January 29, 2025 • 8 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about how to know if a guy is emotionally unavailable!
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday. Franda, Welcome to the thast Shower
intern John is my name. It has been a week,
as it always has. I want to shout out real quick,
and I talked about this on the actual radio show.
But listener, Denise folks have been sending me really thoughtful
stuff for Chewy and kind of remembrance of him, and
(00:21):
it's been very moving. Denise sent me this really cool
bracelet that it's like a woven bracelet and then in
the middle there's a bead and you hold up you're
a flashlight and your phone to the bead, it projects
an image on the wall. Or if you hold up
the camera of your phone to the bead, you can
see the image inside. And the image inside is one
of my favorite photos of Chewy. It's him running through
(00:44):
the grass and it looks like he's smiling now. At
the time, it's funny because he was not having a
good time. He was being a little salty bear and
shaking himself out. But the photo itself is amazing. It's
such a cool gift too that it meant a lots,
So thank you, Denise again, thanks to everybody who's been
reaching out, and you know it's it's not a fun road.
(01:06):
It is not a fun road, but we are trying
to get to big day today for me as well.
Hockey been coaching at Georgetown PREPP a couple of years.
Boys got a big game today playing against their arrival.
And it's one of those things where, yeah, I have
a not a newfound respect for teacher because I've always
expected teachers my parents were professors, But I understand the
stress of teaching more now as a coach, because it's
(01:30):
one of those things where it's like you do as
much as you can to prepare the kids, whether it
be for a test or whatever it is, but there's
only so much you can do right and like it's
like once they start the test, it's kind of up
to them. And so the hope today is the boys
play safe, they have fun, play their best. We'll see
what happens. I've also been rewatching Severance. If you've not
(01:53):
watched Severance, oh my, it's uh, it's good. It's on
Apple TV. I believe Apple TV. You can get a
free week if you sign up for it, like a
free week trial. I would suggest it maybe wait till
the season's over so you can binge both seasons. It
is one of the best stories shows whatever to where
(02:13):
I started to rewatch the first season and it's crazy
how much stuff I missed. I think the problem is
I binge the first season, which binging's never good, and
for me, I rarely go back and rewatch shows. I'll
watch The Office again or like Parks and rec But
to rewatch a show you have to pay attention to
That's something I'm not really the best at. Like, I'll
never mention this too. I'll never watch Game of Thrones again,
(02:36):
like that was a one and done for me. That's
a big investment. I binge Game of Thrones. I want
to say, like one summer and I watched a bunch
of it at once. I don't remember all the little things,
but like, never do it again. It's far too much.
If you get a chance to watch severance highly higher commend.
Want to get to this for your Wednesday too. How
(02:56):
to know if a man's emotionally unavailable. I've been hearing
from a lot of my female friends about how hard
dating is. I can say on the other side, for
the fellas also hard. But here's how you can tell
a dude emotionally unavailable if he disappears when you express vulnerability. Yeah,
when the conversation starts to go deeper in the surface,
(03:17):
our emotions are involved, he's suddenly nowhere to be found.
I would say, what this means is he's not wanting
to be serious. You know, most more than likely he
probably doesn't want to do the serious stuff. He just
wants to kind of more have fun, hang out, be
a vibe. They get into the serious life conversations. I
(03:38):
think that's what that means. If I was a button, ma'am.
If he says he doesn't like labels, all so wrong.
Dudes want labels. If he's into you, he probably wants
the label more than you do, so that other guys know, Hey,
back off. She has a boyfriend. They say the I
don't like labels. They might sound progressive or lack but
(04:00):
it's often a red flag for somebody who's not ready
for a real commitment. One hundred percent. Yeah again. Do
I like the old adage why buy the cow and
the milk's free? Not necessarily. I think that you know,
may have the best way of wording it, But why
would he want to be in a relationship if he's
getting the benefits of a relationship without being in one,
without having the standards. I agree with that. If he's
(04:23):
always canceling plans last minute, they say, yeah, emergencies happened.
But when he's bailing on plans more often than he
follows through, it's a sign as something deeper. I always
go to, he's probably got something else going on, like
you were the placeholder and he was hoping to find
something else better, and maybe he did last minute, and
(04:44):
that is why he is now bailing out again. Is
it fun to hear? No? Do I think that's probably
what's going on. Yeah, I would say so if his
words and his actions are very different. Yes, he's quick
to promise the world but rarely follows through. He said
maybe he'll prioritize spending time with you, but cancels last minute,
or claims he cares deeply but doesn't show it in
(05:06):
his actions. They say, emotional unavailability often shows up as
a disconnect between words and actions. I think that's true.
