Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice helps listeners uncover the stuck spots in their relationships by taking expert advice from three licensed professional counselors and boiling it down into digestible tips and tools. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren help people to see that the first step to connecting with somebody else is by connecting with you. They focus their show on understanding and navigating the cycles that couples face, how to practice individuation, and staying in an emotionally regulated state. Just them each week as they come with a jam packed agenda to help you thrive in your relationships. Looking for old episode from "Relatable"? Click here.

Episodes

‘You Can’t Do This’ Is NOT A Boundary

May 28, 2026 • 43 mins
If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries. Main Talking Points:  Our bodies are the indicator for when we need to set boundaries. Boundaries...
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Withdrawers: When Keeping the Peace Backfires

May 25, 2026 • 55 mins
In this episode, the crew dives into the “withdrawer” role in relationships and how rigid, all-or-nothing responses can quietly create disconnection. They unpack why withdrawers often appease, shut down, or avoid conflict altogether — not because they don’t care, but because disappointing their partner feels intolerable. The conversation explores healthier alternatives to passive or rigid boundaries, including slowing down, using b...
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Before You Pack: The Conversations Every Couple Needs Before Vacation

May 18, 2026 • 50 mins
Vacation stress usually isn’t about the trip itself — it’s about the unspoken expectations couples bring into it. In this episode, the hosts unpack the conversations that can completely change the tone of a vacation before you ever leave the driveway: money, planning, intimacy, parenting, downtime, technology, and more. They explore how different nervous systems, personalities, and expectations can either create connection or turn ...
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Finding Secure Attachment with Trevor Hanson

May 11, 2026 • 58 mins
This week we are joined by Trevor Hanson who shares his personal journey from anxious attachment and relationship struggles to becoming a therapist focused on helping others build secure attachment. He emphasizes that real transformation comes through emotional experiences—not just information—and outlines a structured approach to rewiring attachment patterns. Through practical tools like self-validation, inner child work, and comm...
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Everything That Comes Before Intimacy with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith

May 4, 2026 • 50 mins
What does “true intimacy” actually mean—and why do so many couples feel disconnected even when they love each other? In this episode, we sit down with Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and co-authors of Building True Intimacy, to unpack the deeper layers of connection most relationships are missing. We dive into their Intimacy Pyramid™ framework—a powerful model that explains why so many relationships st...
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When To End A Relationship

April 27, 2026 • 41 mins
Ending a relationship is rarely about one big moment—it’s usually a pattern that keeps repeating despite effort, conversations, and growing awareness. This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal relationship challenges that can be worked through and deeper signs of incompatibility or emotional disconnection. We talk about what it looks like when one or both partners stop showing up, when the same conflicts keep ...
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Don’t Punish the Vulnerability You’ve Been Begging For

April 20, 2026 • 59 mins
This episode explores the common relationship dynamic where one partner struggles to share vulnerably, and when they finally do, they’re met with criticism, correction, or defensiveness. The hosts explain how these responses unintentionally “punish” vulnerability and reinforce shutdown patterns, even when connection is what both partners want. They emphasize playing the long game—creating safety through validation, patience, and re...
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Attachment Styles on First Dates (What to Watch For)

April 13, 2026 • 66 mins
This episode explores how attachment styles subtly show up on first dates and what to watch for without overanalyzing every interaction. The hosts emphasize that instead of trying to “screen perfectly,” the real work is understanding your own attachment patterns and how they influence who you’re drawn to. By noticing communication patterns, emotional pacing, and responses to vulnerability, you can better identify both anxious and w...
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Stop Saying "Calm Down"—Do This Instead

April 4, 2026 • 51 mins
Telling someone to “calm down” usually does the opposite—it makes people feel dismissed, misunderstood, and even more activated. In this episode, the hosts explore why that phrase backfires in moments of anger, anxiety, disappointment, or excitement, and why it often comes from the other person feeling overwhelmed too. They unpack a better approach: co-regulation through validation, steady presence, gentler tone, and asking what su...
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The Mental Load in Relationships (Why It Causes Stress)

March 28, 2026 • 51 mins
The mental load in relationships refers to the invisible work of planning, remembering, organizing, and anticipating what needs to happen in a household or family. When one partner carries more of this cognitive responsibility, it can lead to stress, resentment, and the feeling that the other partner assumes things “magically” get done. Couples can reduce conflict by communicating openly about expectations, acknowledging difference...
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Navigating Friendship Conflict & Changing Friendship

March 20, 2026 • 54 mins
Friendships change as people grow, and those shifts can bring up grief, confusion, frustration, or fear.In this episode, we unpack how growth, life transitions, shifting values, and changing capacity can create tension in friendships, and why our first instinct is often to fix, judge, withdraw, or take it personally. We talk about how asking better questions, staying open instead of defensive, and making space for both grief and ca...
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Motivation To Change In Relationships

March 13, 2026 • 52 mins
Most relationships start with “I love you, you’re perfect”… and quickly turn into wanting your partner to change. The real problem isn’t usually whether they want to change—it’s that change is rarely A→B; it’s a process that requires understanding barriers, reducing shame, and building support. When couples shift from criticism to curiosity and create small, doable systems together, motivation increases and change becomes sustainab...
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Emotional Availability

March 6, 2026 • 52 mins
Emotional availability isn’t about feeling emotions loudly or perfectly — it’s about presence, regulation, and the ability to hold space without shutting down or exploding. Our capacity shifts based on stress, attachment history, neurodivergence, and what’s happening in our window of tolerance. Instead of hunting for the “perfectly available” partner, growth starts with understanding your own patterns and learning to show up vulner...
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If I Have To Ask, It Doesn't Count

February 28, 2026 • 53 mins
Why does it feel so disappointing to ask for what you want? In this episode, we unpack the hidden belief that “if I have to ask, it doesn’t count” — and how that mindset turns simple needs (compliments, celebration, affection) into silent resentment. We explore the shame, fear of failure, childhood triggers, and meaning-making underneath it all — and how shifting from mind-reading to curiosity can completely change the dynamic. Ma...
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One Move To Deescalate Your Next Fight: QUICK ADVICE

February 26, 2026 • 15 mins
Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Why Everyone Thinks Their Partner Is a Narcissist

February 23, 2026 • 53 mins
When someone says, “I think my partner is a narcissist,” they’re usually not chasing a diagnosis—they’re trying to make sense of a relationship that feels controlling, confusing, and painful. This episode slows it way down and compares narcissism with insecure attachment patterns (pursuer/withdrawer) and neurodivergence, since the impact can look similar even when the why is totally different. The big differentiator they keep comin...
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Behind Every Criticism There Is A Request: QUICK ADVICE

February 19, 2026 • 13 mins
Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Psychology of the State of the World

February 16, 2026 • 51 mins
There’s been a wave of major U.S. events stirring up big emotions, and this episode stays out of political commentary to focus on how people psychologically respond—in themselves, in relationships, and online. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous-system activation, bias, privilege/positionality, and “defensive attribution” can shape what we believe, how safe we feel, and how we treat people who respond diff...
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What Makes You Great At Your Job Makes You Suck At Relationships: QUICK ADVICE

February 12, 2026 • 15 mins
Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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The Art of Negotiation with Kwame Christian

February 9, 2026 • 67 mins
Negotiation isn’t a “business skill” — it’s an everyday relationship skill. Today we sit down TED Talk speaker, best-selling author, and podcast host of Negotiate Anything, Kwame Christian. He is recognized as one of the world's top negotiation experts, and he got good at it by treating tough conversations like a learnable muscle (not a personality trait).  He breaks great negotiation down into three core skills—listening, curiosi...
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