are you? Are you look at all the other
people appreciate it?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Or you look around and be like you know that
and you find the worst person room and be like
that's the pool. You know, that's that's plan B. And
I think you can laugh about it. I think happy
couples can laugh about this stuff. And they're not really
looking for somebody else. They're looking for what they have.
We're looking for a lot more. We got to take
a quick break because we have to pay for things
around here, but we will be back right after this.
(18:13):
We are back, and I have ari Il Levitt here,
host of Elevate Love. She's a redhead, as we say
around here, many many times we notice the blonde, but
we remember the redhead.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Do you get questions about that about my red hair? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Or do you get judgment about it? Do people expect
a certain personality that comes with the redhead?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I think there are expectations that come with the redhead.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
They expect you to be wild and crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, or it's slightly angry. No, is there a temper?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh, I mean, last one to know, I didn't think
I was a temper.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
I mean they just I keep getting the you're must
be really wild and crazy, Like.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Do they lead with that?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Sometimes it's like it's, yeah, please, don't.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Don't lead with that as crazy as I imagine you
to be.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah, don't lead with that. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Or if you do something kind of little out of character,
ooh you're a redhead.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Oh man, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Have you had any gay couples on your show yet?
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I have?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Is there a difference because I've brought this up, We've
done gay many gay live shows. The things that bother
a couple of gay men in a relationship are not
the same things. They're not nearly as bothered by other.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
People in jealousy as all that as straight couples are.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's different.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
But again, that couple that I brought on also they
have that trust right, so they're not that jealousy thing
that doesn't exist.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Right in the relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
But they had, like I think, same as every other couple.
Like one doesn't put the salt shaker back exactly where
they want it, so they get a.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Little like tistered, You get a little tift about what tift?
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Is there an adjective in couples? Is there a a
through line that you find in most good couples is trust?
The word is honesty? Like what is the lead word
in couples that are seen to be working things out?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
This is my best friend, This is my best friend.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Yeah, that's what I keep hearing over and over again,
that this is my best friend.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I hear that too. Something I don't agree with you.
People say that too, They say I want to date
my best friend. I think you want your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband,
wife to turn into your best friend. I don't think
you want to start with them as your best friend.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I think that's a very good point you just brought up.
And I think it depends also on who you are,
Because for me, I am If you want to call
it Aquarius like I mean, I am an Aquarius.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
If you want to call.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It like another your water sign. Yeah, but if you
like it's that February.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
January in Jenny, your fervory whatever, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Close, close, I'll give it to you.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
For me, I want to believe in love at first
sight and I want to believe in all that stuff.
And here I have a podcast about love at first sight, right,
But for me, I don't think I could do love
at first sight. I could do lust at first sight.
I could do that type of stuff at first site,
But love at first sight. I need to get to
know that person. I get to need to trust them.
I need to become friends with them. I needed buddy
(21:26):
buddy with them before I can before.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, I think lust has a better chance of turning
into love than friendship.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I don't trust the person. That's my problem.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Like, I can have a good time with somebody with
lust and all that other fun stuff, right, but I
need to, Like, you need to stimulate my brain a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
You need Yeah, but that's not necessarily your best friend's
job either your best friend's job. I don't know if
your best friend is brain stimulation. Your your best friend
is about sort of sharing and laugher and all that kind.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Of feeling comfortable with that person, right.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Feeling comfortable with that person. But it's a different kind
of comfort, you know. I don't know if you're cuddling
with your best friend.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Well, you also want that sexual attraction that's.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Not even sexual though, that's more about intimacy. There's an
intimacy level with somebody you are dating or in a
relationship with that is different from best friend. I think
the best friend thing comes second. I think the walls
come down and then the friendship happens, versus the friendship
happens and then the walls come down.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I could be wrong on this.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I highly doubt that I'm wrong on this, but I
think that's it. I think if you lead with the
best friends, you're taking a lot of the spark out
of it because you're almost too comfortable, and relationships should
be built on nervous energy and excitement, in anticipation and
a lot of those things. That best friend is almost
too routine. Those older couples that you talked about, they're
(22:49):
in that best friend zone. I'm not entirely sure that's
the place to be. I think you eventually, as your
relationship grows, the friendship gets closer. I don't think it's
as the friendship grows the relation relationship gets closer.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Yes, I agree, you have to knock down those walls
and then build up friendship.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
You have a lot more boyfriends and girlfriends in your
life than you do best friends. Yes, it's harder to
get to best friend. So starting with best friend is.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, you can't really start with best friends because you
might have.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Three best friends in your life at different phases. Some
people have their best friends since they were four years old,
and that's my best friend and one hundred boyfriends and girlfriends.
You know. Yeah, but I think you're right. I think
the core and the fundamental tenets of friendship bode well.
(23:40):
You know, for a partnership, partnership is probably better than
friendship in terms of the approach to it. This is
a uh And I always make that joke at our show.
People are like, I'm looking for a partner. I'm like
form an LLC. That's not romantic enough. But that's just
a joke. I do believe that our mission here, our
(24:02):
project here, our business here is this relationship. And rather
than looking at it like a lot of people look
at the relationship the way they would look at a child,
and they nurture and grow it.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
That's not quite right.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
You need to look at it to an endeavor, a mission,
and we are going to go through the ups and
downs and face the challenges and devote the resources to
it to make it survive.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And thrive and good to where we wanted to go.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Maybe that's a little too analytical, and that's hard to
go into it because you're just basically I just want
to see somebody who's cute and they make me.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Laugh, and then you go from there.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
But I think that the outlook of it, if you
pull it back to five thousand feet and how do
we look at me and you and us and where
we're going. I think that people have to look at
it like you do this, and you I do this,
and we bring this and together. This thing that we
have together in this Petrie dish is growing and it's
(24:53):
getting stronger and healthier, and that's I think if you
pulled down the layers on a lot of happy couples,
I think that's what's in there.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
And friendship is one of the ingredients in that dish.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah, no, no, I agree. I agree.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
And I also think allowing each person to be who
they are, because when you start coming in and trying
to like change that person, or not even change them,
but like not really allow them to be the person
you are that you fell in love with, right.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I agree, But I think who we are is somehow
shaped by the fact is that's who we were without you,
and there's a chance that with you we would change
or feel better about ourselves or pivot or grow or
do something because they finally felt comfortable enough to be
a new version of themselves. And a lot of men
(25:44):
get to the point, and a lot of women will
put this on them to like, you know, when you're
dating a guy.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Who's forty six, who is who he is, who he.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Is, and he doesn't want to change him and he's
gonna he's gonna wear his Ben Roethlisberger jersey on dates
and that's his I don't know about that. I think
if you can create an environ where his confidence can
be refreshed or he can get a new perspective.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
On things, then you really are find.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Who they really are, not who they were them and
accepting them.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I'm not sure that we're not about trainable. I think
we are trainable, but I think malleable to new situations.
You know, a lot of people are like, you know,
I don't want to take cruises, and then suddenly you
meet somebody who's the greatest person in the world to
take a cruise on, and then you love cruises or
I don't like to hike, or I don't like seafood
or anything, and then somebody is opening up new horizons.
And I think that happy couples are willing to take
(26:39):
adventures together. If there's your one person, you're like, I
like to scuba dive and the other person doesn't, and
the other person just simply doesn't want to. They're not
required to get their gear out and dive in the
ocean with you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
But if there's the sense of adventure that you get
out of that you find a way to channel that
or divert that into something that the other person likes,
then you're sharing the stimuli as much as the activity does.
That makes sense, Yeah, you seem so you're like, no,
he needs to scuba dive and that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
No, I think it's I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
I'm listening to what you're saying, and I I think.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
And so when you peel back the layers of these
relationships and how they feel about each other, there's a
handful of fundamental ingredients that usually they stimulate each other,
they're attracted to each other, they trust each other. They
they feel like this is the person meant to be
with me in this moment or in this situation or
(27:38):
in this lifetime.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I think that all matters.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Yeah, and I think that's why somebody feels comfortable growing
as who they are, but within the cup, within the
relationship too, Yeah, right, because you're in the safe zone.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
It's got to be an awful feeling to feel like
you're in a wrong life, like you're in a marriage
situation that is not the one you should be in.
