Pushing Him Away - 1083

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about what pushes a guy away

Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday friend. Welcome to the Thoughts Shower.
Intern John is my name. Allergy season not great, not
great at all. I had a cough for about three
weeks and uh yeah, I know that's far too long.
Went to the ursion Care yesterday. Ursion Care, I will
maintained the worst named business of all time. My appointment

(00:24):
was for one ended up being seen around like to
forty five ish. And it's funny because, like, wes your symptoms,
I'm like, oh, well, I've been coughing for a couple
of weeks, and so they do like all the tests
on that stuff at the M like, yeah it's a cough.
I'm like, well, yeah, I mean yeah, it is a cough.

(00:44):
Thank you, thank you. So got medication. Very exciting. I'm
still like trying to fight the tickle as it comes pause,
I think, because obviously talking for a living doesn't help.
I'm sure waking up as early as I do doesn't help.
But you know, it's a battle, and if you have
anything about me, I fight your battles.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I really do.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
I put my head on the ground and I suck
it up and I rarely even complain about it. You know,
if I'm not feeling well, you rarely know. It just
keeps under the surface. So that's that's my goal with that.
I'm excited though. This week's to me big for us.
Tomorrow Thursday, Opening Day, doing a live broadcast for the

(01:28):
Nats game.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Very exciting.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Don't worry, Baltimore fan will be up for Opening Day
on Monday. It's gonna be to start kind of like
a busy couple weeks with me. So I got Opening
Day Tomorrow, Thursday. This weekend, I got work at the bar.
Yes next weekend going to Louisville, Kentucky. Then I come
back on Sunday for a coworker's birthday party that's exciting.

(01:51):
The weekend after that, then being New Orleans, my brother
and my dad for a cigar convention. Come back that
day for the end of your banquet for hockey. So
I kind of travel, you know, every now and then
I get a couple of weeks off of like there's
nothing else going on, and then boom, it all kind
of happens.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I was supposed to do another trip like.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Midweek next week, but I was looking at it like,
do I want to do an opening Day on Monday,
go to this other place for a couple of days
during the week while doing the show, and then go
to Louisville for the weekend. Probably not, Probably not. I
have learned that burning yourself out is not a fun thing.

(02:31):
It's not a flex and to be honest, nobody cares.
So that's what I've been trying to do, is be
more mindful of my choices that way. It's been nice
weather the last couple of days too, bringing skeets out,
doing all that kind of good stuff. Let me get
to this for your waynesday, the habits that instantly turn
off men. As a guy, like, I'm somewhat qualified to

(02:52):
speak on this, so we'll see. It's a courtious psychologists
being a bit too needy. They say, we all want
reassured now and then. But if you're texting him constantly
check in or feeling anxious when he's not around, he
can come across as clingy.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I think that's probably fair.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I think as a guy, maybe you would start thinking like,
am I not doing enough to ease that anxiety? And
then that kind of gets to be a bit more involved.
But I do think, yeah, like you want somebody who's confident. Also,
it's a fine line, right because you want to feel needed.
You want to feel like your person maybe couldn't live

(03:33):
without you, you know, you don't want to maybe feel
like it doesn't matter from here or not. So I
get that, but it is a fine line of like,
I don't want to be somebody's caretaker, not yet when
we're old and we can't control our bowels. Different story
right now, though, I know thank you playing mind games,
they say, Yet teasing can be fun. Mind game's not

(03:56):
so much if you're intentionally affording with others just to
get a rise that I think him it's going to
cause unecessary drama and send the wrong signal. Yeah, for me,
I just don't play around like that. Like if you
go for somebody else, my thought is like, go for it,
have him, you know what I mean. That's like a
especially if you're doing it to make me jealous. I

(04:19):
don't want any part of that because then it's like
with dudes especially, it's like, okay, so if you get
this other guy attention at the bar with no intention
of doing anything with him, but just to make me jealous,
what if he tries to fight me later? What if
that causes me to get in a conflict later? On
that I don't want to be in. You know, that's
the least in my mind works being self absorbed. They say,

