December 22, 2025 • 18 mins
This week’s hometowns include a near-death experience with the Ghost of Christmas Future and an ornament-loving trash kid.
For our sources, please visit https://www.myfavoritemurder.com/episodes.
Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g.
Head to social media to share your favorite moments from this episode.
Instagram: instagram.com/myfavoritemurder
Facebook: facebook.com/myfavoritemurder
TikTok: tiktok.com/@my_favorite_murder
Watch full episodes of My Favorite Murder on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@my_favorite_murder
Send your hometown stories to myfavoritemurder@gmail.com.
Join the Fan Cult to access ad-free episodes of My Favorite Murder. Members also receive merch store discounts, exclusive audio and video content and more! Visit www.fancult.supercast.com to join.
Shop for My Favorite Murder and other Exactly Right merchandise here: www.exactlyrightstore.com.
Rate, review and follow My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you like to listen.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode we read
you our Stories.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
This is a holiday episode. Do you want to hear
your holiday emails?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Go?
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I want you to go first, Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
The subject line of this is Christmas card photos at
John List's house. Hi, Karen and Georgia. A longtime listener,
first time writer. I've been listening since i was sixteen.
And then it says scary in parentheses. I've got a
hometown story for you that gives me chills. But my
dad could not care less. My dad and his four
brothers grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. In the early
nineteen seventies. They spent a lot of time visiting their
(00:50):
cousins in Westfield, who, it turns out, lived just three
houses down from the List family. Their three oldest cousins
were the same ages as the List children and walked
to school with them. I've known about the Westfield connection
for a while and always brought it up as a
creepy little family fun fact. I've even said how much
I wish my great aunt and uncle were still alive
(01:11):
so I could pick their brains.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
They were there when it all happened, but it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Wasn't until this past week while I was talking about
it again that my dad suddenly goes, oh, yeah, I
think we actually took a Christmas card photo in their
yard once, excuse me what. He then remembered that my
grandma had taken their Christmas card photo in the front
yard of the List house right before the murders. There
was this big tree branch that curved low to the ground,
and she had all five boys, ages eight to one,
(01:38):
sit on it.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
She just liked the tree. No one thought anything of it.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Meanwhile, I'm spiraling and tearing through family photo albums trying
to find it, and my Dad's just like, huh, weird
and goes back to watching the Yankees game. And because
apparently my entire life is an MFM plot line, I
was also conceived via IVF and years later we found
out that Melanie Maguire, the suitcase murderer, was a nurse
(02:03):
at the fertility clinic. She was one of the people
monitoring my embryo's development. She was also allegedly in love
with the doctor. My mom, upon hearing this, just shook
her head and said he was handsome, but not murdering
your husband handsome. So yeah, I was literally watched over
by a murderer during my earliest stages of development. That's
a little dramatic, watched over when you're an embryo and
(02:25):
somehow turned out kind of normal. I guess my love
of true crime started at day zero. Thanks for letting
weirdos like me feel seen, heard, and only mildly cursed.
SSDGM Forever Shannon.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
A couple of connections, at least two. Okay, my first
one's called Christmas Pinata of Terror. Hello MFM, beautiful ladies.
I am a pretty new listener, but just like anything
new that I enjoy, I am now obsessed. I even
fall asleep listening sometimes. And let me tell you I've
had some weird dreams. I thought i'd share just one
of my family stories that always gets talked about when
(03:00):
we reunite. Hope you enjoy as much as we do
this horrid memory. The year is nineteen ninety three in Oceanside, California,
at Myabulita's house on Christmas Eve. We are a big
Mexican family. My Abuela had seven children and in total
nineteen grandchildren. Well, at this point there were only about
eleven of us, most of us under the age of eight,
(03:21):
I was five.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Eleven kids under the age of eight.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, that's intense, that's too many, that's a grammar school basically.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like most Mexican families, we celebrate with a big party
on Christmas Eve that lasts all night, with lots of food, music,
and of course booze. Well, on this Christmas Eve, we
had a pinata to celebrate, but as it was winter
and reading outside, the adults decided to have the pinnata
in the garage. Like usual, every kid took turns trying
to break the pinata, and once they couldn't, the bigger
cousins took their turns. If you've ever been at the
(03:50):
moment when a pinata.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Breaks, all hell breaks loose.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
We were all screaming with excitement and jumping to tried
and grab all the candy scattered on the floor.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Well, this very excited moment.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
My uncle Danielle, who was the youngest of the seven
and twenty years old at this time and also quite intoxicated,
thought it would be hilarious idea to grab a random
box of stuff on a shelf in my abuela's garage
and toss it on top of all the children who
are head down, scattered on the floor grabbing candy nails.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
What he didn't know.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
At the time was that this particular box was filled
with nails.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I guessed it. Sorry, should I not do that?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I like it. Okay, nails, screws, hammers, wrenches and heavy
duty locks.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Oh shit, this is trash, uncle.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It's so much worse than nails. It's so much heavier
and more dangerous than nails.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
So it's so bad. It's so bad.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And drunk uncle, yes.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
You can imagine.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Cheers of joys turned into cries and screamed from all
us kids. My cousin, who was four, was holding his
head crying because a giant lock had landed straight on it.
