EITM interviews Bert Kreischer

EITM interviews Bert Kreischer

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What's up, Elliott? How youdoing, dude? I am doing great.
Let me tell you this. Rightoff the bat Bird, I was
so proud watching Netflix. Everybody andtheir mother is up there for the Tom
Brady roast, and I was like, that's our friend, that's our friend.
Thank you. It was the Igotta be honest with you and all

(00:21):
the things I've done in comedy,that was probably the coolest thing I've ever
been a part of, without adoubt, because of what because of what
it was. It was. Itwas first of all, it was murderers.
I mean, you know it was. It was so great. Kevin
destroyed, all the athletes killed.I mean, Tom and I hit a

(00:43):
solid double. But like, listen, in those moments, I'm being dead
serious. When before we were aboutto go up, Nikki killed so hard
that everyone got nervous. You know, that energy that we were an hour
a half in, and that energyisn't gonna last. And Tom's like,
dude, We're gonna eat a hotone on stage. And you do not
You do not want to be inthe news cycle Monday morning. You just

(01:06):
want to do good enough that noone knows you were there. That's it.
And of course of course, I'myou've known me for twenty years.
Now, I am such an idiot. I wake up the next morning and
there's all there is is videos ofme reading the prompter as people are telling
their jokes. I literally read alongwith their jokes and laughed while I read.

(01:36):
And there's so much video close upof me reading the prompter. Hey,
how long? How long before ithappened? Like how long ago did
they reach out to you and Sigurato do to be a part of it?
A couple of weeks ago? Ohthat's it. Yeah, I mean
I think so what happened is Imean, this is inside baseball. But
they had their dais and then there'sa couple of people that backed out at

(01:57):
the last minute. It was justthere's nothing to do. If you have
a deal at Netflix, there's nothingto gain out of it. You're already
on the platform. And so everyonethat's on the day is I don't know
if you noticed, but none ofthe comedians had deals at Netflix, and
they wanted someone that I mean noneof them, so all of them will
go up murder you get to showat Netflix, Tom and I have deals
there, So they wanted someone establishedon a platform and they asked us,

(02:23):
and Tom and I are like,hey, man, if we bomb,
it's really bad. But if it'sif we kill, not much of a
thing happens for us, you know, right? But I said yes immediately.
Tom didn't want to do it.And what they wanted to do,
what their problem was is like,we can't you know, with a roast,
you you're gonna tread over the samematerial. And they wanted to break

(02:45):
it up and make sure that theygave space between the same type of jokes.
So they asked us to do moreof like a sports center thing,
right, And and I thought,I mean, I thought that was a
brilliant idea. I was like,yeah, that's great. And it turned
out great for us, Like itwas awesome, We had a great time,
We did a great job, butlike we were terrified going up,
were you really, oh, buddy? Before we went up, they booed

(03:08):
Kim Kardashian. Yeah, they booedher, and uh. Tom's like,
we're gonna need a hot one.And we went back in front of the
in front of the screen right beforeabout to go on, and he and
I said to Michael, buddy,if we die, we die together.
My here here my boy, like, let's let's eat a hot one together,
and uh, I gave him akiss and we walked out and uh,

(03:30):
like I said, Man, wedidn't bomb, like I said,
we hit a strong double. Itwas but it was crazy. Hey,
let me ask you this, So, like I imagine, like, listen,
I've obviously never been to one ofthose is beforehand, and then afterwards,
is everybody all like mingle mingle?Or is it like athletes over here,

(03:52):
comics over here? Like did youlike, did you hang out with
Tom Brady and chat with him fora while? No, but Brady was
off limits. We saw him beforethe show. He walked down the hallway.
It was busting balls. Julian Edelmanwas in a wife beater and he
goes, Hey, the the thevillage people's dressing rooms won over. You're
in the wrong room. Brady wasroasting in backstage. But I got there.

(04:14):
I'm boys with Kronk and Edelman andRandy Moss and so when we got
there there just pulled me into theirgreen room with Tommy and we just hung
out and just chopped shop at them. But I'll tell you want to know
something that's really kind of funny,is uh, well, two things.
Number one, this just got cutout of the roast, but it is
the best moment I've ever had.Sam Jay's lighting me up, she tells
me before she goes on stage becauseshe's like yo. She goes, I'm

(04:36):
gonna dig into you hard, andI was like cool. And she's making
fun of me for being a lightweightpartier that doesn't do drugs. And I
just have sex with my wife.And I had my fins in a plastic
bag and I pulled them out.It looks like an eight ball of coke
and I wiggled them to the audienceand the forum went bananas, bananas.

