September 23, 2024 • 38 mins
This week the boys are getting ready for the victory lap which commences September 30, but in the meantime, here's a bit of something extra for you. Bless.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Get a wounders. Matt Heath here as we build up
to the final week of The Matten Jerry Show, the
Victory Lap slash mea culpa. I've put together a little
bit of a story of the history of the Matt
and Jerry Show and my time at Radiohodaki. You can
read it at Matdheath dot substack dot com. Maybe you
want to subscribe. It can be free if you want. Anyway, Blessed, Blessed, Blessed,
(00:21):
give them a taste of Kiwi. Love you all, see
you next week.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
All right, we're rolling Good morning, Redder Morning Mate Tuesday morning. Hey,
can I just make an apology?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yesterday? Yeah? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I got a little bit confused and I was like, Hey,
are we not going to run the ah?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yeah, I really.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Didn't understand until I listened back yesterday why we wouldn't
have done that. Because it's going to do it again
later when we replay one of Matt's favorites.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yes, well, welcome back to Mad Love Moments. As next
week we kick off the Matt and Jury Show victory Lap.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
One last week of the Mat and Jury Show, and
it's going to be what I tell you what mate,
it's going.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
To be big.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
It's going to be the biggest week in radio ever.
You've been involved in some big weeks in New Zealand radio,
look big days in New Zealand radio, big weeks. Not
sure this is a huge week. That's why I'm saying that.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I mean, I'm thinking, thank herby and you know where
you go, Marie Marsius. I'm thinking, you know what today
if you come into a close that.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Was one day though that which is the one day?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
It was one day anyway, it's not really about I
suppose is it? Nah?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And the thing the thank you? You know, it might
not surprise you, but it might surprise you. Didn't go
that well, I'm not surprised. Yeah, we didn't find MH
three seventy spoiler alert.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
We've got a staff meeting to get to in a
couple of minutes here at HQ. Shall we podcast the
staff meeting? Would there be something in that for the
bespokey dokies.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
There would be something in it. I don't know how
valuable that thing would be. I think what we were
going to do is probably more valuable.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
M M.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So I'd say let's go with that. But I do
like your enthusiasm. Yeah, I do like the fact you've
used an idea and you've raised it.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Okay, so it's meshin ridy here. By the way, I
don't think i've seen that, Yette.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
We're filling in for.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
The boys this week on hardaking ninety nine points zero
on your Auckland dial. Yeah, I don't know why. I've
seen the frequency for the first time in my life.
I didn't even know I knew whatever frequency was actually
here in Auckland.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
All of the people that listen to the podcast. Okay,
so we're filling.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
In this week on the radio, just getting ready for
the victory lap this weekend. And also we thought, you
know what, let's reach out to Maddie and ask him
what some of his most loved daily bespoke moments are
over the past few years. Yes, and he's sent back
a whole bunch of feedback. But this episode that we're
going to play back today is as one of Maddie's
most loved moments. Slightly controversial, I suppose, because I don't
(02:39):
know if it's actually one of his most loved moments,
but it's just one of his most talked about moments.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It sure got attention.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I believe the next day his girlfriend texted him the message,
did you shut yourself babes?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And I think also it might be the only podcast
that Professor Heath his father you've listened to you well.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, I think it was. He listened to more now,
but this was the first one that he ever heard.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
So you found this and this podcast was referred to
by Maddie last week. I think that's why we want
to play it Today's because we reached out to medi
and asked for some of his most love moments. He
mentioned this podcast in passing. I don't think he actually
meant it as one of his most loved moments, but look,
that's how I've taken it, and that's what we're going
to play out in the next kind of five six minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, and also got to say thanks very much. On
the Conclave, the Maddenery discussion group on Facebook chair it
was John Tiffin was the guy that said, what about
the one where he's shitting his pants when he's almost
home the night after the Radio Awards, And then a
guy called black Luff came in and said, twenty six
of January twenty twenty.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Four, oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yeah, because we're struggling to find this episode, won't we well,
because people are talking about this one as one of
the more memorable episodes of recent times.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
And because the poor guys shouldn't sh himself far too
many times for us.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
To keep track.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
All right, another of this shitty edman.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, we'll pass it over to an older episode of
the Daily Bespoke podcast with Matt Heath and Jeremy Welles.
We will be doing this for the rest of the week,
so thank you for bearing with us. And again, if
you feel like tuning in onto on ninety nine if
I'm here in Auckland or wherever you are, feel.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Free to do so.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
It would be myself and Ruder treading the boards thinking
of you all. We'll be in touch on the conclove.
If you don't have a chat about anything, that's the
place to do so. Ruder and I are pretty sexually
active in.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Their Yeah no, well, it's is it me or is
it a guy called Finn Caddy and Jeremy Pick Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
That actually is quite disarming that we do have real names,
because who would have thought that I had not signed
up to Facebook as a thirteen year old as mash.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Sometimes I have to go, hey, guys, Rudy here.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Yeah you do, I have you do that anyway, Like,
let's play this episode.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
We'll see the same time, same place tomorrow, and hu,
what about shove that up your ass please, that's not
the same.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Just go to this fucking stuff.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Meaning, let's get bezee.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
That's the Daily Bespoke podcast, the first one for twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
That's right, we're back and we're better than ever. On
the twenty second, boy, we're back late. We've been away
a long time. A second, didn't we leave? On the
twenty second?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
We lived on the sixteenth and.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
We have twenty second group.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
No, no, the sixteenth sixteenth. That there's sixteenth.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Man, we've been away on holiday for a long time.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Feels like it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Shit, idea feels like it shit. The bear feels like
I am fresh fresh, Springer fresh. I don't know if I
should share this? Should I share this?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Yes? I don't know? What is it?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah? You should share it?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
What I cracked my pants the other day? Did you?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I told me she bet it in the car. But
I seem to mesh that you win lead. I don't
remember I made a deal with you mash, I told
you two things in the car, and I see it's
these two things.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
And Kate was in the car as well.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah, so you've already made a mistake. And she shared
one of them. But there was two. There was one
that was much worse than this one.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And I said, Jesus, there was one that was way
worse than this.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
There was one. Where what's the other one? So I
made a sacrifice that will allow this one, this shocking
thing that I shared in the car out, and and
by letting that or let the release the pressure, and
the other one will worth stay in that car.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
You released the pressure into your pants.
Speaker 6 (06:30):
But what's the other one?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
What is the other one involve?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I think we should also touch on the other one
at some point.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
No, that's not the deal.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
But I'm just saying, I'm happy to also discuss the
shooting your pants story because there is also I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Only going to discuss the shitting my pants story if
it means that the other story stays locked, it stays
in the fold.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Okay, I've got a I've got another idea. How about
you discuss half of the shitting the pants story so
you don't tell all of it, and then you just
tell half of the other story, but not be the
important details.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
But I've already the shooting the pants story of the
punchline has been. I mean, the most important part of
it is in the name shooting the pants. The rest
of it that is just icing on.
Speaker 6 (07:10):
They okay, what about with the other story? How bad
is the other story? I mean you were saying that that.
I mean, you're a grand man shooting your pants. It
doesn't happen very often, so you know it's a real
unicorn event. Yeah, it's not well total, that's the boys.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
That a far follow through, was it?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
No? It was. It was a real build up.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
You're out running?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
No, do you want the story? Yes? I want the story? Okay.
So I was down in Dunedin right and then flying
back and I was in the krew in Dunedin and
I had a big glass of red wine and I
had a sort of pulled pulled pork rice dishes delicious,
and then and then I was thinking, shall I visit
(07:56):
the toilet here?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Why does it always have to like, hold on, why.
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Does this story have to involve the thing that you're
eating just before you share your pants?
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Because there's got nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, because I had a number of cheese rolls. There's
a lot of stuff, a lot of gone through the system.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
The thing that you were eating moments before you share
your pants, because I'm assuming that the punchline is that
you share your pants.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
It was the moment.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
It was not moments before. Moments No, it was like
there's a two hour flight from here. Oh a Denean.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Took Yeah, but still that is not that does not
passed through your system and then out the back end.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Okay, so I'm saying that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So you're saying that the.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Poor pork nothing to do with it, nothing to do
with it. No, okay, well good tonight. Well you're drinking
the night before, actually the night before.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So my dad got out this this bottle. He goes, oh,
I've got a whole lot of stuff out of storage,
and he goes, when I was in Hungary forty years ago,
I got given all this alcohol and I've kept it
in a box, and so it brings out this I'll
show you of it. It brings out this bottle of
(09:02):
some we're ancient, like we're dusting off these bottles of
Hungarian stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
This sounds like immediately dangerous. Forty year old Hungarian alcohol
like a spirit. It was eighty percent proof. I'll show
you the bottle of it, and wonder.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You shake it.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
I think this is the thing. I think this is
this Hungarian spirit.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
I don't know if that's related.
