TJ Miller Returns

Talking with TJ Miller ("Deadpool," "Extract," "Silicon Valley," etc) is like wrangling a rodeo bull.  A sarcastic, hilarious rodeo bull.  Knowing that was coming, the radio show leading up to that conversation was similarly goofy and sporadic.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scott VORDIEZ let me do at least one news story
in this segment, and you heard about this on Lucy's
time save for traffic updates throughout the day, there was
some police activity at a restaurant a place that we've
never had, the Gourmet Club.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I don't I don't even know that much about it.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I don't know that it would work out great because
they do have a party room there, but it's not
like we need fifty to eighty people. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't want to rule anything out.
Great restaurant, But there's a restaurant there at seventy second
and Spring, near seventy second and Grover, And Lucy was

(00:37):
saying that we got a lane of seventy second Street
closed down and there's some police activity. Well what happened
was police were at the restaurant in that area where
a person had broken in tied up. The staff of
the restaurant held a gun on them and said, tell
me once and for all, how do you pronounce the
name of this restaurant? Oh? Is it? Is it? Spezia?

(01:01):
Is it Spezia? I am not leaving and I will
start shooting hostages unless I get some answers. All right,
most of that was not true. I think someone broke
in and stole some chicken pecada. I don't I don't know,
but there was a burglary reported this morning, and that's

(01:22):
what was going on there at the restaurant. Spelled spezia.
How do you pronounce it? Is there an agreed upon way?

Speaker 2 (01:34):
I think so, and that would be spizia.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
See, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
I don't know, but I believe that's accurate.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I want to say spazia. It just sounds more exotic.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Well, I told you once that the bread that you
buy that is delicious with hummus. Yes, is nney. I
told you that once.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
You said nanny.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Uh huh. I believed it too, So don't go by
spezia from me.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
None. That is what we're talking about. Correct, Non bread? Yeah,
it's bread. Well you said it's non bread. What's bread?
All right? Is that the only news story I'm going
to get to in this segment. I want to come
back to a couple of things we've addressed throughout the week,

(02:27):
because we have an update on a little girl in
our area who has the most unique name. There's an
update on that story. There is an update on the
story I told you a few days ago on the
airline that said, do you mind if this passenger sits
by you by the rest for the rest of flight,
And this nice couple going to Italy said, you know,

(02:49):
this is the fantastic would be great? Please? Who is it?
And then they put a dead body next to them
and they're like, wait, this is a dead body and
he gets the window seat. So we have an update
on that case. You have to get to all this next,
Scott Gordies. Senator Chuck Grassley has booked for Monday morning,

(03:10):
so he was listening to this program and thought, I've
got to be a part of this. This is focused,
this is important. I need to come on there, and
so he's on Monday. You know who else was listening
to that first segment. By the way, Chuck Grassley wasn't listening.
I don't think. I don't know, but he'll he will
be on Monday morning, nine thirty five. You know who

(03:30):
else was listening to that first segment, which was an
absolute mess that I enjoyed. Hard to say you referenced
Montes and Sherry. Sherry was listening like I Marry Montes,
now I hope Montes is listening to that. Let's talk
about all of our radio friends. You know what, I

(03:52):
will reference a couple other radio people, Todd and Tyler
because our and I don't know if he wants me
to mention this or not. You know, Craig Evans was
a big part of that program for several years and
then we stole him. And apparently I didn't realize this
till this morning. He's friends with TJ. Miller. Now TJ

(04:14):
Miller is coming in the studio here in an hour
from now, he's coming in. He's coming in. Well asterisk.
Anytime a comedian says I'm getting up and coming in,
you never know. I have. I've been stood up by
a lot of people on this program as guests, and

(04:34):
I think the highest percentage of types of guests I've
booked on this program and been stood up by comedians.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
I could see that. Well, they're busy late.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
No, they're they're nocturnal creatures. Yeah, and these guys they
don't roll up until like two o'clock and after they're
like wake up, going, ah, man, that was a good
night's sleep two oh seven pm. You know, it's it's
a whole different life. Davatel was the last comedian to

(05:09):
stand us up, and I wasn't surprised. He was the insomniac.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Oh yeah, I remember.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Great show. Here was the Davatel Insomniac show. It would
show him getting off stage at the end of his
comedy set, which would usually get done in some club
around midnight. He'd telled the crowd good night, and the
cameras would start following him, and then we would just
see what he was doing all night, whether it was
drinking at a local college bar or and usually that's

(05:36):
how it would start. He'd get a few more in
his belly, and then he would find these guys that
work all night and go hang out with them. And
it was kind of like a cross between a functional
alcoholic and Mike Rose Dirty Jobs. It was and with
a comic sensibility, and Davatel is one of the best
that's ever been. What a great show. Obviously not something

(05:58):
that's going to be seven seasons long, but for what
it was in those halcyon days of Comedy Central, where
you had early John Stewart, Steve Carell, and Steve Colbert
on The Daily Show and Lewis Black and the rest
of these guys, and then David Tail with Insomniac South

(06:19):
Park was it is still fantastic those and also the
fact that I was in my twenties. I think all
of that really came together well in the late nineties.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
Was it Dane Cook that was also pretty involved with them?