We all ran to our parents with our bruises, and
my aunts and uncles were yelling at my drunk uncle,
who was confused and also feeling so terrible. Just like
most Mexican family horrible moments, they get turned into the
(05:04):
funniest moments to share now that we are all.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
In our thirties and forties.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Hope you laugh as much as I do every time
I remember my drunk uncle ruining Christmas. Remember to stay
sexy and don't throw a box of tools on children
during a pinata your fan, Kayla.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Kayla, it's almost like your uncle thought that in that
garage there were boxes of confetti or like boxes of
tutsi rolls.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
What could the like positive thing have been in a
fucking garage.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Nothing, It's just the idea of like it would be
funny if his other twenty year old friends were doing it, Yeah,
because then it's like a box of whatever, Right, But
a four year old that's like you hit me in
the head with a master lock, right.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Like what was the best outcome he was expecting? Like pushpins?
Even like what could have been okay.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
In a garage setting, earplus earplugs would have been even then.
This is an saying I'm not going to read you
the subject line. The good thing is that these are
holiday stories where it's like holidays are made for fuck
ups like that. It's the best. Here's another one. Hello there,
(06:11):
all you bright young things. Been listening to you, lovely
ladies since twenty eighteen. Love all you do for this
community of adorable creeps, as well as the many other
things you do for those in need. In parentheses, it
says I'm actually the Instagram commenter who told you the
story of my son and I when I was unhoused
and living in a truck remeunder that ooh yeah, yeah,
this is her. I'd love to share my shit adult
(06:33):
story with you. As this revolves around a theater performance,
let me set this scene for you. For several years
I headed up a field trip for homeschooled children. Yes,
I was trying to socialize them, but they mostly remained
stubbornly and gloriously weird. I finally handed the reins of
the group over to a more capable mom with seven kids,
as I was woefully unqualified with only a homeschool starter
(06:54):
pack of five children. Not a contest, Thankfully, today, after
twenty one years of homeschooling, these days of tearing my
hair out over fourth grade grammar lessons and begging my
kids to put on pants are behind me now.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Hope it was worth it.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
One December, I was able to secure our group tickets
to a local production of a Christmas Carol that was
putting on a special matinee for elementary students. Happily, Dickens
was an acceptable topic even for my most conservative group members.