Speaker 6 (09:23):
Forty year old Hungarian spirit. Well, I suppose it still keeps.
You can keep it forever, can't you.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
There's oh my god, look at it. Are you sure
that was forty years old? Eighty years old? Well, when
he brought it back from Hungary, it was.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Well on the endeavor.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It's so old.
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Yeah, it's not even it doesn't even the label has
fallen off and it's but it's kind of handwritten.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It looks like something from antiques road show. Someone rocks
up with it.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
So we don't even know what it is because we
don't speak Hungarian, so we don't know if it's something
that gets better with forty years or gets worse with
forty years. So anyway, we had we had that, me
and Charlie and my son, Charlie and my dad. And
there's something really beautiful about, you know, having you know,
sitting around with your son and your father drinking forty
(10:11):
to fifty year old hungry and alcohol anyway, that's what
I happened before, But I don't think that's related either.
And there's some other things and that he got out
as well from this crate that he'd brought back from
Hungary maybe fifty years ago, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And so you were just listing a whole bunch of
kind of crimes that have been put into your stomach,
and you're saying that it's got nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Well, he's saying, like if he's saying that the Paul
pork on rice has nothing to do with it, that
he doesn't, then I'm rolling out the Hungary fifty year
old Hungarian ninety proof.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I don't think that's quite how it works. I think
I would be questioning if I was you, I'd be
having a look at my diet and I'd be identifying
the fifty.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You want to put the blame on the fifty year
old Hungary, and I'm just saying it as actually fifty
year olds a fifty year because he was actually looking
at when it went and he was in Hungry in
the early seventies.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
So if I was playing clue right now, it'd be
I'd be looking very heavily and making the Hungarian.
Speaker 6 (11:03):
I would be looking straight at the You know, I
don't even know that. I don't even know the back
end of the story.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know the back end of it.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
I don't I don't even know that, don't know the details.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
But I am immediately for me culprit. The culprit perpetrated
Number one has got to be the Hungarian, the forty
fifty year old or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Fifty pretty much, but we don't know what it is.
It might get better with age. It tasted good. It
was so thick it was when it came out. It
was so thick. This alcohol Okaya came out where oh
I know when it went in, when it came out
in a bottle, out of the bottom, poured out of
the bottles so thick.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
What else did he have it his Hungarian stash?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Well, it's hard to say. They're all different shaped bottles.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
Okay, So he just brought back on.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
Did he just love the alcohol so much and hungry
that he thought, you know what, they don't have any
of this back home.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
I'm got to bring this back.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yes, free. But for what he did is he created
it up because he became friends with a bunch of
Hungarian scientists over there, and they would drink different types
of alcohol, and they gave him some and then and then,
and he could put it in a big crate and
he sent it back to New Zealand. She probably sent
it to She would have sent it to England because
we lived in England at that point. Sen it England,
(12:11):
and then it came over with all the other stuff
when we shifted to New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
And then he never opened it again.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
No, he didn't. But my mom died not so long ago,
and we moved everything out of the house into his
new house, and there's a big garage and some stuff
just got put into the garage. And he's slowly been
getting through it basically because it was the other house
was large, with many different parts to it, so you
could you could fill up whole there's whole buildings at
that other house that you could fill up with crap.
Then he's moved into it.
Speaker 6 (12:36):
So now he's moved as Hungarian treasure trove into the garage. Yeah,
hence he's got access to it. Yeah, and he saw,
let's time of crack open this fifty year old Hungarian liquor.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Well, he actually said, there's a number of crates of
different liquor from different places around the world, and he goes,
there's this I found this crate from Hungary, and so
we opened it up and so that that we have that.
But anyway, this isn't the story. The story is about
me shifting my pants, not about interesting alcohols from the
other side.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Of the But what I don't think you understand, man,
is that we're looking to We're looking at drawing a
string between those suspicious Hungarian alcohols and you shedding your pants.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
That's why we're still here. I think that's a long
bow to draw.
Speaker 6 (13:15):
What did you match the Hungarian the fifty year old
Hungarian alcohol?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
What did you match it with? A?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
What was he he's a big fan of what's that
orange liqueur?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Begins with c.
Speaker 6 (13:29):
Oh grand marnier, no contro contro so because that's what
excited him, because because we had some contro, and because
because he was trying to get my son into drinking
and my kids aren't that into it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So he's trying to get Barry and Charlie into whiskey.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Because you know, seventeen year olds love whiskey. You should
see my you should see my fourteen year old trying
to drink whisky. He's like, what the hell is going like,
it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
He has no respect for authority or the fact that
we eat that we drink whiskey. He's like, that's firewater.
Bears was so angry. So that's stupid. You're stupid to
drink that. It's horrible. It's toison around. You're you're stupid.
He was telling us grandd you're stupid. Yeah, but but
(14:12):
just my dad said, Dad said, it's not whiskey. That's bad.
It's bad whiskey. That's bad. Good whiskey is good, and
whiskey with the stories are good, and every whiskey my
dad pause has about a story. Okay, God has a story. Interestingly,
he has hungry and whiskey didn't it has hungry and
crate didn't have a lot of stories.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
They must have been a because of the whiskey or
the drink that he was drinking you can't remember it,
or B some of the stories were maybe not the
kind of stories that you tell your son and your
greend kids.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Anyway, we dusted off the bottle, like literally.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Blo dust of yea, how much did you drink?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Not that much? Three shots each.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Okay, Yeah, so you took this bottle of alcohol out
of what I'm imagining looks a little bit like a
trusure chest. Yeah, you had to blow some dust off it. Yeah,
you know when you and.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I had old markings on it, like I had Hungarian
markings on the.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Was it was it? It had been opened before.
Speaker 6 (15:06):
This Hungarian anyway, it's Hungarian liqueur a some kinds.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
It's some weird thing. It kind of tasted almost like
a rotten peer anyway.
Speaker 6 (15:16):
I wonder if it was snaps, like a type of schnaps,
because it want to be made with peers, so it's
probably been made fermented peers.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Can anyone read Hungarian? No say on the bottle of it?
Speaker 6 (15:29):
Why don't we Why don't we go into the research
and I can google Hungy?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But I think, but I think we're losing the because
the story is about me shitting my pants. Yeah, but
it's still bloody.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Interesting because I quite like this.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'll say it again, your pants.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
It has got something to do with this.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
What is the traditional It's called uniicum?
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Okay, So did you drink uni? Come? I'm pretty sure
I wasn't drinking uni How are you spelling? That it's
inky amber tinted? Is that right? Is it amber tinted?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And how to see that? Uni?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Come?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Now, how are you spelling unicom?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
There's see you in uni com? It is un that
checks out with the roots.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
You're drinking unium? No wonder you share yourself? Then make
sure it wasn't unicom. It's one of the most revered
national drinks in Hungry. Like other boozy Hungry and favorite
the fruit brandy Palinka, Unicom is largely savored as an
appartif or digestive in short form, Look is it unicom?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
It's this?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
It's unicom?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But this there's a new version of bottle that's been
going around like this is called zwhack. I think I
found what we were drinking.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Let's have a gezy.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Because look look at the bottle. Let's see this. It's
much newer, this bottle. But I've just gone into the
research nock and I found this that look and look
how similar their bottle is to this bottle?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
From god damn it.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
From here we go, Here we go, Look there they go?
Speaker 4 (16:57):
There.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh that's the one a shape bottle, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
What does it say here? What does that say?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
There pier right right, and that's French. But that what
would hear?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Do you?
Speaker 4 (17:09):
So it's per of cure, So it's a liqueur of pier.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, so that's what we're drinking. All right, I've
got to the bottom. So that's just a that's just
a So this is not so this is a bottle
of alcohol that costs twenty eight dollars now and he's
he's he's putting away for half a century.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah, but it'll be better now, it'll be it'll be aged.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
It was good. So if it's betten, so now we
know that it's better now, then we that's not the
Unicom's not unique.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Okay, we're just going to have to take a break here,
guys to pause.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Well, we're back at the end of the story about
me shedding my pants, and we're back on the Daily
Bespoke podcast.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Okay, so you're drinking unicom. Wasn't your dad?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
I wasn't It wasn't unemp But anyway, so was it Polenka.
But we've gone twenty four hours before anything, because we
have to.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Want me to get to this end of the story.
So anyway, I met the I met the corow and
I ate the pull pork on rice that you're saying
is not related.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
And then I have a I have a bag glass
of red. Like I'm pouring a red not into a
wine glass. I'm pouring into a.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Tumbler that you'd normally use for a code that's good,
you know, yeah, right like a big cam Yeah, like
a big big pixie campbell poor like bag right to
the breas the South big one dot com. So then
then I'm going then I just get the first message
comes through from my bow at that point after after
(18:41):
that big red that the bell goes. You know, we've
got some business to do. So you know, like if
you're not, you know, it's it's not like it's not
like an alarm bell. But it's the first time I'm
thinking I need at some point to take a crap.