And a lot of people stay in that because they
can't see the one they should be in, or.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
They're scared to face what could else could be?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Right, it's easier to get door number two, right, the devil,
you know.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Yeah, yeah, it is a lot of people. You know,
look at the game musical chairs. A lot of people
would rather have a bad seat than no seat. It's
a scary situation to just kind of.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Leave.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But these people that hopefully you're talking to when you're
elevating love have come to that fork in the road
or they've stared at that, and they're like, this is
where I should be, this is who I should be with,
and we're going to do everything we can to take
this relationship where we want to go and grow with
it and face life. Together like that, that is what
(28:49):
you're looking to do. This is the person I'm supposed
to be with.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I also don't think relationships should be work. I feel
like everything else should be work. Challenges you face through
together as a couple, that could be work, But the
relationship itself should not be work.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
No, no, I you know, I hear that a lot,
and I agree with that. Sometimes work might be the
wrong word, because a relationship should require effort, and it
should require caring, and it should encounter some difficulty and
(29:35):
these are all ingredients of work, I think. But you
should work at something you love, hopefully. I think the
work connotation should be like, this is a struggle. I
think struggle is the is the or challenges. I think
that is if it feels like work, If it feels
(29:56):
like something you have to devote eight hours a day to,
it's something you're unhappy.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
You're right, Well, the parachute, Yeah, how many how many
times have you heard when you ask the couple like
give me a marriage device or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Just work at it every day.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Yeah, you shouldn't have to work. You should.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, it shouldn't be a it shouldn't be you know,
an hour and a half on the treadmill. I feel
like that you shouldn't be working your ass off in
a relationship five days a week to have a good
Tuesday and a Friday.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Yeah, I know. Some people say that's the key, and
people say that's so.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
I mean, I guess if that makes them happy, But
is that really making them happy.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
It seems like you're putting effort you're not getting you're
not getting the match back in return for the effort.
If you're putting a ton of effort back and you
get a little bit of positive feedback on it, that's
a that's about that's a bad ratio.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I need balance.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's the emotion and the caring and the time and
the thought and all of those things that you're putting
into it. Those are elements of work, I suppose. But
if you're putting those into it and then what you're
getting back is giant paycheck. I mean, if you want
to use the work analogy, you're getting a huge reward
back that work doesn't feel like work. So you want
(31:08):
to have a you know, you want to have one
of those people who are like, I never worked a
day in my life. They're still putting in the time,
but the reward they're getting back out of the relationship
is fundamentally the same thing as that.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I think I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Is there something Is there a question that either you're
waiting to ask or an answer that you're waiting to get.
Is it like I'm going to ask a thousand people
this question and they're secretly in the back of your head.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
I'm trying to find this needle in a haystack? Are
you looking for the law?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Are you hoping for love at first sight or when
you get it because you don't necessarily believe in it?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
I mean, I believe in it for other people, not myself.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Are you disappointed when you hear the As soon as
I saw him, I knew No.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just think it's fascinating. I just interviewed this couple
that he literally saw her in a bar and said,
I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Marry that woman. I've heard a lot of stories later
they're married.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I agree with those series.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Some of that is revisionist history. Some of that is
they assigned an emotion or a thought back to the
initial encounter, which may have not matched there. So maybe
they're like, oh, looking back, I should have known, and
I did feel certain things and I didn't know what
they were. I hear way too many of.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
The I saw your mother and I knew it.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
You know, God bless you, I think, but sometimes I
think it's almost like a deja vous feeling. It's like,
oh yeah, when I think back of when we met
and then I knew this, not this was the one if.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Because half the time the guy's like, I don't even
know she'll say hello to me.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, but I want to go to like that energy level, right.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Oh, I agree, yeah, and that connection that click. You know,
we're huge fans of that around here, where it's just
like if you feel something in a moment, there's no
reason to, you know, say check please at nine o'clock.
You keep that thing going as long as you can.
I know a lot of people who like our first
date was six days, and.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I love those stories.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
I was like, they didn't see a need to artificially
stop the wave, and they just wrote it and they
ride it for a long long time. It's just like
I felt stuff in this moment, in this place with
this person that I knew was really really special and rare,
and I didn't feel a need to just be like, no,
I'll pause and I'll get back to this because it's
hard to get back to that feeling once you find it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
And I think it should be that way.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
I think it should be so rare that when you
feel something in the moment, you're like, I want to
see how far I can take this, and hopefully you
take it sixty years.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That'd be amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I know that would be amazing. It So, is that
the answer that you want to hear?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Like, I know, back to that question. I know it's
a weird question, but is there secretly a an answer
that you are you looking for your parents and these
other people so you understand them better or you don't know.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
I don't think there's actually a search that I'm going on.
I really just enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
All a search. We have to have a purpose.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I do have a purpose, but I enjoy listening to
the couples because I feel like there's always something that
you can learn from somebody.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
We are constantly evolving people.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
And I enjoy every all the new things I get
from each couple, and it's different every time, and I
enjoy that. I like that I find something different. I'm like, oh,
you know what, maybe I'll take that into my relationship,
or I would use that, or I should be more
like that.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Right, But you are taking this information and you're keeping
it for yourself like you want.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I'm sharing it on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I get it. But I had a reporter I got
interviewed for.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Nightline the ABC when the Late Night I went a
couple years ago, and we stopped filming, and the reporter
goes to me, she goes, this whole thing is really
about you, isn't it. And I was so startled that
she asked me that, not that it wasn't true, but
that it was apparent to another person. And I'm like, kinda,
I'm like, all these questions that I ask, they're mostly
about me trying to get answers that will not just
(35:13):
benefit me, but will make me understand things on a
level that I don't know. I think curiosity, but who's that.
I think if you ask enough questions of these couples, though,
that those answers will translate into a skill set that
is going to behove you for your marriage and for
the rest of your life. I would think, yes, yes,
it's not as much about the answers, it's about you
(35:36):
asking the questions. I think the exercise of you being
curious about this ultimately will make you ask questions of
yourself your partner in your relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
One hundred percent. There you go. You know you have a.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Celebrity couple that you're like, I want to talk to them.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
There has been that I've I've actually reached out to
a couple of people like and I'm like, oh, there,
but you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Know what in your name names like somebody like you
know what them?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
No?
Speaker 4 (36:00):
No, no, I mean I've I reached out to it.
I don't know I should I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Oh, come on, is there one that you're like, They're
a couple that I've studied in the wild and I
want to talk to them?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Well, I mean just a couple that I've met.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Maybe that she's you know, has her own following and
different things I have like Susie Moore. I have a
couple other ones that I think they're great, their relationships
are wonderful, very positive people and hopefully have them on
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
There and it doesn't necessarily The one catch to all
this is somebody who is in a good relationship for
twenty years with one person doesn't automatically make that person
better at.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Being in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
They might just be in the perfect situation with that
person who's able to create this environment where that person
can flourish. Because I've heard you had people all the time,
but like you know, whether they're dating coaches or matchmakers,
something like you should listen to me. I've been married
for twenty five years, and I'm like, not another person
in the world would marry you besides that person. And
I don't know what you're dealing. So it's not just
(37:02):
like look at us. The good couples, I think cannot
clearly answer why that. They're like, you know what, I
don't know that intangible is the key to everything that
they can name eight things of the ten that really
makes it work in the last two because they're not
quite sure. I think that's where the life is in
the relationship. I think the two unknowns, that intangible that
(37:24):
you know, Gennessee Quah and it that mystery ingredient. I
think that's where the answer really lies, and it'd be
hard for anybody to get there, which is good.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Mystery's good.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
I love mystery. Yeah, everybody, you need a little mystery
in life, right.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I think I mean, life is a mystery, all right,
to answer one mystery here?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
I was actually going to circle back around that question.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
But yeah, circle back.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Okay, it's for a second and then we can go
to the mystery. But I think you're right. Okay, if
I'm going to be totally honest and raw, no lie
to everybody, raw and vulnerable right now, I would say
I've always grown up like I love romantic movies. Right,
everybody loves a bachelor, but it loves the bacherette. I
was like always kind of secretly wanting to go on
one of those shows. And I at the time, I
(38:09):
was in a relationship, a long relationship.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I'm not gonna go on.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
Then I got out, and you know, you go into
the things, and by the time I don't even know
who this bachelor is anymore, Like I'm out of it.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Whatever I don't need.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Well, now I feel like I guess I've secretly created
my own bachelorette show.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yeah, I think you're right. See, you got to the
bottom of the answers here. All right, this is your
first time on the podcast. As you may or may
not know, we play something called worst date or first Date,
which means you have to give us either the worst
date you have ever been on or the absolute greatest
first date you've ever been on, your choice.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I guess I could go with worst date, right, Why
not an audience favorite worst date? Worst date was? I
was supposed to go meet up this with this guy
on Hinge.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
It's a little complicate.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
We're gonna there's a couple elements this story we're just
gonna talk about for a secon it. But as I guess,
am I supposed to say the app by the.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Way, okay, okay, people like Hinge.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Okay, Hine is great.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
So anyways, I said, hey, do you want to grab
drinks at eight o'clock tonight? He goes, oh, sorry, I can't.
