October 21, 2025 • 21 mins
Jeremy Wells, ACC Head G Lane, and Executive Producer Rooda join forces Voltron style to talk through bumper stickers!
But everything goes more than slightly astray.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Get a It's diary here from the Headachey Breakfast. Just
letting you know that if you're listening to the podcast
but didn't know that we also do a live radio show,
really we do. And if you're wondering how to find
out what frequency to listen to us in your area,
just takes North or South as an Island to three
four eight three.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So he taxts Ireland to know.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Let's get on with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Do you text Ireland to three four three two, not
Ireland like I R E L A M D. So
he takes North as in the island.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Yes, just so if you just go onto your phone
now on.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Your phone, okay and text Ireland No.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
No, no, no no, so three four eight three yep
three four eight three.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay Ireland North Island, North or South Jiland North Island.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I'll still pick it up though, just picks up the
first keyword I think, no, don't South And what does
it do? It sends you the frequencies Okay, Oh yeah,
no it did for me. No, it just to check
out the Breakfast podcast. I don't think it works.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Lenham ninety eight point five, Nelson ninety point four, Christ
Hits one O six you need ninety five point eight,
that's good. One south of ninety three point two one
OCA ninety seven, Oh yep, West Coast eighty nine point
three and one hundred and five point one.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Jesus's eighty seven point eight?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Is that even a thing?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I think it's Is that a low power frequent? That
sounds like a community frequency?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
It's low power. They gave our one to ZIDB.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, Nelson's a good one. Ninety point four.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, totng is good ninety one. Fim stuck on that, zidim.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, Christ each one oh six point five seems a
bit odd.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, that's quite high.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Does it matter though, I don't know, not anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I don't think so. I don't think it matters anymore.
It used to matter when you flick around, yeah, but
nowadays you'd be top of the Nowadays it's all just
pre anyway, the.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Pre sets a presepts are coming to your iHeart radio
App's right, So if you do listen on iHeart Radio,
you can pre set radio herd Achy and you can
pre set this podcast. So you just had it at
the tops. You had to fuck around every time like
your radio. It's coming a couple of weeks actually year,
next wee.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, apparently you guys are gonna have to make a
video of it next week when when I gets back
game change its explaining it. But then you're also not
allowed to call it iHeart radio anymore. It's going to
be I hat. Yeah, it's just iHeart makes sense.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
It's not a radio no, but it wasn't start. You
needed to explain to people that it was a radio
function that played audio. You don't need anything.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
iHeart. It doesn't mean anything, is it not? Really? I
hate cock.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I once I once got a bumper sticker and stuck
it on a mate's car. Said, I love cock. A
heart cock so mature, but it's so fucking funny. It
was chucky in I came around for barbecue and I
distracted him and went down to his like red toyota
and I sucked this massive sticker on his bumper sticker
just said I love cock. Took him ten days to
(03:11):
discover it.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
He said, he doesn't discover it through ron him. They'll do.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
He said that you got a lot of toots. I
bet he did a lot of toots. And then immediately
when he discovered the I Love Cock sticker on the back.
He obviously set up a grinder. He knew exactly who
it was, and he just seen me message saying fuck you.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah. I was like, yeah, that would be right.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So maybe we should bring.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
A long line of things that you've done to chuck
your hens all over the years.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Still friends though.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah, it's a great, great New Zealander. He enjoys it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, maybe we should bring back the bumper stick And
then I Love Cock Radio heard listen to listen to iHeart.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I wasn't your head turner, because what else.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Can you put on a bumper stick of it? I mean,
I saw a bumper sticker the other day. I don't
know if you saw it. I put it on my Instagram,
Oh my story, and it was a bumper I was
having coffee at like Sex City in the morning whatever,
went for a walk in the cafe and a car
pulled up and it says, don't tut I'll come see
(04:13):
you in Yes, yeah, I'll show you the picture.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
What does that? What what does that mean? Exactly?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It says, don't honk it me, Oh, come smiling face.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Right. So I'm just trying to decipher what that actually?
I mean it's funny, so it's what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Also, what a sad face after come?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
When you like, yeah, that's true, she has a sad face.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It's like, but it's time you do have a sad
face after you?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
You guys, is that before you ring your mum?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Jar?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
That's well what you do is you you? What is?
