March 31, 2025 • 24 mins
Honestly, it was a lesson I already knew, but I don't like re-learning it.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scott Vorgie. Thanks again to Glenn Beck for filling in
while I was gone last Thursday and Friday. Here's what
I did last week. And this is something that I
did every single year. It started seventeen years ago. I
know that because my daughter is one, No, my daughter's
one eight, she's eighteen. So when my daughter had recently
(00:22):
turned one, I'm talking to my buddies. We're all in
our early thirties and we all have kids who are
about one, one or two years old, and we're like, man,
you know what we need to do. We got to
get away from these crying up all night kids and
(00:42):
leave our wives alone with them. You know, the women
we ignore when we're here in town. What they really
need is just some bonding time alone together. And you know,
we work real real hard not helping out these women.
In fact, we're really just in the way. What we
need to do, and I think our wives would really
(01:03):
appreciate is if we left them a home for a
few days with these children and all got out of
town to go play golf. Our wives didn't leave us
or kill us. Maybe they didn't physically leave us emotionally.
(01:24):
That's if I were to really plug in and pay attention.
I could probably see some signs, but being the husband
that I am, we're just gonna assume everything's fine because
I ask her all the time. I asked my wife, Hey,
I'm gonna leave town for a few days. Is that okay?
She's like that's fine, Like great, you know, I take
her at her word. So we all, when our kids
(01:45):
were very very young, decided we were going to do
this trip, and this is the trip started because we
all love golf. There's three of us. There have been
other guys who've taken this trip with us, but it's
three of us do this, and it was decided that
we needed to go sometime when the weather is still
pretty cold and sometimes snowy here, and then we drive
(02:08):
south and find warmer temperatures and golf a bowl terrain.
So it wasn't like we need pristine conditions and top notch,
high dollar golf courses. It's never any of that. We
happened to find the Ozarks, and we love the Ozarks.
We've weather permitting, gone back to the Ozarks. We started
doing this seventeen years ago and for several years we
(02:32):
did it every single year. It was always we decided
to make it during the first week of March Madness,
and we would play golf all day and then watch
basketball and eat our weight and chicken wings all night.
And when we were in our early thirties when we
started it, and it was it was great because we
(02:52):
had the energy to do all of that. Play golf
all day. When I say all day, I mean sometimes
we played fifty four holes in a day. That's three
rounds of golf in one day. And then we would
stay out all night, get a couple hours of sleep,
and do it again the next day. And yeah, it
was like, oh, man, I can't glad, I can't do
(03:13):
this every day. But hey, I'm thirty one, thirty two
years old. This is not a problem. And after doing
this for a few years, we would talk and and say,
are we still going to take this trip after we've
done it, like five or six years now, we're in
our mid to late thirties. We'd talk and say, are
(03:33):
we still going to do this trip when we're in
our forties? Are we still going to do this trip
when are in our fifties? What's going to happen? And
we say, well, maybe our sons will come along the
trip with us someday. It's amazing. Each of us have
sons who are old enough and do play a little golf.
(03:55):
We didn't invite them, so we were not to that
point yet. So we did this trip every single year,
but very few exceptions. Then COVID hit, and that hit
right around the time we were going to do the
trip in twenty twenty, and since then it just fell off.
We've got new responsibilities and maybe we talked about it,
(04:20):
but it just didn't work out for whatever reason. So
we haven't actually taken this trip till since twenty nineteen.
That was six years ago. Six years ago is still
in my early forties. Now I'm in my late forties.
And we tried to do the same thing, golf all day,
(04:40):
watch basketball, and eat chicken wings and drink beer all night,
get a few hours of sleep, and do it the
next day. And guess what, I don't like that. I
don't like it. I like, I can still do golf
all day. But we start getting around nine thirty ten
o'clock and look, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm like,
(05:07):
I'm ready for bed.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's so sad, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But well, now, we still tried to do it. Because
you get three guys, you're going to have three different mindsets.
You got one guy that's.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Like, come on, we're out, we gotta do that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
He's still that guy. And then another guy is like,
I'm game for anything. I could we could go back
and hit the hay, or we could go out and
hit the clubs. I'm game for anything. And then you
have me going, I'm the only sober one right now
in this group. I guess I have to drive you
guys around so you don't get killed. So out of responsibility,
(05:49):
I'm finding myself out all night. At one point, and
this is when it really it literally hit me. This
is when it got me. We're in the Ozarks and
we're at a place called Marty Birds. If you're a
fellow fan of Ozark, the Netflix series starring Jason Bateman,
(06:11):
his character is Marty Bird, obviously the Ozarks are like,
we love the movie the Netflix series Ozark. Very popular.