So we're texting. We're having some good banter. He's like,
how about now, there's a PUBLICX. I don't know if
everybody knows, but PUBLICX is but super which.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Is the world's greatest supermarket mostly in the Southeast.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
Yes, exactly, And there's a bar at Public So I
was like, oh, really, like this is new.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Okay, I'm game.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
I'm down for trying it. Why not, Like I'm a yes, Like,
let's try something fun and different. So let's go get
a drink at publics the supermarket. Okay, so I but
there's only one. It's called a Greenwise public. So it's
some more organic natural.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
It's like, it's like the whole foods of publics. It
is sorry publics.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
So he's like, hey, do you want to go to
the Greenwise? And I was like, oh my gosh, I
know where. And he sends me the address and I go,
I know where green Wise is, Like why do you
have to send me the address? Come on, I've born
and raised in Boca, I know. So he made a
joke that he's going to bike there or run there
or something. I was like, oh yeah, and I could
be there in like ten minutes. I thought we were
just joking a few minutes later he texted me I'm here.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Where are you.
Speaker 4 (40:11):
I was like, oh my gosh, I could be there
in thirty minutes. I got a run home, shower, change
and get over. So I do the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I get to the green Wise on time. I walk in.
I'm so excited. I'm proud of myself. I text and
I'm like, I don't know where the bar is, Like
what is he talking about?
Speaker 4 (40:26):
That?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
There's a bar here.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
I text him and I'm like, hey, just letting you
know i'm here, and he goes and I look at
the address and I realize I'm at the wrong one.
There's a new one that just opened up. But me
trying to be all cool, and I'm like, I'm from Boca.
I know where to go. Like, that's so rude that
you would text me the address. So I'm like, you
know what, since they're close and nearby, I can be
there in ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So I rush over.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
We get there and he's like, hey, since you're like,
screwed this up, and I'm like, I know, my bad,
my bad. He's like, first rounds on you. I said, okay,
all right, whatever, that's fine, and I.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Was gonna but I was going to kind of off it.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Too, because so we get there and it's a wine
bar and there's beer and everything whatever. So we're sampling
different ones and then finally I'm like, okay, I'm just
gonna get like a Charnay and he goes, okay, cool,
I'm going to get a pina Noar and a Charnay.
And I'm like, wait, what two drinks?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
I thought this is?
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Were they flights or they were actual drinks, like a
glass of each.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
And plus it's a red and white so if you
are a wine.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
Drinker, yeah weird, Yeah right there, Okay.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
It was an homage to you with your red hair
and yeah, white skin, a tribute.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
So I was in such shock that he ordered two
drinks for the first round. I didn't know we were
double fisting this.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
So I'm staring kind of at him and I'm just
like the look on my face and he turns to
me and he goes, you know, you got the first round,
and I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll just pay for
this and leave pretty much, because at that point I
was just wow, if you drink red and white at
the same time, I don't know, this will definitely.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Poor taste, poor manners, bad etiquette, bad choice of first date.
Places like the grocery store.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I mean not saying people do go to like Whole Foods.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I just think there's weird lighting with the bar in there,
and not really how drunk can you get?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I know, I mean I coul get drunken shop around.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Maybe I could go look at some produce, like, I mean,
there's ways you.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Could take this, I suppose, but I gotta go feel
some melons, you know, I don't know. I mean it
is weird, banana. There are a lot of things can
actually be kind of funny.
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Not a bad day.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yeah, the guy was right.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
If he ordered two whites, would you still be with him?
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Damn Merlow and Merleau.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
Yeah, a white and a red ordered the same time, right,
he didn't like pour him into one glass.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I didn't know what he was doing with them. I
was going to see if this is an sign experience?
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Did you ask? You'd be like, are you parched?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
I wouldn't even get the words out because I was
so shocked that he ordered a red and a white.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, that's bad on a lot of levels. Yeah, he
would mismatch the furniture in your kid's rooms. Yes, it
would be terrible parachute. Yeah. Yeah. If that's the worst
date you've ever had, that's not bad. That's not a
good date.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
It's not a good No, thank god, I haven't had
like a terrible date.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
But it's not good.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
It's not great.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
No, it was just like and then' oh and then
I was trying to figure out how fast I could
get out of this date and what's the appropriate time, right,
because I'm like, well, I would like to leave now,
but I can't just leave him here with two glasses.
I have one, So I'm just like sucking them sipping
on my drink.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I don't suck sucking on my beverage.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Okay, yeah, some sipping on my wine. And I'm like, okay,
it's got to be like at least almost an hour
at this point, and he's only finished like one.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I'm like, he has a whole nother one to go.
This is crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Oh so he wasn't alternating SIPs, no for.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
That, Okay, we'll a little bit.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
But he had this big watch on right yeah, And
I looked at it. I'm like, wow, only fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Has gone by, hanging there like staremaster time.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Yeah, And I was like there's no way. So I'm like, okay,
how much longer? Maybe like fifteen minutes past my finished drink.
I don't want to order another one. I want to
get out of here as fast as possible. So I
look again at his watch like a I don't know.
I felt like fifteen more minutes later or more thirty
minutes later, had it moved. I'm like, time is not
(44:24):
standing still with this guy, there's no way.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
It's not that wonderful.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
Yea.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
So finally I did like one of those I think
my phone is ringing, Oh, let me just grab it.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
I look, and it's way past the time I'm allowed
to leave. So I just said to him. I was like, oh,
you know what, I have the dinner plans because this
is earlier. Oh and I found out why he couldn't
meet me later at eight o'clock was just because he
didn't want to. Oh yeah, he was just like, I'd
rather stay in and do nothing.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
And then he wanted to continue hanging.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Out with which not a free drink, He just want
two free drinks.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, that's not a good Dan.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
It's not a good d But you are we're recording now,
like you grew up with then you went to high
school within like ten miles of here.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah, how often do you run into somebody went to
high school with? Does that happen?
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Not as often you as you think it would do.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
Guys from high school are like, hey, you're still I'm
still here? Do you get any of that you go
into the reunion because.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
I kind of avoid that.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
I know, but are there people that find out you're
still in because there must this lovely place, so there
must be quite a few people who either stuck around
here or who, as you say, boomerang back to this place?
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Do they circle back with you? Like I always liked
you in the ninth grade? You want to go out
for a red and a white.
Speaker 4 (45:35):
Let's gonna be the new pickup line line?
Speaker 1 (45:39):
No? Actually, surprisingly not? Which is is okay with you?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Send up a flair and let all right? Where can
everybody listen to your podcast? Plug your podcast and other things?
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Thank you? Thank you?
Speaker 4 (45:51):
It's Elevate Love. It's on Spotify, iTunes, all the above,
everywhere you listen to a podcast, And you couldn't follow
me on Instagram at l love dot XO and I
love to just hear what's going on with you so
that we can chit chat and what you loved about
something about the episode, So feel free.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
To dm me. I enjoy it. Yeah, I enjoyed connecting you.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
She has the XO. All right, this was fun. You
were good. You're too bad?