So off we went, congesting the city's traffic flow with
dozens of eight passenger vans. It's really specific. We were
(07:32):
all thoroughly enjoying the play. The actors were excellent, the
live orchestra playing in the pit were performing brilliantly. We
arrived at one of the seminal moments in Ebenezer Scrooge's
moral arc, the graveyard scene. Scrooge encounters his own tombstone
under the bony finger of the ghost of Christmas Future,
played by an actor dressed in a grim Reaper style
hood and cape. Just as Scrooge began to beg the
(07:54):
Specter to tell him how to prevent such evil prognostications,
the Ghost of Christmas Future, hood shrouding their face, floated
ominously towards the front of the stage and immediately went
over the edge with the very loud what the fuck
in their headset mike. They crashed into the orchestra pit,
where all manner of instruments clattered and banged.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh my god, fell into the pit.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Oh my god, the specter had landed on the French
horn player. The house lights went up and the theater
staff appeared on stage. They asked that all the students
remained quietly in their seats while they peered down at
the carnage and the orchestra pit, an ambulance was called
the Ghost of Christmas Future had a concussion and the
French horn player had cracked two ribs.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Oh my god, I.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
So it's so awful.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Have you seen the video of Kelsey Grammar falling off
the stage? Yeah, he's like acting and then he just
liked the one false move. It's so violent, But I
doubt anything will ever be as horrifying to him as
looking up and seeing what appeared to be the grim
Reaper falling on him. To our kids credit, the theater
manager said we were the best behaved group of children
they'd ever had for many of them, though their silence
(09:04):
might have been the shock and trauma of hearing the.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
F word for the first time. Fun in a house might.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Oh, like, yes, resigning, what the fuck? Is so much
better than just a fuck?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
I think those kids learned far more than we intended
that day. Maybe there's no correlation, but I was deposed
as group leaders soon after Stay Sexy and Don't Yell
WTF to an audience of three hundred homeschoolers.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Betsy, that's good.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So good, and like he had his mask on, so
we like never got in trouble for it, probably like
no one is ever gonna.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Right he it's not really him, it's mononymous.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Of course, death is gonna say fucking front of your
kids for the first time.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
He's falling off the fucking stage.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
He's Death.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Who's dying?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
That's the scar the scary.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
One time I was an Oliver and the guy that
played the artful Dodger had this big long coat on
and during his like song I can't remember what the
song was, he turned to like dramatically turned to the
rest of the you know, orphans or whatever, and he
had a bag of Eminem's in his pocket that just
sprayed in an arc across the stage, where I was like, oh,
(10:06):
this is bad.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
See watching it.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
If that came out of a pinata, not fucking hilarious,
that would have fixed Christmas.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
That's right, not out of.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Coat. Okay, this is a trash kids story. Hi ya, Earthlings,
trash Kids Unite. It's December nineteen ninety six and I
was a wee four year old trying to make my
way in the world. Preschool was wild and we were
tasked with making a Christmas ornament for our parents, but
only one for the pair, But how will that work?
I have newly divorced parents and I can't possibly choose
(10:39):
between the two. My teacher understands my predicament and kindly
lets me make two ornaments.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Here comes the end.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Of the day and Tammy, the mother of all mothers,
comes to pick up her daughter me and the teacher
pulls her aside. Miss Tracy says, Tammy, I'm so sorry
to hear that you and Doug are getting a divorce.
We had no idea and he didn't say a thing
during drop off this morning. Tammy is stunned and says,
excuse me, and.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Thought to herself.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
When I left the house this morning, everything was fine.
He gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he
loved me.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Oh no, Miss Tracy.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Says, well, page let us know this morning that Doug
has packed up his stuff in boxes by the front
door and things are not working out, so he's leaving tonight.
She insisted that she make Christmas presents for both of you,
since he will be alone for Christmas this year, and
then alarm bell started going off. My brilliant four year
old ass decided to make up an elaborate ruse and
(11:31):
tell my teachers that my parents were getting a divorce,
and my father has packed his bags to move in
with my grandparents for the sole reason of getting to
all caps make two Christmas ornaments.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
She's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
She's about quantity that's not falling.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I can only make one. How about I make up
an elaborate lie.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
How about I just pulled together whatever it will take
to get me a second ornament?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But like believable enough to an adult that it worked
and a four year old.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, having you those details of like his bags are packed.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, it's pretty smart, Like, yeah, how did they know
that was the thing?
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Mych to Tammy's delight.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Her husband was there when we got home and confirmed
they are not getting a divorce. They've been married for
thirty seven years and are my favorite people in the world,
I says DGM Page.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I mean, epic, just an epic. It's kind of a
good brag story about yourself. You're like, I was a
pretty smart, precocious four year old.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
This is my trash kid story. I was a liar.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
But imagine if that woman really was finding out that
she was getting divorced.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Through their hurt.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Oh my god, like preschool teacher, what a way to go.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
What are your terrible divorce stories? How'd you find out
you were getting a divorce?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I did lie in college and told my math teacher
that I had been skipping class because my parents were
getting a divorce. Wow, because I just wanted her to
leave me alone. But then as I walked away from
that conversation, I was like, Oh that was that was
a bad vibe to do.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
This feels bad.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It all felt so bad.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Yeah, here's my last one. This subject line is childhood
magic with a twist. Hi ladies, First off, thank you
for everything you do, especially for advocating mental health awareness
and for the life changing mantra fuck politeness. As a
woman raised to keep things buttoned up and lady like,
this advice has been a game changer. It's helped me
(13:14):
grow into a badass mom who teaches her daughter to
speak up, trust her gut, and take up space unapologetically.
