November 17, 2024 • 20 mins
Today on The UnNamed Podcast, ACC Head G Lane joins the boys to discuss an. evening he just spent hosting an event for the New Zealand Air Force...
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Weird rooms. Wee wee, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Not a nus.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You want to be alone? Backkday, Welcome along to the
Unnamed podcast. The Agent of November twenty twenty four, acc
hit g Lane joins us on the podcast. This Morning Morning,
Good Morning Morning, executive producer Ruder, fresh from a sixty
weekend with his partner.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Look, the whole thing wasn't sixty. There was some sickness
about it, but look, the whole thing wasn't six. It
was just a means of us coming together and having
that opportunity away from the children.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Man. She joins us as well, speaking of sixty weekends,
speaking of coming together anything else by now she's got
the drops it what's called the dropsy. Now I don't
have the drops here. It's a source throat. Yeah, drops
speaks beginning of drops. That's out. Stuff drops in with
something about soft skin or something like that, tight skin,
tight skin, fluid. You look like you're retaining a bit
(00:59):
of fluid. Wontaining some fluids. Jesus have you got looks
like your glands are up a bit like an ex lot,
you know, like those dragons that the angry dragons jokes,
As I used to would you know, do a lot
of stuff without taking a break. My glans would flew up. Usually.
(01:19):
Have you had glane before thieves? Yeah? Yeah, have you
had glane? Yeah? At the flange I've never had it,
never had it. No, I'm out. I don't know if
I don't think you don't have long COVID, do you?
That's the thing is long cop.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Okay, Hey, I got I got up for something quite
interesting last week that you guys might be interested in.
I went to flee down to Ohakia, uh For to
have a chat to the base down there, the Air
Force base.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
What would you be like? What would you be teaching
the Air Force? You like you were like this decision making? Decision? Okay,
that's and how decision making?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
How how good decisions and bad decisions have affected my
career in life? Probably more bad decisions than good ones.
But how I've learned from that interesting topic. Yeah, And
I talked to them about that, and to be fair,
it descended into me just telling the worst stories that
i've that I have.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Well, that's I guess that's the decisions that you've made.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And at one point I told the story of our
netball coverage when Sam Winders said, top five things about
going to the Mountain Mongino. He's getting finger blasted at
the Bahama Hut. And when I said the word finger
blasting at a military base a couple hundred people, I
could feel the oxygen came.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Out of the room. Yeah, you didn't think that maybe
that might happen before you said it. Talking of decisions,
it was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
A bad and I did say. I said, that was
a bad decision. I have to live with it, and
I've moved on. And then I got a very difficult
question from someone in the front and they said, why
you canceled from sky Wow? So I told them the
full story they end job story and everything. So that
was quite funny. But so I did that and they
then they are very friendly and like a great vibe
(03:03):
down I'm loving I went. I went a bit of
all the choppers in there and the hangars. We got
on one of the new Hercules. The new Hirks smells
like a new car.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It smells. It's guy like, I said, this smells like
a new car. You guys, you gotta go a new car.
And they're like, yeah, ships, you ever got a new car? Well,
it turns out you know what that smell is what glue? Ah,
there you go.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
It's glue because it's always like the upholster plastic upholstery
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, because it was.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It was anyway. We got to fly some simulators. I
flew in the Texan single seat of simulator. That was
good fun. I got to buzz wang and Nui like
down the river, followed the river of the Wanganui River up,
and then buzz the town.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It sounds like you were sort of doing a bit
of a nine to eleven vibe on what we go out,
follow the river down and then flight straight into Starr FM. Yeah,
what's the only building? You know?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
That was good and then they and then they killed
my engines back on the computer and I had to eject.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
It was good.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And then we flew the D ninety helicopter, which is
a beast of a helicopter.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
It can take twenty people. Did you have twenty people
in the simular?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
No, No, just just the single He was a very
patient man in the simular.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
How did you go on a chop because that's quite
an interesting thing. You've got the stick obviously, yeah, and
then you've got these the pedals and why do you
have a stick and pedal? What are they have a
steering wheel? Wow, because you've got because you can.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
You've got the basically you've got the up and down
which is the handbrake, you know, the handbrake type thing
that takes you up and down. Then you've got your
pedals moves the chopper left to right, and then the
joystick is up and down.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So I don't know why you just the joystick go
nose up and down. Yeah, okay, and then the and
then the hand thing is just straight elevation. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It takes a lot and it takes a lot, but
I was talking to you get used to it. It's
like anything, you get used to working all together. And
he took us for a bit of a hone around Wellington.
