April 16, 2026 • 16 mins
Today on the podcast... I mean... Fake Dick Friday.
Manaia's been teasing it all week. We've been waiting. You've been waiting. What else needs to be said?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Daily Us spoke content that you won't find on the
radio show The Darky Breakfast Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome along to the podcast. Finally we're here. We've been
teasing it for so long. We've been waylaid. It's the
deepest teas that Jerry's ever experienced in its thirty years,
says a broadcaster.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And I've experienced some deep teasers, my know.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Top three, Top five Friday, Top five deep teasers.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We we would just start, we would just start.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's fake deck Friday, the first, potentially the last, definitely
the first ever.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I've never heard of a fake Deck Friday anywhere else.
We pride ourselves on originality here on the show. It's
definitely a broadcasting first. This is not broadcasting, of course,
this is podcasting.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, so get out of at the BSA. But yeah,
if you've been hanging out a week to hear about this.
This is a story that was reminded.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
To me.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Can that happen? I don't think anything can be reminded
to you.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
On Monday, I was reminded of a story that involved
my fake decks actually now that I remember it, and
I said we should talk about this on the podcast tomorrow.
We never got around to it on Tuesday, said we
should talk about it tomorrow. On Wednesday, we didn't. On
Wednesday we realized we also wouldn't get a chance to
talk about it on the Thursday. Thus was born the
deepest teas in New Zealand broadcasting or podcasting history.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Faked Fridays. Yeah, fake Fridays, which I think now or
we're going to look into maybe running every Friday. Why
why not? Let's see how this goes. And to pull
you guys.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Behind the curtains, I have made a point of not
trying to remember the story at all, so I can
just tell it to you as I remember it in
the moment. This could be the biggest fizzle out in
the history of this podcast, and there's been some big
fizzle outs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I don't think it's possible. But when I said to
you guys on Monday, I've got a story about a
fake deck.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Do I have your attention? I definitely did. Yeah, Yeah, totally, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I've never heard you tell a story about a fake
deck like I've heard you tell a lot of work
stories over the years. I've heard you tell stories about
your mates. Yeah, I've heard you tell a lot of
stories about Jeff personal stories particularly off here and then,
but never about a fake back.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah, let me get in a bit more comfortable position now, Okay,
So this is a person that I know who or don't.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I don't want to identify this person who worked in
the Minds over in Australia. Now, as you know, over
in the minds they work shifts. You know, they'll do
like two weeks on, one week off, something like that,
and a lot of times nowadays, as you could probably imagine,
there's things like like uber but for mining shifts. If
(02:37):
you know what I mean, if you're qualified enough, you
can go on to a website and be like, hey,
I'll pick up this shift here, or I'll pick up this,
or they'll advertise, oh we'll get a two week swing
for such and such as qualified as this or that.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You know what I mean, right, And so this person.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But the other thing you need to know about mine
is is what do you think they do on that
one week off?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Oh? Get absolutely wasted, wouldn't you? But you would because
you were bloody half for two weeks.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
He's been away for two weeks, so you will get
and you've a lot of money, so you show up,
let's be honest, and to Perth. Yeah, that's where they
are all at a lot of them will bugger off
to Bali. A lot of them will hang around in Perth.
And when they do, they will I mean, because what's
Perth to Bali?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Like three hours?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, bugger all, bugger all longer than that, but yeah,
but not much. And so they will at the ever
living past like everyone does after a long week of work.
But they've been in the desert for two weeks, so
they'll they'll indulge in some extra curriculus.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Will every now and then? Who wouldn't Who wouldn't and
who would begrudge them for it? I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Now the issue comes where when they go back down
the mines, they need to that subject to a drug
screening process.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
All right, you know where this is gone? You know
where this is gone. I have no idea where you're
going at all down the garden path and I was
right at bottom of the garden. And now I think
I've seen what you've exposed.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
So so and be with me because I'm remembering this
in real time. So what it happened was this person
didn't they'd been on they'd finished their shift. They'd been
on their week off, but they hadn't had another shift
lined up, and all of a sudden they got a
call for quite a lucrative offer. Hey, but we need
someone back in like forty eight hours. Yep, we need
(04:24):
you back down here. You are going to make an
ungodly amount of money because it's a last minute call
to work.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Oh so you make more because it's last minute call.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
They've got to, you know, because well, particularly if it's
someone who's just come off their swing. You know, they've
just been down the mine for two weeks, out in
the bush. They don't want to go back out there
for another week. You've got to make an attractive offer.
