December 2, 2025 • 21 mins
Why did your relationship really end? Brian breaks down the reasons it all went bad, our tendency to blame, why you are going after the wrong things, what actually caused your relationship's demise, where to find better possibilities, how to improve your odds, why you need to stop looking backwards, and much, much more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great
Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, degreat Love Debates,
It's Great Love. Hi again everyone, it's Brian Howie. Welcome
(00:20):
to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating
and relation podcast since twenty fifteen. I am in the
very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People.
I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's a very
nice one. Scottsdale's lovely. You gotta go to Scottsdale even
when it's like a million degrees. Scott Scottsdale's the best.
(00:43):
So sorry to all of you people who play places
that aren't Scottsdale and the ones that I also say
is the best, but Scottsdale is the best. On we go.
All of what I give you guys on this podcast,
as far as content is rooted in opinion, whether it's mine,
whether it's our guest, whether it's collective debate team here,
(01:07):
it's opinion. Most of what I give you guys personally
is belief. It's my belief. And some of what I
give you guys as advice, I don't like to give
a whole lot of advice or I don't like to
couch as advice. That seems a little too serious for me.
But there are two things that I'm going to talk
about today that are sort of tangentially related. Their bookends,
(01:31):
their compadres in all your dating misadventures and bad decisions.
So these are going to be my opinion. These absolutely
are my beliefs, and for sure this is my advice.
So do with this information whatever you like. It comes
with a warning label use it at your own benefit,
(01:55):
which some people simply don't want. I can't help you, say, Levy,
And I'm not sure how long I'm going to ramble.
We produce a lot of podcasts here at pod, popular
podcasts for the people, and when we get a new
show host in here and they're going to start up
their pod, they always ask how long should it be?
And our answer is always the same, which is as
long as you want, as long as it's engaging. If
(02:17):
you can engage someone for three hours almost every day,
like Joe Rogan, have at it. If you give somebody
a quick twenty have at it? Will you marry me? Yes?
Five words? Two seconds? Certainly engaging. That's certainly an engaging conversation.
And that's as long as it should go. It's not
about length, it's about width. So here we go. The
(02:41):
two bookends that I think get in the way of
your love life, working out and finding relationship happiness are
label and Type. Those are sort of like Greek mythological
figure that one is named label and one is leg type.
(03:02):
They're sitting on your shoulders and they're giving you terrible
advice in both ears. And we've touched on type a
bunch in the past, and I'll get into that portion
a bit more in a minute, but I want to
start with label or mislabeling. We seem to have this
pattern in this habit, and it's gotten worse over the
last decade or so to assign a definition or a
(03:25):
characteristic in absence of logic and reason. We've lost logic
and reason in this country and maybe on this planet
over the last fifteen years or so. But we want
to assign this definition like this happened because they're that
you want to know why it didn't work out, and
you say it's because he was X, not we weren't y,
(03:49):
he was X, or she was Z example a friend
of mine. I'm probably gonna have this podcast talk about
it because it drove me nuts. And she's been on
this show before. A friend of mine she recently had
a relationship end. And I won't even say that he
broke up with her because she didn't get into that,
at least publicly. She simply says to the world and
(04:11):
all of her social media platforms, it ended because quote,
he was a narcissist, which has become awfully fashionable in
the last decade or so. Suddenly every girl who is
no longer dating a guy the reason is because they
believe he's a narcissist. Is there something in the water?
(04:36):
Is it the chemicals and the McRib that suddenly made
every man a narcissist? Of course not, but it's the
lazy explanation. It's the one that seems quick and clean.
Does everyone, every single one of us, man and women,
have some narcissistic tendencies? Of course, if you took a
(04:57):
selfie of yourself and posted on the internet, you have
somearcissistic tendencies felt cute, might delete later, narcissistic tendencies. Look
at me, look at us having a good time. Narcissistic tendencies.
