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February 5, 2025 9 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about why friendship breakups are worse than relationship breakups!

Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday. Friends.

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the thought Shower intern John is my name.
We're doing it. We're doing it halfway through the week.
Hopefully yours is gone, well mine's been. It's a busy
week this week, so hockey is getting kind towards the end.
Conference playoffs start next week. League playoffs start the week after. However,
this week we have a bunch of away games. So

(00:22):
yesterday had a game in Springfield games start of the three.
If you have anything about Springfield, it's in Virginia and
it's far away from the Rockville area and so that
took like an hour and a half to get home.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Not great.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
However, Friday game is in Haymarket, so that's gonna be
at eight pm, so we probably won't get back until
I don't know of games eight pm. Probably done ten, close
to like eleven o'clock, so not looking forward to that. However,
playoff hockey is always fun, especially if the boys get hot.

(00:55):
If they catch a streak makes it even more fun.
So very exciting for that. Also planning some trips too.
Been trying to like again, like my it's been a
wild five weeks. However, many weeks we are into twenty
twenty five. So I'm trying to get my feedback on
the ground and like plan some trips and try and

(01:17):
get some like things to look forward to. I do
think overall that's good for the mental is to have
things to look forward to. I think everybody needs that,
and like, obviously hasn't been the best year so far,
so I'm trying to get some things on the calendar.
My brother, my father, and I are going to New
Orleans in April. Very exciting for a cigar convention, which

(01:38):
would be a lot of fun. Basically it's kind of
going like half cigars and hang out. We haven't really
done like a guys trip ever, I don't think, so
very exciting for that. My dad and I working on
some other trips as well, so trying to get that
going and just trying to stay positive. Man, Listen, it
can be tough out in these streets, you know, especially

(02:00):
if you have things going on. It hasn't been the
best year so far, but we're trying to make things
up positive, which is very exciting. My highlight today is
my meal Preps service comes, So I got new meals
and you want to what new stuff to try. I'm
excited for that. Let me get to this for your Wednesday.
The reasons why friendship breakups hurt so much. I've said

(02:23):
this before and I think it's uh. I still believe
it too. Friendship breakups don't have to be a bad thing.
I do think when we are little and through grade school,
let me rephrase that. When you're older, you kind of
realize that most of the friendships you had were kind
of friendships based on circumstance. It's like kids that happen
to be in your neighborhood or the kids you saw

(02:45):
at school every day, and really it didn't take much
maintenance to keep those friendships alive because you saw them
every day. It's sign til like you go to different
high school, you a different college, you move away, that
you realize like, oh, like you have to put in
wor to be friends. And I'll be honest, like there's
some friends that I've had that we've maybe you know,

(03:05):
fallen a little bit out of touch with. It doesn't
necessarily mean it's a bad thing. Like I still want
the best of them and still wish for their success.
I just do it kind of like you know from Afar.
Now you know and again it's not nothing went wrong,
it's just kind of like life happened. Especially moving away,
it became a lot where I would go back home.
I haven't been in Minnesota in four years maybe long time,

(03:31):
but it got to be a lot to like see everybody.
And then that's kind of when I started realize like, oh,
like these the people that I really want to see. Yeah, again,
it wasn't any slight to anybody else. It's kind of
like that's what happens, you know. Starting with there's no
breakup protocol for friendships. Yes, they say when romantic relationships
and there's unspoken script, block the numbers, leaf photos, YadA, YadA, YadA.

(03:53):
But for a friendship, there's no official rule book. Do
you have to follow them? What goes on? Yeah, I
think that's kind of like the awkward because I also
talk with friendship breakups, like most times you don't necessarily
have that conversation, just kind of like, uh, it just
kind of happened, just kind of drift away. They were

(04:15):
a huge part of your day day life. Now the
void is massive. I mean I get that obviously the
last month certainly, but yeah, it's like it's like a
romantic relationship and that you used to rely on that
person if things were going wrong, if you need to
vent to somebody that was kind of like your rocket. Yeah,
now they're gone. Your favorite places or things were connected