And then I'm like, you know what, I'm not going
to I'm gonna have another glass of wine and I'm gonna
get on the plane and the kids. The kids love
(19:01):
the chorros, so you know, like they they're they're going
around and they're having a good time. I don't want
to ruin it by me going off and destroying the toilet,
you know, even though you needed to.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Yeah, So as it stands, it looks like you might
be quickly approaching one of those situations where that one
time where you were on the plane and you know.
Speaker 6 (19:17):
Has got history, the dragon, you've got history, and you
blame pulled pork on that one.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
No, that was a pork belly.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
It's always poor because you down there.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So anyway, I'm on the track on the plane and
we're in the air, and that's a two hour flight
from from Dunedin Talkland. I'm on the plane and I'm
thinking I kind of need to go now. But I'm like,
after the shaming I got from you, Jeremy, after that
time that we're talking about when I went and then
dragged a lot of it back down with me.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Well, we were and we were in I believe Row twelve,
and you went up front, Yeah, did what you needed
to do. Yeah, early only we'd only just got the
cruise altitude too. And then you went up good what
you needed to do, and then you opened the door
and then you drag the whole thing back with you
all the way through to I reckon row fifteen. I mean,
we're in row twelve, and that was a horrific stench
(20:11):
at that point.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Well exactly, and so I've been shamed for that, and
once again I'm sitting on the plane going why did
I go on the corrow? But I'm not going to
use the facility again because you know, our show and
podcast is getting very popular. So I'm seen heading towards
a toilet on a plane.
Speaker 6 (20:26):
Then people get the cameras out and start filming. It
end up on social media and people have heard the story.
So I couldn't go there. So then I land in Auckland,
and now my stomach's going, dude.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Come on, it's going ape shit. But I'm imagining you.
And then and then I go. But then strangely, there's
a little bit of a reprieve. It stops sending the message,
and so I go and get the baggage off the the.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
Carousel carousel, and then I go and get my keys
from the car again in my car and I'm driving
back to town and I'm going, oh god, I really
need to go.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
You know.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
Oh you're still not gone yet. No, no, well there's
a toilet right by the carousel.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, I know, this is why when I heard this story.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
You're not listening to the sign.
Speaker 6 (21:13):
But did you know, hear me just say it was
one of those weird reprieves where you get when I'm
I felt like it had gone away.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Yeah, I know the reprief.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I'm questioning the reprief.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I know. The reprieve for me is there's always a reprieve.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
I'm always looking for the reprief. But you still feel it,
you still know that you need to go.
Speaker 6 (21:30):
I thought I had a window to get home, Okay,
So I get the kids into the cart and we're
driving home, and then the reprieve is over, well and.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Truly over, and it's going, oh my god. So any
I've dropped the kids off at their mum's house, and
then I'm like, I can't drop the kids off at
the pool while I'm dropping the kids off at the
mum's house, because because I've been in trouble before for
stopping off at the mum's house and just barreling in
the door and then going straight into her on suite
and just unleashing. How anywhere were.
Speaker 6 (21:57):
You haven't caused controversy with toilets, because I remember there
was the time and the Hawk's Bay and we'd had
that huge night and I believe it involved pork sausages.
And then the next day you block the pipes and
caused a flooding issue. Do you remember on the toilets
that enzed me and the I went to the bathroom,
(22:17):
and then then there was a plumbing issue. But there's
there's been no cause on link established clearly between me
and also they were old, old sort of art deco pipes,
so that's not what anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Can I say?
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Also another thing here that's starting to look a little
bit like it kind of common variable as pork.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
We keep saying it.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
I'm being away.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
There's a lot of issues around you having pork based right,
that is interesting.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Actually we are finding a bit of a link there.
So I'm in the car and you drop the kids off,
and I go, I can't go in there. And I go, well,
I think I can make it home. I think I
can make it home. And then I'm driving driving down
Dominion Road, and then I realized that I need down
Dominion Road. Yeah. Halfway down to Dominion Road, I realized
I need to get some stuff from the supermarket. Oh
for goodness, And so I go, okay, I'm going to
(23:08):
risk this. Well, I'm not going to go home.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
What are you doing.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm not going to get home and then I'm going
to come back to the supermarket. So I go and
super get the stuff, and I'm going, now this is
this is a problem now. So I'm actually rushing to
the car and I'm actually waddling really fast with the
groceries to the car.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
I just want you to do that thing where you
put you. I've seen you before. You look like you've
been riding a horse for the last four days.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I wasn't going to know that there's zero sympathy left
for the story. But the way from me that I've
got no sympathy left so many opportunities.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
If you were I know how this ends.
Speaker 6 (23:44):
I don't know how. I can't imagine how it's going
to mean. But if you were talking to your son, ye,
your kid, and your kid was even five or six, yeah,
and they were telling you the story. Now I had
I went and they told you the story, you would
have no sympathy for them, would you. You'd be like
you had your opportunities.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I think I deserve a little bit of sympathy anyway.
So I'm in the car and now it's a real problem,
and I'm absolutely speeding like I'm like down across the
Minion road again, and I'm down past Eden Park at
pace now in the car like heaving speed bumps at pace,
and that's that's not gonna help, but there is. And
then then then I drive down, I turned onto my
(24:21):
street and I'm like, and this is I think that
your anus can sense it's home toilet.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Yeah, your bladder can too.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, and it just and it just goes. I well,
nearly there. So I'm just going to give up hope.
So I'm going, oh my.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
God, that's it's.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Starting to come. And then and then then then I
then I pull I pull up in front of the
house and I go, okay, I think I can make
it into the toilet. And then I remember I haven't
taken my luggage, all of my or my groceries out
of the car. So I get to the door and
then I rush back and now now my bow's going, mate,
it's gott to leave it. You've got to go car
(24:55):
do then then my bow's going, mate. Seriously, dude, we
were with and throwing distance of you know, the bathroom,
can your preferred bathroom in the bedroom, we're from throwing distance.
But then I there, so I go back and then
and then I get to the door, and I've got
all my groceries and I've got the bags, and then
I've got to put the code into the door. Now
I'm in a panic state, like like I've put this
(25:17):
code into my door a thousand times, but I'm like panicking,
and I do it. I go, I go the wrong
codes and goes bib and then it goes wrong. Number
of my door talks to me when one goes wrong
number of digits, like, ah, are you going?
Speaker 3 (25:29):
You have you credd a tale at this point, like
are we at all at any risk anything coming out?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
There's I would say turtles here at this point. And
then you finally get through the door, and then I
load the stuff on and then boom boom, Like I'm
saying ten meters.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
I've about.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Say it might have been it might have been seven
and a half meters from the bathroom. Seven and a
half meters of the bathroom. Just filled my pants this story,
And now I've got a problem because I'm by the
door and I'm filling.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
My pa what kind of moneys are you wearing?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Just standard as color boxes?
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Oh no, not boxes?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Yeah boxes?
Speaker 6 (26:19):
Oh no, So now, but I'm wearing long pants. Yeah,
but that's not going to help pens have they got
a bunch at bottom?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
And then I'm like, what do I do now? I
do I just finish this off? Do I just let
it all out? And I go, no, I'm going to
try and get as much of this I can to
the bathroom as I can. And so I sort of
waddle through the house and I'm experiencing quite a lot
of shame at this point. Is of course there's no
one else there, so you should be you should be. Yeah,
(26:46):
I'm experiencing I've got quite a lot of regret around
the decisions I made around various bathrooms I went past.
And so I go and I get into the toilet
and I sit down, and then it just goes okay, mate,
you know you've had a warning shot, but the it's
on now and absolutely unleashed into the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Must have been a relief.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Well, it did feelt good. It felt good, actually, but
it was quite a lot. And then I locked down
into my boxes and there's it's a lot. When it's
not it's a lot more. Yeah, it's a lot more
when you're an adult. Now, it's a lot, a lot
more when it's in your hondays. And then I'm like,
what am I going to do here? And I'm like,
can I just kind of so I finish up, take
(27:32):
everything off, all of it off, and I get in
the shower.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Yeah, good, good, bad. Yeah I do that too.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But then I'm like, what do I do with this
atrocity that's on the floor because because you can't just
put it straight and in the washing machine because it's
too much volume of fecal matal.
Speaker 6 (27:50):
I hope you did the honorable thing. What there's only
one there's only one thing.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
There's only one course of action at this point.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Done them in the recycling bent.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Well, nearly what you gotta you gotta put them in
a plastic bag. It's got to go in the bun Yeah, okay,
we can't retrieve those things. Yeah, bad luck at that
point that they soil.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
You can't bring the back yet. So I put the
undies in there. But it wasn't just in the undies
and I just bought these new pair of pants, So
then I had to do a bit of a maneuver
and get them into the washing machine.
