October 29, 2025 • 24 mins
EITM interviews Bert Kreischer
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Elliott. How are you doing, brother?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I am doing well. What's with the oversized testicles this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Oversized testicles? What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You sound very deep this morning, like very deep.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think I ruined my voice. I threw up in Spokane, Washington,
partying one night, and I think I messed up my
voice forever.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Wait. How long ago did you puke in Spokane?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I had to be a couple of years ago. It
was the day before I did the Greek I had
to go in and get steroid shots and uh and
I threw up aggressively, I mean in my underwear outside
my tour bus in front of a Holiday and Express
and I was like, someone's gonna videotape this, this is
going viral, and uh it was. It was the damn
(00:54):
Irish car bombs. I did five Iris car bombs right
before I went to meds.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Anyway, So Bert, real quick, before before we start getting
into stuff, I want to run something by you and
let me know if we can do this.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I'm ready?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
So I was looking at your tour schedule for the
permission to party world tour, right, So you play Friday
night follow me here Friday night November the fourteenth at
CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore, right the then Sunday night,
November sixteenth at the Altria Theater in Richmond.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Here's my question, here's my question.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Would you get in trouble if you canceled Hershey on
Saturday so you could just come to DC and we
hang out.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah? I don't know if I'd get in trouble. I
get sued. Dude.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That would be so much fun though.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, that would be a blast. Hey, I got a
great idea. Why don't you come to my show Friday Baltimore.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, well that's fine, but then Saturday, just don't
do Hershey and we'll hang out.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, let me look into it. Let me I'm gonna
put a pin in that. And uh yeah, that sounds
like a great idea. Hey, do you know what, Hey,
do you know what I did? Do you know what
I did the other day? I was swearing or I've
never done this?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
What'd you do?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I walked? I was I was at the University of
Oregon and I walked into the ATO House and I
walked in and I was like, Hey, I'm a I'm
an alumni. I want a beer and the kids lost
their minds. They were like shot off, shot off. I mean,
I had forty kids in the upstairs hall and they
(02:45):
were like, they were like, we were killing beers and
they were asking me questions. The best moment and this
is the broest thing. And I know that there's girls
are gonna roll their eyes, but we're talking about fraternities.
We're talking about toxic mail. Energy. Kid had to be
four foot eleven. He was a pledge. And they're like,
they're like, they're like, Danny, Danny, tell Bert about your
(03:08):
kill sheep. And he's like, he's like real confident. He goes,
I'm having sex with every tried help on the campus.
And I said really, and he goes, he goes, yep.
And then he points to their composite in his room
and there's one face with an ex marked out, and
I go, who's that? And he goes, that's the only
one I've got so far. I looked at him. I go, buddy,
(03:34):
it always starts with one, and he goes, thank you, Bert,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Hey, Can I stay in the Can I stay in
college world?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Then with you for a second, yes, yes, I saw
a clip of you on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Dude, How awesome was the Florida State pump up a moment.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Uh. I would say, top five life experiences ever, top
five Bert performing out of his swing zone. Dude. They
said to me technically, they were like, here's what we
need you to do. Just go up and say God
Bless the troops, God Bless America, ladies and gentlemen's part.
You're angin right, And I was like, I was like sure.
So me and Seagirl took over a bar that morning.
(04:18):
We get hammered and I'm talking to Tom about what
I'm not saying. He goes, Dude, he goes, if I
know you, He goes, the one thing you're good at
is hyping people up. Your pump up speeches. You're never
quit drinking is my favorite speeches. And he goes, do
not listen to what they're saying. Talk from the hip
and just say everything you feel about this school. And
he's like, you love Florida State. Just talk about the school.
(04:40):
I walked out. It was so thrown together. At the
last minute. The guy producing it just gave me a mike.
He goes, you're on and I went what all of
a sudden, the marching band's behind me, and I'm like,
I'm like, I'm going and I had no time to
think about it. And when I dropped, I was baptized
in this end zone when there were wooden bleachers. When
(05:00):
that spear hit the seminal head, tears streamed down my face.
Those tears were garn it and gold. I heard ninety
thousand people erupt and I went, oh, I'm in the zone.
This is the house that Bobby Bowden built. Ninety thousand people.
Oh dude, it was the best and all that happened.
I walked through the whole stadium that day and just
(05:21):
all anyone said, dude, you fired me up. You fired
me up.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
The clip, the clip on YouTube is so good. It
is great.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Oh it's the It's the highlight of my life. I'll
never do another pump up speech ever again.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Now I do. I do want to ask you one
other college football question.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Did you new phone? Who this to Bill Belichick?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah? His texts are so cryptic. It's like he was like, hey, BK,
it's BC HC at U and see. And I was like, huh.
