March 31, 2025 • 20 mins
This week’s hometowns include an April Fool's Day prank gone very right and a robber disguised as Groucho Marx.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder mini So MANI
we email. Nope, we email you email you email, We
read you read them.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hey, and guess what, It's almost April Fool's Day.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, do you have a prank story to kick us
off with?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, I'll kick us off with the prank story.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Okay, this is called prank on very very right, Dear
Karen Georgia, Still Stephen, even though I know you aren't
involved right now and all the other fantastic folks involved
in the.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Show, still Steve.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
That's very sweetter.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
All these years you asked for stories about pranks, and
I immediately put down my quilting to type this up,
as otherwise I would have forgot. Finally, I thought, it's
my time to shine. April Fool's Day is one of
my favorite holidays. It was the only we were allowed
to play practical jokes in my household, and this was
a big deal. There were the classics, my mom taping
the lid of the toilet down so my sleepy brother
(01:08):
would slap himself trying to open it. My brother dying
his water red so my mom would think he was
drinking blood, and he says, not a great prank, but
he was five, and my dad waking my brother and
I up for school, getting us all ready and to
the bus stop, then informing.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Us it was Saturday.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Oh ouch.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
However, I want to tell you my best prank, as
I am quite proud, and it required some careful planning. Firstly,
you need to know that my dad is neat and
orderly and did almost all of the cooking.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I grew up with strict.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Rules about how the dishwasher was loaded, that spices need
to be placed with their labels facing out, and that
everything had a place which was never changed, including each
item in the pantry based on how often it is
used and who uses it.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It's intense.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, how's your anxiety do?
Speaker 5 (01:51):
It's bit's pretty red ratcheted up right now?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah, this need for order is likely why there was
a schedule at day for practical jokes.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Dad who was dad in the army?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Right, So, at about eleven.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Pm on March thirty first, when I was fifteen, my
parents were asleep as I could hear them snoring. I
go into the kitchen with a plan, Greek orderly havoc.
I switched all caps everything. Now, I don't mean I
put the plates where the cookbooks were, and the cookbooks
were the plates that would be too easy to fix.
I took out the plates and put the cookbooks there,
and then put the cups where the cookbooks were, and
(02:26):
the spices where the cups were, and then the non
perishables where the spices were, et cetera, et cetera. In
order to not lick my parents, I had to do
this slowly, sitting down towels and tiptoeing. It took me
until nearly four am. Can you imagine being fifteen.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Fifteen Yeah, that's dedication.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah, until my work was complete. Finally, satisfied with a
job well done, I went to bed. I awoke gleefully
to and all caps, what the hell? I don't know
I'm doing home gym's impression.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
That's a dad sound, that's what dad saw.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Hell around six thirty am, And remember falling back to
sleep to me my parents muttering about, oh my god, it's.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
All the drawers too.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
By the time I got up around eight thirty, it
was as if nothing had ever happened in the kitchen,
and I got a gritted teeth smile about how this
was a great joke, but next time, tone.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
It down a little.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Had I done this to my dad's workshop outside, I
would likely have been out of the will. Regardless of
the rules, April Fools is still an important day to me,
and now my target is my partner, who has had
to eat cookies made with Skittles instead of Eminem's and
other little harmless pranks that somehow he still falls for
without suspicion for the last nearly seven years.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
They married the perfect person.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Oh sweet Doupe.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
Yeah, say sex again. Prank those you love Asia, she
her Asia.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Those are good pranks.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Yeah, I want to go back to the five year
old's blood drinking plant.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
You like that?
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Run well they're five? Yeah, that's really good, just like
mo I drink what okay? The subject line of this
email is groucho comedian, satirist, bank robber, question mark, exclamation boy.
Hello everyone from the Fuckword, Murder mystery show, longtime listener,
second time writer, hopefully first time on the pod. Did
(04:11):
I make it? There is simply no way to know.
In two thousand and nine, I was a supervisor at
my local Safeway in my town. A lot of the
stores had a branch of the local credit union built
into the store. Makes sense need money for your eggs.
There's a credit union for you in store. One afternoon
in August, the manager of the credit union came running
up to me and shouted, we were just robbed. Me,
(04:33):
being twenty years old and possibly stoned, timidly.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Said, uh, is everyone okay.
Speaker 5 (04:39):
She went on to tell me that everyone was fine,
but that someone came to the teller desk wearing a
Groucho Marx mask think the glasses, fake nose, and mustache.
He handed the teller notes, telling her to hand him
all the money in her till, and that he was armed.
Once he had the money, he took off, running out
the door, money and mustache blowing in the summer wind.