Speaker 6 (28:27):
The pants have to go to no I been soiled.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I brought them back. The sock set to go, and
the UNDI set to go. What was that to the socks?
The socks involved themselves.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I reckon pulling the pants down that the socks got involved.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Was there any trapsing? No, I didn't. I mean I
got to the room. I got to the bathroom with
no carpet dishes. You don't have carpet in your toilet? No,
thank god, it's not. Thank god, thank god. We didn't
do a very odd maneuver and we got that bathroom
put in last year that we went carpet. There's a
(29:07):
big carpet. So anyway, I went through the washing machine
and then perfect crime.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
No one found out, well, oh I mean hang on,
yeah no, no, thousands of people I found out.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
Wow, yeah, that was okay. So it's got nothing to
do with anything you ate, and it's just.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
You being even though you have committed some crimes in
the past off the back of pork.
Speaker 6 (29:28):
But there's negligence that is pure negligence and a refusal
to listen to the signs. It was subris was half
a day. It was kind of like when they said
that that's karma.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It was similar to when you know they said the
Titanic couldn't be sunk. I think I had a similar
amount of hubris. I haven't. I haven't shaped my pants
since I was a toddler, so it can't happen, you know.
I just I just I didn't. I believe there was
a way. I believe that I was I would get there.
Do you know something that was hubris?
Speaker 4 (29:59):
And that? Now?
Speaker 6 (30:00):
Do you know something which is interesting? Because when I came,
you know, we haven't seen you for a week while,
and this morning when I walked down, there was just something.
It was like you've been born again in some way.
I couldn't quite work out what it was.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
You seem so.
Speaker 6 (30:15):
Happy and it's just like you're radiating joy, and do
you know what it is? What I think it's because
you share your pants over the holidays, and I think
every adult needs to ship themselves just to it brings
it back to It's like you know, with aa Hey,
you've got to give up everything, you know, when you're dealing,
and you've got to admit your nothing, and you've got
to get to the absolute bottom.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And go and go completely humble yourself. And if you
completely humble yourself, you can then build yourself up because
you can grab onto little things like every day I
don't shit my pants as a victory that I can
hold on too.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
Now that's right, that's right.
Speaker 6 (30:52):
And also I think it just kind of brings you
back to your base and it does something to your
ego where you now I realize, no matter what you are,
ultimately you're still a child.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
Yeah, you know, you're still a being that can shut itself.
Speaker 6 (31:08):
So I think probably what we've learned this morning, yeah,
is that we should all go away today and shut ourselves.
If the robins is not an easy thing to do,
you've actually got to when it happens.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
If every fiber of your anus strives to keep it.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
Oh man, it's so hard to me. I haven't shipped myself.
I can't even remember. I actually I do remember the
last time I shut myself. I was about six.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Can we just take one more quick break because it's
through for so long and wrap this sh it up?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So you're saying.
Speaker 6 (31:45):
That's the last time, So I think I've got to
do it again. But it's just going to be quite
hard to do it. I think the easiest time is
going to be if I'm out on a run, and
then sometimes you can you can just the jump that
the sort of you know, momentum of being being up
and down if you needed to go, maybe a little
bit before the run, start the run, and then I
could chip myself.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
On the run. Maybe everyone out there should, if you're saying,
because you know what, I didn't notice that when you
said that to me. I do feel a lot happier
since I chat.
Speaker 6 (32:13):
It's like the last thing you hold on to because
later in life you shut yourself as an adult right
when you're getting old and about to die, and people
talk about, you know, the amount of adult diapers and
the humiliation of incontinence and all of that.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
Sort of stuff.
Speaker 6 (32:26):
I think you've got to do it well before you
get to that point, so you go through that humiliation
again of incondiness. Because I think you can piss yourself.
I think that's an easy thing to do, but I
think shitting yourself is quite a hard thing to.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
It because it's such a clean up.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
But if you do it and you know that you'll
buy a shower on you can just immediately. I wouldn't
be wearing pants for a start, but I'd be wearing
undies as well. Which can contain that, like briefs that
can contain the well, no, because he's still doing he's
still filling up your undies.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Yeah anyway, like so yeah, I recommend anyone out there
that hasn't shut themselves lately just try it and you
might find that it might be that thing that turns
things around for you. It might be that that little
bit of luck that changes everything. Do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
They do that in rehab, like if you win in
for alcohol or drug rehab. They like day two, Ship
your Pants therapy. This is this is what our class
is going to be today. Guys, when was the last
time therapy?
Speaker 4 (33:19):
We're going to shoot ourselves. Ship your pants therapy.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
It's a bloody good idea because you just come right
down to the base.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You can right down to the bottom at rock bottom before.
You haven't hit rock bottom until you shot yourself.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Well okay, so ship said, we'd love to hear from you.
Slide into a Dam's Matt and Jerry Show on Instagram
and if you have chosen to shit your pants and
tell us how you're feeling, if you're feeling better.
Speaker 6 (33:44):
There's something about saying shit. Because I was thinking about
shitting the beard. But it's like shooting the beard is
shutting the bead is so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It is the description, it is the word, the way
you describe it. Worse than him. As someone says, you
share the beard. It's the worst that he shut the bed.
Speaker 6 (34:01):
I don't think shit your pants therapy should involve shitting
the beard. Now, that's too much fire trucking.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I've got a friend who was involved in a fire
trucking incident in his home recently, and he was quite
quick on his feet with his thinking fire truck the beard.
He woke up beside his wife and he said he
thought quickly, and he said, oh, you pissed the beard
and ran out and played golf all day.
Speaker 6 (34:26):
You know, I've heard the same story. That's a person
who's fire truck the bed a lot because they realized
in the past that they missed an opportunity. So I thought,
next time, I fire truck and they haven't. And it's
been such a short window between fire trucks that you
can remember the thought that you had at the end
of the last time that you should.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Have done who you pissed the beard and he got
out of him played golf all day.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Just one more hypothetical before we go the Notorious Pantsman
aka the Dirty pants Man.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
The dirty pants Man has to start it on Yes,
as the WE'B guy here at radio heardanching, he's back.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
He had a situation recently where he woke up in
the middle of the night, the Dirty pants Man thinking
that it was a thinking his give intellat his good
friends of ventilation, and it was a urinal.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
And so easy mistake to make.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
So we're purely talking about sober kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
It's got to alcohol doesn't really count. It's got it's
got to be sober. It's got to be sober. You
just got to unleash.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Ship your pants therapy. Yeah, you shop your pants and
then you're born again. It's kind of like being baptized.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It just strips away all that bullshit that you believe
about yourself, really and then you can start just to
piece your life together. And what is important, It is
pretty one of the most important things in life is
to not ship your pants man every every every minute,
every day, every hour. And like I'm going to start
doing posts on Instagram like people that have given up drinking.
(35:54):
It's one thousand days, You're on day six. You get
yourself a little coin. It's been a real yeah, coints,
it's been a real journey. But it is six days,
my bet. It is officially it's on Thursday, so it
is Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It's four days since I shaped
(36:17):
my pants. It's beautiful, man, good for you.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
But it is like getting baptized, because when you get baptized,
someone goes, oh Jesus, And when you ship your pen.
Speaker 6 (36:26):
It definitely would be saying, oh Jesus, So you're not
wearing the pants now those pants pens?
Speaker 4 (36:32):
Okay, So and he's gone, and he's gone.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
They're on the recycling.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yeah. Good. You don't think you're burying them in the garden.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
No, they're gone. Okay, they're gone. They've been recycled so
other people can use this.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I really hope that the people collecting the recycling look
through your bin and put a note on your bench.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
All right. That brings us to the end of the
Daily Bespoke podcast for the twenty second of January twenty
twenty four days since I last shaped my pants. We're
back in twenty twenty four. Oh that sucks. I can't
say that I didn't shit my pants in twenty twenty
four now, no, always be a year when I shaped
my pants next year. Lots of good stuff on the
other podcasts. Make make sure you sit to download, subscribe, follow,
(37:20):
et cetera. And we've got another Radio Highlights podcasts out
right now with even better material than that.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Oh yeah, happy with that.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
There's the first one of the year. How we want
to start the year?
Speaker 4 (37:31):
I don't know if we I think it's a good start.
Dead yeah, I really enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
All right, okay, enjoyed? Thank you. Hello, I'm Matt Heath.
You have been listening to the Matt and Jerry Daily
Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to our Radio
Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred up about anyway,
(37:59):
Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer, review all those great things.
It really helps myself and Jerry and to a lesser extent,
Mass and Ruder. If you want to discuss anything raised
in this pod, check out the Conclave, a Matt and
Jerry Facebook discussion group. And while I'm plugging stuff, my
book A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to Love the Life
You've Got is out now. Get it wherever you get
your books, or just google The bastard anyway you seem busy,
(38:22):
I'll let you go. Bless blessed, blessed. Give them a
taste of key we from me.
