Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
When was the last time we talked to AJ Jacobs for.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The Year of Living constitution Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Oh that's right. So it was the Year of Living Constitutionally.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Something that like the beginning of the summer maybe, and.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Then the one before that was the Year of Living Biblically. Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
We talked to him many times between that.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yes, but like those were the year of ones that
I remember? Was there another year of he.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
First came into the spotlight with Biblically. Oh, it was
a TV show based on it as well. Oh that's right,
that's right. But then he did he wanted to be
the healthiest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Oh that's right. A lot of these the Guinea Pig diaries. Yeah,
AJ's awesome. I love AJ. But yes, he did the
Year of Living Constitutionally.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Ye.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Do we have a way to get in touch with Aj?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Sure, he have his number.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I mean, like right now, oh, like would he would
he would he pick up a phone and talk to
us right now? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I don't want to cold call him.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Well that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Would he be pissed?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I don't know what his schedule is with his kids.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's nine o'clock, his kids should be in school.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Probably in school.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Okay, now, who's got his number?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I have a number for him?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Can we call?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I mean you're gonna you're kind of catch him off guard.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
He really this is done through publicists.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I know, I know, but I don't feel like he
was using his publicist for a column that he just
wrote A J Jacobs just ran a triathlon?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
What he did?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I know? Right? And listen, we've seen AJ. Maybe people
have only heard AJ oh high Allien.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Well, now I want to taw.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
AJ and even the way like he would talk about
how how he was during the Remember he was part
of the reenactment in the Year of Living Constitutionally. It
doesn't make you think that AJ is a big triathletes.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
So would he have been in the midst of training
when we talked to him.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm looking for that. If the date is in here,
it was pretty recently. Would he have been in training? Maybe? No? No, no,
because now now that I'm remembering back through the column
he just wrote, he didn't really train and he did
a triathlon? Yes, yeah, up in Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So he's based out of New York. Why do he
go up to Boston?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Because I doubt if it was Boston. Well, it was
somewhere in Massachusetts, but I guess. And he did it
with his kid, who's a teenager who plays high school sports.
And his AJ said is in far better shape than
I am.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Am. I really setting this number to Kristen. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Please, And by the way, when you when you call AJ,
please be kind. I love AJ, like I'm not trying
to play gotcha with him or anything. I love AJ.
Didn't I tell you that he was doing some event
in Philly and Milkman's daughter went to see him speak. No, oh, yeah,
(03:09):
so he was. He was doing some event in Philadelphia
and Milkman's daughter, who just graduated from college, she went
to see him speak. And Sam sent me a note
and said, hey, you know him, don't you? And I said, well,
I mean yeah, And he said, well, my daughter's there,
and I was like, oh, please tell her to go
introduce herself. But she didn't, but she walked out of
(03:30):
there going he was great, Like he's a fascinating guy.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
So anyway, the triathlon that he did there, he is.
The triathlon that he did is kind of a compact triathlon,
So I guess there are different layers or different levels
of like it's riding a bike, yeah, it's running, and
it's swimming, And I guess there can be and I
(03:57):
didn't know this, there could be different lengths of each
one that still qualifies you as a triathlon. So the
one that he went to in Massachusetts was as compact
as can be but still be considered a triathlon.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So how much different is it than the Olympic Triathlon.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
When I signed up to do a triathlon a couple
of summers ago, I had one goal. It wasn't to
win the race, or even to place in the top
half of my age group. My goal was simple, not
to finish in last place. Second to last fine, just
so long as I was not the final person across
(04:37):
the finish line. I wanted to avoid the shame and
mockery of being in last place. I didn't need another
participation trophy like the one I got in fifth grade
on the day I peed my pants and had to
stay in the corner, hoping no one would notice. After all,
I was doing a triathlon with my sixteen year old son.
(04:59):
I didn't want him to see his dad as the
ultimate loser. I'm not much of an athlete. I type
emails while walking on my treadmill, but find lung burning
aerobic exercise deeply unpleasant. A race of any sort was
always going to be a stretch for me. But that summer,
(05:19):
my concerned wife urged me to get in shape, and
my son came up with an alarming drastic proposal. Hey, dad,
let's do a triathlon together.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Thanks son.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Since it was my son's idea, I couldn't say no,
what kind of message would that be sending? So I
searched online and I found a triathlon that was a
few weeks away in Massachusetts, a short four hour drive
from my New York apartment. The triathlon I found wasn't
a hardcore two mile swim, one hundred mile bike ride,
(05:53):
twenty six mile run. This race was shorter a sprint triathlon.