I was so confused. And then I was like, new phone,
(06:07):
who does? And then and then I realized I started
putting together. I was like you and North Carolina. I
was like, oh my god. So I texted Gronk and
Julian Edelman and I was like, I was like, yo,
is this Belichick's number? And both of them are like,
we don't have his phone number? And I was like
for real and they're like, yeah, we don't have his
(06:30):
phone number. And I go, well, does this sound like
a texted sent and they go, that's that's coach Belichick.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I love that. I love that. All right, let me
go back.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
To the beginning. I'm supposed to go to games.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, go let me go back to the beginning.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
So now that like, now that we are in full
tour mode, are we done?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Are we done filming? Where are we with the Netflix
series Bert?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is wrapped? It is five episodes are in the can,
meaning that we've edited five episodes and we're editing the
sixth right now. And uh, it's I mean, it's I
think it's really good. You know, I don't know. Everyone
likes it. Everyone that's seen it likes it, and uh,
you know, I don't know. You never know what those
(07:14):
scripted things. I hope it works. I hope people will
enjoy it. It's pretty bizarre and it's pretty out there
and it's but it's grounded in reality, It's grounded in
my life, but it still is like a wild kind
of story.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
All right, do we do well? First of all, do
you what? Do you know what it's going to be
out out?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah? January twenty second. I'm not supposed to tell you that,
but yeah January okay, Yeah, premiere is January twenty second.
They just told me that the other day.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
And do you like the I remember we talked about
this with the movie Burt. Do you like everybody that
they got to be your family?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes? The girl roles Ila is in my opinion, kind
of steals the show. The girl plays Eilah. He's just incredible.
Georgia has the heaviest lift because this story is primarily
about Georgia. And then yeah, I pan picked Arden. She's
just amazing. She plays Leanne. But the crazy part is, like,
(08:22):
even we started this, we started this script was just
about me and my family. We wrote a pilot, we
shot the pilot, they tested the pilot on Netflix, they
released it on Netflix and people loved it, so then
they picked up the series. So then in writing the series,
we had this idea of a pilot, and we had
had people that showed up for the pilot for like
a day roll. They had two lines and they just
(08:43):
came in. This guy Chris Wat's what I forget how
you said his last name? This guy, guy Chris did
had two lines, like three lines, and then we just
used him and wrote him a storyline and now he
plays the villain. This guy that did like a favor
for us and said two lines is now a major
lead in the show. And the other people we added
to the show are awesome, and it's taken all a
(09:05):
life of itself. It's the Bizarrest. You're going to see this.
You're gonna call me and you're gonna go, how did
you come up with this theory? How did you come
up with this idea? Right? And then I'm going to
tell you the truth and you're going to lose your mind.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Okay, but don bac du. You're not telling me that
until I see it on the twenty second.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
When you see it on the twenty second, you're gonna say,
how did you come up with this? And then I'm
and then you're gonna call me privately and I'll tell
you all right, and I'll say and you're gonna lose
your mind.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Hey, real quick Arden who plays Leanne? If I remember
in the movie when you did the movie, you purposely
made sure that there was a lot of kissing scenes
in the movie.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Same thing in the TV show.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, I couldn't. I tried to slide one in, but
it was kind of looks like I was just friend
to kiss her. I got one. I got one kiss in,
and I counted it. It's like Sura. Did you see
Segura's bad thoughts? He had like nine sex scenes where like,
we get it, we get it, you want an open relationship.
(10:12):
Where did you?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Where did you?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Where did you end up filming the Uh? When when
did you film the Where did you film the show?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
We should filmed it in Atlanta over the summer. We
did it for like two months, and it was so fun.
Here's the thing I can't tell like, I only watched
me when I watched the show, so I can't get
I can't tell you the show is good because I
haven't seen anyone else act in it. Right, I just
stare it in my face the whole time. I am
(10:38):
awesome in it. But I think that the people are
good too, all Right.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I want to. I want to make sure I get
to a couple of other things real quickly.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I saw an episode of Two Bears that you did
with Segura, and and I think, I think I have
this right. If and if and if not, you'll you'll
help me. So you finished like you said you were.
You were filming in Atlanta, and you end up filming.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
You finished filming the the Netflix series.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
And when you finish, you and Leanne decide that you
are going to go just on like a quick vacation
to get away with each other, and the two of
you go to Hawaii.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I think I have that right.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
And while you're gone, your bull mastiff had to be
put to sleep, so you had you had your assistant
take the dog to be put down, but you made
your assistant do it on FaceTime so you could see it.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yep, you got that right. Hold on, it's actually it's
actually worse than that.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I didn't mean to bump it up and make it
sound so good.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, it's it's way worse than that. So, first of all,
he wasn't my assistant anymore. He hadn't been my assistant
for like two months, so he was Now I'm calling
my old assistant because Isla, we We're all sitting in
the hotel room and Ila's like, wait, we need we
can't have the person putting him down hold the camera.