(04:59):
Surely this is the craziest it can be, right wrong.
Three weeks later, the same man came back to the
branch and robbed them again. Dude, same note, gun in pocket,
and of course the signature disguise. However, this time there
was a United States marine in line behind him who
noticed something was up and interrupted him. Groucho took off,
(05:19):
running with the marine in hot pursuit on the phone
with the police. Groucho was cornered by the police and
probably the hero marine in a casino parking lot, where
he drew his fake gun on police and was promptly
shot and killed.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
And I just want to say, a bank's money is
not worth risking your life.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
For that tills money till no.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Money is not worth running that person down. Emmocent bystanders
could have been hurt, anything could have happened.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
But that idea of why would you pull a fake gun?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's horrible.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Okay, So imagine my continued surprise to learn that we
were not the only place this guy had robbed in
the recent months. Apparently the FBI was involved in this
case and had dubbed the man the fashioned faux pap
Bandit due to its unusual form of disguise. So I note,
I vote the FBI is now in charge of naming
things from now on. I disagree, stay sexy and don't
(06:14):
impersonate vaudevillian icons when committing felonies.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Brandon he him.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Wow, this is incredible prank. That was awful.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
It was not a prank, but I'm really trying to
support the true crime theme, so.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I appreciate that. Okay.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
My next one's called catfishing, blackmail, and family chicken soup.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
For the murderin No Soul Hello.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
In two thousand and eight, I worked with a recently
widowed woman who was venturing into online dating for the
first time. We'd often chat about her experiences during our breaks.
One day, she excitedly told me about a new man
name quote Mike. He was showering her with flowers, fancy dinners,
and personalized rather suggestive poetry. Ross I know, I cannot.
(06:59):
No one wants regular poetry. No right, No one wants
to hear poetry about like your underwear or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
He also clear poetry poetry, You get out of here.
What are you fucking skunk? A French skunk?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
He also claimed to be a wealthy inventor, having made
his fortune from the zip tie.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Oh, we were already.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Calling bullshit that this guy, right, I mean, that would
be a great lie. I'm the heir to the zip
tie fortunes.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
It's me, Hey, it's me. I was immediately skeptical. Not
only was he not listed as the zip tie inventor online,
but there were other red flags. He claimed to be
divorced but still lived with his ex wife, whom he
described as sometimes bedridden, sometimes mentally unwell. He was also
secretive about his cell phone when they were together, always
seemed to be on it, but never wanting her to
see what he was doing. Despite my concerns, it's hard
(07:49):
to dissuade someone in the throes of infatuation, so I
simply urged her to be cautious. Like, she's recently widowed,
she's trying dating again. Let's assume it's been twenty years
and she's dated. Like, that's just you fall for some shit.
I feel like you forget what dating's like.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
And you want to be kind of blind. You just
want to assume the best, and a friend that says
don't do that, you will just walk away from totally
like you don't. It's too that drug is so.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Strong, I'm wrong.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Around this time, my recently divorced aunt moved in with
my parents to get back on her feet. While visiting,
I learned she was out on a date with someone
she just met, a man named Mike. He was setting
her flowers, taking her to fancy dinners, and writing her
steamy poems.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's his fucking m o.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Mike's a slut, it's fucking creepy, and of course he
claimed to be the zip tie inventor.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
The coincidence was too much.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I immediately shared everything my coworker told me, including the
unsettling details about Mike's living situation and questionable behavior. He
was not only a two timer, but potentially a far
more dangerous predator. Like, don't bring up zip ties immediately.
If you're going to make something up, zip tides are
the creepiest thing you can make.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
That's really just you know what I was thinking of
as ziplock bags. Yeah, so I was like, wow, that's
kind of that's a lot of money. But it's like,
no ties, No, that's really disturbing.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
It is. My parents, upon hearing this, told my aunt
that Mike was not welcome around them or in their
home because they aunt lived with them. The next day,
I received a call from my aunt. She demanded I
retract everything I'd said about Mike or she'd reveal a secret.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Of mine to my parents.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
What Yeah, Jesus, Aunt, Judy, you take it easy.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You don't know him not. Well, it's really weird.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
She's thrown over a family. She's like, immediately, don't get
between me and my man.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, this secret.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Wasn't something I was ashamed of, but it was a
deeply personal choice I'd kept from them, knowing it could
be particularly hurtful. I had never planned on them finding out,
but I'd rather face their disappointment than allow a predator
near my family. Like, what an awful position to put
this person in. So shitty, so shitty, my aunt underestimated me.
Instead of giving in, I called my parents and told
(09:54):
them everything, including my aunt's blackmail attempt. They stood firmly
by my side and asked my aunt to leave their home.
