July 1, 2025 • 37 mins
What is it that we actually want from our relationships? "Miss Understood" host and "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" alum Rachel Uchitel drops by to talk about our need for validation, the challenges of dating in the spotlight, setting reasonable expectations, balancing confidence with vulnerability, the allure of famous men, and much, much more. Plus, why we shouldn't let a Google search define a potential relationship interest!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Pod Popular Podcast for.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
The People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate,
a great Love Debate.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
It's a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one
dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here
in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for
the People. I'm at the one in Palm Beach Gardens.
I don't get here very much.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It is.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
I recorded last week becaus I told you guys from Scottsdale,
and it was one thousand degrees. This is five thousand degrees.
This is so give me the dry heat. This is terrible.
All you Southern people who are like, oh no, it's
not that hot, it's really hot. About a year ago,
I did a show that that I sort of addressed
why I care about quote unquote this stuff so much.
(00:58):
Why I years into this podcast and nine years into
our live tour, I still want to talk about this stuff.
And so I really sort of laid out why it
appealed to me emotionally, intellectually, just on a lot of levels.
I just feel like this is the one thing love
dating relationships that everybody has experience with, everybody has an
(01:20):
anecdote on, everybody has an opinion on, everybody has pain from.
It's the one thing that you can grab any people
from anywhere in the world and have a conversation, and
that conversation should be engaging to everybody involved in that conversation.
And so I sort of laid out because somebody had
asked me at one of our shows, why do you
care so much about this stuff? But that answering that
question really sort of only brought it down to about
(01:41):
five thousand feet.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I wanted to know what this stuff is. I wanted
to know what it is we care about, and I
want to know why we care about what that is.
So I brought in a pro. She's laughing.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
She's like, I'm a pro because she is sort of
privately and publicly dealt with a lot of this stuff,
and she has a very popular podcast that gets into
this stuff and a whole lot more. You may have
seen her on Celebrity Rehab with our old friend doctor
Drew back in the day. You might have seen her
on Millionaire Matchmaker with our not so good friend Patti
(02:15):
Stanger back in the day. That's another podcast for another time.
She's the host of the Misunderstood podcast. I'm not sure
how misunderstood she is, but we'll get to the bottom
of that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Rachel, you can tell how are you.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I'm great, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
So when somebody says you obviously, like I said publicly
and privately, have been like I care too much, or
I care so much, or I really need this in
my life. What is it that we need besides the
primal companionship? We always say that we're wired to be
with another person. It's more than a physical thing. It
is an emotional, chemical thing that we really feel the
(02:53):
need to be in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Well, I think it's different for every person. Some people
derive credibility from it, some people listen. Some people don't
love to be alone, but they just want the physical
intimacy sometimes and want to separate completely after that. So
I think for everyone it's very different, and everyone has
their own version of what means something to them or
why it's so important to them. But it's the way
(03:18):
they connect with other people for sure. And for me personally,
my relationships for a long time was and I would
get myself in trouble this way, I think and I've
dealt with it a lot. But like I derived my
credibility by who I was with and if that person
everyone wanted to know them, but they wanted to be
with me, that made me feel loved and worthy.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I mean, I think everyone's.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Relationship is I'm somebody.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
Yeah, yeah, And I think that that derived a lot
from my childhood and from you know, things that I
went through very early on, and feeling the need to
be loved meant I was worthy, you know. So that's
my psychological issue with being in relationships. But I'm forty
eight years old, I'm still single. I believe in.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Monotoni only four o'clock, that's right.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
I believe in love. I believe in getting married. I
would love to have a family. I want a witness
to my life. But it's really hard to find that.
And I'm a shredder. I'm not great at it, right,
so you know, it's something I'm still striving.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's really hard to find that.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
But you know, as we say, the juice is worth
the squeeze, on some level, it should be hard to
find that. Yeah, we make it hard to find that.
Sometimes we make it hard to keep that. We make
it hard to recognize that we do all these things.
But that was a really good point you brought up
at the beginning. I need because I lack self esteem,
or I don't trust the love I was giving from
other people, or I don't love myself, that somehow we
(04:40):
need the validation not from just this person, but from
the people who see me with that person. That really
has a lot of layers to it that actually make
total sense.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Yeah, I mean, I think it makes sense. It's what
I've been dealing with my whole life. I think it's
gotten me in a lot of trouble, but it's also
made me understand. You know, I suffered from love addiction.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That's what I was on.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
Celebrity Rehab from I'm dealing with and I used to
go on tour with Doctor Drew on all sorts of
shows to talk about the validity of it because some
people don't believe in it. And I believe that your
problems with love addiction is what stems into a lot
of tangible addictions like drugs, alcohol, and people don't see
how there's a correlation, but there really is. And it
(05:23):
was very interesting to me to find out about it
and then to teach others about it.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Well, I mean, I think every addiction of any kind
comes from a whole or an emotional need that you're
trying to fill. I knew somebody who had a problem
with alcohol and he quit that and he became a
sex addict, of course, And I've never seen anybody struggle
with such self loathing and hatred as with this sex addict.
(05:47):
He's just like, I am ruining my entire life for
these little sort of thirty second bursts of pleasure, and
the whole time I'm like, go back to drinking.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Like, it's really really hard. Love addiction.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Yeah, A lot of people probably say it's it's a
made up term or whatever, it's a fake term. But
if you are addicted on an emotional level to this
need to feel connected, bonded, validated, any of those.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Things, it's as real as anything else.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
Yeah, And it can be hard for people to function
in their job and their other relationships and their parenting,
whatever it is for them. If they get so emmeshed
in someone else, that is probably wrong for them. And
they tend to have a bad picker. They tend to
replace love for intensity. You know, they're looking for the
(06:35):
ups and downs, they're looking for this toxic thing and
it becomes so overwhelming they cannot function as a person. Right,
They're picking the wrong people that make their lives unlivable
in some ways.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
And then, you know, people get out of a relationship
and they treat it like a game of musical chairs
and they better find a seat as quickly as possible
because they are floating without this life raft of both
a connection and the validation that you talked about.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Yeah, and not only that, when they get out of
a relationship, it takes all their self value away. So
for a lot of these people that struggle with love addiction,
they cannot get up easy. You know, they cannot recover
from losing this other person because that person's took all
their happiness and all their worth and that is the
(07:17):
most stabilitating for a lot of people as well.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Where are you from in real life? Where'd you grow up?
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Anchorage, Alaska is where I was born. I lived there
until I was five, and then I grew up in
New York City.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, wid Wow, that's a transition.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Yeah, you know, New York City is an interesting place.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You know, I'm from New York.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
A lot of the listeners are from New York you
can be what I call a bubble in a waterfall,
where there's all this energy around you, and you sort
of can float through an existence fairly isolated and fairly lone,
and you really do have to try hard to connect there.
It is a little bit cold, it is a little
bit distant. Did you feel good about yourself at an
(07:54):
early age?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
When did you? And you're obviously beautiful, when did that
kick in?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
I mean, I don't think physical you know, what you
look like physically really has a lot to do with
women's self esteem.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Nobody gives you opportunities.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It does give you opportunities.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
And by the way, you know, I used to run
night clubs for a living in Vegas, New York, the Hampton's,
Saint Barts, whatever, and I can tell you that the heavier,
unattractive women were the ones with the most self esteem.
They'd be getting up on tables dancing, and they would
go home with men at night. The models who were hungry,
who were mean, who didn't smile, They were the ones
(08:32):
that the guys wanted to meet. But they were not
the ones that the guys fucked at the end of
the night, or you know, even got their number because
they were just annoying, you know, and the fun girls
who just didn't care.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Because you're getting something back from them, you get an
energy back from them.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
So anyways, to get back on what I was saying,
being in New York, you know, I was just talking
to somebody about this today. The Housewives of New York,
none of them are married. All the other franchises, a
lot of the women are married. New York is the
hardest place, in my opinion, and I've lived almost everywhere
from LA to New York. It's a really hard place
to find people. And you really can be and I
(09:09):
learned this from working in the night club industry. You
could be surrounded by people but feel so alone, and
I've suffered from that for a long time. But it's
also because I have really high standards. Funnily enough, I
had interviewed Mama June, that is, do you remember her?
She just got remarried, She just got married. Now. I
literally was coming up with the questions for her, and
(09:30):
a legitimate question I had was give me your tips
on finding love and getting married, because I can't get
myself married. Even if I threw myself at someone and
someone was like you cannot ask her that that's ridiculous
because she's picking someone who has like a meth habit
and no teeth at right.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
A you can get married. A you can have a
hot Both Menenda's brothers are married.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Are they they're kind of hot.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
But you know, you could say I have a high standard.