Now onto my hometown ish holiday tail. I've been listening
since the beginning, and it's never occurred to me that
this story might fall squarely into your weight what category?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
H did you know that was a category?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
But I love it?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (13:33):
What Back in the eighties, when I was five or six.
Money was tight for our family, like it was for
a lot of people, but my parents always went all
out to make the holidays feel magical. One of our
most sacred traditions was piling into the family truck after
dark to go get the Christmas tree. We'd bundle up,
drive deep into the woods, and be told very seriously
to stay quiet. Then, without headlights, my parents would disappear
(13:57):
into the trees and return dragging the perfect pine.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Flash forward to college. I'm swapping holiday memories with my roommate.
She's telling sweet stories about baking shortbread cookies with her mom,
and I'm like, oh, well, we used to drive into
the woods at night without lights and whisper while my
parents cut down a tree. Her smile slowly morphed into confusion.
That's when it hit me, Oh my god, we were
stealing Christmas trees, didn't I didn't get it.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Until I read that lie, like no lights a Christmas tree?
I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
She laughed so hard she cried, and I, mortified, immediately
called my parents. They didn't even try to deny it.
In fact, they chuckled and said, well, yeah, but it
was all fine. They reassured me because years later my
dad worked weekends at a tree farm, so in their
minds it was basically even I still laugh how sincerely
naive I was. My parents are strong, resourceful people who
(14:49):
would do anything to make sure that we had joyful memories,
even if those memories came with a bit of a
misdemeanor SSDGM and don't get caught stealing spruces s and
it says ps keeping my full name off this one
because who knows that the statute limitations covers holiday tree
heights from the eighties.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I wonder I'm wondering if it was like from the
forest or from like a Christmas tree farm.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Yet sounds to me like like once I read all
the way through, I was like, I bet they pulled
up on like a little road next to the Christmas
tree farm and then like cut through the fence totally,
because I think they do extend past. I mean, that's
all the Christmas tree farms up were.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, like if you worked there eventually, then there's a
place to work, because yes, okay, yeah, all right, God
do what you gotta do, right, okay, trash dad parent story,
Hey Murder Mavens, you have been such a constant in
my life since twenty sixteen, and I'm so thankful for
the laughs and the reminders that I deserve to take
up space in this increasingly wild world. An additional hello
(15:48):
to Stephen, the crew, and the critters. If there are
any young kids listening, might want to pause or skip
this one, Yes, but it's actually for a different reason.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
It's about Santa Claus. Everyone, so pause it if your kid.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah, we're going to talk about his specific route loves him.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah. Something you have to know about my father in
law is that he is very dyslexic, and at the
time the story took place, was a bit of a
mostly functional alcoholic. So it's Christmas, even the late nineties,
and my mother in law has pristinely wrapped the family's
gifts and then passed them along to my father in
law to label and put under the tree. Shortly later,
tasks completed, everyone headed to bed the next day on Christmas,
(16:26):
warning my spouse, then about seven or eight, was excitedly
unwrapping gifts. They grabbed the next gift and my mother
in law asked, who's that one? From my spouse satan
mother in law what spouse showing mother in law the
tag it says Satan. My mother in law then started
looking at the tags on all of my spouse's gifts
(16:47):
from Santa and sees that her dyslexic husband, several beers deep,
had misspelled Santa on most of the gifts, making the
devil seem like a very generous guy.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
That's how he gets you.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That's right, And that, my friends, is how my spouse
found out the truth about Santa. Oh so you like
believe Santa didn't spell his name wrong, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's right, he would know how to spell it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That's right, Stay sexy and spell check the gift tags.
Lara rhymes with Sarah. She her ugh my god, yeah, Satan.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
A drunk dad being like, here you go, Satan, have
ben love Satan.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
We'll hope you guys are having a good holiday, and
thank you for writing your stories and write them into
my favorite murder at Gmail if you feel like it.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
And this year, why don't you do some stuff that
will then enable you to write in next year?