We landed back in Westpec a simulator three sixty. You're
in the slope basically dome three sixty screen. Yeah, as
real sick. And then we landed in Westpac Stadium again
an helicopter, this time in a military helicopter. And then
(04:58):
I landed on the back of the Canterbury which the
the frigate in the middle of the harbor.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It was fucking cool.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It's basically a gamers wet dream it's like about a
ten million dollars set up and as bucking also.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So the graphics were good. Yeah. Absolutely. Did you feel
like you were? Yeah, you were.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It was believable because when you got out of it,
you got it was a bit you're struggling to find
your feet, but it was. We really sat in the
cockpit of a real in ninety helicopter and it was
it's exactly the same. So next time you know, you're
in a spot of bother and we can we spot
a helicopter, I'll take you for a spin.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
You can actually got wouldn't get in the chopper with her? Well,
if someone has a heart attack, yeah, the chopper pilot
while you're in it, you can take at least you
can attempt to take over the control potentially. Yeah. I mean, look,
you wouldn't want to be in a helicopter with who
I imagine was down there, yeah he nah, No, you'd
be very very terrible coordination, very heavy landing.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
But we well, and after that we had dinner down there.
We had a very formal, formal dinner with the bog Rats,
and the bog Rats are all the junior flight trainees
or just graduate waited along with a few senior flight
lieutenants and you know, you can imagine the Navy, they're
all very came in their their finest for their formal dinner,
so the Air Force. So there was two Navy people
(06:12):
and it was the rest were Air Force. And you know,
we went to the bar beforehand and we got handed
some sherries, which I was like, do you sip this?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
We neck it and then what do you think? I said,
so I necked it that They were in very formal gear.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I was an acc jacket and a black tie, and
we said grace. We were sat in a kind of
a horseshoe thing was and I was sat next to Ready.
He was ahead of the Bograts Social Committee and he's
a flight lieutenant as well in the Chopper division.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Or something squadron. I can't remember watch one.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But it was all very formal, three course meals, sit down,
silver service came around with the wine. They filled my
one glass dangerously fell to the top and I was like, oh,
that's unusual.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then someone strolled over.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I called him Bigglesworth and in the end because couldn't
remember his name, but he looked like a biggles with
and he said, God saved the Queen, and he dropped
a tootle of.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Coin in my wine glass. That means you get a scallot.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, And I said, okay, I think I know what
to do here, and I so biffed the full glass
of rus full glass of red wine.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I know the rules.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And then I could see everyone else and it's very
funny in a very formal situation. There was some real
boarding school behavior going on, which I massively respect. And
then from then on everyone's putting their menus over the
top of their glasses while they're not attending. And then
if you leave your chair for some an extended period
of time, the chair gets removed. So I came back
from the toilet and my chair had been removed. So
(07:32):
from then on I found my chair out in the bar,
out in the garden bar brought it back, and then
from then on I had to take my chair with
me to go wheeze. And I went into the toilet
and there's three other dudes with their cheers dragging behind
them doing wheeze in the hero it's great stuff anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Is it because someone's pranking?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, it says constant pranks stage a ginger cat appeared
a someone came in a flight suit and dropped a
ginger poss in the middle of the room.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
So there's a cat running around. I'm like, what the
fugger's going? Wow? Great?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
There was great stuff, and then the port comes out,
and then port's very The pouring of the port is
very serious because that's remembering those who have fallen and
gone the past and stuff. So that's all very serious.
But then the drinking games begin again with the coins
in the bottom. And at some stage I had two
beckets of tim Tams inside of my jacket and I
was dealing tim Tams and throwing coins.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
And you should be and you should be, and I
should be in the armed forces. You should be in.
The armed forces were made for you, I know. Yeah,
apart from the authority part of it, Yeah, that's it.
And you just struggle with the actual fighting party and
the actual respecting authority, getting told what to do by
people who in the superiors and that you never would have. Yeah,
that's an issue. And just that boarding school vibe suits
(08:42):
great fun. It was.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I had a great time and they were all very friendly,
up for a good time, and that's when I woke
up in the morning with someone's formal jacket which is
in the ACC studio. So someone at the Air Force
down and hockey has an ACCA jacket and I have
got all his medals on it as well.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I should probably give it back.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Brandon was his name, and he was the man that
he got me with the coin and I I got
done four times. So luckily I changed the beer, so
it was three handles of beer and a ball glass
of wine. Anyway, I got him back at the bar
because he didn't know I had the coin, and he
was negotiating a quadruple rum and coke and a pint
glass with ballad. And he was so proud of himself
(09:19):
that he should go, you should try it. It's very delicious.
And I went, yeah, I'll try it, and I think
pop and he a little tear came.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Out of his eye.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, and game yeah, and then he had to That's
when I ended up in his jacket.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
He ended up in mine. Matt, he'th got done and
once hang on, did you make love with them? No?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
He got done once with the coin for the queen
and yeah, not a great effort from him.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Oh really, were you cocky? Monster?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It was a glass of red wine as well. Yeah, okay,
it was like there's been a lot of decion about that.