And so the offer was attractive. It was too good
to turn down. And so this person goes, okay, sweet,
I'll do it. I've just come off my last swing.
(04:53):
I've been involved in an unholy bender for the last
forty eight hours, and now you're asking me to fly
back out to the mines and I operate some heavy mission,
at which point you will a lot of the mind
sights will have a breathalyzer on site, so you get
a breathalyzefore you go in, and they will subject to
the drug testing before you go in. But it was
too good a deal to turn down. So this person
had heard from other people in the minds that there
(05:16):
are places where you can get synthetic purs so that
when you go into the minds you can put some
of the synthetic person into the sample jar, give that
to the person drug testing. It sweet as carry on,
because all it's going to say is there's no drugs
in this sump rock. The problem is how do you
deliver the synthetic purs into the jar? Yes, this is
(05:41):
where okay, because I've always wondered this with drug testing
and you'ine testing. Do people watch you when they're doing it?
And I guess some people, probably dodgerly too, actually watch
too much, you know, there some test as imagine they're
actually kind of getting off on watching people do it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
So I've had it's better not to think about that,
but I bet I think you're right though, Well they
actually watch it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, So there's this is the thing in my experience,
whenever I've done a drug test, it's generally been a
woman that's administering the test, and so they don't want
to they don't want to look. So what they'll have
is often it'll be either they'll take you into the
men's toilets and there'll be a urinal there. They will
stand in the door. They never lock. They turned their
back to here. But basically they would know if you
were up to no good in that. It'll be pretty
(06:26):
hard to if you're pulling a pack of synthetic pass
out of your pocket at a urinal and a woman's
in there with you with their back turn, do you
she's going to figure it out. There have been other
ones where there it will just be one cubicle and
it'll have a curtained door across it, and so they'll
pull the curtained door back. I've had that where it's
like where a dude will just be standing there and
he will look at you, but he won't like, put
his head over your shoulder.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Will he lick his lips? I wasn't looking at him. Okay?
Does he usually keep eye contact when you're doing it?
Maintain ic on it. I'll tell you what that guy did.
This is funny. That guy wrote down in the note
six inches sorry, six inches cold.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
And he wrote down because I did a full minute
when he wrote down flat feet I know, and this
was for an office job.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
This is for an office job.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Where you could tell that by looking at your wang.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Not not good for a foot jobares were useless for
a foot job.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
I have not heard the term foot job for a while.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Thanks you remind me to tell the foot job story.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Job Friday, go and you just you served me for
the longest teas in history.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Longer than because we're gonna have it already, keep going
with faked Friday.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Okay, So yes, So generally people will look over your
shoulder to see if you if if you know, if
if you're going to try and administer fake perss into
the thing. So this person found out from a mate
that the same people who will sell you synthetic piss
also have fake decks, so that if someone is looking,
(08:19):
you can use this fake dick to administer the synthetic
purse into the cup.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Okay, so wait a one, so that the synthetic purss
is inside the fake dick and then you squeeze. Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So the delivery method, there are a couple of different
options available to you. So one of them is it's
a pump. So basically you stand it no no, no,
like a like a thing you have to squeeze with
your hands like you're using an eye dropper, and you
could have squeeze it out manual. Now that one is
not as likely to You're not as likely to get
(08:54):
away with that because if the guy's watching you and
you're standing there pumping it, it's a look people, I
don't know. It's a little less it's a little bit
more obvious what you're doing there.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
But it depends on how much attention the person who's
watching you as paying.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, but again this isn't This isn't the minds you know,
it's not like the office sheld where you know there's
a lady at the door, she's got her back turn.