Get a wounders. Matt Heath here as we build up
to the final week of The Matten Jerry Show, the
Victory Lap slash mea culpa. I've put together a little
bit of a story of the history of the Matt
and Jerry Show and my time at Radiohodaki. You can
read it at Matdheath dot substack dot com. Maybe you
want to subscribe. It can be free if you want. Anyway, Blessed, Blessed, Blessed,
(00:21):
give them a taste of Kiwi. Love you all, see
you next week.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
All right, we're rolling Good morning, Redder Morning Mate Tuesday morning. Hey,
can I just make an apology?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yesterday? Yeah? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I got a little bit confused and I was like, Hey,
are we not going to run the ah?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yeah, I really.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Didn't understand until I listened back yesterday why we wouldn't
have done that. Because it's going to do it again
later when we replay one of Matt's favorites.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yes, well, welcome back to Mad Love Moments. As next
week we kick off the Matt and Jury Show victory Lap.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
One last week of the Mat and Jury Show, and
it's going to be what I tell you what mate,
it's going.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
To be big.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
It's going to be the biggest week in radio ever.
You've been involved in some big weeks in New Zealand radio,
look big days in New Zealand radio, big weeks. Not
sure this is a huge week. That's why I'm saying that.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I mean, I'm thinking, thank herby and you know where
you go, Marie Marsius. I'm thinking, you know what today
if you come into a close that.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Was one day though that which is the one day?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
It was one day anyway, it's not really about I
suppose is it? Nah?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And the thing the thank you? You know, it might
not surprise you, but it might surprise you. Didn't go
that well, I'm not surprised. Yeah, we didn't find MH
three seventy spoiler alert.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
We've got a staff meeting to get to in a
couple of minutes here at HQ. Shall we podcast the
staff meeting? Would there be something in that for the
bespokey dokies.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
There would be something in it. I don't know how
valuable that thing would be. I think what we were
going to do is probably more valuable.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
M M.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So I'd say let's go with that. But I do
like your enthusiasm. Yeah, I do like the fact you've
used an idea and you've raised it.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Okay, so it's meshin ridy here. By the way, I
don't think i've seen that, Yette.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
We're filling in for.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
The boys this week on hardaking ninety nine points zero
on your Auckland dial. Yeah, I don't know why. I've
seen the frequency for the first time in my life.
I didn't even know I knew whatever frequency was actually
here in Auckland.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
All of the people that listen to the podcast. Okay,
so we're filling.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
In this week on the radio, just getting ready for
the victory lap this weekend. And also we thought, you
know what, let's reach out to Maddie and ask him
what some of his most loved daily bespoke moments are
over the past few years. Yes, and he's sent back
a whole bunch of feedback. But this episode that we're
going to play back today is as one of Maddie's
most loved moments. Slightly controversial, I suppose, because I don't
(02:39):
know if it's actually one of his most loved moments,
but it's just one of his most talked about moments.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It sure got attention.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I believe the next day his girlfriend texted him the message,
did you shut yourself babes?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And I think also it might be the only podcast
that Professor Heath his father you've listened to you well.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, I think it was. He listened to more now,
but this was the first one that he ever heard.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
So you found this and this podcast was referred to
by Maddie last week. I think that's why we want
to play it Today's because we reached out to medi
and asked for some of his most love moments. He
mentioned this podcast in passing. I don't think he actually
meant it as one of his most loved moments, but look,
that's how I've taken it, and that's what we're going
to play out in the next kind of five six minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, and also got to say thanks very much. On
the Conclave, the Maddenery discussion group on Facebook chair it
was John Tiffin was the guy that said, what about
the one where he's shitting his pants when he's almost
home the night after the Radio Awards, And then a
guy called black Luff came in and said, twenty six
of January twenty twenty.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Four, oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yeah, because we're struggling to find this episode, won't we well,
because people are talking about this one as one of
the more memorable episodes of recent times.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
And because the poor guys shouldn't sh himself far too
many times for us.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
To keep track.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
All right, another of this shitty edman.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, we'll pass it over to an older episode of
the Daily Bespoke podcast with Matt Heath and Jeremy Welles.
We will be doing this for the rest of the week,
so thank you for bearing with us. And again, if
you feel like tuning in onto on ninety nine if
I'm here in Auckland or wherever you are, feel.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Free to do so.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
It would be myself and Ruder treading the boards thinking
of you all. We'll be in touch on the conclove.
If you don't have a chat about anything, that's the
place to do so. Ruder and I are pretty sexually
active in.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Their Yeah no, well, it's is it me or is
it a guy called Finn Caddy and Jeremy Pick Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
That actually is quite disarming that we do have real names,
because who would have thought that I had not signed
up to Facebook as a thirteen year old as mash.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Sometimes I have to go, hey, guys, Rudy here.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Yeah you do, I have you do that anyway, Like,
let's play this episode.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
We'll see the same time, same place tomorrow, and hu,
what about shove that up your ass please, that's not
the same.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Just go to this fucking stuff.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
Meaning, let's get bezee.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
That's the Daily Bespoke podcast, the first one for twenty
twenty four.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
That's right, we're back and we're better than ever. On
the twenty second, boy, we're back late. We've been away
a long time. A second, didn't we leave? On the
twenty second?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
We lived on the sixteenth and.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
We have twenty second group.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
No, no, the sixteenth sixteenth. That there's sixteenth.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Man, we've been away on holiday for a long time.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Feels like it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Shit, idea feels like it shit. The bear feels like
I am fresh fresh, Springer fresh. I don't know if I
should share this? Should I share this?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Yes? I don't know? What is it?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah? You should share it?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
What I cracked my pants the other day? Did you?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I told me she bet it in the car. But
I seem to mesh that you win lead. I don't
remember I made a deal with you mash, I told
you two things in the car, and I see it's
these two things.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
And Kate was in the car as well.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah, so you've already made a mistake. And she shared
one of them. But there was two. There was one
that was much worse than this one.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And I said, Jesus, there was one that was way
worse than this.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
There was one. Where what's the other one? So I
made a sacrifice that will allow this one, this shocking
thing that I shared in the car out, and and
by letting that or let the release the pressure, and
the other one will worth stay in that car.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
You released the pressure into your pants.
Speaker 6 (06:30):
But what's the other one?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
What is the other one involve?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I think we should also touch on the other one
at some point.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
No, that's not the deal.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
But I'm just saying, I'm happy to also discuss the
shooting your pants story because there is also I'm.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Only going to discuss the shitting my pants story if
it means that the other story stays locked, it stays
in the fold.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Okay, I've got a I've got another idea. How about
you discuss half of the shitting the pants story so
you don't tell all of it, and then you just
tell half of the other story, but not be the
important details.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
But I've already the shooting the pants story of the
punchline has been. I mean, the most important part of
it is in the name shooting the pants. The rest
of it that is just icing on.
Speaker 6 (07:10):
They okay, what about with the other story? How bad
is the other story? I mean you were saying that that.
I mean, you're a grand man shooting your pants. It
doesn't happen very often, so you know it's a real
unicorn event. Yeah, it's not well total, that's the boys.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
That a far follow through, was it?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
No? It was. It was a real build up.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
You're out running?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
No, do you want the story? Yes? I want the story? Okay.
So I was down in Dunedin right and then flying
back and I was in the krew in Dunedin and
I had a big glass of red wine and I
had a sort of pulled pulled pork rice dishes delicious,
and then and then I was thinking, shall I visit
(07:56):
the toilet here?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Why does it always have to like, hold on, why.
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Does this story have to involve the thing that you're
eating just before you share your pants?
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Because there's got nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, because I had a number of cheese rolls. There's
a lot of stuff, a lot of gone through the system.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
The thing that you were eating moments before you share
your pants, because I'm assuming that the punchline is that
you share your pants.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
It was the moment.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
It was not moments before. Moments No, it was like
there's a two hour flight from here. Oh a Denean.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Took Yeah, but still that is not that does not
passed through your system and then out the back end.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Okay, so I'm saying that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So you're saying that the.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Poor pork nothing to do with it, nothing to do
with it. No, okay, well good tonight. Well you're drinking
the night before, actually the night before.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So my dad got out this this bottle. He goes, oh,
I've got a whole lot of stuff out of storage,
and he goes, when I was in Hungary forty years ago,
I got given all this alcohol and I've kept it
in a box, and so it brings out this I'll
show you of it. It brings out this bottle of
(09:02):
some we're ancient, like we're dusting off these bottles of
Hungarian stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
This sounds like immediately dangerous. Forty year old Hungarian alcohol
like a spirit. It was eighty percent proof. I'll show
you the bottle of it, and wonder.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You shake it.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
I think this is the thing. I think this is
this Hungarian spirit.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
I don't know if that's related.
Speaker 6 (09:23):
Forty year old Hungarian spirit. Well, I suppose it still keeps.