Speaker 1 (06:36):
I think you're thinking of Tosh. Daniel Tosh Tosh point
zero had a show on there. And the thing about
him is I never thought he was funny, and then
I've heard some of his stand up stuff since and
I realized, Oh, he's one of the funniest people ever
and insensitively darkly so and really blue. Yes he's that's

(07:00):
not like, hey, kids, come in here and let's see
what Daniel Tosh has to say. Yeah, did I miss him?
Is he coming to Omaha? Is still coming up? Okay,
I want to go see him. I've never seen him.
I don't want to do that story. All right, let's
do that. I just I just looked at a story
and it had horrible words in there. Not horrible words,

(07:25):
just like sad, sad words like that. That's like, oh,
that's a political rant and that's sad. That's the media
lying to it. Here I'll just sum up that story
in one way, Uh Media, I to you again now
in other in sports, No, here's here's this one. Last week,
I think we gave you the details of a very

(07:49):
unique girl who I think should not change her name.
She doesn't really have much to say about it. She's two.
But the circumstances were, as far as we can tell,
this boy meets girl. Boy may or may not have
put a baby and girl. Girl runs off, has some issues,

(08:13):
gives birth to baby. Girl. Boy says, how do I
know that's my daughter? He kind of goes round and
round in limbo. Girl continues to have ish mama. Girl
continues to have issues. State comes along and says we'll
take the baby. Girl After DNA testing. They go back
to boy and say this is your daughter. He's like,

(08:34):
all right, I'm gonna step up and be a man
and raise this little girl and I'm gonna name her Caroline.
And they said, well, it looks like she already has
a name. And this is where we learned that an
apartment Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services not having
a birth certificate, a social Security number, or any documentation

(08:56):
they needed to name this girl. And apparently Jane Doe
was so they they asked a computer to generate a name. Wait,
what computer? Who? What do you do? You asked Google?
Do you ask chat GPT? Do you call Elon Musk?

(09:19):
What computer is doing this here? Let's try this, Hey, Siri,
what should I name by baby daughter? I need a first, middle,
and last name.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
What did you get?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
It actually came up with the name.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Well, now you know which computer? Scott's phone.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
No, it just went into my contacts and reminded me,
Oh it's sad. Reminded me, oh no. My daughter turned
eighteen on Tuesday. Right, I'll come back to the main
story in a moment. Quick side note. One of the
notifications we got upon her eighteenth birthday was from the

(10:10):
doctor's office and said, now that your daughter is eighteen,
any conversation she has between her and her medical provider
are between her and her medical provider. She needs to
fill out new paperwork and do an online portal and
all this stuff, and set all this stuff up on
her own in case she has any confidential things she
needs to talk to her doctor about that don't involve you,

(10:32):
her stupid parents.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
But aren't you still paying for it?

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, so she's an adult now and she needs to
do all this stuff. So that was like a rude
slap in the face. And by the way, happy birthday
to dear a little girl. You know that kind of thing.
So now no longer now is her doctor apparently her pediatrician,
which brings me back to asking my phone to name

(10:55):
my baby girl. It just came up with a content
act in my phone baby doc, and then doctor's name.
I was not going to remember the doctor's name, so
I saved it in my phone as baby doc.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
So the number, the name it gave you in its completion,
the whole three pieces, yeah, is in your phone in
some other place. It just it just wanted to it,
so it won't give it to you.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, like me, It tried in vain to please its
master and failed. You know that's what me doing that
for you? Anyway, The Nebraska Department of Health and Human
Services says, name this kid, and it came back with
three words unikite, which is a gemstone that no one's

(11:47):
ever heard of. Hey, I've heard of it. I'll shut up. Sorry,
I don't mean to tell you to shut up. You're fine,
you can keep talking to someone else. Unikite thirteen. There's
a number that no one knows. Hey, I know that,
I get shut up. No one asked you. And the

(12:08):
last name was Hotel. Everyone's heard of a hotel. Okay, good.
Unikite thirteen Hotel was taken custody of the state of
Nebraska with no birth certificate and no social Security number,
just a computer generated name. And as we said, I