Talked to you about that, No, did you see that?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I did see it because I was called out in
the video saying, you know, Dylane's not here, but you
know the rules everyone, and then.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Just miss you and yeah, and I it was a
nice message, and you struggled, looks.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Like and I just commented, I've never been less proud
of you.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, you're not the only one. As it turns out,
Joe Wheeler was was actually he was. He was angry,
he was pissed off. He was he was pissed off.
The thing that upset him was not the pace at
wish which Mesh drunk that particular point, but it was
the fact that most of it ended up down on top.
(10:33):
And his thing was, look, if you can't, if you
can't drink it fast, that's fine. Not everybody can. Some
people's physically their throats just not capable of you know,
just they've got what's called pussy throat. But clearly meshed that.
But but it's more the fact that it ends up
down on the ground. He said, there's just no excuse
that is.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Can I just say as well, I mean a huge
high five to and then to his pantsman Joel Harrison,
who refused to take microphones to that event. Little lapel mics,
so he made you shout at every which I thought
was a nice touch from him. He sound twice three times,
(11:15):
ten times is wasted when you shout, So unless unless
you had at lapel mic you went hey here at.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Mentally that in his defense, he reckons that that was
being number what seven, that you had to skull there
being number seven? Welcome in my world, but a professional
understands get the videos out of the way early, ye
just say being number seven? Yeah, oh Jesus, oh really
fuck no? Being number three? Was it first one? First one? Yeah? Hey?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
At this formal dinner as well, it was quite funny
because I was discussing some terrible stuff with the two
gentlemen next to me. Was late and it was Cody
that was it was ready and you know, very wide
range topics we were talking about. And then I noticed
that at the end of the room they had a
big picture of the Queen, which is you know, taking
center stage, being you know, the head of state, and
(12:09):
but then on the side there was the Duke of Edinburgh.
He was a picture of him, and then there was
a rather creepy picture of Prince Charles kind of lean
back on a chair with his arm up, his legs crossed,
and I was like, what's the story, guys? You need
to get rid of queen. I hate to say that
Queen's dead. You got to God save the king. You
got to put the king up there. So would you
mind if I if I just took the queen and
(12:30):
I'll swap it with with Prince. What's he King? Charles
will put the King up there? And it's like I
had just shat in the middle of the room. There's
silence that I don't touch the Queen. I was like, okay,
but you realize she's not the queen anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
It's the King. I'll swap it. They love the queen.
I don't Knowice.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It's a rumor, but I hear the Defense force are
not heavy about King Charles.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Interesting. I mean I get that because of years and
years and years you talk about the queen and the
queen was great New Zealander. Yeah, you know she was.
She really was a great New Zealander. I also repeated
your line, great wreck and then they didn't get on
well either, really, but that's a compliment. Yeah, I know,
the same about the queen. They love the queen not
so much. Yeah, yeah, that is not the same. Yeah,
(13:18):
I know. It's so hard to work for someone that's
been involved in the tamp gate that wasn't it a Yeah,
that's right. They wanted to be a tampon, didn't they.
You did? I want to be your tampon. We'll be
back in just a moment. Oh god, it's not a news.
You want to be alone. Welcome back. So in a nutshell,
I'm going to join the Air Force.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, age of forty six, I'm going to join the
Air Force become an officer.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Oh you yeah. But as I said, the problem is
if you could be an officer straight away, that'll be fine.
But you can't be you can work your way out, mate,
You've got to be told what to do. They'll do
things like lack my boat, boy, leck my boat, and
you'll be like, fuck you you're out, You're gone. Can
we do you have what it takes?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Can you do some sort of honorary thing? Because can
you go in there like a doctor?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Great, dare you?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I can't look I want some stolen valor? Okay, how
dare you give me some stolen valor?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I actually had a jacket, a jacket that I bought
from the Army surplus store on K Road, and it's
an Air Force jacket and I wore it on TV.
It's not right, and I got I got three people
that wrote in and said, howdare you stolen valor? How
dare you wear that jacket? Someone's earned that jacket and
you've worn it and you've you've stolen the vllor And
I said, no, I haven't. Have you seen the jacket
(14:36):
I've got.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, it's got all his medals and service medals.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
That's probably still I should probably send that back. I
think you should. I totally think you should. Yeah. This one,
this one was just had the wings yeah on the
side of it. This is one of the ones that's
kind of short breasted at the top, you know, it's.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Got the yeah, the tail kind of vibe. Yeah, and
it's got his service medal. Is a crunchy bar there.