It was a c c wasn't it was? It was apologize,
cattle cry and then cry.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, there's I mean, there's a level because it's such
a you reach that you're high and then you just
reached such a love afterwards. That's why.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I mean, it's like nothing's going to be that good
for a while.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That's why. That's why you get that angst.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And that we didn't you once call your mum and say, mummy,
I did a come after it.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I'm sure you've said that on this very podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
That kind of thing you'd say, No, no, I would.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Not say that to Mama ruder. She would not want
to know. Oh maybe in wedlock she'd want to know,
but out of wedlock she would be very angry if
I called her to tell you that.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, I mean the only sexual conversation I've ever had
with my mum is when she found a condom inside
my brown I can still remember it wallet when I
was fifth unused, unused. I just had one in there.
That's good and I hope that maybe it might happen.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
It's got a witness.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Well that's what you think, and that's what I thought.
I thought, Yeah, you know, it's not like finding weed
and your socked or anything like that, which she found
at that point, So I mean, there's nothing illegal about it.
But anyway, she she why she was sleeeping through my wallet.
Who knows, but she was. And then she got it
out and she said, now we need to talk about
this and I said I said. She goes, why have
(06:19):
you got a condo? I said, we'll just practice save
six just in case. And she said, so are you
in a relationship at the moment and I said no.
And she said, so you would have six with someone
the first time you met them? Hell are yeah, well
fifteen you would. I'm not going to say yes. I
was like, I'm not necessarily and she goes, well, why
(06:40):
do you have it? Then I said, oh no, no, no,
just in case, and she goes, you do know that
this is not going to actually product. This doesn't protict
you from all sixty transmit diseases. You can still get
her pies for example. I was like, oh really, I
didn't actually know that neither. And yeah, because you got
around the bat you get yeah, yeah, round the base
of you.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
You know, what are you going to say? Around the bays?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
And that was the end of that. So that was
the only sexual conversation I ever had of there and
never had one. I never had one since or before
or it's interesting. Yeah, I imagine Sue Lane, there would
have been a number of sexual conversations.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I mean, look, we practiced on the bananas. What's Sue
Lane just with putting the putting the franger on?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Was? What was she helping you just it's almost.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Like a craft session in school holidays.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
She was a teacher. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Interestingly, someone in the office out here she thought that
she had no idea. She's got no idea when she
was a teenager out what six was. And she thought
the balls went in as well.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Got a person new Weeks in the office. Can you
mouth their name?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Okay Britain? Yeah, balls there she thought all the balls
winning as well?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
What just on? You just jam it all in there
and it does what it needs to do, and then
you pull it all out again.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
The parks in their back wheels and all.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Beg is it well? I thought as a kid that
at some point someone was gonna I knew that the
I knew that the penis went inside the vagina. Yeah,
because I you'd watched port I think my mum and
dad had, so I maybe made that up. There's the
only sexual conversation. Maybe there was another one there that
described how you have sex you block it out there.
So I knew that the penis went inside of the vagina.
(08:27):
That was all good. And one of my friends, I
think it, had had that book Where do I come from?
So that's all fine when a mommy and daddy love
each other, Oh yes, me yeah, yeah. And then but
then I didn't know how long or what. I didn't
know about anything else. So I thought I knew that
that happened. But then I thought there was going to
be at some points the Birds and the Bees conversation
was going to be had, and that that conversation will
(08:48):
tell you how long you needed to leave it in for, yes,
like ten seconds or.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Like a like a microwave oven, like how long yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Like a minute. Yeah. Also didn't know about ejaculates.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yes, that suddenly it would explode.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I didn't know why it would or how it would.
And then so I remember watching my first pornographic video
and going, what the hell? How was that? This is
this in and out thing? I was quite shocked by that.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, you would be, because if you didn't know what
that was for, because it was obviously its means to
an end, isn't it The in and out?
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Yeah, the in and out so to get the friction up,
to get the feeling blah blah blah. And also the
noise that the female was making in the pawn. I
was like, so much, she's enjoying that. It sounds like pain. No, no,
that's the sound of pleasure.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
It was the problem, isn't it with kids to the stuff?
Jesus Christ? Seven ad Break only a Shower.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Come on, It's a six special with Jerry Wells and Ruder.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
It started with the bumper sticker. I was just thinking,
let's back the bumper sticker, the main old school radio
piece of ship promo, and it just turned into I
saw one that said don't tat oh, come see you
m which is aggressive on a red Suzuki Swift and
the mean streets of Devonport.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
That is not right, that's not sexy.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
No, I know. But then obviously I had the other
bumper stick that I love cock and you could have
your frequency under that. Just something you need to shock
an or you don't you need to shock an or
bumper stick? It an't you because the bumper stick has
really gone out of fashion, yeah it has.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah. Can we get back to six just quickly, because
I want to know Mama Ruder these situations are always interesting.