(12:29):
actually don't hate that. Some employee with DHS said, well,
I can't name this kid. That's not my job, so
we'll just have a computer do it. Unikite thirteen Hotel.
And I wonder if that was the first thing it
spat out, and they're like, hey, we told you, you
know you flip a coin, this is what you get,

(12:51):
or if they if it came up with seven other
names before they were finally like, I don't think we're
getting anything better than this. Came up a student names
that no one ever named their kid, like Moon, Unit,
Zappa or something like that. So eventually Unikite thirteen Hotel.
And now they give the kid back to dad, and
Dad said, I can't get a birth certificate, she's got

(13:15):
no social Security number. I can't get her in daycare.
I can't get her insurance. If I die, I can't
leave her my largess, you know, and all the rest
of this stuff. And so he'd been trying to get
from the state, like I just need a birth certificate
and a Social Security number, and everyone's like, oh, I

(13:35):
no idea how to do that? You know why? Because
Elon Musk fired everybody, That's what. No, I don't I
don't know why this was so hard. Can't someone just
make a call to somebody like Don Bacon's bringing people
back to life in its town hall meetings.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
But didn't you say she was born at home? I
think so that could be the sticking point.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
I think he was born in the back of an
amc E. I don't see. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah,
she's born in the back of Javelin, which was one
of the names they didn't go with, which would be
a good name. Yeah, man, I'm gonna rename my son
Javelin Uniky little Javelin vorhees Hey, jav. Quit hanging out

(14:20):
in your room by yourself, daan night. I don't know
what you're doing in there, Yes I do, and I
don't want to know. Come out and hang out with
your family so I can yell at you in the
living room. An actual conversation I had with my son
last night, little javelin. So here's the update to the story.
First Alert WWT the soon to be Niceliness Channel six

(14:41):
News says they now have uh, they now have some
sort of documentary. She has a social security number. That's
what we learned the other day. She now has a
social security number. It's five. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
I thought you were really gonna wait stop.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
No, dude, it was generated by a computer. See, no
one has a problem with that. That was generated by
a computer. And now they got to have to do
a court motion in Iowa because she was born in Iowa.
That's where the javelin was driving through Iowa. And they'll
update the birth certificate with the social security number, and

(15:28):
then he has to go through another process to change
the baby's name from Unikite to Caroline or Caroline. I
don't know how he's gonna pronounce it. I hope someday,
like on her eighteenth birthday, she says, I'm Unikite. I
came into this world unikite, and now I'm going to

(15:49):
legally change my name back to Unikite.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
I would support that.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
But right right now, we got daddy and daughter and
some docus imitation. That's there. That's three d's. Yeah, that's
triple d's right there, and everyone's happy about triple ds.
Oh the airline story. The guy, yeah, I have an
update on this story. Uh. Next, this is where they said, like,

(16:20):
if you guys don't mind, we have a passenger. We're
gonna sit here next to you. He may or may
not be alive. And the couple's like, wait, what Scott
boys snooze Radio eleven kfab You guys in the Zonker's
Custom woods inbox, it's Scott akfab dot com. You should

(16:41):
be ashamed of yourselves. I do the story about two
little a little two year old girl named Unakite. I
got a number of guys here saying, hey, if she
ever ends up a stripper, she's got a perfect name
for it. Guys. She was born in Council Bluffs. Find
me one girl from Council Bluffs that ever ended up

(17:04):
on the pole, Just one please, Now let's continue. Yeah,
it was it was Lucy. It was Cutter Airways otherwise
known as Qatar Airways, otherwise known as guitar airways.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Well, you never mentioned that before. This story now makes
so much more sense.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
This is the couple from Australia that was heading to Italy.
Fourteen hour flight from Melbourne to Doha. Where's Doha? Oh
that's in Qatar, I think. Then they were going on
to Italy. Great, so that explains why it was a
cutter Airways flight. So about ten hours into a fourteen

(17:57):
hour flight, it was a woman who may or may
not have died. I'll explain that comment in a moment.
The airline crew dealt with the situation as best they could,
and then they went to this couple who were heading
on from there to Venice and said, I hope you

(18:18):
don't mind, but since there's a seat next to you,
we have a passenger here who's really sleepy. I don't know,
I don't know how they explained it, but they put
this dead body in the seat next to them, covered
her up with blankets. Like great, now I got a mummy.
You know what if this woman comes back to life,

(18:38):
I'll have eight heart attacks at once.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Really, and now you've got two dead bodies, right and what?