It was, in fact, the shortest race to technically qualify
as a triathlon, a quarter mile swim, a twelve mile ride,
and a three mile run.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
So it's drastically different. But that's not easy.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, his friend told him that's not an iron man.
That's barely a styrofoam man.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Thanks friend.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So anyway, he said he didn't really train like he
went out into Central Park and ran a couple of
times as like this sucks. So he didn't train. So
the day of the event, or maybe it was the
night before, he and his kid drove up to Massachusetts
and he said they car bloated.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
That's the best part.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
But he said, like everybody there was like like eating
like these gels. There's these supplements and yeah, like all
kinds of like energy boosters and like natural this and
beat you know, beat juice that and all kinds of stuff.
I didn't do any of that. So they started the
(07:11):
uh can't find him. Humph, That's okay. It's not like
he knew we were calling. We lined up by the
shore and splashed into the Atlantic Bay two by two.
The icy water made me gasp. My son immediately pulled
away with strong freestyle strokes. I resorted to the breaststroke.
After five minutes, I eventually rounded the last bowie and
(07:35):
made it back to land. I was in the bottom
half of the pack, but I was holding my own
perfect Yes. I ran to my bike, strapped on my helmet,
and started pedaling along the hilly back road course. Here's
what I heard for the next half hour. What on
your left? On your left on your left. These bikers
(08:03):
may have tried to sound neutral, but I could hear
the glee in their voices. They whizz by. After twelve miles,
I steered my bike through the sensors. I dropped lower
in the pack, but there were still there were still
racers behind me. That's his only goal, right The running
portion was my least favorite. Uh, no equipment to help,
(08:25):
just me my sneakers in the pavement. I huffed and
grimaced as runners past me on the left, but I
wasn't in last place. When I glanced back, I saw
a woman who looked to be in her seventies, huffing
and grimacing as much as I was. I told myself
(08:48):
I can take her. Just keep the feet moving. In
the third and final mile, her sneaker steps got louder
and faster. She found a second wind. What the hell?
(09:09):
Maybe I should have had the Chia mango energy jell.
I watched her pull away and disappear around a bend.
There I was alone, So he's in last place, well,
not totally alone. I passed the occasional spectator, still lining
the street, patiently ringing a cow bell and shouting with
(09:32):
condescending kindness. You got this, I refused to walk, even
though walking would have been faster than my current foot
dragging running worse though, I was joined by a four
wheeled symbol of shame, the official triathlon ambulance, puttering ten
(09:54):
feet behind me as I almost collapsed. How great is he?
Finally I crossed the finish line. I finished one hundred
and twenty first out of one hundred and twenty one racers.
My son was there, recording my accomplishment with his iPhone.
(10:19):
He hugged and congratulated me. I was embarrassed and angry.
Do you think if we all went and ran a
shortened triathlon right now, do you think any of us
would finish in last?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
No, no, no, The answer is no.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That's all age groups, just like he clearly was running with.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, the answer is no, Well doing it with that?
He followed, Yes, only the running person. I think the
answer is no. I don't think we'd be able to
stick together. No, And I'm not a triathlete, but I
guarantee you I wouldn't finish last.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
How many pool links would a quarter mile swim be? I?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Swimming would be the hardest part. Yeah, swimming would be
the hardest part. Like, unless you're Katie Ledecki or Tory Husk.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
But I mean that's something you definitely have to train for.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I know a guy that didn't. Okay, and by the way,
he wasn't losing that right. He did say he switched
to breaststroke.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So that would be eight back and forth fifty meters
for the Olympic size pool.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Wait, so it's there is one back is two or
there in back one there and back two, there in
back three.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
And there and back and then you're done.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Oh so it's only eight. I could do that.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
It's for you need to do four hundred meters in
the pool.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I could do that. Oh I could totally do that,
not fast, fast enough that I wouldn't be in last
I reeled off an impressive number of excuses. The bike
brake was rubbing against the wheel, my swim goggles kept
filling up with water. There were people doing relays, meaning
(12:07):
one person swam another bike in. Another ran. Oh well
that's unfair, that's what he said. That's not a triathlon.
Did Hercules finish one labor and then tell his cousin, Okay,
now you go sleigh hydra, great joke, uh spack, But
then Over the next five hours, my humiliation ebbed. Maybe
(12:31):
it was the post race plastic cup of champagne. Maybe
it was my son saying he loved doing a triathlon
with me, no matter what the outcome, whatever the reason.