Mama Ruder's six talk.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Well, we have said this on the podcast before it
fuck no, okay, no, she would die of shame if
she listened to some of the chats on this.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well, look, none of our parents listen, do they?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
What Sue Lane's on I'm pushing She listens to the
gender podcast. I don't know. Why don't you do that?
She originally listened when I was overseas because she was worried,
and she basically just it was proof of life. So
that's the reason why I was your mother.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I would also be looking for proof of life. I mean,
I don't blame her. She's a good woman. Soon she's
a good woman back to Mama Ruder.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Yeah, Mama, we've told this on the podcast before, so
I won't go fall deep, please don't. But as a
young child, probably about eight or nine, watching an episode
of Crime Watch right when it first started, and there was.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
The funniest thing about the stories of Mama Ruder is
that the tenuous the long bows and the tenuous links
between things is that is the fascinating as the fascinating part.
So you're watching.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Crime watatching crime Watch home invasion situation and sadly.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Don't say it was there was a sexual assault.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
It was okay, and young Ruder seed too, Mama Ruder,
Oh god, Mummy, whats right?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
And my mother raised one hand and made a circle
between her hand thumb and then with the other one
she went, it's like this, and she mean, yeah, I
know you motion. And then she said, but it is
when the woman says no. And I was, okay, well
that's no.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
To be honest, all the stories that I've heard from
Mamaruda so far, that's a consent in the last couple
of years, that one's that one's top of the list.
But I mean, that's well explained from Mamaruda.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
When you told the story about the condom earlier and
your wallet age six If my mother had gone through
my wallet age sixteen, in found I would have been
kicked out of home. I would have been no if,
no buts, no babies, you get the You know, she
wouldn't have sworn, She would have gone silent. She would
have just pointed at the door and crying, and then
(12:52):
she probably wouldn't have slept for a week while she
looked for ances from the lord.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Okay, well the answers were you just bowed your son
out of.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Her teaching a lesson because under her roof, her rules.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Man, Oh yeah, yeah, okay, that's a tricky one.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
That won't happen under my roof.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
It's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I remember leaving home for the first time, going flatting
doctor Lane, father GP, and I often used to call
him and if I was sack and say I've got
a head cold or whatever, or I need some medicine,
need basically facts prescription to the local pharmacy down there.
And I was flitting in Wellington.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
At the time.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's feeling terrible Wellington went to christ Church, but I
was floating up in Wellington. Afterwards, a diploma there living
with pul forward, right. But but I said, I'll send
you a bunch of panadole prescription and some I Beyprofnate
or whatever. Just go to the local Wadstown pharmacy. Go
(13:51):
down to the Waystown pharmacy, feeling terrible, blocked up, fucking
just awful, like you know, you're just feeling low. Hand
over the like I said my name, and they go,
oh yeah, we got sent the facts. You go and
they bring back all these medicines and I was like,
cool things, and it went to pay this I don't
know some more and I'm like and so this giant
(14:11):
fucking brown paper bag comes over, dumps down and I
was like, it's in there. I guess it's okay. Hey, guy,
guess it's okay. And I opened it up. It was
eighty two dozen condocts eight. It was great for doctor Lane,
great gag. And I was like, at the time, I
was so ill. I was like, yeah, fucking da, It's
(14:32):
like it wasn't For a couple of days later I
appreciated the gag that I picked up some panadole overprofen
and eighty dozen condo. It's good that was free as well,
because through the family planning, which is like sexual well
being alt and now they were free, so like didn't
cost us anything or yeah, doctor d ain't anything. But
(14:54):
this guy must have thought I was running some sort
of mess six dungeon.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
A real good gag from doctor Lane would have been
him to effects for as well an appointment time for
you for the sexual health client to get the umbrella
down the ie. Oh no, that would have been a
good move, like and so and also you need to
come out the back here.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
We've got yes, we need to do on it. Yeah,
and then just pull your pants down be like what no,
I've got to hit gold Yeah umbrella. Rory? Did you
go to Rory at one hour help? I wrote the
Rory He was, Yeah, he was prolific. He was very
keen on getting your naked though. Okay Rory, and he
(15:36):
delivered the famous line to a friend of you know
quite well made Meta's finest left arm spinner. He dropped
his trousers and Rory just took a step back and
went crab city.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Oh so it was it was Rory. Where's Rory? Now?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Where is Rory? He still have got one a halp
sexual health clinic and he was busy though, and he will.