Bar are you making because I have a high standard
that it's not about that. You're like moving the bullseye
out of range so you don't have to deal with it.
Maybe you brought up a millionaire matchmaker. When Patty's done
this show, she always goes that there's no good man.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
There's no good man.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Everyone wants to blame the city they're in, the people
there in whatever, or I'm too busy or I'm picky
or whatever, because they don't want to take ownership of
There are opportunities and possibilities and people right in front
of you who you probably could date, and it's scary
to you to go down that road.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
Probably I'm not someone who's easy to get to know,
which is my fault. I have a lot of boundaries
around me. I'm somewhat of a recluse. I don't like
to I mean, I love my home here in Florida.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I don't like to leave. I have a beautiful home.
I love my dogs.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
I have an eleven year old I I don't meet
people out at bars. I just would never do that.
I don't I do a lot of online dating. I
you know, it's just it's interesting to me being on
Millionaire Matchmaker. By the way, we could talk about that
in a second. But you know, I try so hard
to meet someone.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I really do.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
But I probably to answer your question, don't go above
and beyond to pick the people that I really could meet,
because it's not that I find something wrong with them.
It's just that I cut it off way too soon.
As Patty labeled me, I'm a shredder, right, And I'm
not good at giving people a chance. And I've interviewed
somebody who was on the net host of the Netflix
series Jewish Matchmaking. She was the Jewish matchmaker, Eliza Ben Shalom,
(11:25):
a wonderful woman, and she was like, listen, you have
to give people a chance. You don't know anybody after
the first date. You don't know this person. And my
problem is I will meet someone and I can immediately
know if they're going to be a boyfriend to me,
you know, if we're going to be in a relationship,
and that's my problem, and I will get into a
relationship with someone for three years and not date anyone else.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
But like I don't.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
I'm like, I know this person so well, they know me,
they make me feel good.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That's like a red flag. I know now not to
do that.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Do you say google me or don't?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I never say google me? They usually have does help?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Well, that's an interesting question. If they haven't, I always have.
And if they haven't and I like them, there's a
lot of anxiety that goes on with oh, how am
I going to tell them this or how are they
going to find out? There are plenty of times, even
as of late, that people, before they get into even
meeting me in person, they will say, just so you know,
(12:17):
I know who you are, and I have no problem
with it. I think you've been through a lot. I
think you're amazing. I'm so excited to meet you. And
then there are people that when they find out who
I am. And this happened last year, someone said I
went on on two dates with them and then I
spoke to them on the phone and they said, you
owe me an apology. I can't believe how you have
not been transparent with me. And I said for what?
(12:40):
And they said, you didn't tell me who you were,
And I said, I don't even know what that means.
I mean, obviously I know what it means, but I
couldn't believe they had the audacity to say that to
me that I owed them an apology. And their thought was,
you know, why should I find out from taking a
flight and seeing the documentary Tiger and there you are.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I should know that that's the girl.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
And I thought to myself, but it's not like you
disclosed everyone that you've had a relationship with in the past,
or your biggest regret. Maybe it's not like you put
that out on the table either, So what are we
talking about?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And not only that, you could make the argument and
it'd be a valid argument. This is not what defines me.
And I'm trying to give you the things that are
who I am now.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
That you deal with.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
If everybody had to be like, oh, here are the
ten thousand important pieces of information, that's why when people
make these little checklists, I like I need this, this,
and this, Well, those are five of ten thousand things
you probably need you don't know what's important to them,
so there's no reason for you to volunteer it. But
it's probably something that somebody no matter what, because it's
relatively interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Or really interesting, depending on who you are.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
They're going to have questions about do you bring it
up over the atamammee, like when do you.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
First say by the card to know?
Speaker 5 (13:50):
And when they do know, they do have a lot
of questions, which, you know, it depends who the person is.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
But I really don't keep listening.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Stop googling. You can do that after show you guess, yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
I don't feel the need to go into details unless
it's somebody I know that I like or I want
to spend more time with, and I feel it's important
to let them know the basic facts, not of what happened,
but of just you know how I kind of want
to shape that conversation because listen, it's like, you know,
have you ever cheated on someone? Have you ever done
(14:20):
something that you feel guilty about? And then the whole
world knows. Imagine what that's like, and then you are
defined by that forever. I mean, everyone makes mistakes in
their life, but rarely are you defined by it, unless
you like, go to prison for it, and so I
google it or whatever. You get to learn from your
lessons hopefully and move on. But when something that big
(14:41):
is the most talked about story, not just in your area,
not just in the in America, in the world, and
it's still brought up to this day, it's very It
is not easy.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Why do you say it's a mistake, Well.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
A mistake is I don't.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
I'm not somebody who would like to define myself as
having affairs with peop So that is the part that.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Was, you're the affair that you're with the married one.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
I was not the married one, correct, But I mean
it was I was the monster so to speak.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
You know, the mistress is always the mosticipant in an
adulterous situation, and you know, at the end of the day,
that's between them.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
It's not great issue.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
And the issue was between the three of us, not
the world, right, So correct, That's also what was. It
became something I got angry about when people would ask
me because I'm like, that's really none of your business.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That's my business.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
And you know, I have never in my life cheated
on someone I have been with. I believe in monogamy
and people don't think they're not like, well, well why
were they in that?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
What?
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You know what caused that? And obviously he was with
fifteen other women. Obviously, you know I had met him,
know that I knew that he had been because I
met him when I was dating Derek Jeter and Derek
Jeter and I let him come stay at well, Derek
let him come stay at the apartment, and I knew
that he wanted to meet a couple of my friends,
(16:01):
and you know I and I remember asking Derek didn't
just have a kid. He was like, yeah, but that's
not their relationship. So it was something I'm not going
to talk to him about. But you know, I knew
that there was there was no issue there from years before.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
It's a complicated subject. This is a complicated subject. I
gotta take a quick break because we got to pay
for dates with Derek Jeter and a whole lot more
around here.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I'm with Rangel.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
You could tell we're talking about what it is that
we love.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And why we love it. We will be back right
after this, and we are back. So when you say
now you want to be in.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
This relationship, a relationship for fifty years.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Happily ever after. I do.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I believe in that.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
We always say, but before you can define love, before
you can find love, you need to define it. How
do you define it?
Speaker 5 (17:00):
How do I define love? Or how do I define
define what I want in a relationship?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
One thing at a time. Okay, first, how do you
define love? For you, love would.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
Be something that is unconditional, that you really have no
judgments about, and you really care about that person or
that things, feeling well being, sometimes more than your own,
and you look to always protect that person, and you
almost glaze over a lot of things that are bad.
(17:34):
For example, I love my dogs, I love my daughter.
I love some of my daughter's friends. I think they're
just incredible. You know, there are some people that I
don't even know that well. I love their personality or
their energy. I really care about these people who maybe
are not my best friends, but I just love who
they are. And then there have been relationships that I
(17:55):
you know, I love that person, right, So that to
me is love, But that is different maybe than what
I want in a reew you.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Bring up the unconditional thing and the judgment thing is
that because that's really important to you. Get that back
in return based on is there some guilt in that or.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
No, No, not at all.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I just think that what makes relationships tough is that,
you know, it could be so nice in the honeymoon
phase for a little bit, but then it gets really
toxic almost. Sometimes you might love someone but then pick
out all their negative things that bother you, you know,
and give them a hard time and nitpick on stuff,
and you know, I think that's what makes a relationship difficult.
So when you really love someone, I think you look
(18:34):
over a lot of that stuff because you're just like
I love them. Like my daughter, she could be a
total bitch half the time. You know, she's eleven, she's
going eleven.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Tes she's thirteen more than half the time.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Yeah, and she's you know, can be awful, but I
love her, so I have to laugh it off.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I get mad, but then that anger.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Goes away in seconds, Whereas if I'm in a relationship,
I can hold on to that. I can really let
that fester and then I want to make them pay
because they've hurt me, and you know, it's awesome.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Well, one of the things that's going to be easier
for you in your forties and fifties, it might be
the pool isn't quite as big as during our nightclub
days back in the day. But when you were in
a relationship or you were married in your twenties and thirties,
at some point you go from husband wife to mom
and dad, and that is a completely different dynamic in
the thing which sometimes brings people apart as husband wife.