By the time we arrived back in New York that evening,
my embarrassment had been replaced by pride. I had achieved
something more impressive than finishing a triathlon. I had reframed
(12:52):
my last place finished as a victory. I would do anything,
anything to hear aj tell the story anything. He's the best,
after all, I told myself the real victory was that
(13:14):
I didn't give up. I finished the race. I'm not
a loser. I showed Zaane that's his son, that not
winning is okay as long as you try your hardest.
And I wasn't really racing against others. I was racing
against myself. Plus my son did great, placing somewhere in
(13:34):
the middle of the pack. I love that he beat me.
I'm always confused when I hear stories of dads threatened
by their child's talent. I'm happy to have my kids
trounce me. So he finished last in the triathlon. I
love the story. I do I love everything about.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
It, which he said out not to do, but figured
out a to be happy with it.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Nonetheless, Yes, after five hours he figured out how to
be good with it.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Listen, I've learned a lot. My son just started middle
school cross country this year and that's been an interesting
experience as a fan. Not for him, but you definitely
have kids, whether they're on his school's team or the
other team, that instead of just jogging the entire time
at a very moderate mild pace, they walk half the
(14:32):
course and you do feel odd as they walk by
you clapping for them and don't. Yeah, but you you
want to cheer on even the opponent, even if you need.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Like yesterday we knew I don't clap when the other
team scores a goal.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
We were beaten up on Neilsville. But you still want
to encourage the kids.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's what their parents are for.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
They didn't have as big a turnout as John Pool
on Tuesday Ditty, but you feel you're standing right there.
It's the I had never been to across country meet.
The whole watching of it is strange because you're sort
of like, you don't see them.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
No, you do at the end if they do multiple
laps Oh, I see what you mean.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yes, so you're but you're in the middle of a field,
like it's just there's no rhyme or reason to where
you're standing. And then like once your kid comes by,
you have to rush to the finish to see them.
And it's been base I'm learning as I go along, right,
But when he talked about the part that raying most
familiar to me as as someone who's been cheering the
(15:41):
last couple of days for runners, that you got this
clapping in what did he say? A condescending enthusiasm.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yes, yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Don't what?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
No, well, don't walk number one.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's less of people stayed out on the course for him.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Okay, number two. Don't clap for the other team like
it's a goalie. You think I've I've clapped once.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
The meat was in hand. The meat was in hand.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I don't care. I don't care. We could be up
thirty to nothing and if they score one goal on
my kid, I ain't clapping, not at all.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Tuesday against John Poole, they only won by one point.
I didn't clap for any of those kids. When that
race was over, it wasn't obvious who had won. And
I was like, oh man, it was a close one.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
No, not at all. And by the way, my like
my other one who's not a goalie, they could be up.
They just beat a team like sixteen to two the
other day. Yeah, clapped as hard at number sixteen as
I did at number one.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Absolutely was that because somebody got to play that doesn't
usually get to play.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
No, no, no, ain't at all.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
The starters.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
No, up sixteen to two? We're I'm sorry, did we
not come here to play hockey?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
We didn't come here to play keep away? We didn't
come here to play past the puck. Jeez, all right,
I need to reach that goes out the window. Reframe
my fandom, like when like when they're young, it would
be like, let's not run up the score. You're college kids.
You don't want to get beaten. Tough crap. There were
(17:22):
two competitors. But you don't have to clap for the
other team. I'm not saying that you don't, but you
don't have you don't have, no, no, no, you don't
have to celebrate the other team.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
There were two runners that were told that it is
on TV. No, it is not a contact sport. It
looked like they were trying to tackle each other down
the stretch. Yes, okay, so you're not only cheering that
I would cheer a blowout, you're also cheering or yeah,
(17:52):
the physicality of cross country.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
We're trying to win, man, trying to win. Get your
elbows in on your left. Hey, combat's combat line six. Hi,
Elliott the morning.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Hey is this name?
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Hi? Who's this?