(04:57):
You can see you can hear thelaugh, and you can see me.
He tapped my nose at the end, but they edited the cocal and it
murdered but no like it was itwas. And then this is the other
secret gossip. I love, Ilove you, you know I love secrets.
So Tom and I are backstage.It's kind of quiet. Right an
hour before the show. Everyone goesto their dress rooms and just sits and

(05:18):
we're nervous, like everyone's nervous.Were in tuxedos. We're gonna knock on
the door and Chappelle sticks his headand he's like, yo, cut party
with you boys, and we're like, hell, yes. Chapelle sat with
us, sat with us for anhour before the show and just lighting the
mood. He was like, youguys are the best man. You guys
are gonna kill it. He's theHe sat with us and then when we

(05:38):
got done, he was still inour dressing room. Hey Bert, the
so you mentioned, you mentioned whatyou call You mentioned Sam Jay, who
was fantastic. Glazer was awesome.Even Kevin Hart was really good. I
wish you would have hosted, butKevin Hart was was really good. I

(05:59):
also like Tony Hinchcliffe was great.Like the comics were really really solid.
Yeah, dude, they were.I mean, first of all, you
know this is what Tony Hinchcliff does. This is his sweet spot. We
knew he was gonna kill. Wedon't think we knew he was gonna kill
as hard as he did. Weknew he was gonna kill. We knew
Nicky was gonna murder, right,and you got to give it up.
I mean, listen, you alsogot to give it up. And this
goes back to the whole Joe Coystuff. You gotta get up for the

(06:21):
writers. I mean, there's awriting team that's helping all these comics craft
their their their set because they knowwhat jokes other people are telling, so
they're kind of making sure no one'sstepping on anything. So like, you
know, if you just leave itto comics, we're all going to tell
roughly the same jokes, right.So the writers team was crazy good.
Mike, Lawrence, Pat Pat Sarah, they were like ray, they they

(06:46):
killed it. Then Hey, wasthere anything too? I think it was
Edelman that I saw, like atsome point this week was talking about how
it was really awkward backstage between RobertKraft and Bill Belichick. Is is that
true? Or is that Edelman justkind of building it up a little bit.
No, I didn't see it,Like I don't really care about that
stuff, So like all I knowis all I know is that we're about

(07:11):
to go backstage. Everyone's nervous,Gronks jumping up and down, Edelman smacking
himself in the chest, and Belichick'sthere, and I go, yo,
Coach, we could use a pregamespeech something to hype us up. We're
all backstage and Coach Belichick, Gills, do your effing jobs. I love
it. Like I said, everytime, every time they would they like

(07:32):
they would show the people up onstage. Dude, I was just yell,
that's our guy. There's bird,there's bird. Oh. I loved
it. I loved everything about it. I was shocked. I was.
I was so grateful to be there. And then when we got done,
I mean, Netflix was through theroof. It's like the biggest thing they've
ever done. I mean it ratedcrazy, like the number of people that

(07:57):
were watching live. I got anelevator with Ted's random after and he's fifth
pumping me. He's like, dude, we killed it. I mean everyone's
and then and then and then Tomand I threw a five K two days
later. Well that's the other thingI was gonna say is that you go
from that. You had an unbelievableweek, So you go from you go
from the Brady Roast, and thentwo days later you and Segura are doing

(08:20):
two Bears five K And that thingwas awesome. Dude. That was bigger
than I ever thought it would be. It was at the Rose Bowl.
It's like three thousand people. JellyRoll comes out does his first five K.
I got hit by a golf cart, like it was I got hit
by a golf cart. I thoughtI broke my feet. It ran over
me and I ran the first heatwith the fans, and then I came

(08:43):
back. I put a fifty poundpack on and I walked with Jelly for
the last five k. And andit was crazy. We had I mean,
it doesn't do it justice. Wehad on the field. We had
cold plunges, a sauna rope,of course, batting cages, virtual golf,
we had bars everywhere. We hada full CrossFit gym, I mean,

(09:05):
a stage, a DJ. Itwas insane, you know what,
though, And I think it's great. I love that you did it.
I love that your friends with Jellyroll Like I've never met him. Musically,
I like him and I like hisstory. His story is great.
I feel like I like that you'refriends with him because I feel like through
you, I can go like,yeah, guy, I mean I know

(09:26):
about the guy, like whatever,but I feel like he's be a very
cool dude. He's the best man. Listen, they don't make guys like
that. Like he says he's gonnado the five k and then flies out
private for the event and then flieshome that afternoon private because He's just that
guy. Man. He is theguy that shows up. I mean last

(09:48):
year I'm fully loaded, he showedup one day, just showed up in
his tour bus. He's like,yo, kind I hop on stage.
I was like, are you serious? And that is who he is.
I mean, I wish I couldgo into even bigger detail because you know,
it's like when we crossed the finishline, he was sobbing crying.
Bunny was huggingly Anne, and hewas like, you know, I'm down
eighty pounds. He changed my life. And I was like, dude,

(10:09):
you changed your life. You changedyour life. He's just man. He
is real, salt of the earthguy. I love him to death.
Hey, will you ask him ifhe'll hop on stage for Fully Loaded when
you're at Merriweather. That way Ican meet him. I can't say anything,
but yeah, I can ask him. By the way, I should

(10:35):
mention. So when you get hereon June twenty first, at Merryweather,
which by the way, is gonnabe awesome. To be a little touch
warm, but it's gonna be awesome. I love that you're playing Merryweather,
and I should have mentioned it,like when we were talking about Hinchcliff,
who was also on the roast.He's doing fully loaded with you, or
at least this tour stop. He'shere. Listen. If there's a guy

(10:56):
that can get you good cocaine ofcomedy, I know, I know the
dealers. Look I look. Lastyear I had Shane Gillis on all the
days, right, I've had MarkNorman all these dates. We got Stobby,
he was on all He's gonna beat the Merriweather. Yes, I
got Hinchcliff early. It's me MarkNorman, Henchcliff, Big Jay, Dan
Soder, all these guys. Itstinks is that they're blown up so quick.