Speaker 4 (17:36):
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Throw a box of nails at your nieces and nephews
while they're on the ground looking for candy.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Let us know we want another story.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Please don't hurt anybody, but make something happen. Yeah, and
stay sex.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
And don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer
is Tessa Hughes.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
This episode was mixed by Leona Scuolacci.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Or watch us on YouTube. Search for My Favorite Murder
and then like and subscribe.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Hey, you buye
Hello and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode we read
you our Stories.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
This is a holiday episode. Do you want to hear
your holiday emails?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Go?
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I want you to go first, Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
The subject line of this is Christmas card photos at
John List's house. Hi, Karen and Georgia. A longtime listener,
first time writer. I've been listening since i was sixteen.
And then it says scary in parentheses. I've got a
hometown story for you that gives me chills. But my
dad could not care less. My dad and his four
brothers grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. In the early
nineteen seventies. They spent a lot of time visiting their
(00:50):
cousins in Westfield, who, it turns out, lived just three
houses down from the List family. Their three oldest cousins
were the same ages as the List children and walked
to school with them. I've known about the Westfield connection
for a while and always brought it up as a
creepy little family fun fact. I've even said how much
I wish my great aunt and uncle were still alive
(01:11):
so I could pick their brains.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
They were there when it all happened, but it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Wasn't until this past week while I was talking about
it again that my dad suddenly goes, oh, yeah, I
think we actually took a Christmas card photo in their
yard once, excuse me what. He then remembered that my
grandma had taken their Christmas card photo in the front
yard of the List house right before the murders. There
was this big tree branch that curved low to the ground,
and she had all five boys, ages eight to one,
(01:38):
sit on it.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
She just liked the tree. No one thought anything of it.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Meanwhile, I'm spiraling and tearing through family photo albums trying
to find it, and my Dad's just like, huh, weird
and goes back to watching the Yankees game. And because
apparently my entire life is an MFM plot line, I
was also conceived via IVF and years later we found
out that Melanie Maguire, the suitcase murderer, was a nurse
(02:03):
at the fertility clinic. She was one of the people
monitoring my embryo's development. She was also allegedly in love
with the doctor. My mom, upon hearing this, just shook
her head and said he was handsome, but not murdering
your husband handsome. So yeah, I was literally watched over
by a murderer during my earliest stages of development. That's
a little dramatic, watched over when you're an embryo and
(02:25):
somehow turned out kind of normal. I guess my love
of true crime started at day zero. Thanks for letting
weirdos like me feel seen, heard, and only mildly cursed.
SSDGM Forever Shannon.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
A couple of connections, at least two. Okay, my first
one's called Christmas Pinata of Terror. Hello MFM, beautiful ladies.
I am a pretty new listener, but just like anything
new that I enjoy, I am now obsessed. I even
fall asleep listening sometimes. And let me tell you I've
had some weird dreams. I thought i'd share just one
of my family stories that always gets talked about when
(03:00):
we reunite. Hope you enjoy as much as we do
this horrid memory. The year is nineteen ninety three in Oceanside, California,
at Myabulita's house on Christmas Eve. We are a big
Mexican family. My Abuela had seven children and in total
nineteen grandchildren. Well, at this point there were only about
eleven of us, most of us under the age of eight,
(03:21):
I was five.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Eleven kids under the age of eight.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, that's intense, that's too many, that's a grammar school basically.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like most Mexican families, we celebrate with a big party
on Christmas Eve that lasts all night, with lots of food, music,
and of course booze. Well, on this Christmas Eve, we
had a pinata to celebrate, but as it was winter
and reading outside, the adults decided to have the pinnata
in the garage. Like usual, every kid took turns trying
to break the pinata, and once they couldn't, the bigger
cousins took their turns. If you've ever been at the
(03:50):
moment when a pinata.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Breaks, all hell breaks loose.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
We were all screaming with excitement and jumping to tried
and grab all the candy scattered on the floor.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Well, this very excited moment.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
My uncle Danielle, who was the youngest of the seven
and twenty years old at this time and also quite intoxicated,
thought it would be hilarious idea to grab a random
box of stuff on a shelf in my abuela's garage
and toss it on top of all the children who
are head down, scattered on the floor grabbing candy nails.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
What he didn't know.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
At the time was that this particular box was filled
with nails.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I guessed it. Sorry, should I not do that?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I like it. Okay, nails, screws, hammers, wrenches and heavy
duty locks.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Oh shit, this is trash, uncle.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It's so much worse than nails. It's so much heavier
and more dangerous than nails.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
So it's so bad. It's so bad.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And drunk uncle, yes.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
You can imagine.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Cheers of joys turned into cries and screamed from all
us kids. My cousin, who was four, was holding his
head crying because a giant lock had landed straight on it.