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This is Bobby.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
I've done a couple sprint triathlons.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
There are a lot of fun So sprint triathlon does
that still count as doing a triathlon? I don't mean
that with any offense. I'm asking no fair question.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I mean I think so it's governed by like the
USA Triathlon Association. You have to like have them by
a membership to it to do it, So I think
it's technically a triathlon.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Right. Have you ever finished last?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I have not finished lasts, but a pretty thing that
I So. I'm a reasonably good swimmer.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I grew up swimming.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I swim in college, but I'm not particularly good biker
or runner. And they do the seatings based on swimming,
so I'm often seated like you know, eight in the
whole race, and I do well in the pool and
then I finished like five hundred.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
When the whole thing is over.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
And I get a lot of on your left and
the people with the fan he bikes like quick click,
quick click click and blow by me.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
So all the people that you crushed in swimming with
a little bit of glee as they pass you.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yes, yes, and like I they they sharpie your scene
number onto you. So I'm walking around with like a
number five sharping on my arm and everybody's looking at
me like, oh, that guy must.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Be really good. Yeah, and then I'm saying place.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
It's a very it's a very funny experience that's hysterical.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
All right, dude, I appreciate it. Thank you, my friend.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
A lot of people. Elliott don't think that you could
finish the race.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I bet I could. Wait the not a full triathlon,
this one, oh the sprint, No.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
This one.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I think I could. I'm being honest. I think I could.
I thought you could too. But others are convinced, oh
Taco Belliot couldn't finish their trolls.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Chris writes Diane's Bill strike before Elliott finishes, not.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Zero chance, no, No, I mean, listen, she could throw.
She could throw a strike on the first one. That's fine,
Maybe she could. I could finish that race and not
be in last plight.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Matthew would love to see Elliott run a five k
after swimming and biking the I.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Listen, I didn't say I was good. Now everybody's treating
it like I just declared I'm winning. Oh, I'm gonna
win the sprint. No, I just don't think I'd finish
in last. I really don't think I'd finish in last.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Is that because Diane would bow out due to embarrassment?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Oh? Chief Peeve got on the bike. Oh it was
a water clean so loud. I have a speaker, whne too,
Hi Elliott the morning.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Hey, this is Jill and Richmond.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Hey Jill, how are you.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
I'm doing well. Just have a lot of experience in triathlon.
And I told h I said I'd hang on the
line if you guys have any questions the well, have.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
You done sprint marathons?
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Yeah? And for me it was a stepping stone. It
was a stepping stone to the Olympic distance, which led
to the half distance or what we call long course,
and then eventually to Iron Man. So as long as
you're swimming, biking, and running. It's a triathlon.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And so the triathlon, like a regular triathlon is is
that half of an iron Man?
Speaker 5 (21:21):
Well, again, that sprint distance is the shortest distance, although
there is something called a super sprint, and so again
it's as long as it's swim, bike, running. You're putting
it all together. It is a triathlon. Sprint tends to
be an entry level for a lot of people, you know,
but again it goes all the way up to the
full iron Man, which is one hundred and forty point
six miles.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Jesus Christ, now that trolls have at it, I ain't
finishing that. Not going to finish that. That would be amazing.
Have you done an iron Man or just triathlons?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
I have done an iron Man, and I've done actually
seven of them over the course of about ten years.
And and now I actually do announcing for iron Man,
which is really a lot of fun. So I'm kind
of the hype person. I'm the person that gets to
call them an iron Man at the finish line.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
The oh I thought you meant while they were running
and ck you got this can give them a lot.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
We give them a lot of encouragement all along the way.
But I wanted to say, regarding that gentleman's commentary about
his experience, I was happy to hear that people were
actually calling on your left, on your right, on your left, whatever,
because a lot of times on the bike course there
isn't enough communication. So I was happy to hear that
people were communicating.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
That's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Well, you know what, if I hear from Ajor, I'm
going to tell them that. I'm going to tell the Hey,
you know, it's a good thing. Those people that were
passing you, they were doing it the right way.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
If you're getting tapped, that sucks, but at least they're
signaling their intention, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Hey, let me ask you this. So you said you've
done seven iron Man's in the last eight years. Do
you do them all? I don't know. You're from Richmond.
Do you do them in Richmond? Or you do them
like all over the place?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
All over the place. That's one of the fun things,
at least about the Ironman brand is they have races
all over the world. So my thing was, I want
to make a vacation out of it, and I want
to go somewhere cool. If I'm going to have this
grueling day, and so that's what I did. So I've
done them, you know. Of course domestically I've done Louisville,
Corda Lane, Lake Placid, but then I've also done Cosinel
(23:23):
and like Whistler, Canada for example.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And you that's a vacation to you. I've gone on
vacation and smoke weed.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:33):
No, you get through a couple of days and you
do the race and then you can have fun after that.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
All right, I mean listen to each of their own
all right, very good, very good. I appreciate it. Thank you, ma'am,
thank you, thank you anyway. Good for aj I love it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Author and now triathlete, I love it.
