May 28, 2024 • 12 mins
One of many Gold Star family members in D.C. over the weekend on Arlington National Cemetery.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, Elliet the morning. Heywho am I speaking with? Uh?
You were speaking with Elliott? Whoam I speaking with? Hey? My
name is Amy. I'm calling fromNorth Carolina. I literally just tuned in.
I just came into the conversation andI made a post about this very
thing yesterday because the Washington Post actuallycontacted me last week to ask my permission
(00:22):
to use a photo that they hadtaken up my husband's grave with an item
on top of it, and itjust sparked this conversation between me and some
of my friends in the survivor communityabout you know, we've been doing this
for years and years and years walkingthrough Arlington, looking up these things that
people leave on our loved one's graves, and honestly, we don't really know
(00:43):
what happens to them. And soto read the article and now to hear
other people talking about it is justso intriguing, and so I wanted to
call in, Wow, well that'sawesome and thank you. Hey, what
I don't know, Like there weresome pictures in the article, which one
is your husband's marker in the article, So the if you scroll down a
(01:04):
little bit in the article, you'llsee a combat infantry badge. It's a
blue badge with a rifle on itand a reef that is kind of ensconced
around the rifle. I'm looking atit right now. If you click on
ye, if you click on that, you'll see that it was left on
my husband's grave. Do you knowwho left it? I don't. I
(01:26):
wish I did, but I don'tknow who did. Like, that's random
to me, but it's very it'sit's very nice. I don't mean random
in a creepy way, in avery nice way of I mean, think
about it, and there's there's Imean, I don't even know how many
headstones there are at Arlington Fields ofthem. But somebody clearly picked out your
(01:49):
husband's headstone for a reason. Right, that's a really cool piece. Yeah,
yeah, that's really interesting. Andyou said, like, can I
ask you this, like, dodoes random stuff show up? Do you
get notified if somebody leaves something atyour husband's headstone? Never? Never?
(02:12):
You know, he died sixteen yearsago and we've done up many many times
over the years, and occasionally I'llsee something that's left at his grave and
I assume you know, I've leftthings, my daughter has left things his
You know, his parents, hissister, his cousins, battle buddies,
They've all left things, and Ijust assumed that those are the people that
are leaving things at his grave.This one, I'm not sure who left
(02:36):
this one. And I'm just socurious because it's very specific. It's actually
the same tin that he was wearingon the battlefield when he was killed.
Wow, And so it just itjust makes me wonder, first of all,
who left it, who was sokind enough to stop by and pay
their respects and leave this pin.But also I'm just now curious as to
what happens to it? Where dothese things go? And this is honestly
(03:00):
I feel guilty that I've never askedthese questions before, But what happens to
these things? And how can wehelp preserve some of these momentos? So
can I ask you this? Yousaid that like it's a topic of conversation
in the survivor community, and Iwould assume that that you based on that
have whether it's whether it's online oror through letters or just through talking or
(03:23):
FaceTime or whatever that you are incommunication with. I don't know how many,
but a group of fellow survivors correct, correct, So like and i'
and again I have I don't Iknow that it gets stored. I know
it's a some storage facility by theTomb of the Unknown. But would it
wouldn't bother you, guys if youfound out that they were going to make
(03:44):
like an online memorial where all thisstuff would get logged and photographed and it
would live online. And I realizedearly, speaking for yourself, not for
the survivor community, would it botheryou to find out like what they like
if they incinerated it afterwards? Youknow, that's a that's a tough question
(04:05):
because again, and thank you forrecognizing that I can't speak for all survivors.
I can only speak for myself thathonestly, like this is such a
new conversation for me, even evenif for sixteen years that I honestly haven't
given it that much thought. Andso I when I saw the article that
came out yesterday, I read itand I sat with it overnight, and
(04:28):
I thought about it again this morning, and I made a post on FASICOK
about it. And you know,a few of us have kind of talked
about it offline, and again,it's just one of those things that we
never really know what happened, andgosh, I'm so glad we're finally talking
about this because we've never really talkedabout it before. What did you personally,
I'm sorry, go ahead, goahead, No, I was just
going to say, what, whatdid you think was done with it?