People are coming here because they're like that place looks
cool on TV and apparently there's drugs everywhere, so people
would come into the Ozarks. So they had a place
named for his character called Marty Birds. Marty Birds is
(06:31):
a cool spot half of it is just a regular bar.
You can sit there and get a drink and watch basketball.
The other half of it is a dance club.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Do you have to bring a Duffel bag with you?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
No, there's no duffel bags, no heads or drugs or anything.
So my buddy who's like, come on, guys, we're game,
very let's go. Come on, this is great, We're gonna
he's like, I'm going into the dance club. He'd been
drinking since Wednesday. Okay this point, it's Saturday night, and
(07:03):
he's like, we got it. So he's he's heading in there.
My other buddy who's like, yeah, whatever, I could do whatever.
I'm good for whatever. He follows them. Me the old guy,
full head of gray hair. I start trailing into him.
I walk into the dance club. I'm hit in the
(07:24):
face with bass, loud, loud music, fog machine, and some
sort of laser light show, and just a massive people
who are half my age, meaning they're in their mid twenties,
about early to mid twenties. His people are half my age.
(07:44):
They all look great, they all they just started their night.
It's like eleven eleven thirty at night. They're just starting
My buddy goes's who's raring to go, wades into the crowd.
The other guy takes a few steps. I'm following him.
I get hit with all of this, and then the
(08:08):
second guy turns around looks at me. I look at him.
I shake my head nope, and walk right out of
the club. And there's a park bench nearby. I go
sit on the park bench. I just go and I
get my phone out and I pretend like I'm doing
something very important on my phone. I think I was
(08:28):
probably playing scrabble. That's me. Later they come out and
the first guy, who's ready for the take on the
world twenty four to seven?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Come on?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Are you?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
And? I said, guys, what am I going to do
in there? What in the world? What business do I
have being in there? Do you know who I look
like going into that club? I'll tell you who I
look like. I look like an angry father looking for
his daughter. That's who I look like going into that place.
That's who I look like. Immediately, the party's got to
(09:04):
stop because everyone's looking going who's this guy? Is he
an angry dad looking for his daughter? Is am I
dancing with his daughter? Am I about to get shot?
Is this guy an undercover cop? What's going on? No
matter who this guy is, that's me. This is not
He doesn't need to be here, and I can't hang
out and have a good time as long as he's here.
(09:26):
That's what I look like going into there.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I've been down to the Ozarks. I think you're overthinking this.
I don't think that most people would have thought that.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Here was the nail in the coffin. So we're across
the street from there. There's all kinds of different bars
and stuff in there. We're across the street and we're
talking to this bartender who look to actually be about
our age. We actually asked her how old are you?
And she ended up being just about I don't know five.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You asked a woman how old she was?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, and asked her how much you wait? So no,
we said how old? We asked her this after she
said what she said, how old are you? And she's
forty two, so she's not that much younger than us, right,
we're forty seven and forty eight. But we asked her,
you know the guy who's ready for anything. It's like, hey,
where's the cool place to go hang out? Where should
(10:20):
we go? And she's and again she's only a few
years younger than us. She looked at us and she said, well,
when my dad and his buddies come down here, they
like to go and we're like.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Why, what are your dad? Like?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Is this really? Really? Is this who? And that's fine.
Like I said, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I
don't need to go out there and try and recapture
past glory. To be honest, as I look at my past,
there's not a lot of glory there. But I'm fine.
I don't need to be out until two o'clock in
the morning when it's like, all right, guys, last call,
(10:59):
get out. I don't need to be that guy. But
I also don't need to be the guy that someone
just a few years younger than me looks like, looks
at it and says, well, when my dad and his
buddies come down here, that hurt. I'm telling you, that
hit right in the solar plexus. Ooh that hurt. We
(11:20):
still went out and hung out way too late, but
it was a good trip.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Has e Ozark's lost kind of some of its charm
with the highway opening up?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
The places off the highway the places we used to
go to seventeen years ago, they're all gone.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh they're gone.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, they're gone. They just dried up. Yeah, I mean,
but you can see this around area. I think about
Valley for example, Downtown Valley, Nebraska used to be a
little different. It had a few more shops in restaurants,
and it had a little different look to it. And
then they opened the bypass and people didn't have to
go through Valley anymore, and so a lot of those
(12:00):
businesses moved out to the highway. And you can still
see some of the businesses that dried up from twenty
years ago, the empty shell of a building still sitting there.
So yeah, I mean that you see evidence of that
in a lot of different places you go. But yeah,
it's the.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Fall's grocery store still open.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I don't have any idea. You think we're spending a
lot of time in a grocery store. Now, guys, let's
go out to the makings for a salad. What are
we doing at the grocery store store?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
You guys would have been interested in it. It has
a huge liquor department.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Oh, I don't know. I'm thinking about pickle pee. It's
a place that had great chicken wings. So that place
is gone. The signs still there though, which is sad,
but you know that's that's how it goes. But at
the same token, now they got the bypass through that area.