When was the last time we talked to AJ Jacobs for.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The Year of Living constitution Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Oh that's right. So it was the Year of Living Constitutionally.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Something that like the beginning of the summer maybe, and.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Then the one before that was the Year of Living Biblically. Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
We talked to him many times between that.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yes, but like those were the year of ones that
I remember? Was there another year of he.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
First came into the spotlight with Biblically. Oh, it was
a TV show based on it as well. Oh that's right,
that's right. But then he did he wanted to be
the healthiest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Oh that's right. A lot of these the Guinea Pig diaries. Yeah,
AJ's awesome. I love AJ. But yes, he did the
Year of Living Constitutionally.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Ye.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Do we have a way to get in touch with Aj?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Sure, he have his number.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I mean, like right now, oh, like would he would
he would he pick up a phone and talk to
us right now? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I don't want to cold call him.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Well that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Would he be pissed?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I don't know what his schedule is with his kids.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's nine o'clock, his kids should be in school.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Probably in school.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Okay, now, who's got his number?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I have a number for him?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Can we call?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I mean you're gonna you're kind of catch him off guard.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
He really this is done through publicists.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I know, I know, but I don't feel like he
was using his publicist for a column that he just
wrote A J Jacobs just ran a triathlon?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
What he did?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I know? Right? And listen, we've seen AJ. Maybe people
have only heard AJ oh high Allien.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Well, now I want to taw.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
AJ and even the way like he would talk about
how how he was during the Remember he was part
of the reenactment in the Year of Living Constitutionally. It
doesn't make you think that AJ is a big triathletes.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
So would he have been in the midst of training
when we talked to him.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm looking for that. If the date is in here,
it was pretty recently. Would he have been in training? Maybe? No? No, no,
because now now that I'm remembering back through the column
he just wrote, he didn't really train and he did
a triathlon? Yes, yeah, up in Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So he's based out of New York. Why do he
go up to Boston?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Because I doubt if it was Boston. Well, it was
somewhere in Massachusetts, but I guess. And he did it
with his kid, who's a teenager who plays high school sports.
And his AJ said is in far better shape than
I am.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Am. I really setting this number to Kristen. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Please, And by the way, when you when you call AJ,
please be kind. I love AJ, like I'm not trying
to play gotcha with him or anything. I love AJ.
Didn't I tell you that he was doing some event
in Philly and Milkman's daughter went to see him speak. No, oh, yeah,
(03:09):
so he was. He was doing some event in Philadelphia
and Milkman's daughter, who just graduated from college, she went
to see him speak. And Sam sent me a note
and said, hey, you know him, don't you? And I said, well,
I mean yeah, And he said, well, my daughter's there,
and I was like, oh, please tell her to go
introduce herself. But she didn't, but she walked out of
(03:30):
there going he was great, Like he's a fascinating guy.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
So anyway, the triathlon that he did there, he is.
The triathlon that he did is kind of a compact triathlon,
So I guess there are different layers or different levels
of like it's riding a bike, yeah, it's running, and
it's swimming, And I guess there can be and I
(03:57):
didn't know this, there could be different lengths of each
one that still qualifies you as a triathlon. So the
one that he went to in Massachusetts was as compact
as can be but still be considered a triathlon.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So how much different is it than the Olympic Triathlon.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
When I signed up to do a triathlon a couple
of summers ago, I had one goal. It wasn't to
win the race, or even to place in the top
half of my age group. My goal was simple, not
to finish in last place. Second to last fine, just
so long as I was not the final person across
(04:37):
the finish line. I wanted to avoid the shame and
mockery of being in last place. I didn't need another
participation trophy like the one I got in fifth grade
on the day I peed my pants and had to
stay in the corner, hoping no one would notice. After all,
I was doing a triathlon with my sixteen year old son.
(04:59):
I didn't want him to see his dad as the
ultimate loser. I'm not much of an athlete. I type
emails while walking on my treadmill, but find lung burning
aerobic exercise deeply unpleasant. A race of any sort was
always going to be a stretch for me. But that summer,
(05:19):
my concerned wife urged me to get in shape, and
my son came up with an alarming drastic proposal. Hey, dad,
let's do a triathlon together.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Thanks son.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Since it was my son's idea, I couldn't say no,
what kind of message would that be sending? So I
searched online and I found a triathlon that was a
few weeks away in Massachusetts, a short four hour drive
from my New York apartment. The triathlon I found wasn't
a hardcore two mile swim, one hundred mile bike ride,
(05:53):
twenty six mile run. This race was shorter a sprint triathlon.