(11:20):
I can only get them for oneyear, and I will not be
able to afford Tony Hinchcliffe next year. I got so lucky on that one.
Hey also did the so I mean, I don't know, I don't
know all the venues of the ofthe tour, but Merriweather Bert like in
the in the back where like there'scatering and stuff catering, it may as

(11:41):
well be a restaurant. Dude.They have the nicest pool back there.
I'm thinking we do a Friday nightpool party. That sounds right up my
alley. You know me very well, dude. This this whole festival is
just summer camp for comics. Leanneplans the whole thing. We have seven
tour buses, we have five semis, and it's all set up for the

(12:03):
comics to have a blast. Sowe party every night. We have a
trainer that travels with us. Webring out of sauna a cold plunge everywhere
we go. We have a gym, and we plan activities and that's what
gets the comics out. Leanne hasgift bags that are like value at like
fifteen thousand dollars that every comic gets. So the reason we get these comics
is that we treat everyone good.And that's why we get these great surprise

(12:26):
guests because they know that when theygo out, they're going to have a
blast. It's a party for us, and the byproduct is we put on
a hell of a show. It'sfour hours long. Every comic, all
I tell them, is just murder. It's like the roast, It's just
murder, and every comic destroys.I go up last. It is.

(12:46):
It is the party of the summer, without a doubt. And you know
what I'm gonna bring. You knowwhat I'll bring to the to the party.
What's that? I just got itin the mail earlier this week.
I got a huge box of stuff, but inside with Porosis vodka. Oh
buddy, have you met my vodkayet? I have it. I'd literally
a big box of it just camein the mail. I'm gonna have it

(13:07):
this weekend. It is phenomenal.I'm telling you. I put my ten
thousand hours into a couple of things, and drinking vodka is one of them.
If I could send my wife tohave sex with you, you'd be
justice and pressed. Hey. Andthen the last thing, did I know
as part of as part of thisrun that you're going out on, did

(13:30):
I know that you're taping another Netflixspecial in July? Yeah? I take
my that's this. All the materialI'm doing is what's going to go on
my special July. I shoot Julysixth, seventh, and eighth, and
uh, and then that'll go upon Netflix probably beginning of the fall.
But are you cranking out specials?Like, because every comic has that thing

(13:50):
where it's like, once I dothe special and it comes out, once
it comes out, I'm done.Like I can't do that anymore. I
feel like you're creaking out special andby the way, they're good, so
it's not like it's not like you'renot like working in stuff. I don't
even feel like there's time for youto do any of that though. Well,
starting in July, I'm taking ninemonths off. I'm gonna go LeAnn
and I are moving to France,and I'm gonna yeah, yeah, yeah.

(14:13):
I mean, I'm like, listen, you know me very well.
I've been grinding so hard that ata certain point I can't tell what's performative
anymore. And me there was agirl, there's a girl at the five

(14:33):
k that blew out her knee andfell and hit her head and it was
right in front of me, andI stopped down and I sat with her,
and she was crying and I wascalming her down. And in the
middle of it, in the middleof it, I said to myself,
does anyone have a camera on me? A good moment? Like? And
then I'm like, all right,I'm like, I'm done. I gotta

(14:54):
be, I gotta get I'm gonnaget away from the camera for a second
and learn who I am again.I got hit by a golf cart.
I got hit by a golf carton the run. And uh and and
they missed it on camera. Theymissed it. I go, they have
video of Aaron Ornandez with a gunin his hand. Did no one get
me hit? How did no oneget me hit by a golf cart?

(15:16):
All right? So after the specialYear, you're moving to France? All
right? Fine, yeah, I'mgonna look. You know that all goes
out the door. If they offerme a movie or a TV show,
We're moving. Here's the worst part. Leanne goes, I'd love to move
to France. And then I waslike, yeah, then I start my
European tour in March. Well,yeah, I'm doing a European tour.

(15:37):
It would be a good way togive a hero for Europe. You know,
it'll be fun. Uh. BertKreiser's Fully Loaded Comedy Festival will be
at Merriweather Post Pavilion June twenty first. Tickets are on sale through ticket Baster.
Bert. I'm very very proud ofyou, and I will see you.
We'll see you June twenty first atMerriweather. I will see you.

(15:58):
Their pool party. By the way, he was doing great over at college.
I had a good time with himand did nothing out of line.
Great child, You did well,Elliott. Yeah no. He sent me
pictures. He loved hanging out backstage. He felt like the big d on
campus. Oh. I introduced himto everyone. I was walking him around
that green room. There were abunch of hot ones. He brought a

(16:18):
chick with him, but I waslike, Buddy loved the chick. All
right, Bert, I'll see youin June, my friend, I see
you then, Buddy, Thank you.