I'm talking about the area around osh Beach, and you've
got a lot of new businesses that popped up along
(12:53):
the bypass, so there's a lot more selection. But then
I think about going down there when I was a kid,
because we go down there when I was a kid,
and you would see every year you'd go back, there's
a few more places for like miniature golf and go carts.
Like every year it's like there's a new miniature golf
(13:14):
and go karts places, and so yeah, along the old
ye you still got some of the family friendly atmosphere,
but it's a lot more bar culture, which brings us
to Ozark Law. That's a new series on I don't know,
A and E or something. It's just it's following around
the cops in the same area where we were. One
(13:37):
of my buddies really loves the show and in fact,
there was a time we had to get the police
involved in something because we thought this guy was going
to die. He was hanging out of his car, and
there was a girl behind the wheel of a car
who looked like she didn't need to be driving, And
they were sitting there for a very long time, and
this guy was so sick and was convulsing and it
(13:58):
was a bad scene. So we summoned up some responsibility
and got the cops involved. And one of my buddies said,
that's so and so from Ozark Law and he was
he was fanboying because there was the cop from Ozark
like he's really here, Like, yes, that's this is the
area where the people get arrested all the time. Again,
(14:18):
what are what are we doing down here? So what
did I learn on my March Madness Spring vacation. I'm old,
I've become I've turned into that guy. And you know what,
We'll go back and do it again next year. Scott
Byes News Radio of levins kfab Sonker's custom was inbox
(14:43):
open at scottikfab dot com. Jack emails and says, I've
gone to the Ozarks at least four times per summer
for over twenty years. It's gotten bigger, busier, and less
enjoyable on the water, but we still go. Love Lodo
l O t o Lake of the Ozarks. So that's
the thing. I haven't actually been to the Ozarks in
(15:07):
the summer months on the water since circa the year
two thousand ninety nine. Two thousand somewhere in there was
the last time I was in the Ozarks on the
water in the summer. Since then, it's been this spring
trip where it's just golf, watching basketball, eating chicken wings.
(15:29):
And as I said a moment ago, this year, we
got hit with the realization that what we'd feared, the
three core guys who take this trip every year, what
we'd feared when we started doing this in our early thirties, Like,
are we still going to be trying to do this
when we're old? You know, like when we're in our
late forties, you know, super super old. Are we still
(15:49):
going to be trying to do this golf all day
and watch basketball and drink all night and then try
and do it again the next day? Are we still
going to do this? And as we learned this past
week while I was gone, the answer is apparently, But
now we're super super old. I forgot because one of
my buddies, one of them's working, the other one doesn't
(16:12):
really work, makes a lot of money but does very
little work. So he's listening and he says, you forgot
to tell this story. It's like, oh yeah, yeah. So
we're at the aforementioned dance club, and for whatever reason,
the guy who's like ready to take on the world
(16:33):
twenty four to seven, who never needs sleep, who's never hungover,
he's a freak of nature, he's standing outside of the
entrance to the dance club where the young people are
coming in. He's just standing there, probably because the other
guy's talking to me, going, do you want to go home?
I was like, of course I want to go home,
but I'm good. I'm just hanging out here on the
(16:56):
park bench. I'm fine. I'm just sitting here like Forrest Gump.
I'm good. Why great people watching? So then the other
guys standing there by the entrance, young people are coming
into the club. There's no one at the door checking
IDs at this particular place, but it didn't stop three
(17:19):
guys from coming in, pulling out their IDs and showing
them to my friend who's standing there. He doesn't work there,
he's not real real close to the door. But like
I said, the reason why I didn't go into the
dance club is because I look like an angry dad
looking for his daughter. I have no business in there.
(17:42):
And to further hammer that point home, my other buddy
is standing there and young guys are showing their ID
to him. He takes the ID, realizes pretty quickly what's happening,
looks at it, and just looks at the kid, looks
back at the idea. He looks at the kid, waits
(18:03):
an extra couple of beats for this kid to be like,
oh no, am I does he know it's a fake idea?
Whatever gives him the ID back says you can go in.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
He should have asked him for five bucks.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I know, like, look, I know this. You and I
both know that's a fake ID. But maybe whoever's on
the ten doesn't know, like I don't know who's on
the So yeah, this is when you screw up your presidents,
you know, and you want to say Ben Franklin, but
you forget and you're like, well, maybe George Washington can
(18:38):
help you get in here, like is he asking for
a dollar? Maybe Thomas Jefferson might be able to change
my mind? Like does anyone have a two dollars bill?