It was, in fact, the shortest race to technically qualify
as a triathlon, a quarter mile swim, a twelve mile ride,
and a three mile run.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
So it's drastically different. But that's not easy.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, his friend told him that's not an iron man.
That's barely a styrofoam man.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Thanks friend.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So anyway, he said he didn't really train like he
went out into Central Park and ran a couple of
times as like this sucks. So he didn't train. So
the day of the event, or maybe it was the
night before, he and his kid drove up to Massachusetts
and he said they car bloated.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
That's the best part.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
But he said, like everybody there was like like eating
like these gels. There's these supplements and yeah, like all
kinds of like energy boosters and like natural this and
beat you know, beat juice that and all kinds of stuff.
I didn't do any of that. So they started the
(07:11):
uh can't find him. Humph, That's okay. It's not like
he knew we were calling. We lined up by the
shore and splashed into the Atlantic Bay two by two.
The icy water made me gasp. My son immediately pulled
away with strong freestyle strokes. I resorted to the breaststroke.
After five minutes, I eventually rounded the last bowie and
(07:35):
made it back to land. I was in the bottom
half of the pack, but I was holding my own
perfect Yes. I ran to my bike, strapped on my helmet,
and started pedaling along the hilly back road course. Here's
what I heard for the next half hour. What on
your left? On your left on your left. These bikers
(08:03):
may have tried to sound neutral, but I could hear
the glee in their voices. They whizz by. After twelve miles,
I steered my bike through the sensors. I dropped lower
in the pack, but there were still there were still
racers behind me. That's his only goal, right The running
portion was my least favorite. Uh, no equipment to help,
(08:25):
just me my sneakers in the pavement. I huffed and
grimaced as runners past me on the left, but I
wasn't in last place. When I glanced back, I saw
a woman who looked to be in her seventies, huffing
and grimacing as much as I was. I told myself
(08:48):
I can take her. Just keep the feet moving. In
the third and final mile, her sneaker steps got louder
and faster. She found a second wind. What the hell?
(09:09):
Maybe I should have had the Chia mango energy jell.
I watched her pull away and disappear around a bend.
There I was alone, So he's in last place, well,
not totally alone. I passed the occasional spectator, still lining
the street, patiently ringing a cow bell and shouting with
(09:32):
condescending kindness. You got this, I refused to walk, even
though walking would have been faster than my current foot
dragging running worse though, I was joined by a four
wheeled symbol of shame, the official triathlon ambulance, puttering ten
(09:54):
feet behind me as I almost collapsed. How great is he?
Finally I crossed the finish line. I finished one hundred
and twenty first out of one hundred and twenty one racers.
My son was there, recording my accomplishment with his iPhone.
(10:19):
He hugged and congratulated me. I was embarrassed and angry.
Do you think if we all went and ran a
shortened triathlon right now, do you think any of us
would finish in last?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
No, no, no, The answer is no.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That's all age groups, just like he clearly was running with.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, the answer is no, Well doing it with that?
He followed, Yes, only the running person. I think the
answer is no. I don't think we'd be able to
stick together. No, And I'm not a triathlete, but I
guarantee you I wouldn't finish last.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
How many pool links would a quarter mile swim be? I?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Swimming would be the hardest part. Yeah, swimming would be
the hardest part. Like, unless you're Katie Ledecki or Tory Husk.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
But I mean that's something you definitely have to train for.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I know a guy that didn't. Okay, and by the way,
he wasn't losing that right. He did say he switched
to breaststroke.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So that would be eight back and forth fifty meters
for the Olympic size pool.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Wait, so it's there is one back is two or
there in back one there and back two, there in
back three.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
And there and back and then you're done.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Oh so it's only eight. I could do that.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
It's for you need to do four hundred meters in
the pool.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I could do that. Oh I could totally do that,
not fast, fast enough that I wouldn't be in last
I reeled off an impressive number of excuses. The bike
brake was rubbing against the wheel, my swim goggles kept
filling up with water. There were people doing relays, meaning
(12:07):
one person swam another bike in. Another ran. Oh well
that's unfair, that's what he said. That's not a triathlon.
Did Hercules finish one labor and then tell his cousin, Okay,
now you go sleigh hydra, great joke, uh spack, But
then Over the next five hours, my humiliation ebbed. Maybe
(12:31):
it was the post race plastic cup of champagne. Maybe
it was my son saying he loved doing a triathlon
with me, no matter what the outcome, whatever the reason.