(12:17):
And Isla's like mac Nee's view of so many loves.
Isla goes call Pete, and I go, you know, Pete
doesn't work for anym anymore. She goes, it doesn't matter.
He's like a brother to me. Call Pete. So I
called Peter. Now here's what you don't know. And this
is a secret that I don't think. I'm just gonna
tell you. Pete lost his sister at a very young age,
and he lost his mom at a young age. So
Pete has a lot of unspoken for trauma of surrounding
(12:40):
death that he doesn't approach, nor does he deal with,
nor is he in therapy for. And we send him
in to put down a dog, and Buddy, it was
the hardest moment for Pete. You're watching Pete break down,
Ilah's breaking down, everyone's crying, and the phone was on
your directly on Max's nostrils. So we're watching Max literally
(13:03):
take his last breath. My dad is texting me the
whole time. Yo, buddy, we have a tea time, let's go.
And I'm like, Dad, I'm in the middle of something.
He's like, I know, don't make a meal out of it, though,
it's just a dog. And I'm like, I'm like, Dad,
I'm in the middle of something. He goes, I know,
but I'm your father. I've got maybe seven years last.
(13:24):
The dog's dead. It's already dead. Let's spend time together,
me and you, and then and then, and then I
literally put the dog down. Pete's shaking, crying. He's crying
so hard. Island George and Leanne are sobbing uncontrollably. I
watched Mac take his last breath, and I go, all right,
I go play golf with my dad and they're like what.
(13:45):
I was like, I don't have the same relationship you
have with me. I can't say no to that man.
So I went out and play golf with my dad.
Here's the worst part, Elliott. I played the best golf
of my life there ever. On the seventh hold, my
dad looks at me, he goes, buddy, you should kill
a dog time you go play golf, dude. It was
(14:07):
It was rough. And then we had five more days
in Hawaii, which was nice.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hey, but can you can you tell the part? So
that's all great, but then it takes a really weird turn.
Can you tell the part about Georgia at the restaurant?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh? Wait, which which part at the restaurants?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Okay, now I don't know which. I don't know what
other story there could be. Wasn't Georgia working at a
restaurant and somebody came in with a book?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yes? Okay, yes, so yes. So then two weeks later,
George's Georgia works at a restaurant where she goes to college.
She's a waitress and she walks up and this lady says, uh, Georgia,
season has a and she goes, oh, I we have
(15:02):
bull mastifs. And she goes do you and Georgie said yeah.
He goes as a matter of fact, we just had
to put our big guy down. And she goes, oh
my god, that's so terrible. And then the lady said,
where did you guys get your bull mastiff? Georgie goes
Arizona and she goes, oh, that's where I got mine.
Do you know the kennel? And Georgia goes, uh, yeah,
Desert Sky and she goes, I got mine from desert sky.
(15:25):
She goes, wait, how old was your dog? And Georgia
goes five. She George. Lady looks at George and she goes,
He's five. Do you know what literate's from? And George's like,
hold on, she calls Leanne is from like Johnny Cash
and uh and and and why nett or whatever? I forget.
The two dogs are named after a country music stars.
(15:46):
And Georgie goes over and tells the lady and the
lady goes, your dog was my dog's brother, and George's
like what She's like, this is Mac's sister in the
restaurant in Oregon, in I mean. Georgia starts falling, looks
at this dog and realizes it is the spitting image
(16:06):
of Mac.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Isn't crazy?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And then the lady's like, it's insane. It is insane,
And then Georgia literally The lady says, you know, I travel.
Is there any chance you'd ever want a house sit
and watch my dog? And Georgia's like, are you kidding me?
I'll do it for free? So isn't that crazy? That
is the wildest story. I thought you were talking about
(16:28):
the restaurant we went to that night after we put
down our dog was we went to a we went
to a my my brother in law, a Disney adult
and so we went to a Disney property's lu al
and I was livid. I was livid. I mean I
(16:49):
got there, I murdered four drinks and the guy goes,
you must be thirsty. They're on a table. There are
blue lions, like I put my dog down, and he goes,
there's no alcohol in those, and I was like, oh
my god. It was yeah, it was. That was the
whole trip. The whole trip was.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
The last thing and then I'm gonna have to let
you jump. You know what.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
I absolutely loved. What I thought was one of the
one of the best things I've seen in forever.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You know, I love you, and you know I love
Todd Glass.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
The two of you doing the podcast together was one
of the greatest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Let me tell you, Todd Glass is the national treasure
and his energy is exactly you know. I'm so lost
on that cast because I don't want to talk about politics,
and I don't want them to talk about trans rights
and whatever is popular and podcasting right now. It's not
what I'm interested in. I'm interested in just being goofy
(17:50):
and having a good time in giggling, and that is
not what is uh clickbait these days. It's just not.
You got to be talking to politicians. And by the way,
I'm talking about my friends. I love my friends and
I love that they're interested in this stuff. It's so important.
