The Breakup Curse - 1018

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John breaks down his week, and the reasons couples don't last over a year

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday. Friend. Welcome to the Thought Shower intern.
John is my name. Hopefully having a good day. If
you're not, may get better a good week. At that,
we only have my goodness. I think we're ninety eight
days away till Christmas, and I know it seems like
I'm pretending, like, oh I just pulled out of my butt,
and I'm being so casual about it. However, I saw

(00:22):
something yesterday it was like, hey, we're ninety nine days away,
so I would assume that today is ninety eight days.
So they're exciting. I've been a good boy, been been
a real good boy. Actually, I'm excited because I just
kind of finished travel planning for Christmas, gonna go a
little somewhere myself, very excited for that, having done like

(00:46):
a solo vak like that. In a minute, I guess
that's I mean, I went to Toronto this year, but
like a proper solo vacation of like beach and water.
Probably haven't done that since the first time I went
to Puntakana, where I booked that drunkenly and say an
old person home. If you don't know what I'm talking about,
that's a whole nother podcast, but just kind of finished

(01:08):
that up. Dude, It traveling sucks, man. I really understand
why the idea of having a private jet, if you
could afford it would be well ideal. You can kind
of choose where you want to go, have the crew. Again,
if money wasn't an issue, for sure, that would be
my splurge. Don't have to worry about TSA can pull

(01:30):
up to the airport and go. That's kind of like
the joy because I'm going to going somewhere. I got
fly back here, then fly in Nashville, see my parents,
and then fly back here again. So it's gonna be
a lot of flying and sorry, but it's gonna be good.
It's crazy that it's coming up. Man. I also got
a wedding this weekend Sea Isle, New Jersey. I never

(01:52):
really spent time in New Jersey. I went to eminem
and Rihanna at MetLife Stadium, which is a new which
is I was not the biggest fan Nework. I'll say that,
but I feel like that's not really Jersey. Also, I'm driving,
so it's like a three hour drive. I feel like
flying would have been cooler, but I was doing some

(02:15):
like typing in and like, even if I flew, it's
still like an eighty mile drive. So that's one of
those times where it's like, well, the private jet would
be cool. Actually, yeah, if anybody has one they want
to lend me. Dude, I can't pay for gas, but
I'll repay a refill of water bottles something like that,
you know what I mean? Anyway, what's new? What we're doing,

(02:38):
what we're talking about? Uh? Life? For one Hoodie's birthday yesterday,
Fantastic Time. Fantastic Time went to Caddies and Cardel had
their like chicken skewers, chicken skewers and peanuts sauce. Man.
Sometimes the best dishes are the most simplest. That's not
proper English, right, most simplest, I don't think. So I

(03:01):
ain't sleep much last night one of those nights or
release I had the thought in my head that I didn't
sleep well. So here we are. The worst part is
is I've been putting off going to the gym. I
took off a couple of days, so it's like now
today I have to go, which is not great. Not
the vibe. There's nothing worse than going to the gym
when you know you have to go where it's like
you put off so many times, here you go. So

(03:23):
that's that for me is today, let me get to
this real quick too for your Wednesday. According to a therapist,
these are the brutal reasons why most couples break up
at the one to two year mark. Dunt dunt dumb
off the top by I guess, I would say one
of the reasons probably is at the one to two
year mark, you're thinking next big steps, right, whether it

(03:46):
be engagement, whether it be moving in with each other. Uh.
And I think if you realize the person you're with
is not somebody you see yourself doing that with, you
go away. Now. On the flip side, I've known people,
and I've been guilty before in older relationships who stayed
in something longer than they should have simply because hey,

(04:07):
it's been two years, you know what I mean, I
don't want to reinvest and have to start over, which
I'm gonna be honest. Is it terrifying? Oh yeah? Still
for me, still terrifying, you know what I mean. It's like, oh,
I have friends having kids and getting married. Am I
behind schedule? It's a not fun thought to have. But

(04:30):
then I was like you. I know what, though, if
I want to go out of town today, I can
do that. It's pretty exciting the first reason, and not
too surprising. The honeymoon phase ends. When two people first
to get together, it's easy gets swept up in those
crazy feel good emotions. You think your love as new,
as perfect, you can't see anything wrong with them. But