Speaker 1 (18:46):
So they placed this body covered in blankets in the
seat next to them, and the couple was like, can
can we change seats, They're like, it's flights full, Like
don't you have a baggage hold or something like, oh that,
we're not going to do that. So their course complaining,
saying it's spent four hours next to a dead body.
Now I said, I don't know if you've ever been

(19:08):
on an international flight, but really, no matter where you sit,
it's inconvenient for you and everybody else at some point.
Unless you're on the end seat, then you can kind
of get up and go to the bathroom as you please.
But even if you're on the end seat, if anyone
in the middle or the end seat or the window
seat has to get up and go, you got to
get up and move. You gotta do all the rest
of this stuff. You get the baggage cart banging into
your elbows. I mean, anything could happen. I mean there's

(19:29):
no real perfect way of doing this. But you've got
a dead person hanging there and the seat next to you.
They're not going to be getting up and using the
bathroom or saying stewardess, we're called flight attendants, can you
bring me an extra seven up or something like that.
So really they're not going to be watching filthy movies

(19:52):
next to you. It's really not that bad a deal
if you think about it. So you got that, and
now the airline says, we took a look at the
whole thing and our crew did absolutely nothing wrong. Now
Charles here in the email gives some idea as to
why that might be. He says, this happened to him.
What he said this He emailed the other day when

(20:14):
I was talking about this, and he said, Yeah, you
can't actually technically die on a flight.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
You want to know why, Well, nobody could pronounce you.
I guess nobody could verify it.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
I don't know, maybe maybe maybe, but it just becomes
a logistical headache for like I died somewhere over China,
you know, so like then then how do we do
all the documentation all so they just as soon as
you land, then you're pronounced and you've you've officially died,
like oh were he was hanging on to the very

(20:54):
end and now he is stone cold dead. And so
that's why you can't technically put a dead person next
to someone in a flight. They're not officially dead yet.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 4 (21:07):
That is?

Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, just add that to the list of things that
are making people feel nervous about flying these days. I
can't blame me on this one, Lucy, I can't because
we have a celestial rarity happening tonight, and I'm sure
that the vibes in the atmosphere are such that it's

(21:29):
already kind of throwing off everyone's equilibrium and spirit animals.
When planets align, it's a pretty rare thing. It's pretty uncommon.
If you get three or four planets aligned, that's pretty rare. Tonight,

(21:53):
seven all seven planets apart from Earth, line up in
order of their distance from the Sun. Can you name
all of them from closest to the Sun to furthest
away from the Sun.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Absolutely, I cannot.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
And they they're not counting Pluto, which, sorry the gen
xer and me is saying, well, not all of them
are lining up, but as it may, really you can't.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
I really cannot. Mercury, there's like that one.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Does it help if I if I start? Can you
think of what is Apollo?

Speaker 2 (22:33):
One of them? The moon? Right? The moon is a planet.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
I'm looking at all these buttons I can press right now?
None of them? Well maybe this one Sun?

Speaker 2 (22:51):
The Sun.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
Sun mean.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Uranus, There we go.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
That's out Mercury, that's out there. I already said Mercury, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter,
then Saturn or Saturn.

Speaker 2 (23:21):
Then here's the things got Jupiter, then Jupiter.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
Then Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
I know all of those words, those names. I just
couldn't have put them in a line. You could to
line them up like that.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Right, Well, they're they're all other than Earth. They're all
going to be in alignment tonight. It's a once. If
you're thinking, like, does this ever happen? Yeah, it happens
about once every hundred years.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
What are they lining up with each other?

Speaker 1 (23:55):
You know how how lines go? What do you mean?
What are they lining up with? They're lining up with
each other.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
Were they lighting up with the Sun or with the Earth?

Speaker 1 (24:06):
I don't know. Do you want to go get our
guests at the front door? Remove yourself.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
No, I'm actually having quite a great time. Craig's gonna
go get them.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
Oh okay, cool, all right, all right, I say, Craig
is coming to find you. Anyway. That's happening tonight. So
I imagine that there's some sort of weird thing happening
in the atmosphere do you believe in psychics? No?

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Did you say that this wasn't going to happen for
another one hundred years? Yeah, I read fifteen, But that
isn't guaranteed.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
It's approximately a once in a century event. I see,
And there might maybe it happens twice in fifteen years
and then it doesn't happen again for another two hundred years.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
Oh, I see.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
So I don't believe in psychics.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
So okay. No, here's a conversation that I had with
my wife the other day. She believes in psychics. I
don't know. I've heard things from psychics that were absolute garbage,
you know, like these people that advertise these things in
the middle of the night, like are you lonely?

Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Are you bad with money? Oh? My gosh, it's like
you're looking into my soul. Call me ten dollars a minute. Okay, yeah.
But then I've had psychics, mostly psychics Susannah tell me things.
I'm like, that's that's really weird that you know that.
And it's not a generalization like it's specific. So my

(25:37):
wife believes in psychics, which is fine, and a very
very good friend of hers also does, and when they've
been together and she lives time zones away, so it's
not very often when they get together. They usually go
look for haunted stuff and go talk to a psychic.