I don't never actually seen my grandma gave me one
when I was a kid. I don't I don't know
how to get into this club. So he's standing there,
kids are showing him their ID. We have, we have
(18:59):
no what issiness being there.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Well, now that the management knows you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Were, yeah, oh that's fine. We were helping out.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Here's what.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Here's another place down there. Here's what the management really
needs to be concerned about. And we popped into this
place a couple of times on this trip, and we'd
struck up a rapport with one of the workers there
and told her, you might want to watch this guy.
So there's a place that's a bar. It features live music,
(19:30):
really cool. A couple of chicks were in there playing.
One girl's on the keys, another girls on the guitar,
and they were playing a mix of cover songs and
live music, and no one was paying any attention to
them because it's a small drunk bar. They weren't really
that loud and no one's talking, and so you hate
(19:52):
being that guy. Like they finished their song, no one
applauds because no one's paying any attention. But every once
in a while look over and I'd be the one guy,
which I think is worse. Like, if you're playing music
and no one applauds, you're like, all right, we're just
background music. Let's just keep going. Not a big deal.
You know, anyone who's ever played music in a bar
(20:13):
knows what that's like. Is it worse to have no
one applaud after a song? Or just one guy like, well,
the idea is.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That if you too that, then other people will.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Well that's what I thought. They didn't. It was just
me and they looked at me and they're like thanks twice.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Though you probably probably.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Not after every song. Every once in a while, just
let them know someone's listening.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
You should have gone up and put some money in
the jar. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
So anyway, we're at this place. We're sitting at the
bar and the bartender is he's wearing a Portland Trailblazer's
T shirt. My buddy who's ready to take on the
world twenty four to seven grew up in Portland. So
they immediate strike up a report a report like he's like, hey,
(21:04):
poorn trail, I grew up in Portland, a love of
the Trailblazers. And this guy suddenly was like.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Oh broh Porland. Clyde Drexler well Clyde the Glide.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Ooo, hey man.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Where'd you go to school?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Like, well, I left before I went to school.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
All right, that's good enough for me. You guys are getting.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Free shots, and so now he's pulling out various bottles
and shot glasses. Who wants shots?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Who want you?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Guys are getting shots?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
It's on me, It's on me. So he's pouring alcohol everywhere.
He looks at me, like, you want a shot? I said, no,
I'm the designated driver and I'm a Lakers fan.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Oh bro, no, no boo.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
You know you're not drinking. Already told you that you
no drinks for this guy. So this guy is just
loud and throwing alcohol everywhere. Later, some other guys show
up and it was like.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Hey, you got a beard. I got a beard? Free shots,
and he's just poor. It's just alcohol and red Bull everywhere.
No one's it seems to be charged for anything. At
one point, my buddy, who had already these guys, quickly
went from zero to best friends in a moment because
(22:10):
of the Portland Trailblazers T shirt. Five minutes later, my
buddy has taken it. He's done his shot. He's ready
for the next drink, and he goes to the guy
and says, hey, can I get a course light or whatever?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And or probably probably probably an old fashioned actual conversation
that transpired at a different club, by the way, what
do you want to drink? Ah, make it easy on you.
You got bitters? I immediately start light like that. How
does that make it easy? You're gonna make her Hey,
we'll make it easy for you. Do you have some
sort of rye that no one else really covers down here?
(22:49):
I know we're in a rot gut gin kind of
a you know, beer bar. You got bitters and rye whiskey?
And do you have a little box you can set
fire to that smokes this drink? Wo'll just make it
easy on you. And we're like, dude, that's not making
it easy. No conversation with a bartender is I'll make
it easy on you. You got bidders. That is not anyway.
(23:12):
My buddy orders the next drink from this guy, like
literally three minutes ago, they were best friends, hugging it out.
They're in a great time. He says, tell you what
I'll get a I'll get a bush light. Guys like, uh,
I already closed you out, bro, huh, we haven't ordered
(23:32):
drinks yet, we haven't given you a card. What who's
paying for what? And she's like, no, no, no, we haven't.
And he's like, huh, I don't. I don't like, never
seen this guy before, thought he was someone else, no
idea vague recollection. So then he hands over his card,
we get a they get a couple of drinks or whatever,
(23:55):
and then later he's like I already closed you out, Like, no, no,
you still have my hard Oh. So we've been we've
been wondering since then because he my buddy didn't sign
a receipt. He just got his card back. So we've
been texting him going how much did you get charged
at that place on Saturday night? And he says he
just texted back so far nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
That sounds like the Ozark pirate situation.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
The pirate situation, Yeah, what's that?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
They don't know what's going on. They just steal all
the room, right.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So we went to this other girl at work there
and said, you might want to keep an eye on
this guy. He's just giving free drinks everyone.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
She's like, I know, does he work there for real?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I not my responsibility to know. Scott Voices news radio
eleven to ten Kfaby
Scott Vorgie. Thanks again to Glenn Beck for filling in
while I was gone last Thursday and Friday. Here's what
I did last week. And this is something that I
did every single year. It started seventeen years ago. I
know that because my daughter is one, No, my daughter's
one eight, she's eighteen. So when my daughter had recently
(00:22):
turned one, I'm talking to my buddies. We're all in
our early thirties and we all have kids who are
about one, one or two years old, and we're like, man,
you know what we need to do. We got to
get away from these crying up all night kids and
(00:42):
leave our wives alone with them. You know, the women
we ignore when we're here in town. What they really
need is just some bonding time alone together. And you know,
we work real real hard not helping out these women.