This is like they will pop their head over your shoulder.
So so there's the pump. Then there is the one
that you've just described there, it's the electric pump. So
you press a button and it will it will pump
it out itself.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Does it make it the noise like the like that
water feature that we had. Obviously that's the biggest concern.
Isn't going to make a noise?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
So so no, it doesn't. It doesn't make a noise.
So that's the one you want because that for all
intents and purposes, the deck that just comes out and
it just by itself, battery operated, deposits the sample into
the thing. Now the problem, this is where the problem is.
So this guy went into the shop, I don't know
where you buy this stuff from, said, I need the
(10:03):
synthetic perse sweet as here. I presume it was given
to him in a sack like you'd buy a goldfish in.
I don't know, but you.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Know, i'm Herod's or something like that. Probably synthetic decker. Uh.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And so he goes in and he goes, yep, synthetic
perse Sweet. Now do you have a fake Dick Friday?
And the guy goes, yeah, I got two. I've got
the manual pump, or for a little bit more money,
I've got the electric pump. Way less likely to get
snapped with the electric pump. The issue he ran into
was this person looked more like me than he looked
(10:38):
like you, and the electric pump looked more like you
and it looked like me.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Okay, So the skill supposing that I don't have a
brown dick by I am, I am, I am, And
well you you're pretty ten more like DELI. There we go.
You get me.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So the electric pump didn't met his skin tone at all,
and so the whole thing would come undone.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
If you show up and you.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Get fake that that's a completely different color than you're
the guys, let me.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Touch it, just let me flick it. Okay. Yeah, and
so what did he do?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Well, he had to go for the fake the hand
pump because that matched his skin tone, which is also racist,
you know what I mean. We can afford the electric
that's for us to that's good. And so he had
to use the the fake the hand pump one because
it matched his skin tone.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And by all accounts, Scott got away. Ah, that's a
good ending to the story. Yeah, that's anyone. I'd love
to love to know if anyone's listening to the to
the podcast, anyone's has been caught with with one, you know,
because what happens there surely Okay, So realistically, the mining
company they need to do a drug test because if
(11:57):
something goes wrong, legally, I need to say that they
covered their bases and they checked the thing, and safety
and blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Helping safety is huge in Australia. It is huge, huge,
and it's more than here.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
It's about legalities, isn't that in tacking boxes and making
sure that you cover your ass.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
You don't think it's about getting each one of us
home safe every night.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, they don't want anyone to die, like they don't
want anyone to have an excellent an injury. Of course
they don't. They're right. It's for insurance, insurance and all
sorts of stuff. So for them, if they can say, well,
we were there and we saw this, and if they
you know, I say, something did happen and then they
went back and they tested the person's you know whatever,
(12:38):
and then they worked out that actually they had drugs
or our call in this system, I think the mining
company could say, well, we tested the person and they
faked the blah blah bah, So everyone would be fine. Yeah, yeah,
well there's no harm done with us.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But how would you how would you go back and
find that out that they'd use the fake That's a
good question.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
I've been sitting here thinking I want to google this,
and then I thought, no, I can't. I can't do
it on the work computer. I've done it on my phone.
There's a few companies. There's a few companies online. One
is called screeny Weenie, great name, the Wizard Nata yet
another and the whiz Ed And they cost between one
hundred and thirty and three hundred and twenty US dollars.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Wow, that's a lot. It's five that comes with the urine.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
With urine and pen options.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Penis options included. Is there an uncut option? I haven't.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I haven't gone that far yet to Wow.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I mean, I think that's that's technology. I gotta say,
that's exactly where I hoped that technology and civilization will
get to fake that.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
It's exactly where it. I mean, there's a market there.
