EITM: Travels And Tribulations 7/18/24

Haven't even left yet — have a show to do still — but somebody's already frustrating ahead of Minnesota.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So yesterday I started trying to puttogether and by the way, mixed and
all of that is a music festival. So yesterday I was trying to put
together like an itinerary of trying toget everything done that we can get done,
like we're not going to Bemidgie,it's just too far. But then

(00:23):
I was wondering, is it toois it too much? Like when I
sent that text yesterday, Diane,do I annoy you with travel? It's
it's definitely a lot packed into avery short time. Yeah, but that's
all you have. It's not likewe have off days to like relax and
take it in. No, sois it does he annoy you? Diane?

(00:46):
Are you talking about with the planningor the actual travel? Yes,
yes, all all of it,all of it. I know, Diane.
I can think of one thing thatDiane drives dying crazy. Well,
when we go late meals, latenight dinners where you're like, okay,
well I made rather for nine whoeats dinner at nine forty five? What
do you like chic in New York? I mean mine? No, But

(01:08):
I can tell you why I dothat for two reasons. Why does that
drive Why does that drive you?To make sure that you're all but falling
asleep in your dinner plate. I'venever fallen asleep, considering that we've never
fallen up since like three o'clock thatmorning. Okay, but but still would
you rather why go eat? Likewe could be doing stuff at seven,
Like we could still be out runningaround and doing stuff and seeing things.

(01:32):
So if we're gonna eat, let'seat after all of that, Like why
interrupt being able to do things?And I've never fallen asleep at dinner,
Okay, but it's just it's abit much. So what do you want
to eat at four? Well,how about seven? I'll give you eight.

(01:52):
We're gonna be doing stuff, We'regonna be busy. That's a pretty
good argument. I've never thought ofit that way, and we've become so
accustomed to and part of it isall we also do love eating light to
the later meals. And sometimes yougo to places that the only reservation available
is late at midnight. Right,No, Well, the good news is
the place I have picked out fortomorrow night they don't even take reservations.

(02:13):
Oh so we're just gonna go stand. Yeah, Well, you walk up
and you put your name on thelist and that's it. Yeah, and
that's time efficient. Say yet,that's like like spending our time wisely.
So we're just going to be standingthere. Okay, we're not getting there
were no, but if we getthere at nine, maybe we don't sit
down until ten, but we canhang out, have a couple of cocktails.

(02:35):
Yeah. So that's the one thatimmediately was thought of by me for
Diane because she complains a lot aboutit. Oh, you like eating that
late. It's different, it's different. I love it. I love the
I need I need late every night. If I could. Now, I'm

(02:57):
trying to think, may I addone? Sure? I don't love I
mean I love that you drive us, but we are exposed to your reckless
driving for the entirety of the weekends. I'm in the back passenger because I
think that's my best chance of survival. Okay, can I can I?
Can I please throw in a coupleof things? Uh? Number one,

(03:19):
I said, I appreciate that youalways drive. That's true reckless No,
no, oh, I'm sorry.How many? Thank you, Kristin?
Thank you? Okay, no,no disrespect Kristen. But we've driven with
Mike. Okay, but that's disrespectful, I said, no, disrespect I
hit her. No. But onall of the and there hasn't been a

(03:44):
million of them, but on everyshow trip. Add them all together.
How many tickets have I gotten?You've been sent stuff in the mail for
blowing through tolls? How many?Yeah? But I've never been pulled a
ticket? Well it was actually aticket. But I've never been pulled over
and we've never been in an accident. True. Yeah. Do we get

(04:04):
where we're going fast? Yeah?So there's nothing wrong with my with my
driving? Is that what it is? For everything? I also don't want,
by the way, your other option, what do you want, Diana?
Drive? You're better off walking getthere quicker, so I'll drive.

(04:25):
It's uber so far, though,your defense is of the two criticisms.
Criticisms we have have been efficiency,getting to do more stuff by one maybe
eating later, or two driving fasterbetween attractions. Yes, yes, Why
do I want to spend all mytime with doing twenty miles an hour?

(04:46):
I'm not asking you to do that. I'm just saying, you know a
BATA speed limit sometimes and I do. Sometimes it's like you said, I
do what you said. Sometimes,you know, like on a turn we
did, I don't. I don'tremember. Was that it was an over
It was an overpass with a turn, and I can't remember where it was.
But that was as close as Icame to losing the tires and going

(05:10):
into a Jersey one. Yeah.Now you wouldn't have heard the car hit
because of all the screaming. Ididn't. I think I screamed an expletive.
Oh, I know exactly where wewere? Is it? Was it
Charleston or was it Myrtle? Neither? Weren't we coming back to? No,
it was in Kansas City because wewe we The next stop was the

(05:32):
barbecue restaurant, and we got toget there. We're going to run out
of a barbecue, I thought ofanother one. Oh, oh my god.
Well, Diane, I'm sure inher head is trying to decide which
one to go with. But hedon't say getting to the airport. No,
everybody shows up at the airport ontheir own, not coming back.