In fact, we're really just in the way. What we
need to do, and I think our wives would really
(01:03):
appreciate is if we left them a home for a
few days with these children and all got out of
town to go play golf. Our wives didn't leave us
or kill us. Maybe they didn't physically leave us emotionally.
(01:24):
That's if I were to really plug in and pay attention.
I could probably see some signs, but being the husband
that I am, we're just gonna assume everything's fine because
I ask her all the time. I asked my wife, Hey,
I'm gonna leave town for a few days. Is that okay?
She's like that's fine, Like great, you know, I take
her at her word. So we all, when our kids
(01:45):
were very very young, decided we were going to do
this trip, and this is the trip started because we
all love golf. There's three of us. There have been
other guys who've taken this trip with us, but it's
three of us do this, and it was decided that
we needed to go sometime when the weather is still
pretty cold and sometimes snowy here, and then we drive
(02:08):
south and find warmer temperatures and golf a bowl terrain.
So it wasn't like we need pristine conditions and top notch,
high dollar golf courses. It's never any of that. We
happened to find the Ozarks, and we love the Ozarks.
We've weather permitting, gone back to the Ozarks. We started
doing this seventeen years ago and for several years we
(02:32):
did it every single year. It was always we decided
to make it during the first week of March Madness,
and we would play golf all day and then watch
basketball and eat our weight and chicken wings all night.
And when we were in our early thirties when we
started it, and it was it was great because we
(02:52):
had the energy to do all of that. Play golf
all day. When I say all day, I mean sometimes
we played fifty four holes in a day. That's three
rounds of golf in one day. And then we would
stay out all night, get a couple hours of sleep,
and do it again the next day. And yeah, it
was like, oh, man, I can't glad, I can't do
(03:13):
this every day. But hey, I'm thirty one, thirty two
years old. This is not a problem. And after doing
this for a few years, we would talk and and say,
are we still going to take this trip after we've
done it, like five or six years now, we're in
our mid to late thirties. We'd talk and say, are
(03:33):
we still going to do this trip when we're in
our forties? Are we still going to do this trip
when are in our fifties? What's going to happen? And
we say, well, maybe our sons will come along the
trip with us someday. It's amazing. Each of us have
sons who are old enough and do play a little golf.
(03:55):
We didn't invite them, so we were not to that
point yet. So we did this trip every single year,
but very few exceptions. Then COVID hit, and that hit
right around the time we were going to do the
trip in twenty twenty, and since then it just fell off.
We've got new responsibilities and maybe we talked about it,
(04:20):
but it just didn't work out for whatever reason. So
we haven't actually taken this trip till since twenty nineteen.
That was six years ago. Six years ago is still
in my early forties. Now I'm in my late forties.
And we tried to do the same thing, golf all day,
(04:40):
watch basketball, and eat chicken wings and drink beer all night,
get a few hours of sleep, and do it the
next day. And guess what, I don't like that. I
don't like it. I like, I can still do golf
all day. But we start getting around nine thirty ten
o'clock and look, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm like,
(05:07):
I'm ready for bed.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's so sad, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But well, now, we still tried to do it. Because
you get three guys, you're going to have three different mindsets.
You got one guy that's.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Like, come on, we're out, we gotta do that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
He's still that guy. And then another guy is like,
I'm game for anything. I could we could go back
and hit the hay, or we could go out and
hit the clubs. I'm game for anything. And then you
have me going, I'm the only sober one right now
in this group. I guess I have to drive you
guys around so you don't get killed. So out of responsibility,
(05:49):
I'm finding myself out all night. At one point, and
this is when it really it literally hit me. This
is when it got me. We're in the Ozarks and
we're at a place called Marty Birds. If you're a
fellow fan of Ozark, the Netflix series starring Jason Bateman,
(06:11):
his character is Marty Bird, obviously the Ozarks are like,
we love the movie the Netflix series Ozark. Very popular.
People are coming here because they're like that place looks
cool on TV and apparently there's drugs everywhere, so people
would come into the Ozarks. So they had a place
named for his character called Marty Birds. Marty Birds is
(06:31):
a cool spot half of it is just a regular bar.