Speaker 5 (25:54):
You know.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
This is their idea of a good time. And they're
just laughing and goofing off like middle school kids. It's
super cute. So whatever, And of course it costs a
billion dollars, but whatever. So my wife's friend her, she
has a let's see, how do I how do I

(26:15):
go about doing this? In some generalizations, a family member
died in the past year, and her mom my wife's
friends and she's my friend too. I'm just gonna you
know what, My wife's out of the conversation. It's too confusing.
So my friend's mom is talking to my friend saying,
I'm very disturbed that this family member who passed has

(26:38):
not come to visit me. Since they've been gone, I
haven't gotten any signs, nothing in dreams.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
You mean they haven't been to visit since they died.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yeah, since they since they died, I've not gotten anything
that I've taken as a as an evident sign of
visitation or a sign. So my friend mom said, why
don't you go to your psychic friend? I'll pay for it,
and you please ask this world renowned psychic, Yes this

(27:12):
is somewhere in California. Asked this world renowned psychic about
this family member and what I have done to upset
them so that they're not visiting me. And I said,
how much does that cost? And my wife said, well,
when the last time she went and did it before,
COVID two hundred dollars for like twenty minutes, and now

(27:35):
it's five hundred dollars, thanks a lot, Biden, and I
did that. And so she tells her mom. She's like, well,
you know, psychic Frank or whatever his name is, it's
five hundred dollars for a short session. And the mom's like,
I'll send you the money and pay it now. Because
this friend lives in California. She's not exactly flush with

(27:58):
cash right now, trying to make ends meet out there.
And I said, all right, well, if mom here in
the Midwest got an extra five hundred dollars to throw
out to our friend, here's what I advise her to do.
You say, Mom, I let's let's save everyone the money here.

(28:20):
I'm not saying that she should take money from mom.
We'll save everyone the money. Say, I got a message
from Grandma. I was driving to see the psychic and
over the AM radio, you know, because of the amplitude modification,
modulation and and and all the rest of this stuff,

(28:41):
I heard a voice coming through the radio and it
was it was Grandma and she has a message for you.
Oh my gosh, what was it? She said, If you've
got a time share, I can get you out of
that time share. You call me. You don't need to
pay one more dime of that time share. I'll get

(29:01):
you out of that time share right now.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Oh I'm a believer.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
I'm Chuck mcdowan. I don't like attorneys. I'm not an attorney.
I might be your grandma. I'm saving you five hundred dollars.
We'll get you out of that time share right now.
Scott for News Radio eleven ten kfab and we have
here in the studio someone who we ask all of
our favorite guests in this program to say a line

(29:26):
that we feel is the best thing to hear first
thing in the morning, and that line is, good morning, honey,
I made you pancakes for breakfast. And on a recent
appearance on this program, TJ. Miller, comedian actor said good.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
Morning, honey.

Speaker 6 (29:40):
I bought you flipping pancakes.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
I mean flipping pancakes for your flipping morning.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
And you're flipping weights, flipy as.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
Whether it's Silicon Valley or Deadpool or even Ready Player one.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
Irack old friend. Now, are.

Speaker 6 (30:11):
To be honest, I have kind of a neck thing.
It's like a carporal tunnel deal. But with your neck,
that's even things. So if you could just stand until
you're right, my right, you're left, its repetitive.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
That is DJ Miller who's in the studio with this man. Yeah,
that's one of my favorite movies. And that is such
a funny scene there.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
We were just talking about it. It's the only movie
that I've ever watched. And then right at the end,
I was like, I'm gonna watch this again, and I
watched it back to back. It's so fun, right, it's
it's so visually stunning.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
And it has all the eighties references, which so fun.
I marinate in those references now and.

Speaker 4 (30:53):
They're all such good references, and I don't know, it's
it's really cool. And now I realized that we'll talk about,
you know, how the nineties is coming back?

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Have you heard that? Kelly Collett.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Kelly Collette is also here, and I should mention that
TJ is in the studio because he's in Omaha at
the Funny Bone. Two sold out shows tonight, two sold
out shows tomorrow night. You've done something unheard of. You
added a three point thirty like a matinee performing.

Speaker 3 (31:21):
It's so rare.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Yeah, but it's.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
Happening of the Omaha Funny about tomorrow afternoon go to
almost Night. No, it is tomorrow afternoon, Omaha thirty. Why
not come to matinee?