It was the height of the triangle.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the comitia when they were the Colamydia Capital. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, so he must have been backing, worked off his feet.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That was when you were there. That was the chamitia.
I'm not saying that you were involved in it, but
that was definitely the time when you were there.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I was pissing around that time. It was between the bank,
the outback and the loaded Hog at the time down
there on Hood Street. So it was like a Victoria Street,
Hood Street. I mean the bank and the outback is
still there, yeah, but it's the loaded Hog is now
the hood you think house on Hood, House on Hood. Yeah,
that was the triangle that they isolated, you know, ninety
(16:43):
three percent of the cases known as the Committia tripe.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah. It just was a hot bit of sexual activity.
I mean I noticed that when I went down to
school there. I just noticed how free and easy everybody
was with the with their affections and the white I
don't know what it is, whether it's the dairy or
whether it's the humidity or fox. Just there's nothing to do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
A bit of nothing to do, but there's only a
river running through it, you know. I mean, it's quite
a sexual place. You play strangely, you play sport, you
drink lots of.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Bridges, a lot of bridges. Yeah you at the university
there too, didn't you did? But I just reflect on
this now. Fuck, I had no idea due to not
being given any form of sex education by my parents.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What school did you get? He?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Surely the schools would give you the.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Well, I went to way He College.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
But again that's why college you were basically the teachers
were having sex and showing how to do it.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Well, I remember very clearly. I can't remember what his
name is. The guidance councilor putting a thought elected a cucumber.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, I thought you're going to say Marist School for
boys and no hard does.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It to know how to put a condom? Why do you?
Why do people have to practice?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, it's the pinching of the inn. You know you've
got you've got to create. You got to pinch the
inn and you got to roll roll it down. I mean,
like and reality it's fun or friend it's because you
do you hate it. You're kind of looking for a
means to an end at that stage, and it's getting
in the way.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
I remember my brother when he went to university, he
went to Auckland University and went to Bright Hall. Was
the hall's residence he went into, and so he would
have still been seventeen. And of course you get the
intro pack, and of course in the intro pack there's
probably only ten, maybe ten to twelve condoms in there,
and my mum found them.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
And she cried, She cried, seventeen.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
No, so this is my brother.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
He was seventeen.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I was seventeen, So he's.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Quite young to be going to university.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
We're just still smart, man, We're real smart. So we're
just like a year ahead. Okay, that's us Peckford's and yeah,
so she cried and she could hardly talk for a week,
hardly slept for a week, and cried for most of
that week, looking for guidance from the lord because her
son had been given the means to have premarital set.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It must be hard if, like, if your beliefs are
not anything like the rest of society. It must be
super difficult because you're thinking I'm right and all these
people are wrong, and it's been paid for by my tax. Yeah,
that must be so hard to get your hit around.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I had another friend who went to these same halls
in the university. One day he came home and didn't
have a prophilectic so he improvised with some glad rap
big bow.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Did it work apparently.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
But what he did was he got the glad rap,
took one square off we did. You get glad rap
and over the front from the communal kitchen, put it
over the top and then so that's that covered the
tip and then went round and round and round and
round and around.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That's quite well done. Yeah, it's quite crafty.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I can't imagine how would.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
It go when you finished? Is that how?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
My guys?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
It's a bit like it's a bit like when you
when you've had a chicken mayonnaise sandwich and all the
mayonnaise has fallen out and you roll up the lad
rep front.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Then I wonder if it was actually the condom that
worked or just that she was never it wasn't the
right time in the month.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, I don't know here, I mean, let's be fair,
big Daryl Mitchell. I mean he needed a lot of
glad rap as well. Really, Darryl Mitchell, Okay, can you
aim people on this?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
If we need to beat them out. We beep it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Okay, we be it. Yeah, Darryl Mitchell.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Okay, so we'll go back and be all of those okay.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
So what we what we what we generally do is
will come up with a word like Daryl Mitchell, for instance.