You can sit there and get a drink and watch basketball.
The other half of it is a dance club.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Do you have to bring a Duffel bag with you?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
No, there's no duffel bags, no heads or drugs or anything.
So my buddy who's like, come on, guys, we're game,
very let's go. Come on, this is great, We're gonna
he's like, I'm going into the dance club. He'd been
drinking since Wednesday. Okay this point, it's Saturday night, and
(07:03):
he's like, we got it. So he's he's heading in there.
My other buddy who's like, yeah, whatever, I could do whatever.
I'm good for whatever. He follows them. Me the old guy,
full head of gray hair. I start trailing into him.
I walk into the dance club. I'm hit in the
(07:24):
face with bass, loud, loud music, fog machine, and some
sort of laser light show, and just a massive people
who are half my age, meaning they're in their mid twenties,
about early to mid twenties. His people are half my age.
(07:44):
They all look great, they all they just started their night.
It's like eleven eleven thirty at night. They're just starting
My buddy goes's who's raring to go, wades into the crowd.
The other guy takes a few steps. I'm following him.
I get hit with all of this, and then the
(08:08):
second guy turns around looks at me. I look at him.
I shake my head nope, and walk right out of
the club. And there's a park bench nearby. I go
sit on the park bench. I just go and I
get my phone out and I pretend like I'm doing
something very important on my phone. I think I was
(08:28):
probably playing scrabble. That's me. Later they come out and
the first guy, who's ready for the take on the
world twenty four to seven?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Come on?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Are you?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
And? I said, guys, what am I going to do
in there? What in the world? What business do I
have being in there? Do you know who I look
like going into that club? I'll tell you who I
look like. I look like an angry father looking for
his daughter. That's who I look like going into that place.
That's who I look like. Immediately, the party's got to
(09:04):
stop because everyone's looking going who's this guy? Is he
an angry dad looking for his daughter? Is am I
dancing with his daughter? Am I about to get shot?
Is this guy an undercover cop? What's going on? No
matter who this guy is, that's me. This is not
He doesn't need to be here, and I can't hang
out and have a good time as long as he's here.
(09:26):
That's what I look like going into there.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I've been down to the Ozarks. I think you're overthinking this.
I don't think that most people would have thought that.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Here was the nail in the coffin. So we're across
the street from there. There's all kinds of different bars
and stuff in there. We're across the street and we're
talking to this bartender who look to actually be about
our age. We actually asked her how old are you?
And she ended up being just about I don't know five.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You asked a woman how old she was?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, and asked her how much you wait? So no,
we said how old? We asked her this after she
said what she said, how old are you? And she's
forty two, so she's not that much younger than us, right,
we're forty seven and forty eight. But we asked her,
you know the guy who's ready for anything. It's like, hey,
where's the cool place to go hang out? Where should
(10:20):
we go? And she's and again she's only a few
years younger than us. She looked at us and she said, well,
when my dad and his buddies come down here, they
like to go and we're like.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Why, what are your dad? Like?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Is this really? Really? Is this who? And that's fine.
Like I said, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I
don't need to go out there and try and recapture
past glory. To be honest, as I look at my past,
there's not a lot of glory there. But I'm fine.
I don't need to be out until two o'clock in
the morning when it's like, all right, guys, last call,
(10:59):
get out. I don't need to be that guy. But
I also don't need to be the guy that someone
just a few years younger than me looks like, looks
at it and says, well, when my dad and his
buddies come down here, that hurt. I'm telling you, that
hit right in the solar plexus. Ooh that hurt. We
(11:20):
still went out and hung out way too late, but
it was a good trip.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Has e Ozark's lost kind of some of its charm
with the highway opening up?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
The places off the highway the places we used to
go to seventeen years ago, they're all gone.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh they're gone.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, they're gone. They just dried up. Yeah, I mean,
but you can see this around area. I think about
Valley for example, Downtown Valley, Nebraska used to be a
little different. It had a few more shops in restaurants,
and it had a little different look to it. And
then they opened the bypass and people didn't have to
go through Valley anymore, and so a lot of those
(12:00):
businesses moved out to the highway. And you can still
see some of the businesses that dried up from twenty
years ago, the empty shell of a building still sitting there.
So yeah, I mean that you see evidence of that
in a lot of different places you go. But yeah,
it's the.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Fall's grocery store still open.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I don't have any idea. You think we're spending a
lot of time in a grocery store. Now, guys, let's
go out to the makings for a salad. What are
we doing at the grocery store store?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
You guys would have been interested in it. It has
a huge liquor department.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Oh, I don't know. I'm thinking about pickle pee. It's
a place that had great chicken wings. So that place
is gone. The signs still there though, which is sad,
but you know that's that's how it goes. But at
the same token, now they got the bypass through that area.