There's a helicopter so one of the squadrons.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, Okay, did you notice that all of
the people are all kind of the same personality.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, we've got the similar haircuts.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Because we used to play against the Air Force. In fact,
I got my first ever and only Royal Imperial Golden
Duck against the against the Air Force at the Air
Force base and Vanilapai yep yep. And I was chatting
to them afterwards, A good bunch of guys because they
have you, you know, you can hang out there. And
we had some drinks at the Air Force bar there
afterwards and they said to me, we're all I said, oh, so,
(15:39):
you know, explaining the housing situation and the fact that
all their families hung out and stuff. And they said,
it's amazing because because we have to do personality tests
to get into the Air Force, we're all the same
kind of people, so we all like the same sorts
of stuff. And that's how services work. They put people
together who have something in common because in the heat
of battle, you need to know that other people think
(16:01):
like you.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Okay, well, I'm saying that they were all very very nice.
Check they had like a small twinkle in their eye though,
like something was up.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
No, No, I don't think anyone was doing that, to
be honest, Okay, not anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Nothing wrong with that. But I never got that vibe.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Okay, I just got a vibe of something else was up,
like they put hipmanol on my drink or something or
you know. Yeah, after that, I did leave my door
open in the officer's accommodation, but no invites.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Well not, but you knew, just he who.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Couldn't quite get the concept that there was a shared bathroom,
and he opened up his wardrobe and hopped them to go.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Poose had to quickly get him out of there and
take him to the Oh, he was in the wrong.
He was going in his closet. That's not the first
time that's happened.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Well, he thought it was lightly so he thought it
was a toilet.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
That's yeah, that's happened plenty of times before. But no,
it was great.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
They did a great maneuver and we flew down on
the King, which is a twin prop plane, but it's
a vip plane. Often the Prime Minister and stuff goes
around and he's got nine seats inside it, and we
did a buzz and break and they got on the
coms and said, we're going to do a bit of
a buzz and break through here and there are other
people on the plane because we were just hitching a lift.
(17:17):
So there are other officials from the Air Force on
the plane and we're like, what the fuck there's a
buzz and break And they're like, oh, it's a wave
slown down if you're coming in at high speed.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So they'll probably they'll go low over the.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Runway at about four hundred colmeters an hour, then put
the brakes on and go up and bear up and
then land the plane.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I'm like, is that normally a normal thing?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Yeah, it's pretty normal.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
It's it's fine. It's like it's anover they have to practice,
blah blah blah. And I was like, okay, sure enough. Down,
like just off the runway and then just put on
the break at the end, like almost like a handbrake turn,
then come around and land it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Oh cool, that was pretty cool. Cool.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, so it's going good weather conditions, Yeah, great with
buzz and break, And I'd like I compared it. I said,
I'm going to use that to them next time I
go to a party. I'm going to go through the party.
I'm going to buzz the party, look for who I
want to hang out with, and then I'll put the
brake on and I'll come back into the party and
I'll land where I want to.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So I'm gonna buzz and break. There's something as well
about flying with the Air Force people. They don't crash. Yeah,
they are really good, like they practice lots and they
do practice difficult things, so you kind of feel like
you know that the maintenance of those craft will be amazing. Yeah,
I don't know. I'd feel very very safe flying with any.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Mind Force guy micros second where I was like squeaky
bum I started to get squaky paths. I think it
was when the when they first started to turn the
kind of geez put you into your seat, right, Okay,
you don't really feel this in a domestic ATR.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It's an interesting Yeah, interesting they pulled that minute.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Doesn't break, but it's quite apparently quite common. And on
the way home we're like any change of another buzz
and break and trouble there was the weather conditions were aroundous.
He goes no chance, sorry, no chance. So every time
I'm going to get onto an ATR, if you get
onto an ATR New Zealand Painter, ever, just lean in
and go chance to a buzz and break.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Turns out they can do more things than what you think.
Those planes like, they're quite like the old A three twenties.
She's a powerful machine like they can maneuver. They're really maneuverable.
The old seven three seven used to be able to
do crazy things. But of course I can't get funky yet. Yeah,
so you want to get too funky on it. Yeah
all right, Well thanks for coming in, g Lane.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
No worries, Yeah, no, my pleasure. I think I'm in
on Friday. I'm spit roasting you again. Oh okay, the
Monday to Friday. And I think you've got the meat worker.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I got the former South Island meat working'm a nice show.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, and potentially I think he may have the North Island.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Was going to say sex worker, but she's not. She's
a sex therapist, Morgan Morgan pen Yeah, she was a
real breath of fresh air last week. I'm sure she was.
I'm sure she really was. She said some interesting things
about you. She seems to know quite a lot about you.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Yeah, so you're going to be sandwiching Morgan m and
I this week.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, I thought there's obviously there's no patient to confiicality.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I know she she she was pretty vague on the details.