By the time we arrived back in New York that evening,
my embarrassment had been replaced by pride. I had achieved
something more impressive than finishing a triathlon. I had reframed
(12:52):
my last place finished as a victory. I would do anything,
anything to hear aj tell the story anything. He's the best,
after all, I told myself the real victory was that
(13:14):
I didn't give up. I finished the race. I'm not
a loser. I showed Zaane that's his son, that not
winning is okay as long as you try your hardest.
And I wasn't really racing against others. I was racing
against myself. Plus my son did great, placing somewhere in
(13:34):
the middle of the pack. I love that he beat me.
I'm always confused when I hear stories of dads threatened
by their child's talent. I'm happy to have my kids
trounce me. So he finished last in the triathlon. I
love the story. I do I love everything about.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
It, which he said out not to do, but figured
out a to be happy with it.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Nonetheless, Yes, after five hours he figured out how to
be good with it.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Listen, I've learned a lot. My son just started middle
school cross country this year and that's been an interesting
experience as a fan. Not for him, but you definitely
have kids, whether they're on his school's team or the
other team, that instead of just jogging the entire time
at a very moderate mild pace, they walk half the
(14:32):
course and you do feel odd as they walk by
you clapping for them and don't. Yeah, but you you
want to cheer on even the opponent, even if you need.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Like yesterday we knew I don't clap when the other
team scores a goal.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
We were beaten up on Neilsville. But you still want
to encourage the kids.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's what their parents are for.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
They didn't have as big a turnout as John Pool
on Tuesday Ditty, but you feel you're standing right there.
It's the I had never been to across country meet.
The whole watching of it is strange because you're sort
of like, you don't see them.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
No, you do at the end if they do multiple
laps Oh, I see what you mean.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yes, so you're but you're in the middle of a field,
like it's just there's no rhyme or reason to where
you're standing. And then like once your kid comes by,
you have to rush to the finish to see them.
And it's been base I'm learning as I go along, right,
But when he talked about the part that raying most
familiar to me as as someone who's been cheering the
(15:41):
last couple of days for runners, that you got this
clapping in what did he say? A condescending enthusiasm.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yes, yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Don't what?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
No, well, don't walk number one.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's less of people stayed out on the course for him.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Okay, number two. Don't clap for the other team like
it's a goalie. You think I've I've clapped once.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
The meat was in hand. The meat was in hand.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I don't care. I don't care. We could be up
thirty to nothing and if they score one goal on
my kid, I ain't clapping, not at all.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Tuesday against John Poole, they only won by one point.
I didn't clap for any of those kids. When that
race was over, it wasn't obvious who had won. And
I was like, oh man, it was a close one.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
No, not at all. And by the way, my like
my other one who's not a goalie, they could be up.
They just beat a team like sixteen to two the
other day. Yeah, clapped as hard at number sixteen as
I did at number one.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Absolutely was that because somebody got to play that doesn't
usually get to play.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
No, no, no, ain't at all.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
The starters.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
No, up sixteen to two? We're I'm sorry, did we
not come here to play hockey?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
We didn't come here to play keep away? We didn't
come here to play past the puck. Jeez, all right,
I need to reach that goes out the window. Reframe
my fandom, like when like when they're young, it would
be like, let's not run up the score. You're college kids.
You don't want to get beaten. Tough crap. There were
(17:22):
two competitors. But you don't have to clap for the
other team. I'm not saying that you don't, but you
don't have you don't have, no, no, no, you don't
have to celebrate the other team.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
There were two runners that were told that it is
on TV. No, it is not a contact sport. It
looked like they were trying to tackle each other down
the stretch. Yes, okay, so you're not only cheering that
I would cheer a blowout, you're also cheering or yeah,
(17:52):
the physicality of cross country.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
We're trying to win, man, trying to win. Get your
elbows in on your left. Hey, combat's combat line six. Hi,
Elliott the morning.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Hey is this name?
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Hi? Who's this?