We all ran to our parents with our bruises, and
my aunts and uncles were yelling at my drunk uncle,
who was confused and also feeling so terrible. Just like
most Mexican family horrible moments, they get turned into the
(05:04):
funniest moments to share now that we are all.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
In our thirties and forties.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Hope you laugh as much as I do every time
I remember my drunk uncle ruining Christmas. Remember to stay
sexy and don't throw a box of tools on children
during a pinata your fan, Kayla.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Kayla, it's almost like your uncle thought that in that
garage there were boxes of confetti or like boxes of
tutsi rolls.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
What could the like positive thing have been in a
fucking garage.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Nothing, It's just the idea of like it would be
funny if his other twenty year old friends were doing it, Yeah,
because then it's like a box of whatever, Right, But
a four year old that's like you hit me in
the head with a master lock, right.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Like what was the best outcome he was expecting? Like pushpins?
Even like what could have been okay.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
In a garage setting, earplus earplugs would have been even then.
This is an saying I'm not going to read you
the subject line. The good thing is that these are
holiday stories where it's like holidays are made for fuck
ups like that. It's the best. Here's another one. Hello there,
(06:11):
all you bright young things. Been listening to you, lovely
ladies since twenty eighteen. Love all you do for this
community of adorable creeps, as well as the many other
things you do for those in need. In parentheses, it
says I'm actually the Instagram commenter who told you the
story of my son and I when I was unhoused
and living in a truck remeunder that ooh yeah, yeah,
this is her. I'd love to share my shit adult
(06:33):
story with you. As this revolves around a theater performance,
let me set this scene for you. For several years
I headed up a field trip for homeschooled children. Yes,
I was trying to socialize them, but they mostly remained
stubbornly and gloriously weird. I finally handed the reins of
the group over to a more capable mom with seven kids,
as I was woefully unqualified with only a homeschool starter
(06:54):
pack of five children. Not a contest, Thankfully, today, after
twenty one years of homeschooling, these days of tearing my
hair out over fourth grade grammar lessons and begging my
kids to put on pants are behind me now.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Hope it was worth it.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
One December, I was able to secure our group tickets
to a local production of a Christmas Carol that was
putting on a special matinee for elementary students. Happily, Dickens
was an acceptable topic even for my most conservative group members.
So off we went, congesting the city's traffic flow with
dozens of eight passenger vans. It's really specific. We were
(07:32):
all thoroughly enjoying the play. The actors were excellent, the
live orchestra playing in the pit were performing brilliantly. We
arrived at one of the seminal moments in Ebenezer Scrooge's
moral arc, the graveyard scene. Scrooge encounters his own tombstone
under the bony finger of the ghost of Christmas Future,
played by an actor dressed in a grim Reaper style
hood and cape. Just as Scrooge began to beg the
(07:54):
Specter to tell him how to prevent such evil prognostications,
the Ghost of Christmas Future, hood shrouding their face, floated
ominously towards the front of the stage and immediately went
over the edge with the very loud what the fuck
in their headset mike. They crashed into the orchestra pit,
where all manner of instruments clattered and banged.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh my god, fell into the pit.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Oh my god, the specter had landed on the French
horn player. The house lights went up and the theater
staff appeared on stage. They asked that all the students
remained quietly in their seats while they peered down at
the carnage and the orchestra pit, an ambulance was called
the Ghost of Christmas Future had a concussion and the
French horn player had cracked two ribs.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Oh my god, I.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
So it's so awful.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Have you seen the video of Kelsey Grammar falling off
the stage? Yeah, he's like acting and then he just
liked the one false move. It's so violent, But I
doubt anything will ever be as horrifying to him as
looking up and seeing what appeared to be the grim
Reaper falling on him. To our kids credit, the theater
manager said we were the best behaved group of children
they'd ever had for many of them, though their silence
(09:04):
might have been the shock and trauma of hearing the.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
F word for the first time. Fun in a house might.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Oh, like, yes, resigning, what the fuck? Is so much
better than just a fuck?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
I think those kids learned far more than we intended
that day. Maybe there's no correlation, but I was deposed
as group leaders soon after Stay Sexy and Don't Yell
WTF to an audience of three hundred homeschoolers.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Betsy, that's good.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So good, and like he had his mask on, so
we like never got in trouble for it, probably like
no one is ever gonna.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Right he it's not really him, it's mononymous.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Of course, death is gonna say fucking front of your
