May 11, 2023 • 5 mins
Mother's Day Chat Divides Team
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, yes, Mother's Day Sunday.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Yeah, Mother's Day's on Sunday. In the last couple of weeks,
this conversation has come up a lot in various different
aspects of my life, where I've been talking to mums
who are my friends who have a fair bit of
anxiety going into Mother's Day and often because they feel
like they want it to be a day that is special,
but they don't want to ask for it to be special,
(00:22):
and sometimes consistently for years they feel let down that
that moment has not been highlighted for them.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And there is a thing I would say about a
lot of women and me included, that we want people
to notice what we're doing, we don't actually want to
articulate it. It is one of the greatest difference between men
and women. Yes, I know so many men that will
tell you how good they.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Are often come and have a look at the shelf.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I put it up exactly right, it's good, still there.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
But in this.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Moment, I think women really need to take control of
the situation. And this is the conversation that I've been
having with my girlfriends, and that is this comes from
nearly ten years as a solo parent and I learned
really early on that when Tiny, my husband who's my
boy's father, died, I had a nine, a twelve, and
a fourteen year old, and these poor kids just didn't
(01:14):
know what to do. They didn't know what to do
with Mother's Day. They'd seen it, you know, all their
friends were talking about it. There was a Mother's Day stall.
And I realized that the only way that I could
help them get through this is to be really clear
about my expectation. So for the last couple of weeks,
I've been sending screenshots to my children of the things
that I've wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I love it, yeah right.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I've also been telling them that they need to book
somewhere now. This is they're now older and they can
do that. But I also did that when they were ten, eleven, twelve,
saying Mother's Day's coming, this is the kind of thing
I'd want. And I'd started off by like, just make
me breakfast in bed. So they felt like they were
doing the absolute right thing. But they didn't have to
spend lots of money. It didn't matter. Now here's where
(01:58):
it gets a little tricky for separated parents, because, unlike me, Kip,
you have an ex wife yes, And my thing for
Raffi would be is that you need to take responsibility
for Raffi to provide his mom with a nice Mother's Day.
And I can already see by your face that is
(02:20):
not something you'd want to do.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Well, no, it's not. It's not something I want to do,
And I don't know if it is my responsibility. I
know what you're saying, and I understand the idea of it.
But you know, when we broke up as a couple,
it was very clear to me that we were no
longer family. It was very clear to me that her
family who you know, I never got a text or
anything from her dad or her brother, and I never
(02:43):
got to hew you hang in in there nothing. So
their family became a strong, solid unit. And as far
as I think it's their responsibility, to be honest, it's
her family's responsibility to.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Make sure that Raffi provides something for his mum.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, I mean they get time with Raffie and obviously
daycare will do something. And at the moment, I'm actually
scrambling to make sure Rafi does because as part of
our arrangement, as far as caring for raf I normally
have him this weekend, but because of Mother's Day, I
don't get him at all. That day he'll be with her,
(03:18):
and that means that my mom won't see him, and
that Naomi, who is you know so many ways a
mum And.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
There are so many definitions of mother's let's be clear, grandparents,
you know, important people. Zelmo, who used to live with us,
is like a grandmother to my kids and a mum
to me, So I understand that concept.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
So my struggle is to make sure that they get something,
that my mum gets some type of message from him,
and that Naomi gets some type of message from him,
because he's going to spend all day with his birth
mum and not the other ladies.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Who know, how do you negotiate that? Have you spoken
to Amber, because that is actually the other side of
it and a fair call.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, yeah, yes, I did try to to say, hey,
can we have him for a bit and the answer
was no.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So and see, this is the fractious part of it, right,
because you're ex for a reason. Yeah, And I guess
where I'm sitting from is purely from the side of
the child. That if if and Rafi's a little bit young,
but as kids get older, they don't know how to
navigate that, no, and they want to do something really
great for their mum or their dad, depending on Mother's
Day or Father's Day. So do you know what he
(04:22):
thinks about it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I think yeah, like you said, he's not for yet.
I don't think he's aware of you know, of what
it even means or anything, like I don't remember what
we did for Father's Day. I don't you know. He's Yeah,
he's not really at that stage yet of worrying about it.
So that's the thing, Like he's just going to want
to have fun on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
He doesn't mind which house it's in. So what are
you going to do with your mum then?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
And well, all the other cousins and stuff are going
to beat my house, which is why I wanted him
there because the other kids are going to be around.
But so, yeah, everyone's coming down. We'll have lunch. I
think I'll make a lasagna.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, because you're a really good cook. Yes, And that
is for the people that are separated, which is, let's
face at fifty percent of the population. But I would
also do it to shout out to all the mums
who maybe have their partners who aren't great with gift
giving and that sort of stuff. Mate, it's up to you.
Tell your family what you want. Amen, you have permission
(05:12):
to do that. No one will think any less of you,
and then you'll have a great day. The only thing
that is problematic with that, and I may come to
you on Monday with this. Yeah, if they don't do it,
if you make it obvious, there will be a homicide.