You can keep it forever, can't you.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
There's oh my god, look at it. Are you sure
that was forty years old? Eighty years old? Well, when
he brought it back from Hungary, it was.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Well on the endeavor.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It's so old.
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Yeah, it's not even it doesn't even the label has
fallen off and it's but it's kind of handwritten.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It looks like something from antiques road show. Someone rocks
up with it.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
So we don't even know what it is because we
don't speak Hungarian, so we don't know if it's something
that gets better with forty years or gets worse with
forty years. So anyway, we had we had that, me
and Charlie and my son, Charlie and my dad. And
there's something really beautiful about, you know, having you know,
sitting around with your son and your father drinking forty
(10:11):
to fifty year old hungry and alcohol anyway, that's what
I happened before, But I don't think that's related either.
And there's some other things and that he got out
as well from this crate that he'd brought back from
Hungary maybe fifty years ago, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
And so you were just listing a whole bunch of
kind of crimes that have been put into your stomach,
and you're saying that it's got nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Well, he's saying, like if he's saying that the Paul
pork on rice has nothing to do with it, that
he doesn't, then I'm rolling out the Hungary fifty year
old Hungarian ninety proof.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
I don't think that's quite how it works. I think
I would be questioning if I was you, I'd be
having a look at my diet and I'd be identifying
the fifty.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You want to put the blame on the fifty year
old Hungary, and I'm just saying it as actually fifty
year olds a fifty year because he was actually looking
at when it went and he was in Hungry in
the early seventies.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
So if I was playing clue right now, it'd be
I'd be looking very heavily and making the Hungarian.
Speaker 6 (11:03):
I would be looking straight at the You know, I
don't even know that. I don't even know the back
end of the story.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know the back end of it.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
I don't I don't even know that, don't know the details.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
But I am immediately for me culprit. The culprit perpetrated
Number one has got to be the Hungarian, the forty
fifty year old or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Fifty pretty much, but we don't know what it is.
It might get better with age. It tasted good. It
was so thick it was when it came out. It
was so thick. This alcohol Okaya came out where oh
I know when it went in, when it came out
in a bottle, out of the bottom, poured out of
the bottles so thick.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
What else did he have it his Hungarian stash?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Well, it's hard to say. They're all different shaped bottles.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
Okay, So he just brought back on.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
Did he just love the alcohol so much and hungry
that he thought, you know what, they don't have any
of this back home.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
I'm got to bring this back.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yes, free. But for what he did is he created
it up because he became friends with a bunch of
Hungarian scientists over there, and they would drink different types
of alcohol, and they gave him some and then and then,
and he could put it in a big crate and
he sent it back to New Zealand. She probably sent
it to She would have sent it to England because
we lived in England at that point. Sen it England,
(12:11):
and then it came over with all the other stuff
when we shifted to New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
And then he never opened it again.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
No, he didn't. But my mom died not so long ago,
and we moved everything out of the house into his
new house, and there's a big garage and some stuff
just got put into the garage. And he's slowly been
getting through it basically because it was the other house
was large, with many different parts to it, so you
could you could fill up whole there's whole buildings at
that other house that you could fill up with crap.
Then he's moved into it.
Speaker 6 (12:36):
So now he's moved as Hungarian treasure trove into the garage. Yeah,
hence he's got access to it. Yeah, and he saw,
let's time of crack open this fifty year old Hungarian liquor.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Well, he actually said, there's a number of crates of
different liquor from different places around the world, and he goes,
there's this I found this crate from Hungary, and so
we opened it up and so that that we have that.
But anyway, this isn't the story. The story is about
me shifting my pants, not about interesting alcohols from the
other side.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Of the But what I don't think you understand, man,
is that we're looking to We're looking at drawing a
string between those suspicious Hungarian alcohols and you shedding your pants.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
That's why we're still here. I think that's a long
bow to draw.
Speaker 6 (13:15):
What did you match the Hungarian the fifty year old
Hungarian alcohol?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
What did you match it with? A?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
What was he he's a big fan of what's that
orange liqueur?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Begins with c.
Speaker 6 (13:29):
Oh grand marnier, no contro contro so because that's what
excited him, because because we had some contro, and because
because he was trying to get my son into drinking
and my kids aren't that into it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So he's trying to get Barry and Charlie into whiskey.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Because you know, seventeen year olds love whiskey. You should
see my you should see my fourteen year old trying
to drink whisky. He's like, what the hell is going like,
it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
He has no respect for authority or the fact that
we eat that we drink whiskey. He's like, that's firewater.
Bears was so angry. So that's stupid. You're stupid to
drink that. It's horrible. It's toison around. You're you're stupid.
He was telling us grandd you're stupid. Yeah, but but
(14:12):
just my dad said, Dad said, it's not whiskey. That's bad.
It's bad whiskey. That's bad. Good whiskey is good, and
whiskey with the stories are good, and every whiskey my
dad pause has about a story. Okay, God has a story. Interestingly,
he has hungry and whiskey didn't it has hungry and
crate didn't have a lot of stories.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
They must have been a because of the whiskey or
the drink that he was drinking you can't remember it,
or B some of the stories were maybe not the
kind of stories that you tell your son and your
greend kids.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Anyway, we dusted off the bottle, like literally.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Blo dust of yea, how much did you drink?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Not that much? Three shots each.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Okay, Yeah, so you took this bottle of alcohol out
of what I'm imagining looks a little bit like a
trusure chest. Yeah, you had to blow some dust off it. Yeah,
you know when you and.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I had old markings on it, like I had Hungarian
markings on the.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Was it was it? It had been opened before.
Speaker 6 (15:06):
This Hungarian anyway, it's Hungarian liqueur a some kinds.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
It's some weird thing. It kind of tasted almost like
a rotten peer anyway.
Speaker 6 (15:16):
I wonder if it was snaps, like a type of schnaps,
because it want to be made with peers, so it's
probably been made fermented peers.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Can anyone read Hungarian? No say on the bottle of it?
Speaker 6 (15:29):
Why don't we Why don't we go into the research
and I can google Hungy?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But I think, but I think we're losing the because
the story is about me shitting my pants. Yeah, but
it's still bloody.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Interesting because I quite like this.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'll say it again, your pants.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
It has got something to do with this.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
What is the traditional It's called uniicum?
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Okay, So did you drink uni? Come? I'm pretty sure
I wasn't drinking uni How are you spelling? That it's
inky amber tinted? Is that right? Is it amber tinted?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And how to see that? Uni?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Come?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Now, how are you spelling unicom?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
There's see you in uni com? It is un that
checks out with the roots.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
You're drinking unium? No wonder you share yourself? Then make
sure it wasn't unicom. It's one of the most revered
national drinks in Hungry. Like other boozy Hungry and favorite
the fruit brandy Palinka, Unicom is largely savored as an
appartif or digestive in short form, Look is it unicom?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
It's this?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
It's unicom?
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But this there's a new version of bottle that's been
going around like this is called zwhack. I think I
found what we were drinking.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Let's have a gezy.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Because look look at the bottle. Let's see this. It's
much newer, this bottle. But I've just gone into the
research nock and I found this that look and look
how similar their bottle is to this bottle?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
From god damn it.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
From here we go, Here we go, Look there they go?
Speaker 4 (16:57):
There.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh that's the one a shape bottle, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
What does it say here? What does that say?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
There pier right right, and that's French. But that what
would hear?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Do you?
Speaker 4 (17:09):
So it's per of cure, So it's a liqueur of pier.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, so that's what we're drinking. All right, I've
got to the bottom. So that's just a that's just
a So this is not so this is a bottle
of alcohol that costs twenty eight dollars now and he's
he's he's putting away for half a century.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah, but it'll be better now, it'll be it'll be aged.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
It was good. So if it's betten, so now we
know that it's better now, then we that's not the
Unicom's not unique.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Okay, we're just going to have to take a break here,
guys to pause.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Well, we're back at the end of the story about
me shedding my pants, and we're back on the Daily
Bespoke podcast.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Okay, so you're drinking unicom. Wasn't your dad?
Speaker 6 (17:55):
I wasn't It wasn't unemp But anyway, so was it Polenka.
But we've gone twenty four hours before anything, because we
have to.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Want me to get to this end of the story.
So anyway, I met the I met the corow and
I ate the pull pork on rice that you're saying
is not related.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
And then I have a I have a bag glass
of red. Like I'm pouring a red not into a
wine glass. I'm pouring into a.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Tumbler that you'd normally use for a code that's good,
you know, yeah, right like a big cam Yeah, like
a big big pixie campbell poor like bag right to
the breas the South big one dot com. So then
then I'm going then I just get the first message
comes through from my bow at that point after after
(18:41):
that big red that the bell goes. You know, we've
got some business to do. So you know, like if
you're not, you know, it's it's not like it's not
like an alarm bell. But it's the first time I'm
thinking I need at some point to take a crap.