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Right as far as us and Elevate Love, please review
our podcast, Elevate Love and all the podcasts. Your reviews
mean a lot, But don't be a dick. This isn't yelp.
You know, if it's Yelp, save all your complaints for Yelper.
Trip Advisor, keep them off the podcast reviews. Shoot us
an email Great Love Debated gmail dot com. We have
a listener letters episode coming up. Send us those letters
(46:38):
Great Lovedebated gmail dot com because, as always at the
Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you
next time.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
It's the Great Love Debate, a great love debate.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
It's a great love to bab
This is pod popular podcast for the People, the Great
Love Debate.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Hi again everyone, It's Brian how We welcome to The
Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship
podcast since twenty fifteen. We are back here in the
lovely studios of Pod Populi Podcasts for the people. My
guests say who I'm going to bring in for in
a minute. She just looked outside and I said, I
forgot somebody's name, and she said, he looks like a
(00:39):
Richard And I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I don't know if that's a compliment.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I don't know if somebody would want to look at
me and say I look like a certain thing.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
But before I bring her in, we like to raise
a lot of questions here at The Great Love Debate.
We are curious people. Everything we do here is driven
by curiosity. And I noticed that when people meet another couple,
or when they meet somebody who's newly in a relationship
or who've been in a relationship for a while, the
first question that people always tend to ask is how
(01:09):
did you guys meet? And I always thought that that
was that was not a question that I would ever ask,
because I don't care how they met. But people seem
to think that their answer is somehow going to trigger a.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Light bulb in them to be.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Like, that's how people meet, or they're looking for something very,
very exotic. I mean, if I'm going to ask that question,
I want something like we fought over a parking space
and you know, something happened. I always want a cute
meat or I want an angry meat or whatever. And
so as we get into it, more and more relationships
are starting with well, we met online, which isn't a
(01:42):
bad thing. It's just as it seems kind of dull.
Even in the New York Times Vows section, they always
have a very hopefully cute meat story, but every once
in a while they'll they'll throw one in there. It's
just like we met through friends. And I always want
a little bit more than that. I want a little
bit more out of my couples. I want more or detail.
I want more information. So somebody who shares this curiosity.
(02:05):
She started a podcast called Elevate Love. It is I
think one woman's quest to get to the bottom of
all things happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And she's here today. I lured her into the great
love universe? Are you eleven? How are you hi?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Good? What a very smooth introduction.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I what do you think we do around here? Yeah,
it's very smooth introduction.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
What what's a nice guy girl like you doing in
a in a tawdry business of love and relationships?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
What sparked this curiosity one day?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
One day? Well? I do love that like how you
met story? Right?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I like to know, And yes, it is becoming more
and more online and it's kind of like, oh, I
thought he was cute.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
But do you get disappointed if you get a they
were my next door neighbor?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Like you're wanting a better answer, right, I.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Mean, I don't know what what.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Are you hoping for when you ask that question?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
I like the interesting story is like I slapped him
across the face and then it was like you noticed
me and it was like, I don't know, we started
making out after.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Us or something.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Good public service announcement. That's not the way people meet.
That's not the right road to go down. I don't
know what kind of bars you're going to or kind
of parties could happen?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Something like really crazy happened, but right, yeah, I want
something crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
We all do, and that's why there's there's a level
of disappointment when that story.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
You know, we're almost being.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Judged on the how versus all of the other questions
why what, and how did you get to fall in love?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Like those really rarely have anything to do with how
people met, but we always think we got to start
at A and see how we got to Z.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So should we start at Z?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
No? I don't know. I'm not saying you're wrong to
ask that, and we've just been doing it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
It's I don't know if it's habit or laziness or
it's it's a non offensive question. It's not like when
are you guys gonna have kids, which could be an
affectious question.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
So it's a question that.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
You've been to one of my live shows, I ask
everybody where they went to high school. It's a question
that most people have an answer to. How you guys
met is an answer that all couples have an answer to.
So it is a starting point for a conversation. Was
that the starting point for a podcast? So you started
a podcast wanting to know the how?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Yeah, well it started off podcast because a couple different reasons.
One is, my parents have a really great relationship and
their communication is amazing and on all that stuff, they've
been married like thirty seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
It's it's awesome.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Well, I realized, like when I started getting into relationships, like,
not all communication is that way, and not all relationships
are what you see on TV either or all these
other things.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Right, So I was like, oh, this is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
No one gives you a manual on how to date
and how to have a relationship and you just do that, and.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Your parents might set an unreasonable standard for these fine
young fellows.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
High standards yr Yeah, yeah, very It's.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Like yeah, you're chasing that, yeah, which is hard or
like in my house, Oh my god, I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
You know, the example that you see every day could
go a bunch of different ways. But you're like, Okay,
I know their story. You want to see how many
other stories are similar?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Well, so I wanted to Like so then I was like,
they have a really beautiful one. I've been around a
lot of couples that have beautiful, loving relationships, and then
I started realizing that not all couples have beautiful everything
loving relationships. That's like a tongue twister, right, And I
realized that there's like some couples that just yell and
scream at each other, and I'm like, why are you
in a relationship? Like is this really enjoyable for you?
(05:33):
So that's kind of where this all has.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Like they don't ask themselves that question. A lot too enjoyable,
is like.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Isn't our relationship so just to be enjoyable.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You would think, I mean I or working towards enjoyable
or at least enjoyable adjacent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Yeah, I think a lot of people don't. And we
talked about that. I think on the last podcast or
podcast ago. I don't think it's question. A lot of
people ask themselves. A lot of people like can it
get to this? Or it's this, but it's not that,
And they don't look at is this enjoyable?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Am I happy? You know?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Is this something that fulfills me? Is my life better
because this person is in it?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah? Yeah it should be.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean you should both be enhancing each other, you
should both be having fun every day together. I mean,
obviously you have some downs and then you get pass
those downs to get to the other side.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
The up, which is amazing.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Are most people happy to share about their relationship or
does it depend on how strongly they feel about the relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
This is really interesting.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Actually, when I ask a couple, hey, like, you guys
would be a great couple to have on the podcast,
Like I really like to know where about your story,
the wife's always like.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, let's do it. I'm in like let's go.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And then a few days later I'll get a text
message from them like, oh, you know what, my husband's
just not comfortable sharing about the story.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Yeah, I'm most guys, Yeah, I don't know why that is.
That's an interesting So the question that they're afraid to
be asked is what are these married people.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Married couples that are happily have really.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Maybe they don't want to share the secret sauce because
then somebody could duplicate it and steal their wife away.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Is it in security? Is it shyness? What is it?
Speaker 4 (07:15):
It's almost like they don't want to get too personal.
They don't want to share like their private it's.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
A little too vulnerable with a really bad one, they
might be they might be afraid.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
You know, the men when you go to a wedding, I.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Love the dudes who are super ballsy with the vows
and they they love to say it, they're so excited whatever.
A lot of guys aren't like that. My cousin just
fainted on the altar. He just passed out, part dehydration
from being hung over from the night before and part nervousness.
It was like he was not comfortable being loving and
eloquent in front of an audience. That might be a
(07:54):
little bit that that women tend to talk more, not
to be stereotypical, but so what we do around here,
our whole business is built on stereotypes.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
About talking about emotion.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Because her friends are going to ask her the feelings
and the stuff a lot more than his friends. His
friends are pretty much gonna be like, is she hot,
does she have any friends?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
So this might be one of the first times he's
ever had to express how he feels and why and
what made them get to this place.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
So it's interesting.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
I just had this conversation actually today with somebody about
the ego and a guy's ego, Like guys, girls, everybody's ego, right,
we all have this ego, and for guys it's just
like that they don't want to express it too much
because they don't want to be called something that they
don't want to be called.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What what don't they want to be called? And you
can say whatever you want. What's the word.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
They're trying to refriend pussy.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
They don't want to be called a pussy because they
have feelings for her. Yeah, they need to fucking get
over that.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yeah. No, but I'm saying, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Bride over pussy fellas.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, I think that could be it like just but
I think you would grow out of that.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I think your joy is something people would envious and
if they call you a bussy, fuck them, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I mean I agree with you. Yeah, I'm not disagreeing.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
I think right, if you have the feelings, express them,
don't try to guess, don't try to like sugarcoat anything.