I haven't spoken to her since. I also had to
break the news to my coworker about Mike's double dealing.
It was painful for her, but I believe it ultimately
helped her become more discerning in her dating life. Looking back,
the whole situation feels bizarre. I'm just glad to have
(10:15):
been in a position to protect my family from a
suspicious character. My parents unwavering support solidify at our bond,
and I'm grateful for them every day. Welp, this is
where I leave you.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Bye bye.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Yes, Wow, that was fascinating, you know, like, family dynamics
are so fucked. I just didn't expect an aunt's story
to be like and then my aunt was like fuck you.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I'll blackmail you with a secret you just told me
because I'm your aunt that you trust and like you
can tell anything to.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But guess what you can't.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
She really broke an aunt bond right there.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
That's bullshit, as aunts ourselves that you just cross the line.
Speaker 5 (10:50):
Yeah, George and I are both deeply, deeply offended. Okay again,
this is a variation on the theme, but I just
thought it was really funny. It says email typos and
other uh oh's, Karen and Georgia, I love you so much.
That was all in caps. Now let's lock in. You
were discussing embarrassing mistakes from childhood we grow up with
and are known for basically forever. As a repeat mom,
(11:13):
I mean insert elementary teacher's name here, offender a repeat.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Oh no, called the teacher mom multiple live down.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
I have a more recent story of this for you.
During COVID, while working from home, emails were everything. As
an anxious but eager communications intern with FedEx at the time,
I was regularly communicating with senior leadership as a ghost
writer of sorts. On two, yes, two occasions, my childhood
mistakes got the best of me.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Exhibit A.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
While responding to an email from the CEO of the company,
I sent yes Mama, meaning to write yes ma'am, yes mama,
yes Mama, Slay slay Mama.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Exhibit B.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
While responding to an email from the senior VP of sales,
I sent ho Hoe, how are you meaning to say?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Hello?
Speaker 5 (12:05):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How are you?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Having survived those emails and looking back on how far
I've come as a communications professional, I'm thankful to know
now that no matter how much experience you have, we
are all still humans and make mistakes every goddamn day.
Since listening to one of your early episodes in my
college podcasting class, we.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Could have gone to college after all, I guess we did.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
I guess so they took us to college.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
That is that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
I apologize. I cannot express how thankful I am for
you both. You've gotten me through many miles of half
marathon training, multiple road trips, and filled my Mondays, Wednesdays
and Thursdays with much joy. Not to mention, Karen, I
was also in four each and still currently are as
an advisor, and I love hearing you reflect on it.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So stay sexy and proof. Reread your emails Kelsey.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
K Wow, it is to know like a professional who
actually does that for a living has fucked up.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, ho, how are you?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
How are you? Okay? This is my last one.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Okay, And actually this one is kind of like a
precursor to next week's episode because next week is actually
National Pet Day, so we're gonna do pet stories, hero
hero pet stories. Okay, this is called hero Cat. Hello, ladies,
pets researchers, and the memory of Steven's mustache.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Steph, I got two call outs in this fucking.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Episode, the people, miss Stevens.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I know. I'm writing in about my own personal defender,
my cat Philip. A little background. I live with my
cousin Angie, and four pets, two dogs, Dewey and Chandler
bing and two cats, Philip and Princess. Late one night,
probably after midnight, my cousin was coming home after going out.
Oh yeah, I picked this one because it sounds like
something my cat Mo would do. I was already in
(13:54):
that with the dogs. Being a smart murderino, I had
locked up the house prior to going to sleep, thinking
my cousin had her key. I forgot she had broken
it off in the lock earlier that week, so I
slept in blissful ignorance while she fought with the door,
called my phone it was on Do not Disturb, and
finally resorted to seeing if she could break it. I
want to remind you I have two dogs. Neither alerted
(14:15):
me to her assaulting the back door. She gets our
front porch rocker, hauls it to the side of the
house and proceeds to climb into the window in our
living room. As she's halfway through, the dog's still unconcerned,
My cat Philip decides to take matters into his own hands,
she says, out of nowhere, He flies straight at her face,
(14:35):
claws out.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Good boy.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
He begins hitting her in the face as hard as
his little toe beans could. Oh Mo would totally fucking
do this. Yeah, and I could see that even if
he knew who it was, he might do it anyways
till he hit a bitch. Sure, she grabbed him and
told him to stop. He was undeterred. He continued to
bat at her, this time with claws in as we
think he realized it was her and was now just
pissed she was coming through the window.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
So no closse the second time.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Okay, but now it's just a fun game.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
Thuck you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I still did not wake up, nor did the dogs.