(04:42):
self confidence is important, but it feels like every chance
circles back to you, he might start to feel ignored.
They said, men love it when the partner showed genuine
interest in their lives too.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
I think that's fair for anybody, right.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Obviously, you want to be able to talk about yourself
and in your life and what's going on with you.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
So that's kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Planetory overreacting to little things, they say, We've all had
those moments where something small just under our skin. But
if you find yourself reacting dramatically to little annoyances, it'll
start to create a necessary tension. I do think, and
I've said this before. I can't remember where I read
this at, because it actually kind of ties into the
next one. Constant complaining. They say, a little venting here

(05:22):
and there is fine. If every conversation turns into a
complaint session, it can be draining. There is some study
that like dude's brains, the reason we don't argue the
same as women do is because we're wired to think
of like, what's the next threat back? To like caveman days,
like what's the next threat coming in? So I do
think for dudes, like we tend to be like focus

(05:46):
on the next battle, the next argument, the next whatever,
and so it's like it feels like you're always bringing
out the past. It can be a bit like, all right,
so what are we doing here? Yeah, bringing up your
X too often? Yeah, dudes are very ego driven. Certainly
they say it's normal to mention the X once in

(06:06):
a while, but they keep coming up a conversation and
sends a message you're not over it. I think dudes
don't like the idea of that there's other competition out
there in general. I mean that's kind of period of
the sentence right there. We don't like that idea. And
I mean I don't ques quite necessarily know how women
view exes, but for dudes this is kind of like, yeah,

(06:28):
like we don't like the idea out there that there's
there's a threat if you will also too.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
I think that.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
At least for me, I don't like care about axes
if they do like bad things, because I get angry,
you know, and then it's like if you tell me
about something bad, you're ex died I'm not gonna forget it,
so be bringing them up in a positive flight. I'm like, yeah,
but they did X, Y and Z, like ur ay
told me the bad stuff. I'm gonna be mad. You're
on your behalf trying to change him. They say, we

(07:00):
all have our quirks, so while it's fine to have preferences,
trying to change his habits or personality can lead to resentment. Yeah,
they say in seth focusing on things don't like why,
I celebrate the qualities that attracted you to him in
the first place.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
You'll both feel more comfortable. I do think it was obvious.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yeah, if you're obviously trying to change me, like majorly
who I am, I wouldn't like that. If you're trying
to make things better, though, like to better myself, I
think that's okay, But there is a fine line with that.
A couple more of these. I'm lacking ambition, I mean
for me, Yeah, like that's that's kind of a deal breaker. Say,

(07:39):
having goals and aspirations is attractive. If you seem aimless
or understood in your future, it might turn him off. Yeah,
I mean for me, I need to know where your
mind's at.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
I guess like it's a weird thing.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
I feel like we I don't even know how to
quite say this without giving myself in trouble. Ambition to
me doesn't mean that you want to be a girl
boss and run your own company. Ambition could be like
you want to have a family and like raise a family.
To me, like, that's that's great, you know what I mean?

(08:14):
I couldn't be with somebody who has no idea what
they want to do. Like if you want to go
to hair school and start your own salon or work
on salon, awesome. You want to go to medical school
being nurse awesome, You want to start a family and
raise a family awesome. At least in those cases you
kind of know what you want to do. If you
don't know what you want to do at all, you know,

(08:36):
in your thirties, I'm in my thirties, I would be
a little bit like, oh, okay, so what's your plan?
You know, what are we doing? The last one on
here is taking yourself too seriously. I think for this
this is for me with anybody in my life, I
can't Yeah, if you can't laugh at yourself, what are
we doing?

Speaker 2 (08:55):
They said?

Speaker 1 (08:56):
Life can be tough, it might come across the wrong way.
You can't laugh for yourself. A good sense of humor,
the ability to share a laugh as an undera part
of a relationship, but important one nonetheless. Yeah, I do think,
especially because for me, like the best relationships is when
you can laugh at each other for being stupid or
laugh about the stupid stuff. But if somebody's afraid of
let their guard down, I do think that's kind of

(09:16):
what it comes back to with that one. It's not
so much you taking yourself too seriously. It's say, you
can't let your guard down, like nobody wants to be
serious all the time. That's miserable. Can you imagine like
not laughing and not like letting loose? No, thank you,
I hope you have a fantastic Wednesday. You get a
chance to follow me at intern Gen Radio. I'll see

(09:37):
you Friday. It's thoughts Shower.