(05:53):
But we'll all meet at the airport. Diana sent us a picture of her
seated having a drink. The drinkyeah, oh, I've been here for
four hours. No, I liketo go there and get there early.
I don't like stressful travel? Right? Do I stress you out with travel
so much? Is it? Yeah? Because it's like it's like I've already
gotten through security. You're like,he's probably not even anywhere close to the

(06:16):
airport right now, probably haven't leftthe station. But why does that stress
you out? What does that matterto you? So? I don't want
you to miss a trip? I'mnot going to miss a trip? Have
I missed one yet? What's thething at Union Station? Didn't show miss
a train? We did? Yes, not my fault, not my fault,
not my fault. Train left ontime, parking garage was sold out.

(06:38):
Okay, those are the things thatcome up out of nowhere that you
national. No, I'm ubering notto deal with it. Chee uber Richmond.
I have a spot. I havea spot. Oh you've reserved?
Yes, I have. So.I was going to say, we often
hear about your bathroom habits, right, we're not expose to them where they

(07:00):
affect our schedule. I've never comeinto anybody's room to take a dump.
No, But you've had to leaveplaces, yes, to find bathrooms?
Yes? And that found the BennettHotel in Charleston. Didn't you read a
book place? Yeah? But yousometimes cut nights shorter. I did have
to leave. I did have toleave. I did have to cash out

(07:23):
early in New Orleans to go potty. Oh cast me outside so that that
can, yes, okay, disappointingbecause we all like to be together.
Yeah, okay. Diane went straightto a hotel room and locked herself in
there all night. And but becauseI was throwing up, but take a
dump, and that's acceptable. Iguarantee you what I did was more sick

(07:46):
than what you did. But that'sexactly it, Diane, though she was
sick. I threw up on theairplane. I threw up when we landed.
I wish I could have tished onthe airplane, but they had already
put the seatbelts. But we're justdealing with your day to day, bound
moving and it's like, oh man, God bless you, Jackie, I'll

(08:09):
be back VRB. Just go tothe next place. I'll be right there.
I eat a lot of cheese.I think, Kirsten, did you
have one? Wait? No,what do I do to you? Nothing?
So you can't think everyone, Oh, here we go. Ye.
I knew it would take a littleWait, this is something I do?

(08:31):
Or is this something Diane does thatannoys everybody. No, Diane doesn't.
Well, I guess it's not reallyyour fault because because cigarettes are for sale
and are Diane and I want tosee one of the bands that are performing
Friday, but I don't even thinkwe're landing yet or not there in time.

(08:52):
That's out of our control. Yeah, oh so it's my fault that
that the way the lineup is set. No, not the lineup, the
flight. Maybe the festival does startthere, it starts tomorrow early. You
think I'm taking a day now,our winner will be there and plenty of
time you see everything. But I'mnot taking the show off the air so
you can go see a band.Unless a solo song was playing at eleven

(09:15):
am tomorrow, we wouldn't even beon the air. Why who are you
missing? Head in the Heart?Yeah? I know, Jet is right
before them, right right, andthat's your girl. No, I know,
I know, but listen, Ican't help that. That's that's like
saying, what's something else I can'thelp? Oh, that's like saying,
you know what, I wish theair quality wasn't as bad in Minneapolis.
I have no idea what it is, but that's like that's like, well,

(09:37):
my fault they sell cigarettes the nono, But that that's like blaming
me for something I can't help.That's what I'm saying. I can't really
blame you. No, And thatdoesn't have to do with like all the
times we travel like dam bitches andmoans every time we go, like we're
eating late. We're eating late?So what YAH can apply to every single
trip? I have a positive.I like that you do a lot of

(09:58):
research ahead of time. Yeah,told us what to do. You have
all this, but you're like,I have a bunch of food and stuff
we're going to try. So Ilove that. Yeah, thank you,
thank you. Yeah, well Itold you we're set. We're no reservations
for tomorrow. We may we maynot eat till midnight. I also don't
know how to eat sticky rights theway that they set on their website snacks.

(10:18):
I got another one. Oh yes, but this is the listener's faults
or collectively a fault because you decidedso many years ago to reveal a travel
habit you have on the airplanes.Now, Nope, this's more with the
hotel room. Oh I'm masturbaed inevery hotel room I've ever been in.

(10:39):
That's so much of the messaging whilewe're away. Yeah, so you think
Elliot has done it yet, Ican tell you right now. I will
be in a hotel room on Fridaynight. I will be on a hotel
room on Saturday night, and Iwill pull it both nights. Oh god.
And if I don't pull it Fridaynight before I go to bed Saturday

(11:00):
morning to get going, No,but I can promise you I will.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm theonly one. I'm the only one that
masturbates on a show trip because wemight have to get up very early to
go to Minnesota's largest camp, wantto go to store, and before the
festival starts. I can't for thatcar ride because it's out there, just
be getting hit up with dms,reminding us that moments earlier you got pleasure

(11:24):
in yourself. And then I'll makeyou. I'll make you. I'll make
this promise to you. I'll pullit on Friday night. No, how
about not at all? No sexualitieshuman I can't help it. Oh what
do you want me to do about? Breathe? I can't help it.
That's just exactly another one you nevermasturbated on during a show. Trip.