Thank god it was only Angie and Philip was there
to defend the house, stay sexy and maybe be a
smarter murderino and lock the windows too. Cho she her,
that's a really good point. You lock yourself out of
the front door.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
And it's that easy to break in everything. Just go
right in this store. Yeah, smaller, harder to get into. Okay,
here's my last one. The subject line is how my
dad traumatized me with the Jaws ride at Universal Studios,
because there's a fine line between pranking and lifelong trauma
from a parent. Truly, Hi, hotties, longtime listener, first time emailer,
(15:42):
love you, blah blah blah. Let's get into it. I'm
not sure if you specifically asked for childhood humiliation or
parent prank stories, but here's mine. The year is two
thousand and six. I'm seven years old on vacation in
Florida with my dad, brother, and stepmom. We're staying at
the Nickelodeon Hotel. And then in parentheses, it says peak
childhood luxury, Richie rich I want to know details about
(16:06):
the Nickelodeon Hotel.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, what is that? No idea little cars that you
can drive around in the hallway.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
So it's fun.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Bowls of candy.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
And on this particular day we're heading to Universal Studios.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Life is good.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
That afternoon, my dad has planned a boat ride for us.
All as an amateur marine biologist read Avid SpongeBob watcher
and mermade enthusiast, I am thrilled getting on the boat.
My brother offers me the seat closest to the water.
This should have been a red flag, as my brother
was never this nice, but I took the seat without hesitation.
The boat tour starts taking us through a town I've
(16:40):
never heard of, but I, being seven, am not really
paying attention to what the guide is saying. I just
remember thinking, Wow, I love Florida. The wind in my hair,
the sun on my face. A perfect moment. And then
suddenly the energy shifts. Our tour guide gets a radio
call something about an accident with another boat. Up ahead,
we see the wreckage, a boat cap sized with a
(17:01):
massive jagged bite taken out of it. The guide is panicking.
My first grade brain is desperately trying to process what
I'm seeing and then I see it, a shark fin,
a massive shark fin, slicing through the water toward us.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Our boat speeds away.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
I grip my seat, my heart pounding as we narrowly escape,
taking shelter in a dark, flickering boat house, and just
when I think we might be safe, bam, the shark
lunges out of the water at the boat and that's
when I lose my mind. I start screaming. I mean,
blood curdling, guttural survival mode scream. The shark attacks again,
(17:38):
this time coming right for me.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
This is it.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I think we are all going to die. If you
haven't figured it out by now. The boat ride my
dad so thoughtfully planned was in fact the Jaws ride.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
I'd never seen Jaws yet.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
My father, my protector, and my hero thought it'd be
hilarious to prank me with a life for death encounter
with a giant, animatronic shark.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
I don't remember. After that, we blacked out from sheer terror.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
At some point, the shark died and we made it
back to shore, where I finally realized did it all
been a setup? As an absolute daddy's girl, the betrayal
cut deep. I refuse to acknowledge my father for the
rest of the day, a small price to pay in
his eyes.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
In the years that followed, he never.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Apologized for this manufactured trauma. His only regret that he
didn't bring a video camera to capture my screams, red
face and now legendary forehead vein that made its first
and most dramatic appearance that it just says, what an asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
I lost my dad, Bruce in twenty nineteen to brain cancer,
and my life has never been the same. He was
my best friend and truly the best parent my brother
and I could have asked for, though this story does
not paint him.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
In the best light.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
And then he says, zellowell, he didn't listen to MFN,
but I know he would have loved it. He's definitely
the reason I'm a murdering No anyway, I'm not sure
what the lesson here is, stay sexy and don't trust
your dad.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Good enough?
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Love Emily, Oh, Emily, that was sweet? Not so good?
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah, I love that's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Prank and I want to be like parents, don't prank
your kid, But.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Like I'm not a parent, so I don't know how
fucking stressful kids are all the time, and there's once
in a while you just gotta fucking frank those little shits.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I think there's also the piece of it where it's
like real life is really hard. You will get the
shit surprised out of you at times you won't be
expecting it and don't.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Never be right ready right?
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Is that it? I don't know, but but the forehead
is hilarious.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
A seven year old, blood curdling, guttural screaming.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
So good.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Oh, Happy April Fool's Day.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Thanks guys for writing and write in anything you want.
You have a prank story you just thought of, now
you don't have to wait till next April Fool's Day.