(04:51):
as things sail down you know them better. You realize
they're human flaws and all. Yeah. I think that kind
of comes early because then it's like, oh, this is like,
this is it, this is that's what we're doing now,
this is who you are, which leads to the next
one compatibility issues. Compatibility, I can speak, can no longer

(05:14):
be ignored, so kind ties in with once the honeymoon
phase wears off and you just realize, like, hey, we
don't get along, we don't have the same views on things.
This is going to be an issue. And not even
just like views like political, I mean like do you
put the dishes away right away? You know that type

(05:34):
of like thing of yeah, those things become a little
bit more glaring as time goes on. If you lack
conflict resolution skills, this is huge. I'm lucky to say
Max's girlfriend and I were pretty good at this, like
realizing that the problem wasn't us, it was the issue,
if that makes sense, so you know, not argue with

(05:57):
each other arguing to fight the issue. I think that, Yeah,
if you can't resolve conflict and you with somebody, eventually
that's gonna boil over. And then it's like, at that
point is the other person are they able to uh
to to move on from whatever the conflict was? Like

(06:17):
once you push somebody's buttons for so long that button
gets broken, are they willing to move on? Or it's
like yeah, I mean, thank you for apologizing, but it's
too late. Seen that happen before. Not fun to watch,
not fun to watch. If the novelty wears off, Yeah,
they say that incredible thing butterflies staying up all night

(06:39):
talking all kinds of crazy. They say, it's awesome. Can't
last forever if there's a if there isn't something more
like shared interest, get communication and real connection. I think
that's true. Once the looks fade or even like not
even the looks fade, but like once you're used to it, yeah,
you're still like there's gonna be days where you cannot
hook up like real and you just have to like

(07:01):
ole out, talk, hang out, do the not fun stuff,
which like that's part of it. Two. Yeah, absolutely, they're
saying major money issues. They say money problems are a
serious relationship killer. When you and your partner can gree
in how to spend, save, or generally deal with money,
it leads to constant fights. This kind of makes sense,

(07:23):
I would imagine too, especially in this area if you
are roommates or even if you're traveling together like that
type of thing. Yeah, I can't. I think that'd be
a lot to deal with because that's also kind of
giving you a little bit of like a hint of
like things to come, you know, especially if you if
you end up getting the gauge or staying with that person.
That makes one hundred sense if you're at different life stages. Yeah,

(07:48):
I think this is probably a big one. Say people
change as they grow older. What you want in your
twenties might be completely different from what you want in
your thirties. If you and your partner aren't on the
same page about things like kids, career, where to live,
it can start causing fights. That is one of those
things where you gotta probably find out sooner rather than later,
and it can't be an awkward conversation to have. Certainly,

(08:11):
I could not imagine. I'm pretty sure I want kids
one day. Pretty sure. It'd be really tough if I
never had the conversation with somebody and then we got
in a relationship and like I found out three years
in yeah, and I even be married yet that they
don't want kids. That'd be tough, right, because it's like

(08:32):
that's not something that you really force down somebody, you know,
that's not really the vibe. So like that to me, Yeah,
if you realize that, probably sooner around them later it's
time to go. If your communication styles are two different,
that makes sense as well. Be able to talk to

(08:53):
your partner actually feel hurt is a huge deal, you know.
It is a huge difference, isn't it. Between feeling like
somebody is listening and feeling like you're heard. It's a
completely different thing. And there's nothing more frustrating to me,
I think, than when I can tell somebody is just
listening but they're not like I'm not being heard, do

(09:16):
you know what I mean? Where it's like, yeah, it's
it's not like talking to the wall, you know, because
somebody is there, like some there's another person there, but
it's not productive, nothing's happening. I think when you talk
to somebody and you feel hurd like you can feel
it in your soul, you know what I mean, you
can feel it deep deep down. Listen. I'm not trying

(09:36):
to poop poo on relationships. However, I do think most
of these makes sense. I think that, you know, the
thing about relationship is it's an everyday thing, man, every
single day. It's a living breathing thing. It's kind of
like what I say with the show too. It's like
the show is a living breathing thing. If I neglect
doing show work, eventually the health of the show suffers.

(10:00):
And like, the more neglect it, the harder it is
to get back in the swing. So there you go.
Hope you have a great Wednesday. Make sure you follow
along at Interngoon Radio. I'll see you Friday.