It just kills the bond of what got you together
(19:24):
in the first place. You're still a mom, But when
you get into it in your forties and fifties or whatever,
you are sort of adults over that hump of needing
that or having that wherever, and you can be like,
this is my shit and this is your shit. Can
our shit go together and we can sort of make
this work. I think that has a good chance, you know,
or better chance to work at that age, if you
(19:46):
can find the person, Because a lot of people, especially men,
I'm said, in my.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Ways, this is the way I live my life, this
is what.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I need, And a lot of times I think it's
not the responsibility of the woman, but I think there's
an opportunity for the woman to create environment where his
confidence can flourish in a way that he will change
in whatever way she wants him to, and a lot
of times it is harder for a woman in their
forties because you don't need us as much.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You can buy your own shit, you can do your
own shit.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
So the need of a man has gone away a little,
which makes him lose his hero thing that he needs
to play and all that kind of stuff. But if
there's like you know what, I believe you can enhance
my life, my world, my family, I think, then he's
willing to do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
Yeah, I mean, I agree. I think as somebody is
a creative to the situation. If they aren't asset, so
to speak, they make you better. They believe in you,
they love who you are. That is a better relationship
than sometimes you get into in your twenties and early
thirties when you don't even know who you are yet
and you don't know what you're looking for. So the
reason I think why I'm so picky at this part
(20:51):
of my life is because I know who I am.
If someone has any problems with something that's happened in
my past, because that comes up a lot, it's not
the person for me. Because I know who I am
and I know the friends that I have they love
me for who I am. And I was a person before,
I've been a person after, and I think I think
it's just really important too, Like you said, find who
(21:12):
you can be in a fox hole with and they
are going to be an asset to you and not
let you down. And for me also, it's really important
that I find a catcher. I am the man and
the woman in my life in so many situations. I've
been through my mother sending me to an awful therapeutic
boarding school, the one that Paris Hilton went to for
a few months.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I graduated from there.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
I was left at the school when I was thirteen
years old and did not leave till I was almost seventeen.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
It was awful.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
You had to like dig a grave with a spoon,
you had to. I mean, horrible things happened to you there,
and it's now been closed for abuse. I you know,
I've been engaged to someone who was killed while.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
We were engaged.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
You know, no one got me through that but myself.
You know, I was in a awful scandal and I
had no one to turn to. My family and friends
were like, that's a bad look.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't know her.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
I had to get through that on my own. I've
had to figure out crisis management. And then my father
died of a cocaine overdose when I was fifteen years old,
and I had to get through that. So I need
to find a man who is going to be stronger
then I know will be stronger than me in any situation.
I can figure out anything. I can get a reservation, anywhere,
I can handle if someone hijacks the plane, I feel
(22:23):
like I've got it from little to big. So I
really want a person that I feel like can get me.
Even though I like to handle things, but I want
to know that the guy's a little smarter.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Will you let us handle some things.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
I can play like I can't reach that on the shelf,
but whole time I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Not good at that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I know that's part of what you have to You
have to give us an opportunity to be the boy.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
I know you're right, and it's it's hard because you
don't even need a ride anymore. You know, I know
where you can fix your own shit, you can buy
your own shit. It's really hard for the men. I
used to say, for generations, we were shooting at a
ten foot basket. Now we're shooting at a twelve foot basket.
We got to become a better shot. But you have
to be aware that you he's the basket to get
in your world because you simply need us less.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
Yeah, well, I mean, I guess so, but I appreciate men.
I want to be able to lean on someone. I
just have felt so disappointed. I guess in the past.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
That that might be my issue.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
But something really funny we're doing on my show is
that we're trying to do things in a different way
than what we've been trained to. And now in our forties,
you know, we've gone a certain way. And everyone has
a type, right, you go on an online dating site,
you have a type. You fill out all these check marks.
So my producer Kelly, we do this segment on Happy Hour.
She's forty five years old. She tells me all her
(23:35):
dating stories, and we decided we announced that she is
getting married New Year's Eve, and the only catches we
haven't found the guy manifesting Yes, So we're manifesting it.
We've put her on every dating site, we talk about
every date she goes on. Now she's visiting me in
Florida and we're going to go out every night and
look for different men. See what it's like online versus
at bars. So we're doing the whole thing backwards to
(23:57):
see if it works.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Hey, I think that's got as good a shout to
work as anything.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Can you be asked out at Target? Can somebody just
go to Target?
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (24:06):
Whateveret whole food I don't like whole foods.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
I like publics.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Okay, publics. That's a very Florida thing.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
You can be asked out like some stranger, like, hey,
I just noticed the way you touch those melons.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Would you like to go get drink? Sometimes?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, if I didn't think that was a cheesy line.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Can I barbecue this? You know whatever?
Speaker 5 (24:24):
Yes you can, And probably I would like that guy
more because I probably look like shit in the grocery store.
I'm just being myself. Take some balls and it does.
It takes a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
We used to have to do that.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
So not to do play back in the day too
much here. But you're not me and you were not
quite old enough to remember the studio fifty four days.
But the people who talk about those days talk about
an era that that was the greatest time that ever
was the closest we have to that and we me
and you kicked around the same sandbox back in the
day for a while. Was those la Vegas late two thousands,
(25:02):
early aughts or whatever a teens days? Explain what that
was like, because I try and tell people what that
was like in that height of that nonsense before it
all kind of shut down, the lines and the cash
and the right back stress.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I can tell you from the very beginning because I
grew up from when I was five in New York City.
I went to an all girls private school night in
Gale Bamford, the circle that I grew up in. My boyfriend,
my very first kiss when I was twelve, was Jason Strauss.
His best friend was Noah Tupperberg.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
They are the two.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Guys, oh guys right, they're Tao now but they opened
up Marquis. But before that they started at Sweet sixteen.
And when I dated Jason when he was twelve, he
had a box, a tin box in his bedroom filled
with cash. And it was because he was a promoter
and he did all these things. He was a young
kid that promoted all these parties and got kids to
(25:51):
come in, and he promoted for Sweet sixteen and he
knew how to get people two places. So it started
when we were young and it was a lot of cash.
Then he went on to you know, be a part
of different nightclubs in New York and different things. And
then I moved to Vegas because of him. He was
opening tow and that was a completely different experience in
(26:11):
the way that he was now a real part owner
of something big in a hotel. I came there maybe
a month before it officially opened, and he taught me.
He's like, listen, the women here are either strippers or waitresses.
I don't trust any of them. I had just quit
my job at Bloomberg News. He knew that I kind
of got it, and I was his friend for you know, years,
(26:32):
since we were twelve, or actually we knew each other
since we were like six or seven. So he's like,
if you come here, I will give you a job
and you can help me figure this out.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
So I did.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
I went there and I stayed. I became known as
the first lady in Vegas because we started dating again.
But I was taught a level of customer service that
actually now it doesn't even exist anymore because there's so
much saturation of nightclubs. But at the time. We were
taught in a manner that no one knows this anymore.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
You had to do outreach every day.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
You had to go touch everyone in the city, from
the cab drivers to the concierge to let them know
that tow was opening or tow was open, and what
the party was that week. You had to bring The
waitresses would get fired if they didn't bring in a
guest list of twenty five people. The host said to
have ten things booked, tables booked, and it started right, Yes, well,
it started with because New York is much different than Vegas.
(27:27):
Vegas is they'll take anyone depending on what the price is.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
New York, even if you get in, there's another room
you're never getting. In Vegas, you're in, and York was.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Crazy because you had to.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
I mean, I worked with a guy that made women
stand on a scale to get in. I mean, that's
how mean it was. They would be like, you're fucking ugly,
what are you doing here? They were mean there, But
that's not how it was.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
In Vegas.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
You could look like anything and come in and they
loved it. They love the money, they loved the people,
the amount of like people they could pack in so
we started at charging tables of five hundred dollars a table,
and then when we got into it, on those five
five hundred dollars tables, the minimums were five thousand, and
we were making On New Year's they were making over
a million. And I was the person who cultivated, cultivated
(28:10):
the first real bottle service customer that was spending two
hundred and fifty thousand, four hundred thousand a night, and
that became somewhat of the norms. Yeah, but also we
would teach, sorry, we would teach our our staff to
know everything about them. You had to know their wives,
their mistresses, what they liked to eat, what they you know,
what they did, where they were from. And then they
(28:30):
could not leave at the end of the night without
writing a thank you note.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So it was really done well.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I mean it kind of changed.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Back back in the day nineties, used to be able
to go out with you know, a couple hundred bucks
and do whatever. Yeah, the table, the access, the bottle service,
the VIP, it changed everything. We used to have to
bring out another guy who so we had access to
the girls and like, you want to come with us,
you're buying and he knew his role, and he'd be like, Okay,
I'm the guy with the black card. I will pay
(28:57):
twenty thousand dollars and I get to hang out with
you guys. And he was getting something at us and
we were getting something out of him, and everybody's getting
free drinks, and that just it was like such a
different world that people would be like, Oh, let's go
to Vegas. I heard of this place called Pure and
it's like, you're nowhere unless you are spending five.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Figures right right.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
And when I changed, Yeah, and when I worked there,
it was all cash. We were making almost ten thousand
dollars in cash a week, and they told us, do
not put in more than ten thousand into your deposit
it whatever, because you will get flag. So we put
cash under our bed for years. And it was only
when Stevd from Pure got I don't know if you
(29:36):
had arrested or got into some trouble with the IRS,
that they started to tax everybody.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
And that's what happened in Studio fifty four. The bags
of cash in the ceiling like.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Ultimately, but the amount of money that people were making
with the clipboards on the lines and those.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Clubs were crazy.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
One of the appearance fees that people were getting to
show up with Kim and Paris and Lindsay and everybody
got just to go sit in the booth for eight hours.