So you would say Darryl Mitchell, and I'd go back
over all the mentions of Darryl Mitchell and I would
replace them all with Darryl Mitchell if we can just
get you one clean Darryl Mitchell.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Okay. But then but then we're saying that Daryl Mitchell
did that.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Well, obviously Darryl match sure, because he's wrong, age bracket everything.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You're listening to this and you're thinking, now, why are
they saying that Darryl matchroll is an announces.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It's actually Darryl Mitchell, because it's actually okay, I think
that'll let yeah, I can think it was. I need
to have a shower, all right, come on, let's talk
about all the things. Things that's.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
That's not
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That's but let's talk about this and now
Get a It's diary here from the Headachey Breakfast. Just
letting you know that if you're listening to the podcast
but didn't know that we also do a live radio show,
really we do. And if you're wondering how to find
out what frequency to listen to us in your area,
just takes North or South as an Island to three
four eight three.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So he taxts Ireland to know.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Let's get on with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Do you text Ireland to three four three two, not
Ireland like I R E L A M D. So
he takes North as in the island.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Yes, just so if you just go onto your phone
now on.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Your phone, okay and text Ireland No.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
No, no, no no, so three four eight three yep
three four eight three.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay Ireland North Island, North or South Jiland North Island.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I'll still pick it up though, just picks up the
first keyword I think, no, don't South And what does
it do? It sends you the frequencies Okay, Oh yeah,
no it did for me. No, it just to check
out the Breakfast podcast. I don't think it works.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Lenham ninety eight point five, Nelson ninety point four, Christ
Hits one O six you need ninety five point eight,
that's good. One south of ninety three point two one
OCA ninety seven, Oh yep, West Coast eighty nine point
three and one hundred and five point one.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Jesus's eighty seven point eight?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Is that even a thing?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I think it's Is that a low power frequent? That
sounds like a community frequency?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
It's low power. They gave our one to ZIDB.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, Nelson's a good one. Ninety point four.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, totng is good ninety one. Fim stuck on that, zidim.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, Christ each one oh six point five seems a
bit odd.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, that's quite high.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Does it matter though, I don't know, not anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I don't think so. I don't think it matters anymore.
It used to matter when you flick around, yeah, but
nowadays you'd be top of the Nowadays it's all just
pre anyway, the.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Pre sets a presepts are coming to your iHeart radio
App's right, So if you do listen on iHeart Radio,
you can pre set radio herd Achy and you can
pre set this podcast. So you just had it at
the tops. You had to fuck around every time like
your radio. It's coming a couple of weeks actually year,
next wee.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, apparently you guys are gonna have to make a
video of it next week when when I gets back
game change its explaining it. But then you're also not
allowed to call it iHeart radio anymore. It's going to
be I hat. Yeah, it's just iHeart makes sense.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
It's not a radio no, but it wasn't start. You
needed to explain to people that it was a radio
function that played audio. You don't need anything.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
iHeart. It doesn't mean anything, is it not? Really? I
hate cock.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
I once I once got a bumper sticker and stuck
it on a mate's car. Said, I love cock. A
heart cock so mature, but it's so fucking funny. It
was chucky in I came around for barbecue and I
distracted him and went down to his like red toyota
and I sucked this massive sticker on his bumper sticker
just said I love cock. Took him ten days to
(03:11):
discover it.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
He said, he doesn't discover it through ron him. They'll do.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
He said that you got a lot of toots. I
bet he did a lot of toots. And then immediately
when he discovered the I Love Cock sticker on the back.
He obviously set up a grinder. He knew exactly who
it was, and he just seen me message saying fuck you.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah. I was like, yeah, that would be right.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So maybe we should bring.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
A long line of things that you've done to chuck
your hens all over the years.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Still friends though.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah, it's a great, great New Zealander. He enjoys it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, maybe we should bring back the bumper stick And
then I Love Cock Radio heard listen to listen to iHeart.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I wasn't your head turner, because what else.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Can you put on a bumper stick of it? I mean,
I saw a bumper sticker the other day. I don't
know if you saw it. I put it on my Instagram,
Oh my story, and it was a bumper I was
having coffee at like Sex City in the morning whatever,
went for a walk in the cafe and a car
pulled up and it says, don't tut I'll come see
(04:13):
you in Yes, yeah, I'll show you the picture.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
What does that? What what does that mean? Exactly?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It says, don't honk it me, Oh, come smiling face.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Right. So I'm just trying to decipher what that actually?
I mean it's funny, so it's what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Also, what a sad face after come?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
When you like, yeah, that's true, she has a sad face.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It's like, but it's time you do have a sad
face after you?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
You guys, is that before you ring your mum?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Jar?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
That's well what you do is you you? What is?