(04:54):
I just assumed that people went everyfew days through the cemetery and just picked
up all of the things to kindof clean it up, and took it
back to a storage facility, maybein one of the the trailers that are
up at the at the front ofArlington National Cemetery. Maybe there's like a
room or a you know, justI don't know, just boxes that they
(05:16):
just throw all this stuff. AndI had no clue. I didn't realize
that there actually was a regimented waythat they go through and collect and say
these things very specifically assigned to eachperson that they're left for. And now
it sounds like there's just so muchand it's it's it's it's just a kind
of overgrown. At this point,they're they're asking, Okay, what do
(05:39):
we do with these things? Idon't know what the answer is. I
don't know that I would necessarily wantall of the things that were left.
I would certainly want his family tobe made aware of the things that are
left. Like if Arlington came throughand said, Okay, we're going to
take all of these things off ofthis person's grave and put them in a
(05:59):
box, and and at you knowthis date and time. Every single year,
we're going to reach out to allof his family members and say,
hey, we have these things.They were left for your person. Would
you like to come collect them orcould we send them to you? By
the way, that is that?I like that. I like that.
So if you said, let let'slet's pretend for a second that it was
your husband, right and that therewas I'm making this number up. Three
(06:23):
boxes of stuff, everything from likethe picture that we see attached to the
article, but it could be anything. And they were like, listen,
we just we don't have anywhere tostore all this stuff. We are going
to have an online memorial or whateverit is. Everything is in a box.
We're going to do one of twothings. If you would like it,
you can keep it and figure outif you want to have it at
home or keep it or whatever.If not, we are going to incinerate
(06:46):
it. We just don't have roomto store it, but it's your choice.
I feel like that's a nice littleuh like, that's a nice little
way to try to determine what todo with it. That way, if
you wanted it, you can havethe stuff back, right right, Yeah,
I totally agree. It's because thereare so many family members and this
is this is totally my foatbox.But you know, as as the the
(07:11):
next of Ken, you know,I was married to him. I am
seen as the next of Ken,but I'm not the only one. There
are so many other family members heyou know, he's got parents and cousins
and the sister and nieces and nephewsand just so many people that don't get
that recognition, and so to beable to have outreach to those family members
(07:34):
as well. I mean, Iobviously I can reach out to those family
members too and say hey, Igot a call from Arlington, but just
to be able to have all ofthe contact information of everybody who knew and
loved the at least in the immediatefamily, right, and then just to
be able to reach out to thoseimmediate family members and say, hey,
this was left for your hero,would you like it? I think that
(07:56):
would just be such a nice anice way to to keep these things preserved
and also just honored with families andnot just you know, the one or
two that constantly get recognized, butto reach out to the entire family.
You know, hey, what isthe the the article talks about how like
strangers will like they talk about thequilt with the Umbrell family, and they
(08:18):
talk about that lady that just madehundreds of quilts for families. Yes,
is that is that common for goldStar families? Where like people you don't
even know that reach out for Areyou saying, like for for just random
strangers to reach out and say,hey, we have something for you,
Yeah, we have something for you, or you know, hey we read
(08:39):
the obituary or we saw the story. We just wanted to reach out and
whether it's a small little little noteof thanks or sympathy or or something that
was meaningful to them. Is thatis that pretty common? That's that's incredibly
common. Yes, I see thata lot. I've seen that through the
years. I've I've stayed very connectedto this community for sixteen years. So
(09:01):
I was just with twenty seven hundredsurvivors up in DC this weekend, So
yes, I can I think thatI can say that that's fairly common that
when these stories are told. Ithink Americans just feel the urge to reach
out and maybe they don't know whatto say, or they don't know what
to do, or they don't know, you know, how to act.