(04:35):
to them. Yes, that sucks. The coffee shop you went
to the inside jokes also too. I think sometimes with
friends you bond over mutual hate for somebody, you know
what I mean, And when that person does something stupid,
it's like, hey, who can I tell that this person's
being dumb without having to catch somebody up. That's the

(04:56):
worst part of like catching somebody up on why do
you hate a coworker or why you don't like your
neighbor takes a lot of work. You know, they know
your deepest secrets and emotions. I think that's fair. I
think sometimes your friends know you better than your your person,
do you know what I mean? Yeah, So they say.
One of the biggest things about this is you wonder

(05:18):
if your secrets are still safe. I'll say this, any
friends that I no longer friends with I haven't totally
other secrets too, Yeah, and if they have, I'll find
you and I will kick you in the tooth as well.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Do you don't really get closure? So it's hard to
move on.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
I also think too that, like, I don't really believe
closure is a thing.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
I just don't like. I just think that like.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
There's always something more to say, and like I think
we like the idea of closure. I have never really
found closure to be a thing. I've never really left
the situation. But yes, I have said everything I want
to say, everything I want to answer is answered. I
can move I don't necessarily think that exists. You know,
you feel like you've lost a version and piece of yourself.

(06:06):
I think that makes sense too. They say, friendship shape
our danity, inside joke, shared slang, hobbies, picked up, YadA YadA.
When the friendship ends, it's not just about losing them,
it's about losing a version of yourself that existed with them.
I think that's fair too. Again, it's kind of like
a relationship. Yes, like that version of you is gone.
You know your mutual friends are caught in the cross far. Yeah,

(06:29):
that sucks. They say a friendship breakup doesn't just affect
the two of you, it creates ripples throughout your social circle.
I guess like I'm lucky that my social circle is
so diverse and there's not a lot of cross pollination,
except with me. You know, Like there's I have like
radio friends, certainly have hockey friends, comedy friends. It's kind
of like life friends. I'm lucky with that, but I

(06:51):
would I would caution to be like, don't be the
person that makes folks have to pick a side, you know,
like picking a side between this friend and that friend.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I feel like that never works.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
The person that forces the ultimatum, they wear your go
to you person and you miss that big time.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah again, do it sucks?

Speaker 1 (07:12):
The first person called you of exciting news, the person
rants you after a bad day, the one you exactly
what to say when you were struggling. Losing them isn't
just about missing the presence, about missing the role they
played in your life.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Again.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, you're losing your sounding board, you know. I guess
the beauty is about life is that you know somebody
else will come in. You'll find another friend, or maybe
get closer to a friend you already have. I think
that's the kind of the beauty thing of life is
that you put yourself out there, good things will happen.
You see them happy in social media, and the grief
is unbearable. Yeah, I mean I think that again, this

(07:47):
goes with everybody, right. But also it's funny how we
see people being happy in social media and asuement's real life,
but also will post on social media when we're miserable,
you know what I mean, Like we forget that we
can also pretend to be happy on social media even
though we're not.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
I think that's fair.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
I do think that if that's the case, though, either
removing them as a friend or muting them as a
friend that's probably the way to go, so you don't
have to see that constantly.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
I do think that's probably the way to go.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
Last one, I'll get to you spend your life questioning
where it went wrong, they say, Unlike relationships that have
a clear breaking point, friendships tend to fade out gradually,
leaving you questioning everything was the misunderstanding? Could you have
done something differently? Did they even carry not friends anymore?

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I think again, you know, I don't necessarily believe closure
is a thing. I think the idea of it sounds nice,
but I just don't think that.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
I don't know. Again, and maybe it's just me.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
I just kind of thought that's never quite been a
thing that's happened where you had that last conversation again,
all the questions were answered, no more doubts, everything is
good to go. I don't know if that happens. I
think at that point too, it's like sometimes you just
have to accept that you're not gonna get the answer.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
You know.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, it doesn't suck. Yeah, absolutely, that's life, dude. Anyway
that makes this didn't mean to make this such a
gloomy podcast. Hopefully didn't come across that way. I can talk,
I swear. I hope you have a great Wednesday. You
get a chance to drop a follow at intern Genre Radio.
I'll see you on Friday.
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