There was a twinkle in her eye.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It's probably that cross dressing phase I went through down
and Wellington.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Oh yeah, that's all good, all right. Hello,
Weird rooms. Wee wee, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Not a nus.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You want to be alone? Backkday, Welcome along to the
Unnamed podcast. The Agent of November twenty twenty four, acc
hit g Lane joins us on the podcast. This Morning Morning,
Good Morning Morning, executive producer Ruder, fresh from a sixty
weekend with his partner.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Look, the whole thing wasn't sixty. There was some sickness
about it, but look, the whole thing wasn't six. It
was just a means of us coming together and having
that opportunity away from the children.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Man. She joins us as well, speaking of sixty weekends,
speaking of coming together anything else by now she's got
the drops it what's called the dropsy. Now I don't
have the drops here. It's a source throat. Yeah, drops
speaks beginning of drops. That's out. Stuff drops in with
something about soft skin or something like that, tight skin,
tight skin, fluid. You look like you're retaining a bit
(00:59):
of fluid. Wontaining some fluids. Jesus have you got looks
like your glands are up a bit like an ex lot,
you know, like those dragons that the angry dragons jokes,
As I used to would you know, do a lot
of stuff without taking a break. My glans would flew up. Usually.
(01:19):
Have you had glane before thieves? Yeah? Yeah, have you
had glane? Yeah? At the flange I've never had it,
never had it. No, I'm out. I don't know if
I don't think you don't have long COVID, do you?
That's the thing is long cop.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Okay, Hey, I got I got up for something quite
interesting last week that you guys might be interested in.
I went to flee down to Ohakia, uh For to
have a chat to the base down there, the Air
Force base.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
What would you be like? What would you be teaching
the Air Force? You like you were like this decision making? Decision? Okay,
that's and how decision making?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
How how good decisions and bad decisions have affected my
career in life? Probably more bad decisions than good ones.
But how I've learned from that interesting topic. Yeah, And
I talked to them about that, and to be fair,
it descended into me just telling the worst stories that
i've that I have.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Well, that's I guess that's the decisions that you've made.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And at one point I told the story of our
netball coverage when Sam Winders said, top five things about
going to the Mountain Mongino. He's getting finger blasted at
the Bahama Hut. And when I said the word finger
blasting at a military base a couple hundred people, I
could feel the oxygen came.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Out of the room. Yeah, you didn't think that maybe
that might happen before you said it. Talking of decisions,
it was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
A bad and I did say. I said, that was
a bad decision. I have to live with it, and
I've moved on. And then I got a very difficult
question from someone in the front and they said, why
you canceled from sky Wow? So I told them the
full story they end job story and everything. So that
was quite funny. But so I did that and they
then they are very friendly and like a great vibe
(03:03):
down I'm loving I went. I went a bit of
all the choppers in there and the hangars. We got
on one of the new Hercules. The new Hirks smells
like a new car.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It smells. It's guy like, I said, this smells like
a new car. You guys, you gotta go a new car.
And they're like, yeah, ships, you ever got a new car? Well,
it turns out you know what that smell is what glue? Ah,
there you go.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
It's glue because it's always like the upholster plastic upholstery
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, because it was.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It was anyway. We got to fly some simulators. I
flew in the Texan single seat of simulator. That was
good fun. I got to buzz wang and Nui like
down the river, followed the river of the Wanganui River up,
and then buzz the town.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It sounds like you were sort of doing a bit
of a nine to eleven vibe on what we go out,
follow the river down and then flight straight into Starr FM. Yeah,
what's the only building? You know?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
That was good and then they and then they killed
my engines back on the computer and I had to eject.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
It was good.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And then we flew the D ninety helicopter, which is
a beast of a helicopter.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
It can take twenty people. Did you have twenty people
in the simular?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
No, No, just just the single He was a very
patient man in the simular.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
How did you go on a chop because that's quite
an interesting thing. You've got the stick obviously, yeah, and
then you've got these the pedals and why do you
have a stick and pedal? What are they have a
steering wheel? Wow, because you've got because you can.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
You've got the basically you've got the up and down
which is the handbrake, you know, the handbrake type thing
that takes you up and down. Then you've got your
pedals moves the chopper left to right, and then the
joystick is up and down.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So I don't know why you just the joystick go
nose up and down. Yeah, okay, and then the and
then the hand thing is just straight elevation. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It takes a lot and it takes a lot, but
I was talking to you get used to it. It's
like anything, you get used to working all together. And
he took us for a bit of a hone around Wellington.