And then I'm like, you know what, I'm not going
to I'm gonna have another glass of wine and I'm gonna
get on the plane and the kids. The kids love
(19:01):
the chorros, so you know, like they they're they're going
around and they're having a good time. I don't want
to ruin it by me going off and destroying the toilet,
you know, even though you needed to.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Yeah, So as it stands, it looks like you might
be quickly approaching one of those situations where that one
time where you were on the plane and you know.
Speaker 6 (19:17):
Has got history, the dragon, you've got history, and you
blame pulled pork on that one.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
No, that was a pork belly.
Speaker 6 (19:27):
It's always poor because you down there.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So anyway, I'm on the track on the plane and
we're in the air, and that's a two hour flight
from from Dunedin Talkland. I'm on the plane and I'm
thinking I kind of need to go now. But I'm like,
after the shaming I got from you, Jeremy, after that
time that we're talking about when I went and then
dragged a lot of it back down with me.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Well, we were and we were in I believe Row twelve,
and you went up front, Yeah, did what you needed
to do. Yeah, early only we'd only just got the
cruise altitude too. And then you went up good what
you needed to do, and then you opened the door
and then you drag the whole thing back with you
all the way through to I reckon row fifteen. I mean,
we're in row twelve, and that was a horrific stench
(20:11):
at that point.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Well exactly, and so I've been shamed for that, and
once again I'm sitting on the plane going why did
I go on the corrow? But I'm not going to
use the facility again because you know, our show and
podcast is getting very popular. So I'm seen heading towards
a toilet on a plane.
Speaker 6 (20:26):
Then people get the cameras out and start filming. It
end up on social media and people have heard the story.
So I couldn't go there. So then I land in Auckland,
and now my stomach's going, dude.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Come on, it's going ape shit. But I'm imagining you.
And then and then I go. But then strangely, there's
a little bit of a reprieve. It stops sending the message,
and so I go and get the baggage off the the.
Speaker 6 (20:52):
Carousel carousel, and then I go and get my keys
from the car again in my car and I'm driving
back to town and I'm going, oh god, I really
need to go.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
You know.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
Oh you're still not gone yet. No, no, well there's
a toilet right by the carousel.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, I know, this is why when I heard this story.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
You're not listening to the sign.
Speaker 6 (21:13):
But did you know, hear me just say it was
one of those weird reprieves where you get when I'm
I felt like it had gone away.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Yeah, I know the reprief.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I'm questioning the reprief.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I know. The reprieve for me is there's always a reprieve.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
I'm always looking for the reprief. But you still feel it,
you still know that you need to go.
Speaker 6 (21:30):
I thought I had a window to get home, Okay,
So I get the kids into the cart and we're
driving home, and then the reprieve is over, well and.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Truly over, and it's going, oh my god. So any
I've dropped the kids off at their mum's house, and
then I'm like, I can't drop the kids off at
the pool while I'm dropping the kids off at the
mum's house, because because I've been in trouble before for
stopping off at the mum's house and just barreling in
the door and then going straight into her on suite
and just unleashing. How anywhere were.
Speaker 6 (21:57):
You haven't caused controversy with toilets, because I remember there
was the time and the Hawk's Bay and we'd had
that huge night and I believe it involved pork sausages.
And then the next day you block the pipes and
caused a flooding issue. Do you remember on the toilets
that enzed me and the I went to the bathroom,
(22:17):
and then then there was a plumbing issue. But there's
there's been no cause on link established clearly between me
and also they were old, old sort of art deco pipes,
so that's not what anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Can I say?
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Also another thing here that's starting to look a little
bit like it kind of common variable as pork.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
We keep saying it.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
I'm being away.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
There's a lot of issues around you having pork based right,
that is interesting.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Actually we are finding a bit of a link there.
So I'm in the car and you drop the kids off,
and I go, I can't go in there. And I go, well,
I think I can make it home. I think I
can make it home. And then I'm driving driving down
Dominion Road, and then I realized that I need down
Dominion Road. Yeah. Halfway down to Dominion Road, I realized
I need to get some stuff from the supermarket. Oh
for goodness, And so I go, okay, I'm going to
(23:08):
risk this. Well, I'm not going to go home.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
What are you doing.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm not going to get home and then I'm going
to come back to the supermarket. So I go and
super get the stuff, and I'm going, now this is
this is a problem now. So I'm actually rushing to
the car and I'm actually waddling really fast with the
groceries to the car.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
I just want you to do that thing where you
put you. I've seen you before. You look like you've
been riding a horse for the last four days.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I wasn't going to know that there's zero sympathy left
for the story. But the way from me that I've
got no sympathy left so many opportunities.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
If you were I know how this ends.
Speaker 6 (23:44):
I don't know how. I can't imagine how it's going
to mean. But if you were talking to your son, ye,
your kid, and your kid was even five or six, yeah,
and they were telling you the story. Now I had
I went and they told you the story, you would
have no sympathy for them, would you. You'd be like
you had your opportunities.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I think I deserve a little bit of sympathy anyway.
So I'm in the car and now it's a real problem,
and I'm absolutely speeding like I'm like down across the
Minion road again, and I'm down past Eden Park at
pace now in the car like heaving speed bumps at pace,
and that's that's not gonna help, but there is. And
then then then I drive down, I turned onto my
(24:21):
street and I'm like, and this is I think that
your anus can sense it's home toilet.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
Yeah, your bladder can too.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, and it just and it just goes. I well,
nearly there. So I'm just going to give up hope.
So I'm going, oh my.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
God, that's it's.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Starting to come. And then and then then then I
then I pull I pull up in front of the
house and I go, okay, I think I can make
it into the toilet. And then I remember I haven't
taken my luggage, all of my or my groceries out
of the car. So I get to the door and
then I rush back and now now my bow's going, mate,
it's gott to leave it. You've got to go car
(24:55):
do then then my bow's going, mate. Seriously, dude, we
were with and throwing distance of you know, the bathroom,
can your preferred bathroom in the bedroom, we're from throwing distance.
But then I there, so I go back and then
and then I get to the door, and I've got
all my groceries and I've got the bags, and then
I've got to put the code into the door. Now
I'm in a panic state, like like I've put this
(25:17):
code into my door a thousand times, but I'm like panicking,
and I do it. I go, I go the wrong
codes and goes bib and then it goes wrong. Number
of my door talks to me when one goes wrong
number of digits, like, ah, are you going?
Speaker 3 (25:29):
You have you credd a tale at this point, like
are we at all at any risk anything coming out?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
There's I would say turtles here at this point. And
then you finally get through the door, and then I
load the stuff on and then boom boom, Like I'm
saying ten meters.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
I've about.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Say it might have been it might have been seven
and a half meters from the bathroom. Seven and a
half meters of the bathroom. Just filled my pants this story,
And now I've got a problem because I'm by the
door and I'm filling.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
My pa what kind of moneys are you wearing?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Just standard as color boxes?
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Oh no, not boxes?
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Yeah boxes?
Speaker 6 (26:19):
Oh no, So now, but I'm wearing long pants. Yeah,
but that's not going to help pens have they got
a bunch at bottom?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
And then I'm like, what do I do now? I
do I just finish this off? Do I just let
it all out? And I go, no, I'm going to
try and get as much of this I can to
the bathroom as I can. And so I sort of
waddle through the house and I'm experiencing quite a lot
of shame at this point. Is of course there's no
one else there, so you should be you should be. Yeah,
(26:46):
I'm experiencing I've got quite a lot of regret around
the decisions I made around various bathrooms I went past.
And so I go and I get into the toilet
and I sit down, and then it just goes okay, mate,
you know you've had a warning shot, but the it's
on now and absolutely unleashed into the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Must have been a relief.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Well, it did feelt good. It felt good, actually, but
it was quite a lot. And then I locked down
into my boxes and there's it's a lot. When it's
not it's a lot more. Yeah, it's a lot more
when you're an adult. Now, it's a lot, a lot
more when it's in your hondays. And then I'm like,
what am I going to do here? And I'm like,
can I just kind of so I finish up, take
(27:32):
everything off, all of it off, and I get in
the shower.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Yeah, good, good, bad. Yeah I do that too.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But then I'm like, what do I do with this
atrocity that's on the floor because because you can't just
put it straight and in the washing machine because it's
too much volume of fecal matal.
Speaker 6 (27:50):
I hope you did the honorable thing. What there's only
one there's only one thing.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
There's only one course of action at this point.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Done them in the recycling bent.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Well, nearly what you gotta you gotta put them in
a plastic bag. It's got to go in the bun Yeah, okay,
we can't retrieve those things. Yeah, bad luck at that
point that they soil.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
You can't bring the back yet. So I put the
undies in there. But it wasn't just in the undies
and I just bought these new pair of pants, So
then I had to do a bit of a maneuver
and get them into the washing machine.