My expecting you to listen to my advice a bit
self centered and narcissist adjacent, no doubt, no doubt, But clinically,
(05:21):
statistically like zero point five percent of people are actual narcissists.
That's one out of every two hundred. Yet somehow every
girl who has a relationship go bad it's because he
was a narcissist. It seems strange, right, seems really improbable,
(05:45):
bad luck for everybody. She doesn't think he was an asshole,
though he probably was and is. She doesn't think he
was emotionally unavailable though he might have been, and maybe
doesn't think he had some trauma that he failed to
work through, though of course that's entirely possible. Nope, narcissist.
(06:06):
That's the reason. That's what I'm telling everybody. I'm great,
He's a terrible human being. End of story. A woman
at our show in Palm Beach a few months back
stood up and she said every guy she dated was
a narcissist, every single one. And I'm like, really, that's
(06:27):
some bad fucking luck, lady, How could that be? And
the guys guys definitely aren't better. She was bipolar, she
was a bit, she was crazy. Every girl is crazy,
Is it that or was she They them with a
(06:51):
lady simply a bit more complicated, more complicated than you
could handle. And guys, they're all more complicated than we
can handle. So grab a handle, strap in, hang on.
It's going to be a bumpy ride, but eventually you
will land safely. They're not crazy. You'll start to understand
how it works. Everything will slow down for you. You're like, oh,
(07:13):
this is what she likes, this is why she did.
It's not crazy. So why do we do this? And
what are we doing when we label the ones that
didn't work out because we're a little lazy and a
little dishonest with ourselves and a whole lot of refusing
to accept responsibility. The entire Great Love Debate tour and
(07:33):
this podcast came from me not understanding why people didn't
want to take more control and more responsibility for their
dating fate. Why they didn't want to take ownership of
the outcome never made sense to me. Then it doesn't
make sense to me. Now we are eight years into this,
I still don't get it. It might even be getting worse.
(07:55):
So I'm not sure how much we're helping, no matter
how many times I raise these questions to However, many people.
She is crazy, he was a narcissist. No, she isn't.
No he wasn't. It just didn't work out. And part
of the reason it's getting worse as far as this
labeling is, there is a boatload of life coaches and
(08:19):
relationship experts and dating gurus and blah blah blah who
are making a whole lot of money with buzzwords like
manifesting and self love and yes, narcissists. They are telling
you that he was a narcissist, and here's how to
identify it. It's bullshit, it's all bullshit. It's not you,
it's them. Don't listen to those people, don't take their courses,
(08:45):
don't follow their feeds, don't listen to their podcasts, and
don't read their books. You know what the greatest dating
book of them all is. It's not Mani from Mars,
Women from Venus, although that's a really good one, and
John Gray's been on this Pott cast and he was good.
It's not my book. It's not Think Like a Man,
(09:08):
it's not any of those books. The greatest dating book
of them all is He's just not that into you.
It really is. Holds up Gregan Liz. They captured all
of what actually happened in ninety five percent of situations
with those five words. He's just not that into you.
(09:30):
That's really the case almost all the time. So if
you want to play amateur psychologists to try and figure
out why he didn't call you back or why she
said she didn't want to go on the trip, they're
just not that into you. They're not crazy, they're not narcissists.
They're not whatever label you want. You know, it's been
(09:51):
said about me when I was a little younger and
just a hair cuter, just a hair cuter, that Brian
Howi's a place layer, that was a label a player?
Was I why because I dated a lot of girls,
A lot of girls liked me back, good for me,
(10:13):
good for you, Brian Howey, great for them. But it
was said like it was some sort of characteristic flaw,
this label player, like it was something I was doing
because there was something wrong with me. And if you
peel back the layers, really it was just about me
not really understanding who I was or what I wanted
or what I was capable of. It wasn't that the
(10:34):
girls individually weren't worthy of my time and focus and attention.