You can send it in now at my Favorite Murder
at gmail because we accept any fucking story.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
We just want it all.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Good Bye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 5 (19:58):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Our senior producers are Alehundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Quilacci.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Email your hometowns to my Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Listen to my.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
And now you can watch us on exactly Writes YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Y bye bye
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder mini So MANI
we email. Nope, we email you email you email, We
read you read them.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hey, and guess what, It's almost April Fool's Day.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, do you have a prank story to kick us
off with?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, I'll kick us off with the prank story.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Okay, this is called prank on very very right, Dear
Karen Georgia, Still Stephen, even though I know you aren't
involved right now and all the other fantastic folks involved
in the.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Show, still Steve.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
That's very sweetter.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
All these years you asked for stories about pranks, and
I immediately put down my quilting to type this up,
as otherwise I would have forgot. Finally, I thought, it's
my time to shine. April Fool's Day is one of
my favorite holidays. It was the only we were allowed
to play practical jokes in my household, and this was
a big deal. There were the classics, my mom taping
the lid of the toilet down so my sleepy brother
(01:08):
would slap himself trying to open it. My brother dying
his water red so my mom would think he was
drinking blood, and he says, not a great prank, but
he was five, and my dad waking my brother and
I up for school, getting us all ready and to
the bus stop, then informing.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Us it was Saturday.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Oh ouch.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
However, I want to tell you my best prank, as
I am quite proud, and it required some careful planning. Firstly,
you need to know that my dad is neat and
orderly and did almost all of the cooking.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I grew up with strict.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Rules about how the dishwasher was loaded, that spices need
to be placed with their labels facing out, and that
everything had a place which was never changed, including each
item in the pantry based on how often it is
used and who uses it.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It's intense.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, how's your anxiety do?
Speaker 5 (01:51):
It's bit's pretty red ratcheted up right now?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah, this need for order is likely why there was
a schedule at day for practical jokes.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Dad who was dad in the army?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Right, So, at about eleven.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Pm on March thirty first, when I was fifteen, my
parents were asleep as I could hear them snoring. I
go into the kitchen with a plan, Greek orderly havoc.
I switched all caps everything. Now, I don't mean I
put the plates where the cookbooks were, and the cookbooks
were the plates that would be too easy to fix.
I took out the plates and put the cookbooks there,
and then put the cups where the cookbooks were, and
(02:26):
the spices where the cups were, and then the non
perishables where the spices were, et cetera, et cetera. In
order to not lick my parents, I had to do
this slowly, sitting down towels and tiptoeing. It took me
until nearly four am. Can you imagine being fifteen.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
Fifteen Yeah, that's dedication.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah, until my work was complete. Finally, satisfied with a
job well done, I went to bed. I awoke gleefully
to and all caps, what the hell? I don't know
I'm doing home gym's impression.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
That's a dad sound, that's what dad saw.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Hell around six thirty am, And remember falling back to
sleep to me my parents muttering about, oh my god, it's.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
All the drawers too.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
By the time I got up around eight thirty, it
was as if nothing had ever happened in the kitchen,
and I got a gritted teeth smile about how this
was a great joke, but next time, tone.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
It down a little.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Had I done this to my dad's workshop outside, I
would likely have been out of the will. Regardless of
the rules, April Fools is still an important day to me,
and now my target is my partner, who has had
to eat cookies made with Skittles instead of Eminem's and
other little harmless pranks that somehow he still falls for
without suspicion for the last nearly seven years.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
They married the perfect person.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Oh sweet Doupe.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
Yeah, say sex again. Prank those you love Asia, she
her Asia.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Those are good pranks.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Yeah, I want to go back to the five year
old's blood drinking plant.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
You like that?
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Run well they're five? Yeah, that's really good, just like
mo I drink what okay? The subject line of this
email is groucho comedian, satirist, bank robber, question mark, exclamation boy.
Hello everyone from the Fuckword, Murder mystery show, longtime listener,
second time writer, hopefully first time on the pod. Did
(04:11):
I make it? There is simply no way to know.
In two thousand and nine, I was a supervisor at
my local Safeway in my town. A lot of the
stores had a branch of the local credit union built
into the store. Makes sense need money for your eggs.
There's a credit union for you in store. One afternoon
in August, the manager of the credit union came running
up to me and shouted, we were just robbed. Me,
(04:33):
being twenty years old and possibly stoned, timidly.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Said, uh, is everyone okay.
Speaker 5 (04:39):
She went on to tell me that everyone was fine,
but that someone came to the teller desk wearing a
Groucho Marx mask think the glasses, fake nose, and mustache.
He handed the teller notes, telling her to hand him
all the money in her till, and that he was armed.
Once he had the money, he took off, running out
the door, money and mustache blowing in the summer wind.
(04:59):
Surely this is the craziest it can be, right wrong.