But I also think it's like he is trying to
buy time and get you off his back. So he's
saying the things that he thinks you want to hear
because he wants to kind of by himself. Time, so
he doesn't have to follow through. I also think that's
(05:27):
kind of gaslighting as well. I think that falls in
that category. If he's never been a long term relationship. Yeah, dude,
at this point, that's a tough one to swallow. If
I was on a first date with somebody and they
never had something long term unless they moved often, maybe
like you know, family was military, something like that, I
(05:50):
would have questions. How not even like on accident. They say, well,
everyone's relationship history is different. A man who's never been
a long term relationship often avoids commitment for a reason.
I think that's fair. They say, his history suggests he's
either not ready or unwilling to put emotional effort required
for a long lasting relationship. Yeah. I'd also agree probably
(06:13):
hasn't grown from those mistakes, hasn't grown from those relationships,
which also is a huge sign something's off. If he
looks vacant when you're sharing your emotions, they say, when
you open up, but something important. If his reaction is nothing,
he stares blankly, offers a one word reply, or changes
the subject altogether, they say he's not able to process
(06:35):
or handle emotions. I'll also say then he probably doesn't
see you as being in a relationship, you know what
I mean. I think again, the guys will toy with
that line right of like, this is not a relationship.
I'm not gonna do the boyfriend things YadA, YadA, YadA,
which ties into this next one. He never celebrates any milestones.
(06:59):
That's weird. Birthdays, anniversaries. He treats them by just another day.
While not everyone's big on celebrations, completely ignoring in significant
moments shows a lack of care attention. I had a
friend who her boyfriend claimed he forgot Valentine's Day two
years in a row. This was somewhat recently. Valentine's Day
(07:21):
is nearly impossible to forget. Nearly impossible. If you have
a phone, you have a TV, you have a computer
of some sort, if you go to a grocery store, Target, CVS,
it is almost impossible to forget Valentine's Day. I would
also say, people in your life probably gonna ask, like,
what do you get in Julie for Valentine's Day? That
(07:43):
to me, so this happened two years around, I was like, girl,
you need to dump him. He does not care. I get.
I think that if you're with somebody who truly appreciates you.
They want you to feel special. If I make it
known how special you are, they'll go over the top
for those big days and the small ones too. I
hope you have a great Wednesday. Appreciate you hanging. I'd
be a chance to follow me at intern Genre Radio
spot Shower
And a happy Wednesday. Franda, Welcome to the thast Shower
intern John is my name. It has been a week,
as it always has. I want to shout out real quick,
and I talked about this on the actual radio show.
But listener, Denise folks have been sending me really thoughtful
stuff for Chewy and kind of remembrance of him, and
(00:21):
it's been very moving. Denise sent me this really cool
bracelet that it's like a woven bracelet and then in
the middle there's a bead and you hold up you're
a flashlight and your phone to the bead, it projects
an image on the wall. Or if you hold up
the camera of your phone to the bead, you can
see the image inside. And the image inside is one
of my favorite photos of Chewy. It's him running through
(00:44):
the grass and it looks like he's smiling now. At
the time, it's funny because he was not having a
good time. He was being a little salty bear and
shaking himself out. But the photo itself is amazing. It's
such a cool gift too that it meant a lots,
So thank you, Denise again, thanks to everybody who's been
reaching out, and you know it's it's not a fun road.
(01:06):
It is not a fun road, but we are trying
to get to big day today for me as well.
Hockey been coaching at Georgetown PREPP a couple of years.
Boys got a big game today playing against their arrival.
And it's one of those things where, yeah, I have
a not a newfound respect for teacher because I've always
expected teachers my parents were professors, But I understand the
stress of teaching more now as a coach, because it's
(01:30):
one of those things where it's like you do as
much as you can to prepare the kids, whether it
be for a test or whatever it is, but there's
only so much you can do right and like it's
like once they start the test, it's kind of up
to them. And so the hope today is the boys
play safe, they have fun, play their best. We'll see
what happens. I've also been rewatching Severance. If you've not
(01:53):
watched Severance, oh my, it's uh, it's good. It's on
Apple TV. I believe Apple TV. You can get a
free week if you sign up for it, like a
free week trial. I would suggest it maybe wait till
the season's over so you can binge both seasons. It
is one of the best stories shows whatever to where
(02:13):
I started to rewatch the first season and it's crazy
how much stuff I missed. I think the problem is
I binge the first season, which binging's never good, and
for me, I rarely go back and rewatch shows. I'll
watch The Office again or like Parks and rec But
to rewatch a show you have to pay attention to
That's something I'm not really the best at. Like, I'll
never mention this too. I'll never watch Game of Thrones again,
(02:36):
like that was a one and done for me. That's
a big investment. I binge Game of Thrones. I want
to say, like one summer and I watched a bunch
of it at once. I don't remember all the little things,
but like, never do it again. It's far too much.