It was insane. With the publicity and the dollars that
that would generate, it was worth it.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
Oh yeah, it was more than they were paying the DJs.
Kim was getting two hundred thousand dollars to come sit
and talk to a guy named Jolo, who now is
I don't know if you know who that is from
Malaysia that he was on the run and all the stuff.
But you know, we were paying a lot of you know,
sort of random celebrities at the time that were just
like in not social media but in entertainment or pop
(30:27):
news right to come be with these people. Yeah, so
it was a very you know, very interesting.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Now, how do you find is love on your mind
in that situation, because it's such a chaotic thing. Getting
a relationship there is sort of like you're taking yourself
off the ride, and the ride is such an exhilarating
period of money and cash and people and all that
kind of stuff that it's like trying to have a
relationship during that time is hard.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Well, it's interesting you asked that because I used to
say all the time, I am in a room where
three thou I was in new people come in four
times a week Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and there's no
one that I that rarely throws me off, you know
what I mean. And I was dating Jason again. We
(31:15):
had dated when we were younger. As I said, we
decided to date again there. We ended up living together there,
and to me that was great because I was dating
the owner of the club, my boss whatever, and I
knew him, I felt close to him and bonded with him.
I also was highly aware of the trouble you can
get in Vegas, Like I could have dated anyone that
came in every weekend, any celebrity that came in, but
that to me, would have been it would have taken
(31:37):
me out of the game. I was so good at
my job, so it was better for me to be
in a relationship with someone there. But I did know,
like I did sort of have my eye out looking
like could I meet anyone else and fall in love
and have someone almost like save me from this and
get me out of here, because I'm not going to
live here forever.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And I really didn't meet anyone like that. I mean,
I met.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That's where I met Derek Jeter for the first time,
but I didn't have any interest in dating him. We
were just friends. And I also found that I became
very someone everyone wanted to know there because I was
the gatekeeper and I was like their buddy and their
best Yeah. So I knew everyone on a level where
they trusted me. But if I ever crossed the line,
(32:17):
that would have ruined it.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
But they wanted validation from knowing you in the way
that you needed validation from knowing somebody else's.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
It's kind of an icky circle of life there. But
that's sort of true, you know.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
And it's tough if you're dating somebody who runs one
of those empires for lack of a better term, just
the amount of women that they have access to. That's
why they always say Randy Gerber was so successful as
a nightclub guy and he ultimately married Cindy Crawfer or
whatever because he didn't get caught up in the nonsense.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
He had the one and that was it.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Yeah. Well, it's interesting.
Speaker 5 (32:47):
Women would come to the front of the club every
night and be like, I'm here to see Jason, and
I'd be like really, and my host would laugh with me.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
They'd be like, Rach'll stop. But also men.
Speaker 5 (32:57):
Were coming to the clubs, the most famous men, to
be like I'm here to see Rachel, and like, we
just had to have a trust and he clearly was
not going to do this under my nose.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
While we were there.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
And literally when we were there, we were running a
business like this was not us like trying to sex.
I mean I had a rule that I had to
go upstairs and party with everyone. The waitresses knew they
had to put diet ginger ale in my champagne glass
and they had to put water in my vodka glass.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
So I illusion.
Speaker 5 (33:22):
Yeah, the illusion, and and the whole thing was an illusion.
Jason took his job seriously and definitely flirts because he
knows because he knew he had to. I definitely did
as well, but I also had very good boundaries.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yeah, it's part of the show.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
All right, I'm gonna let you plug your podcast in
a minute, but before we do, this is your first
time on this podcast. We play something called worst date
or first date, So you have to have to either
give us the absolute worst date you've ever gone on
or the absolute greatest first date you've ever gone on
your choice.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
Oh, I wish you prepared me for this before ever end. Okay,
So I met Jim Norton on bumbo.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Do you know the comedian.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
Yeah, And before I got together with him, he said
that something was wrong with his elbow, and so he
had become vegan or vegetarian, I don't know. He wasn't
eating certain foods because he couldn't work out, so he
was trying to slim down.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
This is what we were talking about on text before
you met up.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
And then also I had I owned a store at
the time, so we were talking about clothing or whatever,
and he said, oh, he asked me about my feet,
like if I was walking around in heels. I didn't
think anything of it. He's like, well, how are your feet?
Send me a picture of your feet, So I did.
I didn't think anything of it. So anyways, I meet
up with him at this like vegan restaurant, which, by
the way, even on my bumble now it's like I
(34:40):
won't date trumpers or vegan, like that's super annoyous today.
So we go to this vegan restaurant. We're eating all
this disgusting stuff, but I'm pretending I like it. And
I finally and I realized as we get through this,
he has a foot fetish.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Now.
Speaker 5 (34:53):
I don't know if you know this about Jim Norton,
because I think it's kind of out there now.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
He has a major foot fetish. So like, during dinner, he's.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
Like, like a Quentin Tarantino, can I see your feet?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You know, do you let people lick your toes? Blah blah?
Speaker 5 (35:05):
And I'm like, we're at a vegan restaurant talking about feet.
It was so uncomfortable, but he's so nice and so funny.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
I really liked it.
Speaker 5 (35:11):
But I knew the date was going nowhere because, as
I told you earlier, I can spot within the first
five minutes if I'm going to date this person. So
here's where it gets really embarrassing. I kind of wanted
to get out of there and leave. My store at
the time was like a block away, and I was
riding my bike to the store every day. It was
like five blocks away, and it was the middle of summer.
So I'm like listen, oh, and I had and I
(35:32):
had heels on, so.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I'm like listen.
Speaker 5 (35:34):
He's like, can I drive you home or get put
you in a cab and take you home. I'm like, actually,
I rode my bike. I'll you know, I'll just walk
over there. He's like, well, I'll walk you to your bike.
So we go to the bike and we're standing from
the bike kind of waiting to say goodbye. I'm like,
this is my store, blah blah blah. He's like, okay,
so where's your bike. I'm like, it's right here. He
thought I met a motorcycle. Meanwhile, it was a bicycle
(35:56):
with a baby seat on the back because my daughter
was like three or something, and I had to take
my heels off and put flip flops on. And then
he's like, this is the greatest date I've ever had.
This is so random. And then like the Wizard of Oz,
I had to bike away from him, like with the
baby sea behind me. He's like, no, I'm watching you
(36:17):
bike off because this is just too hilarious.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
And we never spoke again.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
He never called me, so at that point I was like, wait,
I want him to love me because I feel like
such a loser, so he has to call me. I
felt so insexy taking off my heels getting on this
stupid bike when he thought I was that cool that
I had a motorcycle, So that was a pretty dap.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Well how are your feet?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
My feet look fantastic.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
I used to know this guy who had a foot
fetish and he subscribed to this magazine called Well Healed,
and he was like he would go up to random people,
and I was like, what is like an eight and
a half? Like it was so weird. But part of me,
some of these fetish people that I've met, they're into
that more than I'm into anything, and part of me
is jealous, like they have what they love and they're passionate.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
So maybe we're the weirdest.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Yeah, all right, tell everybody about your podcast and where
to find you please.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
It is called Misunderstood m I s s Understood with
Rachel you could tell. You can find it on Apple, Spotify,
anywhere you get your podcasts. I would love for you
guys to tune in and listen.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
This was good.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Thank you, uh as far as us not just Misunderstood,
but this podcast too. Please like, share, follow, and review
this podcast. Your reviews mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem.
Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail, gmail
dot com. If you have questions, thoughts for me. Rachel
or you want to send us picture of your feet,
have at it because, as always at the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
We never stopped making love. See you next time.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
The Great Love Debate. It's the Great love debate.