I'm talking about the area around osh Beach, and you've
got a lot of new businesses that popped up along
(12:53):
the bypass, so there's a lot more selection. But then
I think about going down there when I was a kid,
because we go down there when I was a kid,
and you would see every year you'd go back, there's
a few more places for like miniature golf and go carts.
Like every year it's like there's a new miniature golf
(13:14):
and go karts places, and so yeah, along the old
ye you still got some of the family friendly atmosphere,
but it's a lot more bar culture, which brings us
to Ozark Law. That's a new series on I don't know,
A and E or something. It's just it's following around
the cops in the same area where we were. One
(13:37):
of my buddies really loves the show and in fact,
there was a time we had to get the police
involved in something because we thought this guy was going
to die. He was hanging out of his car, and
there was a girl behind the wheel of a car
who looked like she didn't need to be driving, And
they were sitting there for a very long time, and
this guy was so sick and was convulsing and it
(13:58):
was a bad scene. So we summoned up some responsibility
and got the cops involved. And one of my buddies said,
that's so and so from Ozark Law and he was
he was fanboying because there was the cop from Ozark
like he's really here, Like, yes, that's this is the
area where the people get arrested all the time. Again,
(14:18):
what are what are we doing down here? So what
did I learn on my March Madness Spring vacation. I'm old,
I've become I've turned into that guy. And you know what,
We'll go back and do it again next year. Scott
Byes News Radio of levins kfab Sonker's custom was inbox
(14:43):
open at scottikfab dot com. Jack emails and says, I've
gone to the Ozarks at least four times per summer
for over twenty years. It's gotten bigger, busier, and less
enjoyable on the water, but we still go. Love Lodo
l O t o Lake of the Ozarks. So that's
the thing. I haven't actually been to the Ozarks in
(15:07):
the summer months on the water since circa the year
two thousand ninety nine. Two thousand somewhere in there was
the last time I was in the Ozarks on the
water in the summer. Since then, it's been this spring
trip where it's just golf, watching basketball, eating chicken wings.
(15:29):
And as I said a moment ago, this year, we
got hit with the realization that what we'd feared, the
three core guys who take this trip every year, what
we'd feared when we started doing this in our early thirties, Like,
are we still going to be trying to do this
when we're old? You know, like when we're in our
late forties, you know, super super old. Are we still
(15:49):
going to be trying to do this golf all day
and watch basketball and drink all night and then try
and do it again the next day? Are we still
going to do this? And as we learned this past
week while I was gone, the answer is apparently, But
now we're super super old. I forgot because one of
my buddies, one of them's working, the other one doesn't
(16:12):
really work, makes a lot of money but does very
little work. So he's listening and he says, you forgot
to tell this story. It's like, oh yeah, yeah. So
we're at the aforementioned dance club, and for whatever reason,
the guy who's like ready to take on the world
(16:33):
twenty four to seven, who never needs sleep, who's never hungover,
he's a freak of nature, he's standing outside of the
entrance to the dance club where the young people are
coming in. He's just standing there, probably because the other
guy's talking to me, going, do you want to go home?
I was like, of course I want to go home,
but I'm good. I'm just hanging out here on the
(16:56):
park bench. I'm fine. I'm just sitting here like Forrest Gump.
I'm good. Why great people watching? So then the other
guys standing there by the entrance, young people are coming
into the club. There's no one at the door checking
IDs at this particular place, but it didn't stop three
(17:19):
guys from coming in, pulling out their IDs and showing
them to my friend who's standing there. He doesn't work there,
he's not real real close to the door. But like
I said, the reason why I didn't go into the
dance club is because I look like an angry dad
looking for his daughter. I have no business in there.
(17:42):
And to further hammer that point home, my other buddy
is standing there and young guys are showing their ID
to him. He takes the ID, realizes pretty quickly what's happening,
looks at it, and just looks at the kid, looks
back at the idea. He looks at the kid, waits
(18:03):
an extra couple of beats for this kid to be like,
oh no, am I does he know it's a fake idea?
Whatever gives him the ID back says you can go in.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
He should have asked him for five bucks.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I know, like, look, I know this. You and I
both know that's a fake ID. But maybe whoever's on
the ten doesn't know, like I don't know who's on
the So yeah, this is when you screw up your presidents,
you know, and you want to say Ben Franklin, but
you forget and you're like, well, maybe George Washington can
(18:38):
help you get in here, like is he asking for
a dollar? Maybe Thomas Jefferson might be able to change
my mind? Like does anyone have a two dollars bill?