It was a c c wasn't it was? It was apologize,
cattle cry and then cry.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, there's I mean, there's a level because it's such
a you reach that you're high and then you just
reached such a love afterwards. That's why.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I mean, it's like nothing's going to be that good
for a while.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That's why. That's why you get that angst.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And that we didn't you once call your mum and say, mummy,
I did a come after it.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I'm sure you've said that on this very podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
That kind of thing you'd say, No, no, I would.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Not say that to Mama ruder. She would not want
to know. Oh maybe in wedlock she'd want to know,
but out of wedlock she would be very angry if
I called her to tell you that.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, I mean the only sexual conversation I've ever had
with my mum is when she found a condom inside
my brown I can still remember it wallet when I
was fifth unused, unused. I just had one in there.
That's good and I hope that maybe it might happen.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
It's got a witness.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Well that's what you think, and that's what I thought.
I thought, Yeah, you know, it's not like finding weed
and your socked or anything like that, which she found
at that point, So I mean, there's nothing illegal about it.
But anyway, she she why she was sleeeping through my wallet.
Who knows, but she was. And then she got it
out and she said, now we need to talk about
this and I said I said. She goes, why have
(06:19):
you got a condo? I said, we'll just practice save
six just in case. And she said, so are you
in a relationship at the moment and I said no.
And she said, so you would have six with someone
the first time you met them? Hell are yeah, well
fifteen you would. I'm not going to say yes. I
was like, I'm not necessarily and she goes, well, why
(06:40):
do you have it? Then I said, oh no, no, no,
just in case, and she goes, you do know that
this is not going to actually product. This doesn't protict
you from all sixty transmit diseases. You can still get
her pies for example. I was like, oh really, I
didn't actually know that neither. And yeah, because you got
around the bat you get yeah, yeah, round the base
of you.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
You know, what are you going to say? Around the bays?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
And that was the end of that. So that was
the only sexual conversation I ever had of there and
never had one. I never had one since or before
or it's interesting. Yeah, I imagine Sue Lane, there would
have been a number of sexual conversations.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I mean, look, we practiced on the bananas. What's Sue
Lane just with putting the putting the franger on?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Was? What was she helping you just it's almost.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Like a craft session in school holidays.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
She was a teacher. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Interestingly, someone in the office out here she thought that
she had no idea. She's got no idea when she
was a teenager out what six was. And she thought
the balls went in as well.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Got a person new Weeks in the office. Can you
mouth their name?
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Okay Britain? Yeah, balls there she thought all the balls
winning as well?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
What just on? You just jam it all in there
and it does what it needs to do, and then
you pull it all out again.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
The parks in their back wheels and all.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Beg is it well? I thought as a kid that
at some point someone was gonna I knew that the
I knew that the penis went inside the vagina. Yeah,
because I you'd watched port I think my mum and
dad had, so I maybe made that up. There's the
only sexual conversation. Maybe there was another one there that
described how you have sex you block it out there.
So I knew that the penis went inside of the vagina.
(08:27):
That was all good. And one of my friends, I
think it, had had that book Where do I come from?
So that's all fine when a mommy and daddy love
each other, Oh yes, me yeah, yeah. And then but
then I didn't know how long or what. I didn't
know about anything else. So I thought I knew that
that happened. But then I thought there was going to
be at some points the Birds and the Bees conversation
was going to be had, and that that conversation will
(08:48):
tell you how long you needed to leave it in for, yes,
like ten seconds or.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Like a like a microwave oven, like how long yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Like a minute. Yeah. Also didn't know about ejaculates.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yes, that suddenly it would explode.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I didn't know why it would or how it would.
And then so I remember watching my first pornographic video
and going, what the hell? How was that? This is
this in and out thing? I was quite shocked by that.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, you would be, because if you didn't know what
that was for, because it was obviously its means to
an end, isn't it The in and out?
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Yeah, the in and out so to get the friction up,
to get the feeling blah blah blah. And also the
noise that the female was making in the pawn. I
was like, so much, she's enjoying that. It sounds like pain. No, no,
that's the sound of pleasure.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
It was the problem, isn't it with kids to the stuff?
Jesus Christ? Seven ad Break only a Shower.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Come on, It's a six special with Jerry Wells and Ruder.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
It started with the bumper sticker. I was just thinking,
let's back the bumper sticker, the main old school radio
piece of ship promo, and it just turned into I
saw one that said don't tat oh, come see you
m which is aggressive on a red Suzuki Swift and
the mean streets of Devonport.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
That is not right, that's not sexy.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
No, I know. But then obviously I had the other
bumper stick that I love cock and you could have
your frequency under that. Just something you need to shock
an or you don't you need to shock an or
bumper stick? It an't you because the bumper stick has
really gone out of fashion, yeah it has.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah. Can we get back to six just quickly, because
I want to know Mama Ruder these situations are always interesting.