So I say, for example, what did you say three
hundred dollars you is? Yeah, A you're looking at loaded
to three hundred, so three hundred.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
That's about five hundred Australian probably, yeah, five hundred as
well that you can like go out for example, so
so you work in the mines. Okay, and that's just
my personal opinion, but you can work in the mind
two weeks right, work away, go out for it, and
then you go back. You've got a week off. You
go and your week off you and you let loos
you do whatever you're going to do. That's your business, right,
(14:07):
and then if you can't then work on a Monday,
and like you may have got on on say a Thursday, right,
well yeah, and you've had the weekend, but stuff is
still in your system by Monday morning. Like the fact
that you can't then go to work on a Monday
because of something that you did on a Thursday and
your time off. Yeah, I feel like the other one.
I hate that sort of rule.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
The other one, though, that you would see every now
and then is when you walk in, there will be
like a there's like a breath.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Testing thing there.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
You blow into it, beep and then it lets you
through the thing like a Either the doors will open
or some of them will have like the you know
when you get on a train. Yeah, yeah, and if
you I've never seen it, but and the red light flash.
But literally was at the pub one night. I would
(14:55):
say three four am, we're just we're just going across
the road from this pub and cal Galley when he
got a feed at the South African Joint. And then
one of the boys goes, all right, I'm off to work,
and I looked at him, I was like, you are,
I shouldn't, idiot, And then I saw him at the
pub again the next Friday. I was like, how'd you
get on to work? Because because the other one that
(15:16):
happens is when you tag and it'll sometimes request that
you go and see the nurse for a for a
drag a alcohol test. That that's the one that happened
to him. So it's a random it's a random number
like assigned to your swipe card or whatever, and then
if you swipe it and goes, I said the nurse,
and that's what happened to him, and he was passed.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, well I don't drunk advocate that, No, it was.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It was one of the dumbest heavy machinery, the dumbest
things I've ever seen, and no amount of fact that's
going to get you out of that.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I know that. Look that deep t is as well
worth it. That was well worth it.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
First ever faked Friday, and I'm already looking forward to
foot job.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
By yeah job Friday next Friday year. Jerry and maniaat
the radio show from six well seen Weekdays, The Hadakey
Breakfast
Daily Us spoke content that you won't find on the
radio show The Darky Breakfast Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome along to the podcast. Finally we're here. We've been
teasing it for so long. We've been waylaid. It's the
deepest teas that Jerry's ever experienced in its thirty years,
says a broadcaster.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And I've experienced some deep teasers, my know.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Top three, Top five Friday, Top five deep teasers.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We we would just start, we would just start.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's fake deck Friday, the first, potentially the last, definitely
the first ever.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I've never heard of a fake Deck Friday anywhere else.
We pride ourselves on originality here on the show. It's
definitely a broadcasting first. This is not broadcasting, of course,
this is podcasting.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, so get out of at the BSA. But yeah,
if you've been hanging out a week to hear about this.
This is a story that was reminded.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
To me.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Can that happen? I don't think anything can be reminded
to you.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
On Monday, I was reminded of a story that involved
my fake decks actually now that I remember it, and
I said we should talk about this on the podcast tomorrow.