This is who I am, This is what I would
like to do for you and show it to you.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
See, I would think if I went up to any
because I've wanted to do this. We're recording this in Florida,
and I always imagine Florida to be riddled with old people.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Out having breakfast. Well, I don't know where the old
people are not coming out anymore. Where are they there?
Speaker 3 (09:35):
DELI around here where there's much and just go up
to them and start an interviewer. I've been trying to
do this podcast for like two years. I don't see this.
What do old people travel in?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
A gaggle? Is that what's called a gaggle of old people?
A flock?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
A gaggle?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I like, like, I've heard you know where.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I tried to go into a senior community and they're like, Nope, COVID,
you can't come in. So and find out where, because
I'm curious about that too. The ones who have been
married for forty fIF fifty sixty years, those couples though,
they really didn't know any other way because of the expectations,
so they made it work.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It's almost like the the the.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Arranged marriage couples. They're they're not like what else could
I have? They're like, this is it, and we're going
to figure out a way to make it work.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
So originally I started my podcast out that way. I
wanted to interview the couples that have been together the
longest because I thought, oh my gosh, these beautiful, loving relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, well they're together out of habit a lot of time.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, a lot of people or they've been together since
they were eighteen, so like why to get divorced at like,
you know, sixty, you know, like at that point whatever,
they're like, I know this person so well. But so
I started noticing that it's not always about like the
longevity of the relationship, it's about how strong that relationship is.
(10:50):
So it might be just like two years, but you
might have this incredible two year relationship with somebody, but.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Then you got to be careful of what I call
roman candle relationships where they go hard and fast early
and then they.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Burn out after two years.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yes, So the sweet spot is getting into that sort
of when you're still a boyfriend, girlfriend or husband wife
before you've segued to mom and dad, because that's a
different thing. And that's more of the ones who've been
together three to five years. So they're definitely serious enough,
they're definitely committed. There's no question there each other's wedding
(11:26):
dates and holidays and all that kind of thing, and
where they're at, how they got to this point, how
their relationship works. Those aren't always as easy to find though,
because they're now like wearing a sign walking around at
Costco and like, we've been together four years.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
There's no clock on the head. You assume the old
couple's been together for a while.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, no, for sure, I would hope or maybe.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
He's like, nah, it's my third wife.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
It could be no judgment. Yeah, yeah no.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
But I've also noticed, like some couples that have also
been together like four years or whatever, they might have
like really good communication and you can see that that
relationship is going to have longevity, that they are not
going to mess this up.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
They are going to be together forever.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
We should be better communicators now, because we talk about
communication more.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm not sure we are. I'm saying we should be.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
There's a hump that I think couples get over where
they have learned how to communicate and again, guys, you're
gonna piss her off and she's gonna flip and you
have to learn how to ride that wave. But there
is sort of this sweet spot in a relationship that's
I don't know, in the five to eight year range,
three to five in there where you learn each other's
rhythms and you learn the expectation, and you learn their
(12:43):
triggers and you learn all those things that should be
the point where our relationship should be. We have a
pretty good handle on who we are and who we
want to be as a couple, but I don't know
how we I mean, how do you go about finding
couples that you want to talk to?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Is it just you cast a big net and whoever
you can reel in.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's so weird.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
It just maybe coming up in conversation or somebody will
just reach out to me and like, hey, I have
this really great couple.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Can you talk to them? And yeah, it's it. They
just I don't know they've been finding me lately.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Have you talked to ones that you're like, oh my god,
they should be divorced.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
They think it's so good.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Not yet, but that would be a very awkward conversation
to have.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Well, I mean, I you know, I know some.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Marriage counselors and I know some other professions that are like,
I can't believe these STU people are the last two
people to find out they shouldn't be together, you know,
like this will not work out and she does not
see it and he doesn't recognize it, and oh my god,
what is wrong with these two?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
So it's working out? Yeah, And it also don't see
that it's not working.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Blind leading the blind. Yeah, I guess so. I think
that's fine as long as you as like you do it.
But once you get this pool of answers that will
somehow trickle down to your own life, you think you
will more learn what to do or more learn what
not to do.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
So for myself, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm trying to learn
more of like what not to do, I guess, or
what to do I don't know, a little bit of both.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Couple share that more. They're like, we learn to not
do this.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I learned what she does not like because that's probably
or he does not like. I think that is the key.
We spend a lot of time thinking about what the
other person likes. I think you got to learn how
to avoid the potholes and the land mines.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Well, isn't there a lot of things that people don't like?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I mean, there's a lot of things, but there's also
a lot of things that people didn't like previously, and
they might this might not bother them anymore because it
might be absorbed into a bigger tapestry of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
I got to bring this back up to your your
thing where you talk about the dating profiles, right, and
you don't list about things that you don't like or
you don't so why are you we going to the negative?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Why don't we stand that I'm saying no, that is
to get into the relationship. Once you're in the relationship,
gay positive, you should learn pretty quickly what are they doing?
And I'm again they do notts and the and the cannot.
That might change.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Over time, so let me just grow out of that,
or it might make different.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
But yeah, you shouldn't lead with that, but it's still
an important formula. If somebody's like, oh my god, I
hate fireworks because of you know, they bother my ear drums,
or I think they're stupid, Like I think they're stupid.
They look exactly the same as they did twenty years ago,
they're fifty years ago. They're all the same. You've seen all,
you've all. You drag your lawn chair out in a
(15:30):
buggy field on the fourth of July.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
It's not that fun.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You don't want fireworks on my engagement. I'm just scaled
to you.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I wouldn't want fireworks on engagement. They're mean to dogs anyway.
I don't know how I've got it.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
I think though, that carefully you find out where these
land mines are in a relationship. You don't bring them
up on the first date. You don't focus on the negative.
But I think you got to know because it would
be it would be amazing to be.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Traveling with somebody somewhere and they, you know, can't stay
on the same all of fondue, I don't know, yeah,
or something like, I think you got I think it's
part of a conversation, would you like what he don't like?
As you get deeper in a relationships, so again, don't
lead with it, don't lead.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
With this bag of things.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
But once you're in a relationship, I think what makes
a good relationship is learning to avoid situations that are
going to cause conflict or strife or anxiety or and
I think a lot of good couples know how to
stay out of the ditch, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, why would you want to put
yourself into that into the ditch?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
A lot of times you don't know till you're lying
in the ditch though, you're like, I don't know what
happened there, she's really mad.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yeah, I want to stay out of the ditch, you.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Know, And a lot of things are triggers of prior
relationships that don't work.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, you know, that didn't work well.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
And a lot of people bring their old baggage into
other relationships.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And they doing at the front door. Is jealousy a
factor in relationships?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
When two people are comfortable and happy with each other,
that shouldn't come up.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Jealousy should not be an issue. It should be such
the person one hundred.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Per and you trust how they feel about you.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yes, right, Jealousy should never be an issue.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
It should never be an issue. And I think happy
couples don't have that.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
Yeah, and that's what all of my couples have said.
They trust the other person. Now it's not even trust,
but it's their best friend. They could tell anything to.
They could tell them if somebody was you know, like
if they were flirting with another or if this guy
was flirting with them at a you know, like a
dinner party or whatever. They would tell the couple that,
like the spouse, you know, I like it. You share
(17:29):
that with your best friend and then you laugh about it,
or you're like, hey, my wife is hot, damn good,
I'm glad she was getting some flirting action over there.
I'm going to now flirt with her more at home, right,
Or you don't get jealous of the other guy, or
you don't get jealous of the situation.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Right are you? Are you look at all the other
people appreciate it?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Or you look around and be like you know that
and you find the worst person room and be like
that's the pool. You know, that's that's plan B. And
I think you can laugh about it. I think happy
couples can laugh about this stuff. And they're not really
looking for somebody else. They're looking for what they have.
We're looking for a lot more. We got to take
a quick break because we have to pay for things
around here, but we will be back right after this.