Mama Ruder's six talk.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Well, we have said this on the podcast before it
fuck no, okay, no, she would die of shame if
she listened to some of the chats on this.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well, look, none of our parents listen, do they?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
What Sue Lane's on I'm pushing She listens to the
gender podcast. I don't know. Why don't you do that?
She originally listened when I was overseas because she was worried,
and she basically just it was proof of life. So
that's the reason why I was your mother.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I would also be looking for proof of life. I mean,
I don't blame her. She's a good woman. Soon she's
a good woman back to Mama Ruder.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Yeah, Mama, we've told this on the podcast before, so
I won't go fall deep, please don't. But as a
young child, probably about eight or nine, watching an episode
of Crime Watch right when it first started, and there was.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
The funniest thing about the stories of Mama Ruder is
that the tenuous the long bows and the tenuous links
between things is that is the fascinating as the fascinating part.
So you're watching.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Crime watatching crime Watch home invasion situation and sadly.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Don't say it was there was a sexual assault.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
It was okay, and young Ruder seed too, Mama Ruder,
Oh god, Mummy, whats right?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
And my mother raised one hand and made a circle
between her hand thumb and then with the other one
she went, it's like this, and she mean, yeah, I
know you motion. And then she said, but it is
when the woman says no. And I was, okay, well
that's no.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
To be honest, all the stories that I've heard from
Mamaruda so far, that's a consent in the last couple
of years, that one's that one's top of the list.
But I mean, that's well explained from Mamaruda.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
When you told the story about the condom earlier and
your wallet age six If my mother had gone through
my wallet age sixteen, in found I would have been
kicked out of home. I would have been no if,
no buts, no babies, you get the You know, she
wouldn't have sworn, She would have gone silent. She would
have just pointed at the door and crying, and then
(12:52):
she probably wouldn't have slept for a week while she
looked for ances from the lord.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Okay, well the answers were you just bowed your son
out of.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Her teaching a lesson because under her roof, her rules.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Man, Oh yeah, yeah, okay, that's a tricky one.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
That won't happen under my roof.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
It's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I remember leaving home for the first time, going flatting
doctor Lane, father GP, and I often used to call
him and if I was sack and say I've got
a head cold or whatever, or I need some medicine,
need basically facts prescription to the local pharmacy down there.
And I was flitting in Wellington.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
At the time.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's feeling terrible Wellington went to christ Church, but I
was floating up in Wellington. Afterwards, a diploma there living
with pul forward, right. But but I said, I'll send
you a bunch of panadole prescription and some I Beyprofnate
or whatever. Just go to the local Wadstown pharmacy. Go
(13:51):
down to the Waystown pharmacy, feeling terrible, blocked up, fucking
just awful, like you know, you're just feeling low. Hand
over the like I said my name, and they go,
oh yeah, we got sent the facts. You go and
they bring back all these medicines and I was like,
cool things, and it went to pay this I don't
know some more and I'm like and so this giant
(14:11):
fucking brown paper bag comes over, dumps down and I
was like, it's in there. I guess it's okay. Hey, guy,
guess it's okay. And I opened it up. It was
eighty two dozen condocts eight. It was great for doctor Lane,
great gag. And I was like, at the time, I
was so ill. I was like, yeah, fucking da, It's
(14:32):
like it wasn't For a couple of days later I
appreciated the gag that I picked up some panadole overprofen
and eighty dozen condo. It's good that was free as well,
because through the family planning, which is like sexual well
being alt and now they were free, so like didn't
cost us anything or yeah, doctor d ain't anything. But
(14:54):
this guy must have thought I was running some sort
of mess six dungeon.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
A real good gag from doctor Lane would have been
him to effects for as well an appointment time for
you for the sexual health client to get the umbrella
down the ie. Oh no, that would have been a
good move, like and so and also you need to
come out the back here.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
We've got yes, we need to do on it. Yeah,
and then just pull your pants down be like what no,
I've got to hit gold Yeah umbrella. Rory? Did you
go to Rory at one hour help? I wrote the
Rory He was, Yeah, he was prolific. He was very
keen on getting your naked though. Okay Rory, and he
(15:36):
delivered the famous line to a friend of you know
quite well made Meta's finest left arm spinner. He dropped
his trousers and Rory just took a step back and
went crab city.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Oh so it was it was Rory. Where's Rory? Now?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Where is Rory? He still have got one a halp
sexual health clinic and he was busy though, and he will.