kids for the first time.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
He's falling off the fucking stage.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
He's Death.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Who's dying?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
That's the scar the scary.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
One time I was an Oliver and the guy that
played the artful Dodger had this big long coat on
and during his like song I can't remember what the
song was, he turned to like dramatically turned to the
rest of the you know, orphans or whatever, and he
had a bag of Eminem's in his pocket that just
sprayed in an arc across the stage, where I was like, oh,
(10:06):
this is bad.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
See watching it.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
If that came out of a pinata, not fucking hilarious,
that would have fixed Christmas.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
That's right, not out of.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Coat. Okay, this is a trash kids story. Hi ya, Earthlings,
trash Kids Unite. It's December nineteen ninety six and I
was a wee four year old trying to make my
way in the world. Preschool was wild and we were
tasked with making a Christmas ornament for our parents, but
only one for the pair, But how will that work?
I have newly divorced parents and I can't possibly choose
(10:39):
between the two. My teacher understands my predicament and kindly
lets me make two ornaments.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Here comes the end.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Of the day and Tammy, the mother of all mothers,
comes to pick up her daughter me and the teacher
pulls her aside. Miss Tracy says, Tammy, I'm so sorry
to hear that you and Doug are getting a divorce.
We had no idea and he didn't say a thing
during drop off this morning. Tammy is stunned and says,
excuse me, and.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Thought to herself.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
When I left the house this morning, everything was fine.
He gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he
loved me.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Oh no, Miss Tracy.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Says, well, page let us know this morning that Doug
has packed up his stuff in boxes by the front
door and things are not working out, so he's leaving tonight.
She insisted that she make Christmas presents for both of you,
since he will be alone for Christmas this year, and
then alarm bell started going off. My brilliant four year
old ass decided to make up an elaborate ruse and
(11:31):
tell my teachers that my parents were getting a divorce,
and my father has packed his bags to move in
with my grandparents for the sole reason of getting to
all caps make two Christmas ornaments.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
She's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
She's about quantity that's not falling.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I can only make one. How about I make up
an elaborate lie.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
How about I just pulled together whatever it will take
to get me a second ornament?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But like believable enough to an adult that it worked
and a four year old.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah, having you those details of like his bags are packed.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, it's pretty smart, Like, yeah, how did they know
that was the thing?
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Mych to Tammy's delight.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Her husband was there when we got home and confirmed
they are not getting a divorce. They've been married for
thirty seven years and are my favorite people in the world,
I says DGM Page.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I mean, epic, just an epic. It's kind of a
good brag story about yourself. You're like, I was a
pretty smart, precocious four year old.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
This is my trash kid story. I was a liar.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
But imagine if that woman really was finding out that
she was getting divorced.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Through their hurt.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Oh my god, like preschool teacher, what a way to go.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
What are your terrible divorce stories? How'd you find out
you were getting a divorce?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I did lie in college and told my math teacher
that I had been skipping class because my parents were
getting a divorce. Wow, because I just wanted her to
leave me alone. But then as I walked away from
that conversation, I was like, Oh that was that was
a bad vibe to do.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
This feels bad.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It all felt so bad.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Yeah, here's my last one. This subject line is childhood
magic with a twist. Hi ladies, First off, thank you
for everything you do, especially for advocating mental health awareness
and for the life changing mantra fuck politeness. As a
woman raised to keep things buttoned up and lady like,
this advice has been a game changer. It's helped me
(13:14):
grow into a badass mom who teaches her daughter to
speak up, trust her gut, and take up space unapologetically.
Now onto my hometown ish holiday tail. I've been listening
since the beginning, and it's never occurred to me that
this story might fall squarely into your weight what category?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
H did you know that was a category?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
But I love it?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Wait?