Speaker 6 (28:27):
The pants have to go to no I been soiled.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I brought them back. The sock set to go, and
the UNDI set to go. What was that to the socks?
The socks involved themselves.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I reckon pulling the pants down that the socks got involved.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Was there any trapsing? No, I didn't. I mean I
got to the room. I got to the bathroom with
no carpet dishes. You don't have carpet in your toilet? No,
thank god, it's not. Thank god, thank god. We didn't
do a very odd maneuver and we got that bathroom
put in last year that we went carpet. There's a
(29:07):
big carpet. So anyway, I went through the washing machine
and then perfect crime.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
No one found out, well, oh I mean hang on,
yeah no, no, thousands of people I found out.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
Wow, yeah, that was okay. So it's got nothing to
do with anything you ate, and it's just.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
You being even though you have committed some crimes in
the past off the back of pork.
Speaker 6 (29:28):
But there's negligence that is pure negligence and a refusal
to listen to the signs. It was subris was half
a day. It was kind of like when they said
that that's karma.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It was similar to when you know they said the
Titanic couldn't be sunk. I think I had a similar
amount of hubris. I haven't. I haven't shaped my pants
since I was a toddler, so it can't happen, you know.
I just I just I didn't. I believe there was
a way. I believe that I was I would get there.
Do you know something that was hubris?
Speaker 4 (29:59):
And that? Now?
Speaker 6 (30:00):
Do you know something which is interesting? Because when I came,
you know, we haven't seen you for a week while,
and this morning when I walked down, there was just something.
It was like you've been born again in some way.
I couldn't quite work out what it was.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
You seem so.
Speaker 6 (30:15):
Happy and it's just like you're radiating joy, and do
you know what it is? What I think it's because
you share your pants over the holidays, and I think
every adult needs to ship themselves just to it brings
it back to It's like you know, with aa Hey,
you've got to give up everything, you know, when you're dealing,
and you've got to admit your nothing, and you've got
to get to the absolute bottom.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And go and go completely humble yourself. And if you
completely humble yourself, you can then build yourself up because
you can grab onto little things like every day I
don't shit my pants as a victory that I can
hold on too.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
Now that's right, that's right.
Speaker 6 (30:52):
And also I think it just kind of brings you
back to your base and it does something to your
ego where you now I realize, no matter what you are,
ultimately you're still a child.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
Yeah, you know, you're still a being that can shut itself.
Speaker 6 (31:08):
So I think probably what we've learned this morning, yeah,
is that we should all go away today and shut ourselves.
If the robins is not an easy thing to do,
you've actually got to when it happens.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
If every fiber of your anus strives to keep it.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
Oh man, it's so hard to me. I haven't shipped myself.
I can't even remember. I actually I do remember the
last time I shut myself. I was about six.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Can we just take one more quick break because it's
through for so long and wrap this sh it up?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So you're saying.
Speaker 6 (31:45):
That's the last time, So I think I've got to
do it again. But it's just going to be quite
hard to do it. I think the easiest time is
going to be if I'm out on a run, and
then sometimes you can you can just the jump that
the sort of you know, momentum of being being up
and down if you needed to go, maybe a little
bit before the run, start the run, and then I
could chip myself.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
On the run. Maybe everyone out there should, if you're saying,
because you know what, I didn't notice that when you
said that to me. I do feel a lot happier
since I chat.
Speaker 6 (32:13):
It's like the last thing you hold on to because
later in life you shut yourself as an adult right
when you're getting old and about to die, and people
talk about, you know, the amount of adult diapers and
the humiliation of incontinence and all of that.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
Sort of stuff.
Speaker 6 (32:26):
I think you've got to do it well before you
get to that point, so you go through that humiliation
again of incondiness. Because I think you can piss yourself.
I think that's an easy thing to do, but I
think shitting yourself is quite a hard thing to.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
It because it's such a clean up.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
But if you do it and you know that you'll
buy a shower on you can just immediately. I wouldn't
be wearing pants for a start, but I'd be wearing
undies as well. Which can contain that, like briefs that
can contain the well, no, because he's still doing he's
still filling up your undies.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Yeah anyway, like so yeah, I recommend anyone out there
that hasn't shut themselves lately just try it and you
might find that it might be that thing that turns
things around for you. It might be that that little
bit of luck that changes everything. Do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
They do that in rehab, like if you win in
for alcohol or drug rehab. They like day two, Ship
your Pants therapy. This is this is what our class
is going to be today. Guys, when was the last
time therapy?
Speaker 4 (33:19):
We're going to shoot ourselves. Ship your pants therapy.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
It's a bloody good idea because you just come right
down to the base.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You can right down to the bottom at rock bottom before.
You haven't hit rock bottom until you shot yourself.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Well okay, so ship said, we'd love to hear from you.
Slide into a Dam's Matt and Jerry Show on Instagram
and if you have chosen to shit your pants and
tell us how you're feeling, if you're feeling better.
Speaker 6 (33:44):
There's something about saying shit. Because I was thinking about
shitting the beard. But it's like shooting the beard is
shutting the bead is so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It is the description, it is the word, the way
you describe it. Worse than him. As someone says, you
share the beard. It's the worst that he shut the bed.
Speaker 6 (34:01):
I don't think shit your pants therapy should involve shitting
the beard. Now, that's too much fire trucking.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I've got a friend who was involved in a fire
trucking incident in his home recently, and he was quite
quick on his feet with his thinking fire truck the beard.
He woke up beside his wife and he said he
thought quickly, and he said, oh, you pissed the beard
and ran out and played golf all day.
Speaker 6 (34:26):
You know, I've heard the same story. That's a person
who's fire truck the bed a lot because they realized
in the past that they missed an opportunity. So I thought,
next time, I fire truck and they haven't. And it's
been such a short window between fire trucks that you
can remember the thought that you had at the end
of the last time that you should.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Have done who you pissed the beard and he got
out of him played golf all day.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Just one more hypothetical before we go the Notorious Pantsman
aka the Dirty pants Man.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
The dirty pants Man has to start it on Yes,
as the WE'B guy here at radio heardanching, he's back.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
He had a situation recently where he woke up in
the middle of the night, the Dirty pants Man thinking
that it was a thinking his give intellat his good
friends of ventilation, and it was a urinal.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
And so easy mistake to make.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
So we're purely talking about sober kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
It's got to alcohol doesn't really count. It's got it's
got to be sober. It's got to be sober. You
just got to unleash.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Ship your pants therapy. Yeah, you shop your pants and
then you're born again. It's kind of like being baptized.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It just strips away all that bullshit that you believe
about yourself, really and then you can start just to
piece your life together. And what is important, It is
pretty one of the most important things in life is
to not ship your pants man every every every minute,
every day, every hour. And like I'm going to start
doing posts on Instagram like people that have given up drinking.
(35:54):
It's one thousand days, You're on day six. You get
yourself a little coin. It's been a real yeah, coints,
it's been a real journey. But it is six days,
my bet. It is officially it's on Thursday, so it
is Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It's four days since I shaped
(36:17):
my pants. It's beautiful, man, good for you.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
But it is like getting baptized, because when you get baptized,
someone goes, oh Jesus, And when you ship your pen.
Speaker 6 (36:26):
It definitely would be saying, oh Jesus, So you're not
wearing the pants now those pants pens?
Speaker 4 (36:32):
Okay, So and he's gone, and he's gone.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
They're on the recycling.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yeah. Good. You don't think you're burying them in the garden.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
No, they're gone. Okay, they're gone. They've been recycled so
other people can use this.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I really hope that the people collecting the recycling look
through your bin and put a note on your bench.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
All right. That brings us to the end of the
Daily Bespoke podcast for the twenty second of January twenty
twenty four days since I last shaped my pants. We're
back in twenty twenty four. Oh that sucks. I can't
say that I didn't shit my pants in twenty twenty
four now, no, always be a year when I shaped
my pants next year. Lots of good stuff on the
other podcasts. Make make sure you sit to download, subscribe, follow,
(37:20):
et cetera. And we've got another Radio Highlights podcasts out
right now with even better material than that.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Oh yeah, happy with that.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
There's the first one of the year. How we want
to start the year?
Speaker 4 (37:31):
I don't know if we I think it's a good start.
Dead yeah, I really enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
All right, okay, enjoyed? Thank you. Hello, I'm Matt Heath.
You have been listening to the Matt and Jerry Daily
Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to our Radio
Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred up about anyway,
(37:59):
Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer, review all those great things.
It really helps myself and Jerry and to a lesser extent,
Mass and Ruder. If you want to discuss anything raised
in this pod, check out the Conclave, a Matt and
Jerry Facebook discussion group. And while I'm plugging stuff, my
book A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to Love the Life
You've Got is out now. Get it wherever you get
your books, or just google The bastard anyway you seem busy,
(38:22):
I'll let you go. Bless blessed, blessed. Give them a
taste of key we from me.
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