And it definitely wasn't that they weren't good enough, and
it certainly wasn't that they were crazy. I just wasn't capable.
And the ones that I really appreciated to this day,
many of them simply would say that he's just not capable.
(10:57):
I kind of liked that, even though it's not deafly
a thing to be. You want to be, you don't
want to be not capable. But I thought it was
more accurate and less dismissive than he was a player.
He was driven by this desire to just date all
these women and men. I had work to do, which
(11:18):
I did and still do, which we all do. And
that's the label that we want. Work in progress. Somebody said,
he's not a player, he's a work in progress. Accurate good.
I think we all are unfinished product. Brian, how he's
(11:40):
an unfinished product. He's to be continued. And that should
be about how you look at the guy or the
girl didn't work out with onto the next person. Trying
to put this this psychological profile onto your ex. You're
not a shrink, you're not a pharmacist's off her meds,
(12:02):
and you're not Clarie Starling trying to figure out why
and doing all this analysis of them. It's not your
job to solve their puzzle. It's your job to solve
yours and the labels. It's the laziest kind of excuse making.
And the sooner all of us take ownership of the outcome,
(12:22):
the easier it will be to move on to a
better one. So we're going to continue to try and
help you with that. I got to take a quick break,
so we'll be back with the book end to this
conversation right after this, and we are back. We were
just talking about labels, and as promised, the second part
(12:45):
of this is type, which we have spent quite a
bit of time on over the years. It's one of
the very first things I ever said at one of
our shows, and the question I get asked the most
by media people who want to know, what's the one
thing you've learned or what's the one thing people should know?
And I always say, get rid of the words not
(13:07):
my type. If you are over thirty and you are
still single, you have no type. Your type is not
working out for you, and the big pool of you
under thirty who are listening to this, you have no
idea what your type even is yet, so all of you,
all of us, type has no place in dating, none,
(13:31):
no clue. And we brought this up before and all
the arguments that come back. But what about values? We
need the same values, I mean, pipe down with that.
We all have essentially the same values. The ones who
don't that, they're a fraction. They're in the tiny, tiny,
(13:51):
tiny narcissist category if you want to put them there.
Almost everybody has the same values. The rest of the
stuff that you think are different values, their habits and
their superstitions and their patterns and their preferences and their
subject to change. And none of it has anything to
do with type. So why am I touching on this again?
(14:15):
You're like, you've talked about type before, because it's getting worse.
People are putting more specific information out there onto their
social media, into their dating profiles. No Democrats, no Trumpers. Lacroix,
Lacroix flavor is a whole thing now. People feel they
(14:38):
need to match their Lacroix flavor. They need to share
the same flavor preference because they imagine that they'll open
their mutual refrigerator and it'll just be a sea of blue,
pure Lacroix. You want to date a coconut girl. Oh,
you're strictly a lime guy. Sorry, there's a p umple
(15:00):
moose in your fridge. We can't go out a second time.
I mean, what is wrong with everyone? That's where we
are now. So all the ones we've had before, which
are ridiculous. I need a guy who's six 's four
Now you don't. I need a girl who watches Big
Bang Theory. No you don't. I need a vegan. I
want an episcopalian. Bronco fans make me happy because I
(15:21):
watch the game sixteen seventeen times a year, and so
fifty hours of the year. I need somebody who likes
the exact same thing I do. It's ridiculous. I find
blondes hot, blah blah blah. I can tell you right now.
I can find a hundred people, one hundred men or
one hundred women, whichever you prefer, who are the polar
(15:42):
opposite of what you think you want and need and like,
and you would date every single one of them in
two seconds. You would. I'll be your fucking matchmaker. But
we do it my way, for my price. So venmo me,
let's get to work. But Seriously, all you're doing when
(16:04):
you're ruling people out with type or this or that,
you're shrinking the pool of what is let in, and
you're ruling out so many people who should absolutely be
in or at least have the opportunity to be in.