I'm just not And it's not getting the views That
Podglass podcast has seven thousand views. That's it. That's what
(18:13):
we'll all it'll ever get. People are actually avoiding it.
But it is the funnest podcast. It is the It
is what podcastings should be. It is so ridiculous for
those of you who haven't watched it, and that's everyone.
Pod Glass comes over and he brings gifts for me,
and one of the gifts he brings me is an
oil lamp, and he says, you know, everyone likes to
(18:35):
sit by the fire, but sometimes you can't. You don't
have an outdoor space to do it. But if you
put this on in a room and you crank it up,
it feels like you're at a fire because it flickers.
And then he lights a pine cone on fire and
he blows it out and he goes, now it smells
like a fire. And then we turn the TV that
says bird cast, because that's brandings, that's what you don't
want to podcast. We just turn it off and we
(18:56):
put on it raining and a window like we're in
the woods. And then we got high, and I swear
to God, I thought we were in the woods. I
escaped for like four hours and felt like I was
in the woods with Todd Glass. And it was so
fun and just the way Todd loves to do a
bit like I was like, Todd, take a bite of
(19:18):
something and pretend you're inducting me into the Hall of
Fame of Comedy. And then he does it and he's
so funny. But that's not what gets views these days.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So it was.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So good. It's so good, it's so fun. And then
I did one with Ronda Ralty the other day and
she crashes Rogan. That'll get millions of you.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I decided I want to come do Here's something that
will never happen, but in.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
My mind I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I want to go to Palm Springs with you and
Todd Glass to go see Paul Anka in concert.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He just sent me a link for tickets. I swear
to God, his text pod glasses. Texts are Sometimes when
I'm sad, I just open up his text chained to me,
and it's like it's like I swear to I swear
on your life and your family's life. You don't answer
my texts. I hope you get aids. I hope you die,
(20:17):
and I hope the last thing you see is my
face giggling at your death. And then he writes next text, sorry,
that was meant for my sister. Is you know whatever,
the funniest guy in the world. He is the funniest
guy in the world. And it's I mean, listen, it's listen.
I get click baby too. I you know, like I
(20:40):
understand how it works. I understand that. You know, YouTube
is the medium and everyone you want to the outrage
is what sells things. Sure, but man, sometimes just good
old funny and like it's like so enjoyable to forget
about your problems.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
And watch two grown men, two middle.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Aged men pretend they're camping on a podcast because they're
so high. It's I mean, that's that's the world. I
want to live it.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
You know what made me laugh so hard?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
He said something to you and he was trying to
be funny and it bombed. It just didn't go over
and he said, hey, Bert, that was so and so's
make a wish. He wanted me to say it on
your podcast. So thank you for giving me the time.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
He said, do you know this is my favorite thing?
He said, he goes every time you do a podcast,
people go, hey, take it out? Can you edit that out?
He goes, People never say can you edit this in?
And then two weeks later he sent me a list
of things and asked if I could edit them into
the podcast. He is, he is brilliant man, And I like,
(21:48):
I said, I'm I'm, i'm I'm thinking of something else
to do with bird cast, just because I did that
one and it was so fun and I was like, man,
I don't want to have to bring people on just
to how to find drama. And then got to deal
with drama. I mean, I got it's like duse everyone.
So it becomes such a pain in the ass because
(22:10):
you don't know who you talk about, and and you're
not even saying anything mean. Sometimes you just say something
factual and then you get a phone call from Pete
David Stond He's like, can you edit that out of
the podcast? Like, dude, well, I don't even know you,
all right. I mean, it's insane to me. It's insane
to me that I that I like, it's not worth
(22:33):
my energy to have to deal with what is happening
in this world.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Okay, I gotta know what did Pete Davidson one out
of the podcast, I some.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Songs Charlie Days sang that was hysterical, and I guess
I don't know. I don't know. Hey, we're going to
get a call from Pete today when he hears this.
It's like for the guy that is so hands off
with media. He mean, he's got his his lawyers nails,
(23:03):
all right.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Three days.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Not even gonna say it now because because sadly, I've
always liked Pete Davidson. I've always thought he was a
nice guy. But like you know, and so and I,
you know, I don't have any I don't have a
problem with him, but his lawyers have a problem with me.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Three dates of note January twenty second is what I'm
being told. That's the premiere for Bert series on Netflix Friday,
November fourteenth. The Permission to Party World Tour will be
at CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Sunday, November sixteenth.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
The Permission to Party World Tour will be at the
Aultre of Theater in Richmond. Gotta work on canceling that
Hershey date, Bert, I appreciate it. Good to talk to you,
my friend.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love you, guys. I love you guys. Hey, if
I'm there Friday, why don't I come in studio Friday morning? Okay, done,
I'll see you in studio.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
All right, buddy, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
All right, Love you guys, all right, Love you too.