It was the height of the triangle.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, the comitia when they were the Colamydia Capital. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, so he must have been backing, worked off his feet.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That was when you were there. That was the chamitia.
I'm not saying that you were involved in it, but
that was definitely the time when you were there.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I was pissing around that time. It was between the bank,
the outback and the loaded Hog at the time down
there on Hood Street. So it was like a Victoria Street,
Hood Street. I mean the bank and the outback is
still there, yeah, but it's the loaded Hog is now
the hood you think house on Hood, House on Hood. Yeah,
that was the triangle that they isolated, you know, ninety
(16:43):
three percent of the cases known as the Committia tripe.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah. It just was a hot bit of sexual activity.
I mean I noticed that when I went down to
school there. I just noticed how free and easy everybody
was with the with their affections and the white I
don't know what it is, whether it's the dairy or
whether it's the humidity or fox. Just there's nothing to do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
A bit of nothing to do, but there's only a
river running through it, you know. I mean, it's quite
a sexual place. You play strangely, you play sport, you
drink lots of.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Bridges, a lot of bridges. Yeah you at the university
there too, didn't you did? But I just reflect on
this now. Fuck, I had no idea due to not
being given any form of sex education by my parents.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What school did you get? He?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Surely the schools would give you the.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Well, I went to way He College.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
But again that's why college you were basically the teachers
were having sex and showing how to do it.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Well, I remember very clearly. I can't remember what his
name is. The guidance councilor putting a thought elected a cucumber.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, I thought you're going to say Marist School for
boys and no hard does.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It to know how to put a condom? Why do you?
Why do people have to practice?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, it's the pinching of the inn. You know you've
got you've got to create. You got to pinch the
inn and you got to roll roll it down. I mean,
like and reality it's fun or friend it's because you
do you hate it. You're kind of looking for a
means to an end at that stage, and it's getting
in the way.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
I remember my brother when he went to university, he
went to Auckland University and went to Bright Hall. Was
the hall's residence he went into, and so he would
have still been seventeen. And of course you get the
intro pack, and of course in the intro pack there's
probably only ten, maybe ten to twelve condoms in there,
and my mum found them.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
And she cried, She cried, seventeen.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
No, so this is my brother.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
He was seventeen.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I was seventeen, So he's.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Quite young to be going to university.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
We're just still smart, man, We're real smart. So we're
just like a year ahead. Okay, that's us Peckford's and yeah,
so she cried and she could hardly talk for a week,
hardly slept for a week, and cried for most of
that week, looking for guidance from the lord because her
son had been given the means to have premarital set.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It must be hard if, like, if your beliefs are
not anything like the rest of society. It must be
super difficult because you're thinking I'm right and all these
people are wrong, and it's been paid for by my tax. Yeah,
that must be so hard to get your hit around.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I had another friend who went to these same halls
in the university. One day he came home and didn't
have a prophilectic so he improvised with some glad rap
big bow.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Did it work apparently.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
But what he did was he got the glad rap,
took one square off we did. You get glad rap
and over the front from the communal kitchen, put it
over the top and then so that's that covered the
tip and then went round and round and round and
round and around.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That's quite well done. Yeah, it's quite crafty.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I can't imagine how would.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
It go when you finished? Is that how?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
My guys?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
It's a bit like it's a bit like when you
when you've had a chicken mayonnaise sandwich and all the
mayonnaise has fallen out and you roll up the lad
rep front.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Then I wonder if it was actually the condom that
worked or just that she was never it wasn't the
right time in the month.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, I don't know here, I mean, let's be fair,
big Daryl Mitchell. I mean he needed a lot of
glad rap as well. Really, Darryl Mitchell, Okay, can you
aim people on this?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
If we need to beat them out. We beep it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Okay, we be it. Yeah, Darryl Mitchell.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Okay, so we'll go back and be all of those okay.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
So what we what we what we generally do is
will come up with a word like Daryl Mitchell, for instance.
So you would say Darryl Mitchell, and I'd go back
over all the mentions of Darryl Mitchell and I would
replace them all with Darryl Mitchell if we can just
get you one clean Darryl Mitchell.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Okay. But then but then we're saying that Daryl Mitchell
did that.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Well, obviously Darryl match sure, because he's wrong, age bracket everything.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You're listening to this and you're thinking, now, why are
they saying that Darryl matchroll is an announces.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It's actually Darryl Mitchell, because it's actually okay, I think
that'll let yeah, I can think it was. I need
to have a shower, all right, come on, let's talk
about all the things. Things that's.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
That's not
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That's but let's talk about this and now
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