Three weeks later, the same man came back to the
branch and robbed them again. Dude, same note, gun in pocket,
and of course the signature disguise. However, this time there
was a United States marine in line behind him who
noticed something was up and interrupted him. Groucho took off,
(05:19):
running with the marine in hot pursuit on the phone
with the police. Groucho was cornered by the police and
probably the hero marine in a casino parking lot, where
he drew his fake gun on police and was promptly
shot and killed.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
And I just want to say, a bank's money is
not worth risking your life.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
For that tills money till no.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Money is not worth running that person down. Emmocent bystanders
could have been hurt, anything could have happened.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
But that idea of why would you pull a fake gun?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's horrible.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Okay, So imagine my continued surprise to learn that we
were not the only place this guy had robbed in
the recent months. Apparently the FBI was involved in this
case and had dubbed the man the fashioned faux pap
Bandit due to its unusual form of disguise. So I note,
I vote the FBI is now in charge of naming
things from now on. I disagree, stay sexy and don't
(06:14):
impersonate vaudevillian icons when committing felonies.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Brandon he him.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Wow, this is incredible prank. That was awful.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
It was not a prank, but I'm really trying to
support the true crime theme, so.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I appreciate that. Okay.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
My next one's called catfishing, blackmail, and family chicken soup.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
For the murderin No Soul Hello.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
In two thousand and eight, I worked with a recently
widowed woman who was venturing into online dating for the
first time. We'd often chat about her experiences during our breaks.
One day, she excitedly told me about a new man
name quote Mike. He was showering her with flowers, fancy dinners,
and personalized rather suggestive poetry. Ross I know, I cannot.
(06:59):
No one wants regular poetry. No right, No one wants
to hear poetry about like your underwear or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
He also clear poetry poetry, You get out of here.
What are you fucking skunk? A French skunk?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
He also claimed to be a wealthy inventor, having made
his fortune from the zip tie.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Oh, we were already.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Calling bullshit that this guy, right, I mean, that would
be a great lie. I'm the heir to the zip
tie fortunes.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
It's me, Hey, it's me. I was immediately skeptical. Not
only was he not listed as the zip tie inventor online,
but there were other red flags. He claimed to be
divorced but still lived with his ex wife, whom he
described as sometimes bedridden, sometimes mentally unwell. He was also
secretive about his cell phone when they were together, always
seemed to be on it, but never wanting her to
see what he was doing. Despite my concerns, it's hard
(07:49):
to dissuade someone in the throes of infatuation, so I
simply urged her to be cautious. Like, she's recently widowed,
she's trying dating again. Let's assume it's been twenty years
and she's dated. Like, that's just you fall for some shit.
I feel like you forget what dating's like.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
And you want to be kind of blind. You just
want to assume the best, and a friend that says
don't do that, you will just walk away from totally
like you don't. It's too that drug is so.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Strong, I'm wrong.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Around this time, my recently divorced aunt moved in with
my parents to get back on her feet. While visiting,
I learned she was out on a date with someone
she just met, a man named Mike. He was setting
her flowers, taking her to fancy dinners, and writing her
steamy poems.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's his fucking m o.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Mike's a slut, it's fucking creepy, and of course he
claimed to be the zip tie inventor.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
The coincidence was too much.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I immediately shared everything my coworker told me, including the
unsettling details about Mike's living situation and questionable behavior. He
was not only a two timer, but potentially a far
more dangerous predator. Like, don't bring up zip ties immediately.
If you're going to make something up, zip tides are
the creepiest thing you can make.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
That's really just you know what I was thinking of
as ziplock bags. Yeah, so I was like, wow, that's
kind of that's a lot of money. But it's like,
no ties, No, that's really disturbing.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
It is. My parents, upon hearing this, told my aunt
that Mike was not welcome around them or in their
home because they aunt lived with them. The next day,
I received a call from my aunt. She demanded I
retract everything I'd said about Mike or she'd reveal a secret.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Of mine to my parents.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
What Yeah, Jesus, Aunt, Judy, you take it easy.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You don't know him not. Well, it's really weird.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
She's thrown over a family. She's like, immediately, don't get
between me and my man.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, this secret.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Wasn't something I was ashamed of, but it was a
deeply personal choice I'd kept from them, knowing it could
be particularly hurtful. I had never planned on them finding out,
but I'd rather face their disappointment than allow a predator
near my family. Like, what an awful position to put
this person in. So shitty, so shitty, my aunt underestimated me.
Instead of giving in, I called my parents and told
(09:54):
them everything, including my aunt's blackmail attempt. They stood firmly
by my side and asked my aunt to leave their home.
I haven't spoken to her since. I also had to
break the news to my coworker about Mike's double dealing.