Landman
Elliott. How are you doing, brother?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I am doing well. What's with the oversized testicles this morning?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Oversized testicles? What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You sound very deep this morning, like very deep.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I think I ruined my voice. I threw up in Spokane, Washington,
partying one night, and I think I messed up my
voice forever.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Wait. How long ago did you puke in Spokane?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I had to be a couple of years ago. It
was the day before I did the Greek I had
to go in and get steroid shots and uh and
I threw up aggressively, I mean in my underwear outside
my tour bus in front of a Holiday and Express
and I was like, someone's gonna videotape this, this is
going viral, and uh it was. It was the damn
(00:54):
Irish car bombs. I did five Iris car bombs right
before I went to meds.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Anyway, So Bert, real quick, before before we start getting
into stuff, I want to run something by you and
let me know if we can do this.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I'm ready?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
So I was looking at your tour schedule for the
permission to party world tour, right, So you play Friday
night follow me here Friday night November the fourteenth at
CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore, right the then Sunday night,
November sixteenth at the Altria Theater in Richmond.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Here's my question, here's my question.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Would you get in trouble if you canceled Hershey on
Saturday so you could just come to DC and we
hang out.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah? I don't know if I'd get in trouble. I
get sued. Dude.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That would be so much fun though.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, that would be a blast. Hey, I got a
great idea. Why don't you come to my show Friday Baltimore.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, well that's fine, but then Saturday, just don't
do Hershey and we'll hang out.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, let me look into it. Let me I'm gonna
put a pin in that. And uh yeah, that sounds
like a great idea. Hey, do you know what, Hey,
do you know what I did? Do you know what
I did the other day? I was swearing or I've
never done this?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
What'd you do?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I walked? I was I was at the University of
Oregon and I walked into the ATO House and I
walked in and I was like, Hey, I'm a I'm
an alumni. I want a beer and the kids lost
their minds. They were like shot off, shot off. I mean,
I had forty kids in the upstairs hall and they
(02:45):
were like, they were like, we were killing beers and
they were asking me questions. The best moment and this
is the broest thing. And I know that there's girls
are gonna roll their eyes, but we're talking about fraternities.
We're talking about toxic mail. Energy. Kid had to be
four foot eleven. He was a pledge. And they're like,
they're like, they're like, Danny, Danny, tell Bert about your
(03:08):
kill sheep. And he's like, he's like real confident. He goes,
I'm having sex with every tried help on the campus.
And I said really, and he goes, he goes, yep.
And then he points to their composite in his room
and there's one face with an ex marked out, and
I go, who's that? And he goes, that's the only
one I've got so far. I looked at him. I go, buddy,
(03:34):
it always starts with one, and he goes, thank you, Bert,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Hey, Can I stay in the Can I stay in
college world?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Then with you for a second, yes, yes, I saw
a clip of you on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Dude, How awesome was the Florida State pump up a moment.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Uh. I would say, top five life experiences ever, top
five Bert performing out of his swing zone. Dude. They
said to me technically, they were like, here's what we
need you to do. Just go up and say God
Bless the troops, God Bless America, ladies and gentlemen's part.
You're angin right, And I was like, I was like sure.
So me and Seagirl took over a bar that morning.
(04:18):
We get hammered and I'm talking to Tom about what
I'm not saying. He goes, Dude, he goes, if I
know you, He goes, the one thing you're good at
is hyping people up. Your pump up speeches. You're never
quit drinking is my favorite speeches. And he goes, do
not listen to what they're saying. Talk from the hip
and just say everything you feel about this school. And
he's like, you love Florida State. Just talk about the school.
(04:40):
I walked out. It was so thrown together. At the
last minute. The guy producing it just gave me a mike.
He goes, you're on and I went what all of
a sudden, the marching band's behind me, and I'm like,
I'm like, I'm going and I had no time to
think about it. And when I dropped, I was baptized
in this end zone when there were wooden bleachers. When
(05:00):
that spear hit the seminal head, tears streamed down my face.
Those tears were garn it and gold. I heard ninety
thousand people erupt and I went, oh, I'm in the zone.
This is the house that Bobby Bowden built. Ninety thousand people.
Oh dude, it was the best and all that happened.
I walked through the whole stadium that day and just
(05:21):
all anyone said, dude, you fired me up. You fired
me up.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
The clip, the clip on YouTube is so good. It
is great.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Oh it's the It's the highlight of my life. I'll
never do another pump up speech ever again.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Now I do. I do want to ask you one
other college football question.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Did you new phone? Who this to Bill Belichick?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah? His texts are so cryptic. It's like he was like, hey, BK,
it's BC HC at U and see. And I was like, huh.