Speaker 4 (37:49):
Degreat love debate.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
It's a Great love Debate.
This is Pod Popular Podcast for.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
The People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate,
a great Love Debate.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
It's a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one
dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here
in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for
the People. I'm at the one in Palm Beach Gardens.
I don't get here very much.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It is.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
I recorded last week becaus I told you guys from Scottsdale,
and it was one thousand degrees. This is five thousand degrees.
This is so give me the dry heat. This is terrible.
All you Southern people who are like, oh no, it's
not that hot, it's really hot. About a year ago,
I did a show that that I sort of addressed
why I care about quote unquote this stuff so much.
(00:58):
Why I years into this podcast and nine years into
our live tour, I still want to talk about this stuff.
And so I really sort of laid out why it
appealed to me emotionally, intellectually, just on a lot of levels.
I just feel like this is the one thing love
dating relationships that everybody has experience with, everybody has an
(01:20):
anecdote on, everybody has an opinion on, everybody has pain from.
It's the one thing that you can grab any people
from anywhere in the world and have a conversation, and
that conversation should be engaging to everybody involved in that conversation.
And so I sort of laid out because somebody had
asked me at one of our shows, why do you
care so much about this stuff? But that answering that
question really sort of only brought it down to about
(01:41):
five thousand feet.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I wanted to know what this stuff is. I wanted
to know what it is we care about, and I
want to know why we care about what that is.
So I brought in a pro. She's laughing.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
She's like, I'm a pro because she is sort of
privately and publicly dealt with a lot of this stuff,
and she has a very popular podcast that gets into
this stuff and a whole lot more. You may have
seen her on Celebrity Rehab with our old friend doctor
Drew back in the day. You might have seen her
on Millionaire Matchmaker with our not so good friend Patti
(02:15):
Stanger back in the day. That's another podcast for another time.
She's the host of the Misunderstood podcast. I'm not sure
how misunderstood she is, but we'll get to the bottom
of that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Rachel, you can tell how are you.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I'm great, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
So when somebody says you obviously, like I said publicly
and privately, have been like I care too much, or
I care so much, or I really need this in
my life. What is it that we need besides the
primal companionship? We always say that we're wired to be
with another person. It's more than a physical thing. It
is an emotional, chemical thing that we really feel the
(02:53):
need to be in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Well, I think it's different for every person. Some people
derive credibility from it, some people listen. Some people don't
love to be alone, but they just want the physical
intimacy sometimes and want to separate completely after that. So
I think for everyone it's very different, and everyone has
their own version of what means something to them or
why it's so important to them. But it's the way
(03:18):
they connect with other people for sure. And for me personally,
my relationships for a long time was and I would
get myself in trouble this way, I think and I've
dealt with it a lot. But like I derived my
credibility by who I was with and if that person
everyone wanted to know them, but they wanted to be
with me, that made me feel loved and worthy.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I mean, I think everyone's.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Relationship is I'm somebody.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
Yeah, yeah, And I think that that derived a lot
from my childhood and from you know, things that I
went through very early on, and feeling the need to
be loved meant I was worthy, you know. So that's
my psychological issue with being in relationships. But I'm forty
eight years old, I'm still single. I believe in.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Monotoni only four o'clock, that's right.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
I believe in love. I believe in getting married. I
would love to have a family. I want a witness
to my life. But it's really hard to find that.
And I'm a shredder. I'm not great at it, right,
so you know, it's something I'm still striving.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's really hard to find that.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
But you know, as we say, the juice is worth
the squeeze, on some level, it should be hard to
find that. Yeah, we make it hard to find that.
Sometimes we make it hard to keep that. We make
it hard to recognize that we do all these things.
But that was a really good point you brought up
at the beginning. I need because I lack self esteem,
or I don't trust the love I was giving from
other people, or I don't love myself, that somehow we
(04:40):
need the validation not from just this person, but from
the people who see me with that person. That really
has a lot of layers to it that actually make
total sense.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Yeah, I mean, I think it makes sense. It's what
I've been dealing with my whole life. I think it's
gotten me in a lot of trouble, but it's also
made me understand. You know, I suffered from love addiction.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That's what I was on.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
Celebrity Rehab from I'm dealing with and I used to
go on tour with Doctor Drew on all sorts of
shows to talk about the validity of it because some
people don't believe in it. And I believe that your
problems with love addiction is what stems into a lot
of tangible addictions like drugs, alcohol, and people don't see
how there's a correlation, but there really is. And it
(05:23):
was very interesting to me to find out about it
and then to teach others about it.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Well, I mean, I think every addiction of any kind
comes from a whole or an emotional need that you're
trying to fill. I knew somebody who had a problem
with alcohol and he quit that and he became a
sex addict, of course, And I've never seen anybody struggle
with such self loathing and hatred as with this sex addict.
(05:47):
He's just like, I am ruining my entire life for
these little sort of thirty second bursts of pleasure, and
the whole time I'm like, go back to drinking.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Like, it's really really hard. Love addiction.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Yeah, A lot of people probably say it's it's a
made up term or whatever, it's a fake term. But
if you are addicted on an emotional level to this
need to feel connected, bonded, validated, any of those.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Things, it's as real as anything else.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
Yeah, And it can be hard for people to function
in their job and their other relationships and their parenting,
whatever it is for them. If they get so emmeshed
in someone else, that is probably wrong for them. And
they tend to have a bad picker. They tend to
replace love for intensity. You know, they're looking for the
(06:35):
ups and downs, they're looking for this toxic thing and
it becomes so overwhelming they cannot function as a person. Right,
They're picking the wrong people that make their lives unlivable
in some ways.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
And then, you know, people get out of a relationship
and they treat it like a game of musical chairs
and they better find a seat as quickly as possible
because they are floating without this life raft of both
a connection and the validation that you talked about.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Yeah, and not only that, when they get out of
a relationship, it takes all their self value away. So
for a lot of these people that struggle with love addiction,
they cannot get up easy. You know, they cannot recover
from losing this other person because that person's took all
their happiness and all their worth and that is the
(07:17):
most stabilitating for a lot of people as well.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Where are you from in real life? Where'd you grow up?
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Anchorage, Alaska is where I was born. I lived there
until I was five, and then I grew up in
New York City.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, wid Wow, that's a transition.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Yeah, you know, New York City is an interesting place.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You know, I'm from New York.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
A lot of the listeners are from New York you
can be what I call a bubble in a waterfall,
where there's all this energy around you, and you sort
of can float through an existence fairly isolated and fairly lone,
and you really do have to try hard to connect there.
It is a little bit cold, it is a little
bit distant. Did you feel good about yourself at an
(07:54):
early age?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
When did you? And you're obviously beautiful, when did that
kick in?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
I mean, I don't think physical you know, what you
look like physically really has a lot to do with
women's self esteem.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Nobody gives you opportunities.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It does give you opportunities.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
And by the way, you know, I used to run
night clubs for a living in Vegas, New York, the Hampton's,
Saint Barts, whatever, and I can tell you that the heavier,
unattractive women were the ones with the most self esteem.
They'd be getting up on tables dancing, and they would
go home with men at night. The models who were hungry,
who were mean, who didn't smile, They were the ones
(08:32):
that the guys wanted to meet. But they were not
the ones that the guys fucked at the end of
the night, or you know, even got their number because
they were just annoying, you know, and the fun girls
who just didn't care.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Because you're getting something back from them, you get an
energy back from them.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
So anyways, to get back on what I was saying,
being in New York, you know, I was just talking
to somebody about this today. The Housewives of New York,
none of them are married. All the other franchises, a
lot of the women are married. New York is the
hardest place, in my opinion, and I've lived almost everywhere
from LA to New York. It's a really hard place
to find people. And you really can be and I
(09:09):
learned this from working in the night club industry. You
could be surrounded by people but feel so alone, and
I've suffered from that for a long time. But it's
also because I have really high standards. Funnily enough, I
had interviewed Mama June, that is, do you remember her?
She just got remarried, She just got married. Now. I
literally was coming up with the questions for her, and
(09:30):
a legitimate question I had was give me your tips
on finding love and getting married, because I can't get
myself married. Even if I threw myself at someone and
someone was like you cannot ask her that that's ridiculous
because she's picking someone who has like a meth habit
and no teeth at right.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
A you can get married. A you can have a
hot Both Menenda's brothers are married.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Are they they're kind of hot.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
But you know, you could say I have a high standard.
Bar are you making because I have a high standard
that it's not about that. You're like moving the bullseye
out of range so you don't have to deal with it.