(18:13):
We are back, and I have ari Il Levitt here,
host of Elevate Love. She's a redhead, as we say
around here, many many times we notice the blonde, but
we remember the redhead.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Do you get questions about that about my red hair? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Or do you get judgment about it? Do people expect
a certain personality that comes with the redhead?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I think there are expectations that come with the redhead.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
They expect you to be wild and crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, or it's slightly angry. No, is there a temper?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh, I mean, last one to know, I didn't think
I was a temper.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
I mean they just I keep getting the you're must
be really wild and crazy, Like.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Do they lead with that?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Sometimes it's like it's, yeah, please, don't.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Don't lead with that as crazy as I imagine you
to be.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah, don't lead with that. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Or if you do something kind of little out of character,
ooh you're a redhead.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Oh man, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Have you had any gay couples on your show yet?
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I have?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Is there a difference because I've brought this up, We've
done gay many gay live shows. The things that bother
a couple of gay men in a relationship are not
the same things. They're not nearly as bothered by other.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
People in jealousy as all that as straight couples are.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's different.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
But again, that couple that I brought on also they
have that trust right, so they're not that jealousy thing
that doesn't exist.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Right in the relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
But they had, like I think, same as every other couple.
Like one doesn't put the salt shaker back exactly where
they want it, so they get a.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Little like tistered, You get a little tift about what tift?
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Is there an adjective in couples? Is there a a
through line that you find in most good couples is trust?
The word is honesty? Like what is the lead word
in couples that are seen to be working things out?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
This is my best friend, This is my best friend.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Yeah, that's what I keep hearing over and over again,
that this is my best friend.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I hear that too. Something I don't agree with you.
People say that too, They say I want to date
my best friend. I think you want your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband,
wife to turn into your best friend. I don't think
you want to start with them as your best friend.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I think that's a very good point you just brought up.
And I think it depends also on who you are,
Because for me, I am If you want to call
it Aquarius like I mean, I am an Aquarius.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
If you want to call.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It like another your water sign. Yeah, but if you
like it's that February.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
January in Jenny, your fervory whatever, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Close, close, I'll give it to you.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
For me, I want to believe in love at first
sight and I want to believe in all that stuff.
And here I have a podcast about love at first sight, right,
But for me, I don't think I could do love
at first sight. I could do lust at first sight.
I could do that type of stuff at first site,
But love at first sight. I need to get to
know that person. I get to need to trust them.
I need to become friends with them. I needed buddy
(21:26):
buddy with them before I can before.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, I think lust has a better chance of turning
into love than friendship.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I don't trust the person. That's my problem.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Like, I can have a good time with somebody with
lust and all that other fun stuff, right, but I
need to, Like, you need to stimulate my brain a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
You need Yeah, but that's not necessarily your best friend's
job either your best friend's job. I don't know if
your best friend is brain stimulation. Your your best friend
is about sort of sharing and laugher and all that kind.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Of feeling comfortable with that person, right.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Feeling comfortable with that person. But it's a different kind
of comfort, you know. I don't know if you're cuddling
with your best friend.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Well, you also want that sexual attraction that's.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Not even sexual though, that's more about intimacy. There's an
intimacy level with somebody you are dating or in a
relationship with that is different from best friend. I think
the best friend thing comes second. I think the walls
come down and then the friendship happens, versus the friendship
happens and then the walls come down.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I could be wrong on this.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I highly doubt that I'm wrong on this, but I
think that's it. I think if you lead with the
best friends, you're taking a lot of the spark out
of it because you're almost too comfortable, and relationships should
be built on nervous energy and excitement, in anticipation and
a lot of those things. That best friend is almost
too routine. Those older couples that you talked about, they're
(22:49):
in that best friend zone. I'm not entirely sure that's
the place to be. I think you eventually, as your
relationship grows, the friendship gets closer. I don't think it's
as the friendship grows the relation relationship gets closer.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Yes, I agree, you have to knock down those walls
and then build up friendship.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
You have a lot more boyfriends and girlfriends in your
life than you do best friends. Yes, it's harder to
get to best friend. So starting with best friend is.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, you can't really start with best friends because you
might have.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Three best friends in your life at different phases. Some
people have their best friends since they were four years old,
and that's my best friend and one hundred boyfriends and girlfriends.
You know. Yeah, but I think you're right. I think
the core and the fundamental tenets of friendship bode well.
(23:40):
You know, for a partnership, partnership is probably better than
friendship in terms of the approach to it. This is
a uh And I always make that joke at our show.
People are like, I'm looking for a partner. I'm like
form an LLC. That's not romantic enough. But that's just
a joke. I do believe that our mission here, our
(24:02):
project here, our business here is this relationship. And rather
than looking at it like a lot of people look
at the relationship the way they would look at a child,
and they nurture and grow it.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
That's not quite right.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
You need to look at it to an endeavor, a mission,
and we are going to go through the ups and
downs and face the challenges and devote the resources to
it to make it survive.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And thrive and good to where we wanted to go.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Maybe that's a little too analytical, and that's hard to
go into it because you're just basically I just want
to see somebody who's cute and they make me.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Laugh, and then you go from there.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
But I think that the outlook of it, if you
pull it back to five thousand feet and how do
we look at me and you and us and where
we're going. I think that people have to look at
it like you do this, and you I do this,
and we bring this and together. This thing that we
have together in this Petrie dish is growing and it's
(24:53):
getting stronger and healthier, and that's I think if you
pulled down the layers on a lot of happy couples,
I think that's what's in there.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
And friendship is one of the ingredients in that dish.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah, no, no, I agree. I agree.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
And I also think allowing each person to be who
they are, because when you start coming in and trying
to like change that person, or not even change them,
but like not really allow them to be the person
you are that you fell in love with, right.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I agree, But I think who we are is somehow
shaped by the fact is that's who we were without you,
and there's a chance that with you we would change
or feel better about ourselves or pivot or grow or
do something because they finally felt comfortable enough to be
a new version of themselves. And a lot of men
(25:44):
get to the point, and a lot of women will
put this on them to like, you know, when you're
dating a guy.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Who's forty six, who is who he is, who he.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Is, and he doesn't want to change him and he's
gonna he's gonna wear his Ben Roethlisberger jersey on dates
and that's his I don't know about that. I think
if you can create an environ where his confidence can
be refreshed or he can get a new perspective.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
On things, then you really are find.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Who they really are, not who they were them and
accepting them.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I'm not sure that we're not about trainable. I think
we are trainable, but I think malleable to new situations.
You know, a lot of people are like, you know,
I don't want to take cruises, and then suddenly you
meet somebody who's the greatest person in the world to
take a cruise on, and then you love cruises or
I don't like to hike, or I don't like seafood
or anything, and then somebody is opening up new horizons.
And I think that happy couples are willing to take
(26:39):
adventures together. If there's your one person, you're like, I
like to scuba dive and the other person doesn't, and
the other person just simply doesn't want to. They're not
required to get their gear out and dive in the
ocean with you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
But if there's the sense of adventure that you get
out of that you find a way to channel that
or divert that into something that the other person likes,
then you're sharing the stimuli as much as the activity does.
That makes sense, Yeah, you seem so you're like, no,
he needs to scuba dive and that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
No, I think it's I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
I'm listening to what you're saying, and I I think.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
And so when you peel back the layers of these
relationships and how they feel about each other, there's a
handful of fundamental ingredients that usually they stimulate each other,
they're attracted to each other, they trust each other. They
they feel like this is the person meant to be
with me in this moment or in this situation or
(27:38):
in this lifetime.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I think that all matters.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Yeah, and I think that's why somebody feels comfortable growing
as who they are, but within the cup, within the
relationship too, Yeah, right, because you're in the safe zone.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
It's got to be an awful feeling to feel like
you're in a wrong life, like you're in a marriage
situation that is not the one you should be in.