We want to know who I should date. You're always
asking who should I date? Do you know anybody I
(16:25):
should date? Who should I date? The answer is simple,
pretty much everyone. So you should date, so you have
to marry him. They don't have to be your boyfriend
or girlfriend should date him, should least be open to it.
You don't have to have a stake with every dude.
And no, you don't have to ask out everyone, and
you don't want to kiss, but you should be open
to whatever, whenever, with whomever the possibilities when you least
(16:50):
expect it. I think that's a movie. Ann Hathaway. Movie
feels like a movie, feels like a rom com. But
when you least expect it, it's a real thing. And
when you least expect it, it's never about time, it's
never about place. It's about the person. The person made
the time and the place the right one. I was
(17:13):
looking for the right relationship. Let the right relationship. Find
you do this, write down the ten things that you
think you like or want or deserve, then spend a
weekend trying to find someone who's the opposite of those
ten things. Like that old Seinfeld episode with George doing
(17:35):
the opposite where you order the chicken salad in so
of the tune I heard the tune instead of the
chicken salad, whor you did the opposite and the end
up with the Yankees do that. I'm not saying it's
gonna work out, or that you need to do ten
opposites out of ten, but I think you'll see that
two for ten, or seven for ten, or even zero
for ten, it's all gonna blurt together. I think you'll
(17:56):
forget about the ten and the ten things won't matter
at all because you're looking for reasons to stay out
of something instead of finding a way to get in something.
You really don't know what you like, You aren't sure
what feels right to you feel it. I'm not saying
you're suddenly like Lemon Lacroix, but you certainly shouldn't care
(18:19):
that they do. And that's sort of the point. You're
not if you're trying to date what you like and
everything that's the same as you. You're the narcissist because
you're trying to date yourself. That's what it comes down to.
You're not sure what you're like. Now, you're definitely not
sure what you like. In ten years, you should change.
(18:40):
Things should change even if you like them one thousand
percent and check every box. Your boxes will change as
they should, and their ability to check or uncheck them
over time will change as they should. So to keep
saying I want need, demand this and this and throw
it onto your dating prooil and profile and put it
(19:02):
out to the universe, it's ridiculous. There are literally people
who put no narcissists on their profile. You know that's
going to attract He's going to get turned on by
that actual narcissists. They're going to be excited by the
challenge I'll show her. And if you break it down
(19:24):
by the math, see how type and label blurred together here.
If you break it all down by the math. In
my book where this all started, if you talk to
or spent a little time with engaged for a moment
sixty seconds the book's called Out of Fine Love and
sixty seconds, and that meant that if you engage with
(19:45):
one thousand people of the opposite sex for sixty seconds, statistically,
between six and seven of them are somebody you would
eventually fall in love with. Between six and seven out
of a thousand. I think if I broke down, then
I think it was like six point two. If you
talk to one thousand people for sixty seconds, six point
(20:07):
two of them you would fall in love with. Zero
point six percent. That seems very low, right, that's needle
in a haystack, right, But only one out of two
hundred people, as I said earlier, as a narcissist, that's
five out of a thousand. That's only point five percent.
Love wins always. You have a better chance of throwing
(20:30):
a rock and hitting someone who's the love of your
life than finding a narcissist. That's just your mindset. Everybody's
a narcissist. Well, there's more people that you can fall
in love with. So stop with the labels, stop with
the types, stop with the walls and the half assed
(20:52):
excuses and the half hearted reasons. Everyone is a possibility,
Everywhere is an opportunity. That is my belief, that is
my opinion, that is my advice. Do with it. Whatever
you wish uh shoot us an email Great Lovedebate at
gmail dot com. If you disagree or agree with any
(21:13):
of this, and don't tell me about your narcissist boyfriend,
You're gonna like no, really he was, Eh, don't care,
But most importantly like, share, follow, and please review this podcast.