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Well that's what I like. I like matinee because most
comedians aren't even awake at three thirty in the afternoon.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
I'm getting up at three point fifteen.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
I'll tell you what. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Mattinee is a great excuse to drink during the day.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
As if people from Omaha like that.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Omaha dot Funnybone dot com for taking information. And Kelly
Collette is the opening act there as well. Sorry, you
and Kelly were gonna have a conversation. I'll just hang back.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
No, no, I know I was gonna say, you're a
childie eies.

Speaker 5 (32:00):
Yeah. I think they're calling us now they're renaming millennials
to like the goonies generation. I think they're calling I know, yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
So that's good.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
So I am barely not a millennial, but that I
sort of thank god I'm not. But I all that stuff,
like you, I marinate in the eighties references and so.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
It's just so fun.

Speaker 4 (32:20):
But now recently, all the nineties they're coming and I
can feel that the nineties weren't as cool like Eve.
Even people who are trying to get it back and moving,
I just don't think even they are that excited about it.

Speaker 5 (32:35):
I think the fashion is what's coming back more than anything.
It's not like they're going back to like rewatch old TV.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
Shows or friends. Even my people, my daughter, she's a teenager,
they all watch Friends.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
Yeah, Friends in the office is the thing. But that's
pretty much it. And as far as fashion goes, like
what fashion has really like.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
The wide light jeans, yeah, well, big green sweatsuits. You look,
here's an eighties movie. Here's an eighties reference for you.
You look like moss Man from he Man. You're just
like big and green and fuzzy.

Speaker 4 (33:08):
And so I took off my green jacket because you
have a reputation for brading people during your program regarding
their fashion sense and choices.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Look, this is not a free ride for t J. Miller.
I'm gone wheel new one. Yeah right, that's right.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
Man, moss Man is a giant moss Yeah, oh Man,
to be honest with you, and I am wearing kind
of a moss ish fleece green suit. But that's because
my wife told me. Kate said, she goes well in
how she put it, she goes well, it's going to
be a tough one in Omaha. It's going to be

(33:44):
very cold, so you should maybe bring I should should
I bring a long underwear?

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Yeah, bring your long Jonathan's.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah, last last formal than long John's last week would
have been horrible to be here? Was was as these
last week or the week before? Yeah? So when as
the's and Zari was at the Funny Bone last week
he disease. I'm sorry, Yes, he was freezing you though
you're here at at first Spring over dress it's it's
it's awesome.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
So that's it looks like moss Man.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
But you know what, we want our guests to be comfortable.
To keep taking off clothes until you're comfortable.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yes, until I'm as naked as the day, and.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
We want our headliners at the Funny Bone to feel
at home here. Now the opening act, tell me about you, Kelly,
Who the heck are you anyway? What what big Marvel
movies were you in?

Speaker 5 (34:31):
Yeah, I didn't get I don't have a SoundBite.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Yeah, yeah, I have no intro for you.

Speaker 7 (34:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (34:37):
And TJ has been working on a catchphrase. I'm trying
to work on my own, he says, yea yeammy, No,
I don't have I'm from I'm from Ohio. So yeah,
feel right at home here in Omaha.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah. So it's good to have you.

Speaker 5 (34:53):
I'm just a comic and TJ and I get along
really well.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
And she's one of the only like comedians that are
out there. Like her style is neurotic, and I know
her through a mutual friend of ours, Matt Bergman, has
kind of got a similar style. But it's really really cool,
and it's nice to to travel with somebody who's so different,
you know, I mean she's still white. Yeah, she's frustrating, obviously,

(35:17):
but no, but it's cool. She has such a different
perspective and she gets up there and she is killed.
She's so so funny. And we performed in Columbus was
the first.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
Time we Columbus done Appleton together, and then we did
a couple more things.

Speaker 4 (35:30):
Were we in we were somewhere where we were drinking
mimosas in the morning or she calls them the truth
juice awesome, but Awestome was so fun. But in Columbus
she just murdered and I was like, who is this person?

Speaker 3 (35:42):
And how do we get this girl? Maybe to do
some road dates? And she's obliged me with that.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
Even though I look like a moss Kelly, well, you
know who you look like. It occurred to me, you
look like the Musenex character about me. I was like,
thank you, No, I love this is directed radio audio
through to TJ. Miller. You've voiced them us the next
character in those commercials.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
And one time I said, I was recording and I go,
can I just guy us a question? There in the booth?