It was painful for her, but I believe it ultimately
helped her become more discerning in her dating life. Looking back,
the whole situation feels bizarre. I'm just glad to have
(10:15):
been in a position to protect my family from a
suspicious character. My parents unwavering support solidify at our bond,
and I'm grateful for them every day. Welp, this is
where I leave you.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Bye bye.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Yes, Wow, that was fascinating, you know, like, family dynamics
are so fucked. I just didn't expect an aunt's story
to be like and then my aunt was like fuck you.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I'll blackmail you with a secret you just told me
because I'm your aunt that you trust and like you
can tell anything to.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But guess what you can't.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
She really broke an aunt bond right there.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
That's bullshit, as aunts ourselves that you just cross the line.
Speaker 5 (10:50):
Yeah, George and I are both deeply, deeply offended. Okay again,
this is a variation on the theme, but I just
thought it was really funny. It says email typos and
other uh oh's, Karen and Georgia, I love you so much.
That was all in caps. Now let's lock in. You
were discussing embarrassing mistakes from childhood we grow up with
and are known for basically forever. As a repeat mom,
(11:13):
I mean insert elementary teacher's name here, offender a repeat.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Oh no, called the teacher mom multiple live down.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
I have a more recent story of this for you.
During COVID, while working from home, emails were everything. As
an anxious but eager communications intern with FedEx at the time,
I was regularly communicating with senior leadership as a ghost
writer of sorts. On two, yes, two occasions, my childhood
mistakes got the best of me.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Exhibit A.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
While responding to an email from the CEO of the company,
I sent yes Mama, meaning to write yes ma'am, yes mama,
yes Mama, Slay slay Mama.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Exhibit B.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
While responding to an email from the senior VP of sales,
I sent ho Hoe, how are you meaning to say?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Hello?
Speaker 5 (12:05):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How are you?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Having survived those emails and looking back on how far
I've come as a communications professional, I'm thankful to know
now that no matter how much experience you have, we
are all still humans and make mistakes every goddamn day.
Since listening to one of your early episodes in my
college podcasting class, we.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Could have gone to college after all, I guess we did.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
I guess so they took us to college.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
That is that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
I apologize. I cannot express how thankful I am for
you both. You've gotten me through many miles of half
marathon training, multiple road trips, and filled my Mondays, Wednesdays
and Thursdays with much joy. Not to mention, Karen, I
was also in four each and still currently are as
an advisor, and I love hearing you reflect on it.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So stay sexy and proof. Reread your emails Kelsey.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
K Wow, it is to know like a professional who
actually does that for a living has fucked up.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, ho, how are you?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
How are you? Okay? This is my last one.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Okay, And actually this one is kind of like a
precursor to next week's episode because next week is actually
National Pet Day, so we're gonna do pet stories, hero
hero pet stories. Okay, this is called hero Cat. Hello, ladies,
pets researchers, and the memory of Steven's mustache.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Steph, I got two call outs in this fucking.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Episode, the people, miss Stevens.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I know. I'm writing in about my own personal defender,
my cat Philip. A little background. I live with my
cousin Angie, and four pets, two dogs, Dewey and Chandler
bing and two cats, Philip and Princess. Late one night,
probably after midnight, my cousin was coming home after going out.
Oh yeah, I picked this one because it sounds like
something my cat Mo would do. I was already in
(13:54):
that with the dogs. Being a smart murderino, I had
locked up the house prior to going to sleep, thinking
my cousin had her key. I forgot she had broken
it off in the lock earlier that week, so I
slept in blissful ignorance while she fought with the door,
called my phone it was on Do not Disturb, and
finally resorted to seeing if she could break it. I
want to remind you I have two dogs. Neither alerted
(14:15):
me to her assaulting the back door. She gets our
front porch rocker, hauls it to the side of the
house and proceeds to climb into the window in our
living room. As she's halfway through, the dog's still unconcerned,
My cat Philip decides to take matters into his own hands,
she says, out of nowhere, He flies straight at her face,
(14:35):
claws out.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Good boy.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
He begins hitting her in the face as hard as
his little toe beans could. Oh Mo would totally fucking
do this. Yeah, and I could see that even if
he knew who it was, he might do it anyways
till he hit a bitch. Sure, she grabbed him and
told him to stop. He was undeterred. He continued to
bat at her, this time with claws in as we
think he realized it was her and was now just
pissed she was coming through the window.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
So no closse the second time.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Okay, but now it's just a fun game.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
Thuck you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:06):
I still did not wake up, nor did the dogs.