You reviews mean a lot to me and the podcasting
ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we
never stopped making love. To see you next time, the
(21:37):
Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. Degreat Love Debate.
It's a Great Love Debate.
This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great
Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, degreat Love Debates,
It's Great Love. Hi again everyone, it's Brian Howie. Welcome
(00:20):
to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating
and relation podcast since twenty fifteen. I am in the
very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People.
I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's a very
nice one. Scottsdale's lovely. You gotta go to Scottsdale even
when it's like a million degrees. Scott Scottsdale's the best.
(00:43):
So sorry to all of you people who play places
that aren't Scottsdale and the ones that I also say
is the best, but Scottsdale is the best. On we go.
All of what I give you guys on this podcast,
as far as content is rooted in opinion, whether it's mine,
whether it's our guest, whether it's collective debate team here,
(01:07):
it's opinion. Most of what I give you guys personally
is belief. It's my belief. And some of what I
give you guys as advice, I don't like to give
a whole lot of advice or I don't like to
couch as advice. That seems a little too serious for me.
But there are two things that I'm going to talk
about today that are sort of tangentially related. Their bookends,
(01:31):
their compadres in all your dating misadventures and bad decisions.
So these are going to be my opinion. These absolutely
are my beliefs, and for sure this is my advice.
So do with this information whatever you like. It comes
with a warning label use it at your own benefit,
(01:55):
which some people simply don't want. I can't help you, say, Levy,
And I'm not sure how long I'm going to ramble.
We produce a lot of podcasts here at pod, popular
podcasts for the people, and when we get a new
show host in here and they're going to start up
their pod, they always ask how long should it be?
And our answer is always the same, which is as
long as you want, as long as it's engaging. If
(02:17):
you can engage someone for three hours almost every day,
like Joe Rogan, have at it. If you give somebody
a quick twenty have at it? Will you marry me? Yes?
Five words? Two seconds? Certainly engaging. That's certainly an engaging conversation.
And that's as long as it should go. It's not
about length, it's about width. So here we go. The
(02:41):
two bookends that I think get in the way of
your love life, working out and finding relationship happiness are
label and Type. Those are sort of like Greek mythological
figure that one is named label and one is leg type.
(03:02):
They're sitting on your shoulders and they're giving you terrible
advice in both ears. And we've touched on type a
bunch in the past, and I'll get into that portion
a bit more in a minute, but I want to
start with label or mislabeling. We seem to have this
pattern in this habit, and it's gotten worse over the
last decade or so to assign a definition or a
(03:25):
characteristic in absence of logic and reason. We've lost logic
and reason in this country and maybe on this planet
over the last fifteen years or so. But we want
to assign this definition like this happened because they're that
you want to know why it didn't work out, and
you say it's because he was X, not we weren't y,
(03:49):
he was X, or she was Z example a friend
of mine. I'm probably gonna have this podcast talk about
it because it drove me nuts. And she's been on
this show before. A friend of mine she recently had
a relationship end. And I won't even say that he
broke up with her because she didn't get into that,
at least publicly. She simply says to the world and
(04:11):
all of her social media platforms, it ended because quote,
he was a narcissist, which has become awfully fashionable in
the last decade or so. Suddenly every girl who is
no longer dating a guy the reason is because they
believe he's a narcissist. Is there something in the water?
(04:36):
Is it the chemicals and the McRib that suddenly made
every man a narcissist? Of course not, but it's the
lazy explanation. It's the one that seems quick and clean.
Does everyone, every single one of us, man and women,
have some narcissistic tendencies? Of course, if you took a
(04:57):
selfie of yourself and posted on the internet, you have
somearcissistic tendencies felt cute, might delete later, narcissistic tendencies. Look
at me, look at us having a good time. Narcissistic tendencies.
My expecting you to listen to my advice a bit
self centered and narcissist adjacent, no doubt, no doubt, But clinically,
(05:21):
statistically like zero point five percent of people are actual narcissists.