I was so confused. And then I was like, new phone,
(06:07):
who does? And then and then I realized I started
putting together. I was like you and North Carolina. I
was like, oh my god. So I texted Gronk and
Julian Edelman and I was like, I was like, yo,
is this Belichick's number? And both of them are like,
we don't have his phone number? And I was like
for real and they're like, yeah, we don't have his
(06:30):
phone number. And I go, well, does this sound like
a texted sent and they go, that's that's coach Belichick.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I love that. I love that. All right, let me
go back.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
To the beginning. I'm supposed to go to games.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, go let me go back to the beginning.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
So now that like, now that we are in full
tour mode, are we done?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Are we done filming? Where are we with the Netflix
series Bert?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is wrapped? It is five episodes are in the can,
meaning that we've edited five episodes and we're editing the
sixth right now. And uh, it's I mean, it's I
think it's really good. You know, I don't know. Everyone
likes it. Everyone that's seen it likes it, and uh,
you know, I don't know. You never know what those
(07:14):
scripted things. I hope it works. I hope people will
enjoy it. It's pretty bizarre and it's pretty out there
and it's but it's grounded in reality, It's grounded in
my life, but it still is like a wild kind
of story.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
All right, do we do well? First of all, do
you what? Do you know what it's going to be
out out?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah? January twenty second. I'm not supposed to tell you that,
but yeah January okay, Yeah, premiere is January twenty second.
They just told me that the other day.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
And do you like the I remember we talked about
this with the movie Burt. Do you like everybody that
they got to be your family?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes? The girl roles Ila is in my opinion, kind
of steals the show. The girl plays Eilah. He's just incredible.
Georgia has the heaviest lift because this story is primarily
about Georgia. And then yeah, I pan picked Arden. She's
just amazing. She plays Leanne. But the crazy part is, like,
(08:22):
even we started this, we started this script was just
about me and my family. We wrote a pilot, we
shot the pilot, they tested the pilot on Netflix, they
released it on Netflix and people loved it, so then
they picked up the series. So then in writing the series,
we had this idea of a pilot, and we had
had people that showed up for the pilot for like
a day roll. They had two lines and they just
(08:43):
came in. This guy Chris Wat's what I forget how
you said his last name? This guy, guy Chris did
had two lines, like three lines, and then we just
used him and wrote him a storyline and now he
plays the villain. This guy that did like a favor
for us and said two lines is now a major
lead in the show. And the other people we added
to the show are awesome, and it's taken all a
(09:05):
life of itself. It's the Bizarrest. You're going to see this.
You're gonna call me and you're gonna go, how did
you come up with this theory? How did you come
up with this idea? Right? And then I'm going to
tell you the truth and you're going to lose your mind.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Okay, but don bac du. You're not telling me that
until I see it on the twenty second.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
When you see it on the twenty second, you're gonna say,
how did you come up with this? And then I'm
and then you're gonna call me privately and I'll tell
you all right, and I'll say and you're gonna lose
your mind.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Hey, real quick Arden who plays Leanne? If I remember
in the movie when you did the movie, you purposely
made sure that there was a lot of kissing scenes
in the movie.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Same thing in the TV show.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, I couldn't. I tried to slide one in, but
it was kind of looks like I was just friend
to kiss her. I got one. I got one kiss in,
and I counted it. It's like Sura. Did you see
Segura's bad thoughts? He had like nine sex scenes where like,
we get it, we get it, you want an open relationship.
(10:12):
Where did you?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Where did you?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Where did you end up filming the Uh? When when
did you film the Where did you film the show?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
We should filmed it in Atlanta over the summer. We
did it for like two months, and it was so fun.
Here's the thing I can't tell like, I only watched
me when I watched the show, so I can't get
I can't tell you the show is good because I
haven't seen anyone else act in it. Right, I just
stare it in my face the whole time. I am
(10:38):
awesome in it. But I think that the people are
good too, all Right.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I want to. I want to make sure I get
to a couple of other things real quickly.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I saw an episode of Two Bears that you did
with Segura, and and I think, I think I have
this right. If and if and if not, you'll you'll
help me. So you finished like you said you were.
You were filming in Atlanta, and you end up filming.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
You finished filming the the Netflix series.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
And when you finish, you and Leanne decide that you
are going to go just on like a quick vacation
to get away with each other, and the two of
you go to Hawaii.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I think I have that right.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
And while you're gone, your bull mastiff had to be
put to sleep, so you had you had your assistant
take the dog to be put down, but you made
your assistant do it on FaceTime so you could see it.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yep, you got that right. Hold on, it's actually it's
actually worse than that.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I didn't mean to bump it up and make it
sound so good.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, it's it's way worse than that. So, first of all,
he wasn't my assistant anymore. He hadn't been my assistant
for like two months, so he was Now I'm calling
my old assistant because Isla, we We're all sitting in
the hotel room and Ila's like, wait, we need we
can't have the person putting him down hold the camera.
(12:17):
And Isla's like mac Nee's view of so many loves.