Speaker 4 (36:08):
You know I'm behind glass, Did you guys hire me?
Because I always sound sick and there's this pause and
you can see all of them talking, you can't hear.
I'm just gonna say, yes.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Well, all right, we got TJ. Miller here, we got
Kelly Colette here. They're both at The Funny Bone tonight tomorrow.
It's the three point thirty show that we're still needing
to sell out. Just announced here Omaha dot Funnybone dot
com if you want to see these guys tomorrow. But TJ,
when you are when they contact you and say, all right,
we got a spot for you on this show or

(36:43):
this movie or whatever, you're like, let me guess, kind
of sarcastic. Maybe I don't have all my crap together. Uh,
you know, I look like I just exactly like I
want to spread my wings and fly. I want to
do something else.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
I'm just flying around? Sure, Baddy, where is my wallet?
Do you do?

Speaker 1 (37:04):
You want to be outside of what if one loves
about the TJ Miller character and all these different things,
well it's.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
Yeah, really I really do, because I care so much.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
No, I just take the parts that I think are
really funny, you know, and stuff that I can do
and I can bring a lot to. Like I'm doing
a film in Los Angeles next week actually, and it's
about Ai and I'm kind of I am playing sort
of one of the two people that started this company
and they came in and there like you know, he's
like kind of tech bro, and he's you know, he's

(37:41):
really BROI and then that's the deal. And I said,
I don't think I think this.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
Would be a lot funnier if he's like a guy
that went to.

Speaker 4 (37:47):
Abitha and like took so much ecstasy and MDMA that
now he's on that tip almost like a Jack Dorsey
kind of vibe.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
And they love that, and so that that's kind of
what I'm doing.

Speaker 4 (38:00):
The other thing is people let me do whatever I want, essentially,
And I'm excited because I think the part it's so
much funny to be like, yeah, all right, bros, let's
get it together. We're gonna put you know, year over year,
quarter after quarter, we'll be making more money. And I
think it's just more like, look at what we've done.
You guys, look at each other right now, look at
one another. Now, look inwards. Now look at each other.

(38:21):
Now look outward. Okay, now it's all masturbate, not literally
but metaphorically, and now literally if you want it.

Speaker 3 (38:29):
It's twenty twenty five. Who here feels like who they are?
Who here feels like me? Or a woman?

Speaker 4 (38:35):
Version like that to me was more funny. It was
more funny and more interesting and so that's sort of
that is what I'll do for that film. And it's
on it's about Ai. So I'm also very interested in
AI right now. And so that was another reason that
I was like, Oh, okay, I can get into this.
It's called A I Love You.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
I can't wait to see that. Now. You got to
get out of town here because you're going to the
Academy Awards on Sunday. I got a Best Supporting Actor
for Office Christmas Party. Yeah, I've graduated.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
I got nominated years after it.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Was well, it was you know, it's within the Oscar window.
I don't know how it works.

Speaker 4 (39:14):
The kind of deserves it again, I I Yeah, Kate
and I got invited to the Night before, which is
like the big Oscars party, but I'm performing.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Have you read I'm not gonna dip out it?

Speaker 7 (39:30):
Have you?

Speaker 4 (39:30):
Colleen Quinn no comedy club experience. She officiated our wedding.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Do you know that?

Speaker 7 (39:36):
No?

Speaker 1 (39:36):
I didn't.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
My wife and I Kate.

Speaker 4 (39:38):
Kate was the one I told people, I said. Colleen
Quinn is officionati and wedding. She's the owner of the
the comedy club Funny Bone. She's sort of the queen
pen of all funny bones across the United States, and
they would go, whoa weird move, TJ making a career
move on that you Actually, it's not true. Kate was
the one who brought it up. She said, do you

(39:59):
think I I think this is weird. I'm just going
to throw it out there, but I think it would
be so perfect. Do you think if we asked Colleen
Quinn to officiare a wedding, do you think she'd do it?
And I was like, uh, yeah, I think so. That
would be perfect.

Speaker 3 (40:13):
And so then we came to it. We were so
nervous and uh and I said, you know, he said,
do you remember how we came to I think we both.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Colleen's in the studio Grandma Mike.

Speaker 7 (40:22):
I said, I don't do that.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
That's right, That's exactly right.

Speaker 6 (40:26):
I don't do that.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
You are so wrong to ask me.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
And I was like, okay, please hire me again.

Speaker 7 (40:32):
Not a problem, not a problem. But I did get
my little universal minister and I said one and done.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Yeah, one thing.

Speaker 7 (40:39):
This marriage has to last. Otherwise I'm not doing this
with you too, and I'm never doing it again.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
You're an ordained minister now, Yeah, I am ridiculous take
that atheist. Colin Quinn and other.

Speaker 7 (40:53):
Comics have asked me, and I have declined.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Wow, we feel very very very fortunate.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
Other com comedians have asked you to marry them. I mean,
that's why, that's why Nate Bargatzi was at your place
a couple of weeks ago, Sweet Nate.