Thank god it was only Angie and Philip was there
to defend the house, stay sexy and maybe be a
smarter murderino and lock the windows too. Cho she her,
that's a really good point. You lock yourself out of
the front door.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
And it's that easy to break in everything. Just go
right in this store. Yeah, smaller, harder to get into. Okay,
here's my last one. The subject line is how my
dad traumatized me with the Jaws ride at Universal Studios,
because there's a fine line between pranking and lifelong trauma
from a parent. Truly, Hi, hotties, longtime listener, first time emailer,
(15:42):
love you, blah blah blah. Let's get into it. I'm
not sure if you specifically asked for childhood humiliation or
parent prank stories, but here's mine. The year is two
thousand and six. I'm seven years old on vacation in
Florida with my dad, brother, and stepmom. We're staying at
the Nickelodeon Hotel. And then in parentheses, it says peak
childhood luxury, Richie rich I want to know details about
(16:06):
the Nickelodeon Hotel.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, what is that? No idea little cars that you
can drive around in the hallway.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
So it's fun.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Bowls of candy.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
And on this particular day we're heading to Universal Studios.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Life is good.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
That afternoon, my dad has planned a boat ride for us.
All as an amateur marine biologist read Avid SpongeBob watcher
and mermade enthusiast, I am thrilled getting on the boat.
My brother offers me the seat closest to the water.
This should have been a red flag, as my brother
was never this nice, but I took the seat without hesitation.
The boat tour starts taking us through a town I've
(16:40):
never heard of, but I, being seven, am not really
paying attention to what the guide is saying. I just
remember thinking, Wow, I love Florida. The wind in my hair,
the sun on my face. A perfect moment. And then
suddenly the energy shifts. Our tour guide gets a radio
call something about an accident with another boat. Up ahead,
we see the wreckage, a boat cap sized with a
(17:01):
massive jagged bite taken out of it. The guide is panicking.
My first grade brain is desperately trying to process what
I'm seeing and then I see it, a shark fin,
a massive shark fin, slicing through the water toward us.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Our boat speeds away.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
I grip my seat, my heart pounding as we narrowly escape,
taking shelter in a dark, flickering boat house, and just
when I think we might be safe, bam, the shark
lunges out of the water at the boat and that's
when I lose my mind. I start screaming. I mean,
blood curdling, guttural survival mode scream. The shark attacks again,
(17:38):
this time coming right for me.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
This is it.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I think we are all going to die. If you
haven't figured it out by now. The boat ride my
dad so thoughtfully planned was in fact the Jaws ride.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
I'd never seen Jaws yet.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
My father, my protector, and my hero thought it'd be
hilarious to prank me with a life for death encounter
with a giant, animatronic shark.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
I don't remember. After that, we blacked out from sheer terror.
Speaker 5 (18:01):
At some point, the shark died and we made it
back to shore, where I finally realized did it all
been a setup? As an absolute daddy's girl, the betrayal
cut deep. I refuse to acknowledge my father for the
rest of the day, a small price to pay in
his eyes.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
In the years that followed, he never.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Apologized for this manufactured trauma. His only regret that he
didn't bring a video camera to capture my screams, red
face and now legendary forehead vein that made its first
and most dramatic appearance that it just says, what an asshole.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
I lost my dad, Bruce in twenty nineteen to brain cancer,
and my life has never been the same. He was
my best friend and truly the best parent my brother
and I could have asked for, though this story does
not paint him.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
In the best light.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
And then he says, zellowell, he didn't listen to MFN,
but I know he would have loved it. He's definitely
the reason I'm a murdering No anyway, I'm not sure
what the lesson here is, stay sexy and don't trust
your dad.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Good enough?
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Love Emily, Oh, Emily, that was sweet? Not so good?
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah, I love that's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Prank and I want to be like parents, don't prank
your kid, But.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Like I'm not a parent, so I don't know how
fucking stressful kids are all the time, and there's once
in a while you just gotta fucking frank those little shits.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I think there's also the piece of it where it's
like real life is really hard. You will get the
shit surprised out of you at times you won't be
expecting it and don't.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Never be right ready right?
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Is that it? I don't know, but but the forehead
is hilarious.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
A seven year old, blood curdling, guttural screaming.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
So good.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Oh, Happy April Fool's Day.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Thanks guys for writing and write in anything you want.
You have a prank story you just thought of, now
you don't have to wait till next April Fool's Day.
You can send it in now at my Favorite Murder
at gmail because we accept any fucking story.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
We just want it all.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Good Bye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 5 (19:58):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Our senior producers are Alehundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Quilacci.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Email your hometowns to my Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Listen to my.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever
you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
And now you can watch us on exactly Writes YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Y bye bye
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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