Isla goes call Pete, and I go, you know, Pete
doesn't work for anym anymore. She goes, it doesn't matter.
He's like a brother to me. Call Pete. So I
called Peter. Now here's what you don't know. And this
is a secret that I don't think. I'm just gonna
tell you. Pete lost his sister at a very young age,
and he lost his mom at a young age. So
Pete has a lot of unspoken for trauma of surrounding
(12:40):
death that he doesn't approach, nor does he deal with,
nor is he in therapy for. And we send him
in to put down a dog, and Buddy, it was
the hardest moment for Pete. You're watching Pete break down,
Ilah's breaking down, everyone's crying, and the phone was on
your directly on Max's nostrils. So we're watching Max literally
(13:03):
take his last breath. My dad is texting me the
whole time. Yo, buddy, we have a tea time, let's go.
And I'm like, Dad, I'm in the middle of something.
He's like, I know, don't make a meal out of it, though,
it's just a dog. And I'm like, I'm like, Dad,
I'm in the middle of something. He goes, I know,
but I'm your father. I've got maybe seven years last.
(13:24):
The dog's dead. It's already dead. Let's spend time together,
me and you, and then and then, and then I
literally put the dog down. Pete's shaking, crying. He's crying
so hard. Island George and Leanne are sobbing uncontrollably. I
watched Mac take his last breath, and I go, all right,
I go play golf with my dad and they're like what.
(13:45):
I was like, I don't have the same relationship you
have with me. I can't say no to that man.
So I went out and play golf with my dad.
Here's the worst part, Elliott. I played the best golf
of my life there ever. On the seventh hold, my
dad looks at me, he goes, buddy, you should kill
a dog time you go play golf, dude. It was
(14:07):
It was rough. And then we had five more days
in Hawaii, which was nice.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hey, but can you can you tell the part? So
that's all great, but then it takes a really weird turn.
Can you tell the part about Georgia at the restaurant?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh? Wait, which which part at the restaurants?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Okay, now I don't know which. I don't know what
other story there could be. Wasn't Georgia working at a
restaurant and somebody came in with a book?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Yes? Okay, yes, so yes. So then two weeks later,
George's Georgia works at a restaurant where she goes to college.
She's a waitress and she walks up and this lady says, uh, Georgia,
season has a and she goes, oh, I we have
(15:02):
bull mastifs. And she goes do you and Georgie said yeah.
He goes as a matter of fact, we just had
to put our big guy down. And she goes, oh
my god, that's so terrible. And then the lady said,
where did you guys get your bull mastiff? Georgie goes
Arizona and she goes, oh, that's where I got mine.
Do you know the kennel? And Georgia goes, uh, yeah,
Desert Sky and she goes, I got mine from desert sky.
(15:25):
She goes, wait, how old was your dog? And Georgia
goes five. She George. Lady looks at George and she goes,
He's five. Do you know what literate's from? And George's like,
hold on, she calls Leanne is from like Johnny Cash
and uh and and and why nett or whatever? I forget.
The two dogs are named after a country music stars.
(15:46):
And Georgie goes over and tells the lady and the
lady goes, your dog was my dog's brother, and George's
like what She's like, this is Mac's sister in the
restaurant in Oregon, in I mean. Georgia starts falling, looks
at this dog and realizes it is the spitting image
(16:06):
of Mac.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Isn't crazy?
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And then the lady's like, it's insane. It is insane,
And then Georgia literally The lady says, you know, I travel.
Is there any chance you'd ever want a house sit
and watch my dog? And Georgia's like, are you kidding me?
I'll do it for free? So isn't that crazy? That
is the wildest story. I thought you were talking about
(16:28):
the restaurant we went to that night after we put
down our dog was we went to a we went
to a my my brother in law, a Disney adult
and so we went to a Disney property's lu al
and I was livid. I was livid. I mean I
(16:49):
got there, I murdered four drinks and the guy goes,
you must be thirsty. They're on a table. There are
blue lions, like I put my dog down, and he goes,
there's no alcohol in those, and I was like, oh
my god. It was yeah, it was. That was the
whole trip. The whole trip was.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
The last thing and then I'm gonna have to let
you jump. You know what.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
I absolutely loved. What I thought was one of the
one of the best things I've seen in forever.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You know, I love you, and you know I love
Todd Glass.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
The two of you doing the podcast together was one
of the greatest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Let me tell you, Todd Glass is the national treasure
and his energy is exactly you know. I'm so lost
on that cast because I don't want to talk about politics,
and I don't want them to talk about trans rights
and whatever is popular and podcasting right now. It's not
what I'm interested in. I'm interested in just being goofy
(17:50):
and having a good time in giggling, and that is
not what is uh clickbait these days. It's just not.
You got to be talking to politicians. And by the way,
I'm talking about my friends. I love my friends and
I love that they're interested in this stuff. It's so important.