Maybe you brought up a millionaire matchmaker. When Patty's done
this show, she always goes that there's no good man.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
There's no good man.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Everyone wants to blame the city they're in, the people
there in whatever, or I'm too busy or I'm picky
or whatever, because they don't want to take ownership of
There are opportunities and possibilities and people right in front
of you who you probably could date, and it's scary
to you to go down that road.
Speaker 5 (10:27):
Probably I'm not someone who's easy to get to know,
which is my fault. I have a lot of boundaries
around me. I'm somewhat of a recluse. I don't like
to I mean, I love my home here in Florida.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I don't like to leave. I have a beautiful home.
I love my dogs.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
I have an eleven year old I I don't meet
people out at bars. I just would never do that.
I don't I do a lot of online dating. I
you know, it's just it's interesting to me being on
Millionaire Matchmaker. By the way, we could talk about that
in a second. But you know, I try so hard
to meet someone.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I really do.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
But I probably to answer your question, don't go above
and beyond to pick the people that I really could meet,
because it's not that I find something wrong with them.
It's just that I cut it off way too soon.
As Patty labeled me, I'm a shredder, right, And I'm
not good at giving people a chance. And I've interviewed
somebody who was on the net host of the Netflix
series Jewish Matchmaking. She was the Jewish matchmaker, Eliza Ben Shalom,
(11:25):
a wonderful woman, and she was like, listen, you have
to give people a chance. You don't know anybody after
the first date. You don't know this person. And my
problem is I will meet someone and I can immediately
know if they're going to be a boyfriend to me,
you know, if we're going to be in a relationship,
and that's my problem, and I will get into a
relationship with someone for three years and not date anyone else.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
But like I don't.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
I'm like, I know this person so well, they know me,
they make me feel good.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That's like a red flag. I know now not to
do that.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Do you say google me or don't?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I never say google me? They usually have does help?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Well, that's an interesting question. If they haven't, I always have.
And if they haven't and I like them, there's a
lot of anxiety that goes on with oh, how am
I going to tell them this or how are they
going to find out? There are plenty of times, even
as of late, that people, before they get into even
meeting me in person, they will say, just so you know,
(12:17):
I know who you are, and I have no problem
with it. I think you've been through a lot. I
think you're amazing. I'm so excited to meet you. And
then there are people that when they find out who
I am. And this happened last year, someone said I
went on on two dates with them and then I
spoke to them on the phone and they said, you
owe me an apology. I can't believe how you have
not been transparent with me. And I said for what?
(12:40):
And they said, you didn't tell me who you were,
And I said, I don't even know what that means.
I mean, obviously I know what it means, but I
couldn't believe they had the audacity to say that to
me that I owed them an apology. And their thought was,
you know, why should I find out from taking a
flight and seeing the documentary Tiger and there you are.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I should know that that's the girl.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
And I thought to myself, but it's not like you
disclosed everyone that you've had a relationship with in the past,
or your biggest regret. Maybe it's not like you put
that out on the table either, So what are we
talking about?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
And not only that, you could make the argument and
it'd be a valid argument. This is not what defines me.
And I'm trying to give you the things that are
who I am now.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
That you deal with.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
If everybody had to be like, oh, here are the
ten thousand important pieces of information, that's why when people
make these little checklists, I like I need this, this,
and this, Well, those are five of ten thousand things
you probably need you don't know what's important to them,
so there's no reason for you to volunteer it. But
it's probably something that somebody no matter what, because it's
relatively interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Or really interesting, depending on who you are.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
They're going to have questions about do you bring it
up over the atamammee, like when do you.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
First say by the card to know?
Speaker 5 (13:50):
And when they do know, they do have a lot
of questions, which, you know, it depends who the person is.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
But I really don't keep listening.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Stop googling. You can do that after show you guess, yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
I don't feel the need to go into details unless
it's somebody I know that I like or I want
to spend more time with, and I feel it's important
to let them know the basic facts, not of what happened,
but of just you know how I kind of want
to shape that conversation because listen, it's like, you know,
have you ever cheated on someone? Have you ever done
(14:20):
something that you feel guilty about? And then the whole
world knows. Imagine what that's like, and then you are
defined by that forever. I mean, everyone makes mistakes in
their life, but rarely are you defined by it, unless
you like, go to prison for it, and so I
google it or whatever. You get to learn from your
lessons hopefully and move on. But when something that big
(14:41):
is the most talked about story, not just in your area,
not just in the in America, in the world, and
it's still brought up to this day, it's very It
is not easy.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Why do you say it's a mistake, Well.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
A mistake is I don't.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
I'm not somebody who would like to define myself as
having affairs with peop So that is the part that.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Was, you're the affair that you're with the married one.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
I was not the married one, correct, But I mean
it was I was the monster so to speak.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
You know, the mistress is always the mosticipant in an
adulterous situation, and you know, at the end of the day,
that's between them.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
It's not great issue.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
And the issue was between the three of us, not
the world, right, So correct, That's also what was. It
became something I got angry about when people would ask
me because I'm like, that's really none of your business.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That's my business.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
And you know, I have never in my life cheated
on someone I have been with. I believe in monogamy
and people don't think they're not like, well, well why
were they in that?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
What?
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You know what caused that? And obviously he was with
fifteen other women. Obviously, you know I had met him,
know that I knew that he had been because I
met him when I was dating Derek Jeter and Derek
Jeter and I let him come stay at well, Derek
let him come stay at the apartment, and I knew
that he wanted to meet a couple of my friends,
(16:01):
and you know I and I remember asking Derek didn't
just have a kid. He was like, yeah, but that's
not their relationship. So it was something I'm not going
to talk to him about. But you know, I knew
that there was there was no issue there from years before.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
It's a complicated subject. This is a complicated subject. I
gotta take a quick break because we got to pay
for dates with Derek Jeter and a whole lot more
around here.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I'm with Rangel.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
You could tell we're talking about what it is that
we love.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And why we love it. We will be back right
after this, and we are back. So when you say
now you want to be in.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
This relationship, a relationship for fifty years.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Happily ever after. I do.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I believe in that.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
We always say, but before you can define love, before
you can find love, you need to define it. How
do you define it?
Speaker 5 (17:00):
How do I define love? Or how do I define
define what I want in a relationship?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
One thing at a time. Okay, first, how do you
define love? For you, love would.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
Be something that is unconditional, that you really have no
judgments about, and you really care about that person or
that things, feeling well being, sometimes more than your own,
and you look to always protect that person, and you
almost glaze over a lot of things that are bad.
(17:34):
For example, I love my dogs, I love my daughter.
I love some of my daughter's friends. I think they're
just incredible. You know, there are some people that I
don't even know that well. I love their personality or
their energy. I really care about these people who maybe
are not my best friends, but I just love who
they are. And then there have been relationships that I
(17:55):
you know, I love that person, right, So that to
me is love, But that is different maybe than what
I want in a reew you.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Bring up the unconditional thing and the judgment thing is
that because that's really important to you. Get that back
in return based on is there some guilt in that or.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
No, No, not at all.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I just think that what makes relationships tough is that,
you know, it could be so nice in the honeymoon
phase for a little bit, but then it gets really
toxic almost. Sometimes you might love someone but then pick
out all their negative things that bother you, you know,
and give them a hard time and nitpick on stuff,
and you know, I think that's what makes a relationship difficult.
So when you really love someone, I think you look
(18:34):
over a lot of that stuff because you're just like
I love them. Like my daughter, she could be a
total bitch half the time. You know, she's eleven, she's
going eleven.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Tes she's thirteen more than half the time.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Yeah, and she's you know, can be awful, but I
love her, so I have to laugh it off.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I get mad, but then that anger.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Goes away in seconds, Whereas if I'm in a relationship,
I can hold on to that. I can really let
that fester and then I want to make them pay
because they've hurt me, and you know, it's awesome.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Well, one of the things that's going to be easier
for you in your forties and fifties, it might be
the pool isn't quite as big as during our nightclub
days back in the day. But when you were in
a relationship or you were married in your twenties and thirties,
at some point you go from husband wife to mom
and dad, and that is a completely different dynamic in
the thing which sometimes brings people apart as husband wife.