Speaker 3 (13:33):
What Back in the eighties, when I was five or six.
Money was tight for our family, like it was for
a lot of people, but my parents always went all
out to make the holidays feel magical. One of our
most sacred traditions was piling into the family truck after
dark to go get the Christmas tree. We'd bundle up,
drive deep into the woods, and be told very seriously
to stay quiet. Then, without headlights, my parents would disappear
(13:57):
into the trees and return dragging the perfect pine.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Flash forward to college. I'm swapping holiday memories with my roommate.
She's telling sweet stories about baking shortbread cookies with her mom,
and I'm like, oh, well, we used to drive into
the woods at night without lights and whisper while my
parents cut down a tree. Her smile slowly morphed into confusion.
That's when it hit me, Oh my god, we were
stealing Christmas trees, didn't I didn't get it.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Until I read that lie, like no lights a Christmas tree?
I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
She laughed so hard she cried, and I, mortified, immediately
called my parents. They didn't even try to deny it.
In fact, they chuckled and said, well, yeah, but it
was all fine. They reassured me because years later my
dad worked weekends at a tree farm, so in their
minds it was basically even I still laugh how sincerely
naive I was. My parents are strong, resourceful people who
(14:49):
would do anything to make sure that we had joyful memories,
even if those memories came with a bit of a
misdemeanor SSDGM and don't get caught stealing spruces s and
it says ps keeping my full name off this one
because who knows that the statute limitations covers holiday tree
heights from the eighties.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I wonder I'm wondering if it was like from the
forest or from like a Christmas tree farm.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Yet sounds to me like like once I read all
the way through, I was like, I bet they pulled
up on like a little road next to the Christmas
tree farm and then like cut through the fence totally,
because I think they do extend past. I mean, that's
all the Christmas tree farms up were.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, like if you worked there eventually, then there's a
place to work, because yes, okay, yeah, all right, God
do what you gotta do, right, okay, trash dad parent story,
Hey Murder Mavens, you have been such a constant in
my life since twenty sixteen, and I'm so thankful for
the laughs and the reminders that I deserve to take
up space in this increasingly wild world. An additional hello
(15:48):
to Stephen, the crew, and the critters. If there are
any young kids listening, might want to pause or skip
this one, Yes, but it's actually for a different reason.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
It's about Santa Claus. Everyone, so pause it if your kid.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah, we're going to talk about his specific route loves him.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah. Something you have to know about my father in
law is that he is very dyslexic, and at the
time the story took place, was a bit of a
mostly functional alcoholic. So it's Christmas, even the late nineties,
and my mother in law has pristinely wrapped the family's
gifts and then passed them along to my father in
law to label and put under the tree. Shortly later,
tasks completed, everyone headed to bed the next day on Christmas,
(16:26):
warning my spouse, then about seven or eight, was excitedly
unwrapping gifts. They grabbed the next gift and my mother
in law asked, who's that one? From my spouse satan
mother in law what spouse showing mother in law the
tag it says Satan. My mother in law then started
looking at the tags on all of my spouse's gifts
(16:47):
from Santa and sees that her dyslexic husband, several beers deep,
had misspelled Santa on most of the gifts, making the
devil seem like a very generous guy.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
That's how he gets you.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That's right, And that, my friends, is how my spouse
found out the truth about Santa. Oh so you like
believe Santa didn't spell his name wrong, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's right, he would know how to spell it.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That's right, Stay sexy and spell check the gift tags.
Lara rhymes with Sarah. She her ugh my god, yeah, Satan.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
A drunk dad being like, here you go, Satan, have
ben love Satan.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
We'll hope you guys are having a good holiday, and
thank you for writing your stories and write them into
my favorite murder at Gmail if you feel like it.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
And this year, why don't you do some stuff that
will then enable you to write in next year?
Speaker 4 (17:36):
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Throw a box of nails at your nieces and nephews
while they're on the ground looking for candy.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Let us know we want another story.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Please don't hurt anybody, but make something happen. Yeah, and
stay sex.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
And don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer
is Tessa Hughes.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
This episode was mixed by Leona Scuolacci.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Or watch us on YouTube. Search for My Favorite Murder
and then like and subscribe.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Hey, you buye
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!