That's one out of every two hundred. Yet somehow every
girl who has a relationship go bad it's because he
was a narcissist. It seems strange, right, seems really improbable,
(05:45):
bad luck for everybody. She doesn't think he was an asshole,
though he probably was and is. She doesn't think he
was emotionally unavailable though he might have been, and maybe
doesn't think he had some trauma that he failed to
work through, though of course that's entirely possible. Nope, narcissist.
(06:06):
That's the reason. That's what I'm telling everybody. I'm great,
He's a terrible human being. End of story. A woman
at our show in Palm Beach a few months back
stood up and she said every guy she dated was
a narcissist, every single one. And I'm like, really, that's
(06:27):
some bad fucking luck, lady, How could that be? And
the guys guys definitely aren't better. She was bipolar, she
was a bit, she was crazy. Every girl is crazy,
Is it that or was she They them with a
(06:51):
lady simply a bit more complicated, more complicated than you
could handle. And guys, they're all more complicated than we
can handle. So grab a handle, strap in, hang on.
It's going to be a bumpy ride, but eventually you
will land safely. They're not crazy. You'll start to understand
how it works. Everything will slow down for you. You're like, oh,
(07:13):
this is what she likes, this is why she did.
It's not crazy. So why do we do this? And
what are we doing when we label the ones that
didn't work out because we're a little lazy and a
little dishonest with ourselves and a whole lot of refusing
to accept responsibility. The entire Great Love Debate tour and
(07:33):
this podcast came from me not understanding why people didn't
want to take more control and more responsibility for their
dating fate. Why they didn't want to take ownership of
the outcome never made sense to me. Then it doesn't
make sense to me. Now we are eight years into this,
I still don't get it. It might even be getting worse.
(07:55):
So I'm not sure how much we're helping, no matter
how many times I raise these questions to However, many people.
She is crazy, he was a narcissist. No, she isn't.
No he wasn't. It just didn't work out. And part
of the reason it's getting worse as far as this
labeling is, there is a boatload of life coaches and
(08:19):
relationship experts and dating gurus and blah blah blah who
are making a whole lot of money with buzzwords like
manifesting and self love and yes, narcissists. They are telling
you that he was a narcissist, and here's how to
identify it. It's bullshit, it's all bullshit. It's not you,
it's them. Don't listen to those people, don't take their courses,
(08:45):
don't follow their feeds, don't listen to their podcasts, and
don't read their books. You know what the greatest dating
book of them all is. It's not Mani from Mars,
Women from Venus, although that's a really good one, and
John Gray's been on this Pott cast and he was good.
It's not my book. It's not Think Like a Man,
(09:08):
it's not any of those books. The greatest dating book
of them all is He's just not that into you.
It really is. Holds up Gregan Liz. They captured all
of what actually happened in ninety five percent of situations
with those five words. He's just not that into you.
(09:30):
That's really the case almost all the time. So if
you want to play amateur psychologists to try and figure
out why he didn't call you back or why she
said she didn't want to go on the trip, they're
just not that into you. They're not crazy, they're not narcissists.
They're not whatever label you want. You know, it's been
(09:51):
said about me when I was a little younger and
just a hair cuter, just a hair cuter, that Brian
Howi's a place layer, that was a label a player?
Was I why because I dated a lot of girls,
A lot of girls liked me back, good for me,
(10:13):
good for you, Brian Howey, great for them. But it
was said like it was some sort of characteristic flaw,
this label player, like it was something I was doing
because there was something wrong with me. And if you
peel back the layers, really it was just about me
not really understanding who I was or what I wanted
or what I was capable of. It wasn't that the
(10:34):
girls individually weren't worthy of my time and focus and attention.
And it definitely wasn't that they weren't good enough, and
it certainly wasn't that they were crazy. I just wasn't capable.
And the ones that I really appreciated to this day,
many of them simply would say that he's just not capable.