We never got around to it on Tuesday, said we
should talk about it tomorrow. On Wednesday, we didn't. On
Wednesday we realized we also wouldn't get a chance to
talk about it on the Thursday. Thus was born the
deepest teas in New Zealand broadcasting or podcasting history.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Faked Fridays. Yeah, fake Fridays, which I think now or
we're going to look into maybe running every Friday. Why
why not? Let's see how this goes. And to pull
you guys.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Behind the curtains, I have made a point of not
trying to remember the story at all, so I can
just tell it to you as I remember it in
the moment. This could be the biggest fizzle out in
the history of this podcast, and there's been some big
fizzle outs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I don't think it's possible. But when I said to
you guys on Monday, I've got a story about a
fake deck.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Do I have your attention? I definitely did. Yeah, Yeah, totally, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I've never heard you tell a story about a fake
deck like I've heard you tell a lot of work
stories over the years. I've heard you tell stories about
your mates. Yeah, I've heard you tell a lot of
stories about Jeff personal stories particularly off here and then,
but never about a fake back.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah, let me get in a bit more comfortable position now, Okay,
So this is a person that I know who or don't.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I don't want to identify this person who worked in
the Minds over in Australia. Now, as you know, over
in the minds they work shifts. You know, they'll do
like two weeks on, one week off, something like that,
and a lot of times nowadays, as you could probably imagine,
there's things like like uber but for mining shifts. If
(02:37):
you know what I mean, if you're qualified enough, you
can go on to a website and be like, hey,
I'll pick up this shift here, or I'll pick up this,
or they'll advertise, oh we'll get a two week swing
for such and such as qualified as this or that.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You know what I mean, right, And so this person.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But the other thing you need to know about mine
is is what do you think they do on that
one week off?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Oh? Get absolutely wasted, wouldn't you? But you would because
you were bloody half for two weeks.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
He's been away for two weeks, so you will get
and you've a lot of money, so you show up,
let's be honest, and to Perth. Yeah, that's where they
are all at a lot of them will bugger off
to Bali. A lot of them will hang around in Perth.
And when they do, they will I mean, because what's
Perth to Bali?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Like three hours?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, bugger all, bugger all longer than that, but yeah,
but not much. And so they will at the ever
living past like everyone does after a long week of work.
But they've been in the desert for two weeks, so
they'll they'll indulge in some extra curriculus.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Will every now and then? Who wouldn't Who wouldn't and
who would begrudge them for it? I wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Now the issue comes where when they go back down
the mines, they need to that subject to a drug
screening process.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
All right, you know where this is gone? You know
where this is gone. I have no idea where you're
going at all down the garden path and I was
right at bottom of the garden. And now I think
I've seen what you've exposed.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
So so and be with me because I'm remembering this
in real time. So what it happened was this person
didn't they'd been on they'd finished their shift. They'd been
on their week off, but they hadn't had another shift
lined up, and all of a sudden they got a
call for quite a lucrative offer. Hey, but we need
someone back in like forty eight hours. Yep, we need
(04:24):
you back down here. You are going to make an
ungodly amount of money because it's a last minute call
to work.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Oh so you make more because it's last minute call.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
They've got to, you know, because well, particularly if it's
someone who's just come off their swing. You know, they've
just been down the mine for two weeks, out in
the bush. They don't want to go back out there
for another week. You've got to make an attractive offer.
And so the offer was attractive. It was too good
to turn down. And so this person goes, okay, sweet,
I'll do it. I've just come off my last swing.
(04:53):
I've been involved in an unholy bender for the last
forty eight hours, and now you're asking me to fly
back out to the mines and I operate some heavy mission,
at which point you will a lot of the mind
sights will have a breathalyzer on site, so you get
a breathalyzefore you go in, and they will subject to
the drug testing before you go in. But it was
too good a deal to turn down. So this person
had heard from other people in the minds that there
(05:16):
are places where you can get synthetic purs so that
when you go into the minds you can put some
of the synthetic person into the sample jar, give that
to the person drug testing. It sweet as carry on,
because all it's going to say is there's no drugs
in this sump rock. The problem is how do you
deliver the synthetic purs into the jar? Yes, this is
(05:41):
where okay, because I've always wondered this with drug testing
and you'ine testing. Do people watch you when they're doing it?
And I guess some people, probably dodgerly too, actually watch
too much, you know, there some test as imagine they're
actually kind of getting off on watching people do it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
So I've had it's better not to think about that,
but I bet I think you're right though, Well they
actually watch it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, So there's this is the thing in my experience,
whenever I've done a drug test, it's generally been a
woman that's administering the test, and so they don't want
to they don't want to look. So what they'll have
is often it'll be either they'll take you into the
men's toilets and there'll be a urinal there. They will
stand in the door. They never lock. They turned their
back to here. But basically they would know if you
were up to no good in that. It'll be pretty
(06:26):
hard to if you're pulling a pack of synthetic pass
out of your pocket at a urinal and a woman's
in there with you with their back turn, do you
she's going to figure it out. There have been other
ones where there it will just be one cubicle and
it'll have a curtained door across it, and so they'll
pull the curtained door back. I've had that where it's
like where a dude will just be standing there and
he will look at you, but he won't like, put
his head over your shoulder.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Will he lick his lips? I wasn't looking at him. Okay?