If you get a chance to watch severance highly higher commend.
Want to get to this for your Wednesday too. How
(02:56):
to know if a man's emotionally unavailable. I've been hearing
from a lot of my female friends about how hard
dating is. I can say on the other side, for
the fellas also hard. But here's how you can tell
a dude emotionally unavailable if he disappears when you express vulnerability. Yeah,
when the conversation starts to go deeper in the surface,
(03:17):
our emotions are involved, he's suddenly nowhere to be found.
I would say, what this means is he's not wanting
to be serious. You know, most more than likely he
probably doesn't want to do the serious stuff. He just
wants to kind of more have fun, hang out, be
a vibe. They get into the serious life conversations. I
(03:38):
think that's what that means. If I was a button, ma'am.
If he says he doesn't like labels, all so wrong.
Dudes want labels. If he's into you, he probably wants
the label more than you do, so that other guys know, Hey,
back off. She has a boyfriend. They say the I
don't like labels. They might sound progressive or lack but
(04:00):
it's often a red flag for somebody who's not ready
for a real commitment. One hundred percent. Yeah again. Do
I like the old adage why buy the cow and
the milk's free? Not necessarily. I think that you know,
may have the best way of wording it, But why
would he want to be in a relationship if he's
getting the benefits of a relationship without being in one,
without having the standards. I agree with that. If he's
(04:23):
always canceling plans last minute, they say, yeah, emergencies happened.
But when he's bailing on plans more often than he
follows through, it's a sign as something deeper. I always
go to, he's probably got something else going on, like
you were the placeholder and he was hoping to find
something else better, and maybe he did last minute, and
(04:44):
that is why he is now bailing out again. Is
it fun to hear? No? Do I think that's probably
what's going on. Yeah, I would say so if his
words and his actions are very different. Yes, he's quick
to promise the world but rarely follows through. He said
maybe he'll prioritize spending time with you, but cancels last minute,
or claims he cares deeply but doesn't show it in
(05:06):
his actions. They say, emotional unavailability often shows up as
a disconnect between words and actions. I think that's true.
But I also think it's like he is trying to
buy time and get you off his back. So he's
saying the things that he thinks you want to hear
because he wants to kind of by himself. Time, so
he doesn't have to follow through. I also think that's
(05:27):
kind of gaslighting as well. I think that falls in
that category. If he's never been a long term relationship. Yeah, dude,
at this point, that's a tough one to swallow. If
I was on a first date with somebody and they
never had something long term unless they moved often, maybe
like you know, family was military, something like that, I
(05:50):
would have questions. How not even like on accident. They say, well,
everyone's relationship history is different. A man who's never been
a long term relationship often avoids commitment for a reason.
I think that's fair. They say, his history suggests he's
either not ready or unwilling to put emotional effort required
for a long lasting relationship. Yeah. I'd also agree probably
(06:13):
hasn't grown from those mistakes, hasn't grown from those relationships,
which also is a huge sign something's off. If he
looks vacant when you're sharing your emotions, they say, when
you open up, but something important. If his reaction is nothing,
he stares blankly, offers a one word reply, or changes
the subject altogether, they say he's not able to process
(06:35):
or handle emotions. I'll also say then he probably doesn't
see you as being in a relationship, you know what
I mean. I think again, the guys will toy with
that line right of like, this is not a relationship.
I'm not gonna do the boyfriend things YadA, YadA, YadA,
which ties into this next one. He never celebrates any milestones.
(06:59):
That's weird. Birthdays, anniversaries. He treats them by just another day.
While not everyone's big on celebrations, completely ignoring in significant
moments shows a lack of care attention. I had a
friend who her boyfriend claimed he forgot Valentine's Day two
years in a row. This was somewhat recently. Valentine's Day
(07:21):
is nearly impossible to forget. Nearly impossible. If you have
a phone, you have a TV, you have a computer
of some sort, if you go to a grocery store, Target, CVS,
it is almost impossible to forget Valentine's Day. I would
also say, people in your life probably gonna ask, like,
what do you get in Julie for Valentine's Day? That
(07:43):
to me, so this happened two years around, I was like, girl,
you need to dump him. He does not care. I get.
I think that if you're with somebody who truly appreciates you.
They want you to feel special. If I make it
known how special you are, they'll go over the top
for those big days and the small ones too. I
hope you have a great Wednesday. Appreciate you hanging. I'd
be a chance to follow me at intern Genre Radio
spot Shower
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