We landed back in Westpec a simulator three sixty. You're
in the slope basically dome three sixty screen. Yeah, as
real sick. And then we landed in Westpac Stadium again
an helicopter, this time in a military helicopter. And then
(04:58):
I landed on the back of the Canterbury which the
the frigate in the middle of the harbor.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It was fucking cool.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It's basically a gamers wet dream it's like about a
ten million dollars set up and as bucking also.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So the graphics were good. Yeah. Absolutely. Did you feel
like you were? Yeah, you were.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It was believable because when you got out of it,
you got it was a bit you're struggling to find
your feet, but it was. We really sat in the
cockpit of a real in ninety helicopter and it was
it's exactly the same. So next time you know, you're
in a spot of bother and we can we spot
a helicopter, I'll take you for a spin.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
You can actually got wouldn't get in the chopper with her? Well,
if someone has a heart attack, yeah, the chopper pilot
while you're in it, you can take at least you
can attempt to take over the control potentially. Yeah. I mean, look,
you wouldn't want to be in a helicopter with who
I imagine was down there, yeah he nah, No, you'd
be very very terrible coordination, very heavy landing.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
But we well, and after that we had dinner down there.
We had a very formal, formal dinner with the bog Rats,
and the bog Rats are all the junior flight trainees
or just graduate waited along with a few senior flight
lieutenants and you know, you can imagine the Navy, they're
all very came in their their finest for their formal dinner,
so the Air Force. So there was two Navy people
(06:12):
and it was the rest were Air Force. And you know,
we went to the bar beforehand and we got handed
some sherries, which I was like, do you sip this?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
We neck it and then what do you think? I said,
so I necked it that They were in very formal gear.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I was an acc jacket and a black tie, and
we said grace. We were sat in a kind of
a horseshoe thing was and I was sat next to Ready.
He was ahead of the Bograts Social Committee and he's
a flight lieutenant as well in the Chopper division.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Or something squadron. I can't remember watch one.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But it was all very formal, three course meals, sit down,
silver service came around with the wine. They filled my
one glass dangerously fell to the top and I was like, oh,
that's unusual.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then someone strolled over.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I called him Bigglesworth and in the end because couldn't
remember his name, but he looked like a biggles with
and he said, God saved the Queen, and he dropped
a tootle of.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Coin in my wine glass. That means you get a scallot.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, And I said, okay, I think I know what
to do here, and I so biffed the full glass
of rus full glass of red wine.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I know the rules.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And then I could see everyone else and it's very
funny in a very formal situation. There was some real
boarding school behavior going on, which I massively respect. And
then from then on everyone's putting their menus over the
top of their glasses while they're not attending. And then
if you leave your chair for some an extended period
of time, the chair gets removed. So I came back
from the toilet and my chair had been removed. So
(07:32):
from then on I found my chair out in the bar,
out in the garden bar brought it back, and then
from then on I had to take my chair with
me to go wheeze. And I went into the toilet
and there's three other dudes with their cheers dragging behind
them doing wheeze in the hero it's great stuff anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Is it because someone's pranking?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, it says constant pranks stage a ginger cat appeared
a someone came in a flight suit and dropped a
ginger poss in the middle of the room.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
So there's a cat running around. I'm like, what the
fugger's going? Wow? Great?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
There was great stuff, and then the port comes out,
and then port's very The pouring of the port is
very serious because that's remembering those who have fallen and
gone the past and stuff. So that's all very serious.
But then the drinking games begin again with the coins
in the bottom. And at some stage I had two
beckets of tim Tams inside of my jacket and I
was dealing tim Tams and throwing coins.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
And you should be and you should be, and I
should be in the armed forces. You should be in.
The armed forces were made for you, I know. Yeah,
apart from the authority part of it, Yeah, that's it.
And you just struggle with the actual fighting party and
the actual respecting authority, getting told what to do by
people who in the superiors and that you never would have. Yeah,
that's an issue. And just that boarding school vibe suits
(08:42):
great fun. It was.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I had a great time and they were all very friendly,
up for a good time, and that's when I woke
up in the morning with someone's formal jacket which is
in the ACC studio. So someone at the Air Force
down and hockey has an ACCA jacket and I have
got all his medals on it as well.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I should probably give it back.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Brandon was his name, and he was the man that
he got me with the coin and I I got
done four times. So luckily I changed the beer, so
it was three handles of beer and a ball glass
of wine. Anyway, I got him back at the bar
because he didn't know I had the coin, and he
was negotiating a quadruple rum and coke and a pint
glass with ballad. And he was so proud of himself
(09:19):
that he should go, you should try it. It's very delicious.
And I went, yeah, I'll try it, and I think
pop and he a little tear came.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Out of his eye.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, and game yeah, and then he had to That's
when I ended up in his jacket.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
He ended up in mine. Matt, he'th got done and
once hang on, did you make love with them? No?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
He got done once with the coin for the queen
and yeah, not a great effort from him.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Oh really, were you cocky? Monster?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It was a glass of red wine as well. Yeah, okay,
it was like there's been a lot of decion about that.