Does he usually keep eye contact when you're doing it?
Maintain ic on it. I'll tell you what that guy did.
This is funny. That guy wrote down in the note
six inches sorry, six inches cold.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
And he wrote down because I did a full minute
when he wrote down flat feet I know, and this
was for an office job.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
This is for an office job.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Where you could tell that by looking at your wang.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Not not good for a foot jobares were useless for
a foot job.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
I have not heard the term foot job for a while.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Thanks you remind me to tell the foot job story.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Job Friday, go and you just you served me for
the longest teas in history.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Longer than because we're gonna have it already, keep going
with faked Friday.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Okay, So yes, So generally people will look over your
shoulder to see if you if if you know, if
if you're going to try and administer fake perss into
the thing. So this person found out from a mate
that the same people who will sell you synthetic piss
also have fake decks, so that if someone is looking,
(08:19):
you can use this fake dick to administer the synthetic
purse into the cup.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Okay, so wait a one, so that the synthetic purss
is inside the fake dick and then you squeeze. Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So the delivery method, there are a couple of different
options available to you. So one of them is it's
a pump. So basically you stand it no no, no,
like a like a thing you have to squeeze with
your hands like you're using an eye dropper, and you
could have squeeze it out manual. Now that one is
not as likely to You're not as likely to get
(08:54):
away with that because if the guy's watching you and
you're standing there pumping it, it's a look people, I
don't know. It's a little less it's a little bit
more obvious what you're doing there.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
But it depends on how much attention the person who's
watching you as paying.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, but again this isn't This isn't the minds you know,
it's not like the office sheld where you know there's
a lady at the door, she's got her back turn.
This is like they will pop their head over your shoulder.
So so there's the pump. Then there is the one
that you've just described there, it's the electric pump. So
you press a button and it will it will pump
it out itself.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Does it make it the noise like the like that
water feature that we had. Obviously that's the biggest concern.
Isn't going to make a noise?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
So so no, it doesn't. It doesn't make a noise.
So that's the one you want because that for all
intents and purposes, the deck that just comes out and
it just by itself, battery operated, deposits the sample into
the thing. Now the problem, this is where the problem is.
So this guy went into the shop, I don't know
where you buy this stuff from, said, I need the
(10:03):
synthetic perse sweet as here. I presume it was given
to him in a sack like you'd buy a goldfish in.
I don't know, but you.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Know, i'm Herod's or something like that. Probably synthetic decker. Uh.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And so he goes in and he goes, yep, synthetic
perse Sweet. Now do you have a fake Dick Friday?
And the guy goes, yeah, I got two. I've got
the manual pump, or for a little bit more money,
I've got the electric pump. Way less likely to get
snapped with the electric pump. The issue he ran into
was this person looked more like me than he looked
(10:38):
like you, and the electric pump looked more like you
and it looked like me.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Okay, So the skill supposing that I don't have a
brown dick by I am, I am, I am, And
well you you're pretty ten more like DELI. There we go.