It just kills the bond of what got you together
(19:24):
in the first place. You're still a mom, But when
you get into it in your forties and fifties or whatever,
you are sort of adults over that hump of needing
that or having that wherever, and you can be like,
this is my shit and this is your shit. Can
our shit go together and we can sort of make
this work. I think that has a good chance, you know,
or better chance to work at that age, if you
(19:46):
can find the person, Because a lot of people, especially men,
I'm said, in my.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Ways, this is the way I live my life, this
is what.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I need, And a lot of times I think it's
not the responsibility of the woman, but I think there's
an opportunity for the woman to create environment where his
confidence can flourish in a way that he will change
in whatever way she wants him to, and a lot
of times it is harder for a woman in their
forties because you don't need us as much.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You can buy your own shit, you can do your
own shit.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
So the need of a man has gone away a little,
which makes him lose his hero thing that he needs
to play and all that kind of stuff. But if
there's like you know what, I believe you can enhance
my life, my world, my family, I think, then he's
willing to do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
Yeah, I mean, I agree. I think as somebody is
a creative to the situation. If they aren't asset, so
to speak, they make you better. They believe in you,
they love who you are. That is a better relationship
than sometimes you get into in your twenties and early
thirties when you don't even know who you are yet
and you don't know what you're looking for. So the
reason I think why I'm so picky at this part
(20:51):
of my life is because I know who I am.
If someone has any problems with something that's happened in
my past, because that comes up a lot, it's not
the person for me. Because I know who I am
and I know the friends that I have they love
me for who I am. And I was a person before,
I've been a person after, and I think I think
it's just really important too, Like you said, find who
(21:12):
you can be in a fox hole with and they
are going to be an asset to you and not
let you down. And for me also, it's really important
that I find a catcher. I am the man and
the woman in my life in so many situations. I've
been through my mother sending me to an awful therapeutic
boarding school, the one that Paris Hilton went to for
a few months.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I graduated from there.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
I was left at the school when I was thirteen
years old and did not leave till I was almost seventeen.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
It was awful.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
You had to like dig a grave with a spoon,
you had to. I mean, horrible things happened to you there,
and it's now been closed for abuse. I you know,
I've been engaged to someone who was killed while.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
We were engaged.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
You know, no one got me through that but myself.
You know, I was in a awful scandal and I
had no one to turn to. My family and friends
were like, that's a bad look.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't know her.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
I had to get through that on my own. I've
had to figure out crisis management. And then my father
died of a cocaine overdose when I was fifteen years old,
and I had to get through that. So I need
to find a man who is going to be stronger
then I know will be stronger than me in any situation.
I can figure out anything. I can get a reservation, anywhere,
I can handle if someone hijacks the plane, I feel
(22:23):
like I've got it from little to big. So I
really want a person that I feel like can get me.
Even though I like to handle things, but I want
to know that the guy's a little smarter.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Will you let us handle some things.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
I can play like I can't reach that on the shelf,
but whole time I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Not good at that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I know that's part of what you have to You
have to give us an opportunity to be the boy.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
I know you're right, and it's it's hard because you
don't even need a ride anymore. You know, I know
where you can fix your own shit, you can buy
your own shit. It's really hard for the men. I
used to say, for generations, we were shooting at a
ten foot basket. Now we're shooting at a twelve foot basket.
We got to become a better shot. But you have
to be aware that you he's the basket to get
in your world because you simply need us less.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
Yeah, well, I mean, I guess so, but I appreciate men.
I want to be able to lean on someone. I
just have felt so disappointed. I guess in the past.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
That that might be my issue.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
But something really funny we're doing on my show is
that we're trying to do things in a different way
than what we've been trained to. And now in our forties,
you know, we've gone a certain way. And everyone has
a type, right, you go on an online dating site,
you have a type. You fill out all these check marks.
So my producer Kelly, we do this segment on Happy Hour.
She's forty five years old. She tells me all her
(23:35):
dating stories, and we decided we announced that she is
getting married New Year's Eve, and the only catches we
haven't found the guy manifesting Yes, So we're manifesting it.
We've put her on every dating site, we talk about
every date she goes on. Now she's visiting me in
Florida and we're going to go out every night and
look for different men. See what it's like online versus
at bars. So we're doing the whole thing backwards to
(23:57):
see if it works.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Hey, I think that's got as good a shout to
work as anything.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Can you be asked out at Target? Can somebody just
go to Target?
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (24:06):
Whateveret whole food I don't like whole foods.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
I like publics.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Okay, publics. That's a very Florida thing.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
You can be asked out like some stranger, like, hey,
I just noticed the way you touch those melons.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Would you like to go get drink? Sometimes?
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, if I didn't think that was a cheesy line.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Can I barbecue this? You know whatever?
Speaker 5 (24:24):
Yes you can, And probably I would like that guy
more because I probably look like shit in the grocery store.
I'm just being myself. Take some balls and it does.
It takes a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
We used to have to do that.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
So not to do play back in the day too
much here. But you're not me and you were not
quite old enough to remember the studio fifty four days.
But the people who talk about those days talk about
an era that that was the greatest time that ever
was the closest we have to that and we me
and you kicked around the same sandbox back in the
day for a while. Was those la Vegas late two thousands,
(25:02):
early aughts or whatever a teens days? Explain what that
was like, because I try and tell people what that
was like in that height of that nonsense before it
all kind of shut down, the lines and the cash
and the right back stress.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I can tell you from the very beginning because I
grew up from when I was five in New York City.
I went to an all girls private school night in
Gale Bamford, the circle that I grew up in. My boyfriend,
my very first kiss when I was twelve, was Jason Strauss.
His best friend was Noah Tupperberg.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
They are the two.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Guys, oh guys right, they're Tao now but they opened
up Marquis. But before that they started at Sweet sixteen.
And when I dated Jason when he was twelve, he
had a box, a tin box in his bedroom filled
with cash. And it was because he was a promoter
and he did all these things. He was a young
kid that promoted all these parties and got kids to
(25:51):
come in, and he promoted for Sweet sixteen and he
knew how to get people two places. So it started
when we were young and it was a lot of cash.
Then he went on to you know, be a part
of different nightclubs in New York and different things. And
then I moved to Vegas because of him. He was
opening tow and that was a completely different experience in
(26:11):
the way that he was now a real part owner
of something big in a hotel. I came there maybe
a month before it officially opened, and he taught me.
He's like, listen, the women here are either strippers or waitresses.
I don't trust any of them. I had just quit
my job at Bloomberg News. He knew that I kind
of got it, and I was his friend for you know, years,
(26:32):
since we were twelve, or actually we knew each other
since we were like six or seven. So he's like,
if you come here, I will give you a job
and you can help me figure this out.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
So I did.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
I went there and I stayed. I became known as
the first lady in Vegas because we started dating again.
But I was taught a level of customer service that
actually now it doesn't even exist anymore because there's so
much saturation of nightclubs. But at the time. We were
taught in a manner that no one knows this anymore.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
You had to do outreach every day.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
You had to go touch everyone in the city, from
the cab drivers to the concierge to let them know
that tow was opening or tow was open, and what
the party was that week. You had to bring The
waitresses would get fired if they didn't bring in a
guest list of twenty five people. The host said to
have ten things booked, tables booked, and it started right, Yes, well,
it started with because New York is much different than Vegas.
(27:27):
Vegas is they'll take anyone depending on what the price is.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
New York, even if you get in, there's another room
you're never getting. In Vegas, you're in, and York was.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Crazy because you had to.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
I mean, I worked with a guy that made women
stand on a scale to get in. I mean, that's
how mean it was. They would be like, you're fucking ugly,
what are you doing here? They were mean there, But
that's not how it was.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
In Vegas.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
You could look like anything and come in and they
loved it. They love the money, they loved the people,
the amount of like people they could pack in so
we started at charging tables of five hundred dollars a table,
and then when we got into it, on those five
five hundred dollars tables, the minimums were five thousand, and
we were making On New Year's they were making over
a million. And I was the person who cultivated, cultivated
(28:10):
the first real bottle service customer that was spending two
hundred and fifty thousand, four hundred thousand a night, and
that became somewhat of the norms. Yeah, but also we
would teach, sorry, we would teach our our staff to
know everything about them. You had to know their wives,
their mistresses, what they liked to eat, what they you know,
what they did, where they were from. And then they
(28:30):
could not leave at the end of the night without
writing a thank you note.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So it was really done well.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I mean it kind of changed.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Back back in the day nineties, used to be able
to go out with you know, a couple hundred bucks
and do whatever. Yeah, the table, the access, the bottle service,
the VIP, it changed everything. We used to have to
bring out another guy who so we had access to
the girls and like, you want to come with us,
you're buying and he knew his role, and he'd be like, Okay,
I'm the guy with the black card. I will pay
(28:57):
twenty thousand dollars and I get to hang out with
you guys. And he was getting something at us and
we were getting something out of him, and everybody's getting
free drinks, and that just it was like such a
different world that people would be like, Oh, let's go
to Vegas. I heard of this place called Pure and
it's like, you're nowhere unless you are spending five.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Figures right right.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
And when I changed, Yeah, and when I worked there,
it was all cash. We were making almost ten thousand
dollars in cash a week, and they told us, do
not put in more than ten thousand into your deposit
it whatever, because you will get flag. So we put
cash under our bed for years. And it was only
when Stevd from Pure got I don't know if you
(29:36):
had arrested or got into some trouble with the IRS,
that they started to tax everybody.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
And that's what happened in Studio fifty four. The bags
of cash in the ceiling like.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Ultimately, but the amount of money that people were making
with the clipboards on the lines and those.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Clubs were crazy.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
One of the appearance fees that people were getting to
show up with Kim and Paris and Lindsay and everybody
got just to go sit in the booth for eight hours.