And a lot of people stay in that because they
can't see the one they should be in, or.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
They're scared to face what could else could be?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Right, it's easier to get door number two, right, the devil,
you know.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Yeah, yeah, it is a lot of people. You know,
look at the game musical chairs. A lot of people
would rather have a bad seat than no seat. It's
a scary situation to just kind of.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Leave.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But these people that hopefully you're talking to when you're
elevating love have come to that fork in the road
or they've stared at that, and they're like, this is
where I should be, this is who I should be with,
and we're going to do everything we can to take
this relationship where we want to go and grow with
it and face life. Together like that, that is what
(28:49):
you're looking to do. This is the person I'm supposed
to be with.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I also don't think relationships should be work. I feel
like everything else should be work. Challenges you face through
together as a couple, that could be work, But the
relationship itself should not be work.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
No, no, I you know, I hear that a lot,
and I agree with that. Sometimes work might be the
wrong word, because a relationship should require effort, and it
should require caring, and it should encounter some difficulty and
(29:35):
these are all ingredients of work, I think. But you
should work at something you love, hopefully. I think the
work connotation should be like, this is a struggle. I
think struggle is the is the or challenges. I think
that is if it feels like work, If it feels
(29:56):
like something you have to devote eight hours a day to,
it's something you're unhappy.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
You're right, Well, the parachute, Yeah, how many how many
times have you heard when you ask the couple like
give me a marriage device or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Just work at it every day.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Yeah, you shouldn't have to work. You should.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, it shouldn't be a it shouldn't be you know,
an hour and a half on the treadmill. I feel
like that you shouldn't be working your ass off in
a relationship five days a week to have a good
Tuesday and a Friday.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Yeah, I know. Some people say that's the key, and
people say that's so.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
I mean, I guess if that makes them happy, But
is that really making them happy.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
It seems like you're putting effort you're not getting you're
not getting the match back in return for the effort.
If you're putting a ton of effort back and you
get a little bit of positive feedback on it, that's
a that's about that's a bad ratio.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I need balance.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's the emotion and the caring and the time and
the thought and all of those things that you're putting
into it. Those are elements of work, I suppose. But
if you're putting those into it and then what you're
getting back is giant paycheck. I mean, if you want
to use the work analogy, you're getting a huge reward
back that work doesn't feel like work. So you want
(31:08):
to have a you know, you want to have one
of those people who are like, I never worked a
day in my life. They're still putting in the time,
but the reward they're getting back out of the relationship
is fundamentally the same thing as that.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I think I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Is there something Is there a question that either you're
waiting to ask or an answer that you're waiting to get.
Is it like I'm going to ask a thousand people
this question and they're secretly in the back of your head.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
I'm trying to find this needle in a haystack? Are
you looking for the law?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Are you hoping for love at first sight or when
you get it because you don't necessarily believe in it?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
I mean, I believe in it for other people, not myself.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Are you disappointed when you hear the As soon as
I saw him, I knew No.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just think it's fascinating. I just interviewed this couple
that he literally saw her in a bar and said,
I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Marry that woman. I've heard a lot of stories later
they're married.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I agree with those series.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Some of that is revisionist history. Some of that is
they assigned an emotion or a thought back to the
initial encounter, which may have not matched there. So maybe
they're like, oh, looking back, I should have known, and
I did feel certain things and I didn't know what
they were. I hear way too many of.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
The I saw your mother and I knew it.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
You know, God bless you, I think, but sometimes I
think it's almost like a deja vous feeling. It's like,
oh yeah, when I think back of when we met
and then I knew this, not this was the one if.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Because half the time the guy's like, I don't even
know she'll say hello to me.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, but I want to go to like that energy level, right.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Oh, I agree, yeah, and that connection that click. You know,
we're huge fans of that around here, where it's just
like if you feel something in a moment, there's no
reason to, you know, say check please at nine o'clock.
You keep that thing going as long as you can.
I know a lot of people who like our first
date was six days, and.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I love those stories.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
I was like, they didn't see a need to artificially
stop the wave, and they just wrote it and they
ride it for a long long time. It's just like
I felt stuff in this moment, in this place with
this person that I knew was really really special and rare,
and I didn't feel a need to just be like, no,
I'll pause and I'll get back to this because it's
hard to get back to that feeling once you find it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
And I think it should be that way.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
I think it should be so rare that when you
feel something in the moment, you're like, I want to
see how far I can take this, and hopefully you
take it sixty years.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That'd be amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I know that would be amazing. It So, is that
the answer that you want to hear?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Like, I know, back to that question. I know it's
a weird question, but is there secretly a an answer
that you are you looking for your parents and these
other people so you understand them better or you don't know.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
I don't think there's actually a search that I'm going on.
I really just enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
All a search. We have to have a purpose.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I do have a purpose, but I enjoy listening to
the couples because I feel like there's always something that
you can learn from somebody.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
We are constantly evolving people.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
And I enjoy every all the new things I get
from each couple, and it's different every time, and I
enjoy that. I like that I find something different. I'm like, oh,
you know what, maybe I'll take that into my relationship,
or I would use that, or I should be more
like that.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Right, But you are taking this information and you're keeping
it for yourself like you want.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I'm sharing it on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I get it. But I had a reporter I got
interviewed for.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Nightline the ABC when the Late Night I went a
couple years ago, and we stopped filming, and the reporter
goes to me, she goes, this whole thing is really
about you, isn't it. And I was so startled that
she asked me that, not that it wasn't true, but
that it was apparent to another person. And I'm like, kinda,
I'm like, all these questions that I ask, they're mostly
about me trying to get answers that will not just
(35:13):
benefit me, but will make me understand things on a
level that I don't know. I think curiosity, but who's that.
I think if you ask enough questions of these couples, though,
that those answers will translate into a skill set that
is going to behove you for your marriage and for
the rest of your life. I would think, yes, yes,
it's not as much about the answers, it's about you
(35:36):
asking the questions. I think the exercise of you being
curious about this ultimately will make you ask questions of
yourself your partner in your relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
One hundred percent. There you go. You know you have a.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Celebrity couple that you're like, I want to talk to them.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
There has been that I've I've actually reached out to
a couple of people like and I'm like, oh, there,
but you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Know what in your name names like somebody like you
know what them?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
No?
Speaker 4 (36:00):
No, no, I mean I've I reached out to it.
I don't know I should I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Oh, come on, is there one that you're like, They're
a couple that I've studied in the wild and I
want to talk to them?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Well, I mean just a couple that I've met.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Maybe that she's you know, has her own following and
different things I have like Susie Moore. I have a
couple other ones that I think they're great, their relationships
are wonderful, very positive people and hopefully have them on
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
There and it doesn't necessarily The one catch to all
this is somebody who is in a good relationship for
twenty years with one person doesn't automatically make that person
better at.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Being in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
They might just be in the perfect situation with that
person who's able to create this environment where that person
can flourish. Because I've heard you had people all the time,
but like you know, whether they're dating coaches or matchmakers,
something like you should listen to me. I've been married
for twenty five years, and I'm like, not another person
in the world would marry you besides that person. And
I don't know what you're dealing. So it's not just
(37:02):
like look at us. The good couples, I think cannot
clearly answer why that. They're like, you know what, I
don't know that intangible is the key to everything that
they can name eight things of the ten that really
makes it work in the last two because they're not
quite sure. I think that's where the life is in
the relationship. I think the two unknowns, that intangible that
(37:24):
you know, Gennessee Quah and it that mystery ingredient. I
think that's where the answer really lies, and it'd be
hard for anybody to get there, which is good.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Mystery's good.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
I love mystery. Yeah, everybody, you need a little mystery
in life, right.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I think I mean, life is a mystery, all right,
to answer one mystery here?
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
I was actually going to circle back around that question.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
But yeah, circle back.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Okay, it's for a second and then we can go
to the mystery. But I think you're right. Okay, if
I'm going to be totally honest and raw, no lie
to everybody, raw and vulnerable right now, I would say
I've always grown up like I love romantic movies. Right,
everybody loves a bachelor, but it loves the bacherette. I
was like always kind of secretly wanting to go on
one of those shows. And I at the time, I
(38:09):
was in a relationship, a long relationship.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I'm not gonna go on.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
Then I got out, and you know, you go into
the things, and by the time I don't even know
who this bachelor is anymore, Like I'm out of it.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Whatever I don't need.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Well, now I feel like I guess I've secretly created
my own bachelorette show.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yeah, I think you're right. See, you got to the
bottom of the answers here. All right, this is your
first time on the podcast. As you may or may
not know, we play something called worst date or first Date,
which means you have to give us either the worst
date you have ever been on or the absolute greatest
first date you've ever been on, your choice.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I guess I could go with worst date, right, Why
not an audience favorite worst date? Worst date was? I
was supposed to go meet up this with this guy
on Hinge.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
It's a little complicate.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
We're gonna there's a couple elements this story we're just
gonna talk about for a secon it. But as I guess,
am I supposed to say the app by the.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Way, okay, okay, people like Hinge.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Okay, Hine is great.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
So anyways, I said, hey, do you want to grab
drinks at eight o'clock tonight? He goes, oh, sorry, I can't.