You get me.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So the electric pump didn't met his skin tone at all,
and so the whole thing would come undone.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
If you show up and you.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Get fake that that's a completely different color than you're
the guys, let me.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Touch it, just let me flick it. Okay. Yeah, and
so what did he do?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Well, he had to go for the fake the hand
pump because that matched his skin tone, which is also racist,
you know what I mean. We can afford the electric
that's for us to that's good. And so he had
to use the the fake the hand pump one because
it matched his skin tone.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And by all accounts, Scott got away. Ah, that's a
good ending to the story. Yeah, that's anyone. I'd love
to love to know if anyone's listening to the to
the podcast, anyone's has been caught with with one, you know,
because what happens there surely Okay, So realistically, the mining
company they need to do a drug test because if
(11:57):
something goes wrong, legally, I need to say that they
covered their bases and they checked the thing, and safety
and blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Helping safety is huge in Australia. It is huge, huge,
and it's more than here.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
It's about legalities, isn't that in tacking boxes and making
sure that you cover your ass.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
You don't think it's about getting each one of us
home safe every night.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, they don't want anyone to die, like they don't
want anyone to have an excellent an injury. Of course
they don't. They're right. It's for insurance, insurance and all
sorts of stuff. So for them, if they can say, well,
we were there and we saw this, and if they
you know, I say, something did happen and then they
went back and they tested the person's you know whatever,
(12:38):
and then they worked out that actually they had drugs
or our call in this system, I think the mining
company could say, well, we tested the person and they
faked the blah blah bah, So everyone would be fine. Yeah, yeah,
well there's no harm done with us.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But how would you how would you go back and
find that out that they'd use the fake That's a
good question.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
I've been sitting here thinking I want to google this,
and then I thought, no, I can't. I can't do
it on the work computer. I've done it on my phone.
There's a few companies. There's a few companies online. One
is called screeny Weenie, great name, the Wizard Nata yet
another and the whiz Ed And they cost between one
hundred and thirty and three hundred and twenty US dollars.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Wow, that's a lot. It's five that comes with the urine.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
With urine and pen options.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Penis options included. Is there an uncut option? I haven't.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I haven't gone that far yet to Wow.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I mean, I think that's that's technology. I gotta say,
that's exactly where I hoped that technology and civilization will
get to fake that.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
It's exactly where it. I mean, there's a market there.
So I say, for example, what did you say three
hundred dollars you is? Yeah, A you're looking at loaded
to three hundred, so three hundred.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
That's about five hundred Australian probably, yeah, five hundred as
well that you can like go out for example, so
so you work in the mines. Okay, and that's just
my personal opinion, but you can work in the mind
two weeks right, work away, go out for it, and
then you go back. You've got a week off. You
go and your week off you and you let loos
you do whatever you're going to do. That's your business, right,
(14:07):
and then if you can't then work on a Monday,
and like you may have got on on say a Thursday, right,
well yeah, and you've had the weekend, but stuff is
still in your system by Monday morning. Like the fact
that you can't then go to work on a Monday
because of something that you did on a Thursday and
your time off. Yeah, I feel like the other one.
I hate that sort of rule.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
The other one, though, that you would see every now
and then is when you walk in, there will be
like a there's like a breath.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Testing thing there.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
You blow into it, beep and then it lets you
through the thing like a Either the doors will open
or some of them will have like the you know
when you get on a train. Yeah, yeah, and if
you I've never seen it, but and the red light flash.
But literally was at the pub one night. I would
(14:55):
say three four am, we're just we're just going across
the road from this pub and cal Galley when he
got a feed at the South African Joint. And then
one of the boys goes, all right, I'm off to work,
and I looked at him, I was like, you are,
I shouldn't, idiot, And then I saw him at the
pub again the next Friday. I was like, how'd you
get on to work? Because because the other one that
(15:16):
happens is when you tag and it'll sometimes request that
you go and see the nurse for a for a
drag a alcohol test. That that's the one that happened
to him. So it's a random it's a random number
like assigned to your swipe card or whatever, and then
if you swipe it and goes, I said the nurse,
and that's what happened to him, and he was passed.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, well I don't drunk advocate that, No, it was.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It was one of the dumbest heavy machinery, the dumbest
things I've ever seen, and no amount of fact that's
going to get you out of that.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I know that. Look that deep t is as well
worth it. That was well worth it.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
First ever faked Friday, and I'm already looking forward to
foot job.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
By yeah job Friday next Friday year. Jerry and maniaat
the radio show from six well seen Weekdays, The Hadakey
Breakfast
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