(10:57):
I kind of liked that, even though it's not deafly
a thing to be. You want to be, you don't
want to be not capable. But I thought it was
more accurate and less dismissive than he was a player.
He was driven by this desire to just date all
these women and men. I had work to do, which
(11:18):
I did and still do, which we all do. And
that's the label that we want. Work in progress. Somebody said,
he's not a player, he's a work in progress. Accurate good.
I think we all are unfinished product. Brian, how he's
(11:40):
an unfinished product. He's to be continued. And that should
be about how you look at the guy or the
girl didn't work out with onto the next person. Trying
to put this this psychological profile onto your ex. You're
not a shrink, you're not a pharmacist's off her meds,
(12:02):
and you're not Clarie Starling trying to figure out why
and doing all this analysis of them. It's not your
job to solve their puzzle. It's your job to solve
yours and the labels. It's the laziest kind of excuse making.
And the sooner all of us take ownership of the outcome,
(12:22):
the easier it will be to move on to a
better one. So we're going to continue to try and
help you with that. I got to take a quick break,
so we'll be back with the book end to this
conversation right after this, and we are back. We were
just talking about labels, and as promised, the second part
(12:45):
of this is type, which we have spent quite a
bit of time on over the years. It's one of
the very first things I ever said at one of
our shows, and the question I get asked the most
by media people who want to know, what's the one
thing you've learned or what's the one thing people should know?
And I always say, get rid of the words not
(13:07):
my type. If you are over thirty and you are
still single, you have no type. Your type is not
working out for you, and the big pool of you
under thirty who are listening to this, you have no
idea what your type even is yet, so all of you,
all of us, type has no place in dating, none,
(13:31):
no clue. And we brought this up before and all
the arguments that come back. But what about values? We
need the same values, I mean, pipe down with that.
We all have essentially the same values. The ones who
don't that, they're a fraction. They're in the tiny, tiny,
(13:51):
tiny narcissist category if you want to put them there.
Almost everybody has the same values. The rest of the
stuff that you think are different values, their habits and
their superstitions and their patterns and their preferences and their
subject to change. And none of it has anything to
do with type. So why am I touching on this again?
(14:15):
You're like, you've talked about type before, because it's getting worse.
People are putting more specific information out there onto their
social media, into their dating profiles. No Democrats, no Trumpers. Lacroix,
Lacroix flavor is a whole thing now. People feel they
(14:38):
need to match their Lacroix flavor. They need to share
the same flavor preference because they imagine that they'll open
their mutual refrigerator and it'll just be a sea of blue,
pure Lacroix. You want to date a coconut girl. Oh,
you're strictly a lime guy. Sorry, there's a p umple
(15:00):
moose in your fridge. We can't go out a second time.
I mean, what is wrong with everyone? That's where we
are now. So all the ones we've had before, which
are ridiculous. I need a guy who's six 's four
Now you don't. I need a girl who watches Big
Bang Theory. No you don't. I need a vegan. I
want an episcopalian. Bronco fans make me happy because I
(15:21):
watch the game sixteen seventeen times a year, and so
fifty hours of the year. I need somebody who likes
the exact same thing I do. It's ridiculous. I find
blondes hot, blah blah blah. I can tell you right now.
I can find a hundred people, one hundred men or
one hundred women, whichever you prefer, who are the polar
(15:42):
opposite of what you think you want and need and like,
and you would date every single one of them in
two seconds. You would. I'll be your fucking matchmaker. But
we do it my way, for my price. So venmo me,
let's get to work. But Seriously, all you're doing when
(16:04):
you're ruling people out with type or this or that,
you're shrinking the pool of what is let in, and
you're ruling out so many people who should absolutely be
in or at least have the opportunity to be in.
We want to know who I should date. You're always
asking who should I date? Do you know anybody I
(16:25):
should date? Who should I date? The answer is simple,
pretty much everyone. So you should date, so you have
to marry him. They don't have to be your boyfriend
or girlfriend should date him, should least be open to it.