Oh, yes, Mother's Day Sunday.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Yeah, Mother's Day's on Sunday. In the last couple of weeks,
this conversation has come up a lot in various different
aspects of my life, where I've been talking to mums
who are my friends who have a fair bit of
anxiety going into Mother's Day and often because they feel
like they want it to be a day that is special,
but they don't want to ask for it to be special,
(00:22):
and sometimes consistently for years they feel let down that
that moment has not been highlighted for them.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And there is a thing I would say about a
lot of women and me included, that we want people
to notice what we're doing, we don't actually want to
articulate it. It is one of the greatest difference between men
and women. Yes, I know so many men that will
tell you how good they.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Are often come and have a look at the shelf.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I put it up exactly right, it's good, still there.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
But in this.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Moment, I think women really need to take control of
the situation. And this is the conversation that I've been
having with my girlfriends, and that is this comes from
nearly ten years as a solo parent and I learned
really early on that when Tiny, my husband who's my
boy's father, died, I had a nine, a twelve, and
a fourteen year old, and these poor kids just didn't
(01:14):
know what to do. They didn't know what to do
with Mother's Day. They'd seen it, you know, all their
friends were talking about it. There was a Mother's Day stall.
And I realized that the only way that I could
help them get through this is to be really clear
about my expectation. So for the last couple of weeks,
I've been sending screenshots to my children of the things
that I've wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I love it, yeah right.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I've also been telling them that they need to book
somewhere now. This is they're now older and they can
do that. But I also did that when they were ten, eleven, twelve,
saying Mother's Day's coming, this is the kind of thing
I'd want. And I'd started off by like, just make
me breakfast in bed. So they felt like they were
doing the absolute right thing. But they didn't have to
spend lots of money. It didn't matter. Now here's where
(01:58):
it gets a little tricky for separated parents, because, unlike me, Kip,
you have an ex wife yes, And my thing for
Raffi would be is that you need to take responsibility
for Raffi to provide his mom with a nice Mother's Day.
And I can already see by your face that is
(02:20):
not something you'd want to do.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Well, no, it's not. It's not something I want to do,
And I don't know if it is my responsibility. I
know what you're saying, and I understand the idea of it.
But you know, when we broke up as a couple,
it was very clear to me that we were no
longer family. It was very clear to me that her
family who you know, I never got a text or
anything from her dad or her brother, and I never
(02:43):
got to hew you hang in in there nothing. So
their family became a strong, solid unit. And as far
as I think it's their responsibility, to be honest, it's
her family's responsibility to.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Make sure that Raffi provides something for his mum.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, I mean they get time with Raffie and obviously
daycare will do something. And at the moment, I'm actually
scrambling to make sure Rafi does because as part of
our arrangement, as far as caring for raf I normally
have him this weekend, but because of Mother's Day, I
don't get him at all. That day he'll be with her,
(03:18):
and that means that my mom won't see him, and
that Naomi, who is you know so many ways a
mum And.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
There are so many definitions of mother's let's be clear, grandparents,
you know, important people. Zelmo, who used to live with us,
is like a grandmother to my kids and a mum
to me, So I understand that concept.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
So my struggle is to make sure that they get something,
that my mum gets some type of message from him,
and that Naomi gets some type of message from him,
because he's going to spend all day with his birth
mum and not the other ladies.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Who know, how do you negotiate that? Have you spoken
to Amber, because that is actually the other side of
it and a fair call.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, yeah, yes, I did try to to say, hey,
can we have him for a bit and the answer
was no.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So and see, this is the fractious part of it, right,
because you're ex for a reason. Yeah, And I guess
where I'm sitting from is purely from the side of
the child. That if if and Rafi's a little bit young,
but as kids get older, they don't know how to
navigate that, no, and they want to do something really
great for their mum or their dad, depending on Mother's
Day or Father's Day. So do you know what he
(04:22):
thinks about it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I think yeah, like you said, he's not for yet.
I don't think he's aware of you know, of what
it even means or anything, like I don't remember what
we did for Father's Day. I don't you know. He's Yeah,
he's not really at that stage yet of worrying about it.
So that's the thing, Like he's just going to want
to have fun on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
He doesn't mind which house it's in. So what are
you going to do with your mum then?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
And well, all the other cousins and stuff are going
to beat my house, which is why I wanted him
there because the other kids are going to be around.
But so, yeah, everyone's coming down. We'll have lunch. I
think I'll make a lasagna.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, because you're a really good cook. Yes, And that
is for the people that are separated, which is, let's
face at fifty percent of the population. But I would
also do it to shout out to all the mums
who maybe have their partners who aren't great with gift
giving and that sort of stuff. Mate, it's up to you.
Tell your family what you want. Amen, you have permission
(05:12):
to do that. No one will think any less of you,
and then you'll have a great day. The only thing
that is problematic with that, and I may come to
you on Monday with this. Yeah, if they don't do it,
if you make it obvious, there will be a homicide.
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