So we're texting. We're having some good banter. He's like,
how about now, there's a PUBLICX. I don't know if
everybody knows, but PUBLICX is but super which.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Is the world's greatest supermarket mostly in the Southeast.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
Yes, exactly, And there's a bar at Public So I
was like, oh, really, like this is new.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Okay, I'm game.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
I'm down for trying it. Why not, Like I'm a yes, Like,
let's try something fun and different. So let's go get
a drink at publics the supermarket. Okay, so I but
there's only one. It's called a Greenwise public. So it's
some more organic natural.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
It's like, it's like the whole foods of publics. It
is sorry publics.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
So he's like, hey, do you want to go to
the Greenwise? And I was like, oh my gosh, I
know where. And he sends me the address and I go,
I know where green Wise is, Like why do you
have to send me the address? Come on, I've born
and raised in Boca, I know. So he made a
joke that he's going to bike there or run there
or something. I was like, oh yeah, and I could
be there in like ten minutes. I thought we were
just joking a few minutes later he texted me I'm here.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Where are you.
Speaker 4 (40:11):
I was like, oh my gosh, I could be there
in thirty minutes. I got a run home, shower, change
and get over. So I do the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I get to the green Wise on time. I walk in.
I'm so excited. I'm proud of myself. I text and
I'm like, I don't know where the bar is, Like
what is he talking about?
Speaker 4 (40:26):
That?
Speaker 1 (40:26):
There's a bar here.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
I text him and I'm like, hey, just letting you
know i'm here, and he goes and I look at
the address and I realize I'm at the wrong one.
There's a new one that just opened up. But me
trying to be all cool, and I'm like, I'm from Boca.
I know where to go. Like, that's so rude that
you would text me the address. So I'm like, you
know what, since they're close and nearby, I can be
there in ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So I rush over.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
We get there and he's like, hey, since you're like,
screwed this up, and I'm like, I know, my bad,
my bad. He's like, first rounds on you. I said, okay,
all right, whatever, that's fine, and I.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Was gonna but I was going to kind of off it.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Too, because so we get there and it's a wine
bar and there's beer and everything whatever. So we're sampling
different ones and then finally I'm like, okay, I'm just
gonna get like a Charnay and he goes, okay, cool,
I'm going to get a pina Noar and a Charnay.
And I'm like, wait, what two drinks?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
I thought this is?
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Were they flights or they were actual drinks, like a
glass of each.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
And plus it's a red and white so if you
are a wine.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
Drinker, yeah weird, Yeah right there, Okay.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
It was an homage to you with your red hair
and yeah, white skin, a tribute.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
So I was in such shock that he ordered two
drinks for the first round. I didn't know we were
double fisting this.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
So I'm staring kind of at him and I'm just
like the look on my face and he turns to
me and he goes, you know, you got the first round,
and I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll just pay for
this and leave pretty much, because at that point I
was just wow, if you drink red and white at
the same time, I don't know, this will definitely.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Poor taste, poor manners, bad etiquette, bad choice of first date.
Places like the grocery store.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I mean not saying people do go to like Whole Foods.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I just think there's weird lighting with the bar in there,
and not really how drunk can you get?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I know, I mean I coul get drunken shop around.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Maybe I could go look at some produce, like, I mean,
there's ways you.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Could take this, I suppose, but I gotta go feel
some melons, you know, I don't know. I mean it
is weird, banana. There are a lot of things can
actually be kind of funny.
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Not a bad day.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yeah, the guy was right.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
If he ordered two whites, would you still be with him?
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Damn Merlow and Merleau.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
Yeah, a white and a red ordered the same time, right,
he didn't like pour him into one glass.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I didn't know what he was doing with them. I
was going to see if this is an sign experience?
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Did you ask? You'd be like, are you parched?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
I wouldn't even get the words out because I was
so shocked that he ordered a red and a white.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, that's bad on a lot of levels. Yeah, he
would mismatch the furniture in your kid's rooms. Yes, it
would be terrible parachute. Yeah. Yeah. If that's the worst
date you've ever had, that's not bad. That's not a
good date.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
It's not a good No, thank god, I haven't had
like a terrible date.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
But it's not good.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
It's not great.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
No, it was just like and then' oh and then
I was trying to figure out how fast I could
get out of this date and what's the appropriate time, right,
because I'm like, well, I would like to leave now,
but I can't just leave him here with two glasses.
I have one, So I'm just like sucking them sipping
on my drink.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I don't suck sucking on my beverage.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Okay, yeah, some sipping on my wine. And I'm like, okay,
it's got to be like at least almost an hour
at this point, and he's only finished like one.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I'm like, he has a whole nother one to go.
This is crazy.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Oh so he wasn't alternating SIPs, no for.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
That, Okay, we'll a little bit.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
But he had this big watch on right yeah, And
I looked at it. I'm like, wow, only fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Has gone by, hanging there like staremaster time.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Yeah, And I was like there's no way. So I'm like, okay,
how much longer? Maybe like fifteen minutes past my finished drink.
I don't want to order another one. I want to
get out of here as fast as possible. So I
look again at his watch like a I don't know.
I felt like fifteen more minutes later or more thirty
minutes later, had it moved. I'm like, time is not
(44:24):
standing still with this guy, there's no way.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
It's not that wonderful.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
Yea.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
So finally I did like one of those I think
my phone is ringing, Oh, let me just grab it.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
I look, and it's way past the time I'm allowed
to leave. So I just said to him. I was like, oh,
you know what, I have the dinner plans because this
is earlier. Oh and I found out why he couldn't
meet me later at eight o'clock was just because he
didn't want to. Oh yeah, he was just like, I'd
rather stay in and do nothing.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
And then he wanted to continue hanging.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Out with which not a free drink, He just want
two free drinks.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, that's not a good Dan.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
It's not a good d But you are we're recording now,
like you grew up with then you went to high
school within like ten miles of here.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah, how often do you run into somebody went to
high school with? Does that happen?
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Not as often you as you think it would do.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
Guys from high school are like, hey, you're still I'm
still here? Do you get any of that you go
into the reunion because.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
I kind of avoid that.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
I know, but are there people that find out you're
still in because there must this lovely place, so there
must be quite a few people who either stuck around
here or who, as you say, boomerang back to this place?
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Do they circle back with you? Like I always liked
you in the ninth grade? You want to go out
for a red and a white.
Speaker 4 (45:35):
Let's gonna be the new pickup line line?
Speaker 1 (45:39):
No? Actually, surprisingly not? Which is is okay with you?
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Send up a flair and let all right? Where can
everybody listen to your podcast? Plug your podcast and other things?
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Thank you? Thank you?
Speaker 4 (45:51):
It's Elevate Love. It's on Spotify, iTunes, all the above,
everywhere you listen to a podcast, And you couldn't follow
me on Instagram at l love dot XO and I
love to just hear what's going on with you so
that we can chit chat and what you loved about
something about the episode, So feel free.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
To dm me. I enjoy it. Yeah, I enjoyed connecting you.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
She has the XO. All right, this was fun. You
were good. You're too bad?
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Right as far as us and Elevate Love, please review
our podcast, Elevate Love and all the podcasts. Your reviews
mean a lot, But don't be a dick. This isn't yelp.
You know, if it's Yelp, save all your complaints for Yelper.
Trip Advisor, keep them off the podcast reviews. Shoot us
an email Great Love Debated gmail dot com. We have
a listener letters episode coming up. Send us those letters
(46:38):
Great Lovedebated gmail dot com because, as always at the
Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you
next time.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
It's the Great Love Debate, a great love debate.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
It's a great love to bab
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