You don't have to have a stake with every dude.
And no, you don't have to ask out everyone, and
you don't want to kiss, but you should be open
to whatever, whenever, with whomever the possibilities when you least
(16:50):
expect it. I think that's a movie. Ann Hathaway. Movie
feels like a movie, feels like a rom com. But
when you least expect it, it's a real thing. And
when you least expect it, it's never about time, it's
never about place. It's about the person. The person made
the time and the place the right one. I was
(17:13):
looking for the right relationship. Let the right relationship. Find
you do this, write down the ten things that you
think you like or want or deserve, then spend a
weekend trying to find someone who's the opposite of those
ten things. Like that old Seinfeld episode with George doing
(17:35):
the opposite where you order the chicken salad in so
of the tune I heard the tune instead of the
chicken salad, whor you did the opposite and the end
up with the Yankees do that. I'm not saying it's
gonna work out, or that you need to do ten
opposites out of ten, but I think you'll see that
two for ten, or seven for ten, or even zero
for ten, it's all gonna blurt together. I think you'll
(17:56):
forget about the ten and the ten things won't matter
at all because you're looking for reasons to stay out
of something instead of finding a way to get in something.
You really don't know what you like, You aren't sure
what feels right to you feel it. I'm not saying
you're suddenly like Lemon Lacroix, but you certainly shouldn't care
(18:19):
that they do. And that's sort of the point. You're
not if you're trying to date what you like and
everything that's the same as you. You're the narcissist because
you're trying to date yourself. That's what it comes down to.
You're not sure what you're like. Now, you're definitely not
sure what you like. In ten years, you should change.
(18:40):
Things should change even if you like them one thousand
percent and check every box. Your boxes will change as
they should, and their ability to check or uncheck them
over time will change as they should. So to keep
saying I want need, demand this and this and throw
it onto your dating prooil and profile and put it
(19:02):
out to the universe, it's ridiculous. There are literally people
who put no narcissists on their profile. You know that's
going to attract He's going to get turned on by
that actual narcissists. They're going to be excited by the
challenge I'll show her. And if you break it down
(19:24):
by the math, see how type and label blurred together here.
If you break it all down by the math. In
my book where this all started, if you talk to
or spent a little time with engaged for a moment
sixty seconds the book's called Out of Fine Love and
sixty seconds, and that meant that if you engage with
(19:45):
one thousand people of the opposite sex for sixty seconds, statistically,
between six and seven of them are somebody you would
eventually fall in love with. Between six and seven out
of a thousand. I think if I broke down, then
I think it was like six point two. If you
talk to one thousand people for sixty seconds, six point
(20:07):
two of them you would fall in love with. Zero
point six percent. That seems very low, right, that's needle
in a haystack, right, But only one out of two
hundred people, as I said earlier, as a narcissist, that's
five out of a thousand. That's only point five percent.
Love wins always. You have a better chance of throwing
(20:30):
a rock and hitting someone who's the love of your
life than finding a narcissist. That's just your mindset. Everybody's
a narcissist. Well, there's more people that you can fall
in love with. So stop with the labels, stop with
the types, stop with the walls and the half assed
(20:52):
excuses and the half hearted reasons. Everyone is a possibility,
Everywhere is an opportunity. That is my belief, that is
my opinion, that is my advice. Do with it. Whatever
you wish uh shoot us an email Great Lovedebate at
gmail dot com. If you disagree or agree with any
(21:13):
of this, and don't tell me about your narcissist boyfriend,
You're gonna like no, really he was, Eh, don't care,
But most importantly like, share, follow, and please review this podcast.
You reviews mean a lot to me and the podcasting
ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we
never stopped making love. To see you next time, the
(21:37):
Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. Degreat Love Debate.
It's a Great Love Debate.
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