Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel on "Where Should We Begin" and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. So…where should we begin? For an ad-free version of our podcast, plus bonus episodes, behind-the-scenes content, and more, visit our Office Hours section.
Episodes
October 19, 2026 • 59 mins
After decades together, he wonders whether he can stay in a marriage where intimacy and connection has all but disappeared. He's touch-starved and lonely and questioning whether preserving the family unit for the sake of his young daughter, is worth the cost of losing himself. Esther helps him look beyond the question of whether to stay or leave and toward what he needs to feel alive and true to himself.
Esther Callings are a on...
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October 12, 2026 • 53 mins
Couples often struggle with gaps in their sex drives, but what does a couple do when one person has no desire for sex whatsoever? A married couple comes to Esther with this question: one of them has recently discovered that she's asexual, while the other craves sex as a primary form of connection. Is theirs an irreconcilable difference? Is there hope for their future, or should they accept that divorce is the only option before the...
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October 5, 2026 • 66 mins
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least three more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in...
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September 28, 2026 • 53 mins
After the end of a fifteen-year marriage, she is trying to make sense of something she never imagined would become part of her family's story: her ex-husband's love affair with an AI companion. As her children struggle to make sense of what is real and what isn't, she turns to Esther for guidance on how to keep them grounded without invalidating their experience. How do you help your children trust reality without asking them to ch...
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September 21, 2026 • 58 mins
Conflict is not toxic or immoral. In fact, it's generative and the lifeblood of our relationships. It isn't something to avoid. It matters, and it can even bring us closer together. Priya Parker, author of The Art of Fighting, joins Esther to dig into how conflict can be a productive force in our relationships rather than something to fear.
For more about Priya Parker and The Art of Fighting visit https://www.priyaparker.com/
...
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September 14, 2026 • 54 mins
A married couple arrives at Esther’s office hoping to recover from a devastating rupture with his mother after the birth of their first child. But immediately their session reveals a longer, more complex history of betrayal within their relationship and within his larger family system. Having a child, and experiencing an absolute break from his abusive mother, finally disrupted the toxic dynamics between the couple. Now, as ...
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August 31, 2026 • 53 mins
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes care of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.
Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sess...
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August 24, 2026 • 49 mins
He comes to Esther not with a singular question but with an overflow of words and unspoken truths. Betrayed by a once-supportive church and struggling to reconcile his desires with his emotions, he carries a loneliness that has followed him across continents. This session is all about naming. Naming the parts of his life, the feelings left unspoken, and the longings that ache in his heart.
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 m...
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August 17, 2026 • 37 mins
A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents' sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence.
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call...
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August 10, 2026 • 36 mins
In this classic Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here.
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a ...
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August 3, 2026 • 50 mins
What is the distinction between a love story and a life story? And what happens when they no longer move in the same direction? After returning to the Philippines to reconnect with a former partner she never fully let go of, one caller finds herself overwhelmed by grief, longing, and the fear of saying goodbye. Esther helps her untangle the relationship from the life it once represented and explore why some goodbyes are harder than...
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July 27, 2026 • 42 mins
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing and family trauma. Their marriage was seen as taboo and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child.
Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the...
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July 20, 2026 • 52 mins
She comes to Esther with a question that feels distinctly of this moment: when does a tool become a transgression? After leaving a long, stable marriage, she finds herself in a new relationship marked by intense highs and low lows. She turns to AI, using it as a real-time coach to navigate arguments and break painful communication loops. She shows up differently, and the relationship begins to shift. But as the dust settles, a new ...
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July 13, 2026 • 54 mins
The two couples had been inseparable—neighbors, chosen family, godparents to each other's children. She reaches out to Esther in despair after discovering that her husband had a ten-year-old affair with her best friend. For a decade, he kept the betrayal hidden while she believed they had built a loving marriage and family. Now she's left questioning whether any of it was real. They both want to stay together, but she's trap...
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June 29, 2026 • 40 mins
When his ex calls in the middle of a crisis, he finds himself pulled back into a familiar role: the rescuer. He's always been the one women confide in, the one who steps up, the one who proves he's a good man by making sure no one falls apart on his watch. It’s a hero complex he wears easily. If he’s needed, he feels powerful. If he’s not, he feels invisible. He’s the strong one, the reliable one, and yet he...
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June 22, 2026 • 44 mins
This week, Esther invites you into a conversation about desire, disruption, and what it means to stay alive to one another in a rapidly changing world.
Recorded live at Sessions Live, Esther is joined by journalist and Head of Content at Esther Perel Global Media, Mary Alice Miller, for a look back on twenty years of Mating in Captivity and explore how our ideas about intimacy, desire, and relationships have evolved.
Also, j...
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June 15, 2026 • 46 mins
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college, immigrated to the US together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom.
Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the peopl...
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June 8, 2026 • 51 mins
Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to st...
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June 1, 2026 • 49 mins
A recent session was a threshold moment for Esther where she found herself doing couples therapy with a man and his AI companion. To explore the questions it raised, Esther sits down with New York Times technology reporter, Kashmir Hill, who has spent years reporting on the growing world of AI relationships. They explore the psychological pull of these systems, the design choices behind them, and the deeper human needs they tap int...
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May 18, 2026 • 55 mins
With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing up alongside a non-speaking autistic brother taught her to be vigilant, self-effacing, and attuned to everyone else’s needs. Joy and celebration have always come with guilt. As the wedding approaches, those old patte...
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