Talked to you about that, No, did you see that?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I did see it because I was called out in
the video saying, you know, Dylane's not here, but you
know the rules everyone, and then.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Just miss you and yeah, and I it was a
nice message, and you struggled, looks.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Like and I just commented, I've never been less proud
of you.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, you're not the only one. As it turns out,
Joe Wheeler was was actually he was. He was angry,
he was pissed off. He was he was pissed off.
The thing that upset him was not the pace at
wish which Mesh drunk that particular point, but it was
the fact that most of it ended up down on top.
(10:33):
And his thing was, look, if you can't, if you
can't drink it fast, that's fine. Not everybody can. Some
people's physically their throats just not capable of you know,
just they've got what's called pussy throat. But clearly meshed that.
But but it's more the fact that it ends up
down on the ground. He said, there's just no excuse
that is.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Can I just say as well, I mean a huge
high five to and then to his pantsman Joel Harrison,
who refused to take microphones to that event. Little lapel mics,
so he made you shout at every which I thought
was a nice touch from him. He sound twice three times,
(11:15):
ten times is wasted when you shout, So unless unless
you had at lapel mic you went hey here at.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Mentally that in his defense, he reckons that that was
being number what seven, that you had to skull there
being number seven? Welcome in my world, but a professional
understands get the videos out of the way early, ye
just say being number seven? Yeah, oh Jesus, oh really
fuck no? Being number three? Was it first one? First one? Yeah? Hey?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
At this formal dinner as well, it was quite funny
because I was discussing some terrible stuff with the two
gentlemen next to me. Was late and it was Cody
that was it was ready and you know, very wide
range topics we were talking about. And then I noticed
that at the end of the room they had a
big picture of the Queen, which is you know, taking
center stage, being you know, the head of state, and
(12:09):
but then on the side there was the Duke of Edinburgh.
He was a picture of him, and then there was
a rather creepy picture of Prince Charles kind of lean
back on a chair with his arm up, his legs crossed,
and I was like, what's the story, guys? You need
to get rid of queen. I hate to say that
Queen's dead. You got to God save the king. You
got to put the king up there. So would you
mind if I if I just took the queen and
(12:30):
I'll swap it with with Prince. What's he King? Charles
will put the King up there? And it's like I
had just shat in the middle of the room. There's
silence that I don't touch the Queen. I was like, okay,
but you realize she's not the queen anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
It's the King. I'll swap it. They love the queen.
I don't Knowice.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
It's a rumor, but I hear the Defense force are
not heavy about King Charles.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Interesting. I mean I get that because of years and
years and years you talk about the queen and the
queen was great New Zealander. Yeah, you know she was.
She really was a great New Zealander. I also repeated
your line, great wreck and then they didn't get on
well either, really, but that's a compliment. Yeah, I know,
the same about the queen. They love the queen not
so much. Yeah, yeah, that is not the same. Yeah,
(13:18):
I know. It's so hard to work for someone that's
been involved in the tamp gate that wasn't it a Yeah,
that's right. They wanted to be a tampon, didn't they.
You did? I want to be your tampon. We'll be
back in just a moment. Oh god, it's not a news.
You want to be alone. Welcome back. So in a nutshell,
I'm going to join the Air Force.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, age of forty six, I'm going to join the
Air Force become an officer.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Oh you yeah. But as I said, the problem is
if you could be an officer straight away, that'll be fine.
But you can't be you can work your way out, mate,
You've got to be told what to do. They'll do
things like lack my boat, boy, leck my boat, and
you'll be like, fuck you you're out, You're gone. Can
we do you have what it takes?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Can you do some sort of honorary thing? Because can
you go in there like a doctor?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Great, dare you?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I can't look I want some stolen valor? Okay, how
dare you give me some stolen valor?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I actually had a jacket, a jacket that I bought
from the Army surplus store on K Road, and it's
an Air Force jacket and I wore it on TV.
It's not right, and I got I got three people
that wrote in and said, howdare you stolen valor? How
dare you wear that jacket? Someone's earned that jacket and
you've worn it and you've you've stolen the vllor And
I said, no, I haven't. Have you seen the jacket
(14:36):
I've got.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, it's got all his medals and service medals.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
That's probably still I should probably send that back. I
think you should. I totally think you should. Yeah. This one,
this one was just had the wings yeah on the
side of it. This is one of the ones that's
kind of short breasted at the top, you know, it's.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Got the yeah, the tail kind of vibe. Yeah, and
it's got his service medal. Is a crunchy bar there.