I don't never actually seen my grandma gave me one
when I was a kid. I don't I don't know
how to get into this club. So he's standing there,
kids are showing him their ID. We have, we have
(18:59):
no what issiness being there.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Well, now that the management knows you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Were, yeah, oh that's fine. We were helping out.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Here's what.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Here's another place down there. Here's what the management really
needs to be concerned about. And we popped into this
place a couple of times on this trip, and we'd
struck up a rapport with one of the workers there
and told her, you might want to watch this guy.
So there's a place that's a bar. It features live music,
(19:30):
really cool. A couple of chicks were in there playing.
One girl's on the keys, another girls on the guitar,
and they were playing a mix of cover songs and
live music, and no one was paying any attention to
them because it's a small drunk bar. They weren't really
that loud and no one's talking, and so you hate
(19:52):
being that guy. Like they finished their song, no one
applauds because no one's paying any attention. But every once
in a while look over and I'd be the one guy,
which I think is worse. Like, if you're playing music
and no one applauds, you're like, all right, we're just
background music. Let's just keep going. Not a big deal.
You know, anyone who's ever played music in a bar
(20:13):
knows what that's like. Is it worse to have no
one applaud after a song? Or just one guy like, well,
the idea is.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
That if you too that, then other people will.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Well that's what I thought. They didn't. It was just
me and they looked at me and they're like thanks twice.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Though you probably probably.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Not after every song. Every once in a while, just
let them know someone's listening.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
You should have gone up and put some money in
the jar. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
So anyway, we're at this place. We're sitting at the
bar and the bartender is he's wearing a Portland Trailblazer's
T shirt. My buddy who's ready to take on the
world twenty four to seven grew up in Portland. So
they immediate strike up a report a report like he's like, hey,
(21:04):
poorn trail, I grew up in Portland, a love of
the Trailblazers. And this guy suddenly was like.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Oh broh Porland. Clyde Drexler well Clyde the Glide.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Ooo, hey man.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Where'd you go to school?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Like, well, I left before I went to school.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
All right, that's good enough for me. You guys are getting.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Free shots, and so now he's pulling out various bottles
and shot glasses. Who wants shots?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Who want you?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Guys are getting shots?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
It's on me, It's on me. So he's pouring alcohol everywhere.
He looks at me, like, you want a shot? I said, no,
I'm the designated driver and I'm a Lakers fan.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Oh bro, no, no boo.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
You know you're not drinking. Already told you that you
no drinks for this guy. So this guy is just
loud and throwing alcohol everywhere. Later, some other guys show
up and it was like.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Hey, you got a beard. I got a beard? Free shots,
and he's just poor. It's just alcohol and red Bull everywhere.
No one's it seems to be charged for anything. At
one point, my buddy, who had already these guys, quickly
went from zero to best friends in a moment because
(22:10):
of the Portland Trailblazers T shirt. Five minutes later, my
buddy has taken it. He's done his shot. He's ready
for the next drink, and he goes to the guy
and says, hey, can I get a course light or whatever?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And or probably probably probably an old fashioned actual conversation
that transpired at a different club, by the way, what
do you want to drink? Ah, make it easy on you.
You got bitters? I immediately start light like that. How
does that make it easy? You're gonna make her Hey,
we'll make it easy for you. Do you have some
sort of rye that no one else really covers down here?
(22:49):
I know we're in a rot gut gin kind of
a you know, beer bar. You got bitters and rye whiskey?
And do you have a little box you can set
fire to that smokes this drink? Wo'll just make it
easy on you. And we're like, dude, that's not making
it easy. No conversation with a bartender is I'll make
it easy on you. You got bidders. That is not anyway.
(23:12):
My buddy orders the next drink from this guy, like
literally three minutes ago, they were best friends, hugging it out.
They're in a great time. He says, tell you what
I'll get a I'll get a bush light. Guys like, uh,
I already closed you out, bro, huh, we haven't ordered
(23:32):
drinks yet, we haven't given you a card. What who's
paying for what? And she's like, no, no, no, we haven't.
And he's like, huh, I don't. I don't like, never
seen this guy before, thought he was someone else, no
idea vague recollection. So then he hands over his card,
we get a they get a couple of drinks or whatever,
(23:55):
and then later he's like I already closed you out, Like, no, no,
you still have my hard Oh. So we've been we've
been wondering since then because he my buddy didn't sign
a receipt. He just got his card back. So we've
been texting him going how much did you get charged
at that place on Saturday night? And he says he
just texted back so far nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
That sounds like the Ozark pirate situation.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
The pirate situation, Yeah, what's that?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
They don't know what's going on. They just steal all
the room, right.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So we went to this other girl at work there
and said, you might want to keep an eye on
this guy. He's just giving free drinks everyone.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
She's like, I know, does he work there for real?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I not my responsibility to know. Scott Voices news radio
eleven to ten Kfaby
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