I'm just not And it's not getting the views That
Podglass podcast has seven thousand views. That's it. That's what
(18:13):
we'll all it'll ever get. People are actually avoiding it.
But it is the funnest podcast. It is the It
is what podcastings should be. It is so ridiculous for
those of you who haven't watched it, and that's everyone.
Pod Glass comes over and he brings gifts for me,
and one of the gifts he brings me is an
oil lamp, and he says, you know, everyone likes to
(18:35):
sit by the fire, but sometimes you can't. You don't
have an outdoor space to do it. But if you
put this on in a room and you crank it up,
it feels like you're at a fire because it flickers.
And then he lights a pine cone on fire and
he blows it out and he goes, now it smells
like a fire. And then we turn the TV that
says bird cast, because that's brandings, that's what you don't
want to podcast. We just turn it off and we
(18:56):
put on it raining and a window like we're in
the woods. And then we got high, and I swear
to God, I thought we were in the woods. I
escaped for like four hours and felt like I was
in the woods with Todd Glass. And it was so
fun and just the way Todd loves to do a
bit like I was like, Todd, take a bite of
(19:18):
something and pretend you're inducting me into the Hall of
Fame of Comedy. And then he does it and he's
so funny. But that's not what gets views these days.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So it was.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So good. It's so good, it's so fun. And then
I did one with Ronda Ralty the other day and
she crashes Rogan. That'll get millions of you.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I decided I want to come do Here's something that
will never happen, but in.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
My mind I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I want to go to Palm Springs with you and
Todd Glass to go see Paul Anka in concert.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He just sent me a link for tickets. I swear
to God, his text pod glasses. Texts are Sometimes when
I'm sad, I just open up his text chained to me,
and it's like it's like I swear to I swear
on your life and your family's life. You don't answer
my texts. I hope you get aids. I hope you die,
(20:17):
and I hope the last thing you see is my
face giggling at your death. And then he writes next text, sorry,
that was meant for my sister. Is you know whatever,
the funniest guy in the world. He is the funniest
guy in the world. And it's I mean, listen, it's listen.
I get click baby too. I you know, like I
(20:40):
understand how it works. I understand that. You know, YouTube
is the medium and everyone you want to the outrage
is what sells things. Sure, but man, sometimes just good
old funny and like it's like so enjoyable to forget
about your problems.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
And watch two grown men, two middle.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Aged men pretend they're camping on a podcast because they're
so high. It's I mean, that's that's the world. I
want to live it.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
You know what made me laugh so hard?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
He said something to you and he was trying to
be funny and it bombed. It just didn't go over
and he said, hey, Bert, that was so and so's
make a wish. He wanted me to say it on
your podcast. So thank you for giving me the time.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
He said, do you know this is my favorite thing?
He said, he goes every time you do a podcast,
people go, hey, take it out? Can you edit that out?
He goes, People never say can you edit this in?
And then two weeks later he sent me a list
of things and asked if I could edit them into
the podcast. He is, he is brilliant man, And I like,
(21:48):
I said, I'm I'm, i'm I'm thinking of something else
to do with bird cast, just because I did that
one and it was so fun and I was like, man,
I don't want to have to bring people on just
to how to find drama. And then got to deal
with drama. I mean, I got it's like duse everyone.
So it becomes such a pain in the ass because
(22:10):
you don't know who you talk about, and and you're
not even saying anything mean. Sometimes you just say something
factual and then you get a phone call from Pete
David Stond He's like, can you edit that out of
the podcast? Like, dude, well, I don't even know you,
all right. I mean, it's insane to me. It's insane
to me that I that I like, it's not worth
(22:33):
my energy to have to deal with what is happening
in this world.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Okay, I gotta know what did Pete Davidson one out
of the podcast, I some.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Songs Charlie Days sang that was hysterical, and I guess
I don't know. I don't know. Hey, we're going to
get a call from Pete today when he hears this.
It's like for the guy that is so hands off
with media. He mean, he's got his his lawyers nails,
(23:03):
all right.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Three days.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Not even gonna say it now because because sadly, I've
always liked Pete Davidson. I've always thought he was a
nice guy. But like you know, and so and I,
you know, I don't have any I don't have a
problem with him, but his lawyers have a problem with me.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Three dates of note January twenty second is what I'm
being told. That's the premiere for Bert series on Netflix Friday,
November fourteenth. The Permission to Party World Tour will be
at CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Sunday, November sixteenth.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
The Permission to Party World Tour will be at the
Aultre of Theater in Richmond. Gotta work on canceling that
Hershey date, Bert, I appreciate it. Good to talk to you,
my friend.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love you, guys. I love you guys. Hey, if
I'm there Friday, why don't I come in studio Friday morning? Okay, done,
I'll see you in studio.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
All right, buddy, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
All right, Love you guys, all right, Love you too.
Landman
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