Speaker 7 (41:06):
But I will oversee some divorces.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
She's gonna be what is it called the magistrate. She's
gonna be the magistrate oversee the divorce.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Very cool.

Speaker 4 (41:17):
Well, yeah, so that's that's pretty neat. And we're still
you know, we've been together now, you know, seven and
a half months, and so we'll just see how together
for a little longer than that, almost nine or ten years.
You should probably know it's you. It's your wedding. Yeah,
she's the same. Kate's the same way. She's people be like,
how long have you guys been married? She has to
look it up on the internet. All right, that's true love.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
That is TJ. Miller. We've got Kelly Coleette and Colin
Quinn here of you. One more segment twenty We've got
one more se twenty two years and a couple of months.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Wow. Really yeah, yeah, yeah, that's amazing. I could see that.
You seem like an excellent husband.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
Look like some one who's looked like he was in
his eighties since he was a teenager, Is that true?
It's the gray hair, isn't it.

Speaker 7 (42:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Since I was twenty Wow, in the steam Martin, in
the steam Martin of radio. That's right?

Speaker 3 (42:11):
Did you hate that? That's why he went into radio.
You're like, they can't see my hair.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
I loved it. When I was in college and girls
would see some white hair coming in, They're like, oh,
did you color it that way? Yes, because college girls
love this. This is exactly but I think they did Righteah.
I'm like, you know, the college girls who want Phil Donahue.
That's what I'm going for. And the very is the
very specific kink, speaking of which your name was not
on the Epstein list. Does it feel I mean to

(42:37):
be kink? To be left out by a good friend?
Does that feel? Do you feel slighted?

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Well? I was the one that killed him in jail,
so I got to see him right before the end
of it.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Scott Board He's joining the studio here by TJ. Miller,
comedian actor with Kelly Colette at the Funny Bone with
two sold out shows tonight, two sold out shows tomorrow night.
You've added the three thirty matinee, which is incredibly rare. Omaha,
Omaha dot Funnybone dot com if you want to go
see the show tomorrow afternoon. In addition to movies like Deadpool,

(43:10):
TV shows like Silicon Valley, the stand up comedy, you
also have food. You brought me peanut butter and hot sauce.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
You're the Steve Martin radio. I'm the tall Newman of comedy.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
That's right, That's right, everyone says.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
So people won't stop saying at grocery stars, and.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
What do we have here? We got chocolate coconut, peanut butter.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
And chocolate coconut. That's for the ladies.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
And I'm and I'm not doing hot ones on here.
I'm not going to drink a bottle of hot sauce.
I'm trying to keep this conversation going. But tell me
about the food and where I can get it.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
The hot sauce. You can buy all this on t J.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
Miller does not have a website dot com. We had
it on Amazon, but they're terrible, They're bad people. There's
gonna be an economic blackout. You guys hear about that?
Is it today? I don't think it's.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Yeah, it is today on right, that's so stupid from
any any big corporation. You're not supposed to buy from
them today. So everyone loaded up yesterday or.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
So, yeah, what though, they're going to feel the hurt today.
And that's all it is. It's like, be careful. That's
what I think the idea behind it is. But yeah,
so t J.

Speaker 4 (44:16):
Miller does not have a website dot com, and I
sell hot sauce. I've got three different flavors Chipotle. One
called extreme Gangster Heat for the guys that had wait
here and Colin that's right, yeah, and then one called
effing intense ghost pepper type well you know, and it's
it's really really hot but really beautiful and at the
Matinate tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
How funny. About three thirty pm, Kelly came up with
a great idea. What is it, Kelly, We're going to
be adding t J.

Speaker 5 (44:42):
Miller's hot sauce to the Bloody Mary's, which we will
be serving because that at night show.

Speaker 4 (44:47):
Baby, it's yeah, we'll have mimoses, which Cally collect calls
juice right.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Out ten seconds or less, is there a future for
Weasel and Deadpool movies.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
Yeah, I mean Ryan Reynolds and I are friends again.
So there you go.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
So glad to hear that it's cool the world the
world needed that.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
The world did kind of need it apparently. Yeah, thank
you so much for having me. Please come to mat
and let's get drunk during the day and then go
back to our kids at night.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
All right. TJ Miller, Kelly Colette, Colleen Quinn of The
Funny Bone, You're the absolute best minister and and Dane minister.
If you need to get married or you need comedy tickets,
Omaha dot Funnybone dot com. TJ Best is success with
you and all of your god guys.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
Scott the Steve Martin Yeah Radio.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
You know what, Steve Martin, when you say it, it
makes it real.

Speaker 4 (45:34):
Scott by mornings nine to eleven on News Radio eleven
ten Kfab