(09:26):
So I think just they are sograteful and they just want to reach out
and say, hey, I hearyou, I see you. I want
to do something. I don't knowwhat it is, but here's what I
know how to do, and it'sfor you. This is what I'm doing
for you, you know what.That's really had a bit that's really nice
to hear because I feel like like, especially in the last I don't know
(09:46):
decade, you start hearing about goldStar families and almost like like for political
reasons, right, but you don'thear the stories of hey, just some
random family that we don't know,read the story of whomever it just reached
out just to say thank you orI'm sorry. Like that's real. That's
really nice to hear. Yeah,I mean, don't don't get me wrong,
(10:09):
there are absolute haters. I wokeup to a couple of them this
morning, but there are I thinkfor the most part, Americans people just
in general, really do care,and they want they want to offer their
respects and they don't know how,and so they do whatever they can and
they want to. They just wantto be a part of this fabric.
(10:31):
You know, do you like visitinglike? I know you said that you
were here over the weekend before goingback to North Carolina? Do you like
coming to Like? Is it anice I mean nice is probably the wrong
word, but is there is theresomething nice about walking through Arlington for you?
It is honestly one of my mostfavorite places to go. Honestly,
(10:52):
it's it's just so peaceful. It'sI get a sense of peace when I
walk there. I feel like I'mjust this tiny grain of sand in this
hallowed ground of people who did somethingfor me that I'm not sure I would
(11:16):
do for others. It's just it'ssuch a humbling feeling to be among all
of those who served and died,and to know that I get this chance,
as this tiny little grain of sandin the world to honor them every
day by living a life worthy oftheir sacrifice. Right. So yeah,
(11:37):
I mean it's truly the most peacefuland humbling place that I visit, and
I love it. Hey, whatdoes forgive me. What is your first
name again? My name's Amy.Amy. I'm gonna I drive by it
every day on the way home fromwork. I'm think of you every day
as I go by there. Oh, thank you. That means a lot.
I hope you'll think of all ofthe families that are out there that
(12:01):
have loved ones buried there and allover national cemeteries, all over the country.
It's just we're a big group,but a small world. It's it's
it's pretty cool. I appreciate it. Amy, I'm so glad. I'm
very glad that you call. Thankyou. Yeah, thank you so much.
You got to talk to you later.
Hi, Elliet the morning. Heywho am I speaking with? Uh?
You were speaking with Elliott? Whoam I speaking with? Hey? My
name is Amy. I'm calling fromNorth Carolina. I literally just tuned in.
I just came into the conversation andI made a post about this very
thing yesterday because the Washington Post actuallycontacted me last week to ask my permission
(00:22):
to use a photo that they hadtaken up my husband's grave with an item
on top of it, and itjust sparked this conversation between me and some
of my friends in the survivor communityabout you know, we've been doing this
for years and years and years walkingthrough Arlington, looking up these things that
people leave on our loved one's graves, and honestly, we don't really know
(00:43):
what happens to them. And soto read the article and now to hear
other people talking about it is justso intriguing, and so I wanted to
call in, Wow, well that'sawesome and thank you. Hey, what
I don't know, Like there weresome pictures in the article, which one
is your husband's marker in the article, So the if you scroll down a
(01:04):
little bit in the article, you'llsee a combat infantry badge. It's a
blue badge with a rifle on itand a reef that is kind of ensconced
around the rifle. I'm looking atit right now. If you click on
ye, if you click on that, you'll see that it was left on
my husband's grave. Do you knowwho left it? I don't. I
(01:26):
wish I did, but I don'tknow who did. Like, that's random
to me, but it's very it'sit's very nice. I don't mean random
in a creepy way, in avery nice way of I mean, think
about it, and there's there's Imean, I don't even know how many
headstones there are at Arlington Fields ofthem. But somebody clearly picked out your
(01:49):
husband's headstone for a reason. Right, that's a really cool piece. Yeah,
yeah, that's really interesting. Andyou said, like, can I
ask you this, like, dodoes random stuff show up? Do you
get notified if somebody leaves something atyour husband's headstone? Never? Never?