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This is Bobby.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
I've done a couple sprint triathlons.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
There are a lot of fun So sprint triathlon does
that still count as doing a triathlon? I don't mean
that with any offense. I'm asking no fair question.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I mean I think so it's governed by like the
USA Triathlon Association. You have to like have them by
a membership to it to do it, So I think
it's technically a triathlon.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Right. Have you ever finished last?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I have not finished lasts, but a pretty thing that
I So. I'm a reasonably good swimmer.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I grew up swimming.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I swim in college, but I'm not particularly good biker
or runner. And they do the seatings based on swimming,
so I'm often seated like you know, eight in the
whole race, and I do well in the pool and
then I finished like five hundred.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
When the whole thing is over.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
And I get a lot of on your left and
the people with the fan he bikes like quick click,
quick click click and blow by me.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
So all the people that you crushed in swimming with
a little bit of glee as they pass you.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yes, yes, and like I they they sharpie your scene
number onto you. So I'm walking around with like a
number five sharping on my arm and everybody's looking at
me like, oh, that guy must.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Be really good. Yeah, and then I'm saying place.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
It's a very it's a very funny experience that's hysterical.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
All right, dude, I appreciate it. Thank you, my friend.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
A lot of people. Elliott don't think that you could
finish the race.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I bet I could. Wait the not a full triathlon,
this one, oh the sprint, No.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
This one.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I think I could. I'm being honest. I think I could.
I thought you could too. But others are convinced, oh
Taco Belliot couldn't finish their trolls.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Chris writes Diane's Bill strike before Elliott finishes, not.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Zero chance, no, No, I mean, listen, she could throw.
She could throw a strike on the first one. That's fine,
Maybe she could. I could finish that race and not
be in last plight.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Matthew would love to see Elliott run a five k
after swimming and biking the I.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Listen, I didn't say I was good. Now everybody's treating
it like I just declared I'm winning. Oh, I'm gonna
win the sprint. No, I just don't think I'd finish
in last. I really don't think I'd finish in last.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Is that because Diane would bow out due to embarrassment?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Oh? Chief Peeve got on the bike. Oh it was
a water clean so loud. I have a speaker, whne too,
Hi Elliott the morning.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Hey, this is Jill and Richmond.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Hey Jill, how are you.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
I'm doing well. Just have a lot of experience in triathlon.
And I told h I said I'd hang on the
line if you guys have any questions the well, have.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
You done sprint marathons?
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Yeah? And for me it was a stepping stone. It
was a stepping stone to the Olympic distance, which led
to the half distance or what we call long course,
and then eventually to Iron Man. So as long as
you're swimming, biking, and running. It's a triathlon.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And so the triathlon, like a regular triathlon is is
that half of an iron Man?
Speaker 5 (21:21):
Well, again, that sprint distance is the shortest distance, although
there is something called a super sprint, and so again
it's as long as it's swim, bike, running. You're putting
it all together. It is a triathlon. Sprint tends to
be an entry level for a lot of people, you know,
but again it goes all the way up to the
full iron Man, which is one hundred and forty point
six miles.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Jesus Christ, now that trolls have at it, I ain't
finishing that. Not going to finish that. That would be amazing.
Have you done an iron Man or just triathlons?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
I have done an iron Man, and I've done actually
seven of them over the course of about ten years.
And and now I actually do announcing for iron Man,
which is really a lot of fun. So I'm kind
of the hype person. I'm the person that gets to
call them an iron Man at the finish line.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
The oh I thought you meant while they were running
and ck you got this can give them a lot.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
We give them a lot of encouragement all along the way.
But I wanted to say, regarding that gentleman's commentary about
his experience, I was happy to hear that people were
actually calling on your left, on your right, on your left, whatever,
because a lot of times on the bike course there
isn't enough communication. So I was happy to hear that
people were communicating.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
That's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Well, you know what, if I hear from Ajor, I'm
going to tell them that. I'm going to tell the Hey,
you know, it's a good thing. Those people that were
passing you, they were doing it the right way.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
If you're getting tapped, that sucks, but at least they're
signaling their intention, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Hey, let me ask you this. So you said you've
done seven iron Man's in the last eight years. Do
you do them all? I don't know. You're from Richmond.
Do you do them in Richmond? Or you do them
like all over the place?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
All over the place. That's one of the fun things,
at least about the Ironman brand is they have races
all over the world. So my thing was, I want
to make a vacation out of it, and I want
to go somewhere cool. If I'm going to have this
grueling day, and so that's what I did. So I've
done them, you know. Of course domestically I've done Louisville,
Corda Lane, Lake Placid, but then I've also done Cosinel
(23:23):
and like Whistler, Canada for example.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And you that's a vacation to you. I've gone on
vacation and smoke weed.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:33):
No, you get through a couple of days and you
do the race and then you can have fun after that.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
All right, I mean listen to each of their own
all right, very good, very good. I appreciate it. Thank you, ma'am,
thank you, thank you anyway. Good for aj I love it.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Author and now triathlete, I love it.
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