It was insane. With the publicity and the dollars that
that would generate, it was worth it.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
Oh yeah, it was more than they were paying the DJs.
Kim was getting two hundred thousand dollars to come sit
and talk to a guy named Jolo, who now is
I don't know if you know who that is from
Malaysia that he was on the run and all the stuff.
But you know, we were paying a lot of you know,
sort of random celebrities at the time that were just
like in not social media but in entertainment or pop
(30:27):
news right to come be with these people. Yeah, so
it was a very you know, very interesting.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Now, how do you find is love on your mind
in that situation, because it's such a chaotic thing. Getting
a relationship there is sort of like you're taking yourself
off the ride, and the ride is such an exhilarating
period of money and cash and people and all that
kind of stuff that it's like trying to have a
relationship during that time is hard.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Well, it's interesting you asked that because I used to
say all the time, I am in a room where
three thou I was in new people come in four
times a week Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and there's no
one that I that rarely throws me off, you know
what I mean. And I was dating Jason again. We
(31:15):
had dated when we were younger. As I said, we
decided to date again there. We ended up living together there,
and to me that was great because I was dating
the owner of the club, my boss whatever, and I
knew him, I felt close to him and bonded with him.
I also was highly aware of the trouble you can
get in Vegas, Like I could have dated anyone that
came in every weekend, any celebrity that came in, but
that to me, would have been it would have taken
(31:37):
me out of the game. I was so good at
my job, so it was better for me to be
in a relationship with someone there. But I did know,
like I did sort of have my eye out looking
like could I meet anyone else and fall in love
and have someone almost like save me from this and
get me out of here, because I'm not going to
live here forever.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And I really didn't meet anyone like that. I mean,
I met.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That's where I met Derek Jeter for the first time,
but I didn't have any interest in dating him. We
were just friends. And I also found that I became
very someone everyone wanted to know there because I was
the gatekeeper and I was like their buddy and their
best Yeah. So I knew everyone on a level where
they trusted me. But if I ever crossed the line,
(32:17):
that would have ruined it.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
But they wanted validation from knowing you in the way
that you needed validation from knowing somebody else's.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
It's kind of an icky circle of life there. But
that's sort of true, you know.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
And it's tough if you're dating somebody who runs one
of those empires for lack of a better term, just
the amount of women that they have access to. That's
why they always say Randy Gerber was so successful as
a nightclub guy and he ultimately married Cindy Crawfer or
whatever because he didn't get caught up in the nonsense.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
He had the one and that was it.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
Yeah. Well, it's interesting.
Speaker 5 (32:47):
Women would come to the front of the club every
night and be like, I'm here to see Jason, and
I'd be like really, and my host would laugh with me.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
They'd be like, Rach'll stop. But also men.
Speaker 5 (32:57):
Were coming to the clubs, the most famous men, to
be like I'm here to see Rachel, and like, we
just had to have a trust and he clearly was
not going to do this under my nose.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
While we were there.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
And literally when we were there, we were running a
business like this was not us like trying to sex.
I mean I had a rule that I had to
go upstairs and party with everyone. The waitresses knew they
had to put diet ginger ale in my champagne glass
and they had to put water in my vodka glass.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
So I illusion.
Speaker 5 (33:22):
Yeah, the illusion, and and the whole thing was an illusion.
Jason took his job seriously and definitely flirts because he
knows because he knew he had to. I definitely did
as well, but I also had very good boundaries.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Yeah, it's part of the show.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
All right, I'm gonna let you plug your podcast in
a minute, but before we do, this is your first
time on this podcast. We play something called worst date
or first date, So you have to have to either
give us the absolute worst date you've ever gone on
or the absolute greatest first date you've ever gone on
your choice.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
Oh, I wish you prepared me for this before ever end. Okay,
So I met Jim Norton on bumbo.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Do you know the comedian.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
Yeah, And before I got together with him, he said
that something was wrong with his elbow, and so he
had become vegan or vegetarian, I don't know. He wasn't
eating certain foods because he couldn't work out, so he
was trying to slim down.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
This is what we were talking about on text before
you met up.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
And then also I had I owned a store at
the time, so we were talking about clothing or whatever,
and he said, oh, he asked me about my feet,
like if I was walking around in heels. I didn't
think anything of it. He's like, well, how are your feet?
Send me a picture of your feet, So I did.
I didn't think anything of it. So anyways, I meet
up with him at this like vegan restaurant, which, by
the way, even on my bumble now it's like I
(34:40):
won't date trumpers or vegan, like that's super annoyous today.
So we go to this vegan restaurant. We're eating all
this disgusting stuff, but I'm pretending I like it. And
I finally and I realized as we get through this,
he has a foot fetish.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Now.
Speaker 5 (34:53):
I don't know if you know this about Jim Norton,
because I think it's kind of out there now.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
He has a major foot fetish. So like, during dinner, he's.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
Like, like a Quentin Tarantino, can I see your feet?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You know, do you let people lick your toes? Blah blah?
Speaker 5 (35:05):
And I'm like, we're at a vegan restaurant talking about feet.
It was so uncomfortable, but he's so nice and so funny.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
I really liked it.
Speaker 5 (35:11):
But I knew the date was going nowhere because, as
I told you earlier, I can spot within the first
five minutes if I'm going to date this person. So
here's where it gets really embarrassing. I kind of wanted
to get out of there and leave. My store at
the time was like a block away, and I was
riding my bike to the store every day. It was
like five blocks away, and it was the middle of summer.
So I'm like listen, oh, and I had and I
(35:32):
had heels on, so.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I'm like listen.
Speaker 5 (35:34):
He's like, can I drive you home or get put
you in a cab and take you home. I'm like, actually,
I rode my bike. I'll you know, I'll just walk
over there. He's like, well, I'll walk you to your bike.
So we go to the bike and we're standing from
the bike kind of waiting to say goodbye. I'm like,
this is my store, blah blah blah. He's like, okay,
so where's your bike. I'm like, it's right here. He
thought I met a motorcycle. Meanwhile, it was a bicycle
(35:56):
with a baby seat on the back because my daughter
was like three or something, and I had to take
my heels off and put flip flops on. And then
he's like, this is the greatest date I've ever had.
This is so random. And then like the Wizard of Oz,
I had to bike away from him, like with the
baby sea behind me. He's like, no, I'm watching you
(36:17):
bike off because this is just too hilarious.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
And we never spoke again.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
He never called me, so at that point I was like, wait,
I want him to love me because I feel like
such a loser, so he has to call me. I
felt so insexy taking off my heels getting on this
stupid bike when he thought I was that cool that
I had a motorcycle, So that was a pretty dap.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Well how are your feet?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
My feet look fantastic.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
I used to know this guy who had a foot
fetish and he subscribed to this magazine called Well Healed,
and he was like he would go up to random people,
and I was like, what is like an eight and
a half? Like it was so weird. But part of me,
some of these fetish people that I've met, they're into
that more than I'm into anything, and part of me
is jealous, like they have what they love and they're passionate.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
So maybe we're the weirdest.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Yeah, all right, tell everybody about your podcast and where
to find you please.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
It is called Misunderstood m I s s Understood with
Rachel you could tell. You can find it on Apple, Spotify,
anywhere you get your podcasts. I would love for you
guys to tune in and listen.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
This was good.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
Thank you, uh as far as us not just Misunderstood,
but this podcast too. Please like, share, follow, and review
this podcast. Your reviews mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem.
Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail, gmail
dot com. If you have questions, thoughts for me. Rachel
or you want to send us picture of your feet,
have at it because, as always at the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
We never stopped making love. See you next time.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
The Great Love Debate. It's the Great love debate.
Speaker 4 (37:49):
Degreat love debate.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
It's a Great love Debate.
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