(02:12):
You know, he died sixteen yearsago and we've done up many many times
over the years, and occasionally I'llsee something that's left at his grave and
I assume you know, I've leftthings, my daughter has left things his
You know, his parents, hissister, his cousins, battle buddies,
They've all left things, and Ijust assumed that those are the people that
are leaving things at his grave.This one, I'm not sure who left
(02:36):
this one. And I'm just socurious because it's very specific. It's actually
the same tin that he was wearingon the battlefield when he was killed.
Wow, And so it just itjust makes me wonder, first of all,
who left it, who was sokind enough to stop by and pay
their respects and leave this pin.But also I'm just now curious as to
what happens to it? Where dothese things go? And this is honestly
(03:00):
I feel guilty that I've never askedthese questions before, But what happens to
these things? And how can wehelp preserve some of these momentos? So
can I ask you this? Yousaid that like it's a topic of conversation
in the survivor community, and Iwould assume that that you based on that
have whether it's whether it's online oror through letters or just through talking or
(03:23):
FaceTime or whatever that you are incommunication with. I don't know how many,
but a group of fellow survivors correct, correct, So like and i'
and again I have I don't Iknow that it gets stored. I know
it's a some storage facility by theTomb of the Unknown. But would it
wouldn't bother you, guys if youfound out that they were going to make
(03:44):
like an online memorial where all thisstuff would get logged and photographed and it
would live online. And I realizedearly, speaking for yourself, not for
the survivor community, would it botheryou to find out like what they like
if they incinerated it afterwards? Youknow, that's a that's a tough question
(04:05):
because again, and thank you forrecognizing that I can't speak for all survivors.
I can only speak for myself thathonestly, like this is such a
new conversation for me, even evenif for sixteen years that I honestly haven't
given it that much thought. Andso I when I saw the article that
came out yesterday, I read itand I sat with it overnight, and
(04:28):
I thought about it again this morning, and I made a post on FASICOK
about it. And you know,a few of us have kind of talked
about it offline, and again,it's just one of those things that we
never really know what happened, andgosh, I'm so glad we're finally talking
about this because we've never really talkedabout it before. What did you personally,
I'm sorry, go ahead, goahead, No, I was just
going to say, what, whatdid you think was done with it?
(04:54):
I just assumed that people went everyfew days through the cemetery and just picked
up all of the things to kindof clean it up, and took it
back to a storage facility, maybein one of the the trailers that are
up at the at the front ofArlington National Cemetery. Maybe there's like a
room or a you know, justI don't know, just boxes that they
(05:16):
just throw all this stuff. AndI had no clue. I didn't realize
that there actually was a regimented waythat they go through and collect and say
these things very specifically assigned to eachperson that they're left for. And now
it sounds like there's just so muchand it's it's it's it's just a kind
of overgrown. At this point,they're they're asking, Okay, what do
(05:39):
we do with these things? Idon't know what the answer is. I
don't know that I would necessarily wantall of the things that were left.
I would certainly want his family tobe made aware of the things that are
left. Like if Arlington came throughand said, Okay, we're going to
take all of these things off ofthis person's grave and put them in a
(05:59):
box, and and at you knowthis date and time. Every single year,
we're going to reach out to allof his family members and say,
hey, we have these things.They were left for your person. Would
you like to come collect them orcould we send them to you? By
the way, that is that?I like that. I like that.
So if you said, let let'slet's pretend for a second that it was
your husband, right and that therewas I'm making this number up. Three
(06:23):
boxes of stuff, everything from likethe picture that we see attached to the
article, but it could be anything. And they were like, listen,
we just we don't have anywhere tostore all this stuff. We are going
to have an online memorial or whateverit is. Everything is in a box.
We're going to do one of twothings. If you would like it,
you can keep it and figure outif you want to have it at
home or keep it or whatever.If not, we are going to incinerate
(06:46):
it. We just don't have roomto store it, but it's your choice.