There's a helicopter so one of the squadrons.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, Okay, did you notice that all of
the people are all kind of the same personality.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, we've got the similar haircuts.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Because we used to play against the Air Force. In fact,
I got my first ever and only Royal Imperial Golden
Duck against the against the Air Force at the Air
Force base and Vanilapai yep yep. And I was chatting
to them afterwards, A good bunch of guys because they
have you, you know, you can hang out there. And
we had some drinks at the Air Force bar there
afterwards and they said to me, we're all I said, oh, so,
(15:39):
you know, explaining the housing situation and the fact that
all their families hung out and stuff. And they said,
it's amazing because because we have to do personality tests
to get into the Air Force, we're all the same
kind of people, so we all like the same sorts
of stuff. And that's how services work. They put people
together who have something in common because in the heat
of battle, you need to know that other people think
(16:01):
like you.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Okay, well, I'm saying that they were all very very nice.
Check they had like a small twinkle in their eye though,
like something was up.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
No, No, I don't think anyone was doing that, to
be honest, Okay, not anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Nothing wrong with that. But I never got that vibe.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Okay, I just got a vibe of something else was up,
like they put hipmanol on my drink or something or
you know. Yeah, after that, I did leave my door
open in the officer's accommodation, but no invites.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Well not, but you knew, just he who.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Couldn't quite get the concept that there was a shared bathroom,
and he opened up his wardrobe and hopped them to go.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Poose had to quickly get him out of there and
take him to the Oh, he was in the wrong.
He was going in his closet. That's not the first
time that's happened.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Well, he thought it was lightly so he thought it
was a toilet.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
That's yeah, that's happened plenty of times before. But no,
it was great.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
They did a great maneuver and we flew down on
the King, which is a twin prop plane, but it's
a vip plane. Often the Prime Minister and stuff goes
around and he's got nine seats inside it, and we
did a buzz and break and they got on the
coms and said, we're going to do a bit of
a buzz and break through here and there are other
people on the plane because we were just hitching a lift.
(17:17):
So there are other officials from the Air Force on
the plane and we're like, what the fuck there's a
buzz and break And they're like, oh, it's a wave
slown down if you're coming in at high speed.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So they'll probably they'll go low over the.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Runway at about four hundred colmeters an hour, then put
the brakes on and go up and bear up and
then land the plane.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I'm like, is that normally a normal thing?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Yeah, it's pretty normal.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
It's it's fine. It's like it's anover they have to practice,
blah blah blah. And I was like, okay, sure enough. Down,
like just off the runway and then just put on
the break at the end, like almost like a handbrake turn,
then come around and land it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Oh cool, that was pretty cool. Cool.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, so it's going good weather conditions, Yeah, great with
buzz and break, And I'd like I compared it. I said,
I'm going to use that to them next time I
go to a party. I'm going to go through the party.
I'm going to buzz the party, look for who I
want to hang out with, and then I'll put the
brake on and I'll come back into the party and
I'll land where I want to.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So I'm gonna buzz and break. There's something as well
about flying with the Air Force people. They don't crash. Yeah,
they are really good, like they practice lots and they
do practice difficult things, so you kind of feel like
you know that the maintenance of those craft will be amazing. Yeah,
I don't know. I'd feel very very safe flying with any.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Mind Force guy micros second where I was like squeaky
bum I started to get squaky paths. I think it
was when the when they first started to turn the
kind of geez put you into your seat, right, Okay,
you don't really feel this in a domestic ATR.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It's an interesting Yeah, interesting they pulled that minute.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Doesn't break, but it's quite apparently quite common. And on
the way home we're like any change of another buzz
and break and trouble there was the weather conditions were aroundous.
He goes no chance, sorry, no chance. So every time
I'm going to get onto an ATR, if you get
onto an ATR New Zealand Painter, ever, just lean in
and go chance to a buzz and break.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Turns out they can do more things than what you think.
Those planes like, they're quite like the old A three twenties.
She's a powerful machine like they can maneuver. They're really maneuverable.
The old seven three seven used to be able to
do crazy things. But of course I can't get funky yet. Yeah,
so you want to get too funky on it. Yeah
all right, Well thanks for coming in, g Lane.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
No worries, Yeah, no, my pleasure. I think I'm in
on Friday. I'm spit roasting you again. Oh okay, the
Monday to Friday. And I think you've got the meat worker.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I got the former South Island meat working'm a nice show.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, and potentially I think he may have the North Island.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Was going to say sex worker, but she's not. She's
a sex therapist, Morgan Morgan pen Yeah, she was a
real breath of fresh air last week. I'm sure she was.
I'm sure she really was. She said some interesting things
about you. She seems to know quite a lot about you.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Yeah, so you're going to be sandwiching Morgan m and
I this week.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, I thought there's obviously there's no patient to confiicality.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I know she she she was pretty vague on the details.
There was a twinkle in her eye.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It's probably that cross dressing phase I went through down
and Wellington.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Oh yeah, that's all good, all right. Hello,
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