(11:45):
No, I'm just sitting sitting atthe back, trying to enjoy my coffee.
Still a little groggy, A littlecup of coffee, still a little
groggy. And then the tweets aregoing to come in. Damn it.
By the way, just so youknow, just to kind of like settle
you a little bit, I won'ttell you when, but I have masturbated

(12:05):
this week. But that's not thepoint. It's masturbition is healthy. No
one's arguing against self love. Absolutely, However, we're upset that you had
to. However, however, longago tell us all that it's one of
the fun things about being in ahotel and jumping on the bed. That

(12:30):
is my version of jumping on thebed. I hope there's a spinny chair
child, not more of like ayoung teen. It's a place to go
to sleep. Remember in New Orleans, I've always told you, why do
we even bother with hotel? I'mwith you, there's no reason to although
I will say that's something that we'vedone in New Orleans a couple of times,

(12:52):
because like if we're going to gowatch the parade right outside the hotel,
there is more time inside the rooms. And then we've gatathered in someone's
room for a little bit. Yeah, that's not a feature on every trip,
and that may have been preceding yourbig reveal. But I've enjoyed that
where we just hang out in somebody'sroom. Remember that was the best thing

(13:15):
you could buy booze at CVS.We don't get a chance to see that
because there's usually so much stuff todo, and I don't We're not going
to have a chance to hang outin the hotel room right this week.
But I know the hotel. Iknow, I know the hotel that you're
talking about. When the parade wasright outside, and I do believe we
hung out in my hotel room.I think you could. We eventually made
our way down to the street levelbecause you wanted to catch k cups,

(13:37):
right, but you could sort ofsee. We could see from my window
right. And I can tell youwith one certainty, I masturbated in that
room. I think we were reluctantto sit. I know I danced a
lot, yes on social media,but can I tell you this, like

(13:58):
you, you were afraid to siton the little sofa thing in there.
I didn't masturbate on the sofa.Oh, I certainly wasn't sitting on the
bed the I don't grind it intothe bed. Okay, I don't know
what you do. Oh, I'msorry your room doesn't have a washcloth.
What if you're like into some reallyweird fetish. No, No, like
in a hotel, it's like,yeah, I like to slam it in

(14:22):
between the drawers, armoire or somethinglike that. It's like, geezus.
Remember the hotel a cord across fromthe station. That guy would take the
mirror off the wall and masturbate ontothe mirror on the bed while he was
standing over it. Don't give elliotidea. I don't do that. I'm
not an animal. I'm human.Guard by the way that Peru tribe,
I guarantee your name. Masturbate,garth wrights, the airing of grievances.

(14:46):
It's Festivus in July. I thinkthat's it for me. I think I
named everything now. Of course,when we're out in Minnesota, I'll be
like, God, how did Iforget about this? I hate this part
of traveling with him. Yeah no, but I'm not bad to travel with.
Listen, not all of you wereraise a light either in what way

(15:07):
Kris did well? I mean Ididn't. I didn't put together a list.
No, we're not necessarily saying theseare things we want you to work
on. There what makes you you? Oh? Where was the I think
it was Jacksonville, where I hadto go to breakfast. We met for
breakfast. I had a take amigraine medication. Yes, my head was

(15:31):
like bouncing up like I was likenine. Yeah, it was miserable.
But I didn't like say, hey, we got to go inside where it's
not as hot and bright and stuff. I just sat up there like a
zombie. You're craving occasionally for likeMalibu rum and when places don't have a
vacation but not every place has it, and you get a little I like

(15:56):
vacation drinks. Where am I going? Line three? Hi Ellie in the
morning, Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Dude? Why
are Diane and Tyler being such babiesabout you driving? Do they want to
get there on all the time orwhat? I know? It's not scary.
Other I will say the one timein Kansas City I was scared.

(16:18):
I did almost spin the car outon an overpass. Yeah. Other than
that, I've never I've never evenbeen nervous about something. Although I think
once in Atlanta somebody cut in frontof the car and I had to stop
short. But not my fault.That's me being on being wise. Maybe
give them a little more room.Just the thought actually going to Daytonta.
Yeah, there you go, Ithappens, It happens. Yeah. I

(16:42):
didn't want to get there for themhanding out the trophy. I wanted to
get there for start your engines.There you go. You got to you
gotta get the fly by exactly exactly. All right, very good, thank
you, my friend. I justtry to be efficient. We don't have
a lot of time, and Iwant to get a lot done. I
don't know the next time, ifever, i'll be back in Minneapple.
But now that we've had this conversation, I'm now anticipating our greatest journey yet