I feel like that's a nice littleuh like, that's a nice little
way to try to determine what todo with it. That way, if
you wanted it, you can havethe stuff back, right right, Yeah,
I totally agree. It's because thereare so many family members and this
is this is totally my foatbox.But you know, as as the the
(07:11):
next of Ken, you know,I was married to him. I am
seen as the next of Ken,but I'm not the only one. There
are so many other family members heyou know, he's got parents and cousins
and the sister and nieces and nephewsand just so many people that don't get
that recognition, and so to beable to have outreach to those family members
(07:34):
as well. I mean, Iobviously I can reach out to those family
members too and say hey, Igot a call from Arlington, but just
to be able to have all ofthe contact information of everybody who knew and
loved the at least in the immediatefamily, right, and then just to
be able to reach out to thoseimmediate family members and say, hey,
this was left for your hero,would you like it? I think that
(07:56):
would just be such a nice anice way to to keep these things preserved
and also just honored with families andnot just you know, the one or
two that constantly get recognized, butto reach out to the entire family.
You know, hey, what isthe the the article talks about how like
strangers will like they talk about thequilt with the Umbrell family, and they
(08:18):
talk about that lady that just madehundreds of quilts for families. Yes,
is that is that common for goldStar families? Where like people you don't
even know that reach out for Areyou saying, like for for just random
strangers to reach out and say,hey, we have something for you,
Yeah, we have something for you, or you know, hey we read
(08:39):
the obituary or we saw the story. We just wanted to reach out and
whether it's a small little little noteof thanks or sympathy or or something that
was meaningful to them. Is thatis that pretty common? That's that's incredibly
common. Yes, I see thata lot. I've seen that through the
years. I've I've stayed very connectedto this community for sixteen years. So
(09:01):
I was just with twenty seven hundredsurvivors up in DC this weekend, So
yes, I can I think thatI can say that that's fairly common that
when these stories are told. Ithink Americans just feel the urge to reach
out and maybe they don't know whatto say, or they don't know what
to do, or they don't know, you know, how to act.
(09:26):
So I think just they are sograteful and they just want to reach out
and say, hey, I hearyou, I see you. I want
to do something. I don't knowwhat it is, but here's what I
know how to do, and it'sfor you. This is what I'm doing
for you, you know what.That's really had a bit that's really nice
to hear because I feel like like, especially in the last I don't know
(09:46):
decade, you start hearing about goldStar families and almost like like for political
reasons, right, but you don'thear the stories of hey, just some
random family that we don't know,read the story of whomever it just reached
out just to say thank you orI'm sorry. Like that's real. That's
really nice to hear. Yeah,I mean, don't don't get me wrong,
(10:09):
there are absolute haters. I wokeup to a couple of them this
morning, but there are I thinkfor the most part, Americans people just
in general, really do care,and they want they want to offer their
respects and they don't know how,and so they do whatever they can and
they want to. They just wantto be a part of this fabric.
(10:31):
You know, do you like visitinglike? I know you said that you
were here over the weekend before goingback to North Carolina? Do you like
coming to Like? Is it anice I mean nice is probably the wrong
word, but is there is theresomething nice about walking through Arlington for you?
It is honestly one of my mostfavorite places to go. Honestly,
(10:52):
it's it's just so peaceful. It'sI get a sense of peace when I
walk there. I feel like I'mjust this tiny grain of sand in this
hallowed ground of people who did somethingfor me that I'm not sure I would
(11:16):
do for others. It's just it'ssuch a humbling feeling to be among all
of those who served and died,and to know that I get this chance,
as this tiny little grain of sandin the world to honor them every
day by living a life worthy oftheir sacrifice. Right. So yeah,
(11:37):
I mean it's truly the most peacefuland humbling place that I visit, and
I love it. Hey, whatdoes forgive me. What is your first
name again? My name's Amy.Amy. I'm gonna I drive by it
every day on the way home fromwork. I'm think of you every day
as I go by there. Oh, thank you. That means a lot.
I hope you'll think of all ofthe families that are out there that
(12:01):
have loved ones buried there and allover national cemeteries, all over the country.
It's just we're a big group,but a small world. It's it's
it's pretty cool. I appreciate it. Amy, I'm so glad. I'm
very glad that you call. Thankyou. Yeah, thank you so much.
You got to talk to you later.
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